


Wheels

by sketzocase



Series: Songs of the Heart [4]
Category: Dark Wolverine (Comics), Fantastic Four (Comicverse), Wolverine and the X-Men (Comics), X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Hallucinations, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mental Institutions, Psychological Torture, Psychological Trauma, Self-Harm, space
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-21
Updated: 2016-07-29
Packaged: 2018-05-28 04:26:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 194,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6315010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sketzocase/pseuds/sketzocase
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Johnny goes on a life changing mission... Daken is less than thrilled. When things go south for the mission, hard choices have to be made... leading to the greatest battle the boys have faced to this point.  Part of an ongoing series</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Reason

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought this series was done... but it's not. So here ya go-More time spent writing for these two. 
> 
> This is part of a four part series- the other three are kind important- so I apologize. (They're also really long)

It’s odd how things just sort of … fall into place. How normality can weave its way through even the ‘weirdest’ of situations. Or just how those weird situations become the new norm- how quickly we adjust as a species in general.

For him- I guess normality depended on how I was feeling.

That was okay for the first year and a half- but I could tell he was missing out on the ‘hero’ gig.

The way he followed the news- the way he talked about it…. it was something that just seemed to be in him.

Convincing him to ease off his 24/7 babysitting post wasn’t easy.  
I bribed. I pleaded. I got angry.

Nothing worked.

So I broke down and went for honest- something that none of my other partners over the years have got me to do.

I sat him down and we worked it out. He goes on missions- regardless of how long they are-And I refrain from doing anything too drastic while he’s gone.

Take the pills, content myself with not having any sharps (Which is redundant by this point- but it makes Johnny feel better) and keep in regular contact with both sides of our ‘family’ while he’s gone.

It seems to work for him. He gets all his superhero needs met and then he comes home.

Where I’m waiting…. Always waiting.

People assume my mental state is something worth shielding me from. Anytime I go to check on his missions I’m assured that he’s fine and quickly ushered out of the room. Like I am someone who can be dismissed.

I think Sue is the worst about it. On the rare missions when she’s not involved, she spends every waking second ‘distracting’ me. OR making sure I know as little as possible about what he’s up to.

At first, I thought it might be them not trusting me as a self-professed villain in ‘reform’.

But it’s not that.

God I wish it was that.

No. In entering into this mess with him- I’ve all but earned their trust. They don’t see me as a security risk. More as this depraved wife like creature who happens to be a skilled killer. They all think that the second something goes wrong with Johnny- I’ll just collapse into a useless puddle. Regardless of my own personal years of gaining skills and prowess. A few solid breakdowns and all of that is secondary.

“Stay home.” They say. “Take your pills”. “He’ll be home before you know it”.

It drives me insane! I actually went after him once- he was downtown. I saw him on TV and he looked like he needed a hand…. But I was ‘intercepted’ by some d list x-man. (my father’s doing- most likely.) Everyone seems to get a say in just how I adjust to Johnny’s exploits.

I’d take it out on him…. But I can’t. I know he’s looking out for me. And…. I still need it from time to time- I’ll admit. The problems didn’t just go away. They just got normal. It’s normal for us. For all of us. We just… live around them.

‘dead. he’s dead.’ I don’t care to know which one said that.

He’s fine. I know he’s fine.

‘or dead’

Fine. He’s fine.

‘…or dead. play a game mongrel? you want to call him? you know you want to call him.’

I take a deep breath and continue doing…  
Fuck.

What was I doing? I came into the living room for something….

‘or cheating.’ Another voice picks up. ‘he’s cheating’.

“He’s not cheating,” I grumble. “I would smell it….” I think about it for a second. “Plus he’s a terrible liar.”

‘he doesn’t want you anymore.’

They’ll do this for hours. Best just to…

‘he’s left. gone. never coming back.’

What was I-

‘i’m telling you- he’s DEAD!’ they scream in unison.

“Shut up!”  
The back door creaks… I smell him before he’s fully in view.

“I’m home!”

Obvious statement.

“In here.”

He smells like sweat. He hasn’t showered yet.

Footsteps squash across the carpet. “Hey.” He’s standing there with that ridiculous grin on his face.

“Hey.”

What was I doing? …. I came in here for-

“You look grumpy.” He walks over until he's in front of me.

“I… forgot what I came in here for.” I admit.

Johnny eyes me cautiously. “Forgot forgot or distracted forgot?”

“Both?” I admit that there’s a small hesitation for his reaction.

Johnny nods. “Take your pills while I was gone?”

“Yes.” I sigh.

“All of them?”

I glare at him until he holds his hands skyward in surrender. “Just checking.” He smiles again. “So… do I get a kiss… a hug? Something for the returning hero?”

“Don’t push it.” I growl, moving away from him.

“Daken-” He puts a hand on my shoulder. “Why are you angry with me?”

I stop in my tracks. “I’m not.”

“You are.” He chuckles. “You’re downright hostile.”

I groan. “Can we not do this now? I’ve got… something to do.”

“And what’s that?”

I look at the floor. “I can’t remember at the moment.”

“They told you I was dead- didn’t they?” He says knowingly.

I continue to stare at the floor.

“And that I wasn’t coming back.”

His hand moves from my shoulder to my hand. “I’m here.” He assures. “Not dead. Not leaving. Just an ordinary mission.”

I exhale slowly. “I know. I know you are.”

“You look tired.” He says softly.

“I’m fine.” I try to offer him a smile- but he doesn’t seem to buy it.

“Have you slept this week?” He presses. No 'silliness' in his words or face. This is Johnny's 'serious' face. It breaks my heart. 

“Johnny- “

“Simple question.” He squeezes my hand. “Did you sleep?”

“… a few hours.”

“A night or all together?”

“It doesn’t matter.” I try to shrug it off.

“If it’s too much for you-” He begins.

“It’s not,” I assure. I look at him and he looks so... gentle. “I’m sorry. It’s nothing to worry about.”

He brings my hand to his lips, kissing my knuckles. “Then if it’s all the same to you- I’m going to bed.” He breaks the seriousness with a small smile. “You should join me.”

Right…. After I remember…. what I came in here to do.

“Daken?”

“I really was doing something….”

Johnny looks at me with a guarded expression. “Something because you wanted to … or because he told you too?”

Damn. It was an order.

“It may have been an order.” I admit.

“From…” He prompts.

“Does it matter?”

He moves behind me, wrapping his arm around my chest. “You can’t be running around doing what they tell you to.” He says in my ear. “I need to know that you’re not spending all this alone time being bossed around by some figment on your imagination.”

“It’s…”

“Not important.” He finishes for me. “It’s never important…. But you seem pretty upset that you can’t remember just what he told you to do.”

“How do you know it’s a ‘he’?” I grouse.

“Isn’t it?” He kisses my neck. “No more orders- Daken. I thought you talked to the doctor about this.”

“I’m not taking every order.” I defend. “I just remember this one being important.”

Johnny smiles against my skin. “Then consider your mission aborted. It’s an ambush. I’m taking you prisoner.”

“Really?” I snort.

“Oh yes.” He chuckles. “And the Human Torch rarely releases his prisoners.”

“So there’s more than one prisoner- huh?”

“No.” He smiles against my skin. “But the point remains- You’re mine now. And being a spoil of war and such- you have to do as I say.”

He wraps his hand around my arm.

“Take me to your quarters.”

“You sound like a pirate.” I laugh.

“Chambers?” He tries again.

“You smell like a pirate.” I continue, wrinkling my nose at his stench.

He frowns. “I’m not a pirate. I’m a conquering knight.”

“Kinky.”

“Very.” He teases.

“Knights don’t take prisoners.” I chuckle.

He brings a hand to my shoulder and starts to rub it. “Then I’m a warlord.”

“There’s a great difference between ‘warlord’ and ‘knight’.” I laugh. “I think you’ve escalated too quickly.

He starts to massage my other shoulder. “You’re disobeying me, prisoner.”

“Is that right?” I glance at him.

“Chambers.” He says with a raised eyebrow.

“And what would A warlord want in my chambers?”

Johnny chuckles deep in his throat. “I can think of a few things.”

“A warlord wouldn’t need a bed.” I tease, feeling heat rise between us.

“Between a warlord and his prisoner- I think I twisted something today. I could use the bed.” He whispers.

I chuckle, taking his hand and leading him up the stairs.

“House is a little wrecked- don’t you think?” He questions the large piles of unfolded clothing and scattered liquor bottles… fuck. That’s what I needed to be doing.

Johnny stops in his tracks and lifts one of the empty vodka bottles from the dresser. “Did you have people over?”

“…no.”

“That’s all you?”

“It takes a lot to get drunk- you know that.”

“You’re not supposed to be drinking.” He chides. “Not on your medication.”

“It’s fine.” I take his hand and try to lead him to the bed.

He resists, looking around the room and counting bottles.

“Six, seven…. Eight, nine- ten? Ten bottles?”

“Johnny- “

He sighs. “Honey- please. NO more drinking.”

“Fine.” I say quickly. “fine.”

Johnny touches my face. “I’ve been home five minutes and I’ve already told you not to do like three things.”

“…. And?”

“Daken…. Maybe we should think about me taking some time off.”

No. We’re… we can’t move backward.

“It’s fine.” I try to calm him down with some pheromones, but he shakes his head.

“Stop that. Let me be upset." He frowns. 

Damnit. 

“You’re fine. It’s just been a tough week.”

He nods. “I know you want me to go back to work. I want to be back at work too…. But we- “

“I don’t want to take any steps backward.” I admit, sitting on the bed.

“Not backward.” He says gently. “Just… not forwards either. More like pause?” he thinks for a second. “Yea. Let’s press pause for a little while and see how-” He stops. “Fuck.”

“What?”

“I have another mission. I totally forgot about it.”

“See? You have work. We’re fine.”

“It’s three weeks- minimum.” He says gently.

“Oh.” Oh. Three weeks… okay. That’s fine. Three weeks and I can show him once and for all that he can go back to work full time. “Three weeks is fine. You’ll see that I can handle you working full time. No need to hit ‘pause’.”

Johnny sits down beside me. “No- I take this mission, and then we hit pause.” He reasons looking at me for a second. “I want you to go- “

Oh no. Fuck no. He better stop and think about his next statement very hard.

On long missions, he thinks I need babysat. I know he's a little upset by the mess the house is in and shit... but he had better think nice and hard before he says something stupid.

“Don’t say it.”

“Stay with your dad-“

“Stop talking,” I growl. “Johnny- I’m serious.” I warn. And that was the stupid thing I was worried about. 

“For the three weeks I’m gone.” He finishes like I hadn’t said anything.

“No.” I turn away from him. “This is my home. I’m not leaving.”

“It’s a vacation?” He offers.

“‘Vacation’ my ass!” I growl. “That’s bullshit! You can’t take a ‘vacation’ with that man! It’s impossible!"

“You’ll be safest with him.” He tries to ‘reason’.

“I’ll go to the Baxter Building.” I counter.

“No one is going to be there.” He says gently. “We’re all going.”

“Laura?”

Johnny shakes his head. “Her sect is going too…. And you know good ol’ Cyke doesn’t like it when you’re there.”

“But it’s so much fun.” I could almost call that a whine. 

A hobby Logan and I can comfortably share.

“….. Peter?” It’s a long shot- I know. But I’ve spent a few nights with the man in a pinch before.

He shakes his head. “He’s coming too.”

“What kind of mission needs the Fantastic Four, X-men, and Spiderman??”

“The kind,” He says wrapping an arm around me, “That is earth-threatening.”

“’Earth-threatening’?” I scoff. “Please.”

“It’s the Kree.” He explains. “They’re getting a little… invasion-y. “

“What- the blue guys?” I laugh. “They don’t stand a chance.”

“Those ‘blue guys’ were working with Thanos- “

“Purple lizard face who’s halfway across the galaxy.” I growl.

“And we’re going to keep him that way by dealing with the Kree.” Johnny smiles, tightening his grip on me.

“Why isn’t Logan going if this is so important?”

“The other x-men have it handled. He wants nothing to do with it.” Johnny kisses the side of my head. “Deal with it honey. You’re going to stay with your dad.”

"You've already talked to him about this." I accuse. 

"It's always been the plan if you got rocky- you know that." He says patiently. 

Fuck it all. He's right. 

I do know that. 

“I will…”

“Run? They’ll find you.” He says gently. “Hide? They’ll find you. “He smiles at me. “Come peacefully. Anything you say can and will be held against in a court of law.”

“You’re not funny.” I growl.

‘leaving. told you he was leaving.’

Great time for them to be right.

“When do you leave?”

“After the weekend.” He smiles gently. “Going to see me off?”

“Like all the other good little housewives?” I growl. “I don’t think so.”

Johnny exhales in a comical way. “Daken- the last thing I would describe you as is a ‘housewife’.”

I recline on the mattress. “That’s what I am. I can’t fight- so they say. I can’t stand being alone for long periods of time-“

“Daken-“

“NO.” I interrupt. “What’s my purpose? What’s my use? What am I going to spend the rest of my life doing?”

Johnny lays down beside me. “You’re getting philosophical.” He assesses. “You can do anything you want with your life.” He stares up at the ceiling. “You just have to do it with your condition-“

“Don’t talk about my condition.”

“It’s worth talking about,” Johnny says gently. “I think sometimes you forget- “

“I don’t ‘forget’ anything.” I growl.

“I think you forget how sick you are sometimes.” He says gently.

“I think you obsess over how sick I am sometimes.” I counter.

Johnny smiles. “Maybe.”

“Maybe?” Why isn’t he fighting with me? I need something-

“Not arguing with you.” He says cheerfully. “You’re just angry and lashing out.”

I exhale slowly. He’s right.

“Any chance you went shopping?” He asks after a few minutes of quiet.

“And risk leaving the house on my own?” I fake gasp. “Who knows what could happen?”

“Is there food?” He tries again.

“I have food.” I tease. “You’ll have to get your own.”

Johnny wrinkles his nose. “You and that healthy shit.”

“I don’t know if anyone’s told you, darling, but lettuce is in fact not poisonous.” I smile at his face.

“I’m ordering pizza.” He concludes.

“From…”

“Pizza Hut.” He chuckles. “The unhealthiest place I can think of.”

“You wound me.” I mock.

Johnny leans over, face inches from mine. “So about that kiss…...?”

We’re quiet for a second. “I guess I’ll allow it.”

“Kind of you.” He smirks and presses his lips to mine.

Once I get past his current smell- it’s quite pleasant.

He pulls away smiling.

“Welcome home.” I say quietly.

He nods. “It’s good to be back.”

“Good. Then you won’t mind packing for me.”

He rolls his eyes. “You’re not going to make this easy on me- are you?”

I smile at him. “Not on your life.”


	2. Before My Eyes

“It’s midnight.” He whispers from beside me. “How can you possibly still be awake?”

“I’m not tired.” I lie, shifting away so he doesn’t feel my jeans against his bare legs.

“You sound tired.” Johnny runs a finger across my chest, stopping when he feels the fabric of my shirt. He hums to himself. “You don’t wear shirts to bed.”

“….”

He moves a little closer. “And jeans.” He whistles, leaning over me. “Is bed a formal place now? I’d hate to be underdressed.”

“I’m just… not feeling the ‘naked’ thing tonight.”

He gets somber in a flash. “Yea? You need me to sleep on the couch tonight? Should I try to call Laura?”

“Not like that.” I say quickly. I don’t need to be coddled tonight. In fact- that’s the last thing on my mind. I’m not currently thinking about things like that- and I’d appreciate it if it could stay that way.

“Ah.” He smiles now. “So it’s not a case of you not wanting to be naked- You’re planning on going somewhere.” He summarizes.

“I might dip out for a bit.”

Johnny hums again. “In my car? At night? I don’t think so.”

“First off- my car is here too.” I correct. “And secondly, I just want to go for a drive and…”

“Avoid going to Logan’s school tomorrow?” He supplies.

We’re quiet for a second. “I don’t want to go.” I exhale finally. “Please. I really don’t want to.”

“You don’t want to- but you have to.” He says gently. “I’m sorry Daken- it’s non-negotiable. “

“No, I don’t.” I try to reason. “I can….” Fuck. Where am I going to go? He obviously doesn’t want me alone…. And I don’t think I should be by myself- either. I exhale slowly. “Are you going to try to stop me?”

“Me? Stop you from running off to god knows where in the middle night?” He gasps, wrapping his arm around my chest. “Never.”

“I’m not going to go stay with him.” I’m glad it’s dark because I can almost feel myself making a somewhat childish face.

“You are.” Johnny nuzzles my neck. “And you’re going to have a great time.”

“Johnny- “

“Your stuff is packed already. The house is being looked after- I’m taking you in the morning. It’s settled.”

“… tomorrow is Saturday. If you’re not leaving until Monday- why am I going tomorrow?”

“I figured I’d stay with you for the rest of the weekend to help the transition.” He kisses my neck. “So go to sleep. There’s nothing to stress about.”

“Except for the fact that when you stay- we have to sleep in separate bedrooms.” I growl.

“Yea….” Johnny sighs. “I don’t know what’s up with that…. I mean logically Logan knows that we’re- “

“Uh huh.” I smile begrudgingly. “He caught you that one time-“

“’Caught’ me?” Johnny laughs. “I was out of the room before he came in.”

“Well, he heard you then.”

“Heard me?”

“You’re not exactly quiet.” I grouse.

“He only came up because he thought you were in danger.” Johnny counters. “Your moans apparently sound like someone’s dying.” He kisses me again.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” I start to pull away, but his arm stops me.

“Don’t.” He says sleepily. “I love those noises.”

“If I’m staying with Logan- you won’t get to hear them.” I try to appeal to Johnny’s baser instincts. Because my father is the biggest cock block known to man. It’s like he has an extra sense.

And that’s just him. The place is crawling with brats as well.

There’s a particular pink haired telepath that practically invited himself in one time.

In retrospect, I may have overreacted. But my reactions to sex are a little…. Weird? Weird is a way to put it. Most of the time things are fine- good. I’m fine. Then there are these random… it’s just weird. And that punk trying to spy on me made it worse.

… The after effect of Johnny sitting the ‘young man’ down and having a ‘frank’ discussion with him- was hilarious, though.

“How about you let me get you into something more comfortable?” Johnny asks gently.

“I’m not in the mood for- “

“Neither am I.” Johnny interrupts. “I just want to get you comfy.”

“I can get myself ‘comfy’.” I grouse.

He soothes his hands down my chest, stopping at the hem of the undershirt. “Can I?”

We’re silent for a second. He’s got to ask permission… it’s our rule. IF I don’t give it to him... he’ll stop.

But then he’ll have a million questions for why I stopped him and it might prompt him to give me the bed- alone.

“...Sure.”

He pulls the fabric off slowly, stopping to kiss my shoulders as he bares them. “You’re so beautiful.”

My gut wrenches. That phrase… that fucking phrase. Coming out of his mouth- like before.  
Like… then.

“You’re stiff.” He says softly. “What’s wrong?”

“Johnny-”

He stops me. “Trigger phrase.” He sighs. “Sorry.”

“Hey- “

“I get it.” He says quickly. “I do. I just wish I could tell you something like that without his words tainting it.”

“I know.”

“And I wish you could know how much I like looking at you.” He brushes some of the longer strands of hair out of my face. “And holding you.”

Argh. Midnight is not the time for this shit.

“It’s fine.” I exhale awkwardly.

“Yea?” He kisses me and we sit in silence for a few minutes. “You should undress.” He says finally. “You want me to leave?”

It’s tempting. “No.” I answer after some debate. “Why don’t you give me a hand?”

He smiles and puts his hands at my waist- awkwardly helping me shift out the jeans. I could do it myself… but I know how much touch helps him after we have these ‘moments’.

“Ready for bed now?” Johnny asks, pulling the blanket up to my chest.

“I guess.”

“No more escape attempts in mind?”

That drags a smile from me. “None at the moment.”

Johnny kisses behind my ear. “Keep it that way.”  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The smell of greasy meat and motor oil wafts from downstairs.

Though not pleasant- it’s a usual ‘Saturday’ smell. It means my beloved has already gotten up and – judging by the motor oil- already been busy with one of his ‘babies’.

I used to have a routine- but lately, that’s fallen to the side.

A doctor may have mentioned around either Johnny or Logan- I can’t remember which- that the routine was a little too strict. Or that it was causing me not to get enough sleep…. I honestly can’t remember.

I just know that the schedule got very lax very quickly and the clocks were removed from the bedroom. Even my phone is tucked away far enough from the bed so that I’d have to get up to check it…. Johnny is very thorough. 

Something clangs in the kitchen. Metal. Loud- so a larger sized item.

By the second clang, I’m starting to suspect that he’s knocked down the rack that holds the frying pans. Which means he could use a hand….

Too bad he’s making me go somewhere I don’t want to…. I would have been more than happy to help him.

As is I roll over another clang issues from downstairs.

At this rate, he’s bound to have knocked down every last one of those pans. Serves him right.

‘and he stays with your pathetically petty ass.’

Well….

‘a wonder- boy. that he draws breath when you’re displeased with him.’

My master is also thorough is his methods.

And I’m not ‘displeased’ with Johnny. I’m ‘displeased’ with the situation- but not Johnny.

‘using this man as your security blanket. pathetic.’

I love him. Why shouldn’t he make me feel secure? I do it for him. That’s how couples work…. Isn’t it?

‘isn’t it? being part of a ‘couple’…. like a normal human.’

I am a normal human… well mutant. Which is also normal. It’s okay to do ordinary things…. I don’t have to be separate from everyone else.

‘is that so? you’re not worth the time and effort i spent on you. you should be back in that hole.’

That hole. He wants to send me back. They all want to send me back.

They-

More clanging from downstairs. IT’s too loud- this is too loud. He’s too loud- he-

It’s too loud.

I’m not as I was. They're going to get rid of me. I’m useless.

I’m… useless.

IT’s too loud- it’s too…  
Fucking

‘come now,’ not master. Not him. ‘melting down won’t solve anything.’ A woman. This is a woman.

‘Melting down’?

Am I?

What am I saying-

This panic is mounting and mounting…

They’re all against me. Everyone is against me. They’re going to throw me away. They’re going to-

“Hey,” Johnny is suddenly by me. “Hey, hey- you’re okay. Look at me- look at me,” He’s near my face, forcing eye contact. “You’re okay.”

I feel light headed. “Johnny?”

“There… breathe for me.” He says soothingly. “I’m right here.”

He’s smiling so gently. His hands moving against my skin. He’s…

A needed touch with reality.

“They want to send me back.” I sound breathless.

“They can’t.” He says gently. “They can’t honey. No one is going to send you back.”

“He’s… he’s going to do it.”

“He can’t.” He repeats. “No one can… so relax. Take a few more deep breaths.”

I wait for master’s response… but it doesn’t come. He’s done. He has nothing more to do with this.

I lean my forehead against Johnny’s shoulder, letting him put an arm around me.

“How’d you get up here so fast?” My voice is muffled by his greasy shirt.

“Fast? Honey- you started this five minute ago. I heard you shout… you were freaking out when I got here.”

“I- “

“You said it was too loud? That the kitchen was too loud- I tried to apologize but then you started screaming about how they were going to send you back to the hole. About how everyone was conspiring against you and- “

“Stop. Please. I don’t want to hear any more.”

“You don’t remember what you said?” He says carefully.

“...No.”

“That’s fine.” Johnny eases me off his shoulder and walks over to the oak dresser where the pill bottles are. I observe the dresser as if it's going to change the fact that he's about to dose me. Oak. Polished stainless steel knobs. Goes well with the white carpet... 

My house is nice. 

I like living here. 

The rooms are big. 

This one has my balcony. The doors are black and I refuse to let Johnny hang curtains. It's not like anyone can us. We don't have any neighbors. 

It would be like Logan to buy us some kind of farm house. 

A farm house far out of the city. 

The walls are all a soft gray. All the door frames are black like the doors to the balcony. 

I sit on my large bed- the same one from my original apartment- and watch him.   
  
Like any of this observation is going to make the situation at hand better.

“Here,” He dumps three small green tablets in his palm.

Three.

It’s never three.

He grabs a discarded glass of water on his way back to me- sniffing it oddly.

“What are you doing?”

He smiles a little. “Making sure it’s not vodka.”

Useless worry- I didn’t use a glass. He doesn’t need to know that.

“Take these.” He puts the pills in my hand. They’re slightly sticky from the heat of his hands.

“Three?” I question.

“Episodes get three.” He says. “You’ll take the normal ones after breakfast.”

“These…”

“Take them.” He hands me the glass of water. “Please.”

I feel slightly off put as I put the tablets on my tongue. Pills remind me of California… of heat. Of how wonderful those pills were.

These pills are not wonderful. They mess with my brain- swirling in my gut and making me feel strange.

I swallow the water and send them down to where they can start ‘working’. IF that’s what they do.

“Let me see.” Johnny says gently.

I glare at him.

“Please.” He adds.

I feel like my mouth is wired shut- opening it takes a lot of willpower.

“Thank you.” He smiles after his inspection. “Come downstairs. I need to finish cooking…”

“And you don’t want me to be alone.” I surmise.

“No,” He admits. “I don’t.” He lightly touches my side. “You clawed yourself.”

“I-” There is blood on my side. A lot of blood.

“It was deep.” He assesses.

There’s residual blood on my wrist. Right hand.

“I’ll clean up.”

He nods. “I’ll strip the bed.”

Walking into the bathroom I can hear him humming to himself. He just accepted this. He just-

I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror…. I don’t recognize this man. How can he look so much like me… but not be me?

Who ….

I extend my claws- just slightly. I need the pain.

I am not defenseless. Not this time. If anyone comes after me-

“Did the mirror offend you?” Johnny asks from behind me.

“...what?”

“Your claws- you’re threatening the mirror.”

“…No. I’m not.”

“Then you're threatening yourself in the mirror?” He moves past me and sits on the bathroom sink- blocking my view of the reflection.

“I look in it and I don’t know what I’m looking at.” I admit.

“Ah.” Johnny takes my hand. “Claws in.”

I retract them slowly.

“You, my love, are Daken. Or- when you’re feeling it- Akihiro. You live here- with me. You’re a great fighter, you’re an intelligent man, and you’re by far the most attractive person I’ve ever been with.”

“And you?” I ask stupidly.

“I’m your knight.” Johnny smiles. “I take care of things when you can’t. Sir Jonathan- first of his name.” He winks at me. “And last…. I guess.”

“Last of your name huh?" I smirk.

"Last of the Storm name come to think of it." He muses.

"Sue has kids-"

"Ah ha." he holds up a finger. "But they're Richards. Not Storms.

“Don’t you have any cousins?” Off topic. He’s good at that.

“None worth talking about.” He smiles, putting a hand on my face. “How about you?”

“Cousins?” I laugh at the ridiculousness of it. “No. They’re dead.”

“So it’s just you…”

“And Logan.” I think about it. “And Laura.”

We sit in silence for a second. “You wanna borrow some cousins?” He asks playfully.

I don’t know what I was expecting him to say- but it wasn’t that. I can’t help but laugh at him.

“There’s a laugh.” He smiles again. “Music to my ears.”

“A hopeless romantic.” I sigh.

“You got it.” He leans forward and kisses me. “Hurry up and get clean. Your dad’s called me three times already.”

I get a small idea… and it makes me smirk. “Can we make him wait another two hours?”

Johnny raises an eyebrow. “And why would we do that?”

I step closer to him, kissing his neck and making him groan.

“You know…. I think I could put the phone on vibrate for a while.” He says huskily.

“You do that.”

Happy Johnny- unhappy Logan- this is by the far the best decision I’ve made all morning. It’s easy enough to push all the existential bullshit aside for a few hours.


	3. Well

“Here we are.” He slows the car down after we pass the gates. “Feeling okay?”

I slouch down in the passenger seat-trying to avoid the glances of the assorted children alongside the drive way. “Peachy.”

Neither of us are dressed in a ‘don’t fuck with me’ way. I almost wore my costume just so no one would know what I look like. Johnny looks like his normal self- shirt and jeans- nothing fancy. He made me stick to regular clothes too. Shirt and jeans. The impression I’m making is of a weakling. A little boy crawling back to his daddy because the big bad world is too scary.

Johnny glances at me. “Make your peace with this Daken- you’re not going in there sulking.”

“Then I won’t go in at all.” I grouse.

Johnny sighs. “We’re parking in the garage. Your dad’s in his office- I think. He said to come straight to him.”

“Of course he did.” I exhale quietly. “The day I take orders from that man- “

“Has already passed.” Johnny informs. “You take his orders all the time.”

“Not in front of him, I don’t.” I hiss.

“In front of him- behind his back…. What’s the difference? He still knows that you’re taking them.”

“The difference is that I don’t do it in front of his little lackeys!”

“’Lackeys’?”

“Lackeys.” I grouse.

Johnny chuckles, pulling us into a spacious garage. I silently pray that he hits something… and that that something belongs to my father. That would affect both of them. Johnny hates it when something happens to his cars and Logan has similar feelings towards his.   
  
Especially his bike. 

So if Johnny's car hit Logan's bike- it would be perfect. 

The garage is large and filled with vehicles. I know for a fact that most of them are Logan's. The other x-men's are here too- of course. But my father has a vast collection of vehicles that he works on. They're all housed neatly in the cement like car- cave. 

He turns the car off and turns to look at me. “None of the kids saw you- you can stop slouching.”

“I hate that they know I’m here. They look at me like I’m defect.”

“No they don’t.” Johnny laughs.

“They do. They look at me like I’m Logan’s poor deluded little lost- “

“Too many adjectives.” Johnny takes his hand off the wheel and puts it in mine. “No one is going to look down on you. As far as the kid’s know – you’re just visiting your father.”

“I never ‘visit’ my father.”

“They don’t know that.” Johnny kisses the back of my hand. “Just a normal, run of the mill, family visit.”

“Where my boyfriend takes the car and strands me here.” I hiss, continuing to slouch and direct my attention to the window.

“I’m not ‘stranding’ you. Logan will gladly take you anywhere you want to go-“

“I want to go home!”

Johnny sighs. “I know you do. Trust me- I know. And if it was possible- I’d let that happen.”

“It is possible.” I try to reason. “I’ll be fine. I don’t need a babysitter.”

“Logan will want to see you.” Johnny says after some thought. “We can talk about it with him.”

“No-we can’t.” I hiss. “Because the second I step out of this car I am under his fucking orders and control.”

“No you’re not-” He tries to laugh.

“I am. I’m surprised he hasn’t come out here to see what’s taking so long.”

“He’s not going to come out here. He knows you need space.”

“Why? Why does he know that?” I growl in frustration.

“Daken…. He was there when you were at your worst…. He was there when we rescued you- both times. He knows because it’s his job to know.”

“I didn’t ask for that!!”

“I know you didn’t- but he’s your father.” Johnny says in a tone that means he’s done with this conversation. “It’s his job.”

“Why now? Why not before? Why- “?

“Shh.” Johnny shushes. “Shh, honey. It’s fine. Get out of the car.” He offers me a smile. “It’s fine.”

“I’m not getting out of the car.” I reply.

“Unbuckle your seat belt and get out of the car.” Johnny says in a guarded tone.

“No.”

“Daken- “

“NO. I said ‘no’ and I mean it. I’m not getting out of the car.”

Johnny sighs and opens his car door. He unbuckles his seat belt, pockets the keys and steps out onto the concrete.

“I’m getting your bags.” He announces from outside the car.

“I won’t be needing them.”

Johnny opens the trunk and picks up my black duffle bag. “Then what are you going to wear?” He calls from behind the car.

I glare at him through the back window “Something from my closet.” I go back to looking out the passenger window. “At home.”

“Your closet is here now.” Johnny sticks his head back in the car door. “Coming?”

“No.”

“Daken- “

“No.”

“Honey, please- “

I turn and glare at him. “Make me.”

“You’re being childish.” Johnny says sternly.

“Why shouldn’t I be? Everyone treats me like a child! Why not act like it??”

“No one is treating you like a child.” Johnny sighs. “If you don’t get out of this car- I will go get him. Then you will be treated as a child.”

“You wouldn’t dare.” I hiss.

“I’ll just call him right now. He’ll make you get out of the car. Probably stick you in an observation room until he’s sure you’ve calmed down.” Johnny is bluffing. “The whole school would see.”

“Johnny- please.” I resort to begging. “We can do this another way.”

“Daken-” Johnny pinches the bridge of his nose. “I don’t understand this. I know you and he have a past- but I thought you were getting along better than this.”

“Its not that we don’t get along!”

“Oh? Then what is it- because I’m really at a loss here.”

I stare down at my lap. “I just don’t want to do this.”

“You don’t have another option.” Johnny says gently. “Get out of the car, act like a grown up, and do what you have to do.” He waits a second. “Come on Daken- I know you’re better than this.”

“Please-“

“No. Get out of the car.”

“Johnny- “

“Now- Daken.”

He’s getting angry. I don’t want us to have a fight a few days before he goes on a mission. I really don’t. It’s not my intention.

‘doesn’t seem to matter much now.’ Master snorts.

“Fine,” I grouse. “I’ll get out of the car.”

Johnny smiles. “Thank you.”

I feel like I’m an inmate on death row- a man taking his final steps.

“Smile.” Johnny instructs. “You look like we’re about to ax you.”

He waits for me to walk in front of the car before picking up the bag at his feet and holding an arm out to me.

“I am heading for the ax.” I grouse.

Johnny puts his hand on my lower back and starts to guide us.

The house is big. It’s… beautiful- I’ll give him that.

But it smells too much of… children. Of class rooms. Of the sulfur those little demon like creatures leave behind.

“Ease up.” Johnny says quietly. “It’s a short walk to his office. Relax- okay?”

“The kids are looking at me.”

“You look good.” Johnny says with a smile. “I look good. We look good together- they’re awe stricken.”

“Yeah right.”

Kids are staring. Quite obviously too.

All of them are dressed in uniforms. Black and white. Girls in skirts, boys in pants. Suit jackets on everyone. It makes me sick to my stomach. He controls how the children dress. He controls it. Like he just has to be over every single little detail of every single little person. 

A dark skinned girl stops dead in her tracks- talking with another one. I think that one is one of Laura’s friends. The girl with the metal skin… liquid metal- something like that. The two of them eye us with a look that can only be described as ‘enamored’.

“They think we’re a scandal.” I try to explain to Johnny. “The boys are uncomfortable and the girls are… interested.”

“Kids will be kids.” Johnny smiles at the crowd that’s gathering around us and continues to lead the way to my father’s office.

“It’s the Human Torch.” A young kid whispers to his friend. “Do you think he’d set something on fire for me?”

“I don’t think Professor Logan would like that.” The other kid whispers in obvious reservation.

Johnny smiles at the kids. Like they hadn’t been asking if he’d do party tricks.

“I don’t want to do this.”

“You’ve said that.” Johnny’s still smiling.

“Johnny- please-” I try to stop moving but he’s pressing into me, keeping the pace.

“Is he alright?” Someone whispers. “I’ve heard that he- “

I try to stop listening- I do. I don’t want to know what these brats have heard about me.

“He looks like he’s going to – “

Stop. Stop. Stop. I’ll gut someone. I’ll paint this hall with their blood- stop talking. Stop whispering.

“Ignore them.” Johnny says gently. “Relax. You’re extremely tense and they can feel it.”

Pheromones. Damn.

“Ease up.” Johnny instructs. We pass the crowd of children and his hold on me get’s more secure.

We go to the door with Logan’s name on it, which already has a woman standing in front of it. (Professor- ha. That’s a laugh)

“Daken. Johnny.” She greets- that same voice from the jet when I was rescued. A dark skinned woman with a quite an impressive Mohawk- something that I more than anyone knows how hard it is to maintain- and a sweet accent stands in front of us. The wind rider. Logan’s …. Love interest. “Running a little behind- aren’t you?” She asks playfully. She’s dressed in an outfit that shows off a wonderful body. Tight white crop top, black jeans- and… I’m comparing her to my mother. Which is difficult… because to be honest- I don’t know what my mother looks like. Not really- anyway. I want to think that everyone Logan’s been with after her is pale comparison.

I want to scream at him for moving on. For forgetting her in the first place. For not having more of her things- of her life. Of her history. I don’t want him to be with anyone- I want him to remember her. I want someone….

I want someone to remember her.

“Ororo.” Johnny greets. “We had some trouble getting ready.”

“Trouble?” She asks, hinting at true concern.

“Just a little bit.” Johnny says with a nod.

She turns to me, white hair catching in the sun. If I wasn’t so off put, I’d ask her how she get’s it stand up like that…. My own hair is a little flat today. “How are you feeling?”

 

“Fine.” I say stiffly.

She looks me over. “Your father isn’t here right now- he’s teaching a class.” She offers a smile. “He’s asked me to take you to your room. He suspected you would be upset and thought you’d like to relax a little upon your arrival.”

“How very... thoughtful.” Johnny nudges me in the ribs. “Right, Daken?”

I glare at him.

“This way.” Storm smiles and leads us up the stairs to a wing-

Oh fuck no.

This is the staff wing.

This… he wants me to stay on the same hall as him??

“Here you are.” She smiles, stopping at the third door to the left. “Logan’s class gets out in,” She looks down at her watch, “About thirty minutes. He isn’t big on letting them go early…”

“Because that would be something generous to do.” I grouse.

Storm looks me over cautiously. “I’m sure he has his reasons.” She offers me a smile. “Why don’t you get settled in?” She turns to Johnny. “I’ll show you to your room later.”

He nods. “Thank you.”

“Of course.” She smiles again.

We wait outside the door until she’s gone.

“This is the staff wing.” I hiss.

“And?” Johnny questions patiently.

“He’s literally right across the hall!”

“He probably just wants to make sure you’re fine through the night.” Johnny says cheerfully. “You were trying to escape last night.”

“Please.” I snort. “I could have gotten away at anytime. I can still get away at any time.”

“I doubt it.” He says carefully.

“And why’s that?”

Johnny smiles a little sheepishly. “Their telepath has a security device in mind.”

Ah. Which telepath though? I’m partial to the Grey woman- she was very helpful in the past.  
The purple haired ninja though? I don’t see us getting along.

Johnny opens the door for me. “Ah.” He walks into the room, looking around. “This is nice- Daken. Come see this.”

“I’m not willingly walking into my cell.”

Johnny turns at looks at me with a raised eyebrow. “You’re a prisoner now- huh?”

“That’s what it feels like.” I affirm.  
“IF this is your ‘cell’ I’d gladly commit a crime.” He smiles. “Look- you’ve got your own bathroom, your own TV. There’s a fridge- “

“I don’t care.” I cross my arms. This is pointless. This whole thing is pointless.

Not only is Logan taking complete control- he’s got me right across the hall from him. I know how well his hearing works when he wants it too.

Same as mine- only he’s a lot more selective.

He’ll hear everything he wants. I’ll have no privacy. This is an illusion. This is a cell- I am a prisoner I-

“Come sit down.” Johnny’s back by my side. “Please.”

“He’s taking me hostage.”

“What?” Johnny sounds so strange and distant.

“He’s… I’ll never leave. Johnny- I’ll never leave.” He’ll … “He’s going to-"

“Come sit down.” Johnny says in my ear. “Come on. Let’s not do this out here- okay? Let’s go somewhere private.”

I…. fine.

I let him walk me into the room. Johnny places me on the bed and bends down in front of me, taking my hand. “You are not a prisoner.” He says sternly. “This is not a cell. Your father is doing what he thinks is best…. And honestly I think it’s best too.”

“Please-“

“I know you’re scared-“

“I’m not scared.” I growl.

“But you are- honey. You’re borderline hysterical right now. I don’t know why you’re scared… and honestly you might not either. So the important thing to remember is- you are fine. In three weeks, I will come back and we will go home.”

I glare at him again.

“Dirty looks aren’t going to change this.” He kisses my hand. “Deal with it- okay? Like a grown up. You’re already upset from this morning- “

“I-” I go to defend but he interrupts,

“You are.” He says sternly. “And now you’re agitated. You’re on unstable ground right now. All it’s going to take is a single push and you’re not going to be able to stop it. And we both know you don’t want to do anything that’s going to give you that push or help it along in any way.”

I sigh. He’s right. “Okay.”

He offers me a smile. “Get yourself together. I’ll unpack your bags.”

I relax into the comfortable mattress wondering just who this room was intended for. What’s Logan’s turn over rate for ‘professors’ here?

The room is spacious- I’ll give him that. Wood floors with an assortment of plain rugs run through it into the bathroom- where I can kind of see tiles from the bed. The mattress on the bed is large, comfortable, soft- it’s passable. The tan comforter is also high grade…. Of course. Why wouldn’t it be? Only the best for the x-men.

Johnny’s over by a dresser- a deep dark oak dresser. It looks old and sturdy. He unpacks my bag slowly, glancing over when he catches me staring.

“I packed you something.” He says quietly.

“You packed a lot of things.”

Johnny smiles. “Something special.”

“Sentimental, are we?” I question from my reclined position.

“If you don’t want to know what it is….” He trails off.

Propping myself up on an elbow, I look him over. “What is it?”

He bends down and pulls out some sort of cloth.

“You brought me a blanket?”

Johnny nods. “You don’t sleep well without me…. And it smells like me- I’m assuming. I sleep with it when I’m watching TV.”

Ah. I could be a smart ass… “Thank you.” I say instead.

“Not too ‘sentimental’ for you?” He teases, walking across the room and laying the blanket out across the bed.

“Not really.” I admit.

“Good.” He sits down beside me on the bed. “You feeling better?”

“I-“

“Be honest.” He says gently. “I know when you lie.”

“No you don’t.”

“Yes- I do.” He smiles but it’s a pale version of his usual smile. “How are you?”

I could lie to him to prove a point… but I don’t want to play head games with him. I constantly have to remind myself that he doesn’t deserve that. That no one really deserves that. I try to be rational… and to see people like I would want to be seen.

But going against Romulus’ training is hard sometimes. It takes serious effort.

Not so much with Johnny- I truly love him more than any other person on the planet… in my entire life. I’d do anything for Johnny. If making myself go against my training keeps him happy, safe, and with me- then it’s a small price to pay.

“Daken?”

“I’m rocky.” I answer, looking away from him.

“Come here.” He says softly.

“What?”

“Lay your head on my lap.” He orders.

“Why?”

“Suspicious much?” He laughs.

I contemplate his options before deciding that this could lead to something pleasurable. Plus- we’re about to be separated. I do want to have as much contact with him as I can get.

We maneuver around until my head is in his lap and I’m staring at the wall.

“Are you happy now?”

He starts to run his fingers through my hair- which we’ve both come to learn that I actually like.

“Yes.” He says softly. “I’m happy.”

“Good.” I close my eyes, letting the repeated motion take care of some of the general anxiety that’s come with today.

“You’re going to be okay.” He says just as softly as before. “You’re going to be fine, and well taken care of, and you may even find it enjoyable.”

“I doubt it.” I snort.

“Give it a chance- Okay? I’ll send a transmission as often as I can…. Beast said he had a device where you could get personal transmissions… I’ll make sure you have it before I leave.”

“You’re going off to space.” I state somewhat sullenly. “To fight aliens.”

“Yes.” He continues to stroke me. “I am. And I will be home before you know it.”

“If you say so.” I grouse.

Johnny’s other hand makes slow strokes down my neck. It’s a sleep inducing combination. I wonder what his game is.

“I need you to take your pills, not fight with your dad, and not stab anyone while I’m gone.”

Right. “I can do two of those things.”

“Don’t fight with your dad.” He exhales. “Do NOT fight with your dad.”

“I- “

“You’ll stop fighting with your dad.” Johnny interrupts. “I can’t seem to get you to understand that he’s the one calling the shots.”

“Ah- “

“He pays for our house. He pays for our food. He pays for our water- your clothes- your medical bills- that’s all him.”

I sigh. “I know.”

“And you know he wouldn’t cut you off- he’s too good of a man for that.”

“Logan is not a ‘good’ man.” I hiss, lowering my voice.

“He is a good man. And more importantly he’s trying to be a good father.” Johnny’s hand on my neck makes small circles. “Let him.”

“What do you mean ‘let him’?”

“Daken-” Johnny sounds amused suddenly. “You barely let me take care of you. You barely let anyone take care of you… unless you’re dying.”

“And??”

“You’re sick honey,” He says gently. “Please- I’m not going to be here. Let Logan take care of you when you need it. Don’t put him through the wringer.”

“…”

“Please Daken,” Johnny says carefully, “Please. I need to know that you’re okay when I’m gone.”

“…. fine.”

“Yeah?”

“Fine. I’ll not fight with Logan.”

Johnny chuckles. “Good. Thank you. The last thing this school needs is the two of you going at it.”

I go to respond but there’s a knock at the door.

“Three guesses as to who that is?” I whisper.

“Play nice.” He whispers back.

“But of course.”

Johnny continues to stroke me. “Ready?”

There’s a second knock.

“As I’m going to be.” I sigh.

“Good.” He’s quiet for a second. “Come in!”

And this gut wrenching feeling that I didn’t know I was experiencing- doubles. It’s going to be a shit show. I can feel it.


	4. Thinkin'

The food here is typical cafeteria food. Even the salads are unhealthy.

Johnny- like every time we come here- loves it. He says he always wanted to go to private school. Apparently being a teenage superhero living in plain sight amongst his peers just wasn’t ‘cool’ enough for him.

“This place is awesome.” He gushes. “My school was like- “

I tune him out. I love him- but him singing my father’s praises is just too much to handle.

“Yea it’s okay.” Logan sounds politely bored. “You’re not eating.” He turns to me.

“I’m not hungry.”

“He’s eating right?” He asks Johnny.

“Don’t answer that,” I growl. “I’m right here- Logan. You don’t get to talk over my head.”

He holds a hand up. “Tone down the hostility, son.” He takes a bite of the sandwich in front of him. “I’m just asking a question.”

“Like you don’t know the answer.”

“Daken- Are you al-“

“Don’t,” I growl. “Just don’t.”

“I know you don’t want to be here,” Logan says quietly. “But try to relax- okay? This isn’t going to go by any faster with you being unpleasant.”

“He’s having a rough day.” Johnny intervenes, interrupting the scathing comment on my tongue. “He’ll be fine once he’s got some food in him and has a chance to get settled in.”

“Johnny- “

“Daken.” He raises an eyebrow. “We talked about not fighting with your father.”

“He started it.”

Logan snorts. “I asked you a question.”

“Which is starting it.” I growl.

“Maybe you should go lay down.” He says before taking another bite. “You’re too upset. We can’t do this with you like this.”

“See?? See what I mean?”

“You are upset.” Johnny says quietly.

“But- “

“He’s not telling you anything that I wouldn’t.” Johnny continues. “Calm down. Breathe… eat your food… answer the questions- okay?” He rubs a thumb over the knuckles of the hand he’s been holding. “Please, Daken. Just answer the questions.”

“How’s…” Logan points to his head in some odd motion.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about.” I seethe.

“The hallucinations?” He says after some thought.

“Oh. They’re wonderful.” I say mockingly, smiling. “I’m having a great time with them.”

“Daken…” He sighs. “Please- son. You know we’ve got to get these questions out of the way.”

Which would be why I’m so upset.

Before I’m allowed to interact with anyone else- they have to assess me. For ‘the children’s’ sake. The mighty x-men thought Logan would be the best person for the job.

“How frequent?”

“Who says they’re still happening?” I counter.

Logan looks up from his plate. “How often?”

“I don’t have to answer that. It’s irrelevant to the situation at hand.”

Logan looks me over. “If you stab one of my students because you think they’re someone else- that is relevant. How often do the hallucinations occur?”

“I- “

Johnny looks at me pleadingly. “Come on, honey. You have to do this.”

“Every hour.” I say into the dense silence we’ve created.

“Visual?”

“Every three hours.” I look down at the salad in front of me.

“Okay.” Logan says quieter than before. “Delusions?”

“I can’t answer that- can I?” I growl. “Obviously I don’t know when I’m delusional- if I knew I wouldn’t be delusional.”

“I was talking to Johnny.”

Johnny glances between us. “He thought that someone was coming for him this morning… and that everyone was conspiring against him.”

“I see.”

“Can we stop?” I feel so overwhelmed.

“A few more.” Logan says softly. “I know you’re done with this.”

“DO you? DO you really? Do you know how upsetting it is to have to answer these type of questions over and over and over?? It makes me feel like a freak.” I whisper the last.

“I’m sorry you feel that way.” He straightens himself. “But I’m not letting you near these kids unless I know you’re able to handle it.”

“And if I’m not??”

Logan looks at me sternly. “You know the answer to that.”

“He’s threatening me!” I grab Johnny’s arm. “You heard him! He’s going to send me- “

“I’m not sending you anywhere.” He says quickly. “Unless- you make me.”

I can’t do anything at the moment. Nothing that would help my case- at any rate.

“How are the pills working?”

“Fine.” I sigh. “They work fine.”

“Ease off my arm, okay?” Johnny makes me loosen my grip. “You’re going to leave bruises.”

“Sorry.” I feel like this is all over my head.

“Do the pills help?”

“Yes.”  
He nods. “Johnny said you had two episodes already today…. is it usually more than that?”

“…. Can I not answer that one?” I ask weakly.

“You have to answer all of them.” Johnny says gently. “You’re almost done.”

“More than that- less? Which one?”

“More.” I don’t know why I feel so fucking upset.

“You’re okay.” Logan says stupidly.

“I don’t need you to calm me down.” I growl.

“You look like you’re really upset.”

“I’ve just told you I’m really upset! Ten out of ten for fucking observation!”

Logan sighs. “Do you want to spend the night in the med wing? Because you sound like you want to spend the night in the med wing.”

“Stop saying things like that!!”

“Ease up.” Johnny says quietly. “Both of you.” He directs his gaze at Logan.

“I’m not threatening him!” Logan says loudly. “I’m saying that if this is too much for him we’ll have-“

“To send me away.” I interrupt. “Send me away. Like all your other problems. Just your lunatic son who needs-“

They’re both looking at me.

“You’re not a lunatic.” Logan says gently. “I would never call you that.”

“It doesn’t change the fact that it’s true.”

“Daken- “

“Are we done?”

“No.” Logan says carefully. “We’re not.”

“I’m not going to attack any of your precious children- Logan. Fuck you for thinking I’d lose control of myself like that- like I needed another thing to fucking worry about. I’ve been dragged from my home and paraded around in front of your students, your team, your-” I have to stop. He’s looking at me… “What?? What are you staring at??”

“You’re crying.” He says in a slightly quieter tone than before. “You’re… really upset.”

“Please- I want to go.” I want to escape as soon as possible. This is a shit show.

“Go straight to your room.” Logan says after a moment. “Johnny,” he turns to the man. “Walk him there.”

“You’re putting me under house arrest?” I scoff. “Right now? Do I look like I’m going to hurt anyone to you??”

“You look like you’re going to hurt yourself.” He says quietly. “Johnny, take him to his room. Get him laid down- alright? I’ll come check on him soon.”

“Oh no you won’t.” I growl. “You’ll stay the fuck away from me.”

“You’ll feel differently once you’ve calmed down.”

“You don’t get to make that decision for me!” I stand up from the table, starting to take a step back.

“Daken- please.” He says lowly. “You’re not feeling well. Don’t make a scene.”

“Make a…. “I snort. “Make a scene??”

“Daken- I’m going to ask you again- please go to your room and calm down.”

“Or what?” I growl. “What are you going to do Logan?? Cart me off to some institution?? Go through with that ‘therapy’ paperwork you’re toying around with? What??”

“What are you talking about?” He says evenly.

“You know.” I growl. “They tell me about the ‘options’ in front of me.”

“What’s he talking about?” Johnny asks in a serious tone.

“It’s…. look- sit down Daken.” He looks at me sternly. “Please- sit down.”

“What’s he talking about Logan?”

Logan puts his head in his hands and inhales slowly. “His doctor came to me with a treatment idea. She told me to give it some serious thought before turning it down.”

“And it was?” Johnny presses.

“They want to fucking shock me.” I growl. “he’s going to let them shock me. After what- after- “

“Easy.” Logan says gently. “Son- it’s not what you think it is.”

“How do you know that?? Are you going to stay with me the whole time? Watch them- “

I feel sick.

“You’d be sedated.” He says gently. “The voltage is not even near a level of that would cause you pain. There’s a bit- you won’t bite your tongue- “

“I can’t believe you’re even considering it!” I definitely feel tears this time… only it’s from anger. I’m shaking with it.

“Have they talked to you about it?” He asks evenly. “Like really talked to you about it? Showed you anything?”

“I was fucking tortured with that procedure. Can you please just think for a second how that makes me- “

“Easy.” He says gently. “Easy son. It’s alright.”

I feel sick.

“Can I please go? Surely you’re done for the day.”

Logan stands up from the table. “Let me walk you.”

“I’d prefer if you didn’t.”

“Didn’t ask what you preferred.”

I glance over him. “You never do.”

Johnny looks to be in shock. Down right awe-stricken.

“Lemme walk him, Storm. We need a moment.”  
“I want him to come.” I back away from my father. “Please.”

“You’ll be fine without him.” Logan assures. “We have to talk about this… I should have consulted you before…. Let’s talk about it.”

“I’d rather not.”

“Easy.” He repeats.

“Why do you keep saying that??” I demand.

“You’re pumping out enough pheromones to take down the Hulk.” He says carefully. “You’ve driven every child in this room into tears.”

I laugh at him. “No I haven’t.”

“Look for yourself.”

I glance around… and I’m shocked. “I’m... sorry. I didn’t mean to…. “

“I know you didn’t.” He says gently. “Walk with me, okay? Let’s give the kids some room to collect themselves.” He turns to Johnny. “Help them out- will you?”

Johnny nods. “Sure. Sure.” He looks at me, taking my hand again. “You’re going to be okay.”

Logan goes like he’s going to put his hand on my shoulder, but I move away. “Don’t touch me.”

“Okay.” He holds his hand up. “Let’s go.”

The kids are scared shitless. I can smell it on them now.

There’s a small group of what looks like high schoolers silently crying by the exit.

I feel the urge to apologize… it makes my gut twist.

“Go sit over there.” Logan says to them. “Please. Mr. Storm will help you.”

One of the older looking girls nods, taking a younger boy by the shoulders, which sets the group in motion.

“I’m sorry.” I mumble. “I’m... so sorry.”

“You’re fine.” Logan stands behind me. “Keep moving.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know you are.” He says gently. “Keep moving. I’ve told Rachel and Betsy to clear the halls. We shouldn’t run into anyone.”

From behind me, I can hear Johnny starting to joke and laugh with the kids.

“They’ll feel better the further you get away from them.” Logan says quietly. “Please move.”

I feel so disconnected with my body. Like I’m watching myself from afar.

“You’re going to be okay.” He says uselessly as we go up the stairs. “Everything is fine.”

“No, it isn’t.”

“Of course it is.” He assures. “You’re doing fine.”

We finally get to my door. I pause. “Are you coming in?”

“I think I have to.”

“Please don’t.”

He shrugs it off. “Open the door.”

My fingers are numb as I fumble with the doorknob. I realize my room doesn’t have a lock.

“Why don’t I have a lock?”

Logan exhales slowly. “You know why, son.”

“Please stay out.” My voice cracks.

“We need to talk- okay? I’m not going to touch you; I’m not going to stand near you- you can have as much space as you need to. We just have to be in the same room.”

I hesitate. I don’t want to do this.

“Do you want me to call one of the telepaths in to supervise? Maybe ‘Ro?”

“No.” I shake my head. “No. I’m fine.”

The door opens and I stand there awkwardly.

“Where do you want to sit?”

“Can I stay by the door?”

“Sure.” He moves closer to the bed, giving me the entrance. “You okay?”

“Do I look ‘okay’?”

He holds his hand up. “Point received- no obvious questions.”

“That would be best.”

“Did you take your pills this morning?”

“Yes.” I feel so numb.

“All of them?”

“Yes.”

“And you take them every morning?”

This time I just nod.

“Have they tested how they affect your powers?”

I nod again.

“You didn’t feel it happening?”

“No.”

“Okay.” He says with a nod. “Okay. That’s fine. You didn’t know it was happening- I believe that. “

I’m shaking. I don’t know what he wants me to say.

“Daken- that therapy is a good option.” He breaks straight into it. “I know what they did to you- I know. And I know you have reservations…. So the doc asked if we could show you how it was done…. Maybe watch one- see how it works and,”

“I can’t.”

“I know it’s scary… but with your healing factor- “

“I can’t.”

“You won’t feel a thing, Daken. I promise. You won’t feel it.”

“They made my heart stop.” I say, voice small and fearful in remembrance of exactly what happened before. 

“I know they did.” He says softly.

“I died.”

“I know son.”

I feel weak again. “Why would you do this to me?”

“Daken-” he takes a step forward and then stops. “This wasn’t my idea. But it’s a good one.”

“Did you schedule it already?”

He shakes his head. “I scheduled a time to go check it out. You don’t have to do it that day.”

“But I have to do it?” I ask numbly.

“No. We’re just going to check it out. I swear- we’re just going to check it out.”

“Why would you do this? Do you really hate me that much? Why would you-“

“I don’t hate you.” He says in a very soft voice.

“Then you’re punishing me. What have I done? I won't do it again. I’m sorry-“

“Don’t apologize,” Logan says. “Son, you’ve done nothing wrong.”

“Then why? Why would you hurt me like this?”

“I’m trying to help you.” He says gently, face showing nothing but concern.

“They said that too!” My voice rises. “Why... they told me.” I pace in the doorway. “They told me you’d do this. They told me that I was going to be sent back- they-“

“They who?”

I just shake my head. “You won’t like the answer to that.”

“The voices? They told you that you were going to be tortured again?”

It sounds so trivial when he says it that way.

“I’m sorry, Daken…” He exhales slowly. “You understand that we don’t know what they’re telling you- right? I know that’s one hell of a coincidence- but that’s what it is. A coincidence.”

“You hate me. After all this time- you hate me.” My voice is broken. Only Logan can extract these reactions from me.

It's a bond that I hate.

“I don’t hate you.”

“You’ve threatened to send me away… and to torture me-“

“I’m not threatening to torture you.” He says gently. “No, no. That’s not what this is. It’s not a threat. It’s not something that’s going to hurt you… “He takes another step forward. “You’d be so doped up that you wouldn’t realize what was going on.”

I think for a second.

“They’d do the drugs before I entered the building?”

“It’s not normal procedure… but we could make a good case for it.” He says earnestly.

I have to wipe my face.

“I don’t hate you.” Logan says in the silence. “And you don’t hate me- do you?”

I’m quiet for a second.

“Daken?”

“No.” I exhale. “No, I don’t hate you.”

“Good. You have to trust me- okay? I know I make a lot of your decisions- but I’m doing what’s best for you, alright?”

I nod.

“You look shell-shocked.” He observes. “Why don’t you sit on the bed?”

I just stare at him.

“We’ll trade places.” He suggests. “You come over here and I’ll go over there.” He looks at me carefully, “Deal?”

I continue to stare at him.

“Daken- you look faint. Please- come sit on the bed.”

“Alright.” He walks back to the door, holding his arm towards the bed.

I’m numb as I take the short steps.

“Sit down.” He says quietly. “Relax.”

The mattress is still soft. I don’t know why- but I was expecting it to feel different.

“Do you have any questions for me?”

I shake my head.

“Can you talk to me?”

I shake my head again.

“Lay down.” He instructs. “Okay? Lay down and get some sleep.”

“Are you going to stand there?”

“No.” he answers. “I’m not.”

I nod, though I doubt he sees it.

“Lay down.”

I follow his instructions, resting my cheek against the comforter.

“I’ll get Johnny- okay? He should be done by now.”

I can’t respond to him.

“Daken… I don’t hate you- okay? I definitely don’t hate you.”

I shouldn’t care. I shouldn’t feel so weak when he says this.

“I’m going to keep you happy- alright? You will never have to go through any of that shit again… No one will touch you.”

“Thank you.” I mumble.

“Okay. I’m going to call Johnny.” He steps out of the room but keeps the door open.

I try not to listen to him.

I try…

“He’s kinda weepy.” Logan says quietly. “Could probably use some of that touchy-feely shit you do.”

I can’t hear Johnny’s response. He must have said it quietly.

“No. I didn’t touch him.”

There’s a pause.

“He wouldn’t let me on the same side of the room as him.”

I’m sorry. I can’t. I… just can’t.

“No. He’ll be okay. He answered all the questions.” Logan says even quieter than before. “I don’t think he’s going to hurt anybody.”

I won’t. Why would I?

I... can’t even be angry. The fire’s gone.

“Hurry up- alright? He really needs someone in the room with him.”

I do?

Probably.

“The gloves? I don’t know. I’ll let you decide. He looks too tired to try anything.”

I close my eyes- blocking out their conversation.

Logan’s scent stays stationary… he doesn’t make noise after he hangs the phone up.

I hear when Johnny joins him.  
“Hey,”

“He’s stayed in one spot,” Logan says quietly. “I think he’s tired.”

“Thanks,” Johnny says softly. “I’ll take it from here.”

Logan makes a noise of affirmation. “If you get him to sleep give me a call- alright? I wanna check on him before I go to bed.”

“You think he’ll be out that long?”

“I think we’re looking at a little ‘rest’ yes.”

“’Rest’ is usually what does the trick.” Johnny affirms.

“Take care of him.” Logan says in parting.

Johnny walks through the door and shuts it behind him. He flips off the light and walks over to the window. Keeping the blinds closed, he manages to open it, letting in a soft breeze. “Better.” He says to himself before walking over to the bed.

He takes a knee, his scent and sounds getting very close to me. “Tired?”

“…”

“I thought you would be.” He touches my side and I jolt. “Easy….”

“The kids?”

“They were fine…. It’s not every day you get hit with that much pheromones.” He touches me again. “Easy.”

“I’m not a horse.” There’s no heat behind it.

“Nope. Just an extremely unstable emotion manipulating mutant.” He sounds like he’d be smiling. “You want under the blankets?”

“No.”

“You want to lose the shirt?”

“…I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” Johnny’s hand moves to my back. “What do you want?”

“I don’t know.” I repeat.

“Let’s do this,” He rises to his feet. “I’ll sit on the edge of the bed and try my best to help you sleep. If it happens- great. If not, then you’ll at least be relaxed.”

“… fine.”

“I’m going to touch your back, your head, and your shoulders.” He says very precisely.

“Okay.”

He slowly sits beside me, settling a hand on the small of my back and soothingly sliding it upwards. “Have a good talk with your dad?” He questions after a few minutes.

I shake my head.

“He loves you, Daken.” Johnny says gently. “He really does.”

“He wouldn’t do this if he loved me.”

“It might help.” Johnny offers. “Would you like if I went with you?”

That brings a well of sadness in me. “You won’t be here.”

“Daken-“

“It’s just me and him… and he hates me.”

“Logan doesn’t hate you.” He says gently. “He wants to check on you, and make sure you’re eating, and try to keep you healthy- he doesn’t hate you.”

“Why is he doing this to me?” Tears slide down my face.

“You’re scared.” Johnny says carefully. “You have every right to be scared.”

“They tortured me.”

“I know, Daken. I know.”

“He saw it.”

“I know he did- he knows what he saw. He wouldn’t be suggesting this if he didn’t think it would help.”  
“Please… don’t let him do this to me.”

“You get the final say- honey.” Johnny says carefully. “You get the final say.”

“Do I?”

Johnny slides his hand back down my back. And back up. And Back down.

“You’re so strong. So much stronger than even you think you are.” He says instead of answering me. “You can get through a tiny shock…. you’ve already done much worse.”

“But- “

“You can mend this with your father.” Johnny continues. “You can look past what you think is happening and what the voices tell you- and you can see what’s actually there.”

I bring the pillow closer to my head. “You can do anything and everything you set your mind to… in time. Okay? In time- this will come back to you. Right now- you just have to fight. And I know you don’t want to- you’ve done so much already. But just do a little more.” His hand continues its path. “You have so much left in you- you do. You have a fire that I know can help you through anything.”

“I feel weak.” I admit.

“You’re not,” Johnny assures. “I’ve seen you at your worst- you weren’t weak then either.”

“You haven’t seen me at my worst.” I correct, feeling numbness slide over me.

“Oh?” Johnny bends down lower, his scent getting closer. “When was your worst?”

“…In the hole.”

“Ah.” He rubs my back more firmly. “You’ve been thinking about that a lot today.”

“… I have.”

“Any reason?” He sounds so gentle…. And his motions are very pleasurable. I close my eyes, letting the darkness set in.

“Master told me I was going back…. And then Logan tells me I have to do this…. It’s a short jump.”

“No,” Johnny soothes. “No- that’s a very extreme connection to make…. And you sound like you’ve known about the therapy for a while.” He assesses. “That’s why you didn’t want to come here.”

“…Yes.”

“And that’s why you’ve been so hostile to your father.”

“Yes.”

Johnny pats my shoulder. “See how much time we could have saved if you would have told me this?”

“Oh?”

“Yea.” He brings his hand down along my spine. “You’re tired.”

“Yea.”

“You’re making me tired.” Johnny says with a small laugh,

“…Sorry.”

He sighs. “Go to sleep Daken. You’ll feel much better when you get up…. And maybe Logan will ease off and let you out of the room.”

“Is he going to keep me here against my will?”

Johnny mumbles, “I think he’s next door…. Guarding.”

“Ah.” I can’t do anything other than breathe at this point.

Johnny’s hand stops, he moves to my face. “You’re gonna be alright.”

I think he’s checking for tears.

“I promise you- you will be fine.”

It’s a tough promise to make.

He has no way to follow through with it…. I know this. Logically- Johnny has no say over my wellbeing. He can’t just snap his fingers and make it go away…. No one can.

But…. Hearing him say it makes me feel better. So I suppose it will have to do for now.


	5. Wanted

“Hey,” My hearing is muffled by my drowsiness. “Here, sit up for a second.”

“Huh?”

“Sit up.” The voice is Johnny. He helps pull me into a seated position, letting me blink the confusion and sleep out of my eyes before saying, “Take these.”

He presses two tablets into my hand.

“What?” I groan.

“Pills.” He clarifies.

Night time pills. It must be ten already.

“How long have I been asleep?”

“Five hours,” Johnny says quietly. “You can go back to sleeping after you take the pills.”

The very next thought on my mind is, “Is Logan gone?”

Johnny’s quiet for a second. “He’s in his room.”

“But he’s gone?” Sleep is making this a hard point to make.

“He wants to talk to you before you go back to sleep.” Johnny says, holding a cup out to me.

“I don’t want to talk to him.” I grouse, taking the cup and swallowing the pills.

“He’s talked to your doctor….”

That stops me. “Good news?”

Johnny slowly shakes his head. “No. She wants to talk to you now….”

“It’s the weekend.”

“She said to call her on her personal number tomorrow morning.”

“Yea.” I raise an eyebrow. “I’ll get right on that.”

“It’s a conference call,” Johnny explains, offering a small smile. “We’re going to have to watch you do it to make sure that you actually do.”

“Of course you are.” I sigh. “Why do you always give me bad news at night?”

“So it won’t surprise you in the morning.” He says simply. “You should go talk to Logan… so you can go to bed.”

“He can wait until the morning.” I assure, laying back down.

“He’ll come in here.”

“I’ll be asleep.” I mumble, closing my eyes and holding the pillow closer to my face.

“Hey- “

“Hmm?”

“Are you really going to sleep?”

“…. yes.”

“Without kissing me?” He sounds sheepish.

I smile into the pillow. “Come down here then.”

“Logan doesn’t want us in the same bed.”

“Good thing Logan’s not here.”

He laughs a little. “He’ll have my head if he thinks I’m ‘deflowering’ you.”

“Please.” I snort. “I’m no blushing virgin.”

He smiles again. “Tell that to your dad…”

I smile again. “Come get your kiss- I’m going to sleep.”

Johnny bends low, making me turn my head so he can press his lips to mine. “Goodnight.” He says, face still close to mine. “What time do you want to be up by tomorrow?”

“...ten?”

“You didn’t bring your phone.” He explains. “I’ll have to set you an alarm from mine.”

Damn. I knew I was forgetting something.

“Don’t worry. Logan can run and get it for you.” He says. “We forgot your sedatives too…. If he has to use any it will be the ‘knockout’ kind. Not the ‘calm down’ ones.”

We didn’t forget the sedatives. I hid the sedatives.

“I’m having a hard time telling him exactly where they are…” He says, grinning. “Because someone keeps hiding them.”

“…. Oh?”

“And I find them and hide them from him…. but he just sniffs them out and hides them again.”

“I flushed them.” I admit, feeling like I should boast about my victory.

“And I got them refilled.” Johnny smiles. “Checkmate.”

He’s good at this. “You’re getting better.” I note.

“You’re starting to behave better.” He counters.

“You wound me.” I turn back over and face the wall.

Johnny’s silent for a minute. “Are you going to continue to take your pills this well while I’m gone?”

“...Yes.”

“Even though it will be Logan giving them?”

“…..”

“Yea, I didn’t think so.”

“I’ll take them.” I grouse.

But I plan on mixing up the dosages on him. I know the anxiety one is good for a small high if taken in the right quantity…. And the antidepressants can be lowered if I actually want an appetite again….

“Planning something?”

“Not at all.”

“Liar.” He chuckles, standing further away now. “Logan put me on the other side of the school… In the kid’s dormitories.”

“Lucky you.”

“I think my neighbors are smoking pot.” He continues.

“Surprised daddy dearest doesn’t stop that.”

“I honestly don’t think he can get in the room. Every time I get close to the door my brain starts buzzing…. Like some kind of telepathic interruption of my thoughts.”

“Smart kids.” I chuckle.

“I’m half tempted to join them.”

I laugh at him. “I knew you were smoking the other day.”

“Hmm?”

“The house smelled like weed. You went to college- you can’t tell me you never tried it.” I smile at him. “You had a college buddy over and the two of you got high.”

“You were supposed to be with Laura.” He sounds like he’s smiling, though.

“I was with Laura.” I smirk. “You smelled like it, the house smelled like it, and your friends’ eyes were red when he left.”

“…Then that would explain why the rest of my ‘stash’ went missing.”

I nod. “You were on a mission.”

“And you were what- bored?”

“I lived through the sixties and the seventies.” I state. “It makes me reminisce.”

“Of course it does.” He chuckles. “I love you. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“I love you too.”

“You said it back.” He says in shock. “Out loud.”

“… I’m feeling sentimental.”

He laughs to himself. “Good night sweet prince.”

“I’m not a prince.” I argue. “I’m a god.”

“Delusional tonight are we?”

That makes me laugh. “Go. Go smoke pot with your little ‘rebels’. It’ll make their little heads spin.”

“As you wish.” I’m pretty sure he bowed to me at the sound his clothing made. The door closes behind him and leaves me in the dark.

Sleep finds me easily- helped along by the drugs.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Morning.”

I half expected Johnny…. Who I’m hearing is definitely not Johnny.

“Sleep well?”

“What do you want?” I groan.

“Your dad sent me to wake you.” The red haired woman says pleasantly. “And to get a good read on you this morning.”

“Stay out of my head- Grey.”

“I got all I needed while you were sleeping.” She assures. “That’s why I’m waking you up.”

“No fucking privacy.” I growl.

“Sorry. It’s not one of the luxuries you’re allowed- I’m afraid.”

“I didn’t know my own thoughts were considered luxury items.”

Rachel smiles, crossing her arms over her chest. “I’ve missed sparring with you.” She points between the two of us, “This will be fun.”

“A real riot.” I grouse.

“Logan says to come see him in his office. It’s time for your pills.”

“Logan can come tell me himself.”

Rachel smiles. “Technically he did... just now. Through me.”

“Telepaths.” I groan.

“That’s right.” She chuckles. “Best in the world- my friend.”

“Are we friends now?” I ask in faux innocence.

“Sharp tongue.” She laughs again.

I can’t help but smile at her.

“You missed this too.”

“It’s hard to find people to spar with.” I admit.

She nods. “Get dressed. I’ll walk you to your father.”

“I’m sure I can find the way.”

“I’m sure you can.” She smiles and leaves the room, closing the door behind her.

Johnny packed a lot of ‘comfy’ clothes… but only a few pairs of jeans. I opt for something decently presentable and head for the door.

“No shoes?” She asks when I open it.

I glance down. “I guess not.”

“You ‘guess not’?” She teases. “It’s not too late to grab them.”

“I’m already at the door.”

“You should put shoes on.” She advises. “The bamfs break bottles and glasses on the floor. We don’t always get to them in time.”

I sigh and turn around, digging through the clothes I’ve discarded on the floor until I find my sneakers. “Better?”

“Oh yeah.” She whistles. “Are your jeans always that tight?”

I raise an eyebrow at her. “Maybe.”

“I think boyfriend dressed you.” She grins. “I’m decently sure he brought those hoping you’d pick them before he left.”

“…. Are you now?”

“Johnny’s a mischievous tike.” She continues to grin. “I guess that answer the ‘did you two love birds boink’ question.”

“We’re done here.” I groan.

“What? I’ve already been in your head… I know you had a dream about him last night…. I just wanted to know, for curiosities sake, if it was based on fact.”

“I’m not talking to you about my sex life.”

“But my own is so boring.” She teases.

“Logan picked you to piss me off- didn’t he?” I grouse.

Rachel smiles again. “Nope. That’s just a happy side effect.”

I can’t help but return her smile. “Lead away.”

She nods and starts to lead the way through the hallways.

“Ms. Grey.” One girl stops us. “I uh- had a question about… some-“

The girl's eyes keep flicking to me.

“About what?”

“Uh- “

“About my friend here?” She teases. “Unfortunately he’s happily taken.” She smiles at the girl. “Enjoy looking, though. He’s very pretty.”

The girl looks dumbfounded and slightly embarrassed as we start to walk away.

“That was rude.”

“What she was thinking- was rude.” Rachel snorts. “And illegal.”

We walk further into the school, watching kids run and play- in the younger ones’ cases, or- for the teenagers- sit and sulk in groups.

It’s loud.

“You okay?”

“Lots of kids.” I comment.

“It’s a school.” She laughs. “That tends to happen.”

I personally never went to school. Before Romulus, I was taught by my father in his home…. After that, Romulus hired a tutor… nothing says you’ve completed your schooling like your teacher’s head being thrown at your feet….

Which was a pity. When I was younger my tutor was the one person in that god forsaken place that was nice to me… that actually cared what I thought.

Some of the best books I’ve ever read were because he thought they were something I would actually enjoy. Romulus would have me reading things like that helped with strategy. I’ve read ‘The Art of War’ three times. My tutor thought I would enjoy the classics. He was right. He snuck them into my curriculum and when questioned said it was to ‘round me out’ and ‘make me blend in with upper-class westerners’.

It was horse shit… but Romulus seemed to buy it for a while.

I remember when the beheading happened. I’d heard someone... not Romulus- one of his lackeys- anyway I heard them talking about it. Like it was something funny. I tried to save him.

I tried… and I failed.

Rachel glances over at me. “That’s very sad.”

“Stay out of my head.” I’m not even angry at her. I should have expected it.

“We’ve got a wonderful library.” She says cheerfully. “If you’d like to read some.”

“I might take that offer.”

She’s silent for a second. “What was your tutor’s name?”

I sigh. “He wasn’t allowed to tell me.” When I see the look of dissatisfaction on her face I explain, “Romulus thought it would breed closeness and familiarity. I wasn’t allowed to address him by anything.”

“And you?”

“He never used my name either.” I supply after some deliberation. “Not because he wasn’t allowed to... but because he thought it was cruel.”

“He sounds like a good man.” We walk further into the school.

“He was a stupid man to get caught up in Romulus’ dealings like he did. A smarter man would have fled.” I watch my father’s office get closer. “He was good, stupid, stupid, man.”

She nods. “Your dad’s office.” She points. “He’s waiting for you.”

Of course, he is.

“I usually take my pills after breakfast.”

Rachel raises an eyebrow. “I’m sure it’s been taken care of.”

I step away from her and towards the door… something is off. There’s…. three people in the room.

Two men… I’m guessing Logan and Johnny….

And a woman.

A woman who smells very familiar…. The thought of bookshelves and oil paintings come to mind. My doctor. Out of her office.

It always surprises me for some reason to see my assorted medical team out of their assorted offices. Logically these people have other things to do… but it’s still jarring.

Like… how do I act when you see me? How do you act? How do we address each other?

I almost don’t come in.

I’m turning around as the door opens.

“Daken.” Logan greets.

“I thought we were doing a conference call.” I say stiffly.

“Decided to make it a house call.” The woman behind him says pleasantly. “Good morning Daken.”

“Good morning.”

“Won't you come in?”

She acts like this is her office.

“We don’t meet outside of your office.” I say warily.

“I know that must be jarring for you.” She smiles. “And that our routine is very calming for you.”

“It is.” I agree.

“Would you like for Ms. Grey to verify my identity?” Doctor Willis asks casually. “I know we haven’t done that since we started seeing each other… but the change of locale is making you rightfully nervous.”

The second man in the room turns out not to be Johnny… I don’t know how I could have possibly confused Logan’s blue furred doctor for my boyfriend.

“No, I believe that you’re who you say you are.” I say after some deliberation.

“Very good.” The small woman sits in front of my father’s desk, legs crossed at the ankle. She wears her usual business pant suit- tan calming colors, hair pulled up into a bun. She’s an Asian woman- excuse me, Asian American. Chinese I think.

I don’t know if they chose her to see me because they thought someone close to my own background would be helpful….

To my surprise, I tried to throw her off when we started by speaking solely in Japanese. She kindly let me do an entire thirty minutes where I said nothing but nonsense and whatever popped into my head… before responding in perfect Japanese that my session had not been a waste of time like I had tried to make it and that she had, in fact, gathered some useful information from my rambling.

I have to admit- I kind of like her.

“Come in.” She says with a smile. “Sit with us.”

I walk into the office- kind of unsure of what I expected to be there.

For one- there’s a lot of books. Books…. I just don’t see my father as a reader.

The desk has an assorted number of manila files on it, with names written on the tabs.

Probably disciplinary files.

I see the fullest one belongs to one ‘Quire’. The pink haired telepath I had that unfortunate run in with.

The kid has spunk. And apparently, judging by the file, a lot of it.

“Take a seat.” She smiles pleasantly.

I sit between her and the doctor... scientist… the blue-furred creature. Logan takes a seat behind the desk.

“I heard that you and your father had a little... upset last night.”

“Yes.”

“About the procedure I mentioned to you last week?”

“He shouldn’t be considering it.” I growl.

“Daken, I asked you to consider it too- remember? I said it could be very beneficial. I told you to talk to your father about it that night.”

“…”

“You obviously did not. You let it build up into something that exploded into something else.”

“Why are they here exactly?” I look at the other two men.

Doctor Willis smiles. “You’re avoiding the topic.”

“We don’t do therapy in front of other people.”

“Does that make you nervous?”

“I just want to know why they’re here.”

“We’re putting you in an environment that is not your own with people that are not your preferred people. They need to know what to expect up front so they can help you better. Both your father and Hank will be observing and interfering with your treatment as they see fit.”

“Why?”

“Because Johnny is not going to be there.” She smiles. “How are you feeling about that? It’s a long mission- he tells me.”

“I’m sure he’s capable.” I answer stiffly.

“Are you saying that because there are other people in the room? Johnny said he thought you were a little more upset than you’re letting on.”

“I trust Johnny to know what he can and can’t do.”

That’s a lie. It’s a bold faced lie. Johnny tries to take on more than reasonable when he fights. He’s good at it- but he often get’s his face smashed into the concrete. The one solace I take in the mission is that Ben will be beside him… they give each other a hard time- but they have each other’s backs better than anyone I’ve ever seen.

“You know I don’t like it when you lie to me.”

“Why are they here?” I ask again.

“I’ve already answered that.“ The woman raises an eyebrow. “Are you worried about Johnny’s mission?”

I swallow back some hint of embarrassment that’s lingering around. “Yes.”

She smiles softly. “See? Was that so hard? You’re worried about him…. he’s going very far away. That’s a normal reaction.”

“…I suppose.”

“That fears been leading you to be a little more... upsettable over the last day or so.”

“Yes.”

“And you exploded at your father last night not only because you were scared of the procedure- though that was a major component- but because you’re not dealing with your fear of Johnny leaving.”

“Well, how would you deal with your boyfriend going into space?” I snap.

“I’d tell him that I loved him, that I hoped he’d have a good mission, and to be careful.” She never misses a beat. “And I’d express my worries to him… sometimes people like to know that you’re thinking about them. Have you told Johnny how you feel lately?”

“Can we not-“

“This is important.” She interrupts. “Did you tell Johnny what we talked about? How you need to express your feelings towards him verbally?”

“Yes.”

She nods. “Very good.” This comes with a smile. “So you told him verbally how much you need him and want him to be happy?”

“...something like that.” I said ‘I love you’ back to him. He knows how important those words are to me.

She continues to smile. “That’s very good Daken. I’m very proud of you.”

“Yay me.” I grouse. I don’t know why they had to sit through that….

“Now- as for why your father and Hank are here- we need to go over your treatment plan… which includes talking about the ECT.”

“ECT?”

“Electroconvulsive Therapy.”

“You mean shocks.”

She nods. “It’s an extreme treatment- yes. And with your healing factor- it will only work for about three weeks- if it works at all.”

“You don’t know if it will work?”

She shakes her head. “You respond differently to these things…. And it only works on 50% of patients to begin with.”

“Explain the part about the drugs.” Logan intervenes. “I was trying to tell him about it.”

“Right.” She says, reaching into a bag beside her and pulling out a pamphlet. “If you’ll look-“

“I’m not looking at that.”

“Daken- if you’ll just look- “

“Don’t give that to me.”

“Fine.” Doctor Willis says. “I’ll read it to you.”

“Please don’t.” I could call this begging.

“Let me see…. Okay here. ‘The patient is put under general anesthesia and given muscle relaxants’- “

“For the seizures.”

She looks at me. “Yes. For the seizures.” She looks me over for a few seconds. “General side effects are small memory loss-“

“I know what the side effects are.”

Willis leans over towards me. “Daken- I know this was used to hurt you very badly… but understand that what happened was a gross misuse of an otherwise very safe medical treatment…. The things that happened- “

“What- the seizing? The pain? The memory loss…. I forgot what room it happened in. They lead me back- willingly- because I couldn’t remember! How do I know that won’t happen again?”

“Listen-” She soothes. “I know you’re scared. We’ve talked about this before- I know how upsetting-“

“Upsetting??? It was torture! Why can’t I get any of your people to understand that I am not willingly going to be tortured again!?”

“No pain.” She says softly. “A little memory loss- that doesn’t last for long. A mild discomfort… you’ll be a little stiff when the muscle relaxants wear off…. It’s a day procedure. You go in, they put you under, they perform the treatment, put you in a bed until you come around, and then put you in the car. You’ll be home in four hours at the latest.”

“The science is very sound.” Hank adds. “I’ve pulled up some articles if you’d like to look at them.”

“I don’t need your fucking articles- I lived it!”

“We’re going to take you to the clinic,” Logan says calmly, “And let you see one.”

“No. I’m not going.”

“You’re going Monday.”

“Tomorrow?? You’re taking me tomorrow?”

“Why is tomorrow so upsetting?” Doctor Willis asks with a patient look on her face.

“Johnny’s-“

“Leaving.” She finishes. “Johnny’s leaving and you’re going to be upset.”

I look down at my lap. “Yes. Johnny is leaving and I’m going to be upset.”

“It might take your mind off of it.” Hank offers.

“Trade one fear for another? That’s what you’re asking me to do.”

“We can make this pleasurable.” The doctor says softly. “Mix it in with things you like to do…. Go somewhere, get some lunch, go to the clinic, do something afterward….”

“I can’t relax at all tomorrow.”

“Is there a movie you want to see? A place you want to go?”

“I want to go home.” I press.

“We can’t do that Daken. You have to stay here.”

“I can’t.” I snap.

Doctor Willis looks at me with concern. “I know you think you can’t… but once all of this is done and over with- you’ll feel much better. With Johnny going so far away- you’ll be grateful for the company and the distractions…. I’m told Laura is going too.”

“Yes.”

“Are you worried for her as well?”

I try to look away.

“You are- aren’t you? You’ve come to view her as a sibling…. That adds her to your list of people you feel you have to protect.”

“Please don’t-“

“Talk about the list.” She says gently. “I know. You don’t like other people knowing what it is or exactly who’s on it.” She smiles. “But is it so bad to feel like you want to protect someone you view as a younger sibling? It’s a very normal feeling.”

I make a point not to look at Logan. He’s probably over there envisioning this little family unit working. Playing it out in his head. Making up situations where we’re all together.  
“Your treatment plan,” She says gently, moving us along. “Your pills- the antidepressant... that’s 200 - right?”

I nod.

“The anti-psychotic… let’s go up on that- alright? Instead of 100, let’s do 150. Just for a little while.”

I nod again.

“You’re not talking.” She says gently.

“I don’t have anything to say.”

She nods. “The anxiety medication… that was already 150- wasn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“Then we’re going to add an additional pill that’s just 20 - for when the episodes are at their worst.” She looks at me. “Are you alright with that?”

“That’s fine.” I say stiffly.

“Your sedatives… you have a mild one and more severe one. Mild will calm you down… severe will put you to sleep…. Your father and Dr. McCoy also have a liquid version- of course- for immediate results.” She smiles again. “Let’s not give them a reason to use that… alright?”

I nod.

“Good. Logan will give you your pills- you’re not to touch them on your own. Is that understood?”

“Yes.”

She nods. “Logan I’m leaving a list of what times he takes what and how much…. Go by the list. He likes to try and mess with the meds every time we do a change.”

“Got it.”

She nods again. “Good…. Hank, you’ll give the physicals on a weekly basis- “

“We stopped doing that.” I interject.

“And then you stopped eating again.” She says knowingly. “The physicals will resume so we can track your weight and any side effects of the pills.”

“Understood.” Hank says pleasantly.

“Everyone clear on the plan?” She says happily.

The two men nod.

“Daken?”

I glance down at my feet. “What?”

“Are you clear on the plan?”

“...Yes.”

“Good. You go tomorrow and see Johnny off- alright? And then you and Logan will make your way over to the clinic. Alright?”

“Alright.” My mouth feels dry.

“You’re going to be just fine.” She assures. “You’ll be surrounded by people who are more than capable of keeping you safe.”

She stands to her feet…. “That’s all I wanted to talk to you about.” She directs her attention to my father, “Why don’t you take him to get something to eat. We’ll start the new pills after breakfast.” She reaches over and takes my hand. “I’ll see you next week. Alright? We’ll check and see how all of this has gone.”

I just nod at her.

“Gentlemen.” She addresses the two men in parting. She heads out the door and back to wherever doctors go when they’re not tormenting me.

“I’m quite hungry myself.” Hank says as the door closes. “Allow me to accompany you to the cafeteria…. I’m sure you’re bound to be starving after having missed dinner last night.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“We’ll put a little something in your stomach.” He says with a chuckle. “These pills will stay down easier if you’ve got some food in you.”

Logan stands up and walks over to where I’m sitting. “Come on.” He says in a tone I’m sure he meant to be reassuring. “It’s a Sunday morning.  No one will be around."

I just nod- Once again feeling helpless.

“Johnny’s probably waiting for you.” Logan says when I don’t verbally respond. “He was kind of pissed that I wouldn’t let him sit in on this one.”

I don’t respond to his bribe.

Logan likes to keep Johnny out of important things. I don’t think he realizes that he does- but he does.

“Come on.” He says again.

I allow him to lead me off- still feeling shell-shocked.

Shocked. Ha. That’s funny. A little play on words there.

I know this is a reality now. This is something that is going to happen whether I fight against it or not. I just… have to go down with some dignity- I suppose.

I hope I can. I really do.


	6. Better Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure this has caught on by now- but I forgot to warn at the beginning of the story that this is not going to be an outright happy story. 
> 
> And... what I just wrote made me cry a little... So heads up. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!

“You think he’ll find us?” He whispers.

“You think I care?” I respond.

Johnny smiles, leaning his forehead against mine. “What about the kids?”

“I can make them too scared to come any closer.”

Johnny puts his arm lower on my back, displacing water as he does so.

“Who would have guessed that Logan would be so… anti-PDA?”

“He lives,” I kiss Johnny lightly on the lips, “to make my life miserable."

“That’s not true-” Johnny starts.

“Let it be true for one hour,” I beg.

“Daken- “

“Please, just for one hour… be completely on my side. Okay? One hour.”

Johnny sighs, moving his back to the wall of the pool. “Sure. One hour. I’m completely on your side.”

“Thank you.” I know he's on my side - but it's reassuring to hear him say it.

We’re in the pool house. From what I know about the school there are least three pools. This pool house is away from the main campus, far enough on the grounds so I knew it would be unoccupied, and there’s like three different closed off sections to go through until you actually get into the pool house… which has a lovely five-foot wall in front of the pool itself. We’re as closed off as we could get.

“What’s happening to you isn’t fair.” He says gently, pressing his lips to mine. “It’s not. And I'm sorry.”

I nod.

“And when I get back….” He buries his face in my neck, biting at my shoulder. “I’ll take you home and far away from this place of eternal suffering.”

“You’d better.” I snort. 

He chuckles, taking his hand and holding mine in the air before placing it on his shoulder. “Of course- my love. The second I’m back…. I won’t even take the suit off.”

“I do like your suit….”

He smiles, wrapping his free hand around the back of my head and bringing us closer together. “I’ll think about you the entire time I’m gone.” He promises.

“You think about what you’re fighting,” I advise. “And block.”

“I block fine.” He laughs.

“With your right hand…. Your left side needs work.” I put a lilt to my voice. Letting him know that I'm more teasing than anything. Sometimes I know he has a hard time reading me. It's a good habit to make it a little easier on him every now and then. 

He backs up, sending a wave a cold water against my chest. “I’m right handed. That’s why-“

“I’m right handed too.” I tease. “But I still block.”

“I,” Johnny kisses my shoulder, taking another step forward. “Have ranged power sets.”

“They can still charge you if they’re on fire- Johnny.”

His hand moves from my back to my thigh, lifting me up a little with the help of the water. “Is that so? I never realized that in my extensive hero career. Thanks for telling me.”

“’Extensive’ my ass.” I snort. “I’m older than you. Listen to me- block.”

“Fine.” He exhales comically. “I will block.”

“On your left.” I demand. 

“On my left side- I will block.” He agrees. “Anything else?”

“Your stance could use some work…”

“My stance? Oh no, sir.” He spins us around so that my back is against the wall of the pool. “You don’t get to tell me how to do my job.” He whispers lowly before nipping at my ear.

“I’ll keep you alive.” I counter somewhat breathily.

He presses his body to mine so that there’s no space in-between us. “You’ll keep something alive- that’s for sure.” He teases, looking down.

“Johnny-” I think that was supposed to be a sentence, but it broke off into a moan.

He shakes his head. “I’m not doing it. I’m here, in the open, naked- that’s all you’re getting. Some people would kill for that honor.”

“You’re in a pool house.” I counter, kissing his neck. “That hardly counts as out in the open.

I shift my hips a little, making him groan. “Playing dirty?”

“Very,” I shift again, “Very, dirty.”

“Well then-“

Something shuts in the distance it sounds like…

“Fuck. Someone’s coming.” I whisper.

Johnny’s face goes pale. “Can you tell who?”

"I think it's a kid." 

I hope it's a kid. 

It has to be a kid. Logan was very busy with a 'danger room session'. Whatever the fuck that means. 

It has to be a kid. It has to be a kid. 

"Can you tell for sure?" Johnny asks. 

I shake my head. “Get your clothes.”

“They’re all the way across the pool.” He complains. 

“You can fly.” I hiss. “Go get them.”

“I’m soaked.” He counters.

“Johnny- “

“Argh!” He pulls himself out of the pool and walks in quick strides over to our discarded clothing. “I’m guessing you want yours too?” He grins. “Because both of us don’t have time to get dressed.”

“Are you insane?” I find myself laughing. “Give me my clothes.”

“You said you didn’t care if someone caught you.” He teases.

“Johnny- “

Whoever it is getting closer. The inner door to the pool house opens up.

“Say please.” He teases.

“Johnny!”

“Say ‘pretty please’.” He’s grinning like an idiot.

“You are insane.” I laugh nervously.

The last door opens up. I press myself against the wall of the pool-sinking down as low as humanly possible without going under water.

It has to be a kid. Logan's busy- it has to be a kid. 

“Go intercept whoever that is.” I whisper-shout at him.

Johnny walks off towards the door, still having my clothes in his hands. “Hey there.” He says to the person I can’t see. His voice cracks halfway through. It's not who he was expecting. 

“What are you doing?” A voice that I just know with my luck is Logan’s asks.

“Oh, just going for a swim… we don’t have a pool. It’s nice.” Johnny stammers a little. I know Logan can smell how nervous he is.... And fuck. He'll smell me all over him. There's barely a point in hiding. 

“Is he with you? I can’t find him.”

“Yea –yea. He’s with me. He’s just…. Just relaxing.” He fumbles for his words… I think this is going to go swimmingly. “I think we’ll have to look into getting one these babies.”

“Oh my god shut up.” I whisper.

“What’s behind your back?” Logan asks in a growl. 

“Oh, this? It’s ah… his extra clothes.” He laughs nervously. “You know Daken- he has like three outfits for every occasion.”

I’ll kill him. I’ll kill him. I’ll kill him.

“Any chance I can talk to him?” Logan says.

“Ah... no. No, I don’t think that would be a good idea.”

“And why’s that?”

“He… uh… doesn’t really want to be seen. It’s a head thing- you know. Sometimes he just wants to be alone.”

“Oh, he wants to be alone now.” Logan is almost amused from the sounds of it.

“Well... alone with me.” Johnny says quickly. “But you know in his book I hardly count as company.

I can hear Johnny’s heart racing from here.

“Right, right. Guess it’s best to give him his space.” In a very clear voice that I know was meant for me, Logan says,” Just remind him- that this is a school…” And he makes a small noise of almost amusement again. “And to keep his damn pants on.”

“I…”

“You fool around in that pool- you clean it.” He says to Johnny.

I’m mortified.

“I… I wasn’t fooling around.”

“Really?”

“No.” Johnny says quickly. “Daken- Daken said we should go fro a swim… and I didn’t have any trunks so…”

“Stop talking.” I hiss.

“I know what I smell- Johnny. And you were obviously up to something.”

“Nothing like that!” Johnny says quickly. “Of course not... at your school. That would be... disrespectful. I would never- “

“Stop while you’re ahead- flame brain.” Logan snorts. “It’s really simple… I don’t want to see you fucking my son at my school. Not in his room, not in your room, and sure as hell not in the pool. Keep it in your pants.”

“Sure.” Johnny’s voice cracks. “Of course. I’m sorry- we just- “

“I know what you were just doing.” Logan sighs. “It’s time for dinner. Get dressed… and give him back his damn clothes.”

“Right.” Johnny says quickly. “Of course.”

They’re quiet for a second. “Well?” Logan orders.

“Uh-“

“GO!” He demands.

Johnny walks very quickly back over to the pool. “Your clothes.”

“My hero.” I snort.

The door opens back up and shuts.

“Oh my god I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life.” Johnny whispers.

“At least you had clothes on.” I grouse. “What were you thinking?”

“Honestly?” Johnny grins sheepishly. “I didn’t think our luck was bad enough for it to actually be Logan. I thought maybe one of the x-men or at worst case a student that I could send away…. When I saw him I kinda…”

“Panicked and babbled like an idiot?”

“Panicked and babbled like an idiot.” He agrees.

“You smell good when you’re horny and scared.” I tease.

“Is that what he was smelling?” He asks curiously.

I smile and nod.

“Oh god….” He runs a finger through is hair… “Is it a good smell at least?”

“Like heat.”

“Heat?”

“Your body get’s hotter than usual when you’re turned on…. Even more so when you’re scared. You smell like living heat.”

“Oh…” Johnny looks kind of impressed. “And that smells good?”

“Best scent I’ve ever smelled.”

“Logan didn’t seem to like it.” He walks over to the pool and extends his hand to me, helping me out.

“That’s because you also smell like me.” I tease. “He smelled the two of us together.”

“And what do you smell like?” He asks with a bit of husk in his voice.

“Me? I smell incredible.”

He’s quiet while I rummage through my clothing.

“Is it fun?” He asks while I’m pulling on my jeans.

“Is what fun?” I look around for a towel.

He glances over at me, eyeing me up in down. “Super senses.”

“Ah.” I find the towel and dry off as best I can.

“Well?”

“Noises are impossibly loud…” I say distractedly, trying to pull on my jeans.

“How so?”

“You know headphones?”

“Yea.” Johnny walks over behind me. “What about them?”

“Impossible. It’s almost painful.”

“But you can hear people noises too- right?”

I finally direct my attention to him. “Yes.”

“Like…”

“Like when you’re happy your heart beat speeds up… or when you’re excited your adrenaline spikes…. your voice changes regarding what mood you’re in… I can usually tell what can of day you’ve had by judging the tone of the first thing you say to me….”

“Amazing.” He says from behind me. 

“You think so?”

He nods, taking the towel from me and sponging off my back. “And Logan hears that too?”

“I’m sure it works the same- yes.”

“Do you two hear each other… when you’re fighting?”

I nod. “Yes. He gives away most of his charges by not controlling his heart rate.”

“And you control yours?”

He puts a hand on over my chest, right on my heart, barely brushing the tattoo. “Yes.” I look back at him. “Except when I’m around you…”

Johnny smiles. “Amazing.”

“Yea…” He’s close to my face. “It’s...”

“Amazing.” He finishes, pressing his lips to mine.

I put my arms around his neck and allow him to put his hands around my waist. It’s long and deep… reminding me of when I woke up from my first catatonic spell all that time ago. I could stay in it forever.

I think I’m going to…

“Someone’s watching us.” He says when he pulls away.

“Huh?”

He nods his head in the direction of the window. “A kid.”

“Fuck those little brats…”

“Easy.” He smiles. “Put your shirt on. Let’s go eat dinner.”

“Which kid is it?” I ask, though it really doesn't matter. 

He smiles a little. “You know which one.”

“The…” I sigh. “The apocalypse boy?”

He nods.

“He’s scared of me… he has every right to be scared of me.”

He does. What I did... How do I even explain it? Victor using me doesn't fix my actions. I still did them. 

“He does.” Johnny says gently. “But you’ve changed…. You should apologize.”

“I doubt Logan will let me near him- or anyone else.”

“I think Evan- his name is Evan- would like to hear from you.”

I know his name. How could I forget? 

“Really now?”

Johnny nods. “He talked to me the other day… he was one of the kids in the cafeteria.”

“Shit.” I hiss.

Johnny nods. “He asked if you were sick… before.”

“I was confused.” I confess. “I didn’t know-“

“I told him that. I told him that sometimes good people get messed up-“

“I’m not a good person.” I sigh.

“You’re becoming a good person…. You’ll be a better person after you apologize.”

“He doesn’t deserve my excuses.”

“In his eyes- you died, Daken. You paid the ultimate price for what you did…. And honestly to a kid- that’s pretty extreme.”

“How do I even begin…?”

“Don’t make excuses for your behavior,” Johnny says carefully. “Apologize. I know you’re sorry for what you did…. Let him know you’re sorry.”

“Why would he even come out here?”

“He’s been following you all day…. I think he’s been working up the nerve to try and talk to you.”

“Johnny- “

“You’re sorry. Sorry people apologize. What you did was wrong- you know you were in the wrong. Apologize.”

“How do I even flag him over?”

“I’ll help ease you into it.” Johnny helps me pull on my shirt, takes my hand and leads me over to the first set of doors.

The white skinned boy is a little alarmed. It’s hard to think that of what he could turn into… what….

“Evan.” Johnny says softly. “Daken has something to say to you.”

The boy looks me over. “Yes?”

“Hi.” I want to back out. I want to back out now. I’ve never felt this awful in my life.

And that really is saying something. 

I used not to care. 

I wouldn't give this boy a second thought.   
That was before. 

That was when my conditioning was still intact and I viewed everyone as a pawn. 

Now, in the after, they're less like pawns and more like ... infants. Things that can't take care of themselves and that I'm constantly having to correct myself for. 

Like 'no. You can't yell at the old woman who's taking five hours on the self check out.' 'No, you cannot manipulate the bartender into a free shot.. more than twice' (I'm trying to work on that one)

“Hi.” He says quietly, his heart beat sky rockets.

“Look- I’m so- “

“Did they beat you?” He interrupts.

“What?”

Evan looks at me carefully. “The people who captured you… did they beat you?” His heartbeat is off the charts. 

His voice wavers. 

He shifts his weight from one foot to the next

“Daken…” Johnny motions with his hands.

“Yes.” My arms end up crossed, in front of me. Hiding my hands- which might make him nervous.

“And they hurt you?” he presses.

“yes.” I feel like I’m going to be sick.

“Like you hurt me?”

Worse. I can’t say that, though... I can’t…

“And someone did that before…. When you were a kid…. You didn’t have a problem with it because someone had done it to you?”

“That’s not an excuse- I’m- “

“Did someone do it to you as a kid?” he repeats, getting a little spunk. “Were you beaten?”

“Yes. Someone hurt me as a child.”

Evan looks me in the eyes. “And you’re insane now?”

“I…”

“Are you?”

“...yes.” I feel so sick. “Yes, I am.”

His heart beat is like a rabbit. 

He's working himself up.   
  
I bet he's been rehearsing what he wants to say. 

I bet he's had his little friends help him come up with the correct way to word this. 

After all, Evan is a child. 

A child- child. 

Barely a teenager. 

And.. I'm an adult. It must take a lot of nerve for him to face me. 

“Professor Logan is a good man… he loves you. He wouldn’t let you come here if you hadn’t changed.”

“I’m sorry.” I say finally, wanting to retreat. “I’m sorry for what I did to you. I’m sorry for what the people I was with did to you. If I could take it back- I would.”

Evan is quiet for a moment, dropping his gaze to his shoes. “Did the person who hurt you ever apologize?”

“NO.” I answer quietly.

“Did the person who raped you apologize?”

I’m going to vomit.

“Excuse me? How do you even know about that?”

“Because what you did to my mind- I felt like I was raped… but it wasn’t you- not you alone. Did the person who raped you apologize?”

“I…. Evan- “

“DID they apologize?” He demands firmly.

Little rabbit boy has hit an extremely sore spot. 

His face is so determined. 

“…no.”I answer weakly. 

“But it happened more than once?”

“Evan- please.” Johnny says gently. “He’s sorry.”

“Did it happen more than once?”

“yes.” I feel like I’m going to scream... or cry... or vomit... or a mixture of the three.

“And you suffered… like I suffered? You suffered every single time?”

“Yes.”

“And they tortured you? And you truly suffered?”

“Evan-“

“Did you suffer?” He demands again.

“I wanted to die.” I confess quietly. “I wanted to die more than anything I’d ever wanted in my life.”

“…. I wanted to die.” The boy echoes.

“I’m sorry.” I need to retreat.

“Did they ever look you in the face and apologize?”

I shake my head.

“And they died?”

“Yes.”

“And you’ll never get to make them face what they’ve done?”

“I won’t.”

“Did they have a chance to?”

“I don’t know.”

Everything is spinning. “Do you think they would have... if they were given a second chance?”

“No. I don’t.”

“And if you do that procedure… the one you were talking to Professor Logan about... it’ll be like reliving it? You’ll be scared and hurt and want to die again?”

“Evan- I think that’s enough.” Johnny says carefully. “He’s sorry.”

“Please answer me.” He begs. 

He sounds like he's losing steam. 

From what I've previously observed, this is very out of character for him. I'm placing my money on outside forces. 

“Daken- don’t.” Johnny says gently. “You’ve done your part.”

“Answer me- please Daken. Please answer me.” He sounds tearful.

“Yes.” It's barely audible. 

“And it will keep you up at night- in agony remembering all those horrible things that happened to you.”

This time, I just nod.

“This has gone far enough-” Johnny says sternly. “He came here to apologize to you. This is cruel.”

We sit in silence.

“Go through with the procedure…. And we’re even.” He says softly.

“Daken- honey, come on. We’re done here.”

I shake my head.

“We’ll be even... you won’t feel like I raped you anymore?”

He nods. “I won’t.”

“You swear that.”

“I swear it.”

“He doesn’t need to do anything for you Evan- that’s not how apologies work.”

“I forgive him.” Evan says after some thought. “I can see that he’s different. If he does the procedure, then we’ll be even.” He turns to me. “Thank you for apologizing…. I’m sorry you’re so sick.”

What do I say to that? I just got my ass handed to me by a high-schooler.

“… I’ll tell my friends that you’re okay…”

I just nod.

Why would he do this? 

How did he do this? 

How has our power dynamic shifted so much in so little time? 

He offers a small smile. “I’ll see you later.” He turns back to me. "I'm... sorry." he says quickly. "For talking to you like that. It was... I just want- I..." He stops. "I'm sorry." He repeats quickly, turning heel and heading for the doors. 

I know I’m going to be sick… I just have to wait… he’s through the first door… and now the second… and

“Daken- “

I lean around Johnny and vomit messily to the floor.

“Easy.” He strokes my back. “You did a good thing, Daken. You gave him closure… he…” Johnny stops. “I’m sorry honey. I’m sorry it went like that... you don’t owe him anything other than what you’ve done.”

“He said I’d raped him.”

“He said it ‘felt’ like you had raped him.”

"There isn't a difference." I say hoarsely. "I knew what that felt like- to have someone bigger, older, and stronger than you hurt you. I knew what it was like to be manipulated. I knew what it was like to feel hopeless and hurt... and I did it anyway." 

"Daken-"   
  
"I hurt a child. A defenseless child." 

Johnny nods. "Honey...  I know. I know you did. And it was wrong. And it was horrible. And you know that. And you feel bad about it. And if you hadn't changed from then, do you think Logan would allow you in the school with all of these children? Let alone around Evan himself?" He rubs my shoulder. "You don't owe Evan this. If you revisit the topic, I'm sure he'll change his mind. He seemed.... a little upset about it in the end." 

I have to do it. Johnny doesn’t understand. “I have to. I don’t have a choice.”

Johnny goes to say something but doesn’t. He just holds me from behind. “IF you do this…” He starts.

“I know.”

“And you want to?”

“No.” I feel a tear run down my face. “No, I don’t.”

“But you’re going to….?”

I nod. “I don’t have a choice.”

Johnny’s quiet for a second. “You’re not telling Logan about this… are you?”

“Please don’t.” I turn to him. "Don't. It will make it worse. I don't want anyone else involved." 

Johnny bends down near my ear. “Our hour isn’t up... I’m still completely on your side.” He says gently, kissing the side of my head. “Just think about what you’re doing… what the consequences are… okay?”

I nod.

“Okay.” He kisses me again. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”


	7. Ground

The hanger is large and spacious… and this is just the Fantastic Four’s craft….

Most of the team is inside the large, white, jet- waiting.

Johnny’s saying his goodbyes with Peter- who will be joining them on their craft... because let’s face it… Spiderman is not a rich man. In fact- out of all the superheroes I know- He’s got to be the poorest.

I’m starting to wonder why no Avengers took the call… but Reed’s exploits with Tony Stark always end badly. I thought it better not to ask and to keep the two of them apart at all costs.

The x-men have their own hangers with their own jets- so naturally none of them are here.

Space jets- how ridiculous that sounds. Jets don’t go to space… you need rockets. Yet here we are… with a craft, that’s supposed to safely carry the only other person in this world that I would die for… into space. And it’s a flimsy jet.

“…. Sour look on your face.” I zone back into Johnny’s conversation.

“I’m sorry?” I look over his shoulder and Peter. Parker’s got some red head with him… curvy, attractive… she’s kind of all over him. I mean- I’m with Johnny… and we’re semi- embraced... but she’s a step away from fucking him right here and now.

Johnny was making polite small talk with her... but I can tell that he didn’t much care for her.

“Whatcha thinking about?” He says from in front of me, hand toying with the collar of his uniform.

“How your ass gets to go to space.” I drawl. “And I get to be stuck with Logan.” I slap his hand away and fix the collar myself. “I liked your old uniform better.” I grouse.

Across from us red-head giggles as Peter apparently is the funniest man on the planet.

Johnny follows my gaze. “You two should get lunch.”

“Please don’t make me sick.” I tease.

“I’m serious… you could use someone who kind of knows what you’re going through. MJ has no powers- she just has to watch all the missions from the sidelines.”

I have a little more respect for her.

“Just promise me you’ll come home.” I direct my attention back to him, satisfied now that the collar is going to stay down.

Johnny chuckles, wrapping his arms around me. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

“You’d better.” I threaten, kissing him softly. “You made me a promise.”

“And I keep my promises.” He says with a smile.

Peter meanders his way over behind Johnny. “Get a room!” He calls, making his hands into a cone shape like a megaphone.

“Peter!” Redhead giggles.

“We’re taking off in five,” Reed says, walking into the room without looking up from his tablet. “Mobilizing at the space station in a day and a half.” He stops. “Daken. Ms. Watson. Good to see you both.”

“Reed.”

He looks over at me and Johnny. “Might want to wrap it up- boys. We have an intergalactic flight to make after all.”

Johnny raises an eyebrow. “You said we had five minutes.”

“I said we were taking off in five minutes.” He raises a finger and starts to walk onto the ship. “That means in those five minutes the two of you need to be seated on the craft and ready to go.” He calls to the men behind him.

“Mj.” Peter takes his mask from her- which I just now realized she was holding. “Do me the honor?”

She smiles and pulls it over his head. “Be careful, Tiger.”

“Always.” He walks into the jet. Her heart beat speeds up. I think it’s the first sign of nerves she’s shown this morning.

“Right.” Johnny sighs as he turns to me. “That’s my cue.”

“Be smart,” I order. “Block- you know... that thing that doesn’t get you stabbed.”

“Be good.” He counters. “No stabbing.”

“Deal.” I smile.

“Back in three weeks?”

“No longer… or I’m going to come after you.”

Johnny kisses me deeply.

When we pull apart he says quietly, “Three weeks. I promise.”

We break apart, him doing a dorky little half-wave as he boards the landing strip.

“No stabbing!” He calls back to me.

“Block!” I counter.

He smiles and walks into the jet. I pretend that my heart isn’t sinking as it closes.

“Alright, kids,” Logan calls from the door. “Outta the launch bay.”

Mj moves quickly from the hanger.... I stay behind for a few seconds.

“Come on, son.” Logan calls. “He’ll be fine.”

I give the craft the once over one more time, before walking the hanger door. It whooshes closed behind me… and I try to say that it doesn’t sound as final as it does.

“He’s gonna be fine,” Logan assures. “Kid’s a good fighter… a professional. He knows what he’s doing.”

I notice that our female companion is long gone by now. I took longer in the hanger than I thought I suppose.

“Right.”

‘he’s never coming back.’ Shifter- the one I’ve been dreading- whispers. ‘he’s going to stay away.’

‘he’s gone... and you’re going to be tortured….’ Master adds. ‘how is this working out for you boy?’

Logan looks me over. “Look… this took a little longer than I expected… we’re running a little late. We’ll have to get something to eat afterward- okay?”

“Sure.” I sound numb.

‘you should be numb.’ Shifter hisses. ‘you’ll be a widow soon.’

I’m not going to be a ‘widow’. That’s ridiculous.

“You’re going to be fine,” Logan says gently. “The medical facility is right down the road.”

Logan doesn’t know about my pre-made up mind… he expects this to go sourly for him.

But I promised Johnny I’d try my best not to antagonize Logan…So here we are.

I follow him down to the lobby of the Baxter Building- a building I once spent so much time in…

‘strapped to a bed…. i wonder if they’ll put you back there after your little ‘treatments’.’

He calls the elevator and stands quietly.

It’s not exactly awkward waiting for the elevator but it’s not exactly not awkward either.

“You okay?” He asks as the doors open up.

‘are you? are you okay with this turn in your life?’ master hisses. ‘when you could have been over and done with all of this.’

“Honestly?”

He nods.

“No.”

Logan smiles. “He’s one of the good ones- kid. He’ll be fine….”

If he blocks... and dodges... and keeps his damn head in the game.

“It’s not just that.” I confess.

“Voices?” He asks knowingly.

“They were pretty quiet yesterday,” I answer. “They’re making up for it.”

“Just breathe- son. Think over them.”

We take the elevator down to the garage, walking another three minutes to the black ‘understated’ SUV the x-men have.

While it may not be government grade... it definitely screams something out of the ordinary.

We get in the car in silence, we travel in silence, and we pull up into a parking lot of a medical facility twenty minutes later- in silence.

Logan turns off the car and looks out the windshield- seeming to avoid my eyes. “You and Evan have a problem last night?”

I just stare at him.

“He’s the apocoly-“

“I know who Evan is.” I interrupt.

“Kids a good kid.” Logan says softly. “He’s upset by something…. I gotta ask if you did it. I’m sorry- but I have to. Past being considered and all.”

“No… I didn’t do it.”

“You should probably stay away from him.” Logan says, still looking out that windshield. “I asked him about you staying with me- and he was cool with it…. but he may just be saying that to be nice.”

“To be nice?” He wasn’t very nice last night.

Logan finally looks at me. “He’s a good kid- a sweet kid. I can tell that something is really bothering him…. Usually, he talks to one of the staff about these things… but he’s not. I’m sure he has his reasons- maybe getting older or some shit- but if you have some part in it; I need you to drop it now. I love you, but I am responsible for him and all these other kids. Their safety is a priority.”

“I’m not going to hurt your students.”

Logan looks me over. “You’re not angry…. Did something happen?”

“…no.”

“He’s- “

“A good kid.” I repeat for him. “I already hurt him… I wouldn’t do it again.”

Logan nods his head. “Doctor Willis is going to meet us here.” He says, opening the car door and stepping out. “She said to wait in the Lobby.”

I keep my deal with Evan in mind as the anxiety mounts.

He’s upset? He has the nerve to be upset?

‘you beat him… and killed his ‘family’.’ One of the females whispers. ‘you beat a child… and killed his family.’

I know. I know I did.

‘you threw the body in the cell with him.’

That wasn’t me…. That was that British freak.

‘but you congratulated him on the idea.’

Evan…. So the kid is upset by our conversation…. really upset.

Maybe he’s getting cold feet… maybe he compiled all that hatred for me and just semi-exploded. Maybe….

No. Evan has a right to be angry.

If I were him, I would be angry too.

For him… to feel less like a victim... I can do this…

‘you raped that boy… like i raped you. like he raped you. you’re no better than us….’

Stop it. Please- I have to do this. Just stop.

All he wants is to see me… suffer. It sounds weird when you put it that way… but it’s what he deserves I suppose. To make us even.

It’s a childish want to see the bad guys pay the price for what they’ve done. To see retribution.  
I was his age once… I had a similar want.

Once we’re even- nothing else matters. I just can’t have him feeling like I... did that to him.

“You coming Daken?”

I nod, sliding out of the car door and heading into a small brick building.

The lobby is a wide open space decorated with a light shade of green. Green tree’s painted here and there, green chairs, green counter tops- All of this is focused around two metal doors.

Doctor Willis is dressed in jeans today. She’s waiting just inside the lobby- by the automatic doors.

“Gentlemen.” She greets with a smile. She’s standing next to a blonde woman in a wheelchair. “This is Miranda. She’s going to let us observe her procedure today.”

“Ma’am” Logan greets.

I start to sweat a little.

“You’re,” she points at me, “Going to be the one who goes through with it?”

I nod.

“I can tell. You look nervous.”

“Do you have anything that could calm some of those nerves- Miranda?” Willis asks. “Any advice?”

She smiles. “It’s a lot easier than you think it’s going to be- trust me. I was very… frightened when my doctor brought it up. Just... don’t eat before hand. They don’t tell you that- but it’s possible to throw up… it’s happened like twice to me.” She smiles. “Other than that- just lay back and it’ll be over before you know it.”

She has no idea how this could go badly.

“What are they treating you for?”

“Daken has a very special illness.” Willis intercepts. “It’s... not really got a name yet.”

The woman looks at me with a new look of curiosity in her slightly more attractive the usual face. A man walks into the room and nods to Willis. “I hope it helps.” Miranda says cheerfully as the Doctor takes the handles of the chair and starts to push her to the large pair of metal doors the man came out of.

“You okay?”

“Fine.” I lie. “Fine.”

“You said that.” Logan says gently. “Do you need to stay out here for a few extra minutes?”

“No, no.” I say quickly. “I don’t want to hold everything up.”

The bald man holds the doors open for us. Willis and Miranda have already gone through. He’s got tiny glasses on his face… kind of a pudgy guy. He has a small beard that’s peppered with gray…. And oddly enough, looks like a young Santa Claus.

That’s the only thing I can think to compare him to... and the comparison helps with some of the anxiety.

“There’s an observation room right this way.” The man says cheerfully. “We get a lot of watchers.” He smiles. “You’re not the first.”

“Good to know.” I say stiffly.

He smiles again. “Still nervous? The procedure’s outcome way outweighs the actual procedure. It’s going to be one of the best decisions you’ve ever made for yourself.”

“Right.” Right along with not amputating my own arm and that one night stand I attempted to have with the Juggernaut.

We stop outside a large window. Inside the window is a normal looking room- sort of like a dentist set up.

“The chairs padded.” The man says gently. “Very padded. Though it’s not exactly necessary.” He points to where they’re injecting Miranda. “That’s the muscle relaxant… she’ll feel nice and relaxed.”

“Right….”

“There she goes- see her going lax?”

Inside the woman looks like she’s about to melt into the chair. “what are they doing?”

They’re strapping some kind of thing to her neck.

“Holds the bit in place.” The man says. “They don’t put the bit in until the patient is unconscious… the feeling of it in the mouth is a little scary.”

“Does anyone ever wake up?”

The man shakes his head. “No. We’ve never had anyone do that.”

Will I wake up? With that muscle relaxant, I won’t be able to move.

“They’re putting her under now.” He points to where Doctor Willis is putting a mask on Miranda’s face. “Are you familiar with that procedure?” he looks at me for a second. “A few deep breaths and you count down from a hundred. It’s simple… you’ll be out probably by eighty.”

“You okay?” Logan asks quietly.

I nod.

“Okay, now they’re going to place the electrodes….” He points again. “Right there- see? Just there and there.”

Same place as before.

“See how Miranda is nice and relaxed? Fast asleep… she won’t feel a thing.”

There’s a series of switches and clicks from inside the room.

“The machines make a little noise booting up.” He explains. “Nothing out of the ordinary.”

We stand there and watch as Willis walks over to a small machine that the electrodes are running from. “Now Doctor Willis is going to administer the electronic pulses.”

Miranda’s body jerks for a few seconds.

And then stops.

“Now the second wave.” He says cheerfully.

More jerking.

“No screaming.” The man says happily. “You hear that? No pain is involved.”

Miranda continues to jerk a little on the chair.

“How are you feeling?” He finally asks. “Do you think this is doable?”

Logan glances at me without really taking his eyes off of the scene in front of him.

“Yes.” I exhale. “Yes, I think this is doable.”

The man smiles. “Very good…. When do you want to set up the appointment- Next week? We can do-“

“When’s your soonest opening?”

“I’d have to check with reception.” He says still cheerful. “Walk with me this way.”

‘oh someone found his balls.’

‘useless. he’ll be screaming in a matter of seconds.’

I follow the man back out through the doors and to the reception desk. The receptionist is an older woman, gray hair pulled up into a high bun and face slightly wrinkled.

“How can I help you, gentlemen?” She asks pleasantly.

“I would like to know when the next opening we have for ECT is.”

“Let me check.” She smiles and types something into the computer in front of her.

“Okay… “She says with a hum. “We actually just had a patient cancel this morning… so Tomorrow at three.”

I’d be lying if I didn’t say my heart skipped a beat.

“Tomorrow?”

The woman nods.

“I want to do it then.” I say quickly.

“Get it out of the way.” The man says. “I can see the benefits of that… especially if you’re scared.”

Logan finally joins us, looking at me carefully. “Tomorrow?”

“At three.”

“I have a class at two forty-five… I’ll have to get someone to cover.” That was said more to himself. “Are you sure you want to do it that soon?”

“Yes.” I have to. Get it out of the way. Think about all that’s happened. Think about all that you have to do… “Yes. I want to get it over with.”

“Okay.” The receptionist smiles. “So… for the procedure- there’s nothing that you have to do to prepare really. Just get some good sleep.” She looks between our collected group. “Try not to worry about it. It’ll be done before you even realize what’s going on.”

Right. Right.

Johnny’s gone... I’m doing this…

This is doable.

This is easy. I’ve just got to lay there. I won’t even be conscious… easy.

“Let’s get something to eat.” Logan offers a solution to the awkwardness.

“I’d like to go home.” I say instead. “I’m tired.”

“Sure.” He says quietly. "Whatever you need."  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------

I’ve spent the rest of my day dodging my father and his assorted staff in between bouts of mass migration of children.

It’s been hard.

I finally holed up in the library... the thought being that even if they found me- they’d know not to disturb… for courtesies sake.

It’s about ten now. All the kids are in their rooms... the staff too.

Judging by the sound of the jet- I’d say that some of them took off for some mission or another around four… they’ve yet to come back. I wonder if they went to Johnny’s mission too… Logan didn’t say if any of ‘his’ x-men were going… and Johnny just said Laura’s team were.

The Library is large, the walls are white and clean, the floors are wooden. Real wooden. Not that fake shit.

All of the shelves are filled with literature from all over. Different languages, different regions- and that’s just earth. I found a section of books from out of our world. Different galaxies. All the tomes smell like pressed paper… some of the intergalactic books are coated in dust.

I’m reading a Kree scroll right now… one on their war strategies. It has a list of acceptable, ‘honorable’ things to do to your prisoners- granted that you don’t just kill them on the spot….

“Probably shouldn’t be reading that….” I jump at my father’s voice. “It’s a bit outdated.”

He’s standing in between two of the large bookshelves. I holed up in the back of the room- in a something that looks like a study space. In the front, there are computers and tables- but in the back behind the shelves, there are tables on one side and plush armchairs on the other. I took the table. There was some discarded paper, so I thought it’d be helpful to take a few notes while I was at it.

I hold the book up to him. “Do you have many alien students?”

“More than you’d think.” He says with a small smile. “No Kree though.”

“Then why have the book?” I put said book back on the table and flip to the next page.

“For training on otherworldly battle fronts.” He informs. “If these kids stay on as x-men- they’ll end up in space eventually. It’s best to inform them of what’s out there.”

“Like…” I turn another page, “The fact that it’s ‘honorable’ for a Kree to smash their prisoners head in with a-“

“Hammer? Nah. That’s just Ronan.”

“Ronan?”

“Yea… he’s been disgraced.... and reinstated… and discharged... and- it’s a mess.” Logan motions to the book with his hand. “He uses the hammer. It’s a lot like Thor’s.”

“Ah.” I almost hate to ask but… “Is he involved with Johnny's mission? “

“Not that I know of.” Logan crosses his arm and leans against a bookshelf. “Not really his deal…”

“Ah.”

“Most recent intel puts him as far away from Johnny’s mission as possible.”

“How long would it take him to get there?”

“Honestly?”

I nod.

“Honestly he’s had some run-ins with the Four before…. Particularly a hot-headed blonde. If he were to hear of Johnny’s involvement… he might be interested enough to try to make an appearance.”

“Uh-“

“He’s too far away, though…. There are some maps in the war room computer.” He glances around the library. “I could show you if it helps.”

We’re quiet for a second. “How many times have you been?”

“To space?” Logan chuckles “More times than I can count.”

“All with the x-men?”

He nods. “We messed around with the Shi’ar a lot. Chuck had ‘relations’ with their queen… and we helped win her throne back from her sister.”

“Ah- “

“We have a staff member who’s from their planet…. And a student.”

“Oh.”

“Yup. He’s a son of a royalty...making his dad and him royal pains in the ass. They’re both sorta fucked up- if you ask me.”

I look back at my book. “Do they deal with the Kree?”

Logan nods. “Eventually- everyone deals with the Kree.”

“Everyone?”

He nods again. “Everyone. Earth, Shi’ar, Skrulls, Brood- everyone.”

I look down at my notes, wondering if he would judge me for jotting some of this down. “So Earth has dealt with them before.”

“Like I said- the Four have.”

I decide against note taking for the moment. “And they’ve done pretty well judging by the fact that they’re all still alive’”

He looks me over for a second. “Most of the time- the people survive.” He assures. “The Kree talk a big game but not all of their people are warriors…. Not like the Shi'ar or the Brood.”

“Brood…” I think back to some of today's readings. “The insect-like aliens- right? Giant flesh-eating bugs.”

“Yup. We have one of those too.” He says with a smile. “Probably the closest thing his people have to mutant.”

I just stare at him for a second. “You have a giant carnivorous insect as a student?”

“Nah. Broo’s a baby. Smart little guy. Not really ‘carnivorous’… not yet anyway.”

“Is he going to be an x-man?” I’m more shocked than anything.

Logan smiles. “Maybe.”

So an alien can join… what about kids who jus aren’t good at it? Surely my father hasn’t pumped out fighter after fighter… there are bound to be some duds. “And what happens to the kids who don’t make the cut?”

He leans more heavily on the bookshelf. “They go back into the world knowing how to control their powers-“

“That won’t work.” I interrupt. “They’ll never have a ‘normal’ life.”

“I know that. And you know that.” He says quietly. “But that’s a choice and lesson they have to make for themselves.”

“I can’t believe people trust you with their children.” There’s no bite behind this and I say it lowly.

“Regardless of what you think… I’m good with kids.”

“Just not your own.”

He shakes his head. “Daken, I would have been there for you. I would have- “

“It’s not important.” I stand up from the table I’m at. “I want to keep this book.”

Logan nods, “Sure. Keep the book.”

“Is that all you wanted from me? A chat?”

“No.” He straightens himself up. “It’s ten. Time for your meds.”

“You can leave them in my room.” I look down at my feet. “You don’t have to come give them to me.”

“I want to see you take them.”

“Are you going to check under my tongue too?”

Logan shakes his head and chuckles. “You are something else. Going from zero to argumentative in less than a minute.”

“Well- “

“Your mama used to do that.”

I stop, what I was going to say dead on my tongue.

Logan looks at me still smiling. “What- that surprises you?”

“I-“

“Itsu loved to argue. In her own way.”

The book in my hand feels heavy.

“She was sharp.” He recalls. “Had a wicked tongue –that’s what her daddy told me when I asked for her hand. He said that no man he knew could tame her.”

“Tame her?” I question his phrasing.

“It was a while back… you know what Japan was like when you were growing up.”

I’m silent for a second. “I do.”

“Yea… wasn’t exactly an ‘equal rights’ place for women.” He smiles again. “She worked it out well for her, though…. When I told her I wanted to marry her- she said her father would never allow it… and then told me to give her a week before I asked him.”

“She talked him into it.” I surmise.

“Tongue lashed him into submission.” Logan corrects.

We’re quiet for a second. “What happened to him?” I gather up the notebook paper in front of me. I have every intention of leaving. He’s not going to trap me here.

“Hmm? Oh.” He looks to be in thought. “They thought I killed her… and they wanted the body… When they saw that you’d been removed from her… they wanted answers.”

“Answers?”

…. That is intriguing. I’ll admit. I’m curious now.

“I’m told,” he says more gently than before, “That he dug too far. Romulus had him and his entire family killed. He didn’t want to risk the chance of them actually finding you... god forbid saving you from the hands of strangers.”

“He would have taken me?” I’m a little shocked.

Logan nods. “He loved your momma. He loved her more than anything. He would have loved you just for being a part of her.”

I have so many questions…. I don’t know what’s okay to ask him. “Was she an only child?”

Logan thinks again. “No. I’m pretty sure she had a brother.”

“Did he have children?”

“You’re asking if you had cousins?” He asks with some humor in his voice.

I shrug it off. “It’s just something Johnny was talking about the other day.” I mumble.

“Ah.” There’s a moment of understanding that passes between us. “Yea... he had some kids.”

“...I’m guessing they died.”

He nods. “You know how thorough Romulus was.”

“…. I do.”

“Took him centuries to weed through my family…. Controlling their lives and ultimately ending them.”

“…”

He looks at me. “Yea. I had a family too. My mother... she had some issues. Like you.”

Like... me? 

“Why are you telling me this?” I ask finally.

"About my mother or everything in general?" 

I want to know... 

"What kind of issues?" I say instead of answering him.

"Hmm... seems like something we should discuss later." He says.  

"I want to know now." I demand. "Don't start a conversation and then just end it." The fact that it's rude goes without saying. Logan doesn't necessarily have much tact with these things. He's often rude. I honestly think it's in his upbringing. Or the fact that he can be just generally unpleasant.  

"You really want to know?" He asks. 

I weigh it over in my mind. "For the sake of argument. I want to know if this a.. genetic predisposition." 

"Genetic predisposition." He repeats. "Well.. she was institutionalized after my brother died." He recalls. "If that helps." 

"You had a brother?" I always saw him as an only child. 

"I had two brothers." He corrects. 

"Both dead, I'm assuming." 

He nods. "Yea. They're dead." 

"And your mother?" I feel like this conversation is taking turns I don't necessarily think it needs to take... but I feel too intrigued to stop them. 

"There was an accident." He drawls, looking out of the window to the side of the room. "The night I got my claws." 

Ah. 

That sounds familiar. 

"I killed her lover... my biological father. He killed the man I thought was my father. She threw me out. I think...it was because of my other brother- the dead one. She had scars on her back. Three of 'em. Looked like a set of claws." He turns back to me. "When I was gone she shot herself." 

Crazy runs in the family. 

Good to know. 

"So it is a genetic predisposition." I state. 

"I guess. Most of the Hudson gene pool was being controlled and weeded through by Romulus himself. My cousin a few times over was involved with Weapon X. No telling what he knew." he pauses. "They were all a bit nuts." 

A 'bit nuts'. 

I'm... like my family. 

"And my mother?" I have to know. I have to... 

"What about her?" His voice is soft. 

"Was she..... like me?" 

Logan is perfectly still for a moment before shaking his head. "No." 

So it's his fault.   
It's.. her fault. 

My mother is still innocent. She's still... 

"What would she-" I stop abruptly, killing the sentence in its tracks. 

"What would she what?" He asks in that gentle voice. 

"Never mind." I respond quickly. 

"No- come on. What were you going to say?" 

"It doesn't matter." 

I don't want to know the answer. 

My mother would be ashamed of me. Often times I've wondered about this over the past few years. More so after Shifter....   
  
I hate it. 

I hate that the only time I've ever heard her voice was because it was coming out of him. 

I hate that the only time I felt her.... was him. 

She smelled... so..... 

She would hate me. 

She'd be old now. Probably dead if she had survived in the first place. 

"Your momma would have loved you." He says quietly. "She did love you. She loved you more than life. If she would have survived she would have gone to hell and back to find you." 

If they'd found me.... 

If they'd come when I called them into existence all those years ago. 

If I'd not been so scared.... If I'd tried to be a 'normal' child. 

Hudson crazy. I'm going to refer to it as that from now on. 

Something passed down from my grandmother. 

The woman... who.... 

"Why are Laura's eye's green?" 

"What?" He seems thrown. 

"X. She's your clone... but her eyes are green." 

Logan stops to think for a moment. "John's eyes were green." He recalls. "Guess it's some kind of gene somewhere." 

 

"Then where did mine come from?" 

He shrugs. "I think one of my uncles had gray eyes... if that helps. It's hard to remember who exactly." 

This... isn't helpful. 

This is... distracting. 

"Why did you tell me this?" I ask after a few moments of silence. 

"Aside from you asking me?" He snorts. “Wanted you to know…. About where you come from. Maybe take out some of the mystery…?” He walks over to the table I was sitting at, moving aside some discarded paper. “Things didn’t start clicking for me until I could remember exactly where I came from.”

“And now I know.” 

I know that I'm from a long line of people who all went insane. Keeping the family tradition I suppose. 

“Now you know.” He glances over. “All that’s left… is you, me, and Laura.”

“You count her as a daughter.” I take a seat back at the table.

“You count her as a sister.” He counters.

“I do…” I admit. "Because she treats me like a brother." 

It happened the second day in the hole. I was.. out of it. She was there. Comforting. Helping. I only saw her a few times that week.   
  
She tracked me down. Shifter was sleeping or gone... I can't really remember which. I was so utterly wrecked. So scared. She promised to take care of me... like a sister. 

It kind of just stuck from that point on. 

She made it onto my list. 

A little further down than Johnny. I don't think she needs as much protection. Of course, when the time comes, I'll pay her back. I'll protect her like she did me. Logan's right. I see her a sister. I've never had a sister before and I don't much like the idea of losing one. 

Not that I'd ever say that out loud. 

Let alone TO her. 

I try to keep her at arm's distance. 

She knows better I'm sure. But she plays along. Laura's good for that. 

“Yea. She came into my life… and I didn’t know what to do with her. Other than block like hell… she tried to kill me.”

“Seems to be a theme.” I mutter.

“Tell me about it.” He snorts. “The two of you- hell bent on killing me… and all I can think when I’m looking at you- “

“Don’t.” It's almost begging. 

“Is that you’re one of the best things I could ask for… and that I don’t want to hurt you.” He finishes. "That I would never hurt you." 

"But you did hurt me." I say before I can stop myself. 

"Akihiro...." he says gently. "Akihiro- Look.... it's... you know what happened." 

"But then you saved me." 

"And you buried me." He counters. 

"You buried me." I reply. 

"Near our old house." 

"Would you kill Laura?" I ask. 

He nods. "If I had too." 

"To keep the world safe?" 

"To keep the world safe." He agrees, putting a hand on my shoulder. "She wouldn't make me." 

"I made you." 

"You made me." he repeats. "And you didn't mean to." 

I... don't know if that's accurate. 

It ties into the Evan situation. 

He doesn't know. he doesn't... 

“You loved her?" I ask quietly. 

"Who?" He says patiently. 

"Laura." I glance up at him. "You loved her?"

“I still love her. She’s family.” He makes a show of catching my eyes. "We're family." He repeats. "You and she are all I got." 

“You love me.” I state

“Yes.” He affirms. “I do. Very much.”

I look down at the table. “I’m not good at being loved.”

“You’re terrible at it.” He corrects. “I was too.”

“Why didn’t you give up on me?” I turn my eyes to him. "Why don't you hate me?" 

he smiles. “You’ve got too much of me in you… so suspicious.”

“Why Logan?" I press. "It’s important.”

“You’re part of her.” He says softly. “You look like her… most of the mannerisms you were trained to cover and not show anyone? Yea- they’re hers.”

“What?”

“Your smile.” He says. “You’ve got her smile. Not that smirk- your actual smile.”

“I’ve never smiled around you.”

"Yes, you have." He chuckles. Like this is funny.   
  
"I have not!" I press. "I have never been happy enough to-" 

Logan chuckles again. “You do when Johnny’s around.”

“….” Ah. 

"He drags them out of you." He continues. "And for a moment, it's like she's there." 

I.. don't smile. I hate smiling. There's something vulnerable about it. 

I frown, in thought. 

"No, see that one," He states, pointing at me. "That one's all me." 

That was..  humorous. I'll give him that. 

"See?" He says. "Not so hard?" He crosses his arms. "It didn't kill you." He's smirking. 

"Stop watching me." I growl. "You're making me nervous." 

"I can't look at you now?" 

"No." I snap. 

Logan shakes his head. "You're so stubborn." He grouses. "I can't even make you smile without you trying to turn it into an argument." 

I exhale slowly. "I don't like smiling," I admit. "It's too open." 

"Man of a million masks." Logan says quietly. 

That stops me. "What did you just say?" 

He looks confused. "Masks. You call it wearing masks." He stares at me. "When you pretend to have emotions. Like... happy. You have a 'happy' mask. You have a 'kind' one. A 'considerate' one. A-"   
  
"Where did you hear this?" I feel off-put. 

"You think I don't talk to your doctors?" 

I stare at the floor. 

"Try happy." He says. "Not faking it. Just try it out." 

"Happy' is when I'm in my home." I sneer. 

"I know it is." He says gently. "People like to visit you at home- do you notice that?"   
  
I look at him for a long moment. "Why?" I finally bite. 

"Becuase 'happy' feels good." He says with a smirk. "When you're in your own space and you're doing your own thing... mainly before you know we're there.... we feel 'happy'." 

I sigh. "My powers." 

He nods. "Your powers." 

I guess it would be pointless to ask where those come from.

"They act up." I try to explain.  
  
"Oh, I know." He laughs. "Trust me- the backlash from this conversation is killer."  

I stop, focusing.  

"Try smiling more often." He says. "It'll do you some good."  He taps my shoulder, moving away from me. “Let’s go do this pill thing.” He’s already walking away. He just trusts me to follow him.

“I can do it myself.” I feel like I should make that known.

“I know you can.” He says dismissively, stopping and looking back at me. “Don’t forgot your book.”

If I didn’t need the information so much- I’d leave it sitting on the table just to bother him.  
But... I’m pretty sure that Johnny would count that as ‘antagonizing’ Logan… so it’s best just to let him have this one.


	8. Down

“Feeling okay?”

‘okay? okay? tell daddy the truth now. back out. cower. cringe. go lick your wounds in the privacy of that comfy bed he’s going to chain you to.’

“Daken?”

“Fine.” I feel like I’m choking.

“Here we are.” The man from yesterday wheels out a wheelchair in front of him.

“I can walk.”

“Standard procedure.” He says with a smile. “Name’s Percy, by the way. Technically “Dr. Stevens"…. but I like to keep it on a first-name basis.” He nods to Logan. “You going to be accompanying him?”

“It’s kinda part of the deal.” Logan says gruffly.

“Not a problem. Not a problem at all.” He motions to the wheelchair. “Take a seat.”

“I’d rather walk.”

Percy looks me over with a raised eyebrow. “Let’s stick to procedure, shall we?” He smiles after this. “Take a seat. I promise not to run you into anything.”

“I’m walking.” I refuse.

“Daken…” Logan warns. “Don’t be difficult.”

I don’t want him to wheel me... I’d rather walk.

I-

“Good afternoon everyone!” Doctor Willis chirps. “How’s everyone doing?”

“Daken's a little wary,” Percy says. “He doesn’t want to sit in the chair.”

“I see.” Willis looks over to me. “You’d rather walk?”

“Yes.”

“Not a problem.” She says. “No problem at all. Follow me this way.” She starts to lead us towards the doors. “And breathe- Daken. You look a little nervous. And I know how from experience that you get sick when you’re in too much distress.”

A rather upsetting development that happened when I was rescued.

Decreasing food intake has helped… but they don’t like that either.

Logan was said that they should keep a trash can in every room I’m in after therapy sessions.

… I got sick on his carpet after that… and his car. The nice one.

He couldn’t even call it vindictive…. Which I hated. I wanted him to see it as me getting back at him… he just saw it as another symptom of my illness. Picked up some anti-nausea medication for me and put me to bed.

I was really sick that day… Johnny came home early to take care of me. It was actually kind of nice.

“This is the room.” I hadn’t realized I’d been following her. She holds the door open for me. “Logan- you’ll have to wait out here.”

He nods. “If you need anything, I’m right here.”

“I won’t need anything.” I assure.

“But if you do…”

“I won’t.” I say.

“Snapping at your father isn’t the right way to go about this.” Willis chides. “He’s here because you asked for him- remember that.”

I choose to discard that bit of advice and walk into the room, leaving the conversation outside with my father.

“Sit down.” She says while going over to a large box on the wall.

The room is dimly lit… it looks like any other medical room. The wall is filled with cabinets- which is find myself insanely interested in the closer I get to the chair.

The chair itself is softer than it looks. The brown leather smells like lemon scented cleaners.

“I’m going to lean you back.” She warns a few seconds before everything starts to shift.

“When do I get the drugs?”

Willis is now several feet above me. “Momentarily.” She assures.

“I want them now.”

“Soon.” She offers a smile. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I should be sedated.” I sound a little panicked.

“Need a trashcan?” She asks knowingly, walking back to the other side of the room and bringing a white plastic trash can over with her.

“I’m fine.”

She raises an eyebrow. “It’s here if you need it.”

The door opens and Percy joins her overhead. “Okay. We’re going to start with the relaxant…. Usually, we do this through an IV... but I’m told your skin would heal over the needle. So, with that in mind, we’re going to give you one massive dose at once.” He picks up the trash can and moves it closer to me. “It may make you feel a little sick to the stomach.”

“Why does everyone seem to think I’m going to puke today?” I grouse.

“You’re quite a violent puker.” Willis says around a small, somewhat nervous laugh. “We’re trying to save some time on clean up.”

“Right.” I growl. “Of course.”

Percy is over to the right, prepping the needle.

“Johnny take off alright?” Willis asks carefully.

I close my eyes. “As far as I know.”

“Have you been able to talk to him yet?”

“Briefly this morning.”

Damn... that is a large needle. A very, very large needle.

“How is he?”

“That’s large.” I say.

“The needle?” Willis moves overhead. “I apologize for that Daken. But it’s actually the smallest we have for this.”

“The smallest?”

She nods. “Tell me how Johnny is.”

“He’s…” God that’s big. Percy moves closer to us.

“He’s…?”

“Settling in. They got to the station this morning.”

“Long flight.” She comments. “I’ve always wondered how travel time is affected in space.”

“It depends on which part of the galaxy you’re in… I’m sorry, but that’s very large.”

“I know.” Percy says, finally moving beside me. “Give me your arm.”

I’m not shy around needles– I’m not. Needles don’t usually bother me. I mean fuck- I’ve got a tattoo that takes up a large part of my body… and that was done all at once. None of that fucking ‘do half come back another day’ thing. Eight hours of straight needlework.

I hold my arm up and close my eyes.

“Watch the hands.” Willis instructs. “If he tenses up, he may accidently extend his claws.”

“Claws?” He asks with an amount of interest.

“Claws.” She affirms. “He’s got six.”

“In his arms?”

“Yes.” I answer. “In my arms.”

“Ah.” The man smiles. “So your dad…. he’s really- “

“Yes.” I sigh.

“And he’s really… an x-man?”

“And an avenger.”

“Wow.” He smirks. “You’re like mutant royalty.”

What? What the fuck? “I don’t like that.”

“Sorry,” Percy says quickly. “Sorry.” He rubs alcohol on my arm. “Sharp pain here.” He warns a second before the needle digs in.

It’s a very, very large needle.

I grunt when he takes it out.

“Let that set in... keep the trash can near.” He smiles. “We’re going to give it a few minutes before the anesthesia.”

“Okay.”

He backs away from the chair, leaving Willis over me.

They weren’t kidding about the nausea... it’s almost immediate.

I’m…

“You alright?”

“I’m going to be sick.”

She bends down and brings the trash can up for me, putting it in my lap. “lean forward and sit up.”

I follow her instructions, putting my head in the glorified bucket.

Willis pats my back. “Take a breath… don’t tense up.”

Tensing would be impossible…. Just keeping myself upright feels impossible. My muscles… I swear I’m asking for exertion… and I’m not even doing anything.

“I can’t be sick.” I say after a minute of fighting it. “My muscles won’t contract.”

“Ah.” She says gently. “I’m sorry about that Daken. You won’t have to be nauseous for long. Percy’s about to come in with the anesthesia.”

As if he was listening outside, the door opens back up. “Right… did we get sick?”

“He started to.” Willis informs. “But the relaxant is stopping him.”

“Ah.” He repeats her earlier statement. “I honestly didn’t think of that.” He puts a hand on my back. “Relax into my arm.” He instructs. “I’ll lay you back… I don’t think you can do it without falling over.”

I try to nod, but my head doesn’t want to move.

“Nice and slow.” he yelps suddenly, “Slower! Slower!” He laughs from over me, holding up all of my weight on his one arm. “You dropped like a rock!”

It’s hard to keep my eyes open at this point.

“Yea.” He continues, making sure my back touches the leather… I feel like I’m going to fall through it. “No one’s a talker when that get’s in their system.”

“We’re putting the strap on your neck.” Willis says, making me open my eyes. “And we’re going to put padded restraints on your arms and legs.”

Restraints? I... they didn’t say anything about restraints!

“Uh- “

“I won’t put them on until you're out.” The woman says. “I know how those make you nervous.”

I give what I hope is a good nod.

“Right… now- “Percy places a plastic mask over my mouth and nose. It smells like some sort of powder. “I’m going to turn this on and I want you to take deep breaths.”

He’s quiet for a second before there’s a scent of chemicals in my nose. It’s disgusting.

“No- no. Don’t pull away.” He chides. “Jesus. He’s got some fight in him.”

“Professionalism.” Willis chides. “Relax Daken… start counting. One hundred… ninety-nine…. Ninety-eight… ninety-seven...”

I don’t feel any different than when they dosed me with the muscle relaxant. This isn’t going to work. All this effort is going to be a waste.

“Ninety-three, Ninety-two, Ninety-one,”

A waste. I should tell them to stop. I can’t take this fucking smell anymore.

“Eighty-nine,” Willis Continues.

I can’t see her face anymore. I can’t… see anything past my nose.

“Eighty-five,” Her voice gets distant.

“There he goes.” I think that was Percy.

“Hit him with a second dose- just to be safe.”  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“Hey there…” Everything is blurry. This voice… all voices. All sounds, in general, are muffled. “Daken… yo hoo.”

My eyesight won’t focus.

“Can you move with me?”

Move? I can’t see. I can’t hear. How the hell can I move?

“There we go.”

There’s pressure on my back.

“Dad- grab his legs.”

More pressure- lower down.

“Can he even sit in a car?” Muffled voice.

“Percy said you drove an SUV?”

“Yea.”

“We can lay him out in the back.”

There’s movement… I think I’m moving.

The world is too blurry.

Where am I?

Why am I here?

Why can’t I see?

“Up we go.”

There’s more pressure on me before the lighting shifts to dark and the world goes sideways.

“Seat belt?”

“I got him.”

“Very good. Now he’s going to be a little out of it for the rest of the night… keep him in bed for a while.”

“Why is he reacting like this?”

“Too much anesthesia.” The fist voice says. “Is he buckled?”

“Yea, he’s good.”

“Good.” Someone taps my shoulder. “I hope you get some good sleep.”

There’s the sound of the door closing... and it’s very dark.

A few seconds later another door is opened… outside smells filter to my senses.

The door shuts and the car- a car we’re in a car- starts.

It starts moving slowly.

“Look at you…” My companion says. “You look so… peaceful.”

There’s silence.

The car keeps moving…And I close my eyes again.

“Can you get someone out here to help me?” I jolt awake. “He needs to be helped to his bed.”

He’s on the phone.

Where.... am I?

Why do I feel like this?  
The door by my head opens and there are more outside smells. There’s no bright light this time.

“Whew.” Someone states. “Someone did a number on you.”

“Can it Cajun.”

“I’m jus sayin’.” The voice defends. “How do ya' want to carry him?”

“Pull him out… we’ll see if he can at least semi walk.”

There’s some moving… and a drop.

“On your feet.”

Do these voices mean to hurt me?

“Easy there… Logan, he ain't holding himself up.”

“Ah…”

“You gonna have to carry him.”

“Upstairs?”

“You want to leave him on a couch?”

There’s silence. “No… we can’t risk him waking up like that.”

“Then…”

“I’ll carry him… go in front and get the doors- alright?”

“You got it.”

Someone pulls me up again, pulling me close to their chest… Their heartbeat is steady… and they smell… sturdy. Old. Ther's almost a hint of smoke. Not fire smoke- but smoke none the less. “Sleeping like a baby.” The second voice of the person in front calls.

“No, he’s not.” The first corrects, very near my ears. “He’s probably confused as hell.”

“.. Who are you?” I slur.

“It’s Logan. You’re back at the school. We’re going to put you to bed.”

My head rolls a second before a hand pushes me closer to Logan’s shoulder. “You’re gonna hurt your neck… hold still.”

“Where am I?”

“At my school.” Logan sounds so far away. “You’re completely safe.”

We’re moving... not too fast but everything is so blurry still.

A few seconds into our trek, a man stands out in the blur. Tan skin, blonde hair, lean form... green eyes... so vivid. He smiles and my blood runs cold. The possessive look in his eyes.... like he knows me. Worse- like he owns me.

“Who is that?” I don’t like him.

He's not an x-man. I know that much. 

He's young but too old to be a student. 

Maybe a TA? Does Logan do that? 

“Who is who?”

The look in the man's eyes.... The smile... My mind screams danger. At the same time, it yells at me to go submissive. To not fight. Better yet- to hide. It wants me to hide from him. Every instinct is screaming at me. 

“The man.”

“What man?”

He crosses his arms as we come closer. 

Why can I see him but no one else? 

“The… I don’t like him.” I try to explain by panic is making me lock up. I'm calling years worth of training into thought- trying to remember where I know him from and who exactly he is. 

I think he knows me. 

I think... I think he wants to hurt me. 

“There’s no man.” Logan assures.

The man leans against the wall by the stairs. ‘scared lover?’

'Lover'? 

I haven't had a lover other than Johnny in years. 

“Who is that??” I demand. 

Logan sounds nervous. “There’s no one Daken. No one is here but me and Remy… are you seeing Remy?”

“Remy?” I'm confused. 

I know who Remy is. I think. 

“Tall… auburn headed. You know- Gambit?”

Right. No. Not Remy.  Remy is pale. 

“No… tan. On the wall.” I try to point, but my arms won't move. I resort to nodding my head to the man. The motion makes me dizzy. 

The man moves closer to us. 

My heart starts to race. 

“No one is on the wall.” Logan says calmly. "Let's just get you upstairs. I think you're seeing things." 

‘what’s wrong baby? am i making you nervous?’

“Keep him away from me!” I demand. "Logan- please. Don't let him come any closer!" 

‘oh don’t stress, honey.’ The man soothes. ‘let’s go to bed… lay down for awhile. you’d like that wouldn’t you?’

“Yes….” That doesn't sound threatening. Maybe he's a doctor. Maybe I'm just freaked out because of the procedures. 

“Yes what?” Logan questions.

‘well, honey… let me take you to bed…. we can have some fun.’

'Fun'? No. If he's a doctor then he'd know I was with someone. Everyone knows I'm with Johnny. That I will always be with Johnny. There's not a person in the world who could take me away from him. 

'johnny doesn't have to know.' The man moves closer still. 'it can be a secret. don't you want to be my little secret again? i have a place we can go. you'll like it. lots of rooms to play in. i know how you like to play.' 

I shake my head. "No.. no... stay away." I try to move, but Logan holds me. 

"He's full on hallucinating." Logan says to someone. Probably Remy. 

Hallucinating? 

No. This man is real. I see him. I know he's there. 

I know he means to hurt me. 

“Keep him away from me.” I repeat. “I don’t like how he’s talking.”

“No one is talking- son. I promise. No one’s there.”

The man moves closer. ‘you’re so beautiful… such a beautiful mutt.’

No… no... I – no

“No... no… please no.”

“No what?”

‘take your time baby… i’ll be around.’

“Daken?”

“Please... please no.”

I can't get any other words out of my mouth. 

I can't tell him what danger I'm in. 

“Easy son. Easy.”

‘maybe you should have thought harder about your actions.’

Master is standing on a particularly blurry spot.

Master and a mystery man. 

My brain won't make the connections it needs to. My mind won't let me think properly. It must be gummed up from the drugs. 

‘before you so blindly let yourself go down this path of sentiment and weakness.’

“Logan... please. Please. Help me.” I finally get out. I fist his shirt in my hands. "Please.. please..." I beg. "Don't let them. Please- Logan- don't." 

“You’re fine.” We stop moving. 

"Move." I beg. "Please- we have to move." 

The first man is at the bottom of the stairs- Masters at the top.

‘you think daddy is going to help you?’ Master snarls.

“Stay away!” I cry when we stay stationary. 

Everything starts to blur. 

I don't know where Logan is. 

I don't know who's holding me. 

I barely recognize that I'm in the school. 

The scenery morphs and the colors fade. It's almost going black. 

‘curl up and cry, daken. it’s what your best at.’ Master sneers, walking down what's left of the stairs. 'what with your security  blanket gone.' 

From behind us, the fist man says, ‘ i can help with that…’ his skin starts to stretch, turning black… his eyes fade.

“No!” I start to fight against whoever is holding me.

The person resists, holding my arms in one hand and my supporting my kicking legs with the other.

“NO! NO! Please… oh god!”

‘easy there honey… you’re making a scene.’ The man - the monster- the.. oh my god. His teeth. There's... no... there's so many. It's... they're so sharp. He opens that large mouth, snarling. 'cry, cry, cry.' 

‘infant.’

“Don’t touch me.” I gasp. “Don’t you fucking touch me!”

The monstrous man smiles, showing off teeth like daggers. ‘oh we’re scared now?’ he says in an almost a sing-song tone. ‘ i like it when you’re scared. i want you to fear me.’

‘fear the mortal… you should be scared- daken.’

“No.” It’s broken.

“Daken- “

“No... please... please… don’t let them…” I feel like-

“Shh. Don’t cry. You’re fine.”

Who is holding me?? 

‘let me help you… you like it when i help you.’ The monster moves closer- black skin like latex- standing out against the blurry outline. ‘cry for me… let me have your tears.’

“Please…” I beg with him.   
  
The world is shades of gray. 

There's red carpet running up the stairs... it's all that's left. It extends into nothing. 

"Where have you taken me?" I demand hoarsely. My throat hurts. My... whole body is locking up. 

‘shh… no words. just cry for me.’ He insists.  'cry.' 

I shake my head, fighting harder.

“I can’t move him- he’s going to fall.” The person holding me sounds a million miles away. Does he work for them? For Master? For-

“Professor- “

‘next, we take your blood… you bleed so pretty for me… won’t you come play? another game?” the monster whispers. ‘ you love my games.’

“Not a good time, Evan.”

“It’s- “

“Go to your room- okay? Tell anyone you see to go to their rooms… get Quire to tell everyone… anyone out in the halls will get detention.”

“Professor- “

“Now, Evan!”

‘how about a kiss?’ the monster steps up, massive stride bringing him to me. ‘won’t you kiss me?’

“NO!”

‘or you could spread your legs… don’t fight… you don’t want to fight… you belong to me.’

I do.   
  
In this moment- I know it's true. 

I belong to him. He says it- it's true. 

I will always belong to him. 

I will... 

'that's right.' He smiles and those teeth- those teeth! They gleam. They shine. Rows and rows and rows. Like the inside of a shark's mouth. Like Jaws himself. 

“…Please…” It's all I can say. He moves closer still. The hands holding me stiffen… and they can only mean to hurt me. “No!” I wrench my arm free and blindly lash out with my claws. “Don’t touch me!”

‘nice outfit… you like to look good for me... don’t you? you should always look good for me… nice body… put on a little weight, though... filled out nice. why don’t you show me that body? i promise to gut you quickly.’

I lunge away from the man, into the darkness. That only puts me closer to Master... who looks down at me with disdain. 'what are you doing?' He hisses. 'go back where you belong.'

The monster get's closer. There is a gap at his feet... if I could quickly lunge past him.... and roll into the darkness I can find Logan. I can find my way back to his school... I can.. I can get away! 

The monster stops suddenly. 'doggie...' He calls. 'come here.' He pats his large hand on his thigh, bending over to do so. Like one would do when they're calling for a dog. 'come here mutt.' He grins. 'i promise to move quickly. you only have to give me a little blood.' 

My shoulder hits a step, and I just roll, past the monster.

“Jesus.”

‘here we are.’ The monster leans over me. ‘give me a smile.’

“Leave me alone! Oh god… please- please go.”

“Easy.” Someone puts pressure on my side. “He broke his ribs.”

‘about that smile?’

I can’t even talk anymore.

“Professor-“ This voice is panicked.

“Evan! What did I tell you??”

“This is my fault!” Evan (Presumably) cries. “I’m sorry!”

“How is this your fault?” Logan shoots back, “He’s just hallucinating- trust me. It has nothing to do with you.”

Hallucinating….?

‘oh, i’m real- babe.’ The monster assures. ‘open your mouth… lemme see those pretty teeth.’

I can’t stop him.. I can’t... I hurt so badly.

'that's just the beginning.' The monster the.... shape... 

Oh god. 

'you think a little fire can stop me?' The monster chuckles. "you knew i was here. you knew and you came here anyway. whatever happens is on you.' Those teeth... I hate those teeth. I hate them. I hate him. I ... 

"Jesus." 

I feel strange. Suddenly my shirt is wet. 

"Call someone to clean up this vomit-" 

I got sick? 

'of course you did.' Shifter smiles. 'like a good boy. now what do we do when we lose all of our lunch?' 

“Easy… come on Daken.”

The monster reaches his hand out- going to cup my face.. to shred my skin.. but I’m lifted away from him.

“I got you.” The color starts to return. 

“Professor-“

'i'll be seeing you sweetheart.' Shifter's face changes again.. smoke starts to issue from his mouth. He slowly morphs back into his original form, but his skin is melted and burnt. His eyes are dead.

“Evan- please. I need to be alone right now.” I’m pulled close to his chest. His... Logan.  “You’re okay.” He soothes. “You’re okay… I’ve got you.”

The world stays blurry… the monster... Shifter is gone…. master is gone.

My face is wet.

My shirt is wet. 

“You broke your ribs falling down the stairs… let yourself heal up before you move.” Logan holds me stationary. When I can see a little better, I see that he's staring at the ceiling. Mumbling to himself. Upset. 

"He's not bleeding anymore." Remy says quietly. 

"Yea- the rib is back on the inside now." 

Rib? 

"It came through your skin." He says to me quietly. As if I was the only one who was supposed to hear it. 

We move again. UP and up and up…

I'm so scared. I'm so, so so, scared. 

My face feels wet. I'm hiccuping... I'm crying. I'm...

Oh god. I feel sick again. 

“Don’t cry… it’s okay.” Logan says, holding me closer. "It's okay. He can't get you. No one can get you." 

“Homme… what happened?”

“I don’t know.” Logan sounds a little frightened. “Open my door- will you?”

“Maybe you should put him in his own room...all things considered.” Remy says thoughtfully. 

“He doesn’t leave my sight.” Logan growls. “Open the damn door.”  
Things are quiet… I’m deposited into a mess of blankets and allowed to curl up on my side.

“Don’t.. please don’t.” I gasp in between hiccups. 

“You’re fine… I’m gonna have to set your ribs.”

“I.. am I even? Am I good? Please tell me I’m good.” My mind is whirling. 

“You’re good.” Logan says quickly. “You’re great. You’ve done wonderfully.”

“The boy… I raped the boy.”

“What boy?”

“He said I raped him.”

“… Who said you raped him?”

“His mind! I raped his mind… please don’t let them take me. I said I was sorry. Please… please..”

“Easy…. Shh. Easy.” My hair is pushed back from my forehead. “Go to sleep… okay? Go to sleep.”

“Please… don’t let them.. you can’t…” My voice cracks. “He’s not supposed to be here… please… please-“

“No one is going to touch you.” He promises. “Take it easy.”

I roll over further, reaching my hand into the blurriness around me.

“What are you reaching for?”

“I’m going to be sick!” I cry. 

“Okay- hold on- “

“I’m burning!’

“You’re not burning.”

"He's going to burn me." I gasp. "He's going to.. I'm burning. I'm going to burn!" 

"You're not." Logan says. "You're not going to burn. No one is going to hurt you." 

“He’s hurting me!” I cry. 

“No one is hurting you… the only pain you’re feeling is your ribs.”

“I’m going to be sick… please.. please don’t let him in here… he doesn’t like it when I’m sick.”

'what do we do when we lose all of our lunch?' 

In my head. In my fucking head. 

"He's in my head." I sob. "He's in my fucking head." 

"I know he is." Logan shushes. "I know son." 

"Please... I'm going to be sick." 

"Are you nauseous?" He questions. "How nauseous? Do we have time to get your medicine?" 

All I can do is shake. 

“Hold on Daken.”

But I can’t. I end up puking all over myself, coating my clothing and my arms.

“Oh god….”

I want to say something- but I puke again.

“God… just… let it out.” Logan says, his voice sounds further away.

"Don't.. please... I'm sorry." I can't get this out fast enough. "I won't do it again."

I try to contain myself... but I'm so sick. I puke again. Several times.

Logan leaves my side. I'm scared. I'm so scared when I'm alone.

'someone is going to have to clean this up.' He coos. 'you know how we clean this up?'

I find myself crying again. I can't stop.

Shifter loves this. He likes putting me in this place.   

“Yea,” Logan comes back. He sounds like he’s’ talking to someone else. “You got it?”

Someone says, “Yes. It’s right here.”

“And it’s safe to use?”

“He’ll be fine.” The voice assures.

I puke.. again and again. There’s nothing left… if he comes in here he’ll shove my face in it.

“Please.” I croak. “Father- please… don’t let him.. oh god.” I hiccup.

There’s a hand on my back now. “Gonna put you to sleep- okay? I think you really just need sleep… it’s not really right to let you suffer like this.”

“….” I curl on my side again, smelling like stomach acid and filth.

“Don’t cry.” He soothes. “Let me take care of it.”

Something bites my arm.. and things start to go hazy again.

“It’s okay… you’re okay.”

“I’m burning.” I whisper.

“I’ll put the fire out.” Logan answers. “We’re about to do it now.”

“…. and..”

“He won’t touch you.” He promises. “I’m not gonna let you burn.. and I’m not gonna let him touch you. You can go to sleep.”

The blurriness fades to black.


	9. True

I’ve been in and out for a while. Dozing off anytime anyone tries to talk to me too in-depth.

Not that I’m doing it on purpose- in fact, I’d like nothing more than to be able to wake myself and end this awful nightmarish day.

Logan stands watch- constantly guarding.

Honestly, I don’t know what I expected. I’m surrounded by his scent. The bed- the sheets- it smells like… a smell I can never quite place to label firmly as ‘Logan’.

“He’s okay.” He mumbles. “It wasn’t as bad as you think it was- honestly.”

He's lying. I can smell it on him. 

He thinks it is as bad as this person thinks. No- even worse. 

Whoever he’s talking to sounds young. “It’s my fault.”

“You keep saying that…. But it’s not.”

“It is.” This voice is tearful.

“Evan- are you alright? I know this is upsetting. I’m sorry you saw it like you did- but there’s no way this is your fault. It's the procedure- it backfired. Apparently, you're not supposed to use it on someone who's had that bad of an experience with it or some shit. We don't really know. But it's definitely not your fault. You had absolutely nothing-”

“I blackmailed him.” Evan interrupts with a crying hiccup. “I was angry at him… he tried to apologize for what he’d done to me… and I asked if he’d go through with the procedure. I was angry…. I was so angry.” More hiccups.

“Evan…”

“I told him I wanted him to suffer…. Like I had. I told him that I had felt like I was raped… and that he had to do this to make us even.”

“I see.”

“I’m sorry, professor. I know it was wrong. I never imagined it would be like this!” He’s crying so hard.

“Evan…” Logan says gently, “That’s how revenge feels. Do you feel any better?”

“No.” The boy hiccups.

“Does it make you feel vindicated?”

“No sir.”

“It makes you feel cold- doesn’t it?” Logan continues.

“And slimy.”

“And slimy.” Logan repeats. “Revenge is never what you think it’s going to be… I know what Daken did was wrong- and you said he apologized. So he knows what he did was wrong too… I’ll tell you something- he was really scared. Truly frightened…. Does that make you feel better? Knowing how horrified he was?”

“No professor.” Evan sobs. “It doesn’t.”

“Blackmail doesn’t seem like you,” Logan says gently. “Did someone help you with this idea?”

“No professor…. I thought it was better than violence.”

“Better than violence.” Logan repeats. “Violence comes in many forms.”

Why… does Logan sound so wise? Why is he coaching this kid?

“...Can he hear me?”

“Maybe,” Logan says.

They’re quiet for a second before Evan mumbles. “You don’t know if he’s awake?”

“No. He’s been in and out.”

“Are his ribs better?”

I’m touched that the kid is hanging around like this.

“Yea. They healed really fast.”

“I’m glad.” He sniffs. “Could you tell him.. I’m sorry? I don’t know how to face him.”

“Honestly Evan… I think you need to tell him yourself. I’m glad you came and told me all of this… and I’m glad you’ve learned this lesson…. But it’s not me you need to be having this conversation with.”

Evan clears his throat. “… Can I have the room?”

“I can still hear you outside the door.” Logan informs.

“I know; I know… but I want the illusion of privacy.”

Logan chuckles. “Okay kid. Take your time.”

Logan exits, closing the door behind him.

“Are you awake?” Evan asks tentatively.

I don’t know if I should answer- if I want to answer.

“Please… if you’re awake answer me.” Evan says softly. “I know you don’t owe me this… but please. I’d really like to talk to you.”

“…I’m awake.” I say after some deliberation.

“Then you heard what I told Professor Logan?” He sounds hopeful.

“I did.” I don’t bother to open my eyes. This doesn’t seem like a conversation that would need them.

“It’s kind of dark in here.” Evan says awkwardly. “Can I turn on a lamp?”

“Knock yourself out.” I respond, doing the courtesy of at least rolling onto the side facing him.

He fumbles around in the dark with the lamp for a second before finally turning it on. “Much better.”

There’s silence between us.

“Are you mad at me?” He asks finally.

I sigh, cracking my eyes open only to see his hopeless face. “No. I’m not mad at you.”

“Did you know the thing about revenge?” I'm wondering just how old this kid is... he seems kind of impressionable.

I look down at the blankets. “Honestly? Not like Logan does. He’s a lot older than I am.”

“I know.” Evan says. “He’s gained a lot of wisdom over the years… I should have come to him before I came to you.”

“It wouldn’t have changed how you felt.” I say. “You needed to find that out for yourself.”

Evan nods. “I’m so, so, sorry. I wanted you to suffer.. but I didn’t know it would be like that. It wasn’t a humane thing to do. I’m... really, really sorry.”

“Are we even now?”

He nods, tearing up a little. “We’re even.” He says quickly. “I’m so sorry. You shouldn’t have had to do that.”

I grant him a nod. “We’re even… and your little friends will stop glaring at me?”

“Uh-“

“Pinkie is particularly unpleasant.” I give him a half smile.

“Quentin?” Evan sounds amused. “Yea, I’ll tell him you’re fine.”

I nod, relaxing back into the pillows. “Can you tell me what time it is?”

“Uh-“

“Do you have a phone on you?”

“Right! Uh…” He awkwardly digs through the pockets of his school uniform. “Uh- here. It’s nine-thirty.”

“At night?”

“…. In the morning.”

I groan and rest my head back on the pillows.

“You overslept?” He asks softly. “Because you were sick?”

“Because I was sedated.” I correct.

“Oh…”

“I think that was because I was puking, though.” I try to make him feel a little better- god knows why I want to… but I try.

“You puked…because you were upset?”

“Yea... I do that.”

Evan takes a step closer to the bed. “That must be awful. Is it every time you get upset?”

“It’s about a seventy-five percent chance. Logan had to clean it up. It was kind of funny.”

Evan laughs a little. “I guess that would be funny.”

Silence passes between us. “You’re a good kid.” I tell him finally. “This doesn’t make you a bad person. Good people have to do a great many bad things before they’re bad.”

“…Are you still bad?” He asks gently.

“No.” I answer. “No, I’m not. I’m something else.”

“Like… Deadpool? He’s something else.”

“Deadpool?”

“Yea!” He says brightly. “He’s awesome! He visits me sometimes and- “

“Kid- I’m not like Deadpool. “I interrupt. “I don’t think anyone is like Deadpool but Deadpool.”

“You’re anti- Deadpool?” He offers.

“I’m Daken.” I say after some thought. “Just Daken.”

“Okay…. and Daken is good now?”

“Semi- good.” I say smugly. “Tell your friends I’ll still kick their asses if they mess with me…. Okay? Let them think I’m worse than I am.”

Evan smiles sadly. “But…. I don’t know if you know…. I mean…”

“The whole school knows- don’t they?” I ask tiredly.

“Yea.” Evan says, looking down at his feet. “It kinda happened on the main stairs… and Professor Logan and Remy kind of made noise bringing you in… it attracted some attention.”

A bell rings from somewhere in the house.

“You’re going to be late.” I say without really looking at him. “You should go.”

He nods. “I’m sorry- again…. And I’m sorry that everyone knows… I wish it was more private.”

“We’re even.” I counter. “Things this messy are never private.” I offer a small smile. “Go to class.”

He nods again. “I hope you feel better.”  
I look down for a few seconds, when I look up he’s gone and Logan’s standing there.

“Daken…. that was a big thing you did.” He says. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I’ve been manhandled.” I shift on the bed, feeling a stiffness in my muscles.

“We had to wash you.” He informs. “And change the sheets….. you puked on everything.”

“You changed my clothes.” I observe.

“I repeat my statement about the puke. Literally on everything.” He walks into the room and sits down in a chair by the bed. “Oh- before I forget.” He reaches over to the dresser and pulls out a small rectangular piece of clear glass. “Johnny called last night… I told him what happened.”

“Ah- “

“He left a message for you.”

I hold my hand out for the piece of glass, as soon as I concentrate on it turning on- it flicks to life.  
Instead of the usual video screen- there’s some text. Like looking at a very clear i-phone screen.

“He didn’t think you’d like a video.” Logan says gently, standing to his feet. “I’ll let you read that… and then we’ll get you moved out of here. After last night- Hank demands that you eat something.”

“Alright.” I say distractedly.

He nods and leaves the room.

I look at the long block of text in my hand.

‘So…. fighting aliens. Let me tell you about aliens.’ He says in opening. ‘They fight dirty. And this is just the politics part of things. You’d love it. It’s all lies and back stabbing- like that TV show you watch. You know- with the dragons? And the sex?’

I’ve failed to get him interested in many things I like... but he’ll sit through ‘Game of Thrones’….. it reminds me a lot of being with Romulus, to be honest. It’s really fucked up… but I kind of reminisce watching it.

‘I haven’t got to set anything on fire yet.’ He complains. ‘But Laura says that when I do, to tell her not to be downwind… we had an accident training the other day.’ The text breaks into a separate paragraph.

‘(I kinda singed her eyebrows)’ I can imagine that going well for him. It brings a small smile to my face. ‘Her and angel seem to be in some kind of.. weird young person relationship trouble. It’s very, very awkward. I offered to be her wingman- but she said she didn’t know what that was and asked that I didn’t.’

Ah.

‘I happen to be a wonderful wingman and a very smooth gentleman altogether.” I snort at that. ‘I can almost see the face you’d be making as you read that. And I assure you- I will prove this to you when I get back…. And now you’re probably thinking something along the lines proving me wrong…’

He’s not wrong.

‘I heard about your night last night…. And the procedure. I know you were scared- I’m proud of you for doing it. I also know that what happened after was because you went through with your deal with Evan. That took a lot of courage. I’m sorry it upset you so greatly…. From what Logan was telling me- I can pretty much guess what you were seeing. What you always see when you’re upset… and I can guess what he was trying to do… it’s been so close to your mind lately. I wish I had been able to do something about it before I left… or that I’d at least told Logan.’

He wouldn’t… I have to keep myself from scanning ahead.

‘But I know that I made a deal not to tell him about any of the sexual sides of Shifter related things.. . not unless it was important. This is important though baby… and I think you should tell him. I think you should tell him that… maybe it’s still bothering you…. or what you told me… about how many times it happened? It’s a lot more than you originally told us... and the stories are a lot worse than we thought. I know it’s hard... and it’s hard for me too- just knowing these things- but maybe you could tell him a little. Tell him how Shifter is still so close to your mind… okay? Just tell him. Give him a little background.”

I sigh.

‘And you know Shifter is dead. Romulus is dead too. I say this because when you’re actually seeing them- you always see them together. And though they never met in real life- that it’s truly one of your biggest fears.’

Because it started happening when I was in the hole.

‘It’s the one Shifter implanted… one of the ones from when he held you prisoner the second time. Along with your thing about vomit- which I still think you should tell Logan about… or at least let me tell him.’

I do know that… when I’m not freaking out.  
‘I’ll call back to check on you tomorrow after the hearings…. I’m still trying to work out space-time (Reed’s not really explaining it in words I understand?) But I’m pretty sure it will be sometime around lunch.’

He breaks into another paragraph.

‘ I love you. Three weeks and I’ll take you home…. You’ll be back with your things, in your space, and I’ll be beside you... I can’t wait to be able to hold you again. Space- as it turns out- when you leave someone behind… is really lonely. I can see why Sue and Reed have never gone separately for extended periods of time.’

I miss him too. That’s certain. I didn’t know the thing about Sue and Reed- but it makes sense. When I think of the highest level of functioning relationship- theirs comes to mind.

‘Speaking of… Sue is demanding that I turn this off and come to training. And you know how bossy she is. I love you. Have a better day. Remember- you’re stronger than you think you are.’

It ends.

I’m stronger than I think I am… well at least one of us believes in my capabilities.

There’s a knock at the door, and I highly doubt it's Logan.

Hank opens the door, granting one of the oddest smiles from his animal-like face. “I’m here to give you a check up.” He says brightly. “Before taking you down to breakfast.”

“Sure…” I put the transmission receptor on the side table.

He walks over to the bed, setting down a small clear bag of instruments. “Sit up if you don’t mind.”

It takes a few seconds- but I find myself upright.

“I’m going to check your heart, lungs, stomach, and temperature.” He informs. “You had a massive dosage of sedatives last night. I want to make sure it’s worked itself out of your system before trying to feed you.”

He places the cold metal part of the stethoscope to my bare chest, making my skin flinch. “Sorry.” He says in a doctor like way. “Deep breaths.”

I take a few, stopping when he makes a noise of affirmation. “Lungs sound good.” He moves the metal to my heart. “Heartbeat is normal.” He takes the ear pieces out of his ears and sets the larger than usual instrument aside. “Lay back for me.”

He places a thermometer under my tongue as I recline back onto the mattress. “Tell me if any of this hurts.” He starts to prod by stomach- his large fingers surprisingly gentle. “Nothing?” He says after a few moments.

I shake my head.

“That’s wonderful news. You were quite sick last night.” He smiles that weird smile again. The thermometer beeps twice and he removes it. “Normal temperature… which is good. The dosage of sedatives caused you to run a fever last night. I’m glad it’s finally broken.” He puts his tools back in the bag. “Allow me to take you to the cafeteria…. After you dress of course.”

“… I’m not really- “

“Your father and I must insist that you eat a little something,” Hank says sternly. “For the sake of your medication…”

“…Right.” I missed a dose last night. “How’s the work? I slept through- “

“Logan made sure you took your pills last night.” He interrupts.

“I don’t remember that.” That makes me more nervous than waking up in clean bed clothes.

He nods. “We had to improvise… there’s an interesting device you can use on animals for getting tablet medications-“

“Hold on- you used a device for a DOG on me?”

“Shot the pills down your throat.” He says with a nod. “You wouldn’t take them on your own. We managed to wake you but you thought Logan was.. someone else. You refused to take anything he handed you.”

“That’s wonderful.” I grouse.

“Well… it should be a good reminder to take your medications when told.” He says sternly. “Now, hurry up and dress.”

He turns around and exits, though his scent stays by the door.

“Are you still out there?”

“Yes.”

“I can find the cafeteria on my own.” I roll out of bed.. and then remember that this isn’t my room. “Uh-“

“Clothes are on the side table.” He calls back through the door. “In case I forgot to mention.”

I’m in the shorts I usually wear to bed- actually a pair of Johnny’s ‘basketball’ shorts. Why they’re called that- I have no idea. He surely doesn’t play the sport.

They set out some jeans for me… but I take the t-shirt- compare it to what I’m already wearing and opt to just take the shirt.

It takes about a minute to realize that shoes are not something they thought to give me.

So I decide to go without for the time being.

“You're…” he stops when I open the door. “Dressed.” His sentence dies on his tongue. “Ah…”

“Not formal enough for you?”

Hank looks me over for a second before shaking his head. “No, not all. It’s a wonderful outfit.”

He happens to be wearing some kind of suit like thing… surely going to teach a class.

“Thank you.” I’m almost challenging him to say something else.

“You’re quite welcome.” He ushers me out of Logan’s room and into the hallway.

It’s a quiet trek to the cafeteria… but I notice an alarming number of kids staring.

“Go to class, please.” Hank says with a tone of absolute authority.

“… Professor.” A kid ducks his head towards Hank and walks into one of the classrooms.

“You too, Mr. Quire.”

“Decided to take the day off.” A pink haired kid in a wanna be hair style is leaned up against the wall. “Mental health day.” He says, looking at me.

“If you’re feeling ill- feel free to return to your room. Or come see me in about .. thirty minutes and I will examine you.”

“My little head is just swimming.” He puts a hand to his forehead. “I think I need help.”

“Mr. Quire- I’m going to have to insist that you stop.” Hank says sternly.  
“I don’t know how.” He says in a faux panic. “Nothing is making sense.”

“That’s enough.”

“… I don’t know what’s real- oh god.”

He grasps his head and bends over.

I feel like I’m going to be sick again.

He’s antagonizing me… on purpose.

“This isn’t funny Quentin.” Hank growls. “You're behaving despicably.”

“What do you think Daken?” Quentin says with a level of cruelty in his voice that I’m not sure I deserve. “Am I faking it?”

“Faking it?”

“Daken- please.” Hank puts a hand on my chest. “I will deal with the boy. Go to the cafeteria.”

“Faking it?” I repeat, trying to push past him.

“Faking it.” Quire spits. “No one saw what happened- except for you. And the clone- who could just be telling what you told her to.”

“I don’t have to prove anything to you.” I snarl.

“Was it real?? Your little ‘outburst’? You just love daddy’s attention- don’t you?”

“Apparently not as much as you do.” I say in clipped words.

“Quire- Daken has a documented illness. He’s been diagnosed by leaders in the field of Psychology. He has all but proved himself.”

“So it’s true… big bad Daken is crazy.” He claps his hands together. “Not able to beat up little kiddies now- are you? Not so big and tough.”

“Leave me alone. I haven’t done anything to you.”

“No- but you did something to Evan… and he’s too soft. He’s just going to let this go.”

“I already talked to Evan-“

“You did that little stunt last night to get out of his deal.” Quire growls.

My heart feels like it’s going to explode. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me. It was too hard for you.. so you backed out.”

“I see nightmares… all day. When I’m awake, when I’m asleep- you don’t get to tell me what’s ‘hard’ on me.”

“A few shocks, a little bit of vomit and suddenly you and he are even??” Quire bellows. “You could have killed him!”

“But I didn’t!” I yell back.

“Not for lack of trying!”

I look up and notice that Hank is gone… like gone gone. I can’t even smell him.

“That is between me and Evan.”I hiss.

“Evan can’t stick up for himself.” Quentin says, shaking his head. “He doesn’t know how. “

“He seemed fine the other night!” I snarl.

“But he backed out! If it were me, I’d see you had a hundred of last nights to make up for- “

“What’s going on here??” A voice barks- killing Quire's quip.

We both stop, glancing over at Logan.

“Quire?”

“He hurt Evan.” He says in clipped words. “How do we know he’s not faking so he can do it again??”

“I was there when they pulled him out.” Logan growls. “I stopped them mid- torture session- it’s real. And if you had a problem with this- you should have come to me. Not him.”

“He’s a big boy.” Quire drawls. "He shouldn't be hiding behind daddy."

“He's not hiding- he’s sick.” Logan growls.

“Let me fight my own battles, Logan!” I interject.

Logan shakes his head. “No, no, no. You’re sick. You don’t know how to –“

“I was doing fine!”

“Quire- my office,” Logan growls. “Daken, go to the cafeteria. Betsy’s waiting for you to make sure you eat.”

“Logan-“

“No. I’mma have words with this kid… and you’re not going to be a part of it. Go eat.”

“Please let me-“

He puts a hand on my shoulder. “Go- son. You’re not able to handle this.”

“Run along Daken.” Quire says smugly. “I’m sure they’ve got a bottle ready for you. Maybe a nap?”

“Quire- stop it.” Logan growls. “If he jumps you- I might not pull him off.”

I disengage from Logan and start to walk off, seething.

“See you after your nap.” The kid calls from behind me. “Unless you need someone to rock you- then by all means-“

“You little shit!” I lunge at him, making him dive to the ground. We’re a tangle of limbs in a matter of seconds. “Fucking, little-“

Something happens in my head… like… someone’s opening up

Oh god no-

I start trying to pull away from him.. but he’s all over my mind already. And quickly- too. He’s moving faster than any telepath I’ve ever seen… It’s like any defenses I had dissolved all at once.

Who the fuck is this kid??

“Get out!” I yell at him, trying to peel his arm from around my neck.

“Ohhhh. These are nice.” He taunts. “Real or…” He stops midsentence. “Oh god.”

My mind is flooded with images… just image after image after image…. Blood and faces. And…

“Get off him!” Logan calls in the background.

‘you’re so fucking beautiful.’ Shifter in his Johnny form. ‘you remember who i am?’ Flash.

‘daken… you’ve failed again… you wouldn’t suffer if you could just grasp what i’m trying to teach you. get up infant. you don’t leave this room until you get it right.’ Master’s third lesson to me. How not to react to pain. Flash.

‘tense up.’ He pounds into me, claws twisted in my guts.. ‘like that… yes. just like that. now scream.’ He licks from my jaw to my ear. ‘scream for me.’ Flash.

“Daken- “

“God..”

‘disgusting little mongrel.’ He’s over me, displeased. ‘i was gone for five minutes. look at the mess you’ve made.’ Large black, clawed hands dig into my flesh, lifting me while shredding me. ‘maybe we should try that again… you have to eat after all… miss bitch’s orders.’ Flash.

‘don’t you dare try hiding from me!” He bellows, large form stalking down the hallway. ‘you fucking useless ingrate! come out... darling. come out now and we won’t have to see how pretty your insides are.’ Jaws distend… teeth gleam in the light… ‘ah. there we are.’

‘That’s enough of that.’ New voice. British accent. ‘Quire- get out of his head or so help me- you will suffer.’

The flashes stop.

Physically I’m laying side by side by the boy- who’s breathing harshly and looking at the ceiling.

“Quire of all the idiotic things your dumb ass could have done.” Logan berates. “You could have been killed!”

He says nothing, eyes still fixed on the ceiling.

His chest rises and falls in a fast, rabbit-like manner. 

I notice that he's got a 'handmade' shirt on under his uniform coat. Something denoting the authority of my father. If I weren't pissed as fuck at him, I'd like to ask where I could get one. 

Part of his 'faux punk', 'bad ass', 'too good for this shit' attitude. 

And don't get me started on his hair. 

I mean.... 

Not everyone can pull a mohawk off- but this punk is trying. 

All of this is easy to think right now. It's better than facing the problem at hand. And, on top of that, there's a chance that he's over hearing it. Which makes me happy. 

“Bets- listen-“

“Quire provoked Daken into attacking him.” The woman’s voice says outside of my head. “So he could ‘defend’ himself and enter Daken’s mind. Daken is at no fault… I do not think he intended to permanently injure Quentin.” She nudges the kid's shoulder with her black boot. “It’s more than he deserves after a stunt like that.”

“Quire?”

The boy whispers. “She’s right.”

“Why would you do that boy?” Logan sounds exasperated.

“Had to… for Evan.”

“What did you see?” Betsy asks. “I’m sure you’ll need to talk to someone about it.”

“Is that thing real?” He asks in a panicked tone, ignoring the woman.

“What thing?” Logan sighs. "God only knows what you saw."

“The black thing- is it coming after him??? He can’t stay here if that thing is chasing him!”

My heart sinks. He.. saw…

“Quire-“

“That THING cannot come here. It is evil.” He says quickly. “Please- if it’s coming after him- just give him to it!”

“That thing was a man.” Logan says carefully. “And he is dead.” He’s silent for a second. “And we never give up one of our own.”

“I felt like he could see me.” Quire gasps. “I felt like.. he was shredding me… he had claws… his fingers were claws… and his teeth- “

“You were in Daken’s head.” Betsy says in a guarded tone. “You probably felt the backlash of his emotions towards the scene you were viewing.”

“But he’s… is he.. Logan- “

“He’s dead.” Logan assures. “He’s not able to hurt anyone anymore.”

I feel sick again.

“Is that why you get sick so much?” He questions me. “He made you throw up when you were scared… and now you can’t stop?”

I just nod.

“…. You’re not faking.”

“You’re an asshole.” I counter, rising up into a seated position and putting a hand on my stomach. “Where I was raised- asshole children were punished.”

“..Yea.” Quire swallows. “I saw that.”

“If you go in my head again I will show you the worst, most horrifying thing I have to offer.” I say quietly.

“…Hey.” He’s still laying on the floor. “You didn’t stab me.”

I glare at him. “I’m not stabbing a kid for being stupid.”

He nods. “Evan… said you were different.”

“Just stay out of my head.” I warn.

“…. Can you tell me his real name? I feel like I want to know his real name… I’m not scared of something if it has a name.”

I stand to my feet, crossing my arms. “He didn’t have one.”

Quire remains on the floor. “Oh.”

“He’s dead.” Logan says again. “Both of you are not to worry about him. He’s dead.”

“Can I see his ashes?” I question into the dense silence.

Logan looks at me for a second. “Will that help?”

“…Yes.”

“He’s here???” Quire demands. “You’re keeping him here!?”

“He’s dead.” Logan growls. “It doesn’t matter where the ashes are kept- he’s dead.”

“Please show me.” I interrupt. “It’s important.”

Logan looks at his student and sighs. “Bets- take him to Hank. Make sure he’s okay.” He puts a hand on my shoulder. “Follow me.”

We’re in an agreeable dead silence as we walk to the elevator to the sub-basement.

This way- I know. I’ve been to see the remains several times… sometimes Johnny has to take time out in the day just to bring me here so I can see them. I spend hours looking at them. Testing the container… listening.

My head is spinning. I lost it… that kid… I should have guessed his motives. I knew he was a nosy telepath and I did nothing to protect myself.

In the subbasement, there’s a storage room down a hall to the right. Five doors from the elevator. Logan is the only one who can open the room.

He puts his hand on the green bio-scanner on the wall by the door, ushering me through as it beeps obnoxiously and opens.

The room doesn’t contain much. A few alien artifacts, some weird globe thing my father owns and a box.

The box is lined with the strongest metal my father could find- adamantium. From the cocoon that Reed broke him out of. He had a piece melted and shaped into a medium sized box. 

The box is finger print activated. It's alien tech... actually a lot like the things shifter used on his doors.  I strongly suspect that the tech was taken from the hole... several x-men inspected the rubble and several things went 'missing'. The box opens in Logan's hands- Inside is a plastic Tupperware container- just plastic. Nothing special. The lid is duct taped shut. It hasn't been opened since he was put in there. I've made sure of it. Up until a year ago, I guarded the box. Guarded it with my life. Went insane guarding it- actually. Logan came one day and 'relieved me of my duty'. He just took it. I fought him, I stabbed him, I screamed at him- he had one of his lackeys hold me down until the box was safely locked up.

Inside the plastic container is the real show.... a pile of ashes. Fine gray dust filling the entire bottom of the container.

“Here.” Logan hands me the container. “There he is.”

We never call him an ‘it’. In my mind, he’s still very much a ‘he’.

“Right where you left him.”

I test the boxes weight- like I always do. It’s a familiar heaviness I hold.

“Put some extra tape around the lid after your last visit.” Logan says quietly. “I know you got upset that there wasn’t more protection…. Around the lid.”

I nod. “He’s..”

“That’s all that’s left on him son. He can’t hurt you.”

I listen to the container- pulling it up to my ear.

“You won’t hear anything.. you won’t see anything. He’s stayed the same. Almost two years now… and he hasn’t moved.”

“He could be lying.” I feel the sudden urge to cry.

“Oh no- no Daken. He can’t do that.” Logan says gently.

But…

“I know you’re in there you fucking bastard!” I yell at the container, shaking it.

“Daken-“

“Come on! I’ll take your fucking head! I’ll,” The floor is getting closer. The container ends up resting on my knees as I slide to them.

“He’s dead.” Logan soothes, bending down and taking my shoulder in his hands. “He’s dead, Akihiro. He can’t hurt you anymore.”

“..But he is.”

“Just a memory.” Logan assures. “One day… one day it won’t hurt as much.”

I will always see my captor's face. I will always hear his voice.

I will always feel his skin against mine…

When I’m asleep. When I’m awake….

Just like Romulus. Always hearing his lessons. Always hearing his voice.

“He’s dead, son.” Logan says gently. “He can’t hurt you.”

I think the dead can hurt a great deal more than the living. I think… he’s more powerful in death than he ever was in life.

Logan pries the container from my hands. He puts it back in the box and locks it.

“He’s dead.” He says. “Repeat it. He’s dead.”

“He’s dead.” I repeat emotionlessly.

“He can’t hurt you.”

I can’t say it.

“He can’t hurt you.” Logan repeats.

I can’t… I can’t it’s a lie. It’s a lie they’re telling me to keep me complaint.

“Sometimes,” I answer instead, “In the dark, I wake up and and think that the last few years are a dream. I lay in bed and wait for him.”

Logan sighs, walking behind me and placing a hand on my shoulder again. “Just dreams- Daken.”

“I feel his hands on me….” I continue.

“Daken- “

“Johnny can’t tell me certain things.. because he said them first.”

“Shh, Daken. It’s alright now.”

I look down at the tiles on the floor. “That kid had no right.”

“He will be punished.” Logan assures. “Severely.”

“…How?”

Logan chuckles darkly. “I’m thinking on it. I’ll be sure it fits the crime.”

“…. Thank you.”

“Sure.” Logan says softly. “Anything to help.”


	10. Mattered

The school is sort of an enclosed environment all it’s own. The more I watch, the more I notice things. Things like who’s the strongest. Who’s a step away from being a full-fledged x-man, who probably couldn’t fight their way out of bag, and who’s probably going to try to be an x-man but fail terribly.

I’ve watched all of this from a table in the cafeteria, reading that Kree book I found the other day.

People either stare at me like I’m something to be pitied or something to be avoided.

Meaning that I can pretty much guess their budding stances on mental health related issues.

I’m also learning that some of the ‘staff’ aren’t really staff here.

Like Psylocke- for example. She’s on the other team… the one that took me down so long ago.

I don’t really know what broke the x-men up like this… It wasn’t my job to pay attention at the time. But.. it must have been something major.

“Daken.” It’s Quire. If I turn around- I’m going to stab him. So I keep my head in my book. He clears his throat- now standing behind me. “Logan said to give you this.”

“Whatever it is can wait.” I say coldly.

Quire makes a noise of annoyance. “Sure- whatever. It’s just your boyfriend calling. No big deal.”

I turn around a little faster than I should have in front of him. He’s holding the transmission receptor in his hand while it emits a bright white glow.

“Put it on the table.” I demand.

Quire nods, reaching over and gently placing it on the table before holding his hands skyward. “Look- I don’t know if your old man has talked to you… but- “

“Go away.” I dismiss.

“I’m trying to tell you something.” He hisses. “Logan said that ‘from now to the foreseeable future’ I’m to do anything you tell me to and ‘assist ‘ you in any way necessary.”

I need to answer this transmission. “That’s weird.” I dismiss again. “Go away.”

“Okay well can you tell him when he comes asking.. and we both know he’s going to come asking- that you sent me away?”

“Fuck off kid.” I growl, out of patience for him.

“Fine!” He snaps, actually stomping his foot. “Just give him the damn message- alright? God.” He storms out of the cafeteria leaving me just enough time to accept the transmission before Johnny has to call back.

The glass is fuzzy for a second before his face appears. “Hold on a second.” An awful screeching noise comes from the other side of the line. Johnny looks off to the side. “Just… squish it. Man.. just squish it.”

There’s more screeching. “With what???” A distressed Peter asks.

“Your hand? Your boot? Pick one!”

He looks back at me. “Hey.” He smiles. “What’s up?”

More screeching from off screen. “Peter- seriously.” Johnny calls over. “I’m not setting it on fire- it smells like shit when it burns.”

“…what are you two up to?” I ask, somewhat in amusement.

“The ship got some kind of infestation,” Johnny says with an eye roll. “Spider-crab looking thingies… they bite. And they scream.” The ‘spider-crab’ screeches again. It’s a horrible noise.

“And they stink when they burn?”

Johnny smiles. “You got it.”

“Where did you pick up an infestation?”

Peter groans in the background. “Don’t get him started.”

“Do get me started.” Johnny directs that to Peter off screen. “It was those fucking alien bastards! We’re in the docking bay- no spider-crabs. We leave the docking bay – spider-crabs. The only thing that changed was their ship landing beside us!”

“Johnny you did not get crabs from aliens!” He snickers after this.

Johnny groans. “You started this fight just to say that… didn’t you?”

“I would be lying if I said it wasn’t a perk.”

There’s some movement off camera before a giant crustacean is dropped in front of Johnny. “Spider-crab.” Peter announces.

It’s large and blue… tons of legs.. large, sharp claws in front that would make any earth crab jealous. Unlike earth crabs , this one has large, blue eyes. You can see dents in the shell from Peter's recent beating. 

“Nice.” Johnny says. “Real nice Peter. I really wanted to be covered in crab juice after I’ve already taken my daily shower.”

“I wanted to show Daken!” He defends, reaching over Johnny and picking up the claws. “Think it’s edible?”

Johnny hums to himself. “I don’t know… think it would taste better than that astronaut dehydrated shit?”

“Think it’s worth a shot.” Peter responds.

Johnny pushes the crab off of himself and onto the floor, smiling again. “So yea. To sum up my day- spider- crab infestation.” He grins. “How bout yours?”

“Child infestation.” I glance around the room. 

Johnny chuckles “Worst kind.”

“Tell me about it.” I roll my eyes.

“How are you doing?” He asks after a few seconds of silence.

“Great.” I lie, looking around the cafeteria at the people who won’t look back at me. “Everything’s fine.”

“Get my message?”

I nod. “Yea. I got it.”

“I don’t know how often we’ll get to actually talk..” He looks down for a second before glancing back up- almost shyly. “I thought I could send you one every day?”

“.. I’d like that.” I admit. 

That would be nice, honest. 

Sometimes he likes to text me when he's away. 

Simple things- nothing too 'lovey'. We keep our 'sappiness' limited to once or twice a month. Three times if pressed. 

Johnny says that there are three different levels of 'coupley'' ; cute, lovey, and sappy. 

Sappy puts me on edge... though admittedly it tends to be my favorite.

“Grrrroooossss.” Peter gags from the background.

“Why is he- “ I stop asking Johnny and instead direct my statement to Peter. “Why are you there?” I demand.

“I,” He sticks his head back in the screen, “Am your beloved’s roommate… .and there’s nowhere else for me to go.”

“Then sit quietly.” I order.

“Okay, Mr. bossy.” He snorts. “Shutting up over here in the corner… with my barf bag.”

“Thank you.” Johnny laughs. “That would be the best thing you’ve done all day.”

“Am I allowed to respond to that?” Peter calls to me.

“No.”

“Heh.” Johnny smiles brilliantly, but I notice something a little off…

“What’s on your face?”

“My face?”

“On the left… on your cheek.”

It’s something red… Something that looks suspiciously like blood.

“Ah, shit.” He groans. “Alien blood.”

“Alien blood? Someone bled?” I sound a lot more nervous than I intended.

“It wasn’t from our side.” Johnny says quickly. “Some guy who was standing beside me got sniped. I think it was an accident.”

“Then that means one of you was supposed to be sniped.” I say.

“Yea.” He nods. “I’m sorry honey, I thought I’d cleaned it off…”

“What kind of protection do you have?” I demand.

“Honey- “

“Who’s on security detail? Do you have enforcers…”

“We’re doing the best we can.” Johnny interrupts. “It’s a little risky for everyone right now.”

“A little…” I stop and exhale. “A ‘little’ risky??? The person beside you lost their head today!”

“Hey, hey.” Johnny soothes. “Listen- I’m not on the front line that often…. Trust me. I’m not in danger from a gun.” He smiles. “I got more beat up by spider-crabs than anything else today.”

The people in the cafeteria look a little more interested in my conversation since my outburst.

“Be careful.” I say a little breathlessly. “Please.”

“Alright.” He says gently. “I promise to be careful.”

We’re quiet for a second.

“You want to talk about last night?” He asks.

“You’re not alone.” I say pointedly.

“Ah… Peter?” Johnny looks behind him. 

Dimly in the light of his receptor, I can see the outline of two beds, both bolted to the walls. Peter's form is slumped on the far left bed as he shoots webbing at the ceiling. 

“Yea?”

“Headphones.”

There’s grumbling. “Really??”

“I did it for you this morning- you do it for me now.”

“.. Come on- man. They’re all the way across the room.”

Johnny groans, looking up at the ceiling. “I literally stayed in the room with headphones on while you transmission sexed your girlfriend! This is important- Headphones!

“Fine.” Peter says quickly. “Fine. I’ll put on the headphones.”

Everyone is quiet while Peter walks across the screen in the background and digs in a bag propped against Johnny's bed.

“Completely blocks out sound.” Johnny assures. “He won’t hear shit.”

“Let me know when you’re done.” Peter orders. “Don’t leave me sitting there.”

"Will the music be loud enough?" 

Johnny shakes his head. "They don't play music." 

"Podcasts?" 

"Nope." He smiles. "No podcasts." 

“.. They don’t play anything?” I'm curious. 

"Yep.” Johnny answers. “It’s complete silence…. It’s for helping you sleep up here.”

“Is space noisy?” 

Space is supposed to be silent- right? 

Why would they need headphones for blocking out noise in space?

“The ship is noisy.” He corrects. “I’m told space is actually really quiet.” He smiles at me before looking down. “So about last night…?”

“It wasn’t anything special.”

I just thought my rapist/torturer had come back to life and was attempting to harm me, broke my ribs, and puked all over my father's bedroom. Nothing special.Nothing worth digging into. 

I shouldn't bother Johnny with this. He doesn't deserve that. He's all the way in space... I need to keep him from stressing about the homestead. It's bad enough that Logan talked to him right after it happened last night. Who knows how he chose to  paint the scene for him.

“Better or worse than last weekend?” Johnny asks quietly.

I think about it. “Which last weekend? Last weekend where I trashed your car or….”

“When we had sex.” He says bluntly. “Last weekend during sex.”  
  
Last weekend was bad- yea. But it doesn't hold a candle to last night. 

“…Worse.” I say quietly. "It was worse." I find it hard to look at him. 

“Did they talk you down?” He asks gently.

“No… they said they couldn’t get me.”

"Look at me." He prompts. "Please." 

I make myself stare into the camera that so well hidden on this receptor.

He’s staring at me so softly… like he wants nothing more than to be here with me. “I’m sorry…. Did Logan let you see the ashes?”

I nod. “Yea… we did that this morning.”

“Good.” He nods. “Did it help?”

I’m deciding whether or not to lie to him.

“Hey,” He says gently. “Don’t do that… that look on your face means you’re going to lie and you’ve already done it once while we’ve talking- so don’t- okay?”

“When did I lie to you?” I demand , trying to hide my disappointment that he caught me doing so.

“When you said you were ‘great’.” He grins. “You lied.”

“…. No. It didn’t help.” I say instead of addressing the lying issue. 

“Then Logan talked you down again?” He presses. "Gently?" 

I shake my head. “I sent him away. He was hovering.”

“Why was he hovering?”

I sigh deeply. “Got into a fight with his punk ass telepath.”

“Ah. The ..” He stops to think. “Kid Omega- right. Quin… Quint- “

“Quire.” I answer. “Fucker was good.”

“Yea?” He glances at the space around me, checking for listeners nearby I think. “Did he get anything?”

“Yea.” I respond. “Yea, he did.”

“Ah. I’m sorry- “

“He nearly shit himself.”

“Can I ask what he saw?” He asks gently.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“That’s fine… I-“

There’s a loud banging in the background. “Johnny-“ Sue’s voice is loud even through the door. “You and Peter need to suit up- now.”

“Okay!” he calls. “Damnit.” He hisses. “I gotta go, babe.”

“Everything alright?”

He grins. “Probably just more space crabs. Don’t worry about it.” He puts a finger on the camera as he grabs his transmitter. “I love you. I’ll send that message for you tonight… it’ll be late so you probably won’t get it until tomorrow.”

“Alright.”

“I’ll talk to you soon.”

“I love you.”

He gets an excited look on his face. “Can I say it? Since I’m in space… please??”

I know exactly what he’s talking about and I groan. “Really?”

“Please- I’ll never get to do it again… please.” He begs.

“Fine.” I groan. “You man-child.”

He smiles ear to ear. “Give me the line.” He makes excited motions with his hand. “From the top.”

“I love you.” I say flatly.

He pulls a serious expression. “I know.” And then breaks into a grin. “My life is complete. I quoted Star Wars in space.” He smiles so beautifully. “Seriously, though- love you, have to go and will talk to you tomorrow.”

“Bye.”

He ends the transmission and I watch the glass in my hand turn clear again.

I try to go back to my book.. but it’s just not interesting at the moment. I feel hyped up after having seen him and could use a way to talk myself down.

Like.. a run. Or some weight lifting.. or sparring.

Or-

“Look- He sent me back.” Quire says, walking into the room with his hand held in the air as if to ward off my oncoming complaint. “He pulled me out of class and he sent me back.”

This could work.

“Really.” I have to admire Logan’s commitment to making this kid miserable… I thought he only worked this hard for my misery.

“Right. So if I’m to be your errand boy… what would you have of me?”

“You have to do whatever I say?” I question.

“Within reason.” He growls.

“And what constitutes as reasonable?” I growl back.

He actually gulps. “Nothing that will cause bodily harm?”

“Acceptable I suppose.” I stand up from the table. “Take that plate to the trash can.” I point to a plate down the long table.

He raises an eyebrow. “That’s it? That’s your order? You’re psyching me out- aren’t you? You’re trying to get in my head.” He snorts. “You can’t get in my head- I am a master telepath. You can’t play games with a master.”

I raise an eyebrow. “Trash can?”

“I know your game.” He says quietly, taking the paper plate from the table and walking it across the room. “Done.” He says from the trash cans.

As he’s walking back, the owner of that plate steps back to the table- a large... glob like boy. As in pink, gelatin-like large boy with visible organs.

“What the hell Quire?” He demands. “Did I look like I needed my table cleared?”

“I..” Quire looks at me. “You…”

“You shouldn’t be so mean to your classmates.” I chide. “They’re supposed to have your back on the field.”

“Glob-“ He starts.

“Save it, Quire.” The bigger.. much much bigger… boy says. “That was bullshit. You’re so childish.”

“You should apologize.” I say in a stage whisper. 

“You know what- you should.” ‘Glob’ agrees.

Perfect. Just perfect. 

“I’m sorry.” Quire says- sounding like we’re torturing him in the most exquisite way.

“For what?” I ask. “You should make your apology sincere.”

“For throwing your plate away, Glob.”

“I think he said something about you being childish?” I cross my arms over my chest. “If I’m remembering correctly.” Glob stares down at the pink haired punk. “Well?”

“I’m sorry for being childish and throwing your plate away.”

Glob eyes him. “Yea okay I guess.”

“Go get him another plate.” I order.

I can see Quire seething as he walks across the cafeteria.

“Prick.” Glob says to his retreating form. He eyes me over for second. “Oh my god- you’re,” He stops. “Sorry. Probably shouldn’t be.. standing so near you…”

“What?” That one shocks me.

“Oh… it’s ah,” The large gelatinous boy stumbles over his words. “Well… ya know.” He shrugs. “You.. need your space.” He smiles- and it’s disturbing. “Probably wouldn’t want me too close to you… seeing as I’m… ya know.”

“Seeing as your what?” I demand.

“Ya know.” He says in a low whisper.

“No, I don’t.” I growl. “Why aren’t you allowed near me?”

“A monster.” He says quietly, leaning into me like it’s only meant for my ears. “I look like a big monster.”

I.. didn’t know what I was expecting. I… don’t really know how to respond.

“Ah…”

“Yea? I’m sorry. I’ll go-“

“You’re.. You’re not a-“ I stop. “I’m not scared of you.” I settle for. “You’re nothing like...” I stop, looking at Quire. “Where did you hear that I didn’t like monsters?”

He looks at Quire too. “Well.. Quinten was in your head and he said something about you being attacked by a- “

I storm away from him, over to where my ‘assistant’ is piling up Glob’s tray.

“Yes?” He asks in annoyance.

“Who the fuck gave you permission to tell other people what you saw in my head!?” I demand.

“I,” He turns around and licks his lips. “Oh.. well… Ah…”

“You think that’s funny? You think I like people knowing these things?”

“Well,” He drops the tray on the counter. “Well.. now.. I didn’t exactly tell him what happened- you know. I was kind of freaked out by what I saw.. and I may have mentioned something in passing-“

“Oh sure, sure.” I seethe. “And how many people did you mention this to ‘in passing’?”

“Just the older kids who were around me.” He’s actually blushing. “I didn’t think they were stupid enough to say anything to you- “

“Oh so it’s okay if they say it behind my back??”

“No- no.” He says quickly. “Of course not! It’s.. I mean.. look-“ He tries again. “I was just scared.. when I’m scared I like to talk it out.”

“A wonderful trait for an x-man,” I growl. “I’m sure your future teammates will really applaud you for it.”

“I thought.. after I saw Shifter-“

“What did you just say?” I growl, grabbing the front of his shirt and pulling him close.

“That’s.. his name.” He says warily. “No need to get touchy- ‘kay? Put me down.”

“I didn’t tell you his name.” I snarl.

“Logan!” The boy yelps. “Logan- please- “

I don’t know what he’s talking about until there’s a hand on my shoulder. “Let him go.” My father says in an even tone. “I know he’s annoying as sin- but let him go.”

I drop him as if I’d been burned.

“Quire.” Logan says. “What did you do?”

“Nothing! He’s got a problem with freedom of speech!”

“He’s telling all his little buddies information that they have no business knowing!” I yell.

Quire takes a step back.

“Easy-“

“No! I will not calm down! I will not take it easy! This boy has no respect for- “

“Daken- please.”

Quire is shaking… his eyes are tearing up.

“Are you angry or sad?” Logan says quietly.

“What?” I feel so ridiculous.

“You’re about to make him cry.” Logan notes. “If it makes you feel better- go for it. But keep an eye on what mood you’re in.”

“I don’t know what this is.” Quire hiccups. “But I don’t like it.”

“He’s controlling your emotions.” Logan says dismissively. “Be quiet or it will get worse.”

“You can’t let him do that.” Quire is crying more freely now.

“Don’t make him experience your emotions- Daken.” Logan says calmly. “He doesn’t know how to process them…. You’re confusing him.”

I sigh, reigning some of the power that’s rushing off of me. Quire wipes his eyes. “I’m sorry.” He says quietly.

“They’re all… Damn it-“ I put my hands on my head, “Logan-“

“Easy.”

“I can’t stay here. Everyone knows.. . all these people… all these..” I take a shallow breath, “All these fucking people.”

“A lot of people know about this Daken.” Logan soothes. “There are medical journals about you, there’s rumors, news about your rescue, videos about how you got sick- “ He counts all of these out on his fingers.

“Please… they can’t know this.. all these people looking at me-“ I feel sick to my stomach, “Like I’m someone’s little victim.”

“You’re not a victim.”

“Like it just happened! Like I’m unclean! I didn’t ask for this! It doesn’t make me less of a person!”

“Of course it doesn’t.” He holds his hands up. “Son, it’s not like that at all.”

“And your fucking students…”

“I’ll talk to them.” Logan assures. “No one is going to bother you with this. Okay? Are you good?”

“No. We’re not good. They talk about me behind my back-“ I look around the gray room, glancing from the hot trays of food to the windows and then down to the tiles. “They stare at me.”

“You’re a big deal.” Logan admits. “Give it a few days- they’ll get used to you.”

I don’t know what else to do… I have to leave.

“Stop crying asshole.” I growl, pushing past Quire and going back to the stunned gelatin boy. “You’re not a monster.” I say in clipped words. “Don’t let assholes make you something you aren’t.”

That’s a bit of advice that thinking back to it came from Logan himself. Back when I was in the Baxter Building… strapped to that bed. When he heard me fighting with Shifter over his over usage of the word ‘mongrel’. Kind of a pet name for him really.

I grab the book off the table and storm off to my room. Students whisper and stare as I pass.

“Is he.. freaking out?” Someone says quietly.

“Where’s Logan?” Someone else adds in.

“He’s… oh god- is he crying?”

“Stop it!” I yell at them. “Get out of here! Don’t fucking stare at me!”

“Hey there…” A voice calls from behind me. “Easy mon’ ami.” It’s the Cajun. “You kids go back to class.” He says to the students. “Let’s give Daken some breathin’ room.”

“Remy- I’m not in the mood.”

“You in a mood alright.” He whistles. “Where’s your ol’ man?”

“… In the cafeteria.”

“Ya? Why don’t-“

“I just came from there.” I cut him off. “I don’t want to go back.”

“How about we get you some tissue then..” he offers. “You’re cryin’ pretty hard.”

“I just want this to be over.” I admit.

“I know- homme. It must be drainin’.”

I feel somewhat.. stabilized. Like…

“You feelin’ better now.” He says. “Right? Feelin’ a little more stable?”

“How…are you-“

“Lil’ bit charm.” He smiles “Kinda like empathy….”

“You influence others….”

“Nothin’ like what you do…. Not sayin’ dat Quire didn’t deserve it.” Remy puts a hand on my shoulder. “Where ya goin’?”

“I.. Uh- “

“I’ll walk you there.” he offers.

“I…” I think for a second. “Damn. I left the receptor in the cafeteria.”

“To the cafeteria then?” He offers.

We walk in silence as the halls slowly return to normal.

Going back into the spacious cafeteria feels wrong. Logan’s still standing there with Quire by the food, sternly talking to him in a heated, but hushed, voice.

The Glob boy is seated at the table I was at.

He looks up when I come closer. “I was going to come find you.” He says with a full mouth. “You left your thingy.”

I pick it up off the table. “Thank you anyway.”

He nods but looks like he wants to say something else. “Hey..” He says as I’m turning away. “.. . uh.. thanks.”

“For…?”

“Not being scared of me. I was really dreading having to avoid you….”

I try not to stiffen too much- at least visibly.

Gambit looks between us. “I’ll let you find your own way back- oui?”

Me and the teenager sit in tense silence.

“You’re not exactly frightening- you know.” I respond to his comment. “Nothing I’d consider monstrous.”

“Are you kidding?” He snorts.

“The biggest monster I know looked fairly normal.” I admit.

“Was he big?”

“He was.”

“…Did he have skin?”

“His enemies thought it was unbreakable.” I relay, thinking back to stories from my child hood.

“…Wow. Was it?”

I smile in memory. “No, it wasn’t. He bled.”

“And his face?” He looks enraptured by what I’m telling him.

“Not the prettiest… but not monstrous.”

I glance around the room, noticing that Logan’s posture has changed.

“… If he had skin… and normal features… how was he a monster?”

“He was more of a monster than you could ever be.” I assure. “Explaining it would take days.”

“…. Like….”

“You wouldn’t get any comparisons. Certain people refused to even say his name.”

“Whoa.” He sounds awe-stricken. “Like Voldemort?”

“Like…”

He shakes his head. “Harry Potter bad guy.” He says quickly. “I guess, hah, you haven’t read those.”

I shake my head. “Nope.”

Receptor in hand and a record of scaring one child, helping another, and then yelling at a couple fifteen more- I turn to leave.

“Hold on.” Logan stops me. “You’re going to see Hank- alright?”

“Logan-“

He puts a hand up. “We’re just gonna administer the extra pills- like the doc said.”

Extra…

Right. There’s a new pill.

“Fine.”

Glob nods and goes back to eating.

Logan looks at him questioningly. “Aren’t you supposed to be in-“

“I got kicked out.” The kid says quietly. “Storm said I was ‘inappropriate’.”

Logan actually chuckles. “Watch that. This is what- the fifth time this month?”

“Sixth.” Glob corrects.

Logan nods, pushing me past him. “Watch it Glob.”

“Yes professor.”

We pass through the halls in silence for a few seconds. “Ya know…” he drawls. “You’re not exactly bad with kids… when you’re not threatening them, making them cry, and yelling at them- that is.”

“Why did you send Quire back to me?” I sigh.

Logan looks at me quizzically. “He didn’t tell you?”

“Oh- he did.” I confirm, stopping my walk of somewhat shame. “I want to know why.”

Logan smirks. “I thought you could punish him in a better way than I could…. I didn’t expect the kid to screw it up so quickly.”

“You trusted me not to gut him.” I say, looking around the spacious hallway. Light fixtures on the walls, long red and yellow carpet in the hallway… it looks like remnant so some kind of mansion’s interior.

“I did.” Logan shifts his weight from one foot to the other.

“But you knew to come in after him.”

He snorts. “Kid’s been screaming in my head since you started getting upset with him… complaining about the thing with Glob before that- too.”

 “Does he do that often?”

Logan puts a hand on my shoulder, nudging me forward. “Invade other people’s heads? Yea. He does. Chuck really could have straightened him out if he’d had more time.”

“What about your telepaths?” I question, watching the wooden paneling on the walls go by. “Can they straighten him out?”

“Rachel is easier on him than Betsy.. but Betsy’s not really involved with the school.. so she can be a little rougher than necessary.”

I roll my eyes. “Can’t you expel him?”

“You think Quire has somewhere to go?” He asks honestly. “You’ve seen him. You see what he can do…. Kid was considered a fucking terrorist…” Logan sighs. “No. He doesn’t have a place to go.”

We’re walking again. “You could.. farm him off onto someone else.” I offer.

Logan snorts. “I see you’re enjoying his charms as much as everyone else does. That’s a normal reaction. It will wear off. He’s a punk. But he’s not entirely bad.”

I look up and realize we’re outside my room. “I thought we were going to Hank.”

“Rachel said he was up here.. you wait here.”

He leaves me at my door and goes a few down, knocking and then waiting for the doctor to come out in quick strides. “I’m sorry, I had to look at the list again. I was afraid I’d mixed up the dosages.”

He hands a pill bottle to Logan. “She said what… two or three?”

“To be decided.” Logan says. He looks at me. “Two meltdowns in one hour… I’d say that’s a two.”

“Might be three…” Hank mutters.

“Don’t really want to drug him up too badly….” Logan says thoughtfully.

“I’m not supposing I get a say in this?” I interject.

The two men look at me and then back at each other.

“It’s some nerve pills… spliced with a bit of a sedative.” Logan says after some thought. “10 goes a long way…. I think we should start with two. If he get’s too upset- we give him the other one.”

“Agreed.” Hank says with a nod.

Logan shakes out the desired amount and passes them over.

“Can I have some water?” I ask, a little annoyed that he doesn’t know to have these things ready… not like Johnny. No one does this as well as Johnny does.

“Right.” Logan goes into his room and picks up the cup from last night. “Here.” He says when he’s back in front of me.

I put the pills on my tongue, sneering when I taste them.

“Oh yes.” Hank says. “I forgot to warn you of the after taste.”

I swallow down a good bit of water- trying to get the taste out of my mouth.

“Let me see.” Logan instructs.

“Please- I don’t like this part.” I interject.

“I don’t either.. let me see.”

I open my mouth and shut it quickly.

“Daken…” He warns. "Open up." 

I turn my head to the side. 

"Daken." He repeats. "Let me see." 

I don't know why this is such a big deal at the moment. 

"Come on." He stares at me. "Open up. Let me see." 

“With all that water he drank- there’s no possible way he’s hiding it anywhere, Logan.” Hank interjects calmly. “Let him have this one.”

“Alright.” Logan says. “Alright. Next time you let me check, though.”

“I’ll think about it.” I say honestly.

Logan shakes his head. “You don’t do this with Johnny- do you?”

“Johnny has tricks.” I say.

“Tricks?”

“Tricks.” I nod.

Logan looks at Hank and then back at me. “Any chance you’d be willing to elaborate?”

“Am I being put in my room?”

Logan glances me over. “Yes.” He says finally. 

“Then no.”

He actually smiles. “Go sit in your room until those pills set in.” He hands me my book. “Please.” He adds.

Fine. I feel a little…

“How fast do these pills work?”

“Surely not this fast.” Hank says thoughtfully.

“That’s in your head.” Logan says. “You’re probably just tired… you pumped out a hell of a lot of pheromones in there with Quire.”

“I’m not…” I stop. “Why does everyone think I’m tired… does being crazy put a great tax on the body?”

“I’m sorry… but it’s worse if you’re tired.”

“When you don’t know what to do with me- you send me to bed. Like a child.”

“I’m not sending you to bed.” Logan corrects. “I’m sending you to your room. There’s a difference.”

“Ah. I see.”

He opens my door. “In your room. Forty-five minutes. Sleep or don’t – it’s up to you.”

“Thanks for the choice.” I grouse.

“Anytime.” He snorts. “I’d say.. sleep tight.. but- “

“I won't be sleeping.” I assure.

Logan nods. “Stay awake then… just stay in your room.”

He closes my door behind me.. I stand there and wait for a click.. but then remember that it doesn’t have a lock. He’s trusting on good faith that I’ll stay here.

…. Being my usual self I store this knowledge away for a later date. Might as well be in the system until I know how to work it.

If Logan thinks he’s going to force me into the good little patient role… he’s mistaken.

Three weeks until I am back where I belong, though- just three. But after these first few days- I feel like that goal is next to impossible.

I need Johnny back… it’s like he took a part of me with him. I’m not functioning well without it.  
He’s… my bearing. When things are too much- he shoulders some of it for me. It’s a connection I’ve not had with anyone else in the entire history of my life.

I love him. I need him.

…. And I’m worried for him.

He’s just too far away… if something were to happen- No. That’s a realm of thought that I’m just not capable of diving into. Not today- anyway.

I take the receptor and put it on the side table… even though I know he’s probably not sent it yet; I check the screen away. I tell myself it won’t be there.. but I’m still disappointed when it’s not.

Not knowing what else to do, I take the book and sit on the bed.

Not sleeping- just sitting. Technically I’m not doing what Logan said.

Technically I don’t have to…

I still have some control.

I can still…

I look around me. Where I am. The situation I’m in.

Who am I kidding? This is hopeless.  
Until Johnny comes back… I’m just.. here. In a suspended state of animation.

Like a god damn damsel in distress…

And god if the ‘knight’ doesn’t come soon, I’m just going to say ‘fuck it’ and feed my own damn self to the fucking dragon.

That… that didn’t make sense.

My thoughts are kind of …jumbled.

‘babbling like a lunatic.’ Master sneers. “in your own head. do you know how ridiculously taxing it is to listen to you?’

That should set the tone for the next thirty minutes.

‘or longer.’

Or longer.


	11. Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.. reaching in there for this one- but Doop is actually one of my favorite throw away characters of all time. I loved that he was in Wolverine and the X-men.. and I've yet to be able to incorporate him into a story... so here goes. 
> 
> Something a little lighter before I inevitably turn my heart off and decimate everything I know and love. ;) 
> 
> Thanks for reading!

“Hey.” My father says in a gruff voice as he knocks on the door. “It’s time to eat… are you decent?”

I roll over on the bed and try to look for a clock. I’m not surprised yet highly annoyed when I don’t find one.

“Don’t come in.” I groan sleepily. As for being decent… I’m about eighty percent sure I’m naked. The covers are pretty heavy... but I’m decently sure those are my clothes on the floor… and I don’t really remember taking them off.

“Alright… “he drawls. “But it’s dinner time… you need to come out.”

It’s a bit darker outside the curtains in the window... It was about three when I came in here… he was only going to leave me for-

Fuck. I fell asleep.

All that bitching.. and I fell asleep.

Logan is just going to love that.

I stumble out of the bed and start fumbling around for a shirt.

Fucking Johnny unpacked all of my clothes and put them in the dresser… which is normal- I suppose. Only when I stay with Logan I refuse to unpack my things. I leave them in the bag for however long I’m going to be here…. I think it gives me the power of telling him that I am not here by choice.

… But Johnny unpacked the bags. Which means the clothes are in the fucking dresser.

“Just a second.” I need to make sure I look as awake as possible. My foot get’s tangled in the sheet I’ve pulled off of the bed whilst rolling out of it.

“Just waking up?” He asks smugly from the other side.

“No.” I growl, untangling myself with a series of what I hope are nonaudible grunts.

How the fuck did I get this knot around my ankle???

Oh fuck this. I extend my claws in my right hand and shred the sheets. They’re not mine- what do I care?

“… You alright in there?” He questions. “Need me to come in?”

“No!” I snap.

I yank a drawer in the dresser so hard it slides all the way out. “Fuck!”

“Daken…” The doorknob starts to turn

“Don’t!” I yell. “Don’t come in!”

“What are you doing in there?”

I ignore him while trying to put the drawer back on its track… it’s not working… why the hell am I so clumsy suddenly?

I finally jam the drawer back and pull out some clothing. Pulling them on and walking to the door while trying to play the whole thing off.

“Were you sleeping?” He teases. “Because you said you wouldn’t be asleep…. I’d hate to wake you.”

“I was not sleeping.” I growl, bending down and pulling on some discarded socks.

Logan noticed I was barefooted earlier today… he told me to try to remember shoes. Like I had done it on accident. Fuck him. I will not show this place any more respect-

“Daken...” He chuckles. “I came by two hours ago- you were asleep. No shame in admitting I was right. “

Two… two hours ago? “What happened to ‘forty-five minutes’?” I grouse, straitening back up and looking for shoes.

Logan full out laughs. “I came by after forty-five minutes…. you were sleeping- like I said. Passed the hell out… kinda peaceful like.” He teases.

I grimace at the thought of him being right- yet again- and lace on my shoes, walking in short strides and stopping just short of the door.

“Not another word about me sleeping.” I growl, opening the door.  
He’s standing there slightly more dressed up than when I last saw him…. and not looking so much like a teacher. “Going somewhere?”

He shakes his head. “Not really.” Logan looks me over. “You’re in jeans.” He says in observation.

“Is that okay with you or do I need to change back?” I spit at him.

He nods. “Whatever keeps you entertained…. Did you sleep in them, though? That can’t be comfortable.”

“…. Why do you care?” I grouse. “Do I need to check my clothing with you now? You want to inspect me before I leave my room every morning?”

Logan chuckles. “Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.”

“…Shut up!” I demand. “I wasn’t sleeping.”

“Yea – okay. You snore when you’re awake?”

“I don’t snore.” I say indignantly.

“Sure you don’t…” He teases. “You done fighting with me yet… or do we need to stand here for another thirty minutes? Because I’ve got people waiting for me. If you’re going to make me late we should at least tell them.”

“We’re fine.” I sneer.

He laughs again. “Those pills make you grumpy… you know that?”

I flip him off and push past him.

We walk in silence, but there’s no tension… not like there should be after me repeatedly trying to bait him. Logan seems to be in a generally pleasant mood… something I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed before this moment. He puts his hands in his pockets, taking the stairs with a weird sort of ease… he looks.. happy. That’s what this is. He’s happy about something.

Why do I feel like my mission is now to destroy that?

…Because I’m a basket case. I have to remind myself that I don’t hate Logan. I don’t hate him.. I was conditioned to hate him.. but I don’t anymore. Because I am denying my conditioning and trying to be reasonable…

“Logan.” Ororo greets from the bottom of the stairs, smiling brilliantly. She’s dressed like… a goddess. That’s the only way to explain it. A dress that compliments are skin tone perfectly... drapes perfectly…

How the hell does my father attract these women?

I’m ninety percent sure that he has pheromone powers of his own…

 He kisses her briefly. “Hey, darlin’.”

 “Daken.” She says cheerfully when they break apart. “Will you be joining us for dinner?”

Right. Good mood explained. Breathe.

I don’t care who he dates. It’s none of my business.

“I guess.” I try to keep the sulkiness out of my voice.

She puts a hand on my shoulder… and it takes a lot of energy not to take that hand and break its lovely little fingers. “Wonderful.” Her voice- I admit begrudgingly- his melodic and calming. “I’m not sure what is being served… but I’ve been informed that Doop is not cooking it… so it’s bound to be somewhat healthy.” She smiles warmly. “I thought with your diet in mind- you’d be happy to hear that…. I know your last few meals have been less than pleasing.”

I think carefully about what she’s just said- trying to figure if A ‘Doop’ is something I should know about. “What’s a Doop?” I firmly decide that if it’s cooking my meals... I should be informed of its existence.

Logan chuckles. “Not ‘a Doop’. Just Doop. He’s a ‘who’- not a ‘what’.”

“Then who’s Doop?” I growl. I don’t like being corrected… in fact, I hate it almost as much as not knowing things. It seems for this conversation the two feelings will go hand in hand.

“Doop’s….” He looks at Ororo, who in turn shrugs. “Doop.” He says finally. “Floating green jelly bean looking guy. Speaks a language you probably wouldn’t understand.”

“It’s not hard to pick up.” Storm interjects. “We all understand him perfectly.”

Logan nods. “He’s hilarious.” He says. “Definitely makes learning his language worth it.”

“He’s filthy.” Ororo corrects with a smile.

“That too.” Logan affirms.

“And he cooks?” I ask, falling into line behind them as they start to walk down the hall towards the cafeteria.

“Sometimes.” Ororo says, taking her hand and putting it on my father’s arm. The sight makes my skin crawl. She notices me looking and smiles a little. Almost looking shy. “How are you feeling? Did you have a good rest?”

Number one question on everyone’s mind…

“Great.” I growl. “It was wonderful.”

She nods. “Should you require anything during the school days- my only class this week is in the morning… I’ll be more than happy to assist you during the day.”

“…Thanks.” I grumble, mad that she didn’t take my bait...

“The hell is that smell?” Logan interrupts my brooding just as we reach the cafeteria entrance.

Taking a second to scent the air, I can’t help but gag. “That’s disgusting.” It smells like trash… trash and rot.

“Smells like trash.” He lets go of Storm and walks ahead into the cafeteria- where students are quickly leaving in droves. “God damn it.” He curses.

Ororo Sighs. “I know that tone.”

I look at her with a raised eyebrow.

“That’s the ‘Bamfs are into something’ tone.” She informs. “And it smells like trash… so I’m guessing they’ve moved the dumpster again.”

We enter the room only to see three giant green dumpsters pushed up against the far wall- by the windows. Any hope for dissipating the awful stench is now shot… almost like it was planned.

“Why the fuck is it trash here lately?” He demands, turning around to her. “Four times- four times they’ve done this shit.”

Who’s ‘they’?

“Your guess is as good as mine, Logan. Who knows why they do what they do.”

Logan growls, “Someone better figure it out. I want these bastards out of here.” He looks back to the dumpsters. “But why trash? Why the sudden fascination?”

Storm shrugs. “You did yell at them to find something to do that didn’t involve stealing your whiskey…”

Logan eyes her angrily. “Right, ‘Ro. Take the rat’s side.”

She smiles. “Just.. grab one and have it take the dumpsters back.” She stares at him with a look I don’t quite understand. “Grab nicely- Might I add. If you scare them off, then you’ll have to track down another batch.”

In the other side of the room where the counter with the food is set out, there are these small, blue, gremlin-like creatures running on the floor and counter. Taking food, sticking their oddly shaped hands in things, and fighting with each other.

I’m guessing these are ‘bamfs’. I’ve never actually interacted with one… but I’ve heard and smelt them around the school over the last few days.

Johnny even had a bite from one. He says he didn’t see it and almost sat on it. He tried to apologize- but it nailed his hand with its pointed teeth.

“Right.” Logan growls “Come here you little bastards.” He orders in something that doesn’t exactly sound like a kind tone.

The ‘bamfs’ stop what they’re doing and stare at him… yellow eyes all blinking and confused.

“Get these dumpsters out of here!” He points to them. “Put them back where they go.”

Kind is out the window apparently. He won’t take Ororo’s advice. Not that I’m surprised.

One of the creatures says a slightly confused, ‘bamf?’

“Well?” He demands, crossing his arms. “Move the dumpsters!”

When he raises his voice, the creatures scatter- disappearing into puffs of sulfuric smoke.

“Great job, Logan.” I applaud. “You chased your rats off.”

He glares at me. “Call…” He stops. “Oh. She’s uh,” He stops, looking down. “Not here anymore.”

He looks distraught for a second… making me slightly jealous that I wasn’t responsible for ruining his good mood.

Storm looks sad. “I’ll try calling someone else… maybe a…”

“Who? Who do we have?” He asks, not exactly sad anymore.

“I don’t know.” Storm says honestly. “We need someone to phase or warp the material….”

“Warp – huh?” He smiles. “I think I know just the person.”

“OH?”

He nods. “Lorna and Wanda are in the city today… not too far off from here.”

Storm sighs. “You’re going to call them in to help you move a dumpster?”

“No,” He corrects, “I’m calling them in to help move THREE dumpsters. One is fine… three is excessive.”

Storm skeptically follows her his statement with, “I suppose you want me to feed the children…”

He raises an eyebrow. “Order out.”

“For an entire school?” I muse. “Impossible.”

“Yea.. do,” He stops, thinking. “Look- call different places. Do some Chinese, do some pizza, do anything delivered and get as much as you can. If you need anything else send one of the older kids to a drive thru.”

“That’s ridiculous.” Storm says around a chuckle. “No one is going to prepare that much food.”

“Uh…”

There’s an odd smell that filters over the trash… almost like… I don’t know. Something greasy and unpleasant. The thing- that is a thing- emitting it takes me back. I stare at it… and don’t know what I’m seeing.

I look to Logan- who doesn’t seem particularly disturbed.

He notes the creature and says nothing… Eyeing it for a second before taking his eyes back to Storm.

Storm also says nothing- the two of them carrying on a conversation like this is normal.

“What is that?” I break into their conversation. “That thing over there?”

There’s small green blob floating- floating- through the air in the cafeteria. It blinks its rather large eyes and makes it way over to us, waving a hand lazily through the air.

“Doop.” Logan says in a way that makes it sound like he’s happy to see the blob. “Doop can do it!’ He sounds relieved.

The alien makes the oddest string of noises I think I will ever hear.

“One of your alien students?” I ask Logan- slightly uncomfortable.

The alien follows this with a more indignant stream of noises.

“He’s not an alien.” Logan says, chuckling. “And… he says you’re staring at him too closely and it’s making him nervous… and wants you to know that he’s not an alien.”

“Doop- Daken. Logan’s son.” Storm says pleasantly.

The green… thing.. holds it’s hand out to me while floating about eye level with me.

I hesitate.

He only has four fingers… and he’s relatively tiny.

“Daken... play nice.” Logan says, almost teasingly.

“Hi.” His hands are small… but there’s some amount of strength behind them. He starts to bring my hand towards his mouth- but I pull it back. “That’s close enough.”

“He doesn’t bite.”

“I’m not putting my hand near a stranger’s mouth.” I growl.

“Don’t know why he wanted it there in the first place.” Logan chuckles.

Doop makes some noise, eyeing me in an odd way.

“Why would you do that?” Logan asks in disbelief.

He mutters something, looking over at me. “Gross, Doop. Don’t make any moves on him… he’s not used to you.”

I resist the urge to wipe my hand on my jeans.

“What exactly does Doop teach?” I ask skeptically, trying to take a small step back from him.

“Doop looks after the kids and the school.” Logan informs. “Which is why…” He turns to the creature, “I’m surprised that these dumpsters are in here. I thought you said you’d look into corralling the bamfs.”

 Doop makes more noise.

“Right, right.” Logan agrees. “Well… can you move them?”

More noise.. .and Storm laughs. “You honestly can’t be hungry after this smell!”

“…. Then move the dumpsters, Doop.” Logan reasons. “Put them in your… black hole thing and transport them out back.”

Doop sighs before uttering another stream of nonsense.

“You’re kidding.” Ororo gasps.

Logan is trying to hide a smile. “Well… let him out.”

Doop pulls an annoyed expression and his noises get a little heated.

“Two hours is a little excessive.” Logan coughs but it sounds suspiciously like a laugh.

I’ve never been more confused in my life.

Logan looks over at me. “Nah. He’s fine.”

“What? What’d he say?” I snap to attention.

Logan hushes me with a hand- like I can be silenced that easily.

“Not really- I mean.. thank you- but I got it.”

My father laughs, taking a step closer to the floating creature. “No- he doesn’t really look like me.” Logan crosses his arms. “What exactly are you trying to say there Doop?”

The alien makes the most unnerving chuckling sound I’ve ever heard.

“Hey… He has- “

Doop chuckles again.

“Yea well,” Logan growls. “She’s genetically modified… I don’t think that counts.”

“What are you talking about?” I ask, feeling far too out of the loop for my liking.

“He says you and Laura are prettier than me.” Logan says with a chuckle.

Doop leans forward with extreme quickness, taking my face in his hands.

“He’s touching me again.” I’m too nervous to really back this up with a threat. He’s… touching me. With his grubby... not alien fingers. “Logan! Get him off before I stab him!”

“Doop-” Logan is laughing. “What’re you doing? You’re ramping him up.”

Very near my face... so near that I can smell what he’s been eating- he says something in concentration, back over his shoulders.

“Get out of my face.” I growl, bringing my hand towards him. He blocks it with his right hand, holding with a unusual display of strength “What is he doing??” I demand.

“He’s looking at you.” Logan says like it’s the most obvious statement in the world.

“Look from a distance.” I growl at Doop, who smiles and finally let’s go of me- floating back to his original position and saying something with a laugh again.

“Yea- he does- doesn’t he? Except they’re gray.”

“What’s gray?” I straighten myself, feeling off-put and off guard.

“Your eyes.” Logan crosses his arms again. “Your eyes are gray… Doop says he hasn’t seen many people with gray eyes.”

“Stay away from my face.” I growl. “Or I’ll gut you.”

He holds his hands up, speaking slowly. He doesn’t look at me when he’s talking, though. He looks between Logan and Storm.

“That’s actually rather sweet of you, Doop.” Storm says.

He smiles that toothy smile.

“And it’s a wonderful gesture… But you can’t hold students for more than an hour. That’s the time limit we set...remember?”

Doop says something else.

“I don’t think he’d like that…” Logan says.

The creature directs its attention to me and says something, slowing down and speaking very slowly.

… I don’t understand a word.

“Hasn’t been around you long enough.” Logan interferes. “Doesn’t have a clue what you’re trying to tell him.”

Doop turns to Logan and speaks rapidly.

Logan nods. “Sure- I’ll translate… but then you’re going to let the kid out and move the dumpsters. Good?”

Doop nods.  
“Right…”

He starts speaking… and goes.. and goes… and goes- moving his hands around animatedly.

When he’s done, he notices that Logan’s looked away from us and to the window- not paying attention. Doop angrily jabs his shoulder with a slender finger.

“Right. Right.” Logan turns his attention back me. “Doop said that it was a nice thing you did for Evan and that the whole school’s talking about it- so there’s no point in denying it…. And that he could respect you trying to look after the kids which makes his job easier. He said it’s not cool that you jumped Quentin though- even though he deserved it but that you made up for that when you helped Glob and then lost credit for yelling at the kids in the hall…” He stops. “Is that it?”

Doop shakes himself sideways before rambling off another sentence.

“On further inspection of the situation, he has determined that you are not a danger to the children or the school... but need to be closely monitored and-” he stops. “Doop- he won’t like that.”

Doop nudges him and says something that sounds indignant.

“Fine.” Logan sighs. “He says that you obviously need as much if not more supervision as the children… because your pheromones freak him out.”

“I freak him out??” I look around the garbage filled room. “Me?”

He nods and says a single word.

‘Yes’ I’m assuming.

“Have you looked at yourself?”

'you are a freak mongrel.' Shifter snickers. 'a freaky , freaky, little abomination.'  

He smiles, showing far many teeth and says a few sentences.

“He says he knows he looks good… and asks if you’d like-“ Logan stops. “I’m not asking him that.” He glares at him. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

Doop nudges him, flicking his eyes between us.

“No, Doop. It’s crossing the line.” Logan shakes his head. “It’s weird.”

“Plus he’s seeing someone...” Ororo adds in.

Doop rolls his eyes. Says something and makes quotation marks with his fingers.

“I wouldn’t call him a ‘pretty boy’. Mr. Storm has wonderful qualities.”

My heart stops. “Why is he talking about Johnny?”

“He’s trying to get you to ‘accompany’ him somewhere.” Storm grins.

“No thank you.” I growl.

Doop nudges Logan and says something again. “You’re just not his type.” Logan says with a shrug. “No big deal.”

Doop sighs and says something else.

“Nah- get back to what you were saying.” Logan says. “I’m not helping you hit on my kid. It’s weird.”

Doop shakes his head and says something in an annoyed tone.

“He says that he can tell you’re a little…. Off.” Logan says carefully. He turns to the creature again. “Watch it Doop.” He warns.

Doop holds up a hand and says something gently.

“He says he can see that you’re sick and struggling.. and while you’re here that puts you on the same level of protection as the kids.”

“I don’t need protection.” I snap.

Doop shakes himself again.

“He says you do.” Logan says after listening to another sentence. “And he says he got a gift for you…. to help ease you into the flow of things.” Logan stares at him. “You’re not telling me that the kid is your ‘gift’.”

Doop smiles and nods.

“Lovely.” Ororo sighs. “Just lovely, Doop.”

“No thank you.” I say a little too quickly. “I don’t want a gift.”

Doop opens his mouth… wide. And wider.. and… wider… impossibly wide. Inside is… something dark and vast. It doesn’t make sense. I’m staring at it and it doesn’t make sense.

There’s a sudden yelp as figure falls from his open mouth to the floor.

My first assumption is that the person is dead… and that Doop is presenting him like a cat would a dead bird. Which makes me wonder why exactly he would think a dead body would be something I would enjoy seeing…

Then the body starts to move.

“Stupid…” It groans. The voice is familiar. “I’ll turn both your brains to mush if you do that again!” The student yells.

Doop crosses his arms and looks satisfied. He motions with his hand to the slumped figure and says a short sentence.

“For you.” Logan translates. “He saw what a hard time he gave you.. and he punished him.” Logan coughs that ‘I’m trying not to laugh’ cough again. “Which isn’t your job- Doop.”

“What do you have to say for yourself??” Quire demands. “I’m telling-“ He stops mid-sentence and looks up. “Oh- wonderful Logan.” He growls. “This is your idea of a punishment?? Detention not good enough for you? You’re fucked up Logan- this is- “

“I didn’t tell him to swallow you.” Logan chuckles. “He did that himself…”

Doop says something.

“I was not picking on that kid!” Quire defends.

Doop shakes his head. “I wasn’t!” Quentin repeats. “I just simply told him…”

Doop puts a hand up and talks over him.

“What- him?” Quire points at me. “He’s not a student- Doop. You’re not in charge of his well-being.”

Doop says more odd words.

And this whole situation is ridiculous. I need more supervision than the students??? This thing is obviously the one that needs supervision! It’s running around eating people! How the fuck is Logan letting it loose on his student populace??

“I said I was sorry!”

Doop turns back to Logan and says yet another statement.

“Doop says that if you keep yelling at the students- he’ll swallow you too.” Logan says. “… and I wouldn’t put it past him. Play nicer.”

Doop nods and says something quieter than before.

“He also says that if you continue to help them like you did today- he’ll be more inclined to help you.”

I’m not making ‘protection deals’ with a floating jelly bean. That’s just not something that’s happening.

“Go get washed up Quentin.” Storm says, putting a hand to her head and running it through her hair in frustration. “Doop- stop eating students.”

He smiles, waves, and floats off.

“What about the dumpsters?” Logan calls to his retreating form.

Doop turns to them, opens his mouth, and sucks them in… and it is the strangest thing I’ve seen.

“Put them back out back.” Logan orders.

Doop calls something back.

“You’re not that hungry. “ Logan dismisses. “You’ll live.”

Quire moves off the floor- mumbling to himself about how unfair and disgusting this was… and I stare after Doop.

“If that thing comes near me- I will end it.” I say to Logan.

“He’s tough.” My father says. “Helluva healing factor.”

“…. Is he going to put that dumpster back... or eat it?” Ororo asks thoughtfully.

Logan shrugs. “We can get more if he eats it.”

I stare at them, thinking that it’s some kind of joke. They don’t seem to be joking- however. “… it’s trash. Why would he eat trash?” I feel like that’s something a person shouldn’t have to ask.

“Doop’s a weird dude.” Logan says simply. “This place reeks still.”

“We could have dinner on the lawn.” Ororo offers. “It’s quite beautiful outside… I could keep the skies clear for an hour or two.”

“Yea? Good of an idea as any.” Logan smiles at her.

It makes me sick.

“I’ll tell the students.” She kisses him and walks out of the room.

Logan stands there for a second. “If he eats those dumpsters- that fucker is making more.” He says to himself.

This place… it makes me almost feel sane. These people... the people in charge of me… and they don’t make sense. They’re logical one minute and then… completely bat shit.

“Doop.” I say. “What exactly is he?”

Logan thinks about it for a second, looking up at the ceiling. “Doop’s a… well I mean….” He shrugs. “I think he’s some kinda experiment… not an alien though.” He reiterates from earlier. “He hates being called an alien.”

“I hate people trying to bite me and grabbing my face.” I counter.

“He didn’t try to bite you.” Logan laughs. “He tried to kiss you.”

“…Why??”

Logan shrugs. “Doop’s a weird dude.” He repeats. “You look nervous.”

“Disgusted.” I say.

Logan laughs. “He seemed to like you…”

I glare at him. “I kind of inferred the opposite… when he threatened to eat me.”

“Doop's here for the kid’s protection.” Logan says simply. “I’m surprised you’ve not seen him yet… he’s been casing you since you got here.”

“No he hasn’t.” I have to laugh. “I definitely would have seen him.”

Logan chuckles. “He’s a good hider… you don’t see him until he wants to be seen.”

“He said I needed supervision.”

“You do.” Logan says gently, moving around the room and straightening some of the tables that were pushed aside by the sudden placement of the dumpsters.

“Do not let that thing babysit me Logan.” I warn.

He glances over his shoulder. “That’d be fun- don’t you think? Put him outside the door… he’s good with stories. Learn how to understand him and you might enjoy it.”

“Don’t threaten me.” I growl.

“Not threatening you.” He says innocently. “Just saying that Doop is a viable option for when I’m not there… I trust him with you.”

“He threatened to eat me!” I’m exasperated.

“He takes his job seriously.” Logan finishes fixing the standard issue lunch tables and turns around. “And he doesn’t actually ‘eat’ people. He’s got some kind of space and time power… never really explains it. He carries a pocket in his mouth. Keeps shit in… and occasionally swallows students who are misbehaving… they’re fine when they get out- obviously. And he never keeps them for more than a few hours.”

“… That’s still disgusting.”

“You should see where his second brain is.” Logan snorts. He continues to set the room back to order, moving gray tables and benches… the floor screeching as the metal drags across it is a lovely addition to the atmosphere. “So those pills I gave you… how do you think they worked?”

“You can’t just change the subject!”

“How’d they work?” He asks again- almost conversationally.

Seriously? “Seriously? You’re just going to move the conversation along whether I want to go with you or not?”

He smiles. “Yep. How do you think the pills worked?”

I groan, putting my head in my hands and growling towards the ceiling “I went to sleep. How do you think they worked??”

“You’re not rested though.” He counters.

“Maybe you should put me on a bedtime.” I say in total sarcasm, bringing my arms back down to my side. “Decrease my sugar intake. Up the meds. Put someone outside my room so I can’t leave… Oh I know, “I growl, “Why don’t you just go ahead and strap me to the bed? Then I won’t have a choice but to sleep. You’d get exactly what you want- me a helpless little patient who can’t do-“

“You’re just tired here lately.” He interrupts. “Like I said before- you know it’s worse when you’re tired.” His interrupting my rant kills some of the anger… he has a way of not letting me ramp up on him. It’s… odd. And I hate it. I start to get angry and he stays calm... and slowly talks me down or interrupts the thing as it’s starting- stopping the anger in the first place. He never says how he does this... or where he learned it- but he’s good.

He handles me in ways I can never notice until it’s too late. By the time I catch on to the fact that Logan’s done something- it’s too late.

I groan. “When are you going to believe that I’m not-“ I have to suppress a yawn.

“Exhausted.” Logan finishes for me bending down to pick up a scattered collection of books and paper off the floor and set them on the table top. “Your condition… you just tire easily. Maybe we should put you to bed a certain time… might not hurt if you laid down throughout the day either.”

“You want me to have a bed time AND a nap time.” I grouse. “You’re too kind.”

Logan snorts. “Good thing you don’t get to make those decisions.”

“If you put me in my room I will climb out the window.” I threaten.

“I’ll have Rachel monitor you until you’re asleep.” He counters.

“I’ll not sleep.” I try again.

“You’ll be out as soon as your head hits the pillow. “ He says. “Face it Daken… you just have to take things slower than you used to.”

“I am not some wilting flower! Why does everyone seem to think that I need to be protected… and coddled… and have all my decisions made for me-“

“Because you DO need all those things… in small quantities- of course.” He straightens back up and looks out the window. “… what the hell is Santo doing with that rock….” He questions to himself. “If he broke himself again… “

Broke himself.

He continues to look. “Nah... I don’t think that’s a body part.”

Kids with detachable limbs. Nice.

This is aggravating. He… really cares for his students. He... looks after them. And makes sure they’re safe.

And…

All the things I wished he had done when I was suffering and in pain… and alone.

“Ah fuck.” He curses. “That kid-” he points at the window to a kid who’s slowly igniting himself. “Has set three house fires this week… I told Santo to leave him alone.” He’s quiet for a second. “Right.” He says finally, looking back around the room. “Everything’s fine for when those fuckers decide to fuck it up again.”

“...what about the fire kid?” I sigh. He’s not going to fight with me… and I want to be informed if the house is about to start burning.

He smirks. “Told Rachel to deal with it.” He walks over to the food counter. “Bamfs have been all in this… we’ll have to get Doop to cook after all.”

“He’s going to cook for all these people…?” I ask skeptically. “I think you should take some of those pills yourself.”

Logan laughs. “He... materializes things. Objects. He can make a shit ton of food in a flash… it tastes better if it’s something he’s eaten though.”

“…. How do you know he’s not just vomiting something he ate and serving it?”

Logan looks at me with a raised eyebrow. “You’re a little skeptical tonight- aren’t you?”

“I’m not eating anything that thing touches.” I say stiffly.

“Then I’ll order out for you.” Logan says dismissively. “Either way- eat something.”

“I want to leave.” I say seriously.

“Three weeks.” Logan brushes it off. “Honestly- if I knew Doop would upset you this badly I would have made sure you met him before now.”

“It’s not… “I groan. “It’s not that.”

“It seems like it’s that.” I go to turn around but he grabs my shoulder. “You’re fine. You’re doing fine…. This will be over before you know it.”

“… I want to leave.” I restate.

“Take a day trip with ‘Ro tomorrow.” He offers. “Get out of the house for a while.”

I sneer, “I’m not running errands with your girlfriend.”

Logan stiffens a little. “Daken-“

“What? What could you possibly have to say?”

“You’re… I mean,” He stops. “Damn it. Daken- you can’t be angry at me for dating. Don’t take this out on Ororo.”

I laugh at his asinine comment. “Why the hell would I be mad-“

“Because she’s not your momma? Because you’ve built your mother up to this mythical thing that you think I should never have been able to get over-“

“What are you even saying??” I try to disengage my shoulder from his hold, but he’s not letting go.

“Itsu was a good woman. A respectable, kind, intelligent woman. If you think for a second she would hold this against me seventy-six years after her death- “

“Seventy-five.” I growl. “I’m seventy-five.”

“… I think your dates are off.” He says, anger dissipating slowly. “Itsu died…. “He stops. “I mean you were born, in April.”

“June.” I correct.

“April.” He assures. “I was there…. right after… yea. Fifteenth or sixteenth of April. You’re seventy- six.”

That… Why is that upsetting me more than it should?

“My foster parents said they found me in June.”

“Makes sense.” Logan says thoughtfully. “Romulus probably did a lot of looking around to know who exactly would be willing to raise you.”

“…what?” I feel disgusted.

“Childless... good socioeconomic standing… somewhere you’d probably be miserable….” He looks at me. “Nothing in your life was by chance. Not up until the second he died… after that- you were on your own.”

“Why would he keep me for so long?” I’m truly curious. I… it’s only a few months- but it’s needlessly withheld information.

“He withheld a lot of stuff from you.” Logan says gently. “It’s a common practice used by abusers… making you see things their way.”

The room gets a lot more tense.

Logan coughs. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you… It’s just… I know him a little differently than you did.”

“How?” I question. “How could you possibly know him better than me? How could you possibly know me better than me?”

“He lied to you- Daken. He stole your past, he stole your future, he stole your name- he lied and stole everything from you. He didn’t get to do that to me… not all the way. I was an adult. I could fight back.”

“Not hard enough.” I look down.

“Your momma was a needless death.” He says quietly. “I loved her more than words… but I couldn’t have stopped that bullet. When I got there-” he shakes his head. “I couldn’t stop the bleeding.”

“You… didn’t even think about me.” I spit venomously.

“Son- I thought you were dead.” He says quietly. “Your mother’s corpse was cooling at my feet. Show me a man who would have thought in that moment that a baby could survive that- I will show you a liar.” He pats my shoulder. I just now realized that I’ve stopped trying to get away from him. “Think hard- Daken. I know you’re trying to undo his conditioning… and I know that’s hard on you. But remember that a lot of the things you know- about life, about the incident, about yourself- are what he wanted you to know.”

“…Right.” My voice is small.

Logan lets go of my shoulder. “Go with ‘Ro. Have a good time.”

I shake my head in affirmation.

Logan’s quiet for a second…. “Do you really want to leave that badly?”

“...Honestly?”

He nods.

“No.” I confess. “I just don’t want any of your ‘friends’ touching me.”

He actually smiles. “I’ll tell Doop to keep his hands to himself….” He holds his hand up in front of him, “But he’s probably not done trying to hit on you…. so... there’s that.”

I can’t keep my groan internal. “Fine. Just tell him to keep his hands to himself.”

Logan nods. “Will do.”

For what good it’s going to do…

I’m tired of all these ‘revealing’ talks with my father. I wish he’d just sit me down and tell me all of this all at once.

“I wish we didn’t have so many of these talks.” I admit out loud.

Logan stops walking away. “I’m old, son. I can’t pull up these memories and dole out to you all at once- they have to be triggered by things...” He looks at me, half turned towards me and half turned towards the door. “I’m doing the best I can.”

All I can do in response is nod.

“So… you gonna eat with us... or do I need to make that call?”

“….It doesn’t matter.”

Logan chuckles. “You could probably get him to make you whatever you wanted- you know… he’s really fond of Glob. He really liked what you did for him today.”

I think back to today’s events. “He wasn’t in the room.” I say suddenly. “How did he- “

“He was behind the counter.” Logan grins. “See what I mean? He’s a good hider.”

‘Good hider’ my ass.

“Heard everything you and Quire said… heard everything you said to Glob... and then heard the students you freaked out on talking about it. He’s pretty much got ears all over the school.”

Keeping that in mind, I start to walk towards the door.

“You going to be okay?” He asks, joining me.

“I wish you wouldn’t ask that so often.” I sigh.

“I wish I didn’t have to ask that so often.” He counters.

Something passes between us that could almost pass for understanding… just for a moment.


	12. Sinkin'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to have to preface this with a warning that it is very upsetting. 
> 
> Also, a plead with you, my wonderful readers, to keep reading the story. This is a really bad chapter- but things aren't always what they seem... and just... keep that in mind. Things aren't always what they seem 
> 
> I would say 'enjoy'... but I didn't really 'enjoy' writing it.. so that's kinda unfair. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! I hope you continue to do so!

“It’s a lovely day.” She prattles.

Well not prattles. Honestly, the last thing I would call Storm’s words is ‘prattling’. She’s precise, elegant, and brutal when need be. I can see more and more why keeping her around would be beneficial.

In all honesty, I haven’t really minded spending the day with her. 

Logan greatly 'encouraged' me to be ‘nice' to her. He said, “Get dressed, watch your mouth, and keep your violence to yourself." He even made sure that I was dressed semi- decently. Which now- upon seeing Ororo- I am glad he did. She's dressed very nicely. Form fitting clothing- yet again. In a shade of white that matches her hair perfectly... very coordinated Storm is.

Strategically, my willingness to cooperate with Logan’s little ‘outing’ was to gain someone of power onto my side of thinking… the side where I can act like a normal rational person who doesn’t need to be babysat.

She’s avoided asking anything that would lead to any upsets and I’ve avoided being outwardly nasty… not that it was hard. I honestly do sincerely want to like her. She’s got such a strength... honestly- you don’t see people like her every day.

“Would that be your doing?” I ask, fidgeting with one of the plastic bags in my hand. We've been shopping today. Well- she's been shopping. I've been following and politely - in my opinion- conversing with her.

Of course, I have my own money. Something Logan made sure to point out to me several times when he gave me back my debit card. The one that’s actually in my name. My real name. No alias. It’s still unnerving to see it. 

“Slightly.” She smiles. “It was supposed to be overcast… but I thought the city would enjoy some sunlight.”

‘enjoy some sunlight. just out for a stroll with her obedient little mongrel.’ Shifter hisses.

 We've moved away from shopping for the moment, walked off the main avenue and onto a quiet street that's unoccupied by people. Storm seemed to not like being trapped in by the crowds. I don't begrudge her for the change of pace. The noises and smells of the city are enough to make me sick today.

'yes, yes. we very much enjoy our new babysitter. blah. blah. blah.' Shifter hisses. 'prattle prattle prattle. useless sentence after useless sentence. you know what? you're not allowed to speak anymore- mongrel.'

A shadow that I know isn’t really there climbs up the side of a nearby building- darting from my eyes when I glance at it for too long.

‘it’s the boogeyman.’ Shifter snickers. ‘come to eat naughty little boys who disobey their masters.’

I could almost laugh. His attempts to upset me are usually grander than this.

“Oh.” Storm says suddenly. “I forgot.” She reaches into her large black purse, digging through for a second before retrieving a small bottle. “Logan said you’d need one of these at lunch.” She gives the bottle a shake.

“...Right.” Good mood killed. I almost forgot that she worked for Logan for a second.

‘just smile and swallow.’ Shifter coos. ‘like old times.’

She glances down at the sidewalk. “I’m aware that the constant stream of medications and the growing number of people administering them may seem a little daunting to you.”

The buildings around us aren't exactly 'pretty'. But they have character. They're at least interesting to look at. More interesting than my company at the moment- at any rate. 

"I'm also aware," She continues, "That you're quite tired of your medication."

We continue to walk down the sidewalk. “Are you?” I humor her.

She nods. “I am assuming- at any rate. I like to imagine myself in other's shoes often to gain a new perspective.”

“Is it helpful?” I ask politely... but it comes off sounding bored. Damn it.

She stops walking. “Very. I’d imagine if I were in your position, I’d be in an almost constant state of unease and embarrassment.”

That stops what I was going to respond with.

She takes my silence for a second and then continues with, “Your father isn’t the most discrete of people… When you were recovering in the Baxter Building he invited just about everyone into your dealings by trying to get help for you.”

Hence the medical journals people often like to remind me that are about me.

“The journals, for example.” She says as if she were reading my mind. “Which I find most interesting.”

“You’ve read them?” I ask conversationally.

“Are you saying you haven’t?” She counters.

I actually smile. “No, I’ve read them.”

“You seemed to be written out of character.” She says with a small smile.

“I’m told I was very sick.” I say dryly while looking down.

“I gathered it as you grossly over-medicated.” She says gently.

They couldn’t find drugs to work for a while… so they just threw everything at me. The dosages were too high, the drugs were too harsh, and the administration times were too close together. It was horrible. I spent days convinced that my ‘team’ was trying to kill me.

“I was.” I agree. I very much was. One of the great kindnesses Logan did for me was taking me off all of the drugs. I know I'm on a lot now- but it's nowhere near where I was.

“Do you feel you’re starting to be again?”

“No.” I look into slightly concerned eyes. “It’s nothing like that now.”

I'm surprised she's asking. No one really asks these questions outside of Johnny. They assume it's ‘for the greater good'. 

He and Logan almost got into a fistfight over it. 

I'd spent all day with my head in the toilet and Logan came to dose me. 

Of course, I refused. I was sick- after all. 

Johnny stepped out to call my doctor- I think to call Logan off. 

Logan manhandled me and forced the pills into my mouth, holding them there until I swallowed. 

Johnny, with his wonderful timing, walked in on that and flipped his shit.   
The fight was loud. It was harsh. 

I may have even fled the room to hide somewhere else. 

They came in together after that. A simple 'look here. we didn't kill each other' moment. Logan patted him on the back and said he was okay. That we were okay. 

She smiles sweetly. "Forgive me for asking you such questions, Daken... but I would like to know these things from your perspective. I get to see it from your father’s and your doctor’s- but never yours. I honestly don’t think many people stop and question you like this. I think they can sometimes forget that you are very much an adult. An adult who probably doesn’t like being stripped of all his decision-making abilities.” 

That… I was not expecting. 

“Ah.” It’s all I can think to say. 

 "I'm also teaching a class on Abnormal Psychology…. and you happen to be the biggest case in the past few decades. I'd like an insider view into how you experience things. I obviously can’t teach the children from my own experience."

"How I experience things,” I repeat. She wants me to talk about that? "I pay someone to listen to that." I look around the city street, eyes settling on a small coffee shop. “Might as well do it sitting down.”

She follows my gaze and nods. “Coffee would be lovely.”

We walk across the street- which isn’t busy. A few cabs, a pedestrian or two… no one really out. We’re a few blocks down from the main shops and restaurants. I stupidly thought that Storm would be uncomfortable in certain parts of the city but she assured me she was not. Something about leading a gang of sewer-dwelling mutants for a time… It was an interesting story.

She orders a coffee but I decline.

The inside of the shop smells musty- not as a coffee shop should. The food at the counter is stale and the grinders seem to be filthy.I’m not ingesting anything from here. I tried to warn her to do the same- but she assured me she’d be fine.

I don’t really have a preference as to seating, but Ororo insists we sit outside... for the weather.  
I’m starting to think the woman has something against the indoors altogether.

When we are seated at the table she lets out a small sigh. “It was terribly tight in there. I apologize for the outside seating... but I’m very claustrophobic.”

Ah. I guess that makes sense. The crowds.. the small coffee shop.. she's playing up to her own strand of 'mental illness'.

“It’s fine,” I assure. "Do what you have to."

She takes a sip of her coffee and I wait patiently for her questions. I don't really know what to expect at the moment- but it honestly can't be that bad. "So.... about how you experience things..?" 

"Where do you want me to start?" I ask quietly. 

"Well... Let me see. Oh. I know." She pauses, looking at me carefully across the table."You just so happen to be in our textbook." She says quietly before digging into her large purse. "I have a copy." 

"You're carrying around a textbook?" I have to laugh at her commitment. 

She nods. "I was hoping to show it to you." 

"So you carried it around all morning?" 

She nods again. "I'm stronger than I look." She flashes me a smile before taking out a large white book. The cover has a few circles and squares done in various colors. It looks like some version of a test they'd run on children. Things I've seen in various offices before. 

I watch in fascination as she flips the pages to the very back of the book. 

She hands the book over to me. 

I rest it against the tabletop, looking at the pages with a morbid curiosity. 

At first, all I see are large blocks of text. Several paragraphs of lengthy words spilled out across the page in a fashion that would suit Reed Richards himself.  

"This was written by the woman who wrote that other book- wasn't it?" I ask. 

"Which book?" 

"The lengthy one." It detailed one of my breakdowns with so much accuracy that I haven't been able to look at it since. I've heard it was used to show future doctor's how to deal with a psychotic patient. 

Storm nods. "It was." 

"She wrote a few papers as well." I mumble more to myself than Storm, not bothering to look up. 

She's wordy.  

Example?  "he gazed indifferently out of the hospital room window as blood was drawn and tests were run. You could see the mounting anxiety as he awaited news as to whether-"  

They were testing for STD's. It was pointless- but it's apparently something that comes along with having your 'assault' publically acknowledged.  

I was nervous Shifter had something that could be contagious to me.  

She spent three paragraphs talking about my anxiety.  

She somehow worked in the fact that she had overheard me crying- which wasn't true. I wasn't crying. I was yelling. Logan and I were fighting.  

I see a picture of myself in the bottom right corner. Strapped to a stretcher, shirtless, eyes wide with panic. 

"They had to choose this one." I murmur. 

I hate pictures of myself. I hate videos of myself. I can barely stand to look at my reflection. That's saying something for how vain I used to be. 

"It's not the best." 

"It's my rescue picture.” I continue.

She nods.   
  
"The second one." 

She nods again. 

After Shifter. After the hole. They brought me back to the Baxter Building on a stretcher. They didn’t place me in the observation room I was originally in. Reed thought I would appreciate the fact that none of the doors locked me in. Several times he would demonstrate that once they closed they would open again. Even though he did, I still ended up ‘trapped’ a few times.

"I look deranged." 

If this is how she wants to start her questioning- I can't imagine how painful the rest of this conversation to be. 

She frowns. "You were out of your head for about a week." She recalls. "Do you remember?" 

I shake my head. 

"You kept apologizing to your father and Johnny -profusely. You would wake up screaming. You cried for hours, stumbling around wherever you were looking for exits." 

I... remember the exit thing. 

"Why were exits so important to you?"  

I scan the paragraphs. I see my symptoms. I see the numbers and letters that make up my diagnosis... the list of medications I was on when the book was published. A small bit about my needed 'care'. A smaller bit about Johnny. 

"Is this part of your questioning?" I glance up from the book.

She nods. 

“To gain my perspective?” I direct my attention back to the book. 

“Yes.” She nods again, her hair spilling over her shoulders. “Why were exits so important to you?” 

"I like exits," I state, not looking at her. "I like to know I can leave." 

"That makes sense.” 

"None of the doors opened when I wanted them too." I continue. "Not in the asylum. Not in the first compound. And not in Shifter's hole. When they rescued me- I had to know that the doors would open." 

She is quiet for a few long moment. 

There's a paragraph in the book mentioning my hallucinations brought on by the original procedures.  What it doesn't mention is why the procedures were undergone in the first place. "It doesn't mention Romulus." I note. 

"No." 

"Would you mention him in your class?" 

She frowns. "If your father was okay with it." 

"What if I'm not okay with it?" 

There's a back page to my story. I take up three whole pages of the textbook. 

"Then I won't say a word." She says earnestly. 

I read for a few more moments- thinking. No Romulus information. No Fury information- they blotted him out even though almost everyone knows he was involved. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few... right? Didn't the president say that when this thing started? 

I have to stop reading, my blood freezing. "Does it mention..." I scan the pages. No Romulus. No Fury. No.... Shifter? 

"Not in the context of you being his victim." She says lowly, in a tone you could almost call regretful. "We did register him with S.H.I.E.L.D databases. The bodies of his victims were released to their families." 

I didn't know this. I didn't...

"They found them?" 

They were buried. 

She nods. 

No.. they were buried. 

"Does Logan know?" My voice is small. 

Storm is quiet for a moment. "No. I didn't want him bothering the families for information.... So I hid the information from him." 

"Fuck." I exhale.  "They found the other bodies." 

Not buried. Not anymore.  

She’s quiet for a moment. "Did you see them?" 

I cough into my hand. "Yes. I saw them."  This conversation is getting worse and worse. I want to stop. Everything within me is telling me to stop it. 

"Did you see them all?" She asks gently. 

"We 'played' in the freezer he kept them in." I mumble. 

All those dead eyes looking at me. All his 'darlings’. 

“Do you remember how many?” 

“Too many.” I glance up from the book. 

"He's also in this book." She reaches over and flips the pages again. I'm almost afraid she's going to take me straight to him. I'm relieved when she stops at the index and points to a blurb about a chapter on serial killers. "It's a chapter on serial killers." She states the obvious. "He happened to be a mutant…. since our curriculum is planned around mutants and mutant issues- I thought it a proper book to buy. I planned on doing a side lesson on the ethics of using mutant powers.... using his deeds as a gross misuse of powers.”

A ‘gross misuse of powers’. Heh. You could call it that. 

I can see why a human doctor- even one as progressive as Reed’s colleague- would include him. A mutant that preyed on human’s for a good while. 

Preyed on them. Devoured them. Extinguished them.  Used them in every sense of the-  

I have to stop that thought. Once again freezing completely in horror. "Does it say he..."  

I can't say it.  

"Does it say what?" She asks gently. 

"Does it say everything he did?" I settle for.  

I rarely use the word 'rape'. I think it's a foul word. I think it gives him power over me still.  

Like when they call me a 'survivor'. I can't stand it.  

The few doctors who tried that approach were quickly shut out. Before they could even break into their pads.  

She pauses. "About the torture... or about the sexual abuse?" 

I could die on the spot. 

When I don't respond she continues with, "It calls him a serial rapist." 

"Perfect." I look down at the table. "Just great." 

She places a hand on my shoulder. "It doesn't say anything about you." 

"I bet it says that he had a victim get away." I feel numb. 

She freezes. "Well.. yes." 

"And I bet any students who went digging would find reports of him being caught by the X-men." 

"Well-"   
  
"And I bet," I continue, "They would be able to ask around about that mission and find out that I was the one being rescued." 

"Daken-"   
  
"And of course they all know most of the story from gossip." 

She closes the book. "Daken, I'm sorry." She says. "I'm so sorry." 

We sit in silence for a moment. 

"Did I at least get compensated for the book?" 

To that, she smiles. "Yes. Of course, your father is over your finances. He decided not to bother you with it. To be honest, I don't think he knows I'm  using that particular version of the textbook. But then, I'm the headmistress. I can do what I want teaching wise." 

I edge the book back over to myself, flipping to the index. "I want to know what picture they used." I'm being rude in not addressing her comments- but I don't care. She dropped this bomb right into my lap. Right into my face. Right into my life. She can handle a little 'rudeness'.  

She nods. "Alright." 

I find the entry and flip to the desired page. page 456 out of a 600-page book. They may not even get to it in a semester. 

He's the third picture down on the left. 

They chose a personal picture. One that makes him look human. It has his name as 'unidentified' It calls him 'Shifter' a few times, but no major recognition. 

The thing that really gets me is this- he's almost a blurb. Almost a speck in the pages. Nothing. 

My nightmare is neatly concealed between these pages in maybe three paragraphs. 

"You won't have much to teach on him." I mutter. 

"There is a documentary-" 

My head snaps up so fast, I could claim whiplash. "What?" 

"I thought you knew." She says quietly, eyes wide. 

"On him? On HIM? Who would want to know about HIM? Who would want to sit there and hear about-" 

"One of his victims was a politician's daughter." She says. "They... well... he took videos of her. He took pictures. Her body-" 

They dug up the compound. They dug up the bodies. They dug up everything. 

"They recreated the compound-" 

My face falls, I feel it. 

"Oh Daken-" She reaches out to touch me but I shrug her off. "The documentary does not paint him in a pleasant light." She tries to comfort. "There's no 'he had a bad childhood' or 'he was misguided' or 'angry'. it calls him what he is- a monster." 

“Ah.” Thorough. He was a monster. 

'you love it.' He coos. 

I don't. No one did. I know, though she rarely says it, that Laura was scared of him too. She... doesn't admit it to just anyone. And definitely not to Logan or the reporters. But she told me. She told Johnny. She wanted to relate to me. She wanted me to know that I was not alone. 

 I realize that neither one of us has said anything for the last few moments. I glance up to find her staring. 

“I have a few more questions." She says quietly. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to.” 

“Are they about him?” 

“Not if you don’t want them to be.” She assures. 

I have to sigh. She really won’t let this go. She’s dedicated to teaching these brats about something. Very dedicated. I wonder if she even has a teaching license. If any of them do. I know you don’t have to have one to teach at a private mutant school. Surely. But you’d think at least one of them would be board certified. 

"I'm surprised you actually want to know," I admit. "It seems to make people uncomfortable." Like... my father. He is down for everything possible- until those hallucinations get out of hand. His reactions vary- but they all scream 'uncomfortable'.

It takes several moments for me to get over my shock of the documentary. Of the compound. 

'of me.' He coos. 'of me and all my glory. you're my gift to the world.' 

It makes me sick. 

"You'll find I'm hard to spook." She says with a smile, dragging me back. "I want to know the other side of the story... the side none of those doctors thought to dig for.”

I actively avoid medical news about myself. The first wave of reports came after Reed’s ‘once and a lifetime diagnosis’. I was the ‘chimera of psychology’. I have the disorder that will never be treated again in the history of psychiatric procedures. And because of the healing factor will be treated a very long time for it. I suppose they’ll drag out their pads and questions once every few decades. I’ll get to see new waves of psychologist graduate and try their hands at me….

The second wave came with the medications. Medical companies were tripping over themselves for their drug to be the one chosen to treat me. Hours of tests and questions… weeks spent on one set of drugs… and then another. And then another.  
The third wave came when the videos Johnny made got popular again. I kindly asked him to remove them after that.  
The fourth- when the medicine started to work.  
And the fifth when I suffered a relapse.

“And you’re not worried you won’t like what you find?” I ask skeptically. “It’s actually a rather dull story. The doctors glorify the minor things... ”

“Enlighten me.” She smiles. "I'd love to hear your take on things."

"You won't like it." I warn. 

"I'm sure no one would 'like it', Daken. Your story, if you'll pardon me, is not one that is pleasant. The fact that you are even remotely functional to talk to me today is astounding." She pats my hand. "You're very strong." 

Normally I hate those comments. 

Today... from her... I think I'll let it stand. 

"So your questions... about 'my side of things'." 

She nods, taking a sip of her coffee before asking, “When I'm upset or scared by something- I remove myself from the situation." She motions in front of herself. "Like so.... how does it work for you?”

It takes me a moment to recall what she's talking about. The claustrophobia. 

“How does what work for me?” There’s no one in the street... no one seated around us... but I still feel like we should be quiet.

I don't know why... but I feel like this is a backwards conversation. Like we started where we should have ended and ended somewhere in the middle. 

“Your illness. How do you deal with it?”

“I don’t.” I continue to look around us. “I let everyone else do that for me.”

This eerie feeling will not leave me alone. 

“I mean, now you do. But you intend to learn how to cope on your own eventually.” She says with a somewhat nervous laugh. I think it's the first sign of nerves I've seen her show. She's shown pity of course, but not nerves.

“If Logan would let me.” I grouse.

She smiles brightly now. As if talking about him was something she enjoyed. “Your father loves you a great deal. He’s constantly worried about you. You honestly only see the half of it… I often have to remind him to give you your space.”

“...You hold him back? This is him held back?” I let my shock show. "He's turned up at my house before because he thought I was 'upset' about something... It was a minor fight with Johnny that my father had no place injecting into." It was... I hate to admit, humorous to see Johnny standing there trying to cover himself up while fighting with Logan.

“He wants you in sight every time you have a minor upset.” She acknowledges. “When you and Johnny dismissed your housekeeper, he almost insisted that you spend your days at the school… like a day care.”

“And you stopped that?” I have to give the woman credit... I honestly didn't know I had allies.

She nods. “I thought it best to let you and Johnny work something out on your own and step in only if necessary.”

“Thank you.” I’ll admit I’m shocked. If what I see of Logan is him dialing it back for Ororo’s sake… then I’d hate to see him full force.

We fall into silence. 

"Is it okay if we continue?" 

I stare at her but find I can't answer. 

"Daken?" 

"We started backwards." I voice my concern. "It's thrown me." 

"'Backwards'?"

I nod.   
  
"The heavy hitting stuff was at the beginning." 

"... I'm sorry?" 

"Shifter." I mumble. "He always started backwards." 

It was his method of keeping me on my toes. 

"Do we need to stop?" She asks gently. 

"No." I shake my head. "I'm sorry. Ask your questions." 

Logan will be more 'agreeable' if Ororo tells him I cooperated with her. More so- I helped with a class she was attempting to teach. 

"If you're sure..." 

"I'm sure." 

She pauses before taking another sip of coffee. If I didn't know any better, I'd say she was rehearsing her next question. I honestly didn't think I could possibly have thrown her that much. 

“When they do the journals,” She asks after some thought, “Why do you go quiet? Why don’t you fight with them? All these papers and never once does it mention a snide comment- or in fact any comment at all. Most of them recall you as being ‘docile and removed’.”

I grimace. “I hate those interviews.”

“Do they do them often?” She sips her coffee, frowns and blows on it, the steam coming from the liquid stops almost instantly.

“More often than I’d like.” I mumble

“I see such a fire when interacting with you. How could they possibly consider you ‘docile’?”

“Honestly?"

"Of course." She leans forward on her side of the table.

"Because I’m manhandled when they come and see me.” I answer. “Usually put on some kind of sedative- as per the doctors’ request- and strapped to a bed… they fear that my ‘condition’ would make me unstable enough to attack them and have to take precautions for their safety but then refuse to take their precautions into consideration when they write their little papers”

“Except the first one.” She says quietly. “It’s quite different from the rest.”

Ah. The man with the camera.

For the record- I do not like cameras. I found- quite by accident- a box they'd retrieved from Shifter's house upon my rescue. Inside were some of his belongings- for ID purposes... and a small box. It was his pictures. The pictures of me. From my photo album. My body. My insides. My outsides. Nude. Half covered. Sleeping. Screaming. Crying. All of it. 

They were awful. They... there- on the material they were printed on- you could tell he'd handled them. Taken great pride in developing them. There were negatives too. 

The thing that gets's me is that they were out of the album. Someone flipped through it and painstakingly removed every single last picture and put it in this box. I shudder to think it was Logan. How he handled all of them. Looked at them. Saw me like that. 

I found the pictures by accident- like I said. I was going through things from my rescue looking for something else. Maybe a blanket. I liked those blankets they wrapped me in for a while. They made me feel safe. I would sleep with as many as I could find. 

I was upset by the pictures. I'll admit there were tears. I didn't think anyone was around. I shuffled through all of them at least twice. Then, out of nowhere... Logan was behind me. He gently took the pictures from me, put them back in the box, hugged me- which was confusing as hell- and left. I don't know why. He didn't say a word. He still hasn't. 

As for the man who interviewed me... long story short- I saw him with the camera... and I assumed the worst. He barely got away... and I'm almost certain he lost a finger if not a hand in my attempt to get rid of him.

“I was out of my head… I’d just gotten released into Johnny’s care… everything was fresh…” I stop. “I didn’t mean to hurt that man. I didn’t even know it was him… I mean- “

“You saw someone else.” She infers.

I nod. “He lived, though. Didn’t sue… and got famous. I’d say he got the better end of the deal.”

“And what did you get?”

I look her over for a second before saying coldly, “Eighty hours of Thorazine through and IV that had to be replaced and reinserted every hour.”

She's quiet for a second. “… Were you able to sleep?” She asks softly.

“...No.” I take her into consideration once more. “Why do you ask?” It's a small thing that was overlooked during that procedure... but it made it worse. I suffered for hours and hours... and they weren't hurting me. Not really. The drugs just made me sick... and I was tired. The tiredness is what got me. I begged them to let me sleep... and they told me I could at any time. But they refused to turn off the lights and the IV never stopped being reinserted.

She looks down at her cup. “Logan… after that happened. He was upset that you were awake the whole time.” She smiles sadly. “He came back from seeing you… and he was very distraught. He said they weren’t letting you sleep… or have anything in the room. That you just laid there and stared at the wall.”

“I remember him visiting.” I say thoughtfully.

She nods.

I remember seeing him and begging and pleading… I was so insanely frightened.  
And he did nothing. He couldn’t hear me through the glass…. The doctors wouldn’t tell him what I was saying. He asked- I remember him asking through the intercom… but the doctor in the room just said I was ‘upset and needed some quiet to calm myself down’.

“It was horrible,” I recall. “The room was sound proof and the only interaction I got was from the doctors and the nursing staff. I was only allowed out of the bed three times a day.”

“Just three?”

“For showers and such.” I dismiss. It's actually better than my time at the Baxter Building.

“I suppose that was a kindness?”

I shake my head. “I was too drugged. Moving made me sick. I laid in the bathroom and vomited... every single time.”

“… You resist your treatment.” She retrieves the pill bottle again- remembering that I hadn’t taken it yet. “Is it because of things like that?”

“Yes,” I say honestly. "It is exactly because of things like that that I don't like being treated."

“Your father would never let that happen again.” She assures. “He got the men and woman responsible fired.”

She shakes the pill out. It’s small and white. Barely just a speck.

‘daddy to the rescue. guess that makes her your new mommy…. do you like your new mommy mongrel? or are you going to kill this one too? god forbid she get pregnant.’

The table in front of us is one of those meshed metal ones. The paint dried in clumps in some places, and you can feel the hardened drips on the underside of the edge. I run my fingers over those bumps, watching the street as a flock of pigeons flies from one side to the other.

“Here.” She holds the pill to me. “Would you like me to go get you some water?”

‘mommies are special. logan is going to find you a nice new mommy to help him watch over you… like a good little infant.’

I’m getting sick to my stomach.

“No.” I swallow the pill dry- grimacing at the taste. “This one is new.” I comment. It tastes like battery acid.

She nods. “Your doctor added a new pill when Logan talked to her after your treatment the other day. Which- in case you’ve been wondering- your father is absolutely refusing to let you do again.”

Ah. Well… honestly, I’d so far pushed that from my mind that I’d almost forgotten about it. It’s good to know he’s thought of it, though. I trust my doctor of course- but I’m sure she would have pushed for me to try at least one more time.

I realize that I’ve been staring into space for the last three minutes- semi tracking those pigeons.

Ororo follows my gaze to the street. “Am I upsetting you?”

The pigeons finally land. “No.” I say. “I’m just... distracted.”

“Ah.” She observes the pigeons for a second. “Ugly birds.” She comments. “I’ve been to planets with such beautiful creatures and then come home to pigeons.” She smiles charmingly. “It’s quite a switch.”

“You’ve been off planet,” I repeat that bit of information. “To where exactly?”

“Mainly the Shi’ar controlled parts.” She recalls. “Though we did have to settle something with the Brood once upon a time.”

My interest dies suddenly. It’s not that space isn’t interesting- but I’ve been gathering information on the Kree and I’m running out of resources.

“You were hoping to hear something about the Kree?” She asks, flicking her eyes from the road to me. “I do have some minor information.”

“Oh?” I stop staring at the birds and turn my attention to her.

She nods while taking another long sip of coffee. I’m slightly regretting not getting some of my own. “For example- they have giant coliseums where they do all their ‘judging’. All matters are solved by this means and executions are carried out by combat... that is unfair. If one has a special ability- it is usually blocked. The fighting must be done hand to hand.”

“Ah-“

“But the Kree- with a few exceptions- are not a warrior species. More military based than savage at this point.” She continues. “The fights are over quite quickly.”

“And what about this Ronan person?” It comes out of my mouth before I can stop it.

“Ronan is nothing to be concerned about.” She assures. “His own people want nothing to do with him.”

"Logan said he knew Johnny." I venture.

Storm smiles. "Dear, I'm not sure if you know this but your boyfriend is known by several alien races.... and he's not made a good impression on many of them... he was a teenager when he started his career after all and aliens do love to hold grudges." She smiles.

A vibration from the ground steals my attention from the conversation at hand. “Your phone is ringing.” I inform.

Storm rustles her discarded bags and pulls out the slender device. She’s quiet for a second before her eyes dart to me. Dart. Like… a deer caught in headlights.

Something is wrong.

I can’t hear what they’re saying over the phone from the distance across the table. But I know it’s bound to be bad. 

“We have to go back to the school.” She says urgently. “Something is happening.”

“At the school or…”

She shakes her head. “We have to go.”

We gather our things- her things I was just holding them for her- and she calls a cab… The ride back is tense. She says nothing to me while texting rapid fire to about three different people. I don’t see what she’s saying, of course, but I see that she’s switching between different texts. Whenever she catches me looking, she shifts away. 

Any conversation the cabbie tries to make is shut down immediately… and I feel like my skin is trying to crawl off of me.

When we pull up to the school and it’s standing- nothing out of place. I immediately know that what's going on is not something with Logan's school. 

Something’s gone wrong. In space. Something has gone wrong in space. How long will it take for them to get to their people? How long.. can I go with them? Are they leaving now? They should be leaving now if something has gone wrong. 

Storm pays the cab driver- but I’m already rushing through the doors.

I’m trying to remember where their war room is. Down the elevator.I mash the buttons as hard and fast as I can. Logically I know this won’t call the elevator faster… I know. But I need to get down there. I have the worst feeling in the pit of my stomach…

Even the air around the school is tense.

It feels dead.

No life running through the halls- and there’s no sound. Everything’s faded into the background.

The elevator can't arrive fast enough.

I mash the ‘close door’ button and pretend that the elevator is the only thing that’s sinking.

Finding the war room isn’t hard… I just follow the scents.

The people smell scared, upset, adrenaline filled… their voices are holding hints of worry and an edge of sadness.

When the door to the room opens, all of the x-men are standing there… all of my father’s side anyway.

So many faces that I barely know. A lot of them are young. Not child young- but young person. Barely in their thirties, probably. 

It’s a large group. I have a moment of curiosity as to who is watching the children. 

They eye me cautiously, conversation dying down all at once. As if someone had flipped a switch.

A screen is pulled up beside a map. On it is some kind of building. Large. Weird architecture. Definitely, something that screams ‘alien’. 

 Smoke issues from several sides and lower walls are crumbling.

“What’s going on?” I demand. If they’re going to give me their sole attention, I intend to use it. 

No one says a word.

“Well?” I press.

There’s more silence.

Beside the screen and the map is a list of codenames, slowly updating itself as the seconds go by.

I scan them... but there’s something missing. There’s someone missing.

“What’s happening?” My voice is low.

“Daken-” I think that was Iceman… we’ve yet interact this visit- but I remember him from last time. “I think you should sit down.” His eyes are soft. And I don’t want them to be. Robert Drake and I interact on the smallest of possible terms. I know Johnny is kind of fond of him- they like to joke around when they’re together- but I don’t care for him very much. 

Probably because I can smell just how much he likes Johnny. Probably because I can’t really agree with someone so willingly closeting themselves. I mean- I’ve never been in ‘the closet’. But Mr. Drake…. oh Mr. Drake is one repressed man. Johnny brings it out in him.

“I’m standing.” I dismiss. "What's happened?”

“You should sit.” He repeats, crossing his arms. His uniform looks dull when he’s not iced up. 

“I think Robert’s right,” Betsy says, looking over from her spot nearest the screen. “You should sit.” Psylocke, speaking of uniforms, is a man’s wet dream. I don’t know how old she is or when she plans on changing it, but it’s a nice view.

The room is densely silent as I sit, staring at the screen.

Taking in the people of the room is far easier than dealing with the mounting anxiety and stress that’s threatening my sanity and the moment. 

“What’s going on?” I try again. 

The building on the screen issues more smoke. It seems to be coming exclusively from one side. 

“Where’s Logan?” I ask when no one answers me.

“He’s taking a transmission in his office.” Rachel says finally. “We honestly thought he’d be done by now. We’re not really sure how to… tell you this.”

“Tell me what?” 

Laura’s name adds itself to the list on the screen as well as some  people I don’t know. Probably alien’s, now that I’m thinking about it. I know they were linking up with some Alien troops when they got there. Johnny said something about it before he left. 

“What’s that list? What’s on the screen? What’s happening??” I demand.

“Daken…” Psylocke looks at the screen. “There was an accident.”

“I can see that,” I growl, pointing to the screen. “What is that? What is that list?”

I’m going to be sick. But... I have to try to be level headed.

“The building is a conference center…. On the homeworld of the Kree. It’s been seized.”

“Seized?” My voice cracks. “By who?”

‘he’s not on the list.’ Shifter hisses.

He’s not.

Why isn’t he on the list??

“We’re not sure if it was the government… or a militia.” I don’t know who said that… I can’t even detect whether it was male or female.

“What’s the list?” I ask deadpan.

Gambit walks up the screen, crossing his arms. “It’s who’s been recovered.” He says after a second. “All the earth teams were in the building.”

“All of them?” I growl. “They put all of them in one building?” This isn’t happening.

I told him to be careful.

I told him to come home.

He promised he would come home.

Wait- wait. They’re still extracting. They just haven’t got to him yet.

“They were on different sides of the building?” I ask more cooly. "So not all of the building has been cleared yet," I state. "The full list should be updated soon."

Remy shakes his head slowly. "List ain't gonna get much fuller." He warns. "They've cleared the building twice."

Things are crashing around me.

‘do you know how to grieve- daken. it’s a lesson i never taught you… i'd imagine you’d be horrible at it.’ Master's voice is deadly. 'do you think you'll make a good widow?'

"They... cleared the building? How did they get separated?"

Rachel sits on the table in front of me....this room. I can't even begin to describe it. It's completely background nonsense at this point. “They broke up into teams. Some were in the hearing room and some were on security detail.”

“Right…” I feel weak. “And… and”

‘spit it out mongrel...’ Shifter chuckles.

“Johnny…”

His name’s not on the list.

Why is his name not on the list?

“Daken-” Rachel takes a breath. “Just... breathe okay?”

“Please,” I beg. “I need you to be honest with me. What team was he on? Where is he?”

Betsy sighs. “Johnny hasn’t been recovered. They’ve searched the building as thoroughly as possible. He was in the part of the building that collapsed. There was a large amount of blood in the area he was in and they’re running a DNA test. They’re actually waiting for the results right now. He was on security detail and he was covering the entrance that was stormed.” She looks at me with a guarded, yet remorseful, look on her face. "He was the first point of contact. And they were taken by surprise."

No. “He...” No. My words fail me.I shake my head. “NO… No..“ he was taken by surprise.. ambushed. What if he wasn't even looking? What was the first shot? What weapons were they using??

"They blasted the doors off the wall," Rachel says quietly. "After the doors were removed, armed soldiers stormed the building. Their weapons are what destroyed the structure... it crumbled within minutes of the attack." She clears her throat. "We wager that the security detail that wasn't in route to the main room of the building were either buried or shot."

I don’t know what I’m feeling…

I’m falling. I’m... falling.

And He’s not there to catch me.

“Daken-“

I wasn’t there. 

Oh god, I wasn’t there. 

I didn’t go with him…. I should have gone with him. 

“He can’t be…. He can’t.” I say breathlessly. “Because I told him to be careful. He wouldn’t go-“

“He didn’t go knowingly….” Rachel puts a hand on my shoulder. “And… it’s best if he went that way.” She says gently. “The Kree are rounding up survivors now- the teams are having to pull everyone out-“

“They’re leaving??” I stand to my feet. “They have men on the ground! Why the fuck are they leaving??” I feel light headed. “Get them back in there!” 

Gambit looks down at a device on the table I’m at. He picks it up, reads it, and looks at us. “They…. got confirmation of his blood on the wall.” Gambit says slowly. “It’s a lot of blood- Daken. There’s no way he made it.”

He… he… “No… I don’t… I don’t accept this. Send them back. Turn the building over. Please-” I stop, glaring at the screen. "Please." I try again. "Tell them to hold off on leaving for just five more minutes-"

The list hasn’t moved. It’s not adding any more names.

Gambit curses under this breath. “They’re pulling out now.”

"He doesn't need extra time- Daken." Iceman says quietly. “If they shot him.. it was through the head." He glances at me before looking down at his feet, unable to make eye contact anymore. "They don't miss."

“No... they’re not... Please- stop them. They can’t!” Rachel’s hands are back on my shoulders, pushing me to the chair. “They can’t just leave him!”

‘ah ah. mongrel. no crying.’ Shifter says wickedly. ‘not in front of daddy’s team.’

“Somebody stop them!”

The list turns white... and a second list in red starts running beside it. That one.. that one he's on. Him and one of the other X-men. They'll say this is a victory for us- we only lost two people. There are about ten names that aren’t our people- Aliens, I’m guessing. Again. " That.." I point to the new list. "Please take that off. He's not dead- he can't be dead."

The X-men are deadly quiet.

“Clearing the atmosphere in five.” Gambit says lowly. “All ships are intact.”

The rest of the Four are on the list…

They…

They split them up.

None of his team were on his back.

Logically I know that more people are missing on that list… but this... this is too much.

My world is falling apart at the seams.

IT’s going into complete white noise.

“They can’t go!” I try again. “Tell them to turn around!” Rachel holds me to the chair.

“Clearing in three.” Gambit says again.

They can’t... they can’t do this. They...

“Please,” I beg. “Tell them to go back!”

“They can’t.” Rachel sounds so sad. “They can’t- Daken. It would be suicide.”

“They left their men on the ground.” I try to reason looking behind at her. “Please… they have to go back. Can't you get in their heads- please.”

"I can't." She says softly. "And it wouldn't be wise to do so.”

“Tell them to turn the fuck around!” I command. “They have men on the ground! You do not leave people behind in fucking space!” 

“Daken, please.” Rachel says. “I know you’re upset, I know, but there’s nothing we can do at this point. Your father is on his way here. He’s-“ 

I don’t want to know what he’s doing. 

I need a plan . I need to talk. I need to do something to get them to turn round. 

My mind is filled with static. 

I semi-hear words coming out of my mouth- but they’re falling on deaf ears. They won’t contact the extraction teams.

“Turn them around!” I order, voice cracking. 

Psylocke shakes her head. “No. We can’t.” 

Tears fall from my eyes and all I can see is that screen. His codename. Not even his real one. 

Stronger hands are on me. “Come on.” Logan’s voice is so soft.

“I can’t… " The screen goes smokey... the rest of the building has collapsed. I feel like I should vomit. "They have to go back.” Everyone in the room as gone quiet, staring at me. "He's... he's still in there."

“There’s nothing to go back for,” Logan says firmly as he points to the screen. "No one survived that."

I feel myself starting to sob- but I try to stop it. “They’re leaving him! They are abandoning him on a hostile alien planet!”

“Akihiro,” Logan says my name… he’s really trying to get me to listen. “Johnny didn’t make it.”

“No… no- “Tears finally find their way to my eyes. I think Logan was trying to get me out of the chair, but I slump to the floor. My legs just give out. “This... isn’t real. This is a nightmare.” I feel like clawing my own eyes out... my brain... my heart. I simply cannot fathom this… I cannot accept it.

Every time the thought gets too close my brain rejects it with such violence.

I look at my hands- like they're foreign to me. I need... this heart can't stay in my chest. It doesn't belong to me... I stab myself harshly. I’m going to remove this useless organ. If he’s not in this world- I’m not going to be either! I’ll not take another step without him with me.

Blood pumps out quickly, I drive my claws deep- stopping to choke when I hit my lungs- not my intended target. I Push through it, scraping every organ I can possibly hit- until I can’t move anymore.

“Logan!” This is Storm’s voice… I don’t recognize anyone else’s but I hear her.

“Akihiro,” Logan pulls my hands away from my body, grabbing me by the claws, shredding himself in the process, and removing them. “I know, son. I know.”

I choke and sputter... but I feel the wounds closing. I feel them shutting down on me...

“Why... are they- “

“They’re not.” He says gently. “Not on purpose… there’s honestly nothing to go back for.”

“Stop saying that!” I cry. “Please- they have to go back. Man a team- please.” I beg. “If you have any compassion for me at all- you will send a team back there!” This would have been more effective if I hadn’t broken down into tears hallway through.

I know what I said… but I doubt he could understand it.

“Oh, Daken.” Rachel says gently. 

“Shh,” Logan shushes, lifting me from the floor and semi cradling me. “You’re okay.”

I’m not. Without him... I’ll never be okay again.

I make another move for my heart- but he blocks it.

“You can’t cut it out.” He says quietly. “It grows back… and the feeling stays the same.”

He’s covered in my blood…. The floor is covered in my blood.

“Homme… it was over quickly.” Gambit assures. “He probably didn’t suffer much.”

I dissolve into wailing. I don't care if they see me. I don't care about anything. 

I always said if something happened to Johnny on a mission that I wouldn’t dissolve into a puddle… or a mess. That I would be calm and level headed and…

I had no clue what I was talking about. This… this pain. This hurt…. It’s in my bones. It’s in my thoughts its….

‘love is the ruler of all useless emotions.’ Master chides.

I feel like the floor has opened up and deposited me into the lower rings of hell.

“Akihiro,” Logan says softly. “Keep your claws in. I know you’re upset...”

“They.. left him.” I sob. “He’s still there-“

“The Four… are going to retrieve his body.” Logan says quietly. “They’ve made an arrangement with the Kree… the Kree say it wasn’t the government. Any and all bodies will be returned to their rightful planets.”

“The…”

“Sue’s wrecked,” Logan says gently. “You two…”

More wailing. I never knew I could feel so much at one time. Or the volume at which my suffering could register.

I’d take a thousand of Master’s lessons over this.

A thousand of Shifter’s games.

I’d take both at the same time if it meant he was fine... .and home.

“Teams will be back by tomorrow.” He says again, in that soothing tone. “X is coming here. She’s really shaken. I want you… to be okay with that- alright? I know you’re suffering… but I don’t want you to take it out on her. She did what she could.”

I would never blame the survivors.

But my sobs won’t quiet enough for me to tell him that.

“Okay,” Logan soothes. “Guys- give him the room.” He instructs.

We had a home… we had a life.

He... is a part of that.

His things are there… he belongs with them.

To never smell that awful motor oil again…. To never see his face... or hear his voice… or.

“Easy.” Logan is holding me up, keeping my hands away from myself by holding me to his chest. His heart beat is slow and steady.

He’s…

A thought hits me.

This…

“Is this how it felt...” I gasp. “When-“

“Yea.” He says gently. “This is how it felt.”

“I’m sorry.” I sob. “I’m so...”

“You’re fine.” He runs a hand up my back. “You’ll be fine.” He says quietly. “It just takes time… and patience.”

I can’t answer him. I’m too wrecked.

“You…” he stops himself. “We’ll work everything out for you- okay? You won’t be bothered.”

I feel like I could fill an ocean with these useless tears.

“Just cry.” He says gently. “It’s okay. Get it out.”

Like I needed encouragement.

He lets me wail into him for a good hour… by the end, I’m too tired to move.

The world is gray. The sounds are useless. There is no light. There is no color.

There’s no heat.

I’m utterly cold.

The door to the room opens up. There’s muffled talking.

Logan- I hear. He says, “He’s tired himself out.”

More muffled talking. “Nah- I don’t think he’ll walk.”

I think the other person is Beast… and I don’t recall seeing him in here during my little meltdown.

“Yea, that’s best.” Logan says gently. “Go get his pills… we’ll put him in the one down here.”

I’m too numb to register what he’s saying.

To me, as he’s lifting me into the air, Logan says, “Gonna put you to bed- alright?” he waits for my answer. All I can do is groan. “I know, Akihiro. I know.”

We don’t walk to my room. I realize that over the gray and dark.

It’s a medical room…. Observation.

“Straps?” I question uselessly.

He shakes his head. “No, son. We’re not tying you down.”

He deposits me into the sterile sheets and starts removing my clothing. I’m too out of it to even help him…let alone tell him to stop.

He sets aside my shoes, and easily removes the jeans.

“I’ll get you a pair of sweats in a minute.” He informs.

I’m wearing a shirt with buttons. He undoes them one by one as I watch his fingers. How they move. How they seem so sturdy and focused. 

Of course, they are. Logan's world isn't crashing down in flames. This is just  another day to him. 

The end of my world doesn't even register in his. 

“Here, Logan.” Beast is back. “Try three this time. I called Doctor Willis, she said to go ahead and give him his anti-psychotic but said to leave the depressant where it is. She said it’s best not to interfere medically unless we have to.”

‘dead, dead, dead.’ Shifter repeats. Over and over and over. Just that one word. Over and over and over.

I don’t notice time passing. Logan holds a pill in front of my face. “Here.” He says, probably repeating himself. “Here, Akihiro.” He holds the pills- but I can’t take it. I have no desire to comply. I only got better for Johnny. If he’s not here… “Come on.” Logan forces the pills into my mouth. I swallow on instinct. Not instinct- conditioning. “There we go.” He places the other two in my mouth, one by one.

A few minutes after that, he pulls the sweats up my body and covers me with the thin blankets.

There’s no heat.

There’s no spark.

There’s… no flame.

I’ll never be warm again.

Logan holds my hand in his, and I don’t know why but I feel tears on my cheeks again.

He holds it until the world starts to slip away.

“Turn out the lights Hank.” He calls distantly. “He’s trying to sleep.”

‘dead, dead, dead,” Shifter sings. Over and over and over.

“Go to sleep,” Logan says gently. “Just let it go for now.”

I don’t have a choice. I let the darkness that surrounds me consume me.


	13. Well

Logan has tried to move me from this bed a total of ten times today.

He’s done everything short of physically picking me up... and that’s because I grabbed the railing of the bed when he went to try.

I will not be moved.

I don’t care if I ever see outside of these four walls…

It’s been three days since I got the news. I haven’t eaten, bathed, or slept. Three days.

Logan called it ‘the mourning process.’ Which is fair. He tried to talk to me about his mourning with my mother- but soon realized that the way he reacted would have me on a bloodthirsty rampage…

Which surprised me honestly… When I got the news of Johnny’s death I wasn’t violent. I wasn’t angry.

The only person I chose to hurt... was me.

The room is dark- as I requested. The white walls are gray in the low lighting. The gray tiles on the floor reflect any trace of light comes through the windows lining the wall that look out into the hallway. Hank put up curtains for me within the first day of my stay here. Since we're  underground, he didn't have to worry about natural light.

He said the curtains were to help me sleep better.

I haven’t slept.

I’ve been refusing medication- not outright, of course. But I have a pillow full of the ones I’ve managed to spit out.

Mainly the antipsychotic.

Shifter is having a field day- running through my mind like a kid on a playground.  
Talking, singing, screaming- loud as fuck with no apologies.

‘do you think Johnny boy screamed when he died? or do you think he was a big boy? you know how the kree kill their victims- don’t you? what if he lingered? what if they had a chance to really hurt him.’

Like that.

Johnny died almost instantly- so I’m told. Probably from a shot to the head or chest.

‘i bet he cried… all alone in space. dying. i bet he wished he hadn’t spent so much of his life with you- mongrel.’

I hear and outside voice clear its throat outside the door- It must be Logan. He does this before he comes in to talk to me- Prepares himself for what he has to say.

…. Eight out of ten times he reduces me to silence or tears. It’s fifty-fifty there.

The other two times he makes me angry… which usually dissolves into more tears.

The only thing I’ve been willingly ingesting is water. I think if I wanted to not cry so much- I’d have to dehydrate myself. I tried to do that yesterday, but Hank firmly put a foot down by threatening first an IV and then forcing the issue manually.

IE, a squeezable bottle and someone holding me down if I tried to fight.

I’m not going to let that happen.

The door slides open, but I don’t turn over to face him. He’s been in here every hour for the last eight hours-all in-between his classes.

“Hey.” He says from the door, probably letting his eyes adjust to the darkness. “It’s four in the afternoon…. You thinking of moving out of that bed?”

I greet him with silence. With the door open, light cascades around him, casting shadows on the wall and making me shield my eyes.

“Daken?” he presses. “Are you gonna move today?”

“No,” I answer finally.

Logan makes a small noise of affirmation. “How about you eat something then?”

I stare at the darkened wall… trying to space off again.

“Or take a shower…? If you don’t bathe soon we’re going to have to wash you off.” He informs.

“…”

“Daken- I don’t want to have to come hose you off….” He pleads. “Just come take a shower. Twenty minutes. You can go right back to bed.”

“…No.”

“Daken-“

“Logan….” I counter.

He stops mid-word. “Yes?”

“Close the door?” I ask.

“Oh.” he sounds suddenly confused. “Uh... sure.” He slides the door shut behind him, Taking the room back into complete darkness. “Better?”

“Yes.” I close my eyes.

“You like the dark- huh?” He questions. “You haven’t had a light on in three days.”

“I don’t want to see.” I answer numbly.

Numb is my general state of being.

“You need to move- Daken.” He says firmly, apparently not liking my statement. “Go for a walk… okay? Five minutes around the sub basement…. Let your eyes have a break from all this darkness.”

“What’s the point?” I ask.

“Son- I know this hard and I know it doesn’t feel like it- but you didn’t die. You’re alive. You need to do things to keep yourself that way.”

I shake my head.

He walks over towards the bed, taking a deep breath and then stopping- his heart rate changing. “Why does it smell like blood?” He asks in a heated tone.

“I don’t know.” I groan.

“Daken- why are you bleeding?” He pushes, anger dripping from his tone.

“I’m not.” I lie.

“You smell like blood.” He repeats. “Do not lie to me.” His tone is dangerous now.

‘daddy’s mad….’ Shifter hisses. ‘he might take you to the showers himself… have a little swimming lesson.’

“I don’t smell like blood.” I lie again.

“You don’t smell like blood?” He asks incredulously. “You don’t think I can smell that?”

“I think you’re wrong.” I bluff.

“So if I turn this light on and walk over to where you’re all curled up… I won’t see any blood.”

“Yes.”

“I’m turning on the light.” He says stiffly. “And I’m walking over there. And if there is blood in your bedding we are going to have words.”

Let him ‘have words’. I don’t care. I’ve never cared about anything less.

The lights turn on with a sudden flicker- making me jump and sending my eyes into searing pain.

“Last chance-” He says lowly. “Is there blood on that side of the room?”

I shake my head stubbornly.

He walks over to me; I feel him standing there. “Why are you curled up like that?”

“Because I’m sad.” I defend.

He reaches under my side and arm, where I’m curled up on top of the sheets. “Leave me alone.” I say.

He stops, hands firmly underneath my side. “Give me the sheet.”

I curl my hand in it and shake my head.

“Why can’t I have the sheet- Daken?” He questions.

“I need it.” I feel myself shaking.

“You need it?” His hand moves, grabbing it up. “Bullshit.” He yanks hard, pulling it out of my grasp and into the air. He stands there pulling out inch after inch of red-stained cloth. The only bit of white was the part that was showing. It looks like it’s been soaked….

I used it to mop up the blood. I’ve been bleeding myself nonstop for three days… I’m actually a little horrified that he’s only now noticing… I suppose the scent has finally got to be too much. I can't suppress it anymore. 

“What did you do?”

“I nicked myself.” I lie again. I don’t know why... I don’t. I shouldn’t be lying to him.

“Doing what?”

“...Extending my claws.”

“Why were you extending your claws?” He presses.

“…. They make me feel safe.” I try.

He continues to pull out the sheets. “There’s organs mixed with the blood.” He observes. “Did you gut yourself?”

I shake my head.

“No, of course not.” He puts the sheets closer to his face. “Because this is a piece of your lung.”

“…. I missed.”

“You…” he stops. “Daken why did you have to go and do this? Now I gotta sit with you.”

“….”

“And we gotta wash you up, change your bedding, and your clothes.” He sticks his hand under me again, rolling me onto my back. “Daken…” He hisses. There're several more red stains on my shirt… each one ripped open.

“I’m sad.” I repeat.

“You’re insane.” He sighs. “Completely-” He puts his hands in his hair. “Insane.” He finishes, staring at me. “Son… why? Why did you do this?”

“I’m-“

“Sad?” He finishes. “I heard that part.” He takes the sheet in his hand and throws it on the floor. “I wonder…” He moves behind me, hand reaching out and taking my pillow.

“Hey!” That one I try to stop. I know there’s something he shouldn’t find… and it looks like he does too.

“I’ll give it back.” He shushes, reaching inside the pillow case… “Just checking to see why you’re so ‘sad’.”

“My boyfriend just died!” I argue, reaching for the pillow again.

“I understand that.” He says far more gently than before. “But the doctor raised your meds again. You should in the very least be sleeping… and you’re not.” He reaches further into the pillow case. I swallow the lump in my throat.

Fuck.

“What are these?” He questions knowingly.

“Logan-“

“You’ve been spitting your pills out.” He says quietly, dumping the tablets out into his hand and showing me... “Look,” he stops, hands full. “Twelve pills… four each day…” He does a little math. “So at least some of them got in you…” he glares at me. “DO you think this is a game? That you get to pick and choose what you take? That messing with your medication is something that is a good idea?”

“No.” I answer quietly.

“No?” He demands. “No? “

“No.” I repeat, looking down.

I feel so stupid. How did he know? How could he possibly have known?

“I will put up with a lot from you,” He says lowly. “But I will not sit here and put all this effort into keeping you alive if you won’t do something as simple as taking your own medication.” He stops. “Wait. Wait. That came out wrong.” He frowns. “Rewind. I will not sit here and coddle you when you do not want to get better. If you cannot take care of yourself and meet me halfway then you will have to go somewhere where they are capable of taking care of you in the capacity that you seem to need.”

No- “Logan, please-“

“No, no. You don’t want to move. You don’t want to eat. You don’t want to sleep. And now? Now you apparently don’t want to be medicated. You know what I think?” He’s voice rises and rises. “What I really think?”

“Please- stop.” I beg.

“I think you’re just done… I think you need someone to sit with you every hour of every day to make sure you stay healthy. I know a place that could do that. They’d be all over it. You’d have someone watching you 24/7. Is that what you want?”

“No.” I answer quietly.

“No? You don’t want that?” he presses.

“No! I don’t want that!” I cry.

“Get out of that bed.” He says sternly. “Go take a shower. “

“no.”

“No.” He says quietly. “No?”

I shake my head.

“No.” He repeats. “You don’t want to go where they’ll take care of you… but you don’t want to take a shower.”

I nod, curling back up onto my side.

“Get out of the bed and go take a shower.” He repeats, deadly quiet this time.

I shake my head. “No.”

“I will pull you out of that bed and take you to the showers myself.” He threatens. “Go take a god damn shower!” The last is yelled.

I feel… sad. I start to tear up. “Leave me alone!”

I can't believe I'm crying in front of him. Again. 

“No, no, no.” He says quickly. “Daken- you are one of the few good things I have done is this world.“ He says lowly. “I will not sit by and watch you destroy everything we have worked so hard on.” He drops his voice down low and his stare is intense, “If you think for one second that I am going to sit by and watch you get sick again- you are mistaken. You can hate me. I’m fine with that. But I love you. And I will take care of you. If you are going to sit in this room and hurt yourself, and refuse to take your medication, you will be put somewhere where you are not given that option.”

“Stop threatening me!”

I hiccup in between tears. 

“Get out of that bed.” he says softly. “Out of bed. Give me a show of faith that you’re willing to try.”

It’s… “I can’t.”

“Daken…. please.” He pleads. “Help me out here. Come on son... just go take a shower. A little shower."”

“No.” I say again.

He says nothing, but his hands grab my arms, hoisting me side ways off of the bed. I only start struggling when my feet are on the floor.

“Hold your own weight.” He grunts, grabbing my arm and pulling me towards the door.

“Let go!” I wrap my free hand around the door frame, holding it as tightly as possible.

“Daken-” He growls, grabbing my hand on the door and squeezing my wrist. It doesn’t really hurt per say, but it makes me let go of the doorway. “Walk.” I stumble forward, catching myself and trying to use the momentum to fall backward.

“No!” I pull against him, but his grip… his metal enhanced grip is unmovable.

The sub-basement is so shiny it’s almost metallic. The doors are metal, marked with x’s (Of course) and the tiles are an odd off-white. Down the halls are just rows and rows of these doors. The light bouncing off all this metallic like interior is blinding… and it was fluorescent light to begin with- so it was already slightly annoying.

“I will drag you, kicking and screaming.” He says lowly. “There are about ten people down here. DO you really want them to see this?” He pulls me up when I start trying to fall to the floor. “Stand up.” He growls

That stops me. “You wouldn’t humiliate me to prove a point.” I pull as hard as I can, hearing my wrist pop.

He acknowledges the noise but doesn’t stop pulling. “I would ‘humiliate’ you if it meant getting you healthy again. “He glances at me. “Stop pulling so hard- you broke your wrist.”

He’s pulling and pulling... I’m resisting as hard as I can, but we’re moving. He drags me into a locker room- the room being a mix of tan and yellow tiles. Our feet sound harsh against them. He pulls me past a large area of sinks and mirrors and down a small ‘hallway’ that’s filled with showers. He picks a shower and starts to push me into it... I push back, making him push harder. “Come on, Daken.” He grunts. “Get in there.” My knees give out. I end up on the floor of the shower, looking up at him. “There.” He exhales harshly. “Cold water,” He points uselessly. “Hot water,” He’s pointing to the tabs- which aren’t marked. He points to small indention in the wall of the shower, slightly over my head. “Soap.”

 I sit here… stupidly. I don’t want to do this. My legs are too weak to stand and my body won’t stop shaking.

“Are you going to watch?” My voice is unsteady.

I can’t… he can’t be this close to me.

“What?” He says in confusion, crossing his arms over his chest. “No, I’m not going to watch. Why would I do that?” He takes a step back. “I’m going to stay at the entrance. Okay? Not coming any closer to you. You take your clothes off and shower. I’ll get you some clean ones and set them on this stool.” He gives a small white stool a nudge with his foot, forcing it directly into the center of the shower hallway. “Wash up good. Get the blood off.” He’s a lot gentler now.

He walks off before I can respond.

I just stare at the tiled wall in front of me…. So many tan tiles. Wall and floor... the floor having a large drain in the bottom… the entire shower is large come to think of it.

“Water- Daken.” Logan calls, voice echoing off the spacious walls...

And I’m just sitting here. I don’t… I can’t do this. This simple function…. I can’t do it. It’s not even that I don’t want to… I just can’t.

“Turn it on.” He calls.

I don’t move. I don’t…

I feel more tears.

What is wrong with me? What is…

‘shh shh.’ Shifter mocks. ‘keep making daddy mad. it’ll be over before you know it.’

My shirt is stained and torn… the skin underneath caked with blood and sweat. The pants aren’t much better blood wise. My hands refuse to remove any of it. My hand hovers at the hem of the shirt… half way between doing what he wants and what I want.

I hear footsteps… but it’s hard to acknowledge where they’re coming from.

“Daken,” His voice is close again. “Son-” he stops, looking at me far more gently than before. “Ah fuck. Come here.” I sit motionless, body shaking against my will. He bends down and wraps an arm around me. “You’re okay…. “I can’t help but lean into him. “Okay... here’s what we’re going to do. We’ll wash you off at the sink... then You get changed, we’ll clean the bed, and you can go and lay down. I’m going to dose you, though…. and maybe it’ll let you get some sleep.” He looks me over. “Alright?”

I weakly nod.

“I’ll set you on schedule at the end of the week.” He says, voice still calm. “Just so you know. You work better with schedules.”

The shaking doesn’t stop.

“Come over here.” He lets me go and walks to a row of sinks inlaid in a large granite counter space on the side of the wall. He looks back and motions me over with a hand.

My legs are jelly… my feet feel a thousand miles away from me as I stand.

I join him, steps feeling as if I weigh a thousand pounds.

“Take off your shirt.” He says, running some water and procuring a cloth from a hamper.

I can’t… I stare at myself in the mirror. I’m bloody. So, so bloody. I’ve been laying in a puddle for three days…. They stopped trying to move me and I refused to let anyone turn on the light. They let me do it in front of their faces…

“Take it off, son.” Logan takes the cloth and presses it to the water- watching it absorb the liquid.

I’m shaking again.

He sighs “Do... I need to go get someone else? Would you do this for someone else?”

I shake my head.

“Would you do it if you were by yourself?”

Another shake. I haven’t said anything in minutes.

“Will you freak out if I do it for you?” He finally questions- although he sounds very patient. Like when I overhear him talking to his students.

When I don’t respond, he starts to lift the bloodied material off of me.

My heart beat races… and...

“Easy.” He stops, putting the shirt down again. “Easy, son. I’m not going to hurt you.”

We stand at an impasse for a few minutes, him looking at me in the mirror, and me looking at the granite sink.

“I’ve got an idea.” He says quietly. “Will you stand here for a second?” I don’t answer him. He puts a hand on my shoulder. “Stay here- okay? Just stay put.”

The mirror me is shaking too… both of us... standing here in our own respective worlds- pointless. Useless. Helpless… defenseless.  
There’s nothing I can do… I wasn’t able to keep him safe… I’m not able to keep myself safe…

I’m a walking hazard. Just waiting for my next ‘adventure’. Someone’s slave. Someone’s prisoner. Someone’s victim… always someone’s fucking victim.

Always.

“Here.” Logan is talking to someone. “By the sinks.” He walks into view of the mirror. “Akihiro,”  
My name… my name. “You’re going to get clean... but you don’t want to do it for me. And you don’t want to do it on your own… so I brought someone else I thought you might do it for her.”

Her?

Which her?

Storm? Rachel? Why would I do this for them? Why would I want to?

“Hello, Daken.” Her voice always brings dual feelings in my mind. On one hand- she saved me. She made my torment far much easier to bear… on the other hand, she’s the only person who was with me. She’s the only person who actually knows…

“He’s not talking.” Logan says softly. “Don’t try to force it…”

X nods, coming behind me in the mirror. She’s dressed like she’s been in bed. Baggy shirt… shorts… her hair is messy. She smells… off.

“Logan said you needed help?” She offers a small smile. “I would assist you in any way you need.”

I shake my head.

No. Not today. I don’t want her help right now.

“He says that.” Logan drawls. “But he started to freak out when I tried to strip him.”

I didn’t ‘say’ anything.

“You need to get clean.” X says quietly. “Get clean.”

Like it’s that simple.

“I will watch the door.” She continues. “Logan will leave.”

He didn’t seem to know that and looks surprised. “Laura-“

“No men.” She says gently and then thinks. “And no women. Just us.”

He inhales. “Laura- “

“He’s fine.” She says, turning to Logan. “Just give us the room.”

Logan looks at her sternly. “Look- he’s-“

“I know what he is.” She dismisses. “Give us the room.”

He finally holds a hand up, turns around and leaves.

X reaches into the pockets of her shorts- pulling out a cellphone.

“It’s just us now… Logan will not intrude.” She glances down at the phone in her hands. “In three minutes you’ll start washing.” She instructs, setting the phone down on the counter. “Four-thirty.” She repeats. “At four thirty- you have to get washed up.”

I flash back. “In an hour, you will speak. In two hours you will move. By the third hour, you will do all of the above without prompting.” Her rules… for the hole. For when Shifter kept her prisoner with me. She made me function very much against my will.

Except... for the night before we were rescued. I was too far gone… she let me lay there and say nothing all night. She cleaned my healing wounds, washed all of the blood off of my back and out of my hair, and gave me all the blankets. I was always naked... covering up felt good. It felt safe.

Surrendering my clothing makes me feel sick to my stomach.

Johnny had a good way of doing it… he would help me undress- before we were intimate. The doctor said we needed to work on my being comfortable again. Because god knows I used to not care if I was naked. It was so far from my mind that it bothering me didn’t even occur to me. Johnny would help me undress, kissing my skin as he went… rubbing my back and shoulders- things that felt wonderful- yet safe. I was something he valued… I like being valued.

Often times I feel like I have no worth. This happened after the procedures- even before I met Shifter. I had no purpose or worth. Johnny fixed that. Johnny made sure I knew how important I was to him. How much worth I had in his eyes.

I... I’m going to miss that. It’s one of those things I can’t really tell my ‘handlers’. No matter how close we may become (though I doubt that would happen) there will be no substitute for Johnny. I will never tell them the amount I told him.

X was there for my moment... and I’m just remembering that she was there for his as well.

‘question the science freak.’ Shifter hisses. ‘she’ll just tell you that he died horrifically and like a coward.’

"Johnny-" I stop. "Was he-" 

She was there… both times She was with him. She was…. “You can ask…. Logan won’t stop me from answering if he’s not here.”

She’s got a point. “How long did it last?” I ask numbly.

She never misses a beat. “An hour and a half.”

“And… how severe was the attack?”

“The entrance was compromised within the first fifteen minutes.” She’s not pulling punches. “There were no survivors.”

I can’t help but stiffen.

Laura looks at me in the mirror, making a show of catching my eyes. “I thought it would help you to know that Warren was also on that detail. His blood was also on that wall… and his body has also not been recovered.”

Warren. That was the other x-man. The other name not on the list.

“I’m sorry.” I state numbly. “I know how useless that phrase is… but the point remains”

She nods. “As was I… I couldn’t get to him.” She looks at her phone. “Two minutes.”

“Did you hear them?” I ignore her comment and glance into the mirror again. My reflection looks distraught. Is this what I look like when I talk about the incident?

“I did. They fought well.” She insists. “They died bravely and will be buried with only the highest of honors.”

‘or like cowards.’

My stomach aches. Logan wouldn’t let her tell me this. I can hear him outside the door- his heart rate… he’s not happy.

“….Do you miss him?”

She nods. “Very much.”

“You’re not upset.” I feel myself shaking again.

“I’m very upset.” She corrects, putting a hand on my shoulder. “I’m just working through it. Like you should.” X looks at her phone. “Times up.” She says softly. “Get clean.”

I feel numb all over.

“If you don’t undress in the next fifty seconds- I will start undressing you.” She informs. Like back in the hole. ‘Daken you must talk. A word. Say a word and I will be pleased.’ Or other times, ‘You have to eat. The food is clean. You cannot refuse food. You know you’ll need the energy.’

I numbly pull the shirt off and place it in the sink so as not to get blood on the counter. Glancing to the side, I take the discarded cloth Logan placed by the sink and start trying to remove the blood from my body. The rag is stained in seconds.

“Very good.” She comments as she moves behind me and starts doing something behind my head. “You’ve got blood in your hair.” She comments. “And it’s greasy… you’ll have to wash it.” Her fingers tangle in a knot in the bottom portion which I’m willing to bet is more knotted than any other place seeing as the hair is a little longer down there.

“I don’t care.” I grimace as she unknots it.

“You always care about your hair.” She dismisses. “It took you years to grow it like this. You’ll kick yourself if you let it go and they have to shave it.”

They threatened that before.

“You could lean your head back in the sink.” She offers. “I could wash it for you.”

“No.”

“It’s very matted.” She counters. “Wash it… and then brush it.” Laura glances at me in the mirror. “Please.”

I reach my hand up, running it through my hair and getting my fingers tangled immediately… it’s a lot of blood. I…

“You need soap.” She observes. “You need to be in a shower… you can’t do this in a sink.”

I glance at her, “I don’t want to wash off. I don’t want to be clean.”

She shakes her head. “That’s nonsense.” She sighs. “Lean your head back… I’ll wash it for you.”

“…Laura- “

“Lean back.”

“.. I can’t.”

She wouldn’t understand.

“Sure you ca-“

“I can’t.” I interrupt. “It’s… it’s…” Something he used to do. One of those things no one really knows about… one his little ‘chores’ he did when I wasn’t feeling well. “Something he used to do.”

“Ah.” She chews her bottom lip. “I’m sorry… but it has to get clean. Logan won’t let you out of this bathroom until you’re clean.”

“Call him off.” I beg. “Just for another hour.”

She shakes her head. “I can’t do that Daken… he’s as much onto me as is on to you.”

Great…

“He’ll lump us together.” I muse, horrified.

“Yes.” She nods. “And not to offend you... but I am nowhere near your level. I do not need the babysitting.”

“But if he keeps us together...”

She nods “That’s why I’ve not visited you yet. I think he’s trying to-“

“What’s taking so long in there?” His voice makes me jump.

Laura purses her lips. “See what I mean?” She asks lowly.

I forgot he was at the door.

“Is he clean?” his voice is muffled.

“No!” Laura calls back. “Go to the shower.” She says gently. “If for nothing else to wash your hair. He’s not joking- if it gets bad he will shave it.”

I look her over for a second. “Have you seen yours?”

She looks past me in the mirror and frowns. “Unfortunate timing. “She smiles. “I was asleep.” She runs her fingers through it, settling it into something that looks halfway presentable before grabbing my hand and starting to lead me across the room.

“It’s four thirty.” I state. “Why were you sleeping?”

She sighs. “I am also ‘sad’ Daken. I have been sleeping very frequently lately.”

“Laura- “

She shakes her head. “It is unimportant. I am fine. You on the other hand…” She stops moving. “You have to take care of yourself- Daken. You have to bathe. It’s the simplest thing you can do for yourself.”

“I don’t want to.” I try to whine but it doesn’t come out like that. It just sounds sad.

“You like being clean.” She says stubbornly. “I remember.”

She remembers. She…

“You remember too.” She presses. “I washed you off every night after-” She stops. “Every night.” She repeats.

It’s one of the things Shifter allowed… because face it- When he was done I was a mess. And Shifter didn’t like to look at his messes for long. He would drop me at the door and leave a mop bucket in the hallway. I hated it… I hated it more than any horrible thing he’d done to me. There was something degrading about it. But if I wasn’t clean, then he’d do it himself…. And those nights never turned out well for me.

“I remember.” I sigh.

“The shower will feel nice.” She sounds persuasive. “Much nicer than when I used to do it.”

“…fine.”

 The stalls are divided by a small wall, each of them in a large cubical looking thing standing in a row beside each other. I’m hoping these aren’t communal…. There’s no way a woman would be able to cover herself if she were standing next to a man… or another woman for that matter.

I have to peel off the pants. The blood has made them stick to me. I leave them in a bloody pile on the floor outside the cubical and turn the water on. It’s cold… freezing. But I don’t want to be warm.

The water pelts onto my head and shoulders, soaking me in minutes.

The shaking starts again and I can’t tell if it’s because of me or the water. Or maybe both.

Laura was right about my hair. I run my hands through it and it’s greasy and tangled. It takes a few minutes to work my fingers through the knots- particularly towards the bottom. There’s no shampoo in the stall, but there’s soap. I work some of that into it, grazing the sides with my hand to see if they’re in need of shaving yet. There are small amounts of stubble… but nothing that needs immediate attention… Besides, I’m not going to Logan to ask permission to use a razor. It’s humiliating. I’m thinking Storm would be my best bet at getting it done.

Several minutes go by… my teeth are chattering against each other violently. So violently that it almost hurts. The water runs clear now. No blood. No mess. clear, freezing water.  
Feeling that they’ve both got to be satisfied now, I turn the water off and wrap up in the towel. When I step outside the cubical, there’s a small stool with clothing folded on top of it.

It’s not my clothes. Not from upstairs- at any rate. More medical clothing.

I didn’t see these clothes before… I’m guessing Logan’s come in while I was showering. I’m a little off-put that I did not notice him.

My fingers are numb as I slowly dress. The shirt is wet in the back thanks to my hair... but I’m not going through the motions of drying it right now. Not unless they specifically point it out.

Now that the water’s off, I hear a hushed conversation.

“…I’m just saying that maybe you and he-“

“I do not appreciate being told to see a therapist, Logan.” Laura says coldly.

“I’m telling you to see her forever… “He says gently, “Just go to a few sessions with him…. she could use your insight into-“

“I have already told you that I will not tell you anything that he hasn’t.” She says lowly. “It was traumatic for him. If he doesn’t want to reveal it- I’m not going to.”

Logan sighs. “Look- “

She coughs into her hand. “He’s listening.”

They’re both quiet as I walk over to them. “I’m clean.” I say numbly. “Can I go back to bed?”

“I am also going back to bed.” Laura says, nodding to me and then glaring at Logan. “I will talk to you both later on this evening.”

Logan looks me over as Laura walks off. “Dry your hair.” He says after a minute. “You’ll get the bed wet.” He fishes into the hamper and passes me a small gray towel. “Here.”

I take it from him and start to dry myself. “I don’t want Laura to go to my therapy sessions.” I flip my hair forward, bending down at the waist and leaning forward to run the towel through the strands hanging in front of my face. “I don’t even want to go to my therapy sessions. Don’t make her…” I glance at Logan’s stubborn face. “Please.” He's upside down from the position I'm currently in. His face looks unhappy no matter what orientation my body happens to take. 

“Son- I just think-“

“Every time we are together you try to get her to tell you about the hole.” I say quietly. “I don’t want her to tell you.”

He exhales slowly. “Akihiro… please. It’s been years. Let her tell me-“

“Tell you what?” I snap. “How could that possibly affect what’s going on now?”

“It’s… look.” Logan says with a sigh. “It’s just those-” He stops immediately. “Never mind.”

“Pictures.” I state numbly. “You want to know about the pictures. Johnny’s dead and you want to know about the pictures. Every time Laura and I are together- you want to know about the damn pictures.”

He looks down at his feet. “I’m sorry. The timing is awful…” He continues to look down, scent coming off slightly shameful. “I should have known better.”

“Why do you still have them?” I press, feeling my voice shake. “Why haven’t you gotten rid of them? Is the mystery that much of a thing for you?”

“Son-“

“He raped me. He tortured me. What more do you need to know? The pictures just show small pieces of a story you already-“

“The one about the vomit-“ He says, interrupting me. “Johnny told me about that one. I would have overlooked it.”

I… “You were looking at the pictures with Johnny?”

Logan nods. “He had them memorized to the T. “

Johnny… oh... Johnny. Why? Why would you look at those?

Did he see me like that? Is that…

He watched me sleep… he put his hands on my chest, right over my heart. He put his lips on mine- seeing if I was breathing. Was he seeing me as… that? That creature I was in those days? That thing Shifter made me?

“He wanted to know about the pictures?” I ask numbly.

“He knew more than anyone.” Logan corrected. “He… just couldn’t let them go.”

“You can’t let them go.” I retort. But there’s no heat behind it… why isn’t there any more heat?

“It’s just... a lot of your common day practices and… ‘quirks’ come from those pictures. They don’t ‘speak a thousand words’ – they scream them.” He inhales slowly, rocking his hand a little in front of him in a manner that suggests unsteadiness. “I thought with your recent behavior- they would be helpful.”

“He never told you anything?”

…” Nothing other than the vomit.”

“And she didn’t either?”

Logan looks at me for a second. “She told me about one… the only one with her in it.”

I have to think… and yes. He did pull the camera out on her once.

“She said she had to take care of you… that’s what she was doing in the picture… he took a picture of her cleaning up his mess.”

“…how is this relevant Logan?” I say quietly. “Please- I’m not seeing your thought process.”

He steps closer to me. “Are we going to have to start taking care of you…? Do you need someone to wash you? Feed you? Put you to bed? How much did you have Johnny doing? I… don’t know what he did for you son. We… have to pick up his slack-“

“His slack?” I ask in disgust. “It’s not slack!”

“You know what I mean.” Logan says softly. “He’s not around anymore. We need to know what you need and you won’t tell us.”

I have to stare at the tiles at my feet. “I don’t know what I need…” I admit. “He did. I never asked for anything- he just did it. On his own.”

“Like Laura did.”

I can kind of see his thought process now.

“The pictures won’t tell you what she knows.”

“She’s in one… why not the others?” He asks.

I sigh. “He never took them in the room- she didn’t know he had the camera for that one. There- are you happy?”

“Let her talk to me.” Logan presses. “Give me one hour where she can answer anything I ask her…. If it helps explain things- fine. If it doesn’t then it will never come up again.”

“Johnny is dead.” I restate. “Why are you springing this on me now?” I feel like he’s using this against me. “I feel like you’re trying to take advantage of my mental state.”

“No!” he says quickly. “No, no, no. It’s not like that at all…. It’s just…” he stops. “Look- let me try again. No one knows what Johnny did. Johnny has passed. We need to figure out everything he knew and did for you in a very short time. I’m just... retracing the steps- is all. Taking it back to the beginning.”

“Shifter wasn’t the beginning.” I confess. “You know that.”

“I know.” He says softly. “But I’ve seen everything else.”

They complied my memories from the procedures. They made them available for viewing to certain people. My father was one of those people… given his own dealings with Romulus. He’s gotten more handsy after that. He thinks I need physical affection.

It’s weird.

Here’s ‘weapon x’ this mighty killing machine. Conditioned into a fine tuned force of nature…. And he’s cradling me. Coddling me. Holding my hand through my nightmares.

“Logan… please I-“

“Tell me it doesn’t make sense.” He interjects. “Tell me…”

I look down at the counter. “I will let you ask her questions.” I say finally.

“Thank-“

“If,” I interrupt him. “You can do it with me in the room. If you can’t ask it in front of me then you don’t deserve to know the answer.”

He nods. “And you’ll tell me what Johnny did for you?”

“To the best of my abilities.” I respond numbly.

He’s quiet for a second. “Will you explain the pictures?”

Johnny… what would Johnny want?

He pleaded with me the other day to tell Logan more- now that I remember.

He…

Intended for Logan to know more. He… wanted me to make sure they were involved… in case-

This happened.

He was preparing me for the accident… and I didn’t even know it.

He had me here. He had me well medicated… when the news hit I was not by myself... did he take this into account? Did Johnny go up there thinking that something like this could happen??

Were his last minutes…

Oh god.

I’m going to be sick.

“Well?”

I can’t answer.... not because I’m terribly upset- but because I’m going to puke.

“Daken-” he stops. “What’s wrong?”

I shake my head, pushing past him towards the sink.

He grabs my shoulders- “What’s wrong?” He asks in a slightly more panicked tone.

I have no choice but to open my mouth and noisily vomit into the sink.

“Oh.” He sounds disgusted. “Okay…” He pats my back a few times. “I’ll go get you a toothbrush.”

Retching hurts.

When it’s over, I lay my head on the side of the counter, sinking down on my knees to do so.

It’s too much.

How the fuck do I go on without him?

How could anyone bear this?

“Brush your teeth.” Logan interrupts my thoughts.

I nod, lifting my head up. “Logan…”

“Yea?”

“Are you really going to look after me…. Like Johnny did?”

He nods. “Of course.”

I have to swallow. “And when you find out how much he did? Will you throw me away?”

“Never.” He says sincerely. “Daken- I would never do that. Why do you ask? Is it a lot? Did he do a lot for you?”

All I can do is nod.

“More than we’re doing?”

Another nod.

“And you need us to do more?” He continues, eyes extremely alert for this conversation.

“...I don’t know.” I answer honestly. “I don’t…” I feel weak and tearful again.

Logan rubs one of my shoulders. “Brush your teeth.” He repeats. “We’ll put you to bed.”

Put me to bed.

Why did I have to ask that? Why did I have to share that with him?

I say I don’t want to be the victim... and then I play the victim. I say I want to be free… but then I hand them the reigns. Everything I do is backwards and contradictory.

“You can rest.” He says uselessly. “I think you’d like that.”

He thinks I would like that….

I can’t be snarky about it.

I would actually like that.

I really, really would.

If Logan has to take care of me… if this is all I can do- then I’ll have to take it. At least until something better comes along.

Johnny would want that. He wouldn't want me to deny the only people who are going to try and help me. He’d want me to take steps to stay out of an institution. The place he fought so hard to get me out of….

No. I can’t undo his work and sacrifices. Those scars that littered his chest… he took knives for me. Knives thrown by Bullseye- of all people. And Lester aims to hurt. Especially if it’s not a kill shot.

No. I will help Logan- for now.

And I will accept help- for now.

And I will sort this out and try to be-

'you’re going to be a nut case.’ Shifter hisses. ‘don’t lie to yourself.’

‘we’ll make sure of it.’ one of the others whispers.

‘you’ll be in chains before the end of the week.’ Master adds.


	14. Come

“Want some?” The plate of fish- I think it’s fish- is passed in front of my face again. “It’s very good.” Laura seems very at ease. I find it hard to imagine her to be in mourning.

But then…. Warren might not have been her Johnny.

“It’s very good.” She repeats, taking the plate from in front of me and putting some of the fried food onto it. “Thank you.” She smiles at the creature passing her the food.

It says nonsense back to her and watches me for a second before sighing and saying something else.

“He just doesn’t have much of an appetite, ” Logan assures. “The food's still good.”

We’re in the school cafeteria, waiting for it to empty out- I hope.

The three of us… Logan, Laura, and I- the most dysfunctional family unit on the planet.

Logan looks me over every once in a while. He’s got something on his mind. I’m willing to bet it has everything to do with his precious little answers. 

.....Or the fact that I punched one of his ‘staff’ members in the face today.He really didn’t like that. But Remy was being most unpleasant. It’s hard to say that he didn’t start it.

“Daken- I wanna talk to you before we start-“

“Just get on with it.” I grouse. “We can talk after.”

Behind us, younger kids are talking very animatedly about a danger room session. Which, I was disgusted to find, happen at any given time... in any given place. They actually time them for when I won’t be around now, but I caught the rear end of a particularly nasty one involving sentinels today.

That’s what I get for leaving the sub-basement.

Doop sets the plate down on the table and floats off, leaving Logan to look over at x and I… his ‘children’.

Laura continues to eat like she’s never eaten before and I continue to look down at my plate.

If he wants this done- he’s going to have to be the one to do it.

A loud bell sounds from somewhere (I’ve yet to track the sound) and the children in the room start dispersing with groans.

“Shouldn’t you be teaching?” Laura asks with a full mouth.

He shakes his head, turning his full attention to her. “Shouldn’t you be chewing?”

Laura raises an eyebrow. “I’m quite fond of greasy food. Or anything with taste. You know this.”

He nods. “Just seem to be overdoing it a little…”

“All we had in space was dehydrated health food.” She wrinkles her nose in memory. “Scott did the packing.”

Logan smirks. “Summers is a bit of a dick.”

“The young one.” She corrects, taking another bite.

Logan pauses. “Was the old one up there with you?”

Laura looks at me in a calculating way. “No. Neither he, Emma, or Magik were involved with the mission. It was the younger X-men and myself.”

I try to listen to them... but this conversation is meaningless. He’s biding time until he can get all his precious answers.

The cafeteria is completely empty when I look up from my plate and find both Logan and Laura are staring at me. Logan’s got a small file with him now. Typical manila folder. Nothing impressive.

So that's where the pictures went when he took them. 

For some reason, I thought they would be presented in a more…. I don’t know.... ‘flashy’ way. If they’re so important to him I think they ought to be done with some care for showmanship.

Shifter had them in a photo album. The least they can do is get a proper file. 

“Laura,” he addresses, “Daken has said I can ask you anything and you’re allowed to answer so long as I ask it in front of him.”

She nods her head. “Yes, Logan. I am aware of this agreement- we’ve already talked about it.”

“I know, I know.” He says quickly. “I’m saying it in front of him to make sure we’re all clear. Daken-” He points at me, “This is something you said was okay. The second it stops being okay-“

“Fine, fine. I get it.” I snap. “I made my bed and now I have to lay it. Fine. Get it over with.”

Logan holds up his hand to stop any further comments. “Why don’t you settle down a bit first?"

He opens the file and shuffles through some of the pictures.

His fingers shuffling the photos make a spine-tingling sound.

"Are you alright?" Laura asks gently. "I know you don't really want him to see them-" 

“I'm fine. I’m settled.” I lie. “Please begin.” I direct my attention to Logan. 

I'm not sorry that I cut X off. I know it was rude... but I don't need her brand of 'babying' right now. (If you could call it that.) 

Logan raises an eyebrow. “I can already see this going well.” He says under his breath.

We’re all quiet while he shuffles through the pictures. It looks like... he’s sorting them. I noticed a lot of the bloody ones getting lumped together. “So… the hole.” He starts

“That’s how you start?” I scoff, still watching his fingers.

“Yes, that’s how I’m starting. No judging the questions.” He glares at me- as if he has a right to picky or even remotely choosey about this situation… let alone be angry about how I react to him. “How big was it?”

“Thirty rooms. Ten bathrooms.” Laura says. “I counted them all myself.” She takes another bite. He goes to grab a picture but she holds a hand up. “Please, I’d rather not see. I’m eating.”

I wouldn’t have pegged her for ‘squeamish’.

“Why so many rooms?” He asks just as quickly as she answered, taking a bite of his food as well.

“He had themes… in the rooms.” She glances at Logan and me, eyes darting worriedly. “Different rooms for different themes. The themes were all his ‘interests’. I’m guessing he only had thirty playable fantasies.”

Logan steals a glance at me before landing back on her. “Is that why the tools he used differ in the pictures?”

“Each room had its own tools- yes…. You could say he was playing out a scenario in each one. He called them ‘games’. The tools fit whatever ‘game’ he was playing.”

“Were all of the rooms bedrooms?” He paused before asking- I think digesting the fact about the rooms. Everyone seems to think Shifter was not very intelligent…. And they’re wrong. He was very, very, intelligent and very thorough. The fact that he had different rooms for all of his different moods just testifies to how well prepared he was.

“They all had a bed.” She affirms… “But it was very clear that they were not bedrooms. The only rooms that were actually for sleeping were ones closer to the door. He slept there occasionally… or napped during the day.” She takes more food and after swallowing says, “When he was in the room he was not allowed to be disturbed. He took my arm off on several occasions.” She looks to the side thoughtfully. “Always the right one. It was very odd.”

This is going by a lot quicker than I anticipated.

“Three bedrooms…” Logan muses. “So that leaves… twenty-seven for his ‘games’.”

“The bedrooms were used for ‘games’ too.” She corrects. “They just weren’t physical games.”

Logan nods. “There was proof that he had other victims… Where did he keep the other bodies?”

Laura pauses. “Uh… I don’t know.” She says quietly. “You'd have to ask the police who dug them up”

There were. He said he’d had fifty… but he only had twenty corpses. I counted them. All of them.

".... Dug them up?" He questions. 

Laura nods. "I thought you knew." 

"I knew they did a movie on him.. and that they recreated the compound..." 

"They dug them up." I wave away the information with my hand. "Storm didn't tell you because she didn't want you bothering the families." 

Logan exhales slowly, looking to be counting. "Fine. They dug up the bodies. How many were there and where did he keep them?" 

“In the basement,” I answer, not looking at the either of them. “The corpses are in the basement. It was underneath the room Laura and I stayed in.”

He nods. “You remember seeing them?”

I glance up at him. “What does your precious picture tell you?”

He looks down at the folder, shuffling through them. He lands on one of the bloody ones and stares at it. “That you were at one point in a room with corpse’s…. something that looked like a meat freezer.” His eyes dart back up. “Was he-“

“He’s not a cannibal.” I interrupt. “He just.... liked to look at them.”

“Ah.”

“This is disturbing,” Laura says softly. “I’m not sure I’m comfortable talking about this in front of him.”

“You said ‘he’s not a cannibal.’” Logan continues, paying her no attention. “Not ‘he wasn’t a cannibal.’ Why?”

I point to my head with a forefinger. “Because he’s not really dead for me- is he?” I ask with a raised eyebrow.

Logan looks back down to his pictures. “Fair enough.” He directs his attention back to Laura. “What were his forms?”

“I only saw the two.” She says.

“But he had more.”

“I... think.” She looks at me. “Why are you letting him do this?”

Because Johnny told me to…. that’s why.

“What were the other forms?” Logan presses.

“I only saw his ‘real’ form and the monster form.” She snaps. “Why are you letting him do this?” She snaps at me. “This isn’t going to be good for you. Look at how tense you are!”

“I’m fine,” I say quietly, averting my gaze.

“Forms?”

“I told you-“

“You’re lying,” Logan says firmly. “I smell it. What did you see?”

“He…” She looks at me. “Please- don’t make me say this in front of him.”

“You’re fine.” I repeat.

“Forms?”

The air is dense.

“His ‘real’ self, his ‘monster’ self, Daken’s master, one of Daken’s master’s … punisher. Torturer- something like that. A man who was Daken’s step brother-” She stops. “A version of what the man would have looked like... Daken didn’t know exactly…. And…” She stops. “Please- take him out of the room. I will answer your questions when he is not present.”

“And…?”

“……Daken’s mother.” She says bitterly. “The final form was Daken’s mother.”

Logan’s face is hard to read. “Did he...” he stops. “With her.”

“No,” Laura says quietly. “It wasn’t that kind of abuse.”

Logan keeps that weird expression… and this time, I really can’t look at him- not in the eye at any rate.

“How did he know these people?” He asks finally. The entire room is dead silent. The kind of silence that’s so dense it’s almost like you can see it.

“He knew everything,” I say numbly. “He just did.”

Laura nods. “He knew things about me as well. He tried to shift a few times to hurt me.”

Now Logan looks alarmed. “I thought you said-“

“He ‘tried’ to hurt me.” She repeats. “He did not succeed.”

“What forms did he use?”

She glances down. “He used my mother as well.”

No one knows about X’s ‘mother’. X refuses to talk about her upbringing most of the time.

“Ah.” Logan shuffles through the pictures again. “Why did he photograph so much of the… sexual violence?”

“He liked to look at it later.” X answers. “Usually….” She stops. “When they were in bed together… or when he was in bed with me.”

“When who was in bed with you?” Logan presses, sounding far more serious than before (And I didn’t think that was possible)

“When Shifter was in bed with Daken…. when they were in the actual bedrooms and when Daken was in bed with me.”

“He couldn’t come in when Daken was in bed with you.”

Ah. Logan’s smart. He remembers the story.

“He would come in before he was not allowed… he did it to bother me.” Laura says flatly. “It succeeded.”

I hate those pictures. I hate that Logan has them just as much as I hated when Shifter did. Shifter was so proud of his pictures… he thought himself to be wonderful photographer…. He said he could sell them as snuff-make some money.

“He often said he would sell them… or show them to other people.” She recalls. “He said some of his friends knew what he was and what he did and that they would look at his ‘scrapbooks’ when he was done.”

I hate those stories. I hate his voice. I hate hearing him talk and talk and talk… I hate all of his forms. I hate….

“How many times did he… hurt him?”

“I’m sorry?”

“You were only gone for a few weeks.” Logan says, clearly uncomfortable “How many times did he hurt him?”

“The abuse was far too often to count… Daken would heal most of it before I saw him.”

Logan shakes his head. “No I mean…” He stops. “Not that kind of hurt.”

He’s still uncomfortable with this. It’s still unthinkable for him.

“The word you’re looking for is ‘rape’.” She says coldly. “And I counted fifty-six.”

“Christ.” He runs a hand through his hair.

“It’s in your pictures.” She says coolly before turning to me. “Let’s stop this.”

I just shake my head. “Johnny... told me to tell Logan. He told me to tell him…”

“Johnny was wrong.” She presses. “Telling you to do that was wrong.”

“Daken-” He directs at me, “Is she right?”

Is she right… no.

She’s not even close. She wasn’t there all of the time… if anything her count is being very generous on Shifter’s part. The real number? There is something that would upset Logan. He’d be furious on my behalf… and I feel like I shouldn’t give him that power.

“Well?” Logan pushes the pictures aside and takes a bite of his own neglected food. I don’t know if I should be disgusted or impressed that he can eat after looking at the pictures.

“No.” I state quietly. “She’s not.”

He looks hopeful. “So it’s less?”

Without looking at him, I shake my head.

“More?” He sounds dangerously close to anger.

“She wasn't with me all of the time... he would separate us."

"Oh." 

I nod. "Her count is off. She couldn't always find me."  I say in clipped words. “Her count is off. “

“So she stopped some of it. She was with you most of the time- right? She could have only missed a few days. ” He sounds hopeful again. His moods are swinging so fast that he can’t be healthy for him. The last thing we need his him going berserk on his innocent student body. 

As for hope... I’d love to dash those hopes… but not with this.

As is I’m starting to get suspiciously close to upset but doing so would mean admitting to Logan that this is something that’s getting to me.

Laura sighs. “Those ‘attacks’ would range from ten to fifteen times a day. Shifter had no refractory time… he just got bored easily.” She looks at Logan’s photos. “He’s upset. Can't you smell him? Can you not hear him? He’s upset. Stop this.”

“Why didn’t you fight back?” He asks holding up his hand to stop Laura from interrupting. She looks less than pleased. “Why didn’t you try to-“

“You understand that you’re now sounding like you’re blaming him for his own numerous assaults- don’t you?” X growls.

“I’m not- I’m not!” He says quickly. “But I have to know.”

He wants to know… he wants to know.

That’s... hilarious.

 I laugh. I can’t stop laughing. It’s the oddest reaction I’ve had to this since it happened.

“Daken?“ He looks confused.

“He pulled them out.” I say when I’m done. “Everyday. Three times a day. With a bone saw and a pair of pliers.”

“OH.” He sounds utterly disgusted. HIS claws are metal- you can’t pull them out. I can’t imagine how to explain how it felt.

I nod. “I’m rather tired.” I try to sound normal… but I don’t feel normal. I’m guessing he knows after my little outburst. “I’d like to go to bed.”

“Sure.” Logan says softly. “Of course. Let me….” He looks down. “Let me walk you . Make sure you get there.”

“Babysit me- you mean.”

he nods. “Your reactions to this have been weird… so yea. I think you need to be babysat.”

I can’t even acknowledge his reaction to this. He wants me to react? He wants some stored expression I have for this? I don’t understand this! All this time and I still don’t understand it. - how the fuck does he expect me to react? “What did you expect? Do you want me to be angry? Do you want me to be sad? What do you want? I’ll pull it up for you.” My voice sounds a tad hysterical again. It’s a tone that always seems to get me in trouble… but one that I can’t seem avoid using. I have just the tiniest idea of how this is going down… but it seems unavoidable.

“Easy. Look- this kind of goes along with what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“No- not easy.” I say, looking down at the untouched food. “You wanted to know- fine. Johnny said I should tell you-“

“Daken-“

“It was not fifty six times it was ninety-two times and I know exactly how many because I counted each one and relive them in order almost every night I go to sleep. The rooms were by theme and I went to twenty-seven of them. His forms were used at different times depending on my varying mental states and how frightened he wanted me to be. The corpses- there were twenty. They were in a freezer in a room, hung up by meat hooks that hung from the ceiling… there were at least seventy of them. “I stop. “the hooks- not the bodies. He favored a pair of meat hooks for torture- but would use an electric saw when he didn’t have those handy. He was versed in several forms of torture and had a very long time to perfect them. He claimed to be 24- but he told me once that he was closer to 50. I suspect that he was even older than that. I never knew anything about him other than he was unstoppable, powerful, inescapable and in possession of every misdeed or wrongdoing or person I’d interacted with in my entire life,” I hear my voice rising, “And I felt like- when it happened- that somehow it was an act of retribution for the people I had wronged. SO I didn’t fight back, father, because I felt like I deserved it. He insisted that I belonged to him and when I started to hear him in my head, I believed him. And-” My voice cracks. “And I still think I deserve this because he fucking tells me I do. You tell me he’s dead but he’s in my head. He’s in my ear. I see him. I feel him. I hear his fucking voice taunting me, and worrying me, and torturing me every single day to where some days- some days it doesn’t even feel like I left that hole. It feels like it’s just a dream. Like he’ll come into my room and I'll be helpless again. Like the victim he turned me into. Do you know how hard is to fight someone like that? Someone who…” I think I’m crying, but I’m not exactly sure why. “Who demeans you and gets in your head and shines a light on every dark despicable thing you’ve ever done in your life- and then judges and punishes you accordingly?”

“Hey,” Logan stops. “Akihiro.” This is quiet. “Son… come here.”

“So you tell me,” I say through my tears- and now I now why. I'm furious. At least most of it is fury. How dare he. How dare he think it is okay to question me- now. Now of all times. “Why now? Right now with all that's going on do you want me to react to this? Did this help you? Did you get your closure? Is it everything you wanted?? Has this lived up to all your expectations??”

“Akihiro…” he soothes. “Hey-“

“I want Johnny.” I say tearfully but no less angry. “He would understand this.”

“I know you do.” Logan gets up from the table, walking around behind me. “ But he’s not here- you’re going to have to teach us how to respond and-“

“He wouldn’t have caused it in the first place!” I snap, standing up from the table and starting to leave.

“Akihiro-” Logan calls after me. “Akihiro wait. Come back. Look- this is what I’ve been wanting to talk to you about-”

“I don’t want to hear what you have to say!” I say in exasperation.

“Son- I think you should listen to this.”

I ignore him… but he follows me, standing in the doorway of the cafeteria. “Where are you trying to go?” He sighs.

That stops me…. Where AM I trying to go? Where…

I look over my shoulder. “I’m not leaving here- am I?”

“Let’s talk about that later on.” He says quietly. “When you’ve had time to adjust. I’ve been trying to tell you-”

“I don’t want to talk about it ‘later on’ I want to know now.” I press. “Am I going to leave here?”

Logan sighs. “Akihiro…”

“Am I leaving here?” I counter. “It’s a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question. Do I get to leave?”

“Son- come on now. You know a lot of thought needs to be placed into this decision…”

“Yes or no, Logan.” I say lowly. “Yes or no- am I going to leave?”

“Eventually.” He answers. “We’ll work something out.”

“In three weeks?” I question, turning around to face him.

Logan just shakes his head.

“My freedom depended on him watching me.” I Infer.

Logan sighs. “Yes. You could see it that way.”

“I’m not leaving.”

“Not in three weeks, ” He says “That’s a little too soon to just… let you go.”

“What are you afraid of? That I’ll die? That I’ll hurt someone? Who’s to say I don’t start taking missions again- who’s to say-” I notice I’m almost hyperventilating at the thought of it. “Oh god.”

“Breathe.” He says, moving closer to me. “Breathe.” He waits for a second before adding. “Now tell me you can be alone. Honestly. Tell me you’re ready to go.”

“I have a home.” I say numbly.

“We’ll take care of that.” He assures.

I turn on him quickly. “You will not sell my home.”

“Daken-“

“NO.” I growl. “You will not sell my home.”

“What are you going to do with it son? You’ll live here. You’ll continue to be supported… I’ll continue to give you the money I was already giving you….”

I snort, sounding hysterical again. That tone- that tone. This isn’t going to end well. He zones in on it... it gives him more fire. “I don’t want your money. I want my home! I want the place we lived together to belong to me. I want his smells... and his cars… and his disgusting foods- “

Logan clears his throat. “Daken…. he’s dead. You can’t keep these things…. Someone else could use that house.”

“DO NOT SELL MY HOUSE!” I scream at him.

“Hey.” He says forcefully. “Lower your voice.”

“Don’t do it.” My voice is frantic. “You can’t. I need somewhere to go. I cannot live here with you for all eternity.” I grab his shirt, fisting it in my hands. “I will not sit here and slowly go insane in front of your entire team- in front of your entire student body…. I won't do it. I want a home. I want my things. I want to leave. I want to go. I don’t want to be here forever. You can’t keep me here!” The last is screamed into his face.

Logan grabs my hands, loosening himself from my grip. “You obviously need more rest.” He says quietly. “We can talk about all of this once you’ve had some time to process.”

“I will not sit by a let you do this.” I shake my head. “I will not be your little live in victim.” My body is shaking. “I won’t do it, Logan. I won’t. I won’t- you can’t make me,” I try to grab him again- but he grabs my hands.

“Where is this even coming from?” He asks, voice dangerously gentle…. Like he’s trying to make me feel safe.

“I want to leave.” I repeat. “I don’t want to go insane here. I want my own space.”

“You have your own space.” He says, taking me by the elbows. “Daken- you do. You want more privacy? You want less interference? Tell me what you want… okay? Let me know… just let me know. Don’t hide things from me. Don’t lie to me.” He searches my face. “Just let me know.”

“I want to go home.” I sound crazed…. But then I feel crazed. I feel desperate. “I just want to go home. Please- just send me home.”

“I think you need to go somewhere else.” He says lowly. “… Don’t you?”

“Somewhere else?”

“Somewhere safe.” He says with a nod, still holding onto my hands. “Where you can have your own space? Didn’t you say you wanted space?”

This is… starting to sound like… “I just want to go home.”

“There’s a place I found… it’s two hours upstate. Out in the middle of nowhere. Really relaxing. I interviewed the staff and Doctor Willis knows the head psychiatrist personally. He comes with the highest recommendations.”

“You can’t.” I breathe. “You- please don’t.” I feel like I’m going to scream again. “Logan- you can’t.”

“You’re very upset…. This has been very upsetting.” His tone is smooth and his face is sincerely worried. Nothing about this is fake. “I think… you could use the help adjusting to this.”

Things are spinning out of control… so so quickly. I shake my head in short, jerky, movements. “Don’t.”

“I talked to your doctor…”

“Please…”

“We think it’s best-“

I want to run, but my legs just give out. “You can’t do this to me!”

“I’m sorry-” He says gently. “Son- I am. But you’re just… “He stops. “Look- they’ve arranged for someone to come get you… Doctor Willis wants to do some sessions before you go. Preparation and shit like that so you’re not too… upset when you do go.”

“This is a done deal?” I ask.

“Yes.” He takes a knee beside me. “It’s a nice place…. Five-star accommodations. They’ve got great doctors who already know about your condition and what’s happened…. Great for grief counseling. You can go do this,” He motions to me. “In privacy... come back when you’re feeling a little better.”

“Where’s X?” I as numbly.

He looks thrown. “She left…. why? Do you need her? Would she help you somehow?” He sounds hopeful with that.

“Did she know?” I’m falling again. Like when they told me about Johnny.

“No one knows but me.” He assures. “Everyone will think that you’ve gone to stay with someone else for a while…. To get away from here.”

They’ll know in a matter of days. Where else do I have to go but a hospital? What’s he going to tell them? We found a relative? Our relatives are dead.

“This is what I was trying to tell you- and this conversation just made it really clear that this is the right choice.” He confesses. “Willis is coming tonight…. The people from Clearwater are coming tomorrow… early in the morning. Before the kids are up.”

“So I don’t make a scene.” I fall back to the floor, letting my head hit with a crack...

“So you don’t make a scene.” He repeats. “You don’t want people to know… and they won’t. I’ll make sure of it.” He puts a hand behind my head. “You’re gonna hurt yourself.” He mutters. “Try sitting up-“

He tries to pull me up, but I resist.

“You’re sending me away like a hysterical woman.” I state numbly.

He shakes his head. “Like you’re sick.” He says gently. “You’re sick- son. Sick people go to hospitals- they see doctors. You go to the hospital and you get better.” He frowns. “Please sit up. I don’t know when the last time Toad swept this floor was.”

Like I care. “Please." I beg. “Don’t make me go-I just wanted to go home. You can’t punish me for wanting to go home... you can’t use this against me for the rest of my life.”

“Let’s get you to your room.” He says instead of answering me. “Get you calmed down before the doctor gets here.”

“And if I refuse?”

“Son,” he says lowly, “They will take you out of here in cuffs if they have to. The fact of the matter is- we don’t know how dangerous you’re going to be….”

“Just give me a chance.” I plead. “Please- one chance. One chance before you send me away.”

He looks me over. “One chance at what?”

“Adjusting.” I say quickly. “You won’t hear from me… you won’t even see me. I’ll stay so far out of your way-“

“This isn’t about you being in my way.” He says, putting an arm around my back and pulling me upwards. “Go lay down….”

A thought hits me…. And it’s desperate.

Logan wants me to go to the room and wait for the doctor. The room has no lock, but he doesn’t guard the door. At this time in the day, every staff member is going to be teaching or otherwise preoccupied…. I’ll be alone.

If he won’t let me leave… I’ll just go out the window.

If I go now the telepath might not catch me. If she’s too preoccupied with teaching- that is. No one will stop me- or even know that I’m gone.

“I’m tired… if the doctors coming I should sleep.” I say. “Please take me to my room.”

“Okay.” He says gently. “I’ll take you there.” He stops. “Thank you for taking this so well.”

He pulls me to my feet, putting a steadying arm around me for a second.

“Clearwater is a nice place.” He says quietly as we walk. “I’m not going to say ‘you’ll like it’ because we both know that you’re going to be miserable at first. But after some time… I’m sure it’ll be easier to stomach.”

I just nod, feeling more and more desperate with each step we take.

He stops in front of my door. “I know this is going to be pretty much impossible for you- but try to relax...alright? Get some rest.”

I nod again.

“I love you Daken.” He says quietly. “I’m trying to keep you healthy and safe…” He opens the door, holding it there for me to walk through. “Just try to keep that in mind.”

He stands there for a second before closing the door.

My ear is to the door almost immediately.

His footsteps move away from me and then come back to the door. And then he moves and then he comes back. He’s pacing. Using the hallway window will not be an option.

I go to my own window and look down. It’s a slight drop- only a story. If I were to use my claws, I could do it rather easily.

The window is not meant for a grown man to go through, it takes a good amount of ducking and squeezing to get to where I can make the small jump to lodge my claws into the bricks.

Taking a deep breath, I remind myself of what’s on the line, and lean forward, jumping off the sill and extending the claws on my right hand. A few inches below the window, they catch the bricks and lodge themselves briefly before allowing me to slice through the bricks while slowing my momentum.

I stop a few inches from the ground, looking up at the impressive slashes I’ve made on Logan’s school.

I’m on the back lawn… in front of quite a few windows. I can see students all facing towards the front of classrooms- a few of them take interest in me, but I move out of their line of vision before they can make out what I’m doing.

Walking across the lawn will take too long but sprinting will look suspicious… So I settle for a jog, moving quickly to the back fence.

There’s a strong breeze blowing through the yard when I reach the back gate. Stronger than when I started my trek... and I know it’s a bad sign. If I get over the side of the fence before the wind rider get’s me in sight….

“Going somewhere?”

I stop in my tracks, trying to place the voice.

“Up here.” Storm is hovering several feet above my head. “You look to be in distress.”

The wind around us is moving enough to shift my clothing and throw hair in my face. She looks like a goddess- truly living up to the name.

“I need to leave.” I say quickly, watching her face. “My father is trying to send me away- please. I need to go.”

Storm lands in front of me. “I see. And where do you plan on going?”

“I don’t know- but not here. Please. They can’t take me.” I beg. “I can’t go. I need to get out of here.”

“Why don’t we talk this over with your father- hmmm?” She puts a hand on my shoulder. “If he knows you’re this upset about it-“

“He doesn’t care!” I shrug her hand off. “I’m leaving.”

“Daken,” She says in a tone that’s hard to interpret. “If you try to leave, I’ll have to stop you.”

“I like you.” I confess. “I don’t want to have to hurt you.”

“And I the same on both accounts.” She says still somehow charismatically. “With full disclosure that we are outside. Being in the elements puts me at a great advantage… our fight would not be very fair.”

“I can hold my own.”

She nods. “Of course, of course. But everyone reacts the same to a lightening bolt… regardless of how strong they are.”

“You’d electrocute me?” I sound kind of breathy again.

“I’m warning you.” She says gently. “I know your feelings on electrical shocks…. It would not be pleasant for you.”

I glance at her. “Couldn’t you pick another element?” Why is this even a discussion? Why am I wasting time? This.... doesn’t feel like me. I feel compelled to… not attack. To stay put even. It’s almost this lazy… ‘oh well’ kind of feeling that I know I shouldn’t be in possession of.

I’m starting to suspect telepathic interference.

She actually smiles. “And what would you have me do? A gust could send you backward. Rain could momentarily drown you if it was in the right quantities. I suppose hail could be quite painful if called upon….”

“Maybe something...”

“Don’t make me fight you.” She says gently. “You don’t have it in you.”

I sigh. “I’m going over that fence.”

She shakes her head. “I’m afraid not. While we’ve been talking, I’ve alerted Rachel, your father, and several members of the staff. If you were to start a fight you’d be overwhelmed soon after.”

I can hear she’s telling the truth. I hear people making their way over to me.

“No, no, no.” I say quickly. “I’m leaving.”

“In the morning.” She says gently. “With the people who are driving a very long way to collect you.”

“I have been down this road.” I hiss. “It started a very unpleasant chapter in my life.”

“This is a facility that is nothing like the asylum.” She assures. “Your experience is something that shouldn’t be. It was illegal and unknown to most government agencies. The only think keeping it functional was Nick Fury.”

“Who hasn’t been accounted for.” I say quickly. “Who’s to say he’s not behind this one too?”

"I hate to correct you- but Fury was very much accounted for. He’s back where he always was- with a fair warning and quite a few scars as a parting gift from your father.”

He… he…

“He got away with it??” I’m floored.

“He did what he’s done for years.” She says wistfully. “He is a man of many secrets. You happened to find yourself as one of those. As for his interference- you have nothing to worry about. This is order is coming solely from Logan.”

“I…” Both Rachel and Gambit have joined Storm.

“Having problems?” Rachel asks with an almost melodic tone to her voice.

Storm arches an eyebrow and looks at me. “I’m not sure. Are we having problems Daken?”

“I’m going over that wall.” I assure, putting my hand on the black metal, testing how much grasp I can get on it.

“So we are having problems.” Rachel says with a nod. “I’d hate for you to cut your stay with us short, Daken. The kids really seem to like having you around.”

That feeling is back.

The one that says ‘don’t fight. Talk. Stay and talk. It’s the best thing to do. Talk.’ I do not want to talk.

“I’m sure they’ll survive.”

She nods. “Right, right. Your father would be very worried if you just took off, though.”

“He knows why I’m leaving.”

I’m surprised he’s not here…. She said she told him… I thought he’d be the first in line to stop me.

Not that that matters.

“You're wondering where he is?” She asks sweetly- almost. It’s odd. “He’s outfitting your room for tonight so we can keep you in. He’s alerted us to the situation and how upset you were and we’ve been told to bring you back peacefully- No extreme measures of force. So it goes without saying that we are not here to hurt you.”

“Though you probably deserve it.” Gambit grumbles, still sporting a hell of a black eye. “Daddy wants you back in your room.”

“I’m not leaving with you.” I sneer.

“Your doctor is almost here.” Rachel says. “She’ll not want to see you behaving like this." She motions to me. "It’s a horrible situation- but don’t you want to go out with some dignity left?”

“This is true.” Storm injects before I can. “You’ve been dealt the facts. The treatment that befalls you the next few days hinges solely on how you receive and react to them.” She leans towards me and whispers, “And you’re not off to a very good start.”

“I guess that's to be expected.” Remy says, holding a hand out. “Come on. Go back to bed.” Fuck him and his stupid accent.

“Get away from me.” I warn. “All of you.”

I don’t want to fight. I want to stay...

NO. NO.

I do not want to stay. I want to go!

But it’s nice here…. Bed would feel good. I’m still tired... I haven’t eaten and could use the rest.

NO. I will get rest when I get to where I am going.

“Get out of my head!” I yell at Rachel.

“I’m being very gentle.” She counters. “Small suggestions. Take them. Go to bed.”

I start to pull myself up the fence only to be grabbed and pulled onto my ass in the grass.

“Daken- I can make you come with us.” Rachel warns. “Willingly. March right back into that room- eat your food, take your pills, and go tomorrow morning without so much as a word… I don’t want to. Please- it is within your power to control how you are treated. Let us treat you like an adult- not a child who is running because he is scared.”

“I’m not a child.” I growl.

“Then come back inside.” Gambit says.

“You don’t know what he’s going to make me do!” I cry.

Rachel bends down until she’s eye level with me. “He’s doing what he has to and it’s a hard choice for him. Give him a break and do as he says. He is your guardian… legally if he says ‘go’ you ‘go’. On top of that- he is your father. One of your only relatives in this world and the only person that you can say without a doubt loves you full heartedly. Do not step on that.” She takes a breath. “You are scared. You have a right to be scared. YOU have _every_ right to be scared. But Logan would not be doing this if he hadn’t done his research.”

….”It’s too soon for him to have done any research at all!”

Rachel shakes her head. “He’s been researching day and night since he put you to bed when Johnny died. He came out of your room and started making phone calls.”

He… never intended to give me a chance.

He… planned this from the beginning.

“He loves you.” Rachel reiterates. “He planned to help you through this any way possible and he knew early on that doing it here would not work for you. So he’s pulled strings and held interviews,” She stops. “Interviews- Daken. He made them answer the questions. And he picked the best one…”

“Is it expensive?” I should cost him money. That would serve him right.

“…not really.” She says honestly. “Every hospital in the country wants to treat you. Since word got out that he was looking to place you- the phones have gone crazy.”

I grasp the fence, staring up at all of them. “I don’t want to do this.”

“But you will.” Storm says gently. “And you will do it wonderfully… because you can. There is a strength in surrender sometimes and a great beauty in letting go. Let go. Accept that this is not something you are capable of handling.”

I look at them… all of them. In their ‘teachers’ clothing. Conservative, modest, professional…. And I look at me… nothing.

This is not my fight. This is… what am I even fighting for? Freedom? What’s the point? I wanted the freedom to live a life with him… he’s not there anymore.

So what if I go back to the house? I’ll rot there. Surrounded by his smell and his memories. I roll over in that bed and have no one beside me.

Forget about me possibly ever moving on. There is no ‘moving on’ after this. He promised me forever... why would he make a promise that he couldn’t keep?

“Come back inside.” Rachel puts her hand on my shoulder. “Lay down. You can sort all of that out with your doctor.”

“Daken,” Remy adds. “Do the right thing. Ya dad’s worried about you. He’s a good man. Do this for him… if you don’t do anything else- do this.”

Logan is a good man…? Logan… well…

I mean… he’s not necessarily a bad one.

He has a capacity for caring….

And I suppose it could be said that I am within his…

I don’t want Logan to worry about me. That was never my intention…. That wasn’t my plan.

I… have been so confused with him… since he barged into that room and saved me.

He was dead… I went there thinking I’d never see him again... and then he witnessed one of my weakest moments… and then witnessed all the ones that followed.

But he’s never complained. He’s never once not believed me… he’s taken in every story, every note, every complaint I had… and he’s dealt with it.

My list of worries is relatively short because of him.

We needed a house? Paid for.

Groceries when Johnny wasn’t working?? Paid for.

Lights, water… things that needed fixing… he did that.

He….

“That’s what fathers do- I’m told,” Rachel says gently. “He does all of this for you... so you do this for him. He can focus a lot more on taking care of things if he’s not worried about you… trust me. He needs this as much as you do. The man’s barely slept this week.”

“Fuck.” I sigh. I can’t get away. Even trying to take them on… I wouldn’t get far. There’s more inside.

“I know.” The redhead says with a nod.

The lawn is green... smells fresh. There are a few trees back here… it’s actually very pleasing to look at. I wish I’d known it was like this back here… I would have liked to spend more time-

“You can when you get back.” Rachel assures, offering me her hand. “And you will come back.”

Not really having another choice, I take the offered hand- shrugging the woman off when I’m on my feet.

We walk back towards the school… me and my ‘escorts’. Kids are pressed against the window dispersing with audible groans when they see us.

“They wanted a fight.” Storm notes with a chuckle.

“They wanted to see Daken’s claws.” Rachel corrects. “The kids are interested… someone said they’re different from Logan’s and black. Someone said they’re even curved. It’s become a weird bit of fascination… people are wondering what’s underneath Logan’s adamantium now.”

I snort. “They’re not black… just dark.” I look down at my hands. “And not particularly curve- where are they getting this information from?”

“Someone said they saw you pop your claws when you were opening something in the cafeteria. Apparently, she said they were black... and curved.”

“Tell them to stop looking at my claws- it makes me nervous.” I grouse.

“I’ll pass the message.” She chuckles again.

The four of us stop at the stairs, watching Logan come down. “You snuck out your window.” He says in lieu of a greeting. “Like a teenager.”

I could say anything but I own up to it. “Yes… I’m-” It won’t come out. “I’m…” I’m choking on it. “What I’m trying to say is…”

He stares at me oddly. “Are you trying to apologize?”

I just nod.

He smiles a little. “Your windows nailed shut.” He says. “And there’s now a camera and an alarm set up outside your door. I’m going to set it when we put you to bed. Hank said it has a force-field in it. Get too close to the receptor and it’s going to lock you in until we turn it off.”

"That's fair."

Logan looks over me to Rachel. "What'd you do to him? He's a little too..."

"Calm?" She smiles. "He was just upset.... he's tired now. Send him to bed and let him rest. It's been an upsetting day and getting news like this is never pleasant."

He turns to me. "I'm serious about the alarm- son. If you try to leave..." He stops. "If this is a trick- you will be caught."

“...good to know.” I grouse.

He nods. “How much damage did you do the building?”

“Not as much as I could have.” I assure.

He smiles again. “… Go to your room.” He says with a nod. “Your doctor will be there soon… when she's gone I’ll bring you your dinner.”

Numbly I nod.

He grabs my shoulder as I climb the stairs past him. “Thank you for not causing a scene.”

I shrug him off. “There’s still tomorrow.”

He actually chuckles, letting me go and walking down the stairs to greet his staff.


	15. Wheels

“It’s a very nice place.” She said. “Expert therapists, great techniques- the food is incredible.” She sold the place very hard. “You’ll be so relaxed, Daken. It won’t even feel like a hospital. It’s more like a vacation…. You need a vacation.”

Fine, fine. She wants to sell it like a resort? I’ll play that game.

At least that’s what I thought when I met with her last night… this morning- this morning is a different story. I feel like there’s some wild animal loose inside my stomach. It’s in knots and it’s been hard to think completely straight. Logan came in with those gloves that I hate- The ones that run up my arms and block my claws.

He came in while I was still sleep confused. I didn’t even realize what he was up to until the right hand one was on. When I started to object- he fastened the left one as well and then backed off before I could punch him. I can’t get the damn things off myself. They’re wired so that when they come too close to each other the release mechanism shuts down. ‘Accidentally’ pushing that release button up against something else is also impossible… Reed really, really, REALLY wanted those gloves to stay on. He designed them with me in mind.

I’m at least grateful for the fact that they’re fingerless. Not being able to feel things is a pet peeve of mine. I don’t like any of my senses being stripped from me. Taking touch and blocking my claws would have been grounds for someone to be seriously injured.

“It’s dark out.” I complain, sitting on my bed and watching him.

Logan tried to get me to pack my own bags…. But I’m too nervous to even move from the bed. I played it off as being difficult and he didn’t seem to think anything of it.

“Well… it’s four thirty in the morning.” Logan says, shuffling my clothing into a duffle bag. “Do you want this?” He holds up the transmission receptor that I honestly haven’t touched in so long that I forgot about it.

“Why would I want that?” I exhale, running hand through my hair. I’m concealing my scent as best I can- so he doesn’t pick up on it… it’s actually a little taxing. When he gets too close my anxiety sky rockets- meaning I have to pump out more pheromones. He apparently hasn’t scented those either- which is a good thing I suppose… I pretend I’m not a little upset that he’s so… dense. Logan’s always been dense though. This is nothing new. “There aren't going to be any calls-“

“He was sending you messages.” Logan reminds me. “They’re still on there.” He taps the glass with his finger. “This thing has incredible storage… it might be helpful.” He offers the last part quietly.

It still has messages… in fact, I never checked for any additional messages since I got the first one…. I just got busy and then the incident happened. And honestly, last night was my first night out of the med wing in a while… I haven’t had the time to look at it.

“I’ll pack it for you.” He says just as quietly before glancing over at me. “Are you going to get dressed? They’ll be here soon.” He passes me a folded stack of clothes. “Here.”

I just glare at him. “And who’s ‘they’?”

“The psychiatrist and some-” He stops.

“And some what?” I growl.

“Backup.” He says, stopping his packing. “I told him he might want to bring some backup.” He looks down. “I thought you’d be giving us more trouble than this.” He puts the clothing on the bed beside me. “Get dressed.”

Ah. So he expected a scene.

I ought to give him one.

“I’m tired,” I repeat. “It’s hard to fight you this early in the morning.”

He nods. “Doctor’s will have you processed and in your ward by breakfast…” He pauses. “If you don’t give them any trouble.” He looks down at the duffle bag. “You aren’t planning on giving them any trouble… are you?”

Trouble? Me? Never. I’m going to go peacefully.

… Him on the other hand? I’m not getting dressed. I can’t move. My fingers are numb.

“Put your clothes on.” He repeats. “I want to take what you’re wearing and pack it.”

“Do I really have to wear the gloves?” I grouse instead of answering.

Logan looks up, zipping the bag at his feet. “Yes- you do. And that’s not an answer.”

“I’m not going to stab them.” I try to persuade. “These gloves are … unpleasant.”

He lifts the bag up on his shoulder. “Padding off?”

I glance down, trying to think of a better excuse.

“Is the padding off?” He repeats.

“No.” I answer somewhat sullenly. “The padding is fine.”

“No, no.” He says, walking over to me and taking my hand in his hands and observing the gloves. “Let me see.” He sticks his forefinger between the glove and my hand, feeling for the padding that keeps the metal directly off of the skin. His interference makes the glove unbelievably tight.

“Ow.” I complain. “Logan- that hurts!” I snap the last bit.

“I know- hold on a second, I’m almost done.” He checks the other side, stopping and looking at me curiously. “There’s a crack in this...”

“Is there?” I try to sound surprised.

He actually looks impressed. “What are you doing to them?”

“Nothing.” I lie.

As petty as it seems- I like to break the things Reed makes for me…. I like to break them and then not tell him how I broke them and see if he can guess. Reed has a full desk in his lab devoted to things used in my ‘care’. Logan trusts him above all else…. Which is weird considering that Logan’s 'Avenger’ status grants him access to Tony Stark.

“Bullshit.” He crosses his arms over his chest. “This pair is what… four months old? You never told us how you got out of your last pair… And last time you wore these it was for about two weeks.”

“Your point?”

“My point?” He raises an eyebrow. “You’ve had time to fuck it up.”

The gloves are successful and holding the claws back all but an inch. It’s unpleasant, but if I extend, I can get the claws out a small distance inside of the gloves. If the gloves are tapped repeatedly -and I mean repeatedly....in a fast succession- they wear down over time. It takes weeks however and is actually acutely painful.  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I pull my hand away from him.

“Okay then ‘Houdini’.” He chuckles. “Just know that they will have spares on hand.”

Fine. That’s fine. There’s always my pheromones. If they get too bothersome I’ll just send them away. It will come in handy with the doctors too… I think I’ll give it at least two days before I start working on them. I’ll be out before the week is up…. Logan’s little game will have been meaningless.

“It’s dark in here.” He comments, repeating my statement from earlier. “Will you please let me turn on the light?”

“No.” You’re uncomfortable? Good. Now you know a little bit of what I’m feeling.

“How about the lamp?” He presses.

“...No.” I repeat. “I don’t want any lights on.”

“You were just complaining that it was dark…” He points out.

“And now you’re complaining.” I offer him a smirk. “And that makes me happy.”

That’s a bold-faced lie. “Happy’ is the very last thing I am right now. I’m glad he’s not too close to me... I’m sure if he were he’d see my hands trembling.

“Fine, fine.” He starts moving that stupid bag he’s set beside me. It’s not one of mine and he hasn’t been putting anything in it.

He’s turned around from me, digging in it. “Your doctor said you would ‘object’ to this next part.” He says, back still turned to me. “Try not to ‘object’ too loudly. People are sleeping.”

When he turns back, I grimace and get to my feet. “NO.” I growl. “Put it down.”

He got a small metallic circle with him… one that’s design and purpose are something no mutant alive would want to see. Let alone willingly allow themselves to wear. “See, this is the part I knew you weren’t going to like.” He takes a step towards me. “Object while holding still- will ya?”

“Put it down Logan.” I snarl. “I’m warning you.”

The power restraint collars are something the X-men dealt with originally. They’re used in all mutant containment camps that have ever existed. Honestly- I didn’t know it was legal to still produce them. Some mutants are too powerful for them- there have been some short circuiting problems and people have been seriously injured. All in all- it’s something that the leader of an ‘X team’ of any name or faction should never be holding. It’s going against his very principles.

“It has to be done.” He pushes aside my complainants and maneuvers the circlet towards my neck. I have two choices- duck or punch. His moves are limited in the small space we’re standing in. My getting off the bed puts me towards the door… but I’m pretty sure I heard someone out there with him before he came in. It would be like him to put a guard at the door.

I choose ‘punch’ just as he chooses ‘lunge’. The end result is him getting the wind knocked out of him and me getting the power restraint collar around my neck. He swipes the electronic key card over it too quickly for me to stop him- locking it in place.

He wheezes, bent over and ignoring my glares.

“Take this off.” I demand, jamming my fingers under it and pulling.

He shakes his head, straightening himself up. “That one’s tear resistant, shock resistant, water proof… it’s not coming off until you leave that building…. So get used to it.”

“This is unfair Logan.” I growl, storming back over to the bed.

I'm... powerless. 

I don't think I can fight my father without my powers. 

If I get away, he'll have the advantage of knowing the territory. Which in my displeasure of being here, I've failed to chart out. 

“No. What you would do to those people if you didn’t have that collar on is unfair.” He says. "I've seen you at work. They wouldn't stand a chance." He shakes his head. "Especially not with how your powers have been acting up. There are going to be other people there, son. Sick people. Like you. We can't take a chance on you making anybody worse on accident." 

I'm floored.   
  
"I can control myself!" 

"No, you can't." He stands there, an unmovable force. "Besides, it's just a little collar. How bad could it really be?" 

“This doesn’t block any of your powers!” I feel like I’m talking to a wall. “You have no idea how it feels to be cut off from them!”

“And how does it feel?” He questions, sitting on the bed.

“Unpleasant.” I turn on him. “Remove it. Now.”

“Is it tight?” He questions, going back to my bag and messing around with some of the clothing.

“Is it tight?” I mock.

Logan chuckles. “That’s very mature Daken.”

There’s a soft sound.

Even from up here we hear it- someone at the door.

My heart beat sky rockets.

“That’s them.” He says quietly. “Let’s get you-“

“Take it off.” I growl. “Or I won’t go.”

“Linking those cuffs together would be very easy- son.” Logan says darkly. “Let’s go.”

“Take the fucking collar off of my neck.” I say slowly, pushing him back to the bed. “I am not an animal… and I do not need to be collared like one.”

“Look-” He exhales just as slowly, I’m sure he’s counting in his head. “The collar is slender- right? A lot less chunky than they used to be- trust me. I saw the originals. It’s a precaution- “

“I don’t give a fuck what it is!” I yell. “Take it off!”

“They’ll hear you yelling.” Logan warns. “They’ve been told that you’ll be a handful. If you think for one second that they didn’t come with systems in place for a successful retrieval- you are lying to yourself. Come peacefully.” He looks down for a second. "I don't want to watch them drag you off." 

“Take it off.” I repeat. I don't care what he does and doesn't want to watch. This is his fault. Every bit of it. If he's 'uncomfortable' or 'uneasy' then he deserves it. It's a drop in the bucket compared to my discomfort and unease. “I can’t believe you even have this! Blocking mutants from their powers is something you’re supposed to be against!”

“I’m protecting the humans that are being dragged into this.” He says lowly. “This is not a ‘mutant containment’ issue. It is simply a containment issue that involves a mutant.”

Romulus raised me to value my powers. He raised me to be efficient and thorough with them. To revel in the effect they had on others.

…. The last time they were taken away was with Shifter. And I swore never to let that happen again. 

“Take it off Logan.” My voice is low. “Take it off.”

"No." He glances me over. "You're getting upset. Like 'cry' upset. Not 'mad' upset. What's going on?" 

"What do you think is going on?" I hiss at him. 

"Easy." He instructs. "No one here wants to upset you. Just come with me and go to the car. It's that easy. You'll be gone for a few weeks.. a month maybe. If it's any longer the doctors will be upfront and tell you about it." 

"That's how it fucking starts!" I cry in exasperation. 

I went for weeks with people telling me I could go and then changing their minds.   
  
Who's to say that doesn't happen again?? 

Logan stands up from the bed, grabbing my bag and pushing past me. “Come on.” He says from the door. "We can't do this today. You need to go." 

"Go? I need to  _go_?" I spit. "Becuase I'm making you 'uncomfortable'? Because you're  _embarrassed_ by me. Because I'm  _shameful_?" 

The people knock again.

Repeated knocks never mean good news.

"Because you're sick." He says calmly. "You're sick and you're going to see a doctor who can help you." 

I suppose… all of this is starting to hit me at once.

Johnny... always back to Johnny. He fought his hardest to keep me out of a place just like this. He tracked me down. He took knives for me…. He turned his own world on its head just to prevent something like this from happening.

He’s gone for not even a week and it’s happening again?

“Come on.” He repeats. “They’re waiting.”

‘to cage you… with your nice little collar around your neck. be careful mongrel… someone might think you’d make a good pet. might take you to their nice little fenced in yard and put you on a chain in the back. such a good little mutt. now follow daddy.'

I try to not acknowledge that Logan's even spoken. 

He doesn't buy that. "I know you hear me." He says. "Daken? Look at me."

I glare at him, daring him to make his next move. "That's better." He says. "You can be angry. You can be scared. You can process this however the hell you want to. You just can't do it here. You have to go somewhere safe. Somewhere where people can watch you. You need supervision and people who are used to dealing with someone with your issues. The collar and the gloves are a precaution we've had to take because of your powerset. It's for the good of the doctors, the staff, and the other patients." He waits for me to say something. When he don't he adds, "They're staying on , Daken." 

“Take it off.” I repeat sternly. “I’m not going with them with a fucking collar around my neck.”

“I’m going to get them.” He says after some thought. “I will not drag you down the stairs son… I can’t.” He pauses. “But they will.”

He leaves, leaving me speechless.

I angrily grab the collar, pulling the cold metal as far off of me as I can. I get it a good three centimeters from the front of my neck only to have it stopped by the back. Getting it over my head is going to be impossible… and there are no latches. It’s done by a key… a key that Logan is passing over to my soon to be captors as we speak.

“He’s up here.” I hear them coming up the stairs. “We’re off to a rocky start.”

A voice I don’t know responds with a small chuckle. “Ah yes. Home extractions are never pretty.”

“I don’t think you understand just how ‘ugly’ this is going to get.” Logan warns.

The man laughs again. “I’ve done this more times than I can count.” He assures. “Your son will not be the first who has resisted and he won’t be the last. All Clearwater patients are retrieved from somewhere else. The rule about not letting relatives drop them at the hospital is the main cause- of course. But I assure you- he will be just another routine pick up.”

Logan mumbles something I don’t quite catch.

“Is this him?” The man asks outside the door.

“Yea… watch the door. He’s kinda… punchy.”

“Punchy?” The man laughs again. “He’s a fighter.”

“Yea…” Logan drawls. “A very well trained one.”

“Fighters are never ‘fun’ pickups.” The man laughs. “But… we’ve got enough muscle power for one man- I assure you.”

They stand at the door. “You pick up many meta-humans?” Logan asks.

The man makes a small humming noise. “We house a variety of patients… no one is excluded and we are prepared for all of them.”

Logan lets out a whistle. “Just be careful doc… he’s…” He stops to think of the word. “Sick.” Logan settles for. “He’s acting sick.”

“Your son will be fine.” The man assures. “I give you my word as a professional and as a fellow father. Your child will be safe and cared for in my hands.” He takes a deep breath. “Now, let’s meet the man of the hour.”

“Watch the door.” Logan advises again.

“Right, right.” I’m expecting him to barge in but instead, he knocks on the door a few times. “Daken?”

Not what I was expecting.

I don’t… think I’m going to respond.

“Can we talk for a moment?” He continues.

“No.” I reply hotly. “No, we cannot.”

He pauses. “We’d like to get on the road shortly… would it be possible for you to accompany me to the vehicle?”

“No, I don’t think it would.” I growl.

Why hasn’t he just barged in? The hell is he being so damn polite for?

“Would it be possible for you to allow me into your space so we could properly meet?”

“I don’t want to meet you.” I retort, sitting on the bed and watching the door.

This position is uncomfortable and my head is spinning. I move into a more comfortable position- pulling the pillow close to my face.

“Ah.” The man chuckles. “See... with your particular issues- someone entering your space against your will would not be advised. However- in your condition, it is entirely necessary for us to do so. So I give you this warning- I am a rather large gentleman. The staff I brought with me are also rather large-” He pauses. “Though I’ve told them to wait downstairs. I’d really like for us to be able to speak.”

I groan and move more firmly up the bed until my head is at the headboard. “Go away.”

“I’m not leaving without you.” He informs through the door. “Why don’t you tell me about why you want to fight with us?”

“You’re a doctor. I’ve had enough doctors.” I growl. I’m so tired… god, I’m so tired. This is too fucking early.

“Alana said you were a very good patient all things considered. She told me that you’d do your best to comply with me.”

Who the fuck is Alana???

“Who?” I let my confusion show.

“Your doctor.” He calls back. “Alana Willis.”

Ah…

“She did mention something about you refusing to use her name… she’s told this to you on several occasions.” It sounds like he’s… sitting down at the door. “Would you like to tell me why?”

“Breeds familiarity.” I say before I can stop myself.

“Ah.” He chuckles. “Well, you seem to be at disadvantage Daken. I know your name and you have no idea of mine or even what I look like. Would you like to remedy that?”

I snort. “Sure- fine. What’s your name?” Like it matters.

“William Yolks.” He says pleasantly. “Doctor Yolks if you’d be so kind.”

“Well… William,” I stretch out his name. “I’ve decided not to go to your little ‘crazy resort’.”

“Ah.” The man pauses again. “I’m told you’ve just lost someone very important to you.”

“…. Go away.” I growl.

“And that you can’t eat, sleep, bathe, or function. You’ll find that my ‘crazy resort’ is a wonderful place for you to get your head back on straight.”

“I function fine.” I snap.

“What was your last meal?” He asks off topic.

“…What?”

“Your last meal. What was it? “

I don’t... remember.

He’s trying to throw me off and I refuse to be upset by a man who doesn’t have enough balls to come into my room. He can leave. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“When’s the last time you took a shower on your own? Your father says he forced you to two days ago… have you taken one since?”

“Well- “

“How is your sleep? Are you resting?”

‘ohhhhh. this could be interesting.’

Shut up Shifter. Like I needed you at this moment.

“How about your hallucinations? Are they quieting?”

“Look-“

“And finally,” He says over me, “How are your emotions in general? Are your moods swinging? Are you feeling a small bit of irrationality every now and then? More so when it comes to being upset?”

…. I can’t respond.

“Let me in the room.” The man says gently. “Let us talk. I know my hospital seems like somewhere you do not need to go… but a school is no place for you right now.”

“…Fine.” I mumble. “You can open the door.”

The man chuckles. “No, no no. You must open the door. This is your space. You have to let me in.”

“Like some kind of fucking vampire?” I snort.

“Please watch the language.” The man says. “I’m not too fond of the ‘f’ word.”

Fuck that.

“I’ve changed my mind.” I snap, rolling over onto my side.

“Daken, enough.” Logan groans. “Just take him.” He says to ‘William’. “He’ll do this all morning if you let him.”

“You changed your mind because I won’t let you curse?” William asks patiently, seeming to ignore Logan. I’ll be honest, people ignoring Logan pisses him off. And people pissing Logan off makes me happy. So in a small capacity, the doctor has done something I approve of. “That seems a tad extreme.”

“Please go.” I’m tired. “Come back later if you must- but go now.”

“Ah. You’re tired.” He assesses. “The SUV we arrived in is quite comfortable. You could get a good amount of sleep on the ride to the hospital. With your early arrival in mind and the fact that it will be your first day in your ward- you’ll not be asked to do anything once you arrive.”

“I don’t want to go.” I groan. “What part of that are you not getting?”

“You were fine when Doctor Willis spoke with you last night… what’s changed?”

What’s changed? It’s early. It’s dark. I’m tired. There’s a collar around my neck. My claws have been restrained. And quite honestly, I wasn’t done punching Logan.

“He’s not happy about the collar… that’s when this started.” Logan informs.

“Ahhhhh.” The man says. “That puts things in a new light.” The door starts to open. “I’m so sorry for barging in-” He stops when he sees me. “Oh. You’re… why are you curled up like that Daken?”

Curled up...? I… guess I am. I didn’t notice myself doing it.

“And you’re not dressed.” He says. “Of course, I don’t mind if you go in your bed clothes- it is still rather early… but from what Doctor Willis has told me about you- I thought you’d be dressed. Meeting me looking as you are seems a little out of character.”

Yolks is a large dark skinned man. His hair is peppered with gray and shaved close to his head and he has an impressive mustache. His eyes are dark- yet somehow manage to look calming. In the dark it’s hard to see exactly what he’s wearing but from his voice and attitude I’m willing to bet it’s something ‘sensible’.

“You don’t want to fight me.” He says into the dark. “You’re just feeling a little defenseless… we’ve cut off your powers- after all. And as good as a fighter you may be you couldn’t take all of us. You’re frightened of this new adventure you’re facing without your usual defenses.”

I can’t prove him wrong exactly. So I stay quiet.

“You will be very well protected with me.” He continues, voice smooth and calming.

It’s a ‘crazy voice’. The voice they use to talk you down when you’re being difficult or dangerous. The same one they use when they tie you to beds… all for your safety of course.

One that says ‘I understand completely’ while doing the opposite of what understanding would involve. He’s judged me unstable already. One look. One brief glimpse into my actions- and I’m already getting a ‘crazy voice’.

“Yes… I’m going to trust the person who just stripped me of my powers.” I grouse.

“The power inhibitors are worn by all mutant patients.” He says. “It’s policy. Superpowers can make containment a little difficult…. And I’m told that with your particular skills you could possibly sway the staff’s minds on delicate matters.” He offers a charming smile. “But you won’t need to. My staff is kind and compassionate. You’ll be treated with the understanding and dignity that you deserve- I promise you.”

“… If I go… when will I come back?” I ask quietly.

“As soon as humanly possible.” He takes a knee by the bed. “I swear it. You will not stay a second longer than you have too.”

I’m not going. He couldn’t pay me to go.

But… the man wasn’t lying. He is quite large.

“So,” He says in an upbeat manner. “Why don’t you get out of bed, put your shoes on, and follow me?”

“Because I don’t want to?” I counter sarcastically.

“Then…” he drawls. “We can talk about what’s triggered you. The loss of your boyfriend. How about we talk about that?”

That… is not fair.

“I’m not talking about it with you.” I growl.

“Because I’m a stranger?” He laughs. “We’ll be very familiar with each other before the day is up… no worries.”

“Is that a threat?”

That's a threat. 

That has to be a threat. 

“Promise.” He chuckles. “I make a point of trying to get to know all of my patients on a personal level and I can see that you are going to be very interesting.” He pats my side and I freeze.

“Don’t don’t don’t-” Logan quickly enters the room and removes the man’s hand from me. “Don’t touch him… especially when he’s laying down.”

“Ah.” William is standing up now. “I’m very sorry Daken. That was inconsiderate of me. Please, come with me. I would love the chance to help you… don’t you want help? Aren’t you sick of being… well sick?” He smiles. “It will be a pleasant experience…. And given your past- I’d really rather not drag you out of here.”  
I bring the pillow over my face, blocking him out.

“Alana sent me a list of his medications.” William says to Logan. “There’s a few minor tweaks I’d like to make… do you know his reactions to Thorazine?”

“He... doesn’t care for that one.” Logan says carefully.

“Ah. But did it work?”

“When he’s been particularly ill- yes.”

“Ill” I snort. “They use it to punish me.”

“Punish you?” William sounds a little horrified. “Why would they put you on a medication for punishment?”

I groan into the pillow.

“He’s not the best patient for his doctors.” Logan says quietly. “They get a little frustrated with him from time to time… the Thorazine thing only happened once. I took care of the problem.”

“Daken, I promise that you will not be ‘punished’ at my establishment.” He sounds sincere. “Does that ease some of your worries?”

‘our patients are safe. Don’t you feel safe?’ Comes to mind. What the first lady at the asylum had told me… repeatedly. And then repeated to do so after days of torture

“As I understand it you haven’t been hospitalized since you were rescued. I mean you spent a good amount of time in the Baxter Building... but that hardly counts. As smart as Reed Richards may be- he is not the kind of doctor you need. I understand- given your experiences- why you would be scared. And I inform you-“

“If I go with you will you stop talking?” I groan.

“For now.” He answers with a laugh. “We’ll be talking a lot- you see.”

“Daken,” Logan says gently. “Go with him. You’ve wasted about twenty minutes with this… you’re getting in the car, you’re going to the hospital, and you will be doing what this man says.”

Feeling a little boxed in, I pull myself into a seated position.

“Fine. “I growl. “Fine. If you want to send me away so badly… fine.”

“This isn’t about me sending you away.” Logan sighs. “Really- Daken. It’s not.”

“Then don’t do it!” I beg. “Let me stay- please.”

“Ah-” William interrupts Logan’s sentence. “Now, now.” He turns to Logan. “This would be the part of the process where you should leave.” He informs. “We…. Don’t want this to get any messier.”

“Messier? You can’t send him away!”

Logan shakes his head. “Doc- “

“You and he already have issues, Logan.” The doctor says gently. “At this point, it’s better for him to start hating me than carrying a grudge for you.”

“Hating you??? You take my powers and act like you’re going to listen to me in that fucking voice-“

“What voice Daken?” He asks gently.

“That one!” I point at him. “That one right there!”

“This is my usual tone, I assure you.” The man says and it sounds dismissive. “You should go now, Logan.” He says back to my father.

Logan looks between us. “Fuck.” He exhales quietly before turning to me. “I’ll come see you once you’re settled in- okay? Probably tomorrow afternoon… Go quietly and do what he says.” He turns to the good doctor. “Take care of him.” He says seriously. “Please.”

He starts to walk out and I’m floored.

“Logan!” I yell at him. “Don’t you dare leave me with them!”

He’s not coming back. He’s not even stopping.

“Logan!”

William is standing over me. “So your shoes….”

“Why did you send him away??” I growl, standing up from the bed.

I’m still taken back by just how big this guy is.

“We don’t involve family members more than we have to.” He says gently. “It breeds hostility. It is not your father’s fault that we’re here.”

“So it’s mine??”

“It’s your illness’ fault Daken.” he says with a smile. “No one is blaming you.” He walks around the room, going as far as to turn his back on me. “So your… shoes.” He says thoughtfully. “We can’t take you barefooted.” He roots around. “My it’s dark in here.”

He keeps turning his back on me… not looking. If I… could get to the door while he’s not looking-

“Hey now,” He chides. “I see you inching towards the door.”

I hadn’t realized I’d been moving.

“Here we are.” He bends down and picks up the shoes I discarded last night from underneath the dresser. He sounds so damn happy.

I continue to stare at him- looking for a weak spot. Once again- he’s a very large man.

“I was a boxer.” He says randomly, not looking up from inspecting my shoes. “Your stance suggests you’re thinking of fighting me….” He turns to face me. “So get it out of the way. Make your attempt- pretty much everyone does.”

I stand there watching him. “You want me to hit you?”

“Your claws are restrained, your powers are stopped, and I’m in your space forcing you to leave. I’d say you deserve to at least try to hit me.” He smiles.

“You don’t want me to hit you.” I scoff.

“You’re right- I don’t. But I’m going to let you get it out of your system so we’re not dancing this dance all day. You think you can take me… you think you can take me down and get away from me. So take a shot and let’s see.”

I go to move… I mean he offered…. But my muscles aren’t working. I end up shaking. “I just don’t want to go to your stupid ‘resort’.” I grimace, putting a hand on my arm and feeling the gloves against my skin. “I don’t want to fight you.” He’s too big. Easily … never mind that thought.

“Alright.” The man walks over and hands me my shoes. “Do you have another pair? We’re going to have to take the laces when we get to the ward.”

Johnny packed for me. And he only packed the tennis shoes…. He wasn’t expecting me to be hospitalized.

“No…”

“We’ll see what we can do at the hospital.” He waits while I bend down and slide the shoes on. “Your father’s already loaded your bags into the car… so we’re ready to go.” He claps his hands together. “Would you like to lead the way?”

I can’t believe I’m doing this.

I don't want to do this.

I never wanted to do this.

How the fuck are they getting me to willingly do this??

“All you have to do is a take a step.” The man says quietly. “That’s how you deal with general fear and anxiety. Break it down piece by piece. You’re afraid of what’s happening- you’re anxious about it. Break it down into steps. Step one- leave the room. See how easy that is? You’re by the door already. All you have to do is walk out.”

I can’t help but pause. I can’t… do this. I can’t believe they want me to do this… like this was my idea! Like I’m not being forced into it!

“One step.” His hand graces my shoulder. “Come on. One step.”

“I don’t need you coaching me on how to walk.” I snap.

“Is that so? I’ll stop when…” He offers me a smile. “We’re outside the door. See? That was easy!”

The hallway is too bright. Way too bright. I almost walk back into the room just to be petty.

“Your father’s school is quite beautiful.” He comments, hand on my shoulder again.

“Please don’t touch me.” We’re going down the stairs. How is he making me do this?

“I’m not ‘touching’ I’m ‘guiding’.” He says with that oh so pleasant laugh. “I’m not a hundred percent certain that you won’t try to bolt when we get to the door.”

At the bottom of the stairs are two... rather large gentlemen. One with curly blonde hair and one with black hair pulled back into a ridiculous bun. Backup. Right.

“Gentlemen.” He greats. “This is Daken.” he turns to me. “Carl,” He points to the blonde and “Mark.” That’s man bun. “They’re part of the wonderful staff at Clearwater.”

“Security guards?” I grimace at the thought of it.

“Eh.” Carl shrugs. “You could see it that way. We just make sure that everyone’s safe.”

Mark nods. “Speaking of… we’re going to have to search you for sharps before we let you in the car.”

Please.

“Oh his sharps are contained.” William actually picks my hand up and shows him the gloves.

I yank it back with a snarl.

Carl looks between his boss and his coworker. “Does he need something to…”

“Oh no.” William laughs. “No, no. He’s just a little agitated. He’ll settle in wonderfully once we get going.”

“A ‘little agitated’ almost made me wreck last week.” Carl says cautiously.

“We took precautions,” William assures. “His father warned us ahead of time that he’d be a handful. You won’t wreck.” His hand on my shoulder tightens. “Car pulled up front?” He questions.

“Yes sir.” Mark says. He looks me over. “Are you sure we don’t need to give him just a little- “

“His meds aren’t due for a quite a few hours.” William dismisses. “And he’s very tired. I’m betting he’s asleep before we hit the highway.”

“If you’re sure.” Carl says.

“If makes you feel better I’ll keep the emergency bag in the back with him.”

“That…” We stand for a second while Carl weighs it. You can see the conflicting thoughts on his face. Finally, he says, “That would work well, Doctor Yolks.”

“Splendid!”

I look back up the stairs… no one is moving. No one is awake. I bet even Logan went back to bed.

“You’ll be back before you know it.” William says quietly. “Come along.”Stepping outside is hard... it’s slightly cool in the early morning. The front driveway is a circle of smooth pavement. Right in front of the entrance to the school is a tan Escalade. New. Fancy. 

Nothing that screams ‘mental ward transport’.

I’m slightly impressed.

“You like it?” William asks pleasantly.

I watch the two ‘guards’ fall behind us as we go.

William opens the left side door and suddenly I want nothing to do with him.

In the back seat there’s a ... cage. That’s what it looks like. Like there would be in a cop car. Something to hold people back. A dark metal grid that extends over the entire section of space between the back of the car and the front. It’s so large that there’s barely any leg space left.

“Now I know that this seems a little daunting-” He begins.

“So you want to collar AND cage me??” I demand.

“Daken-” He holds his hands up in front of his- Christ. He’s wearing some kind of sweater vest. I didn’t sign up for this… Mr. Rogers bullshit! “It’s not a cage. It’s just to keep you in the car.”

“I’m not going with you.” I snarl. “You’re going to treat me like some kind of fucking animal-“

“Easy there.” Carl puts both his hands on my shoulders. “Let’s just ease you into the car.”

“I’m not-” I’m starting to shake. I can’t stop these people. “I want to talk to my father.”

“No, no. I can’t let you do that.” William says, “Carl, if you’d please give him a little help into the car.”

Carl’s ‘help’ is not rough, but it’s not gentle. And he’s a lot bigger than me. I’m suspecting some-

“You’re meta- aren’t you?” I grouse as he pushes.

He smiles. “Not X-men level but yes- I am a mutant. Came in handy for my job.”

Super strength. Well… not super I’m guessing. Just slightly…

“You’re not wearing a collar.” I point out, throwing my shoulder into him as he starts gaining some ground.

“I’m not a patient.” He huffs.

“Let me talk to Logan!” I demand.

“Daken now- you’re making this hard on yourself. I sent Logan away so he wouldn’t get caught up in this very situation….”

I groan, pushing back against this almost unmovable force that’s corralling me.

“Damn it. You’re stubborn.” Carl exhales with effort. “Doc- he’s not going in that car… we should sedate him.”

“I’ll break something before I go with you.” I growl, putting my hand on the outside of the car as he manages to get one of my legs in.

“Mark- if you’d go around the other side and just pull him in I think we’d be done here.” William whispers to Mark.

I can’t fight him off while I’m trying to fight super strength off at the same time.

I push into Carl harder than before. He chuckles. “Doc- he really doesn’t want to go in… might need a little ‘help’.”

William- from what I can see of him- looks a little distraught. “I was hoping we could avoid sedation… I really don’t want him to wake up in the hospital unaware of his surroundings… I thought he’d adjust better if he were conscious and walking to the ward himself.”

“I’m not going with you.” I growl, pushing. Carl pushes back.

I feel the incredible pressure in my wrist… growing and growing. It’s going to pop soon.

I feel it mounting and prepare for the ‘sting’ that comes from breaking your bones when suddenly the world is moving sideways. Mark as an arm around my waist and is hauling me back through the car. He gets an elbow to the face- when Carl tries to help, he gets a foot… and when the doctor enters the car behind me- I flat out punch him.

“Ow!” He hisses. “Oh my that smarts.”

“Doc-“

“Oh, he’s fine.” He dismisses. “Might have to strap him in.”

The seats are leather… smelling new. The carpet in the car smells strongly of cleaner- but not the good kind. It smells like they’ve cleaned up vomit… and very recently. As in… a day or two ago.

It sets a lovely mood for the car ride that’s looming in front of us.

I try to go for a second hit- but Mark grabs my hand and pins it by my side. When that ones down he grabs the other and pins it as well.

“What are you doing?” I demand. “Let go!”

“Be careful now Mark…” William says patiently. “He doesn’t do well with being manhandled…. Particularly by strange men.”

What?? Why the fuck does the help need to know that? “Why the fuck would you say that to him?” I demand, turning on William.

“Our staff shares need to know patient information. I count your repeated assaults as ‘need to know’… it affects your behavior after all and- “

“My ‘repeated assaults’ are not the security gauds business!” I yell.

“Calm down now.” Mark says. “Just going to put you in restraints.” He says in an almost soothing tone. “Just for the ride. We can’t have you going after the doctor.”

I struggle almost hard enough to buck him off. When I think I’ve got him, William leans over and links the cuffs together with some kind of zip tie. I’m too stunned for words. He’s climbed up into the seat beside me and arranged himself comfortably. It took him two seconds to shackle me… all because I let fucking Logan do the ground work.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

“Undo this.” I state in shock.

William shakes his head. “Close his door if you will Mark.” He smiles to the man.

“William-“

“Doctor Yolks.” He corrects.

“Why are you doing this to me?” I growl. “I don’t want to go with you and trust me- you don’t want me there. Do us both a favor and-“

“Why would you say that I wouldn’t want you at my facility?” He sounds shocked. “Of course I want you there. I’d like to help you more than anything.”

I feel like I’m going to be sick.

“Please- if you want to help me- then let me go.” I try to reason.

The car lights are blaring into the darkness around us. They reflect in the tinted windows of the SUV unpleasantly as Mark closes the door.  
“You will find my facility absolutely wonderful- Daken. You’ll be well cared for. You can mourn as you wish while remaining in a secure and safe environment… we’ll be able to help you.” He stops. “I’m told that your boyfriend did most of the work in your care… it’s going to be hard to find someone to fill that void…”

“Fill that-“

“Not the void he left in you, rather the one he left when it comes to your care. We can learn what you need and prepare your caretakers on the outside to deal with you.”

Crazy boot camp. They’re going to make a nice little step by step ‘what to do’ manual for everyone I interact with.

William just smiles. “Daken- I know this seems uncomfortable and awkward and- if you’ll allow me to say so- somewhat frightening for you… but I promise you what I promised your father- you will be very safe and very well cared for.”

‘nice padded cell.’ One of the women whispers. ‘with a nice little collar around your neck. and your nice little chains.’

“Can you fasten your seatbelt?”

‘maybe they’ll have their very own shifter for you.” Shifter says. “not as good as the original of course… but it could happen.’

“Seatbelt?”

‘with johnny boy dead and logan shipping you off to god knows where…. who is left to fight for you mongrel? no powers, no claws… you can’t even out fight the old doctor. what chance do you have for escape?

“Daken? Are you listening?”

I zone back in on him. “What?”

“Your seat belt.” He says calmly. “Would you please buckle it?”

“…. No. How could I?”

“Your hands are not that restricted.” William counters, reaching over me and pulling on the belt.

I try to hit him again, but don’t get very far. He restrains my hands by grabbing the zip tie and holding them away from himself.

He fastens the belt and then turns his attention to the men up front. “Carl- do you think it’s too early to hit a drive thru? I’d really love some coffee.”

What? “You can’t ‘hit a drive thru’ with me in your car!” I say in exasperation

“I’d offer you some as well.” He says pleasantly. “No worries.”

“How the fuck am I supposed to drink anything?” I lift my hands up. “You cuffed me.”

“You…” he looks at me. “Have an excellent point. If you wanted I could hold it for you-“

“Pass.” I sneer.

The car starts to move. Though I know it’s useless, I go for the door handle... only to find it missing.

“This is a transport car.” William says with a chuckle. “Did you honestly think it would open from the inside?”

I shift in the seat. “Do a lot of your patients try to escape?”

“Until they actually see the hospital- yes. Clearwater is a wonderful place. I’ve crafted it to truly help people. Our patients receive the best treatment we could possibly give them.” He smiles. “And, as of late, we’ve started taking on more super powered individuals. We’re actually making quite a name for ourselves since-“

“Since I ran off Samson.” I interject.

There’s a dense silence before he nods. “Since you scared off Doctor Samson, yes.”

“Aren’t you worried I’ll do the same to you?” I threaten. Probably in vain- but it’s worth a shot. I’ve talked myself out of sticky situations before…. Not trying would make me feel a little useless.

He actually laughs. “Daken, I plan to do nothing illegal with you or anyone else. I will have no reason to flee.”

“You heard Logan.” I try to work and angle that I know probably won’t work either. “My doctors find me hard to deal with. You don’t know what I’ll push you to.”

He laughs again. “Oh my. I think you and I are going to have a wonderful time.”

“I’ll drive you as crazy as I am.” I threaten. “If the collar slips-“

“Do you really want to threaten me with your powers?” This is still said in a good-natured sort of way.

No... no I don’t. This man…

He’s seeing through all my games. I cannot get him to fear me.

“Let me tell you what’s going to happen- so you’re not nervous.” He pats my knee with his hand. “We’re going to hit a drive thru because I am in dire need of coffee, hit the highway, get off at a lovely exit that’s nothing but countryside- it’s quite beautiful.” He sighs after that. “When we arrive at Clearwater they’ll take you into processing- draw some blood, check for contraband, get you washed up if need be… I don’t think you’ll need it. That’s for mainly the shut ins we get… after that, you’ll be taken to your ward… I believe when I finalized the paperwork it was the “C” block. It’s very calming- I assure you. Once there the head nurse will show to your room and get you some food. The rest of the day we’ll show you around the hospital and you and I will make up a schedule for you for the next few days from the listed activities.”

“Sounds like camp.” I grouse, the car makes a slight bump, adding to the mounting nausea in the pit of my stomach.

“Did you like camp as a child?” He questions pleasantly.

“Please. I’m older than you are.” I growl. “The only ‘camp’ I went to was boot camp. And it was not fun.”

“Then,” he drawls. “You’ll find this very exciting and-“

“Relaxing?” I interrupt. “That’s what everyone keeps saying.”

“McDonalds alright?” Carl calls back.

“Yes. Please.” William puts a hand on the side of the metal grid in front of us. “How are you feeling? I was told that your last... shall we say ‘experience’ was done with you sedated. This is why I’m stressing that you not be sedated this time around... though admittedly it would have been a lot easier on everyone if you’d been sleeping.”

“I’m sorry to be so inconvenient. Next time you abduct me I’ll be sure to plan on coming quietly” I growl.

“I’m hardly ‘abducting’ you.” He grins. “All of the people involved in your care know exactly where you’re going.”

I feel like the silence between us is awkward- but I let it sit.

“So… we’ve got some time on our hands. Anything you wish to talk about?” He says after a few minutes.

“No.” I sneer, directing my attention out the window. We’ve long left the school… probably even the town it was in. In the distance there’s the horrible lighting and garish colors of a McDonalds. I’m waiting to see if the good doctor will realize that he’s in a cage with me and therefore unable to take his precious coffee.

“See anything good on TV?”

“No.”

I try to make the silence awkward for him… going to let off a gentle stream of pheromones that-

There’s a small beep- minuscule. You wouldn’t have heard if you weren’t sitting next to me. And the pheromones refuse to come to my usual call.

“Collar.” He reminds quietly. “Sorry for that.”

“Oh.” I grouse. I try again, receiving a slightly louder beep for my efforts.

“It get’s the louder the harder you push.” He says. “And sometimes the buildup of trying to use your powers while they’re blocked can make people nauseous.”

That’s just lovely. Wonderful.

“You control pheromones if I remember reading correctly… was that your initial power? I was told by someone that the claws were actually a secondary mutation.”

“Who’s telling you about my ‘mutation’?” I growl.

“It’s in several of those journals published about you… if I remember correctly one of the doctors who was with you are a particularly rough spot even started to suffer your mood based symptoms… he had to be hospitalized for a few days.”

“Hazards of the job.” I snort.

“Indeed.” He says. “So was it your original mutation?”

I exhale loudly. “Do you like talking about your physiology with strangers?”

He actually laughs. “No, I suppose I don’t. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable- it was not my intention at all.”

He’s… sorry?

Our driver orders three coffees from the obnoxious loudspeaker before looking back, “Do you want anything?”

“Out of this van.” I growl mostly to myself.

William chuckles. “Oh yes. I can already see that we’re going to have a lot of fun.”

I’m glad he’s amused. Personally, I feel like I’m going to be sick.


	16. You

Once you’ve seen a mansion really nothing else compares. Which I would love to say was true about Clearwater… only it’s not a mansion. It looks like a fucking castle.

Everything is tan and calming, the exterior is white and the gardens are manicured to perfection. The building is enormous. It’s got to easily house hundreds of patients.

The lawn- green. Not a blade of grass out of place… the trees are all trimmed.

The only thing that gets me is that as we pull through the gates- after showing proper ID to the guard- they snap closed behind us. If they hadn’t done that I could have easily forgotten this was a psychiatric hospital.

“It’s nice- isn’t it?” William says from beside me. “I’m glad you woke up in time to see it.”

The early morning light makes the building look almost ghostly.

The car goes down a long driveway that’s lined with some kind of fruit bearing trees and pulls into a circular ‘unloading’ area. Standing at the bottom of a small spread of wide steps into the building is a woman who’s accompanied by three men... all looking to be dressed in the same garb as Carl and Mark.

“Carl, why don’t you roll down the window and tell them we won’t be needing this much backup. I’m sure Linda and myself will be fine.”

Carl relays the message and the men disperse.

The front doors open and our two guards get out. Taking the time to stretch and pop their backs and various joints.

William’s door is opened first and he closes it upon exiting, leaving me in the car. He talks to the woman, voice muffled by the car windows, and the two of them walk around to my side.

There’s no door handle on my side or even a grip by the window. Johnny calls that the ‘oh shit’ handle and I commonly use it when he’s driving us pretty much anywhere.

I clearly hear William say my name… going over pronunciation from the sound of it. Linda- the woman he’s talking to I presume- is a middle-aged woman, brown hair sprinkled with gray and a friendly set of features. She’s dressed in pink nurse’s clothing.

“And,” He moves closer to the door, his voice becoming clearer. “He’s been asleep for the past hour… I don’t think he’s got much fight left in him.”

“It was an early morning for him.” Her voice is soft.  
She’s not exactly wrong… all the tension from this morning and the overall anxiety has worn me out.

“What kind of power set are we looking at?”

William stops. “Offensive and defensive powers. One in the form of emotional control and the other in the form of protruding weapons… or claws. Both have been taken care of and I’m assured will stay that way for the duration of his stay.”

“Claws- huh? Like…” She must do something with her hands or make some kind of gesture because he laughs.

“News spreads fast.” He comments.

The car is still slightly dark. I wish they weren’t leaving me in here to listen to their conversation.

“Oh yes.” She responds with a chuckle. “The staff have been slightly… excited to meet him.”

“Well,” William drawls. “Tell them to contain their excitement. I promised his father that he’d have a normal experience.”

She chuckles again. “And how’d that go?”

William makes a humming sound. “Not bad at all actually. He was quite an intelligent man as I gathered from his interviewing process. Looked rather young for his age… which I’m told is well over a century.”

“Over a century?” The woman whistles.

Ah. They’re talking about Logan. I’m a celebrity because people know I’m his son.

Joy.

William puts a hand on the car, I can hear the slight tap it makes. “Daken himself is seventy-six.”

“Oh.” She sounds shocked.

“You wouldn’t be able to tell it by looking at him.” William chuckles. “Looks to be somewhere in his twenties. Very young.” William taps on the glass of the window. “Move back from the door if you would Daken.” He finally addresses me.

Humoring him, I shift a little away from the window.

“Further back.” He says.

I shift a bit more, ending up on the side of the car he just exited.

The door that’s now opposite me opens up, letting in the smell of running water (I’m guessing there’s actually a stream of some sort around here) and freshly cut grass.

“Look at him,” Linda says in a tone that is a little bit awed. “My god… it’s like looking at a movie star.”

I… don’t know how to take that.

“Yes, he’s very attractive,” William says with a laugh. “Give me your hands.” He orders.

I offer them to him, having to slide forward in the seat to do so.

“Very good.” He smiles. “I expected more of a fight.”

“The gloves are containing the claws?” Linda asks as she observes my hands.

“Yes, ma’am,” William says, grasping the tie that holds my hands together and pulling on it gently. “Step down.” He orders. “I will help you keep your balance.”

He keeps a good grasp on the zip tie, probably thinking I’ll run.

“Watch your step.” Linda comments, placing a hand on my side. It’s unneeded contact. I try to pull away from her, but William stops me.

“He doesn’t like to be touched.” He informs her. “I’m sure the staff has read his file.”

She nods. “Of course, of course. Trauma patients are handled with the utmost care….”

“Yes.” The man nods. “That would be why he’s going to your ward.”

"Ah. My request went through." She says with a smile. 

"You placed the request?" William asks with a small smile. 

"I've read his file a thousand times over." 

I don't know why that makes me nervous. 

"And you pushed for placement?" 

"Well.... Doctor Morris and myself." 

"I see." He smiles, turning to me. "My staff is very involved with the patients here." He says with a smile. "See? They've all been alerted to your needs and have been making moves to accommodate you before you even set foot inside." 

"Trauma patients are Doctor Morris's specialty," Linda says to me. "You'll be right at home in a matter of days." 

I glare at William. “I am not a ‘trauma’ patient.” I turn to Linda. "And this will most definitely _not_ feel like home." 

He just smiles. “Patients don’t really get to decide what category they are placed under.”

“I’m not traumatized.” I growl.

He’s maneuvering us towards the steps to the building, Linda following a few steps behind him.

“I’d say you’re fairly traumatized.” He stops at the wide, very large, set of doors running a key card over a small scanner that’s held up by two slender poles sticking out of the ground.

The scanner is a small black box with a speaker inset into it. On the right side is a small light bulb. The box beeps twice and green light flashes. Afterward there’s a loud clicking noise.

Automatic locks.

“You’ll find my ward to be quite relaxing.” Linda says gently. “We have the best trauma care in the state.”

“I’m not traumatized.” I turn around to face her. “I won’t be treated for something I don’t have.”

She’s quiet for a second. “Consider it to be temporary placement then. We’ll decide if you are traumatized and to what degree. If you need to be elsewhere we’ll put you there.” She smiles. “See? No harm done.”

William moves his hand from the zip tie to the crook of my arm, ushering me past the large wooden doors.

Once Linda is through they close, clicking shut with obscene loudness.

“That’s a fire hazard.” I grouse.

“We have taken precautions.” William laughs. “I assure you- you will be safe.”

The inside of the room is large and circular. There are three different staircases, all large and wide with carpeting running up them, and a large nurse’s station/directory in the dead center of the room, evenly spaced between all three of the staircases.

“Doctor Yolks.” The nurse greets as we approach. “Pleasure to see you this morning.”

“And you as well Tracie.” He says pleasantly. “Linda and I have a patient for C ward. If you’d be so kind as to tell them we’re on our way up there.”

“Of course.” The woman is a Barbie doll. That’s the only way I can think to describe her. Blonde, blue eyes, curved yet tiny build… Barbie. “And this was your four thirty pick up?”

“Yes indeed.”

“Running a little late- aren’t you?” She says almost teasingly.

William laughs. “He didn’t exactly come quietly.”

“Ah.” She leans over her desk, pushes an intercom button and announces our arrival. A few seconds after she quits talking the person on the otherside  responds and she looks back up to us. “They’re ready for you now.”

“Thank you, Tracie.” Linda and William say at the same time.

She didn’t say a word to me. I don’t know if that’s considered rude or not seeing as I didn’t say anything to her either.

“East wing.” William says to me. “Right up those stairs… though to be honest, you shouldn’t at any time be down in the lobby. I’m afraid that is restricted and would lead to some rather unpleasant consequences.”

We’re moving again, towards the stairs to the right of the help desk.

“What kind of consequences?”

We actually stop moving. “You sound worried.” He muses. “You will be fine if you stick to the rules.”

“What kind of consequences?” I press, starting to pull away.

“William,” Linda clears her throat.

“Daken- you’ll be fine.” He says offering a smile. “Just follow the rules.”

“Fuck your rules!” I pull back hard, but his grip remains.

“Settle down now.” William says sternly. “All this fuss about not going into the lobby… Daken- “

“You shouldn’t have said that.” Linda says from behind us. “He’s been tortured at a medical facility… remember? Trauma.”

William puts a hand to his head, slapping his forehead. “Nothing like that Daken- I assure you. Please forgive me.” We’re not moving.

“Let go of me.” I growl.

“You need to be guided.” He counters. “Please, allow me to take you to your ward… you’ll see for yourself that it’s a safe place.”

‘safe place. you hear that? the last one was a ‘safe place’ too.’

“Stop calling it that!” I snap.

The two of them look at each other.

“Probably a trigger phrase.” Linda muses. “We’ll avoid using it.”

William nods. “Come along now.”

I try to hesitate some more, but he isn’t having it. He starts us back into motion with a secure grip on my arm. I don’t understand how this isn’t painful. It’s the gentlest man handling that I’ve ever encountered.

Up the stairs, there is a small hallway with three doors. The rug that ran up the stairs continues and branches off to each of the doors. All three are wooden, large, and have plated glass on top of them that’s secured behind two thin metal grids. Plaques beside them read ‘A’, ‘B’, and ‘C’.

“Our more… sensitive wards.” William says gently. “I’m sure you’ll feel right at home.” He pats the arm he’s holding and goes to the ‘C’ door, taking a key out of his pocket from a humongous key ring and shuffling through it.

“Mighty interested in those keys.” Linda comments from behind me. I glance back at her watchful eyes.

“And?” William asks while focusing on the keys in his free hand.

“Patients who are interested in your keys tend to try and take them.” Linda eyes me over. “And I think…”

Red Key. Large. Something imprinted on the handle.

“That you’ll have to change keys after this.” She finishes.

William opens the door and turns to her. “The keys are safe Linda. It doesn’t matter if he saw it.”

Linda chuckles. “I think it does. Daken seems to be smarter than your ‘average bear’.”

That I am.

Red key.

‘like you’re going to get your hands on it.’ Master sneers.

I will.

Red Key.

“He’s memorized it.” She says after some thought. “Look at him.”

William turns to me. “Did you?”

I glance down. “Did I what?” Coy is the way to go.

“Did you memorize my key?”

I decide not to answer him.

He looks impressed. “You did.” He chuckles. “That’s impressive.”

Linda snorts. “Change the key.” She advises. “I can see that containment is going to be a bit of an issue.”

“Containment?” I sneer. “You mean ‘imprisonment’.”

“If you’re going to be imprisoned,” William drawls, walking me through the door to the ward, “This isn’t a bad place to do so.”

The hall is huge, wood paneling on the walls and marble tiles. It’s well lit and runs down about the length of a small room until it opens up into another circular room.

“C ward.” Linda moves from behind us to our side. “The second highest supervised ward… with your condition being taken into account.”

“My not trauma- you mean.” I growl, tracking her as she moves in front of us.

Linda smiles. “Exactly.” She looks at William. “Un-cuff him. He’s on the ward now. So long as you keep your keys out of reach- I think he’ll be fine.”

William nods, taking my hands and slowly working the tie. When he’s done, I can’t think of a more amazing feeling. Finally, able to move my hands apart from each other for the first time in well over two hours.

“That’s better.” Linda says sweetly. “Move around a bit. Get relaxed.”

I don’t need her praise. I move off to the side, covertly checking the door and locking systems.

“Only way out is to be buzzed out from the nurse’s station or... have a key..” She informs.

"Nurse's station?" 

There were 'nurses' at the asylum. They handled the food. It was disgusting. They were foul people. 

But... Linda doesn't exactly seem 'foul'. 

She's got a gentle demeanor about her. 

“It’s through the next set of doors.”

“Set of doors?” I need to take all of this in. 

“There are three.” She says with a nod. “Processing is behind door number one.” She motions to the circular room in front of us. “Please come this way.”

I want to stay by the door, but William nudges my shoulder. “After you.” He says politely.

Linda is already standing in the brightly lit room. There are several curtains hanging from the ceiling… privacy curtains from the looks of it.

“Usually, we have men doing this for male patients… but most of your abuse came from the hands of other men so we didn’t think you’d mind if little ol’ me did it.”

I stop moving by the curtain nearest the hallway. “And what exactly are you doing?” I ask.

“Patting you down.” She informs. “Checking for contraband… Please come this way.” She motions a little further behind the curtain and pulls it closed into a small circle around us when I follow. “Take off your clothing.” She instructs.

“What- why?” I feel stunned at the forwardness of this.

“It’s procedure.” She says politely. “Please take it off and set it on the chair over there.”

“I don’t want to.” I start to back away from her.

“Take it off and set in the chair over there.” She repeats, just as politely as before.

More footsteps echo in the room.

“Who’s that? Who did you call in here?” I demand.

Linda laughs. “I’ve been with you this whole time. I haven’t had time to call anyone… that’s security.” She points back over her shoulder. “Doing their rounds.” She motions to the small chair. “Take off your clothing please.”

“I’m not hiding anything.” I try to be honest- I’m not. Logan checked me over this morning as well.

“Some of the contraband you wouldn’t think of as being contraband.” She informs. “I’ve just got to check you over.” She points back to the chair, “Please-“

“Take off my clothing and put it in the chair.” I repeat for her. “Yea- I got it.”

She shrugs.

The footsteps get closer- stopping outside the curtain.

“Gentlemen.” William greets.

“Doctor.” A deep voice responds. “Having trouble?”

“Oh no.” William laughs. “Just processing a sensitive patient is all.”

There’s a noise of affirmation.

“Are you working C ward this morning?” He asks conversationally.

“Yes, sir. Me and Mac here.”

“Ah. Splendid. We’ll let you know if we need more help.”

The footsteps move away from us.

“You froze up.” Linda says. “When they started talking- you froze.”

I… didn’t want strangers in the room. Two is more than I can handle. Four is completely out of line.

“How’s that ‘not trauma’ working for you?” She questions knowingly.

I regard her with a cool glance. “Could you… turn around?” I ask instead of answering.

She shakes her head and offers me a small smile. “Afraid not. Let’s just get it over with- yeah?”

Grimacing, I walk towards the chair and start to undress.

“Let me go through your clothing first.” She walks behind me and shakes out the shirt and shorts I was wearing. “Nothing in the clothing.” She calls back to William. “Please hold still.” She runs her hands over my arms and back- thoroughly but professionally. She pats down my legs quickly.

“What could I possibly be hiding?” I grouse.

“Some patients have things hidden in their skin.” She continues to pat me down. “It’s not that odd for mutant patients to hide contraband and then retrieve it once on the ward.” She’s quiet for a second. “Nothing is hidden on his person.” She calls again. “You can dress now.” She smiles. “Thank you for complying.”

‘Complying’. Like I had a choice.

Dressing with her watching is more unnerving than undressing. She is nothing but professional but it still makes me feel a little dirty.

I go to put on the shoes, but she stops me. “We’ll have to take those.”

“My shoes?” I stare at the now ‘offending’ sneakers.

“Laces.” She says almost apologetically. “Laces are contraband.”

We stand in tense silence for a second. “You can’t have my shoes… I’m not going to hang myself with- “

“Just let her have the shoes please.” William says from outside the curtain.

I feel my earlier sickness from this morning rising.

“No.” I growl. “I’ve had enough of this.”

Linda nods but walks forward anyway. “I’m so sorry Daken. Just let us process you- alright? It won’t take much more of your time.”

“You can’t have my fucking shoes.” I say.

The room takes on a slight spin… and the collar beeps again. Once, twice, three times- very loudly.

“Hey now,” She says soothingly. “Come on. It’s just shoes. We’ll get you some new ones- alright? How’s that sound?”

“I’m not giving you my shoes or going through any more of your stupid little games.” I growl. “Call someone to get me. I’m going home.”

“You can’t do that Daken.” She reaches out towards me “Give me the shoes. We’ll move this along as quickly as possible.”

“No, no, no!” I snap. “I want to go home. You can’t keep me here.”

Linda exhales slowly. “Now, why don’t we settle this when we’re in the actual ward- huh? You and Doctor Yolks can sit down and talk it all out.” She smiles again. “Doesn’t that sound better than this? You don’t want to ruin your good behavior over a pair of shoes- do you?”

“I’m leaving.” I growl. “I’m going. I’m going to walk out that door and go.”

“The door is locked.” Linda says gently. “It’s not opening.”

“Then give me the key.” More spinning of the room.

I’m not in control. I haven’t been since day one. They’ve taken me out of my element and imprisoned me. Johnny wouldn’t have let them do this.

Why did Logan let them do this?

Why did I let him let them do this?

This is my fault.

This is…

More beeps from the collar.

“Easy,” William has joined us in the circle. “Easy Daken. Come on now. You’re going to make yourself sick.”

“Let me out of here.” I say lowly and clearly.

“Daken-“

I drop the shoes and push past the both of them -out of the curtain and storm back through the hallway before pulling uselessly at the wooden door.

“That’s enough now.” William says almost gently. “Let’s settle down-“

“You settle down!” I snap, looking over my shoulder at him.

The collar beeps once again.

“I’m not the one who’s upset.” He bends down and picks up the shoes I discarded when I pushed past him. “We’ve got what we needed. Let’s just go to the next station.”

“I’m leaving.” I sound just shy of hysterical.

William stands at the end of the small hallway. “You’re not.” He corrects. “Not until you’ve settled down.”

This... isn’t right.

“When I’m calm I can go?” I try to sort out if this is a bargain... but my brain is a little foggy.

“He’s confused.” Linda sounds sympathetic.

“Probably reminding him of his previous experiences….” William says thoughtfully. “Do you think we could get some security-“

“Do not call security on me!”

I turn back around and start uselessly banging on the door.

“Daken-“

“Open the door!” I yell into the wood.

“Daken- the door is reinforced. No one can hear you and you’re going to hurt your hand if you keep banging it.” William says softly. “Come now. This is getting out of hand.”

I pound on the door hard enough to rattle the gloves- the vibrations resulting from the action prove to be almost painful.

“Let me out!”

‘trapped.’ Shifter hisses. ‘never leaving … you won’t see sunlight… do you remember how you used to like sunlight? how johnny would sit with you outside… you remember that don’t you? no sunlight. no warmth. no…’

Johnny. No Johnny. Ever again.

No warmth. No going back to my house… or sitting in my own space. No… hope. No chance at moving past this.

I uselessly pound at the door, reveling in the pain the gloves are bringing me.

‘no johnny.’ Shifter confirms. ‘just a poor little mongrel.’

“Let me out of here!”

Blood is running down my wrists- the gloves have nicked me somehow.

“You’re bleeding.” William is behind me now. “Come now- Daken. You’ve hurt yourself. That’s not a very good way to introduce yourself to your new staff.”

I go to pound again, but he grabs my hand from behind.

“Let go.” I say quietly.

“You’re upset.” He assesses. “Let’s talk about that. In the ward, once you’ve calmed down.”

I try to move the other hand, but it’s not in the right position to make any passes at the door or the doctor.

“Easy.” He says gently. “Just breathe. You’re upset… it’s been an upsetting week for you.”

Week… all of this has happened in a week.

One week... and my life is ruined.

My mind is in tatters… one week.

“You’re shaking.” He comments.

“He looks like he’s going to be sick.” Linda joins him.

The room spins again. “Perhaps we should get him a wheelchair.” William says. “I think there’s some in the storage closet over in the corner.”

“Wonderful idea.” Linda says quietly.

She leaves but William stays, holding my hand against the door.

“I knew something would set you off.” He muses. “I honestly didn’t think it would be this part of the processing, though…. I’m betting it had something to do with having to remove your clothing. Would you say that started it?”

“…Fuck you.”

He tisks at me. “That kind of language will not be tolerated- Daken. Further use of it will result in negative reactions.”

‘Negative reactions’ my ass.

“I want to go home.” I hiss

“I know you do.” He says kindly. "I know this is scary for you." 

I have to push back my rage at that statement. “Why are you keeping me here?” I ask clearly. He needs to think I'm calm. 

He pauses. “Look at how upset you just got… and all over a pair of shoes? Don’t you think that was uncalled for?”

Was it uncalled for? No. No, I don’t think it was. If anything I’ve under-reacted.

“No.” I grouse. “I don’t.”

“I do.” The man says. “Linda, please bring that over here.”

Something is pressed against the back of my knees. “Sit down if you will.” William says.

“I don’t want to.” I try to straighten myself up. “I can walk.”

“No- I think we’re going to use the wheelchair now.” The man says.

“I don’t need to use the wheelchair.” I growl.

This isn’t how it’s supposed to be. I’m supposed to be home. In my home. With my things. With him… I’m supposed to be with him. Why did he go? Why did he fucking go?

The room spins and spins. The collar beeps... and nausea in my stomach grows and grows.

“Sit down.” He brings my hand- still in his, down from the door, using it to push me backward into the chair. It’s a short fall from standing to seated. “These chairs have straps.” He says softly. “I’m just going to restrain your arms- alright? Just to keep you seated.”

Like fuck he is.

“Let go!” I struggle against him, but Linda grabs one hand and pins it while I’m preoccupied.

“Easy…”

“The fuck do you think you’re doing??” I jerk hard enough to tip the chair, sending me forward and keeping my arm behind me. There is a sickening pop and a searing pain... but I can work through it.

The latch of the restraint is hard to do one handed... and knowing that my probably dislocated shoulder isn’t going anywhere, I twist around onto my back, shifting the chair and my arm into a more workable position.

“Jesus.” Linda exhales. “Look at his arm! We’ll have to get medical down here… oh god.” She sounds worried. “He’s gonna need strong pain killers… I imagine that going over well with the other patients… and just... look at him! He broke himself! We don’t usually get patients this willful William…”

“It’s alright.” William says soothingly. “He has a healing factor so the damage once repaired will heal in a matter of moments… as for his ‘willfulness’, we will find a way to work around it.”

Work around it my ass.

The latch isn’t working. My fingers slide over the metal rod that holds the buckle together uselessly- refusing to gain a grasp on it.

“Need a hand?” William bends at the waist, leaning a few feet directly above my head. “You seem to have injured your other one- you see.”

“I know what I did.” I growl, trying to open this fucking buckle.

“Those restraints are tricky to get off one handed…” William drawls. “Particularly if you happen to be in a position like you are now… what would you call that position Daken?”

“On the floor.” I grouse, trying to concentrate on the latch.

“I can see you’re on the floor… but your position overall.”

“On my back?” I growl again.

“I’d call it a tad ‘desperate’ if we’re being honest. And for those of us keeping count,” He motions between Linda and himself, “And it is our JOB to keep count- you’ve willingly injured yourself twice in the last ten minutes.”

This latch… is not coming undone. I… really need to think of what to say next. Something to soothe this over.

“I’m trying to set a record.” I say dismissively. “Testing you.”

He takes a knee beside my head. “I see….” He drums his fingers on the wheelchair. “Linda... call security if you will. We’ll need him held down if we’re going to tip him back over.”

“You’ve won.” I blurt in somewhat of a panic. “I’ll go willingly.”

He raises an eyebrow. “Daken in the course of this morning you have attacked me, you have attacked my security team, you refused to be put in the vehicle, you refused to cooperate with processing procedures, you injured yourself on the door- after I’d told you to calm down might I add, and then flipped the chair and injured yourself again.” He offers a sad smile. “You’ve had a very busy morning.”

“…. I don’t know what you expect me to say.” Is all I can think to say back to him.

“I don’t expect you to say anything.” He informs. “It’s a clear sign of your illness- you have no control of your behavior. I’m just pointing it out to you so you can see it.”

I sigh into the floor. “I’ll come willingly. You don’t need to call anyone.”

“I am calling someone,” he corrects, “And you will still come willingly. The next step for you is to be restrained to a gurney and put on something of a serious dosage to calm your nerves.”

“I don’t want that.” I say quickly.

“Something you and I can agree on.” He looks me over. “Is your arm going to heal?”

“If I pop it back in place.” It seems like an ordinary conversation to have.

“Will you be requiring painkillers?”

“Are you offering?”

He smirks. “If you require them they will be provided for you… yes. I’m not sure how your healing works as of yet. All the studies I’ve read have been done of the other members of your family.”

Other members…

Logan and Laura. Both someone’s science experiment gone wrong.

The door opposite the one I’m trying to get out of opens up allowing heavy footsteps to come our way.

“Mac.” William greets. “This is Daken.”

“I know.” The man says cheerfully. “I saw the marks on Carl and Mark this morning. They said he was a bit of fighter.”

“Do all of your guards talk this much?” I growl to William.

“Mac is going to be working with you very closely on a day to day basis.” William informs. “I’d be nice to him.”

Mac’s footsteps come closer. “Whew.” He whistles after that. “Look what you’ve done here.”

“He has a healing factor.” William says. “He’ll heal the damage without interference. He said the arm just needs to be popped back in…. I believe we’ll have to get medical to do that-“

“I got it.” Mac says. “I know how to pop things into place. Do it all the time in A block.”

A block…? People are injuring themselves over there to the degree that makes the security guards know how to fix dislocation?

“Poor souls.” Linda says from behind us. “Had to treat a woman in there this morning. She’s a tiny thing… has two guards on her at all times. It was quite sad.”

Mac makes a noise of affirmation. “You sure this one is on the right ward? This looks pretty ‘A blockish’.”

“We’re going to give C block a try.” William says, standing to his feet. “I have faith that Daken will start to behave here shortly. I think he just needed to get all of this out of his system.”

“Right. So doc… what’s the plan?”

I can't see what Mac looks like , but his voice suggests he's another big guy. 

“If you’ll hold him down Mac, I’ll unfasten him. Once he’s unrestrained, I’ll hold his other arm and you can relocate his shoulder. Once that’s done, we sit him in the chair and Linda can restrain his arms while we hold him.”

Better plan. I let Mac hold me down and then kick him in the balls coming up, grab William’s keys while he’s distracted- and make a break for the parking lot. I don’t know exactly where I’m going- but every instinct in my body is saying that it’s not going to be here.

Mac puts a hand on my lower back, putting the other one on my free arm. “He seems to be pretty calm now.” He says.

He doesn't look like I thought he would. Pale skin, buzz cut, a small case of acne around his jaw. Somewhat like an overgrown teenager, to be honest. 

The restraint on my dislocated arm starts to loosen. “There we are.” William says in concentration. “Okay- let him up.”

Mac takes his hand off mine and starts to back up a little. I seize the opportunity to twist around and slam my right foot as hard as I can into his balls.

He falls to the ground almost comically.

While the other two are reacting, I tackle William, wrenching his keys from his pocket and sprinting to the door.

Red key. Red key.

There.

Just as the lock starts to click open, the door swings inward, knocking me back onto my ass.

A guard starts to apologize, but then gets a look at the downed people behind me.

“Wow.” He quickly shuts the door behind himself. “Wow.” He repeats.

This man looks like an actual teenager. He's the first man I've seen to be about my height. 

Mac and William are getting up off of the floor … and neither of them looks too pleased with me.

“A block.” Mac says lowly. “Definitely A block.”

Linda clucks her tongue “No. He’s too alert for A block…. Christie would be giving me hell an hour into him being on the ward.”

“…. Well if not A… and not C…”

“Definitely not B.” William says quickly. “They are completely unprepared.”

None of this makes any sense to me. I start to move from the floor, but the man in front of me shakes his head. “Oh no. You stay where you are.”

“Or what?” I sneer.

“I’m armed.” He says raising an eyebrow he looks me over. “Jesus. What happened to your arm?”

“For the record Tim,” Linda says. “He did that himself.”

“It has to be C block.” William states more to himself. “It just has to be.”

“What about….” Linda looks over this way. “ICU?”

“Oh, he’s not that far gone.” William says, waving a hand in front of him as if to dismiss the very notion.

“This is a lot of violence.” Mac weighs in.

I start to back up from the man in front of me.

“Hey.” The man says quickly. “Sit still.”

“He’s too alert for A block, though…” Linda says quietly. “And we can’t even get him inside C block….”

William snaps his fingers. “Tell you what we’ll do. Mac, go get a gurney. Tim- what do you have on you?”

Tim fishes out a small black box from his pocket. “Sedative of some sort. Didn’t really check.”

“Ah, that won’t do.” He turns to Linda. “Go get our strongest Anxiety medication.”

“Really doc?” Mac grouses. “Don’t think a Xanax is really going to do the trick here.”

“No- not alone.” He says. “But he has an anti-psychotic that was made just for him. They haven’t even named it yet.”

“Fancy.” Tim says, crossing his arms over his chest.

“We mix the two together at a high enough dose- bam.” He claps his hands together. “He’ll be awake but vastly calmed down.”

“I’m not taking anything you give me.” I snarl.

“Damn it.” Mac curses lowly.

“Go get… well, darn.” William hums to himself. “Can’t really get those in liquid form- can we?”

The small group laughs nervously.

“A block procedure then?” Tim asks quietly.

“I’m afraid so.” William walks over to where I’m sitting. “If you’ll sit tight for a second Daken- we’ll get all of this taken care of.”

“’Sit tight’ while you drug me?? I don’t think so.” I go to take out his legs, only be yanked backward.

“That would have been a nasty sweep.” Tim has ahold of my foot. “Did you see that?”

William nods. “Let’s keep him immobilized- yes?”

I try to kick Tim with my free leg... not really to escape. Just to punish him from stopping my attempted escape.

“Stop kicking.” He grouses, grabbing hold of my other leg. “Doc- are you gonna do something about his arm?”

“Right.” Mac turns around from where he was almost at the door and bends over me. “Deep breath.”

“Go to hell.” I sneer.

He shrugs and applies a great amount of pressure to my arm, finally putting the joint back where it belongs. “Alrighty.” The man smiles. “Stay put. I’m going to go get your meds.”

I struggle a little, finally doing a sit up and punching Tim in the face- to my surprise he doesn’t let go.

“Someone come get his hands!” He cries to the others.

William bends down on the floor and pins my hands by my head. “Me oh my.” He says. “Are you okay Tim? Honestly when his father said he was a fighter…. I think I should have taken him more seriously.”

“Ya think?” Tim scrunches his face. “Ah. He got my nose! Am I bleeding? I feel like I’m bleeding.”

“You’re not.” William makes a point of acquiring my eye contact. “This… isn’t how I wanted today to go Daken.”

I sit silently.

“But obviously bringing you in like this was too much for you. I should have gone ahead and had you sedated... at least a little bit.” He pauses. “I apologize for that Daken. I’ll make a note of how… irrational you get when you’re stressed.”

“I’m not irrational,”I growl. "You're irrational." 

“Yea right.” Tim mutters.

I kick my legs, making him lurch a little. “Knock it off.” He whines.

“I think for your first few days we’ll have you on the anxiety pills.” He says. “We’ll wean you off when the time comes. This will alleviate some of the general fears you’ve got boiling inside of that head of yours.”

“I’m not scared of you!” I grunt, struggling again.

“Easy now.” William looks over me to Tim. “He’s hitting his head on the floor… is there a way we could lift him?”

“Honestly?”

William nods.

“I don’t think so Doc. Not and keep him completely restrained.”

My head hits the floor again. It’s a satisfying crack.

“He’s doing it on purpose.” William notes.

I’ll knock myself out before they do- that’s for sure.

The door opens again and there’s the sound of something rolling across the floor.

“Right- put the brakes on that and standby.” William nods to Tim, and they start trying to lift me. I wrench to the left, almost succeeding in making them drop my weight- but Tim stumbles just in time to catch me. I’ve now firmly decided that Tim is my least favorite person in the room.

The Gurney is soft and cool… the restraints they’re pinning me down with are less so.

I struggle uselessly for a few seconds before giving up and laying still, facing the ceiling and trying to avoid eye contact with all of them.

“Look at that.” Linda says gently. “Forty minutes on the ward and he’s misbehaved more than the patients of all three blocks have all week…”

“Smarter than the ‘average bear’.” William chuckles. “Remember?”

I was almost there… I can get there again.

“Do we take his blood before or after the drugs?”

“Honestly- we’re not doing anything else with him until he’s calmed down.” William says. “Mac- did you bring the medication?”

“Yup.” There’s an exchange between the two men. “Claire said Xanax first.”

“Of course.” William shakes some of the pills out into his hand. “You’re already in a lot of trouble Daken.” He says in that ‘crazy tone’ again. “Take the medication without a fuss.”

I turn my head away from him.

“We will pry your mouth open.” William threatens. “Open up.”

“Go to hell.”

“Come on Daken. Take the pills.”

If I could turn my head anymore I would.

“He’s being stubborn.” William sighs.

Someone starts to move forward, but he shakes his head. “No, no. We’re going to talk this one out… the difference between A and C block is the ability to reason. I want to see that we can reason with him.”

He puts a hand on my face and turns me back to face him. “Now.” He clears his throat. “You’ve had a good morning- right? Fighting with everyone? You’re strapped to the gurney now- which I thought we agreed you didn’t want… and we’re seriously debating over whether or not to put you in ICU…”

“Your point?” I growl.

“You’ve made a mess for yourself.” William says almost gently. “Open up. Take the pills… I don’t want to have to so harsh on you on your first day. Please- help me out.”

I don’t want to take these pills… they’re going to turn my mind to mush.

“I don’t want-“

Tim- why did I know it would be Tim- shoves his fingers in my mouth, making me choke. “Swallow.” He instructs. “Come on… just...” I have to comply just to get his hand out so I can breathe. “There.” He withdraws his fingers and wipes them on his white pants. “As you were.”

“I don’t like him.” I grouse.

There’s another nervous laugh from the group.

“Thank you very much for your assistance, Tim.” William says. “You can go back to what you were doing.”

“Right.” He pats my leg as he turns around. “Thanks for the workout man…. Hope your day goes better.”

When the door closes the three remaining ‘staff’ members look me over. “There. Medicated. Restrained… tell me Daken- is this the impression you wanted to make?”

No. I didn’t want to make an impression at all.

In fact- thinking on it now- I probably should have laid as low as possible. I’ve just thrown a spotlight on myself… not good for trying to escape.

“Let him be.” Linda walks behind the gurney. “We’ve all done enough.” She unlocks the brakes with her foot. “How are you feeling? Nice and calm?”

“Go…” My words die down. I feel a fog settling over my mind. “Oh.”

“Uh huh.” She says. “Let’s get you to your room- huh?”

“Stop… talking to me like that.”

“Like what?” She starts to push the gurney. “Doctor, please get the door.”

He complies without a word.

I’m strangely fascinated with the heavy looking door as we go past.

“What don’t you want me to talk to you like?” She asks.

“Like….” These walls are so beautiful. The light fixtures aren’t like usual hospitals. It’s more… like a hotel. Yea. That’s a way to put it. This place looks like a hotel.

“Like…” She turns her head. “Jot down some of these reactions.” She says quietly. “This might be the golden combination.”

The air is cold… too cold.

We walk into another room- this one is a rectangle, though. They're more privacy curtains, each section set up with medical equipment.

“We’re going to draw some blood.” She announces, taking over like it’s something she’s used to.

I feel myself semi-slump forward. It’s… so hard to keep my head up.

When I jolt back, William is at the foot of the gurney. “Golden combination.” He repeats her earlier statement. “Fast reaction time…” He checks my pulse. “He’s a little out of it.”

A little?

I can’t keep…

What was I thinking?

I’m so fucking tired.

“Yea… we can mess with the dosage a bit…” Linda rubs a pad of alcohol down my left arm. “But you can’t argue with the results.” She looks at me. “Hey, sleepy head. Sharp sting here.”

It barely registers.

“Ah.” William runs a finger in front of my eyes. “Not tracking.” He mumbles.

“Golden combination.” Linda repeats. “First try. You’ve still got it doc.”

William shakes his head. “No… it’s too easy. I’m wondering why they haven’t tried it… or if they did and they just didn’t like the result?”

“The result is fine.” Linda dismisses, filling vial after vial with my blood.

“No,” William sounds upset. “He’s so… unlike himself.”

“He was highly agitated before.” Linda says dismissively. “All done dear.” She removes the needle and holds some cotton to it before applying a bandage. “There we go.”

“I don’t like this.” William sounds very, very upset. “Look at him… I don’t like this.”

“It’s just to get him on the ward.” Linda smiles. “We won’t do this to him every day.”

William runs one hand over his head while the other rests at his hip. “He just… has such a spark… you know? When he was in there… fighting… and now- “

“He’s fine.” Linda assures. “Aren’t you?”

I can’t even nod.

“Doctor Yolks- if you’d get the door again?”

We’re moving. Past another very heavy looking door. This room is warmer… there are tiles on the floor.

It smells wet.

“When was his last shower?” She questions.

William makes a humming noise. “I told him we’d skip this part.”

“I don’t think he really cares at the moment doctor.”

William makes a small noise. “Well, I care. He’s fine. He’ll shower when he’s himself again.”

“Yes, doctor.” Linda nods. “The door then?”

He nods and we go through yet another door.

This room is the largest of all. It opens into a wood floored room with a desk in the middle of it and two hallways off to the side. In the actual room, there are two closed doors to other rooms- probably equally big or bigger.

“Nobodies up here.” William notes.

“Only have one patient.” Linda says gently. “I had one of the orderlies keep an ear out for her.”

“Ah.” He looks to be in thought. “How’s she doing?”

“Not well.” Linda shakes her head. “Excited to bring this one up to see her.”

William raises an eyebrow. “Of course. They have a past.”

She nods. “They share one major trigger.”

The room is so nice. This is all so nice. And comfortable. And warm.

“And that would be?”

Linda clears her throat. “They both lost someone very recently.”

“Ah.” He smiles. “They can relate. Wonderful. They’ll help each other.”

“It’s more than that.” Linda says quickly. “It’s… look she lost a brother, right? Her little brother.”

“Yes, I’m aware.” William sounds remorseful.

“He lost his boyfriend.” She says this gently, as if sad to say it in front of me. “Recently.”

William crosses his arms. “You think the timelines will help facilitate healing?”

“I think…. It’s a little more complicated than that.”

“How so?” William raises an eyebrow.

“The deceased boyfriend?” She says gently, almost like she didn’t want me to hear it.

“Yes?”

“And the deceased brother?”

“I’m listening.” He prods when she stops.

“They’re the same person.”

William looks shocked… and I can’t really put my finger on why….


	17. Lose

Ugh. I feel like I was hit by a bus.

A particularly slow moving bus that threw it in reverse when it was done running me over and hit me a second time.

“Well hey there sleepy.” Linda is smiling at the foot of the bed holding a red plastic tray. “Brought you some lunch!”

Agh. The last thing I want right now is food.

“It’s nothing special. We have a lunch menu you get to pick from every day, but you were sleeping…so,” She puts a tray on my lap. “You get a burger.”

“Agh.” I groan. “My head…”

“A burger,” She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a small pill bottle, “And some Motrin! Tada! You can start singing my praises at any time.”

I sit in silence, trying to piece together just what happened this morning.

“Nothing?” She says with a hiss. “Not even a ‘thank you, Linda’?”

“Thank you,” I say numbly.

Her smile fades.

“Sure thing. Let me check something,” She reaches back into her pocket and pulls out a small slender piece of metal. “Bright light.” She warns, brandishing the small flashlight. She shines it into each of my eyes, making a small noise. “Those pills really worked you over.”

“Can I not take that again?” I ask quietly. I don’t know if she’ll have any say over that… but it seems like the right time to start asking. That and she sounded very sympathetic… might as well work the sympathy when it’s fresh.

Linda actually nods. “Sure. Sure. We won’t do that one again.” She offers a smile. “So… how about you get some of that food in you,” She opens the Motrin and shakes two out, “Take these, and come into the living room?”

I look down at the tray. “I’m not-“

“Patients have to eat at least five bites of any given meal.” She reaches over onto the tray, moving aside some napkins. “If you can’t stomach the meat- at least eat the fruit.” She passes an apple to me. “We’ll talk to Morris about your food aversion soon enough. Doctor Willis told her to watch out for it.”

“…Morris?”

“Your doctor.” She says with a nod.

“What about William?” This is confusing.

“Doctor Yolks,” She emphasizes his ‘proper’ name, “Isn’t your main doctor. He oversees all of the patients- yes. But he won’t be as involved as Doctor Morris is. She works specifically with C ward. She’s with your ‘flatmate’ at the moment.”

“…Flat mate?”

“There’s another patient in this ward.” She smiles. “If you’d hurry up and eat, I’d like for the two of you to meet each other.”

Something about that statement triggers something from earlier... but I can’t remember what it was.

“So hurry, hurry.” She motions with her hands. “Eat up.”

I take the time to look around the room… The bed I’m in is larger than any hospital beds I’ve ever seen. The mattress is definitely not standard institution quality… the floors are polished and clean, and the walls are decorated with some sort of impressionistic trio of paintings. Judging from the quality- they’re legit.

“Oh, the room.” She watches me look. “You haven’t seen it yet.” She walks over to the side of the room by the window- over where there’s a soft looking red armchair. “Reading space.” She points to a small empty bookshelf. “Someone can bring you some books.” After that, she walks to a large oak wardrobe. “Closet space.” Finally, she goes to the other side of the room and opens a slender door. “Bathroom.” She claps her hands together. “Now that you’ve seen the sights- hurry up and eat.”

She stands passively for a few seconds while I stare at the fruit in my hands.

“Five bites.” She says after watching for a second. “Surely you can give us five bites.”

She’s…. standing there.

“Can you not watch me?” This comes out awkward. I don’t know how to make it not be… and honestly, I don’t know if I should. Linda seems a lot more personable than she was when I first met her…. Maybe she’s woken up a little?

“Why?”

I’m momentarily stunned. “Why do you want to?”

“I don’t.” She smiles. “But why don’t you want me to?”

“Why would you want to?” I repeat.

“Why don’t you want me looking at you while you eat? Is just me? Is it everyone? Do you not like people watching you?”

“Do you like it when people stare at you while you eat?” I ask baffled.

She crosses her arms. “I never really thought about it- hold on.” She turns heel and leaves the room. I stare after her for a few seconds before she comes back with a pale blue lunch bag. “Move your feet.” She motions with her hand.

“What?” This woman is insane. Completely insane.

“I’m going to sit on the bed.” She informs. “Move your feet.”

“You are not getting in my-” She’s now happily sitting at the foot of the bed.

“I’m tiny.” She says with a smile. “I’ll fit.”

I stare at her for a few seconds- waiting for an explanation.

Without saying a word, she opens the bag and starts to remove various lunch items.

I continue to stare as she says nothing- apparently too preoccupied with unwrapping her sandwich. She looks at me for a second before taking a bite. After she’s swallowed, she shakes her head. “Nah. It’s not weird at all.” She takes another bite before looking at the fruit in my hand. “Your turn.”

“Get out of my bed!” I stammer.

“I’m not ‘in’ your bed I’m ‘on’ your bed.” she smiles before gathering up her lunch and standing by the door frame. “But for argument’s sake- I won’t watch you eat. I will, however, check after you to make sure you did it.”

Fine. That’s fine. It’s not like she’s asking for a terrible amount.

Eating is a chore that honestly I don’t like doing that often. It’s not a weight thing or even a head thing really- I just don’t have the time to waste on it.

Johnny was always good about reminding me… in his own awkward ways. Like breakfast in bed…. or incorporating it into other tasks. Sometimes by a mixture of surprise and me not paying attention. It’s just something I don’t like to do. Simple as that.

The fact that people force it makes it that much worse.

I have a healing factor. I’m not going to starve. I won’t be passing out because I forgot to eat for a few days.

It’s not ‘food aversion’. It’s just a simple quirk that people seem to obsess over.

Still- when you think about it… and apple is a lot healthier than a burger and a lot less work to eat.

“You ate it!” She comes back into the room and puts her hands together in front of her in a clapping motion. “Oh, that’s great.”

“… Are you going to come in here like that often?”

“What- unannounced?” She chuckles. “Privacy doesn’t really come with the package. I’ll do checks every fifteen minutes.”

“But it hasn’t been fifteen minutes.” I grouse. “It’s barely been five.”

“Yea well five bites should barely take three.” She teases. “Now,” She walks over to the wardrobe. “You’re still in your bed clothes. I’d like for you to get dressed to see your flatmate.”

“Can we not call them that?”

“Well, she’s not your roommate.” She says lowly. “That would be inappropriate.”

Not really looking to hook up but whatever.

“Anyway, put actual pants on.” She turns around. “Unless you’re not feeling it… then I’m just going have to ask that you change the shorts.”

“Why bother?” I grouse, moving the tray to the end of the bed.

“Because she’s a lady,” Linda says sternly. “And we respect ladies around here.”

What?

“Are you... the only person on this ward?” I ask after some deliberation.

Linda breaks into a laugh. “Well no- but I’m the head nurse. So when it comes to the times you’re not with your doctors- you’ll be with me.”

“… You work here all the time?”

 “The staff works for a straight year and then has  six months paid vacation.” She says. “There’s staff housing that we stay in when not with the patients…. So yes. I work here all of the time.”

“All day?”

“All day.”

“And night?”

“Nah.” She smiles again. “Tim, Mac, and Mark work the night shifts.”

Wonderful.

“So are we getting dressed or… what?”

“I,” I say clearly. “Will decide. YOU will leave.”

“I,” She says just as clearly as I did, “Will go when it is time for me to go. YOU do not get to make that call.”

“… Please go.” I feel like I’m talking in circles.

“I’ve already seen you naked.” She says dismissively.

“So???? You want an encore?” I stammer. “Get out!”

“Alright, alright.” She raises her hands. “Alright. I can see that your playfulness only goes so far… we’ll work on it- okay? Teach you how to lighten up a little bit… you’ll get really bored if you stay here with no sense of humor.”

She leaves but doesn’t close the…

“Why is there no door?” I call after her.

“We need to be able to watch you.” She calls back. “Hurry up.”

This is too much. All of this… I go to stand up and end up crouched over on the bed... just sitting here. Why am I here? Is this really the best place for me to ‘grieve’? I’ve tried to escape and botched it. Twice. When did I get so bad at this?

Stripped of my powers I’m really not that much of a threat to anyone.

“Oh dear.” Linda bends down in front of me. “I was only joking.” She takes my hands in hers. “Don’t look so sad.”

“You are so close to my face.” I grouse quietly.

“You look like you’re about to cry.”

…… “Please give me some space.”

She sits down beside me. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” I snap.

“Hey- chill the hostility. We’re going to be spending a lot of time together…. Let’s be pals- okay? I’m trying to help you.”

“I don’t want your help! I don’t want anyone’s help! I just wanted to go home!”

“Home.” She repeats. “Where did you live?”

“I-” I stop mid-rant. “What?”

“Where did you live?” She asks.

I don’t really feel like talking about it, so I look down.

“Come on. Where was it? In the city? Out of the city?”

“A place outside of the city. It’s a big... I don’t know. Country house thing.” I say quietly.

“Ah.” She nods. “Was it nice?”

“Yes…”

She nods. “How about the yard? Was the yard nice?”

“…Yes.”  
She nods again. “Did you do the yard work or your boyfriend?”

“Ah…. Johnny did the yard work…. Why are you asking?”

She cocks her head to the side. “I’m getting a picture of your life. Humor me.” She waits for a second. “Inside of the house... what did it look like?”

“It was big.”

“Uh huh.” She drums her fingers on the mattress. “A man of many descriptions. You should be an author.”

“What did you want me to tell you? It was big.”

“How about flooring... carpet, wood, tile?”

“Carpet.”

“White, brown, green…?”

“White…. This is very random.”

She nods. “What did you like about it? What was your favorite thing?”

“I don’t know.” I scoff. “That it was mine.”

“That it was yours… and that it was yours and his?” She asks knowingly.

“I guess the latter,” I mumble.

“If you had to pick something to bring back with you- if your father actually did sell it- what would you take?”

“What kind of question is that!?” I demand. And how did she know he was going to sell It??

“A real question.” She presses. “You can’t live in that house by yourself… it’s probably going to get sold. What do you absolutely have to keep?”

“He’s not selling my house,” I say quickly.

“He probably is Daken.” She squeezes my hand. “Calm down. Just tell me what you want to keep.”

“I don’t want to think about it.” I grouse, but it’s quiet.

He can’t sell my house. I live there. I can’t live with him. I can’t.

We can get along all we want- but I can’t spend my life under his thumb.

Even if he gave me my own room- completely mine- I would rot.

“You should.” She says gently. “Time’s going to come where you’ll have to make those decisions.”

“I don’t want to think about it,” I repeat, quieter than before.

Why would Logan do that? Why has he done any of this?

She nods. “Just throwing it out there… but Susan wants his cars. Do you think you could part with those?”

How the fuck….?

“What?”

“Susan- she wants the cars. She said he has what- four of them?”

“… Yea I think so.” That's not including a racecar he keeps. He couldn't get into the garage.. so he works on it somewhere else. 

“Can she have them?” Linda asks gently. “Would you be willing to part with them?”

I'd like his blue one- if we're splitting them. We used to 'make love' (he wouldn't call it 'fucking') in the back of the blue one. 

“I mean…” I have to stop. “How do you know what Sue wants?”

“You haven’t talked to her- have you?” Linda says gently. “Not since the accident.”

“…No,” I admit. “I haven’t.”

“But you heard she took it really hard… right?”

I think for a second. “Logan might have said something about it….”

“She didn’t really make it back from space…. not in one piece anyway. She got sick real fast… heart break… grief is a better word.” She informs. “You loved Johnny- but she loved him more.”

“I...” I have to stop yet again. “How do you know this?”

“Sue got sick- I told you. She got real sick. Mr. Richards did the only thing he knows how to do…” She spreads her arms.

“Turned her over to … what? Scientists? Made her a robot?”

“Turned her over to professional minds.” Linda corrects. “He met Doctor Yolks through you actually. William was one of the doctors he consulted when you first went catatonic. That’s why William seems to like you so much…. He saw you and your reports and he really wanted to help.”

“They brought Sue… here?”

She nods. “I pushed for C ward because I thought you could maybe help her… and she might be able to help you.”

The world is spinning fast. “She’s here?”

“The only other patient on this ward.” She says with a nod. “Watch out when interacting with her, though…. She’s not a mutant. The collar doesn’t work right and we’ve lost several objects and windows because of it.”

Her powers… she can use her powers!

“Why hasn’t she tried to leave?” I demand. “If she can use her powers… why doesn’t she go?”

Linda smiles, putting her hand over mine. “She came here willingly.” She pats my hand. “She understands that she’s not well enough to be home right now.” We’re silent- her letting me soak in what she’s said and me soaking it in. “She wants to talk to you… I told her a few days ago that they were bringing you here. She asked if you’d be placed in the same ward…. As you can imagine being the only patient here made her very lonely.”

I… can’t even begin to fathom exactly what she wants me to feel.

“She wants to talk to you.” She repeats. “Get dressed.”

She exits the room. I dress with numb fingers, stumbling around with the fabrics like a child who doesn’t know how to dress himself.

“Ah. Much better.” She walks back in and offers me a hand. “I won’t bite.” She assures when I look at it. She takes my hand and leads me back to the center room with the desk in it. “Door to the right of the desk is the living room.” She opens said door to a large room with high ceilings. The floor has an assortment of rugs on it and there are at least six different couches scattered about. But what I don’t see is Sue.

Linda probably thinks she’s not in here.

I know better.

“Hmm…” Linda mumbles. “She was here…. I’ll go find her. Stay put, alright?”

The door closes behind her and I clear my throat. “Do you know that your scent doesn’t change when you’re invisible?”

There’s a small laugh. “I don’t really count on the staff smelling me.” She blinks into existence by the window. “You look tired.”

She looks… holy fuck.

Loose clothing that falls around her, tangled hair, makeup-less….

I mean Sue is a beautiful woman. Naturally, made-up- it doesn’t matter. But she looks so... small. So... pale. The clothes are what gets me. Shorts and a t-shirt don’t seem her style. Not like this anyway.

When I was sick and she came in to see me at night- she was still dressed nicely. When she's fresh from a mission- no matter where that mission was or what it was- she still is dressed nicely. When the kids are sick, when her home is under attack, when she's in the dead of space... seeing her like this? Holy fuck. 

“You’re not much better.” I counter.

She turns to the window, running fingers through her tangled hair. “I guess I’m not.” She says listlessly. “Are you coming in?”

“…. Yes.” I step into the room and take a seat on one of the couches, turning towards her.

“Have you figured out what “C” block is yet?” She asks almost conversationally.

“Annoying?” I venture.

She chuckles dryly. “Superhuman containment.” She says with an odd emphasis on containment.

“Ah.” I don’t know what she wants me to say.

“I half expected you to already be here.” She says, staring out of that window. “I asked about you.”

“…. I held off for a few days.” I look down at my feet. “Not very well, though.”

“I know.” She says, finally turning to me. Her once sharp eyes are dull. “I heard Yolks interviewing with Logan…. I’m sorry he sent you here.”

“He never planned for anything else,” I admit bitterly.

She smiles a thin smile. “I didn’t have much of a choice…. The press is everywhere. Staying at home wasn’t the best option.”

“How are the kids?” Johnny would want me to ask this. He loved his niece and nephew dearly.

“Handling it like champs.” She says with a small laugh. “Much better than me.”

I don't know what to say next. I really don’t know how I feel interacting with her.

“I’m sorry.” She says carefully. “I have been treated in the oddest ways I have ever been since I became sick. I’m sorry if I ever treated you like this… without knowing I did it.”

I glance at her. “You weren’t that bad.”

“I’m guessing Reed…”

“You haven’t noticed?” I ask bitterly. “He’s the worst.”

“He’s trying.” She defends, but it’s weak. “He thinks I’m broken. He thinks this will fix me.”

“But you’ll never be fixed?” I offer.

She smiles that not Sue smile again. “Yes. I’ll never be fixed…. Like there’s no-“

“Heat.”

She nods. “No heat.”

"Everything is dull without him." I add. "No color. Food has no taste. It's like the world has been knocked out of rotation-" 

She swallows. "My baby brother. Loud. Hot-headed. Always finding a way to get into some sort of trouble." 

"He was so... Johnny." I mutter. There's no way to describe that. "He was my everything. He was the reason to get out of bed in the morning." 

"And now you don't have one."

I nod. "He... I didn't have to tell him a word. It's like we didn't have to speak to know what was going on. He could read me like no other person on this planet. I would still be in hell if not for him." 

"It feels like hell without him." Sue looks down. "Ben and Reed are doing better- you know, macho bullshit. When we got to the entrance... when we saw the damage and opposing troops , I kept thinking I'd heard them wrong. I kept thinking they said he was in at the other wing of the building. I asked for him. Over and over again. A woman, I don't remember her name, pointed to the blood on the wall, said that was what was left, and made me get on the ship."  

We’re silent for a second. Both of us just staying in the same room has a certain weight to it. “Logan said you tried to cut your heart out… I heard him tell Yolks. I wish I could.”

“They talked about it here?” I feel sickened by the thought of it.

Sue smirks a little more like her old self. ”I don’t exactly stay on the ward.”

“What?”

She raises an eyebrow and blinks invisible for a few seconds. “They don’t know what to look for.” She turns visible again. “I can go where I want.”

“… And where have you been?”

“Yolks' office. The Kitchen. A block… I can’t get out the main doors… but I can follow around the security detail…” she looks down. “I saw what you did to Mac .”

“You were there?” Now I feel slightly childish.

She nods. “Briefly. I wondered where he was going… saw what was going on and left. They were so busy with you that they didn’t even notice the door opening.”

Speaking of doors, the ones to the living room open up to emit a confused looking Linda. “Sue.” She says sternly. “Were you in here the whole time?”

She looks back out the window.

“Please try to remain visible.” Linda says with a guarded tone. “I can’t do my job if I can’t see you.” She looks between the two of us. “Playing nice kids?”

I just stare at her.

“Right.” She nods. “Okay… well, Doctor Morris will be making her afternoon rounds soon.”

Sue lets out a small exhale.

“I know,” Linda says quietly. “Please- just.... behave.” She smiles after that and says, “I’ll leave you two to it then.”

The door to the living room closes, and Sue groans. “I hate Doctor Morris.”

“Oh?”

“She... is so condescending…. It makes me want to scream.”

I chuckle darkly, looking back down at the rug by my feet. “It’s called ‘crazy talk’. They all do it. It makes it worse if you actually scream… so I’d avoid that.”

“Crazy talk.” She repeats. “You’ve studied this.”

“I’ve lived this for two years and some change.” I admit. “The story never really changes.”

There’s a dense silence before she says. “He worried about you…. the day of your ECT appointment. All day. When Logan told him what had happened he was so heart broken.”

“…. I miss him so much.” I say, feeling a well of sadness that I have to fight very hard from consuming me most days. “It hurts more than-“

“Anything you’ve ever felt?” She finishes.

“More than anything I’ve ever felt.”

She’s quiet for a second. “That means two different things when we say it…. you’ve experienced far more pain than I have.”

“This would make us even.”

She glances me over. “How are… things on the inside?” She points to her head.

“Noisy. Unbearable.” I run my right thumb over the glove on my left hand. Cold metal greets my touch with a sting.

“Confusing?” She says, looking down.

“Yea… confusing.”

“I see you're using the outdated gloves.” She points.

“Outdated?” I ask.

She nods going back to looking out the window. “Reed added several upgrades…. After the accident. Logan came to him and told him that he thought you’d be hospitalized.”

“He prepared.” I say quietly.

“Like Reed did when I started to lose control of my powers.” She says with a nod.

“Lose control…”

“The collar is working- it just can’t stop all the powers. If I take it off they’re unmanageable… I think they react to my emotions and stress level.”

Oh. Well… “Your collar doesn’t beep.”

“Too much power.” She informs.

We’re silent for some more time... but it’s not awkward. We both suffer on our own terms… and it isn’t a bad idea to do it together.

She moves from the wall and walks over to me, putting a hand on my shoulder and breaking her silence with a small cough. “I should warn you about Morris.” She says gently. “She’s good at her job… because she’s a mutant. They make you sign a waver saying it’s okay for her to use her powers on you.”

That makes me feel sick.

“Telepath?” I venture.

She nods.

“I didn’t sign anything…” I say with a small bit of hope.

“You don’t make your medical decisions.” She reminds me. “Logan signed it yesterday.”

Well fuck… I have to swallow a lump in my throat. “Does it hurt?”

“Physically?” Sue questions.

I nod.

She shakes her head. “No. Not physically.”

“Then…”

“You cry for hours.” She says somewhat emotionlessly. “She thinks that crying while grieving is good for you…. she talks you through it and you bawl.” She removes her hand from me. “I’m more okay with it than you will be… all issues of masculinity considered.”

‘masculinity? please. you’re neutered.’ Shifter drawls. “nice place. i see the bitch is back.’

“I don’t want to cry in front of a stranger.” I mutter, head too focused on Shifter to really react properly.

“She eases you into it… I’m warning you because I don’t know what she’ll pull up.”

“What they all pull up.” I miss having resistance to telepathy. The procedures shredded mine… and since some of my ‘care taking’ involves telepathy- they never helped me rebuild it. My mind is open for anyone who wants to pry.

Sue nods. “I’m sorry you’re here… but I’m glad for the company.” She’s back by the window. “Maybe you can gain access to the grounds and tell me what it’s like.” She sounds bitter. “Since they can’t control my powers- I’m not allowed outside the building… the collar actually does go off when I get too close to the entrance sensor.” She looks at me for a second. “Yours will too… incase you’re planning something.”

I hate to tell her that I probably won’t be either… but the grounds access is something that could come in handy. I can almost see the forerunning of a logical plot forming in my head.

Definitely keep in mind that Sue has access to her powers…. And the thing about the grounds.

There are footsteps outside in the hall.

Sue looks at a small clock on the wall. “She’ll be here any second. I see you listening for her.”

The foot steps stop outside the door and it swings in slowly.

“Good afternoon everyone.” A voice chirps. “How are we feeling?”

“We’re feeling great.” Sue’s tone is cold… it’s a tone I’ve never heard her use.

“Mrs. Richards- I know I’ve already spoken with you this afternoon. Maybe you could give Mr. Daken and I the room?”

Sue crosses her arms and walks towards the door.

“Brush your hair.” Morris says as she draws closer. “Please.”

“Yes, doctor.”

Morris nods. “If you see Linda- please tell her where you’ll be.”

“Yes, doctor.”

Morris is a curly red-haired giant. Giant as in very, very tall. Easily one of the tallest women I’ve ever seen. She’s thin as well. Dressed in tan slacks and a red sweater that hugs to her form a tad bit more ‘casually’ than most doctors would wear. “Daken.” She offers her hand to me.

Wanting to not get off to a worse start than I did this morning, I take it.

“How are you doing?” She asks in a tone that I can’t quite place.

“Fine.” I reply stiffly.

“That’s wonderful.” She sits on the couch beside me. “I’m Doctor Morris, your psychiatrist while you’re here at Clearwater. I’m told you see Doctor Willis? We graduated together. She’s entrusted her notes to me with full confidence that you’d behave.” She looks at me slightly more sternly than before. “Hearing of your behavior this morning, I can see she was slightly mistaken.”

“Listen-“

“Shh, shh.” She shushes. “Let me finish. Behavior like you exhibited this morning has consequences.” She informs. “We work on a point system here in C block. Points denote privileges.”

“So you’re going to what- take away my TV?” I ask with a chuckle.

“No.” She replies evenly. “We don’t have a TV in this hospital. What the points are for are visits outside of the ward- to the grounds and such, phone privileges, later bed times, and more time in one of our many activities.”

“Activities?” I’ve heard William say something about that this morning.

“Horse back riding, swimming, massages, an art studio, and a music room.” She informs briskly. “All of which you are now restricted from.”

Fine. That’s fine. I didn’t want to do any of that stupid shit anyway. “I’m fine with that.” I sneer.

“Instead of those activities, when the time comes to do them- you will do extra sessions with Doctor Yolks and myself.” She actually smiles. “So we can get to the bottom of your behavior and learn how to keep this morning from repeating itself.”

“You’re punishing me with therapy?” I can’t hide the disgust in my voice.

“I’m helping you with therapy.” She corrects. “Your behavior was despicable and will not be tolerated on my ward.”

“…. And if I continue to misbehave?” I sneer.

“Then you will be confined to your room until you are ready to act civilized.”

“Wonderful.” I grouse.

She nods. “I’m told you’re not a fan of being restrained… I mean no one really is- but you seem to hate it in particular.”

“I do.” I agree. “Very much.”

“Then you will have to behave. I have no problem with restraining you until you come to your senses.”

I glance her over. “If this is a pep talk- you’re doing horribly.”

“I don’t believe in pep talks.” She says, smiling slightly. “My patients receive nothing but the truth from me. You’ve misbehaved. This is now your consequence.”

I don’t know what she wants me to say.

“Are you sorry for your behavior?”

No.

“No.”

“Ah. Then maybe we can talk on that… and maybe your plans for escape?”

Ah. “Telepathy.”

“So you’ve heard.” She smiles. “I was going to tell you of course.”

“After sweating me for information.”

She nods. “I’ve been told that we’re not to actually start your therapy until tomorrow. I would like to know what Susan has told you.”

“I think you already do.” I say stiffly.

She smiles again. “I will inform you that I don’t pry too deeply outside of therapy…. And in sessions, I use it sparingly.”

“Sue said you make her cry.” I inform, moving away from her slightly.

“She’s very sad… so yes- sometimes she cries.”

“She said she cries for hours.”

Morris raises an eyebrow. “Are you afraid I’ll make you cry?”

“I don’t want to cry in front of you.” I growl. “But I’m not afraid.”

“I think it’s good to cry every now and then. When Johnny passed- did you?”

“That’s none of your business.” I snap.

“So you did.” She assesses. “Very good. A lot of men try to hide that side of themselves… I’m glad you don’t appear to be one of them.”

“You don’t know what I ‘appear’ to be.” I defend.

“Then you won’t mind crying for me.” She says pleasantly. “Sue has a point- most sessions end in tears. I think a great healing comes from letting your emotions out…. I think you’ve got a lot bottled up.”

“I think it’s going to stay that way.” I reply stiffly.

Morris pats my knee with her hand. “We will see- won’t we?” She offers a smile. “Enjoy your day… We’ll have a group therapy session after your evening meal.”

“Is it really ‘group therapy’ if there are only two people?”

She raises an eyebrow. “Enjoy your day.” She says, standing to her feet and exiting the room.  
‘Enjoy my day’. Right. I’ll get right on that.

There’s a knock at the door of the living room. “Hey there.” It’s Linda again. “Why don’t you come with me this way? You and Sue can help me out with something.”

I don’t want to help her.

“I don’t want to go with you.” I sound numb.

“No? Then do you want to sit here in the room alone?”

“….”  
“Or maybe go back to bed? Your father said you sleep a lot. Maybe- “

“My father makes me sleep a lot.” I correct.

“Ah. Then come with me to the nurse’s desk. I promise to alleviate some of your boredom… as well as keep you calm.”

“…. Fine.” I grouse.

“Wonderful.” She waits for me to stand before turning her back and leading back over to the desk. Sue’s standing at the desk looking slightly more presentable than she was a few moments ago. “Sue.” Linda greets. “You and Daken are going to help me organize the games in the game room.”

“Game room?” I sneer. “What are we- twelve?”

“Game room.” Linda affirms. “It’s quite messy… since our little accident a few days ago.” She looks at Sue when she says that. “I figured you’d appreciate the help cleaning up.” Linda says with a smile.

“So what- I’m cleaning up Sue’s mess now?”

She actually smirks. “I’ve cleaned up enough of yours.”

Linda looks between us expectantly.

“I never asked you to clean up my mess.” I snap.

“And I’m not asking you to clean up mine.” She says pointedly. “Linda is.”

“That’s right.” Linda intervenes. “So if you’ll both follow me…” she leads us to the door opposite the living room door. Inside is a room that looks a lot like the living room scheme wise, but houses about five different tables as opposed to couches.

Under, on, and beside the tables are a least a hundred different cards and game pieces. The pieces’ respective boxes lay off to the side. It looks like someone set a bomb off in the room and then left it.

“You surged.” I observe.

“Momentarily.” She affirms. “It was an accident.”

“It looks like a bomb.”

“It felt like a bomb.” Linda says quietly before clapping her hands together. “Now. Pick the pieces up and put then in this box,” She bends down and grabs the box top for ‘Monopoly’. “And then we’ll sort them all out piece by piece.”

“And if we don’t?” I ask carefully.

Linda stares at me. “Then I suppose the mess will not be cleaned and this room will be off limits.”

“Fine by me.” I sneer “I did-“

“Not fine by you.” Sue raises an eyebrow. “You will like this room- trust me. Help me clean it.”

“I don’t want-“

“You will like this room.” She repeats. “Help me clean it.”

Fine. She’s trying to tell me something. I can gather that much. Somehow this room is of use to her.

Instead of responding, I go to my knees by the nearest table and start picking up cards.

“Very good.” Linda praises, going to one of the other tables and following my lead. “Set the pieces in the box top.” She reminds, scooting said top in the middle of the floor between us.

The gloves get in the way of properly handling the cards- making them hard to hold onto without the use of anything but my fingers.

“Oh dear.” Linda says gently. “I’m sure that’s frustrating.”

I briefly toy with the idea of refusing to do the work because of it… of making a scene. Instead, I offer my hand to her. “If you’d undo one of the gloves- I could do it better.”

She stares at the offered hand with a smirk. “No, sir. I’ve seen what’s under those gloves. I don’t wish to see them close up.”

“I won’t use my claws on you.” I promise- sincerely at that.

She snorts. “No. But you’ll use them on the doors and locks. So… no. No, sir, the gloves stay on.” She turns to Sue. “Susan, if you’d come join us dear- there’s a lot to pick up.”

Sue steps over the box top and starts picking up objects by making a circular force field around them, lifting them, and then sliding them into the box top by changing the force fields shape.

“That’s very… helpful Susan.” Linda is obviously uncomfortable with Sue so openly using her powers. “Thank you.”

“Show off.” I mutter.

Linda smirks. “I’m sure you could have done something amazing with your powers as well Daken, don’t fret.”

“We won’t know with this glove and collar combo- now will we?”

“Talk this out with your doctor.” She says calmly. “I’m going to tell you now, though- Doctor Morris will not openly allow you to use your powers.”

“She lets Sue do it!” I snap, pointing towards the woman who is still using her powers.

“She can’t stop Susan. And because of Susan’s inability to stop using her powers, she is severely punished.”  
Sue snorts.

“So back to work with you.” Linda says. “Hurry, hurry. Lots to do.”

I growl something along the lines of ‘fuck off’ and continue to pick up pieces.

Sue repeats her force field act three more times, each time cleaning up massive sections of the floor and quickly filling the box.

“Ah… thank you again.” Linda says awkwardly. “I thought this was going to be much more taxing.”

“If you’ll move I can get the spots you and Daken are picking up as well.” She offers.

I start to move back, but Linda shakes her head. “No. I’m giving him something to do with his hands. For distraction.”

It goes unsaid that this was probably her idea for Sue as well.

“Oh.”

Linda smiles. “Why don’t you sit down at the table and start sorting these pieces?” She reaches behind her and picks up a ‘Scrabble’ lid, scooping a good amount of cards and paper into the lid and holding it out to her. “The games are Scrabble, Trivial Pursuit, Monopoly, Phase Ten, just plain playing cards- two packs of those, Uno, and Life.”

I have no desire to play any of those. Why would Sue think this room would interest me?

“How do I know what goes where?” Sue asks skeptically.

“Do it to the best of your knowledge dear.” Linda says cheerfully.

This is busy work. And judging from Sue’s face- she knows it. They’re giving us meaningless, repetitive, time-consuming tasks.

“Pick up the cards if you would Daken.” She calls my attention back to the floor.

I catch Sue’s eyes before looking down. She is not happy.

“Come on now.” Linda presses. “You’re almost done.”

“If you’d take off the gloves-“

“I’ll not hear any more about those gloves.” She says dismissively.

“They hurt.” I try.

Sue shakes her head. “No, they don’t. Reed made sure of it. They’ve been tested on you five times before they’re put together.”

“Shut up Sue.” I hiss pointedly.

“Ah. Mr. Richards made the gloves.” Linda seems impressed. “How sure is he that they work?”

“He routinely puts a whole slew of doctor’s lives on it when ever they come to see Daken during his more complicated phases.”

“I see.” Linda turns back to me. “One little pile left Daken. You’re almost done.”

I scoop up the last of the cards and drop them in the lid.

“Wonderful.” Linda picks up her last pile and stands with the box in her hand. “Let’s go join Sue by the table…”

Outside the door, a phone starts to ring. Linda doesn’t seem to hear it by the third ring. “Your phone is ringing.”

She looks at me for a second. “I don’t hear anything….”

“Daken has super senses.” Sue says from the table. “If he says your phone is ringing- it’s probably ringing.”

Linda goes to the door in time to hear it ring for the fifth time and rush out.

As soon as the door shuts I walk over to Sue’s table.

“What’s so special about this room?” I demand. “Why are you insisting we clean it?”

“You haven’t noticed?” She doesn’t look up from her sorting.

“…noticed what?”

She points up towards the corner of the room. “No camera.” And then to walls, “No speakers or mics.”

I’m taken a back a bit. “I haven’t really noticed those things…”

“Ah.” She nods. “They’re very well hidden.” She looks up. “Your room has a camera on the ceiling and the top ‘decorative’ hole on the ward robe. The speakers and mics are actually on the bed- they’ll use that one to wake you up if they don’t feel like coming in personally. The living room also has cameras and mics… the game room is a safe place. If we’re going to talk- I think we should it here.”

Right. Right. Secret meeting place.

“Do they know you know this?”

She shakes her head. “Let’s keep it that way.”

Okay.... so apparently Sue has been getting to know the in’s and out’s of this place. She’s gathered more info than me… but I want to chalk that up to her being here longer.

“I know you’re trying to get out of here.” She says while looking back down to the cards. “I don’t know where you plan to go and I suggest you figure that out before you leave…. but I wouldn’t be adverse to helping you.”

“....Thank you.”

She nods. “Johnny wouldn’t have wanted you here…. He’s fought Logan over decisions like this many times. I’m aware that you are ill… but putting you here seems like spitting in Johnny’s face.”

Ah… “I know.” I admit. I feel the same way.

She nods. “So find out where you’re going and figure out a plan… it’s not safe for you to go alone. I suggest you go to the Baxter Building- secretly of course- and get some of the medication to take with you.”

“This… doesn’t sound like you.” I look at her carefully.

“They haven’t told you?” She smirks.

“…told me what?”

“I’m ‘temporally insane’.” She makes quotation marks with her fingers. “My judgment is ‘impaired’.”

“Who’s to say you’ll feel this way later?”

She raises an eyebrow. “Don’t worry about that.” She offers a small smile. “I have to do what Johnny would have wanted… it’s like honoring his last request. I just know he would have wanted you to be happy… they can tell you what they like- but you’re not happy in cage.” She looks back down. “He would have wanted you to be happy.” She repeats softer than her other statements.

“He would have wanted you to be happy too.” I feel like she needs to be touched- but that’s not my job. “You have to come with me.”

She shakes her head with a soft smile. “I’ll get myself out another way. We can’t both escape at the same time.”

I get a scent outside the door and it almost makes me sneer.

“She’s back.”

“Linda?” Sue questions.

“Morris.” I correct.

“Coming this way?”

I nod.

The doors open quietly and the both of us look down.

“Susan.” She greets. “It’s good to see you back in the game room.”

Sue doesn’t respond.

“Not very talkative.” She muses. “Daken- thank you for helping her…. It is very kind of you.”

“I didn’t have a choice.” I say lowly.

“You always have a choice.” She insists. “You made the right one. Your behavior is very much improved from this morning. I believe you are due some sort of reward.”

“Reward?”

She nods, reaching behind her back. “Your father sent you with this. At first, we thought it was a phone… but we’ve been assured that it’s just a ‘receptor’. It can’t make calls out…. I thought you’d like to have it back.”

She hands the receptor to me. “Your father thought it would help.”

Right. More like aid Morris in her mission to get me to ‘un-bottle’ these emotions.

I walk over to her and take the receptor. “Thank you.” I say stiffly.

“It’s good to hold on to things of our love one’s who are gone.” She informs. “It makes dealing with their death easier…. I thought you could use it in light of the recent events.”

My face must show some of my confusion.

“…. Oh, my. They... uh didn’t tell you?” She actually looks thrown.

“Tell me what?”

Sue stares at the table, refusing my eye contact.

“Susan… did you tell him?”

She doesn’t answer.

“Tell me what??”

“Dear,” She says calmly. “They’re… burying Johnny tomorrow... I thought your father would have told you.” She looks at me carefully.

I should be angry. I should be upset. Instead, I find myself slumped over at the table.

“OH dear.” Morris puts a hand on my shoulder. “They have to burry the body…. half the super human community is going to be there… you understand why it’s best for you to be here- don’t you?”

Understand? Understand?

“They found the body?” I ask not looking at her.

“They found pieces of a body.” Sue corrects, still staring at the table. “Enough to bury.”

“Logan didn’t tell me…” I groan numbly. “Why didn’t he tell me?”

“Your father didn’t want you to put up more of a fight.” Sue says lowly. “Reed was telling me that the press will be everywhere there… they didn’t think you needed the added stress at this difficult time.”

“… Is Sue going?”

Morris coughs into her hand. “Yes. Mrs. Richards will be allowed off site.”

I’m floored again. “What… why?”

“I’m sorry- Daken. But she’ll handle herself much better than you would… the option was open for you to attend but after this morning…”

“I didn’t know this was on the line this morning!” I sate in a panic. “I can behave!”

“No, you can’t.” She shakes her head. “We’ll make sure you’re nice and comfortable tomorrow- alright? Lots of free time… maybe we’ll lift your ban on activities for the day. Okay?” she smiles.

I’m numb…. I’m so numb. I can’t even get angry. They found the body. They… I guess it wasn’t real. I still expected him to be up there… but they found the body. In pieces.

This isn’t fair… this isn’t fair… none of this is fair.

I should be there. I should be allowed to be there.

“Easy.”

The collar is beeping like crazy.

“Easy dear.” Morris is rubbing my shoulder. “Take it easy.”

“I’d like to go to my room.”

Morris looks down at her watch. “Alright. Go calm down. Your father said something about you having your space. I will respect that.”

Sue mouths ‘sorry’ without really looking at me.

And I go to the room Linda brought me out of… for the last time.

I’m not leaving. I’ll rot here and let the building rot around me.

I’ll live forever. Romulus was easily over two- thousand. I can grow old here.

I will die here.

They found the body.

They found him... in pieces. It was not a shot to the head… it was not over quickly. He suffered.

He… alone in space. ON some alien planet. Doing something to help save the world… and he died. In pieces.  
“Shh, now.” I didn’t realize Morris was behind me. “Relax. Your signals are not good right now.”

“Please leave me.” I almost beg her for solitude.

“Alright- alright.” She says gently. “I’ll leave you alone… just- take it easy alright? Your prone to make bad decisions when you’re like this…”

“Like what?” I ask numbly.

“Doctor Willis calls it ‘dead’. You go ‘dead’. It’s a shut down. Usually right before something really bad happens… so don’t go dead on me- okay? We can deal with this. We can work through it. Don’t… do anything you’ll regret.” She walks into the room and sets the receptor beside the bed. “Just in case you want to look at it.”

I nod numbly.

“Nothing stupid- alright? Promise me you’ll not do anything stupid.”

“I promise.” I Lie.

Lying to a telepath is impossible… and judging by Morris’ face- I know it didn’t work. She exits the room, I listen to her call Tim and have him stand outside my door.

Nothing stupid.

I can’t do anything stupid.


	18. Flashed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.. graduation is over and done with and I can return to this story! It's going to be relatively longer than all the other ones- so just hang in there with me. Thanks for reading!

When told not to do something I have a horrible habit of doing the opposite of what I’m told.

I’ve experienced it more in the last six or seven years since Romulus was cut from my life than I ever had before- even as a child. It was something he made sure to maliciously rid me of through brutal hours of ‘training’.

An order up until recently was simply that- an order.

But my head’s not right… my mind is quickly falling apart at the seams and something had to be done.

Sitting here at the vacant wall I’m having serious doubts as to whether this exact situation is what had to be done.

The large man with the bald head is bent over slightly at the waist. Almost coming down to my level but stopping halfway.

Space. Tim is giving me space.

“Just calm down and drop it,” Tim says lowly. “Come on man. Drop it. We can work this out.”

I hold the set of keys- which do not lead to the outside- firmly in my hands… towards the electrical outlet. These two things should never be mixed… but it’s convenient that one fits into the other so easily.

My plan is to electrocute myself and either A. Die or B. override the cuffs and collar.

This is the sum of an afternoon of planning under the advice of Master and Shifter. Johnny always hated it when I did what they told me… but this plan is actually rather good.

It ends with two clear options….

Death or freedom.

It’s ending in one or the other and honestly, I don’t care which is which.

Master has orders... and those orders are to be followed. Even if it’s not actually him giving them. It’s his voice... in my head. Telling me what to do. Coaching me. He wants me dead. He used to just want Johnny dead… but he got that. Now he wants me dead too.

“Daken-” Sue is at the door. She sounds almost tearful.

She tried to talk to me about two hours ago… I didn’t respond. I may have upset her.

“Mrs. Richards, please go to your room. The ward is on lock down.” Tim calls over his shoulder. “Mac! Have you called the doctor??”

“Called both of them.” The voice is panicked.

“Right- doctors are on their way…” Tim says gently. “Back away from the outlet.”

I have to do this…. But I’m so afraid of the impending shock. I have to talk myself through it.

It’s hot. Every nerve in your body reacts. There’s the seizing... the tongue biting. The taste of blood in my mouth again. Drowning in it.

“You don’t want to do this,” Mac says from over Tim’s shoulders. “You’re upset… come with me- huh? Let’s go to the other room and wait for the doctors.”

I can’t respond to him. I’m poised at the outlet, keys in my shaking hand. One big shock. One shock. Death or freedom. This is it. The ‘Hail Mary’.

“Daken-” Yolks walks in quickly, looking very underdressed. “Daken- listen to me. You need to put that down and come away from there. You don’t know what you’re doing.”

I shake my head.

“I think he knows what he’s doing doc.” Tim says lowly.

“Jesus,” Morris says under her breath when she joins Yolks in the doorway. “How did you get the keys?”

I shake my head again.

“Come on dear- tell me how you got the keys.” She presses.

No response is good enough.

“They’re Linda’s keys,” Tim informs. “He took them off the counter.”

“And thought to what- kill himself?” William asks quietly. This is a discussion meant only for staff’s ears.

No response I give to them will suit their demands. Nothing short of compliance will please them… and I’m not trying to please them. I already have my orders. Master was very clear.

I need…

I have to do this.

To be with Johnny.

He told me quite clearly.

“He’s taking the funeral very poorly.” Morris says quietly, crossing her arms. She’s changed into night clothes- actual pajama pants and a tank top. Probably braless.

“Daken…” Yolks soothes. “Come here… we should have been more careful with that information. Come away from there. You don’t want to shock yourself.”

“He won’t say a word.” Tim informs. “I’m afraid to get near him.”

‘if they stop you you’ll suffer far more greatly than if you obey.’ He seethes.

If they stop me… they can’t stop me.

I’m going to be free- either way. Free in life... free in death. Free. And then I’ll go find Johnny. Alone.

‘then move imbecile!” He snarls.

William takes a step forward, and my hand moves automatically- jamming the key into the socket.

The pain is immediate. There’s no way to breathe- let alone scream. It’s writhing, burning, agony.

And it’s building and pulsing.

My vision is shot and my heart rate is through the roof. It thunders in my ears.

Master applauds me. Through the darkness, I swear I could see his pointed smirk.

And suddenly- it stops.

Everything is dark. My skin is hot... it smells like heat.

It almost smells… like him.

That liquid heat that ran under his skin.

This warmth… like being next to him.

‘uh uh.’ A new voice in my head. It’s not one of the usual ones. ‘No, no honey. We are not relating this to your boyfriend. So stop that train of thought right now.’

Who... is this?

‘Clara.’ The voice says quickly. ‘Your doctor. The telepath? Your brain is still active but your heart is stopping. Do me a favor and hold on- okay?’

In the distance on the outside, there is a quiet, “Three compressions. One, two, three. There ya go. One, two, there. One more time…Oh, yeah. He’s coming around.”

I see shoes. A full circle of shoes. I can’t see their owners- however. Anything past the knee is too far away.

‘We’re going to talk about this later.’ She warns in my head. ‘I can pull it up if you ‘forget’.’

Please… don’t.

‘You’re weak. Please- allow us to help you.’

But don’t... talk about it later. This is my head. I’m free in my head.

‘if I had my way all suicidal patients would be put under a telepath.’ She informs. ‘But this is neither here nor there. Rest. Let your body heal.’

“Leave him on the floor.” I’m betting that’s her.

Someone is touching my face. “Poor thing.” They say gently. “Look at him twitch.”

A groan escapes my mouth unbidden.

“Shh, shh, now. You take it easy.”

I go to move my hands, but I can’t feel them. Over the noises in the room, I hear the collar beep- still active. Still intact.

“Keys should be cool now.” Someone says quietly.

“I’m afraid to touch them…”

“Just… nudge them out of his hand with your shoe then.”

I can’t really feel my hand that well, but I see a dark boot kick it a few times, trying to knock the ring of keys that I’ve got clenched in it out of my grasp.

“Smart man.” Someone says a little quietly. “He planned this in a few hours…. Scoped out Linda, found where she would put them… got to a spot in the room where the cameras couldn’t see him… honestly, if you hadn’t done a check Tim- we wouldn’t have caught him.”

“What was he even trying to do?”

Something stupid.

Something stupid like they told me not to do.

Something stupid that you told me not to.

‘You should listen to your doctors.’ She muses. ‘We know what’s best for you.’

“I think he was trying to short circuit the collar….” Her again.

“First time anyone’s tried that.” This voice sounds slightly impressed.

“Last time anyone will try this.” Another voice muses. “Someone call Linda. Tell her to go run a bath in one of the assistant tubs.”

“Bath time? You think that wise?” Probably the guards.

“It’ll cool him down. Tell her to chill the water. Maybe add some ice.” Unknown speaker.

“Ice bath…. In his current state-” Probably a guard again.

“I know what state he’s in. Ice bath. Now.” Definitely Yolks. That’s one pegged.

That sounds unpleasant.

“Easy there.” More pressure on my face. “Eye’s not tracking.” Tim. That’s Tim.

“How about the electronics?” Yolks.

Someone lifts my hands. “Gloves snapped at the wrist… the collar is still functional.” Morris.

The floor is hard and cold underneath me. It’s a little soothing to my burning skin.  
“Fried the sensor… no, wait. It’s only the one he used to put the keys in the socket. Other one if functional.”

The gloves... they’re not functioning. They’re not functioning… it worked. Part of this worked.

I try… but can’t.

No. No. No.

It worked. It worked- but I can’t move.

I focus all my energy on extending my claws on my right hand, pushing the gloves off of my hands with them.

“Jesus.” Someone gasps. Morris?

‘No.’ She answers. ‘I know what you’ve got hidden under there. I’ve seen your father’s enough times… that was Tim for the record. I would not ‘gasp’.’

“It’s alright.” A voice soothes. “They’re not coming out all the way… the gloves aren’t all the way off.” Morris says to the man beside her.

I don’t know what to think with her apparent disregard for my mental privacy. It’s hard to track the situation with her butting in every five seconds.

‘Then I will be silent.’ She assures. ‘But I am listening. And I am taking notes. And we WILL discuss this when you are well.’

I see William as he bends down. “Retract your claws please.”

But… the gloves are off. I should be free.

“Retract.” He says patiently.

Another groan escapes me… and I find myself obeying.

“take the gloves off and put the new ones on.” People start to fuss with my hands. Air touches my skin for about forty-five seconds before I feel the padding of the new gloves.

NO... No. this can’t be happening.

“Watch him shaking his head.” I think that was William. “He can hear us... he knows that it worked. What’s to keep him from trying it again?”

“The shock resistance is one of the things Reed fixed with this pair.” Sue’s voice.

“Mrs. Richards, “Morris says lowly. “I’m going to have to ask that you return to your room.”

“Is he… alright?”

“He’s healing.” William answers softly. “We’re going to soak him a bit in the tub and then get his muscles to unlock. I think I know how to soothe them.” His voice moves away from me. “Mac- please take Susan back to her room. She’s seen enough of this and really has a long day tomorrow. She should be sleeping.”

Soothe… it’s strange but the aftereffects of my actions are kind of soothing. No one’s really angry yet… voices are soft, hands are soft, actions are toned down.

I’d take a million shocks over what’s bound to come out of this. I’ll never see daylight again.

There’s pressure in my mind that I just know is Morris holding herself back.

As she should.

She should note that telepaths are by far the most unnerving, terribly invasive, dangerous powers to ever grace the mutant-

‘Hey now.’ She chides. ‘I’m not bad mouthing your powers. Be nice. I’m nice telepath. I haven’t had all the training needed to be a mean one. Be nice.’

“Linda ran the bath.” There’s something wheeled across the floor. “Is he ready to go?”

“I think so.” Morris says, and it’s unnerving how she can be so connected with the real world while being so present inside my head. “Put him on the board first… let’s keep him as comfortable as possible.”

Someone grabs me under the arms and moves me over a few feet onto something hard and plastic.

“Very good.” William is visible as they lift me. The shoes are now blurry.

For some reason, I wish I was looking at feet instead of faces.

“He’ll need to lose the jeans.” Morris says as the gurney starts to move.

“We’ll strip him.” William dismisses.

“He won’t take kindly to you and Tim doing it…”

William purses his lips. “Then I’ll hold him down and you’ll strip him.” They’re silent for a second. “Open the door!” He calls to someone else.

We go back through one of the doors that lead us to the ward. Back to the one that smells wet.

I think we’re going to one of the blurry privacy curtains, but there seems to be a small room off to the side.

“The room is a little small.” Tim says. “Won’t be able to fit the gurney inside.”

“We’ll see if he can hold his weight.” Morris says. “And then help him into the room.”

“Right.”

The gurney lowers down and Morris’ large hand's prod at me. “Roll over.”

“Can’t.”

“You’re talking!” She actually claps. “Oh, that’s wonderful. Did you hear that William?”

“Incredible.” Yolks squeezes his hand under my shoulder and slowly pulls me into a seated position. “Can you walk?”

I shake my head.

“Can you limp?” Morris tries.

I shake my head again.

“Daken if you are lying about your capabilities it will not go well for you. I’m sure you can imagine how much trouble you are in. Do not make it worse by lying.” Yolks pulls on one of my legs. I try to pull back, but can’t seem to get them to move.

“He’s locked up.”

“I’ve got this one.” Tim bends down and puts his one arm under my knees and one on my shoulders.

“Do not.”

He stops. “I’m sorry?”

“Don’t.”

“He’s not talking.” Morris rephrases her earlier statement. “I don’t think he’s lying either. Tim, please escort him to the tub.”

I try to protest, but he overrules me and half lift half drags me to the bathroom.

“Sit him in the chair.” Yolks says in a pushy way. Apparently, he needs his sleep. I’m sure he’s just about done with me at this point.

I don’t blame him.

I’m just about done with me too.

“Alright, here boys and girls.” Linda says cheerfully. “I got him over here by the window.” The chair is a white plastic lawn chair. Good for splintering into fragments if need be. “Cracked the window for him too…. His dad said he liked the windows open.”

“Ah. I’m not entirely sure we should be rewarding him with anything at this point.” Morris chides.

“So... close it?”

“Close it.” She nods. Her sharp eyes turn to me. “Lift yourself. I’m taking off your jeans.”

Lift myself? I can’t.

“Can’t.”

She reaches to my waist and starts to remove the jeans.

“Any help would be appreciated.” She growls. “He’s heavier than he looks.”

“We should get some scissors.” Linda says in a helpful tone. “I’ve got a pair in the kit over by the wall.”

“I don’t think we should have to cut his clothing.” William says incredulously.

“I think we should have to cut his clothing.” Morris says with a grunt. “he’s not helping.”

“He can’t help.” Linda says somewhat snappishly. “He just electrocuted himself. We need to keep that in mind and be gentle and understanding.”

“Gentle and understanding aren't getting through to him.” Morris says pointedly.

“You’ve had him for not even a day.” Yolks laughs dryly. 

“And he’s electrocuted himself…. Half the ward is without power. Have you checked the rest of the hospital?”

“Ah... no.”

“Send someone to.” Morris stops pulling. “Linda the scissors please.”

I’m glad Morris is annoyed. I find her annoying. I enjoy being a pain to her.

‘I’m so glad to know you feel that way…’ she whispers through my mind. ‘If you think this act of stupidity is getting you off of my ward- you are mistaken. In fact, it’s obvious that it’s going to take a fellow superhuman to contain you.’

“Out.” I half growl.

“What?”

“I’m scanning him.” She says dismissively.

“Ah… doctor do you think that wise-“

“I do, Linda. I believe that I will have to employ more of my powers than usual with this particular patient. I believe for his own safety he must be kept on the tightest of leashes we can manage.”

“Like with that other patient… what was it- three years ago?

“The very same.”

“That patient turned a house plant into a carnivorous beast under your watch.” Linda says warily.

“Wanda was very willful in the beginning stages of our time together.” Morris says firmly. “She became a wonderful patient.”

Wanda?

From the context clues, I’m guessing she means the infamous “Scarlet Witch”. The infamous ‘have a mental break down and change reality’ Scarlet witch. I think Logan was on a team with her at one point.

“Almost done.”

Almost… what?

“Done.”

Something is lifted off of me, causing it to get slightly cooler-

The jeans. Right. They were cutting off the jeans.

“Shirt’s easy enough to remove.” Linda bends closer to me and pulls the shirt over my head. “There you are dear.” She smiles sadly. “Into the tub with you.”

I don’t really want to go... but it seems useless to try and stop them.

‘ah. nice little soak. look at you- two botched escapes, three failed assaults, and now you can’t even kill yourself. you didn’t die- not even for a second! what good are you? they’re embarrassed by you. that’s why they don’t want you at the funeral. everyone hates you. hate, hate, hates you. everyone in this room hates you, everyone out of this room hates you, and i’m sure if given the time, johnny boy would have come to hate you as well.’ Shifter is coiling around my mind like a python.

‘it’s true of course. you’ve always been hard to get along with.’ Master joins him. Two forces bent on nothing less than utter ruin. Much like the two men when they were alive.

“Lift him up.” Outside voices are distant.

‘the guards really hate you. you should have made them your allies. they’ll take great pleasure in making you suffer now.’ Shifter would be smiling.

“Nice and easy.”

‘poor stupid mongrel. think of the cage they’ll set you in now. so far removed from all johnny related things… you just can’t handle it. poor, poor, stupid mongrel.’

“Easy.”

The chill on the outside is nothing like this storm that’s brewing in my guts.

“Lean back.”  
My head rests against something soft. Some kind of cushion.

“That’ll hold him up.” Morris is far calmer than she was. “William, Tim, why don’t you give us the room. I think he’s done for the night.”

“Should we wait outside?” William asks.

“No, I don’t think so.” Morris gives a small smile. “Go back to the ward. Linda and I will wrap this up.

‘nice little cage. nice little collar. nice containment. they tell daddy how poorly behaved you are- he leaves you here.’

“Easy now.”

“He’s not saying anything Doctor.” Linda says quietly.

“He’s having some internal problems.” Morris says gently. “I’m not intruding... but I think he could use the support.”

Internal problems.

“Do we actually need to wash him?” Linda says after some thought.

“No, no.” Morris says. “Just let him soak. The cold water feels nice and he’s a lot calmer than he was.”

Calmer. Beaten- is the better word. I tried… and I tried. But I can’t get out of here. It is impossible. I don’t have the right power set.

I don’t-

‘Do you hear those two often?’

This apparently isn’t a Linda conversation.

‘Linda is a wonderful woman, but my powers unnerve her. I try not to openly use them in front of her and frankly it would be rude to outwardly exclude her from the conversation.’

Outwardly exclude her? Oh right. Because internally is so much better.

Her face scrunches for a second, settling into a frown.

“You’re walking a very thin line.” Morris says randomly, looking over her shoulder.

Linda and I stare at her for an explanation.

“In your rush, you’ve forgotten to shield your mind.” She continues. “And I am very aware that you are in the room.”

“I wanted to see what you were doing to him.” Sue’s voice is surprising, but not exactly unexpected.

Morris turns to face where the woman had spoken from. “It’s okay for you to be worried about your friend- but it doesn’t give you an excuse to escape the ward.” Morris scans the room back and forth. “How often do you do this?”

“This is my first time.”

“That’s a lie.” Morris says coldly

“This is my second time.” Sue lies.

“Susan,” Linda drawls, “This is not the time for one of your tricks. Please make yourself visible so I can walk you back to your room.”

“He’ll calm down if you touch his head.” Sue says carefully. “His hair- I mean. Johnny pets him.” She stops. “Johnny used to pet him- I mean.”

“Susan-“

“And the cold water isn’t helping… not like you think it is. He needs warmth.”

“He’s been shocked.” Linda says, looking back down to me. “Cold water is fine.”

“He’ll respond better if you do what I’m telling you… I know. I took care of him first.”

“Mrs. Richards-“

“For a very long time.” She continues. “Daken needs exceptions in treatment. He’s not like other cases.”

“He needs discipline.” Morris corrects. “As do you- apparently.”

“His hallucinations are worse when he’s upset… and you telling him he couldn’t go to Johnny’s funeral upset him.” She’s getting dangerously close to something I would rather stay hidden.

“Sue-” Linda starts, but Morris shushes her.

“What do you mean?” She asks. Her hand is dipped in the water, moving aside some cubes of ice. ‘This is very cold.’ She says to me. ‘Do you feel cooled down?’

Sure. Sure. Whatever. Just drop the conversation with Sue.

“Ask him. Ask him if he did this on his own.”

Damn it.

“I’m sorry?” Linda sounds upset. “No one on this ward told him to do this Mrs. Richards – if you think for one second-“

“It wasn’t anyone on the ward.” Sue says quickly. “Ask him. Doctor Morris will know if he lies. Ask him if he did this on his own… or if it was an order.”

Fuck.

Sue… what the hell is your game? You offer to help me… but then you turn around and do this?

“An… order?”

“He takes orders.” Sue continues. “He takes them... and if it’s by the correct ‘person’ he does them.”

“And which ‘person’ would tell him to shock himself?” Morris turns her attention back to me – calculating. These are the kind of conversations that have been making people’s careers. I have no doubt she’s realized that every doctor who’s come in close contact with me has seen a massive boost in their career.

It’s a once in a lifetime illness after all.

Sue’s quiet for a second “Well… all of them actually.”

“All of them?” She frowns.

“There are seven.”

I can’t… do this with her. “Stop.”

Sue clears her throat. “Seven. Two of the seven are the ones who give most the orders.”

“Interesting.” Morris turns to me. “Daken- “

“Please don’t ask.”

“Your reaction affirms my doubts.” She says wisely. “Mrs. Richards, while I appreciate the information, it does not excuse you being out of the ward. You will have to be punished.”

“I understand that.” Sue says from her visible/invisible hiding spot.

“Make yourself known.” Morris says.

She must do something because Linda stands to her feet. “It’s astounding how close she can get without us knowing she’s there.” She’s standing very near the tub.

“Susan… you are aware that with tonight display… you will not be allowed to leave the ward.”

Sue stops, her appearance flickering for a second. “I’m sorry?”

“You have to stay on the ward now. What privileges you have are gone.”

“You’re joking.” Sue does not look happy.

“Mrs. Richards- if you’ll come this way…” Linda starts but Sue moves away from her.

“I’m leaving tomorrow.” She orders.

“No, you’re staying here.” Morris corrects. “And you’ll go with Linda if you know what’s good for you.”

“I am going to that funeral.” Sue says- tone dangerously low.

Morris sighs. “Alright- Susan. We will talk about it shortly. If you are going to go, we will have to find another suitable punishment. Please, for now- go with Linda. I will come see you when I take Daken back to the ward.”

She nods stiffly and Linda puts an arm around hers. “We’ll set you up in your room, dear. The doctor will meet you there.”

“Fine.”

The two women leave without much more talking.

There’s silence for about three minutes before Morris sighs.

“It’s very late Daken.” She says. “You chose the worst time to do this… we were a little harsh with you because we were tired.”

Harsh?

This wasn’t harsh.

She puts a hand to my forehead, it’s a motion that apparently checks for fever… I vaguely remember my foster mother doing it once upon a time.

“You’re cool.” She says softly. “But I’ll leave you in there for a little longer if you wish.”

Feeling like I need to say something on behalf of Sue- even though I’m not sure she isn’t a backstabbing traitor I say, “You need to let her go to the funeral. She’ll get worse if she doesn’t go.”

Morris nods. “And what about you?”

“I’ll get worse if you don’t let me go too.” I affirm.

“Worse? Worse than electrocuting yourself?”

“…Yes.”

Morris sighs and looks down at the chair. Taking a seat and she crosses her garish pajama bottom covered legs. “Daken- there’s no way you’re allowed off the ward. Look what you’ve done today. You’ve been like this since you woke up.”

“Please-“

“Don’t beg.” She says softly. “Please. It won’t change my mind and it will just make you more desperate.”

“….”

“We will give you something to help you sleep tonight.” She says holding up one finger, “Give you a good breakfast in the morning,” Another finger, “And then distract you the best way we know how. I’ll make sure that you’re not left to dwell on this. And… when you get discharged, you can go to the cemetery yourself. On your own time and terms. You can make your peace with him without a crowd watching you.”

“I don’t want to make my peace with him.” It goes without saying that I just want ‘him’.

His laugh. His smell. The very thought of him can drive me to the brink of insanity.

“I know.” She says gently. “I know. Trust me. But this is the hand you’ve been dealt. The next week or so is not going to be pleasant for you- all behavior today considered. But you can make it better. Take my advice… try to make it better. I’m not asking for a complete behavioral overhaul …. Just maybe tone down the violence. Huh? We’ll let you have more freedom if you can prove that you know what to do with it.”

The cold around me is starting to kick in. I feel my teeth chattering.

“Moving better?” She questions.

I’m not sure…

“Move your fingers.” She runs her fingers through air half imitating a spider or an insect. “Like this. Wiggle them individually.”

I follow her instructions, feeling stupid.

“Very good.” She praises. “Try sitting up.”

Sitting up also proves to be easy.

She nods at this. “Move your legs.”

That appears to be the last of my electrocution damage.

“Incredible.” She says in an impressed tone. “You’ve healed... it’s been barely twenty minutes.”

“I do that.” I reply numbly.

“Well, it’s still incredible.” She shushes.

“I’d like to go back to bed.” I feel colder than I should.

“Get dried off.” She says with a nod. “I’ll call them for some clothing.”

This day has been completely terrible. Tomorrow will be worse. It’s never easy to sleep knowing that everything you felt today will inevitably be back tomorrow… stronger than before. Sharper than before… and far more damaging.

“We have pills and methods to help that.” Morris says. “If you’re interested. I can teach you methods of coping that will make all of this so much easier for you.”

We just stare at each other for a minute. I notice the lights are out… and odd time to notice this- but still… the lights are out. The only light comes from the large window hanging over the tub.  
Outside of the window, the estate looks like something out of a fairytale.

“It’s really beautiful.” Morris agrees.

“You’re in my head a lot.” I grouse. “Well I mean- you have been.”

“I did warn you.” She smirks.

“Did you do this to Wanda?” I question.

She nods. “We spent most of our days together. As you can imagine- this ward doesn’t get much traffic.”

Which begs a question I’m sure she’s been asked before.

“Are you up here because you’re a telepath?”

“No.” She says somewhat snappishly. “I’m up here because I’m a good doctor. I earned my title with my academics… not my powers.”

I have to sigh. “No- I mean this ward in particular. High profile mutants and metas- they needed someone who could shut them down.”

She actually smiles. “You think very highly of my powers. I thank you.”

“….And how powerful are your powers?”

“Pretty powerful for someone who is self-taught.” She says with a smile. “I almost ended up in Professor Xavier’s school at one point in my life… but the school was attacked before I could attend.”

“So you taught yourself how to be a telepath?”

She nods. “It was quite trying.” She puts a hand on my shoulder. “But my powers and my story have nothing to do with you and yours.” She smiles. “Sit tight. I’ll get you some clothing and we’ll get you to bed.”  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Sleep came easily. The drugs they put me on were like getting knocked in the face with a hammer.

I open my eyes to the dark room.

Raining. It’s raining outside.

Perfect weather for a funeral.

I stare out the barred window and then down the wall. Someone’s scrubbed the black from around the socket… and then covered the outlet with a thick piece of steel, bolting the square of metal down on all sides.

I wait… and no one comes.

Outside there are noises… but they’re odd. I can’t really place what’s going on.

I hear a distinct, “Mr. Richards she’s very upset…. Perhaps it’s best not to get involved.”

“I will get involved, thank you very much. She is my wife- it is my right to be involved.”

“This ward can’t take another power flux,” Linda says lowly. “Please- let the professionals handle her.”

“I am a professional in power fluxes.” He says just as lowly.

I’m betting they wished they’d given the room’s doors now. I can hear every word of this private conversation.

“Doctor Morris is very skilled in super human psychology. She’ll talk Mrs. Richards down in no time. Please- just follow me this way and-“

“You will let me see my wife.” He growls.

I can just barely see him over the nurse’s station. Linda- who is looking in my direction sighs. “Now you’ve woken our other patient up…. And we’re having problems with him as well… I have to go handle him.” She pokes her finger to Reed’s chest. “Please. Stay put.” Linda stops by the nurse’s desk and picks up a tray. I can see she’s visibly upset… but I can also see her slowly masking her emotional turmoil with a pleasant- albeit plastic- smile. “Good morning.” She chirps. “Got you some breakfast… it’s a little cold. I apologize for that. But we’re just going to have to make do this morning- alright?”

I look her over. She reeks of anxiety.

“What’s wrong with Sue?” I skip the pleasantries.

I notice that the ward is without power again. I’m doubting that’s a left over effect of my escapade last night...

“Susan is a little upset.” She says pleasantly.

“So upset that you won’t let Reed see her?” I question.

“Mr. Richards is not understanding that we don’t allow family here unannounced.” She says a little pointedly. “He’s surprised her.”

“She took the power out.” I point to the dark room.

“Ah... yes. There was a power blast that took the power. Tim is working with the generators now and-“

“You should let Reed see her.” I interrupt.

“Well Daken,” She walks further into the room. “That’s not really any of your business.” She puts the tray in my lap.

“They need to be together.” I growl.

“They will be.” She assures. “Darling- it’s not your business.” She smiles again. “Eat your food. Doctor Morris will be along as soon as she can.”

“No- they work better together.” I say hotly. “That’s how that family works. You can’t separate them.”

Johnny died because they were separated. He didn't have them at his back. 

Sue's 'sick' because she couldn't get to him. 

Linda goes to say something but then stops. “Well… I mean-“

“The work together. If you want her to stop let him in the room.”

Sue semi threw me under the bus… but one of us needs to be at Johnny’s funeral. With my little show last night- I logically know that that person will not be me.

“Daken- Please.” Linda sighs. “It’s already been a very early morning after a very late night. I want you to eat your food and not worry about anything else.”

“I don’t have to do what you want.” I growl, pushing the tray aside and pulling the blankets off of my legs. The floor is cold under my feet- making me wish that they hadn’t taken my shoes.

“Sit down.” Linda says sternly.

“If you don’t let Reed in that room, I’m going to make a scene.” I threaten. “I’ll take down all of you and-“

“You really care for them.” Linda interrupts, crossing her arms over her blue scrubs.

“...what?” I have to stop.

“The Richards family. You care for them. You’re upset that Reed and Sue are separated. You don’t think it’s fair.”

“I…” Well… I mean…

No. It’s not that I care. It’s not like that at all.

Just for the sake of… the sake I guess they need to be together.

That’s how that family works. That’s how they’ve always worked. Losing Johnny is bound to have put them all in a weird headspace. They need to be together right now.

“Sue is going to be fine.” Linda says with a smile. “Eat your food.” She puts a hand on my shoulder and pushes me back to the bed- right beside the tray. “Five bites.”

“Nurse- If you’d please,” Reed calls from the hallway. “I really have matters to discuss with you.”

Linda sighs. “Eat.” She turns around and goes back out into the hallway. Once outside she says lowly, “Mark? Guard his door.”

The large man posts himself just outside the door frame.

“You don’t work on this ward.” I say to his back.

“I work on all the wards.” He says pleasantly, looking back over his shoulder. “Linda said to eat. Are you eating?”

“…yes.”

“I doubt it.” Mark snorts. “Stay on your bed- okay? Doc will be with you shortly.”

Mark is not Linda. Linda is not Morris. Morris is distracted with Sue.

Okay so if I distract Mark... while Linda is distracted with Reed and Morris is distracted with Sue… there’s about a ten percent chance I can attempt another escape.

Reed is here. That means he drove.

Or flew!

If he took one of the smaller crafts…

Wait. Think. Does this place have a helipad? Or a hanger?

It’s big- that’s for sure. And it is a hospital…. So, maybe?

Where would I go to find it? Which direction?

I can’t get out the main door without them knowing…. But Sue said something about a kitchen. The kitchen is bound to have less security.

“I want to talk to Linda.” I have to distract Mark.

“Linda’s busy.” He says- still pleasantly.

Throwing him off seems to be harder than I thought. “I want something else to eat.” I demand.

“Really? I think the eggs are all that’s left right now.” he almost sounds apologetic. “How about you eat that and I’ll make sure you get something really good for lunch?”

Not knowing what else to do, I tip the tray onto the floor. “Oops.”

He turns around. “Oops?” He questions before seeing the mess of eggs and toast on the floor. “Oh.”

“It slipped.”

He actually chuckles. “I’m sure it did.”

“I need a broom.”

“Not to worry, we’ll clean up when the ward’s a little quieter.” He turns his eyes back forward.

“I spilled it on me.” I try again. “I want a shower.”

“Shower later.” He chuckles.

“It’s on my clothes.”

“Change clothes.” He has all the answers.

“…. I don’t feel well.” I try again.

He snorts again. “Yea after last night I have no doubt that you don’t feel good.”

“How’d you-“

“It’s in your file now. Along with all your escape attempts yesterday. We’re all aware of what you’re trying to do.”

“I feel sick.”

“You have a toilet and a trashcan.” He says.

“… I need a doctor.”

“Morris is busy but I’m sure I could call Yolks for you if really need someone.”

Call him… that means you’ll have to step away from the door.

“Call him.”

Instead of moving away from the door, he reaches into his pocket and picks up a walkie talkie.

“Doctor Yolks, there’s a patient requesting to see you on C block.” He says into it.

A few seconds later a static filled voice answers, “I’m finishing up in A block at the moment. I will be there within the next ten minutes.”

“Thank you.” Mark puts the walkie-talkie back in his pocket. “He’s on his way.” He says.

When I’m silent he chuckles.

“You thought me calling him involved me stepping away from the door- didn’t you?”

I’m silent.

Outside, the argument in the hall has dissipated. “Return here at Five- please.” Morris says. “Or we will take legal action.”

“Five.” Reed agrees.

His voice moves closer to the desk and his foot steps stop.

“What about him?”

“He electrocuted himself last night, attacked personnel, and disobeyed several orders. When it comes to privileges he has less than your wife.”

“It seems cruel to leave him here.” Reed muses. “Especially today. Can’t we make arrangements for him?”

Yes. Make arrangements for me. I forget how caring Reed can actually be. Especially to people close to his family.

“It’s not cruel Mr. Richards. He’s far too sick to be in public. Let alone in front of all of those cameras. The world knows of Mr. Storms passing. The pressure that would be put on his lover is too terrible to think of. The poor thing wouldn’t last a week out there.”

“We don’t need him to last a week.” Reed points out. “Just a day.”

Morris sighs. “No, Doctor Richards- I don’t think that wise. Daken’s very ill. He needs constant supervision and you have no idea what it took to actually get him here. He’s not leaving until the correct time.”

They’re silent... and I’m holding my breath. I’m willing Reed to use that abnormally intelligent mind for something helpful for once.

“What’re you going to do with him?” He asks finally. “You can’t just make him sit here all day… does he even know what’s going on?”

“That’s up to him.” Morris says carefully. “He’s in a lot of trouble.”

“But does he know what’s happening today?”

I can see Morris’s head move. “Yes. He’s been informed of what today is. And he knows why he can’t go.”

“Johnny was someone very important to him.” Reed says in a guarded tone. “It’s not right to leave him here today.”

“The press will eat him alive and he’ll most likely do something to feed them.” Morris says calmly. “And they’ll find out that he and your wife are being treated here… frankly, the amount of press that goes along with Daken is staggering. We’ve brought him here in secrecy. His father never told any of the places he interviewed just who got to treat him…. we’re keeping it a secret.”

“As his initial care giver… I can offer tips. For today. If you insist on keeping him here.” Reed starts to move again.

“Tips?” Morris chuckles. “Doctor Richards I’ve done this for a while. I don’t need your tips-“

“You have never treated a patient like Daken and you never will again once he’s gone. Take the tips.” Reed advises.

Morris is quiet… and I’ve forgotten to cheer for Reed. I’m curious as to what he’ll tell her.

“First off with his hearing- he knows everything. Especially in a space like this. Do not lie to him.”

“I make a habit of not lying to my patients … if you thin-“

“Don’t withhold information either. He was lied to for a very long time. He hates it.”

“Alright.” I think… she’s taking notes. She’s actually taking notes.

“Sue dear, are you ready?” He calls over Morris’ shoulder.

“Yes.” Sue’s voice appears close to the group. She’s not really holding back her powers.

“That’s it? Don’t lie to him? I was doing that anyway.” Morris scoffs.

Reed chuckles. “The full list would take hours.”

“Then I’m sure I’ll manage on my own.”

She’s baiting him and she doesn’t even know it. Do not try to outsmart Reed Richards. The man hates it. He has to be the smartest person in the room.

“He’s going to stop eating- by the way.” Reed says back to Morris, sounding like it’s a simple statement. “You can bribe him. You can threaten him. You can force him- nothing will change it.” To Sue, he says, “You look lovely dear.”

“Thank you.” She sounds so small. “The smaller collar is much more comfortable.”

“I thought it would be.” Reed would be smiling.

“So… when you’re treating Daken-” Morris presses.

“Try letting him outside. He calms down when he’s outside.” Reed says thoughtfully. “If you have a way to open the windows- the cold air seems to help him ground himself.”

“This is…” She stops. “You really treated him? These tips are so… common.”

“The original reports are under my name.” Reed says with a small hint of smugness. “I’ve recorded his symptoms and behavior quite intensively.”

“It’s like having a cheat sheet to a test I already know the answers to.” She muses.

“Like I said- they’re just tips.” He takes Sue by the arm. “There are a lot of curve balls… and more so now that Johnny’s gone. I wish you the best of luck.”

“Thank you…” She sounds a little off put. You don’t invite Reed Richards into your personal ‘scientific field’ and then get to hold your ground. No. With his intelligence he is the end all be all of knowledge. “For the tips. I’d like to compare our notes in a few weeks. To see where we’ve differed.”

“To be honest doctor, once my wife is better I want as little to do with this place as possible.”

“Fair enough.” Morris says quickly. “Fair enough.”

Reed makes a noise of affirmation. “Is he awake? I feel like we should say something to him…”

“Please don’t.” Morris says. “He’s prone to irrationality when upset and your wife has already wrecked most of the ward… I don’t need him contributing to the destruction.”

“I will pay for the damage.” He says, arm still around his wife. “We’re going to be late.”

 “Answer me this before you go… how did you solve the eating thing? And the suicidal tendencies? The escape attempts? Your papers talked about symptoms... but no cure.” She sounds a little like herself now. “If you don’t mind my saying Doctor Richards… you just seemed to observe him. Nothing was done at all to help."

“Are you questioning my methods on a patient and a case that has never existed before in the entire history of medical science and therefore has no precedent to be tested against?”

Morris sighs. “The eating and the escape attempts. How did you stop them? I’ll get through to him much faster if I can get him to cooperate.”

Reed’s makes a humming noise. “Well put quite simply… I didn’t.”

“You… didn’t?”

Sue moves a little closer to Morris, crossing her arms across her chest. “Johnny did that.” She informs. “Daken only behaves for Johnny. He only tries to get better for Johnny. Without him-” She stops, voice sounding small. “You don’t stand a chance.”

“I’m sure…”

“Daken’s very stubborn. And he’s very sick. No one knew him like Johnny.” Reed says quietly. “And no one ever will. They were inseparable.”

“I didn’t realize-“

“For Daken’s sake, they kept out of the public.” Sue says just as quietly as Reed.

“They lived together, they slept in the same bed every right, and Johnny handled all things Daken couldn’t. They trusted each other completely. Daken hasn’t had another relationship like this in his life.” Reed says pointedly. “Which I think should factor into your decision as to whether or not he can attend today's activities. This wasn’t a simple ‘boyfriend’. It was the deepest connection he’s ever been able to make with another person. The fact that he made it either spoke to how deeply compelling Johnny was… or to how Daken’s illness immediately started to strip him of his conditioning.”

The three of them stand in silence. “He can’t go.” Morris says finally. “I can’t risk it.”

Reed nods a little stiffly. “Then, whatever happens, is on your head.”

“That sounds so… horrific.”

“You’ve not seen him on a bad day yet.” Sue says quietly. “Plus... he’s been listening to all of this. He knows your out of your depth. You have no upper hand with him.”

“I have plenty of experience to handle this.” Morris snaps. “Please remember that this is my ward.”

Reed chuckles. “You’re young. You’ve had a few high profile cases- and believe me when I say- you’re out of your league. My best advice to you is to think on your feet as quickly as you can. Every step you make he’s already made three more.” Reed kisses Sue on the side of her head. “We’re leaving. I’ll have her back by five.”

Morris nods. “Please take care, Susan.” She sounds stiff.

She’s out of her league. I’m out of her league. I didn’t know medical professions had leagues.

“Oh,” Reed calls back to her as he’s walking off, “The new gloves are shock resistant… however examining the old ones I noticed that there were three cracks forming in the metal.”

“...cracks?” Morris sounds interested again.

“You’ll find he’s very intelligent- if you hadn’t realized it yet. Long-term containment will be your biggest issue.”

He stops when he’s closer to my door. “I’m sorry they won’t let you attend.” He says. “Please remember that she’s not your enemy. Fighting her will get you nowhere.” He smiles sadly. “Try to feel better.”

“Reed.” Morris snaps. “I told you not to interact with him.”

“He’s fine.” Mark says looking back over his shoulder. “Hasn’t moved from the bed.”

“Keep him there until they’re off the ward.” Morris orders, putting a hand on Reed’s shoulder and ushering him away from the door.

The cracks… new gloves. I need to start working on them. I lay back on the bed and start extending my claws as quickly as possibly. Out- and there’s a ping against the metal. In. Out. In. Out. In.

It’s five hours a day for two weeks. That’s the time it takes. Less if I speed up the extensions and retractions.

“Whatcha doin’ in there bud?” Mark calls. “What’s that noise?”

I don’t answer.

In and out. In and out. Faster and faster. The metal pings and pings.

“Excuse me, Mark.” Morris is back. She walks past him and frowns. “Your breakfast is on the floor.”

I glance down at the mess. “I’m not hungry.”

“Five bites isn’t that taxing now- is it?” She smiles. “I’ll call and get you something else. What would you prefer? Oatmeal? Cereal?”

I don’t respond.

Ping. Ping. Ping.

over and over.

“If you continue to do that- I will tighten those gloves.” Morris walks over to the bed and bends down until she is eye level with me. “I know you are questioning my credentials after Doctor Richards, but I assure you- you are not out of my league. The two of us can make this very easy on each other if we are honest and straightforward.”

“Honestly?” I say.

“Yes?”

“The gloves won’t go any tighter,” I smirk. “They’ve tried.”

“And you’re just going to stab them until they break?”

“You’re the first person to catch me,” I say quietly. “Don’t tell Reed. I like to keep him guessing.”

“We’re going to be great friends Daken.” She says sincerely. “I want to help you. Please- let me help you.”

“I don’t want your help.” I look away from her. “I don’t want anyone’s help.”

“You want to die.” She says. “You want to give up. You’ve fought this far against… everything. Your stories are terrifying. People are visibly ill when they read them. I’ve known all of three doctors who can stand listening to the recordings of you talking about your experiences…. Three.”

“Three?”

Only three? They thought drugging me and having me recount some of my ‘experiences’ would be good practice. When drugged I didn’t really care what I was saying…. It didn’t matter to me what they knew. Every detail I had in my brain was theirs.

There are a good five minutes of just me describing the compound I grew up in. It’s actually quite boring until they started directing it towards the ‘heavy shit’.

“I was one of them.” She says with a nod. “Yolks another. And the third was a man you interviewed with.”

I just nod.

“Let me help you.” She says gently. “Please. I know I can. I can see that your story has a happy ending. You deserve a happy ending.”

Yea… right.

Like there will ever be any ending whatsoever without him.

She’s silent for a second. “I know you think it impossible- but at least let me try. If you can’t be happy you can at the very least be stable. I think your stability is very important to you.”

Of course, it is. Who would choose to go through this? Of course, I want to be stable.

“Let me try.” She repeats.

“Fine.” I say quietly.

“And don’t fight me.” She adds.

I have to make my face stay even. Not fighting is not an option. It’s just not in me. I have to fight.

Against her. Against Logan. Against the situation itself. I have to fight.

The only things I don’t fight are ironically the illness itself.

“Did you take your pills yet?” She asks gently.

I shake my head.

She nods. “I’ll go get you some food and bring your pills back with me.”

Right. You do that.

When she exits my eyes fall back to the receptor. There’s probably a message or two on there from him…. something to remember him by.

I can’t bring myself to read it. I stare at the glass… almost inching my fingers towards it- but pull back a the last second.

I’m not ready to read his words.

I’m not ready for the finality of it. For the fact that it’s the last thing he’ll ever say to me.

I can’t handle that.

I pick up the glass and set it inside the small nightstand it’s sitting on.

Later.

Later on, I will have to look at it- for curiosities’ sake. Until then, it will remain in the drawer.

His words unread, his funeral unattended…. I can almost fool myself into thinking he’s alive. Almost.

For right now it almost feels comforting to think like that. To think that he’s on the other side of these walls somewhere. Waiting for a visit. Waiting to come back and take me home.

Waiting to do what he did best- be a hero.

I am no hero. I have no aspirations to be seen as one.

The fact that I lost him to his own heroics breaks me.

Johnny will be mourned as a terrific fighter who was killed in the line of duty that comes with protecting the earth.

And they will mourn him for a small period of time.

But the truth is that there are several heroes out there. More than you can count. More graduating out of the schools and practices of the older heroes.

How long will they really mourn him? How long will they remember him?

When will he cease to mean something?

Except to me and Sue of course. He’ll be our everything…. But once he’s out of that spotlight…. He’ll cease to exist.

The thought makes me sick to my stomach.


	19. head is spinin'

They’ve been gone for about two hours.

God only knows where the ceremony is… or even what time it started.

The staff refuses to tell me even the slightest bit of information…. Least it leads to an ‘upset’.

Their wording there. They won’t tell me anything because it might lead to an ‘upset’.

And no one seems to think that not telling me anything will lead to an upset of equal or greater value than telling me.

I wished for a distraction… and I think they’ve taken it too far.

They’ve been so distracting that it’s irritating.

And being irritated makes me ignore them… which brings me back to the problem at hand.

It’s a whole ‘if you give a mouse a cookie’ sort of circle.

Don’t tell me anything, I get upset. I get upset, they distract. Their distracting gets annoying- I stop being distracted. I stop being distracted and remember why they’re trying to distract me. And finally- I get upset and restart the cycle.

“And if you’ll just…” She grips my hand tightly, fingers scrambling for purchase against the gloves, “Move your hand this way….”

Linda smells like flowers. Not perfume flowers- fresh flowers. She’s been doing ‘housework’ on the ward. Apparently, flowers are something Sue likes to keep around. They’re placed in pretty much every room.

“Daken, just move the pencil...”

I keep my hand rigid.

“Please, now. I’m trying to get you to do this simple thing.” Linda huffs.

I don’t know why they think art would be a good distraction. She’s attempting to make me draw something or another.

For the record, I have excellent motor control. I can actually draw pretty decently. I’ll be damned if I tell Linda that, though.

“Come on Daken. Work with me.”

I keep as still as possible with her yanking on my hand.

“Fine.” Linda huffs. “Fine. We’ll move on to something else.”

I’d like to see what.

They tried taking me around the hospital- I tried to escape as soon as I was through the door.

Going off ward was then prohibited.

They tried to get the masseuse to relax me- but he was a man… and I wanted nothing to do with him.

He didn’t take that hint though and tried to ‘insist that I relax’. He made the mistake of pushing me down to the bed.…so I punched him in the face. Repeatedly.

Needless to say, now the massage therapist wants nothing to do with me either.

Music was horrible. They tried to play some and I unplugged the stereo- again wanting nothing to do with it.

That leaves them with no options.

Linda lets go of the pencil and my hand, staring at the small, faint, gray line she managed to make me make. “This won’t do.” She fusses. “You’ve resisted everything we’ve tried to do with you.”

I think I’m not the only one wishing I was at that funeral now.

Not that I really care what Linda wants- mind you.

The door to the ward, which I’ve distinctly taught myself to listen for- opens up.

Someone is coming to our little party.

Probably a security guard- they’ve placed two new ones on the ward after my escape attempt.

It’s kind of humorous to bother them just by moving around. Their eyes are locked onto me- watching my every move. So I pace. Or hang out by the doors if I’m feeling particularly bothersome.

The door to the game room is propped open… as are all the doors apparently. No closed doors in this ward today. Not that I’ve had time to do anything mind you. They’ve kept someone on me literally all day. I can’t turn around without running into someone.

“Oh well.” She sighs, drawing me back to her disappointed face. “I suppose you could- “

“I’d like to go to my room.” I interrupt.

“Your room?” She questions.

“Alone.” I add.

“Daken-“

“Please.” I look at her, taking in her calculating face. “I need some time alone.”

She’s quiet for a second before sighing again. “Of course you do. This was a bad idea from the start.” She puts a hand on my shoulder. “I’ll be at the nurse's desk- alright? You take it easy.”

Linda lets go of my shoulder and walks out of the room.

I don’t really have a plan for escape… but I’d like the chance to lay down and think of one.

The ward is cold. Which is odd considering that it just regained power about an hour ago.  
The flooring under foot makes a louder sound than I’d expected. My wearing socks and stepping quietly taken into account... it just feels loud. Everything feels loud…. Even the silence.

“Hey, there-” Tim starts.

“He’s fine.” Linda says quickly. “We’re going to let him lay down for a while.”

Tim looks at me for a second. “Is this a trick?” He asks cautiously.

I stop walking and glare at him.

“I’m serious.” He says firmly. “Is this another trick?”

“Tim,” Linda says quietly. “He’s not in the mood for a trick right now.”

The call anything I do to be difficult a ‘trick’. That term includes any escape/suicide attempts.

It’s all a big laugh.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

“That’s what I thought last night too...” Tim says in a guarded tone. “Before he shocked himself.”

“He’s going to go lay down.” Linda says gently, taking a seat at the nurse's station. “There’s nothing in that room that he can use to hurt himself.”

Tim finally nods. He looks me over one last time. “Hope you have a nice rest.” He says with a somewhat forced smile. I make him nervous. I can smell it. He’s almost afraid of me.

I can work with fear.

My room, despite its openness, feels rather small right now.

I flop down onto the bed on my side, burying my face in the pillows.

This isn’t how today was supposed to go.

This isn’t how any of this was supposed to go.

Damn this place. Fuck Logan for sending me here. Fuck the doctors for not letting me go to the funeral…. how must that look? Johnny went through hell for me and I’m not even present at his funeral? There’s the story the press will sell right there. I’m an ungrateful, unloving, monster of a human being.

‘who probably deserved everything that’s happened to him.’ Shifter whispers. ‘going to cry mongrel? it’s all you can do. the ‘mighty’ has fallen so low. no powers. manhandled from place to place…. it’s about lunch time now- isn’t it? time for your keepers to come and take care of the poor little infant mongrel. cry now. lick your little wounds.’ He snickers. ‘worthless creature.’

Worthless.

I am worthless.

My worth… I was only worth something to Johnny.

‘that’s it. worthless. not even human at this point.’

Stop. Just stop. I’m already feeling bad. Why does he have to do this?

‘whine whine whine. cry, cry, cry. ‘he won’t leave me alone! look at me! feel sorry for me because i can’t control what goes on in my own head’ blah. blah. blah.’

I grab the pillow and place it against my ear. I know logically this won’t help- but it seems to be doing at least something to try and shut him up.

‘shut me up? please.’ He scoffs. “those little pills work well. they keep you from seeing me… unless you’re upset. do you feel upset mongrel? do you think we’ll get to meet face to face today? wouldn’t that be lovely? johnny boy left… but not shifter. good ol’ shifter will stay with his darling little mutt.’

This intense panic fills my guts.

I try to reason through it- like a logical person. But it is unbearable. I fling my legs over the side of the bed, standing up so fast that my head spins.

What to do? What is there to do?

I pace. Ten steps forward. Ten steps backward.

‘pacing now?’ Shifter hisses. ‘doggie needs a walk? go tell your owners. i’d hate for you to make a mess on the floor.’

Argh. That statement brings up rather unpleasant memories with Shifter. Things I’d rather not think about right now.

Forward. And Back. Forward and Back.

There’s a knocking but I ignore it. I can’t tell if it’s inside or out.

There’s pressure on my shoulder, a force holding to one spot and not letting me go.

It’s got to be Shifter.

I swing out at it, and it grunts and let’s go.

That gives me enough time to stumble back towards the bed.

“Easy!” Not shifter’s voice. “Easy there.”

The blankets tangle under my hands and feet as I try to get distance from the assailant.

“Easy.” It’s a woman. “Shh. Okay? Easy. Let’s breathe.”

I don’t want to breathe. I don’t want to move. I need her to go.

“Easy.” She repeats. “Okay... see? Are you confused? Do you feel confused at all?”

“...What?” My voice sounds foreign to me.

“Yea- I thought so.” The woman looks very familiar. “Look here, you’re in the hospital but you’re okay. Okay? You’re completely safe.”

“Who-” I have to think. This person was attacking me.

No- wait. She wasn’t. She’s not coming any closer to me. She’s staying put. Her tone is even… her vital signs are stable… and she smells like… flowers?

Flowers….

Linda. Right. The nurse.

I stop backing away from her, slumping forward and putting my head in my hands.

“There we go.” She moves closer. “You okay?”

“I need space.” I snap. “I told you I needed space.”

She’s got a red mark on her face from where I punched her.

“Well yes, you did.” She agrees. “But you seemed to be very agitated when I was walking by. It’s my job to check on things like that.”

“I’m not responsible for punching you.” I sound a tad hysterical again. They’re going to come down twice as hard if they think I did that on purpose. “I’m not.”

“No, no, no.” She says quickly. “You’re not. I know better than to touch a patient in a state like that. I wasn’t thinking. “

Things settle in a weird sort of way. Nothing feels real.

“Why don’t you lay back down?” She presses a hand on my shoulder, pushing me back to the bed gently. “Just until you get your head back on straight. Okay? Lay down and take as much time as you need.”

Like I need encouragement.

Sleep is the only way I’m going to get anything accomplished right now. At least mentally.

I close my eyes as Linda releases my shoulder. By the small noise she’s making, I’m guessing she’s happy with this turn of events.

I hear her footsteps echo away from the room as she leaves. Part of me almost wishes she’d stayed.

Why did that happen? Am I really that upset?

I can’t sleep. I can’t even begin to try to sleep.  
Today is horrible. All days have been horrible but today is the worst. He’s gone. Completely gone. The pieces left of him are being lowered into the ground…. Where he’ll never see sunlight again.

I have this sudden longing for him. I mean- I have that almost constantly… but it doubles. I need him here.

I’m not ready to let him go. I’m not ready to try to move on with my life. I may never be ready….

In Romulus’ circle, there was a woman with a healing factor who lost her love… and then proceeded to go insane over the course of fifty or so years. I remember our meeting her as a child. They were terrifying.

That attests to the company Romulus kept, though. And… what if I’m like that. What if I go entirely insane? Are there levels of insanity? Where am I now? what will I be at later?

There’s a small ping… just a quiet little sound. Almost unnoticeable.

It happens a few more times…

I can’t stop hearing it.

I have to find this and make it stop. Or, in the very least, discern whether or not it’s an actual noise.

Tracing it to its source… I find it’s coming from the bedside table.

The receptor. It must be dying or something.

I open the drawer and watch the glass screen turn white.

Dying.

I doubt Logan sent the charger.

Maybe… I should read whatever he sent me. Since it’s dying and I’m missing him so terribly.

It’s… not a terrible idea.

And it’s better than sitting here fretting over whether or not I’m going to go insane.

I reach in and pick the receptor up, carrying it back over to the bed and sitting down.

The screen pulls up several blue boxes- all with blurred text. I scroll through the boxes with my thumb, moving them to the side and out of the way of the next one.

The scrolling stops after five boxes.

I scroll back to the beginning and double tap it with my thumb.

This will definitely cause an ‘upset’. I can feel it now.

‘So… spider crabs.’ He starts. ‘I think that’s where we left off? I had a small problem with our alien ‘buddies’. Man, these Kree are something else. I always thought they weren’t that good at fighting... but something’s changed. They’re more…. ‘fighty’. ‘

Fighty? Wonderful use of a made up word.

I can hear him telling me this.

‘I’m going to tell you before anyone else does- things are getting bad up here. Not that I can’t handle it- okay? I’m still coming back. I promise.’

He lied. That’s a lie. He’s in a box. He’s in the ground. He’s not coming back.

I can’t let myself be deluded by these words that were sent before the fact.

They’re the words of a dead man. My dead man. The only man I wanted to spend this pitiful existence with.

‘You looked so sad today.’ He continues. ‘Try to be happy- alright? I know this is hard on you. Believe me- I do. Just try to relax. I’m so proud of how well you’re doing.’

There’s a long paragraph break.

‘Just had to go fix the jet.’ He informs. “It’s falling apart at the seams.’

Another long break.

‘I guess I should end this here. I love you. Try to relax.’

And it ends.

What was up with the long pauses?

Did he have to take breaks while writing?

What was going on?

I bet Sue would know. I should ask her for information.

The next message is barely a paragraph.

‘Good evening babe. Going to do some security detail today. It’s a good idea- right? I’ll be gone all day. I found something I think you might like. Some sort of black blade thingy. I picked it up at a shop. I’m totally bringing it back for you… along with some alien money. You’ve got to see alien money. It’s freaky as shit. Anyway, I’ve got to go. I love you. I’ll talk to you real soon.”

I wonder if that was the detail… that got him killed?

Next one.

“Serious note here- Things have gotten really weird. I don’t want you to hear it from someone else. I’m on security detail for a big conference today. They think it could be a little ‘bumpy’.’

No. This is it. This is the one. These are his last words.

‘I’m going to come home to you.’ He promises. ‘I promise. And until then I just want you to remember that I love you more than anything. Keep taking your pills and doing what the doctors tell you. I’ll be back before you know it.’

Lies. Lies. Lies.

‘I promise you Daken, I will come back for you- I know you’re worried. I know you’re probably sick with worry after reading this… but I’m a big boy. I can fight if I have to. And keep in mind that what I’m doing is for the good of our entire species. If you’re ever in doubt of that, just think of how the world would be if these fuckers actually did invade.’

If they invaded… if Johnny hadn’t gone… he’d still be here. We could have fought them off on our home turf. He could have had me with him.

‘I love you so much. Please try not to worry. I’ll be back soon.’

He died. That was the last...

Wait. No, it’s not.

There’s two more.

How… are there two more?

They’re not dated. I have to go by clues as to what he was saying and what happened to know what day it was.

The fourth one is a jumble of words.

‘Bluid nor mube.’

Three words. Three words that don’t make any sense.

The fifth message has to be more helpful.

‘S. 100, 504,23. N 20, 102, 54, G102. P1AH.’

Numbers.

Fucked up words and numbers.

Someone’s fucking with me and I’m going to kill them for it.

None of that was helpful.

I lay back on the bed and put the receptor beside me.

All I know for sure is that he loved me... and he wanted to save the world.

I try to put the nonsense out of my head… but it keeps coming back.

‘Bluid nor mube’

What if those are words… but the fingers typing them hit other keys? Typos! They’re typos!

I try to act calm as I get out of bed.  
Linda looks up from her station.

“Feeling a little better dear?” She asks with a smile.

“I need paper.” I skip the niceties.

“You feel like drawing?” She sounds overjoyed.

“No.” I snap. “I need to decode something.”

I walk into the game room and start to gather up the discarded art materials.

I’m not surprised that Linda is there when I turn around.

“Decode something?” She repeats. “Like a brain game?”

I need her off my case. “Yes.” I agree. “I’m doing a brain game.”

“Wonderful!” She chirps. “What a wonderful thing to do! Do you need any help?”

Help…I need…

“I need a keyboard.” I inform, taking the materials and taking them back to my room.

“A keyboard?” She follows me quickly.

“Like… from a computer or a phone. Something with keyboard letters on it.”

She seems to be in thought. “Here.” She fishes out her I-phone. “I’ll hold it for you and you can copy down the letters yourself.”

Right. Because there’s no way she’s going to let me hold a phone.

“Thank you.”

She pulls up her text screen and lets me see the keyboard.

Right. Top row, Q,W,E,R,T,Y,U,I,O,P  
Middle row. A,S,D,F,G,H,J,K,L  
Bottom row. “Z,X,C,V,B,N,M’

“Got it?” She questions.

I make sure to draw them in the exact shape of the keyboard, placed just like they’re supposed to be.

“Got it.”

“Great.” She says happily. “Where’s the puzzle?”

Fuck. What am I going to tell her?

“It’s something Johnny sent me a while ago.” It’s not exactly a lie. “He liked to do puzzles.” That, however- is a lie.

“Oh.” She looks a little shocked. “Oh Daken, are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“Please.” I don’t have to pretend to sound desperate. “I need to do this.”

Linda looks me over before sighing. “Alright…” She walks over to the doorway. “But do it with the light on.” She flicks the light switch. “It’s far too dark in here with this storm outside.”

I’d almost forgotten that the storm was still raging from this morning. There are been small breaks in the weather- but none long enough to lift the darkness.

I just nod. “Thank you.”

She smiles and goes back to her desk.

Right. So it's, ‘bluid nor mube.’

The first word could be ‘fluid’. That one’s easy enough.

Nor… let me see. If you keep the N, and the O, but move the r a letter, you get NOT.

Mube…. If you do the same thing, but keep the first letter, it’s M, the letter to the right of U is I, the letter to the right of B is N and if you keep the E- it spells ‘mine’.

So all together it’s ‘fluid not mine’.

And I was told that doing puzzles never amounted to anything.

The last text was a string of numbers. ‘S. 100, 504,23. N 20, 102, 54, G102. P1AH.’

‘Fluid not mine’

Fluid... as in what?

What fluid is not his?

Or, if you keep the B and mix the letters it says ‘build is not mine’

But that doesn’t make any more sense than fluid does.

When was this message sent? Why does this give me such a strange feeling of.... almost hope.

This is a message after his last message that pretty much happened the day he died.

So…. logically… he’s not dead.

He must have sent the message.

He’s trying to tell me something.

His receptor only links to mine. That particular one only goes one way…. To me. He can’t dial out on it.

So if he were alive… the only way he’d be able to send a message… is to me.

I got to look back at the messages, but the screen goes clear again… just a piece of glass. Dead.

Fuck. What were those numbers? I need to write them down.

Let’s think… ‘S. 100, 504,23. N 20, 102, 54, G102. P1AH’

They seem like some kind of fucked up… coordinates! Those are...

Fuck. Okay.

That’s… I’ve got to get this to someone else!

Fuck… fuck… Okay, think.

They won’t let me have phone privileges… unless I do something worth phoning about.

Like….

I need to get in touch with Logan.

But they know I wouldn’t willingly call Logan.

Me asking to call him could be seen as a ‘breakthrough’. And there’s not a doctor involved with my case who hasn’t pushed for me to make a ‘breakthrough’ with my father.

That would be a game changer.

I’m betting after this morning, Morris could be in the market for a game changer.

‘slow down mongrel’. Shifter sneers. ‘you’re going to hurt yourself thinking this quickly.’

I need to have a breakthrough… and I need them to believe that I need to call my father.

I’m going to need to cry… and cause a scene... and more importantly beg for them to let me speak to my father.

Now I need a catalyst. Something to get upset over.

.. the puzzle. I’ll get upset because I couldn’t solve it... and then get upset because I’m alone. Then, once I’m upset that I’m alone, I’ll start ‘missing’ my father and wanting to talk to him.

Once they get him on the phone, I’ll tell him about the message- quickly because they’re probably going to try to stop me- and then order him to come and get me.

I’m going to get Johnny.

He’s alive.

I know he’s alive.

He has to be alive.

None of this real… none of this is actually happening. He’s alive. On a hostile planet. And he wants me to come and save him.

But... can I?

I mean... logically I won’t go with them- will I?

None of that is important. What is important is that I have to get this message to Logan. So that means I have to get him on the phone. Which means that I have  to get my plan into motion. Now.

I grab my paper and go to the doorway.

I need to explode.

No- no. I need to look agitated.

I start to twitch, rocking back and forth a little. The things I do when I’m really bad off- I’m told. Obviously, I don’t notice myself doing them.

Linda hones in on it right away. “You okay Daken?”

Hook.

I shake my head a few times.

“No? What’s wrong?”

Another shake.

“Daken? Talk to me. What’s going on?” She gets up from her seat and walks over to me. “Did something happen with your puzzle?”

I nod.

“Okay… see? That’s not so hard. Could you not figure it out?”

So far I haven’t had to say a word. If you say nothing they fill in the blanks for you.

I continue not to say anything.

“Honey, could you not figure it out?”

I hate the pet names. No one is allowed to call me pet names other than Johnny.

And Logan’s done it a few times while I’ve been pretty out of it. Once was “Kiddo” And another time was “Darlin’” Though I pray to god that was one he was addressing to X- who was also in the room. That’s stab-worthy right there.

“Oh, come here.” She puts an arm around me. “No need to get upset.

I can feel myself shaking... but really that’s just in memory of Logan doing all of this to me.

“Johnny wouldn’t have wanted to upset you.” She soothes. “He probably sent that to be fun and get your mind off of things.” She rubs my shoulder. “Do you want help? We could figure it out together.”

Not working. She’s defusing the situation too well. Damn her.

“It’s not that.” I say lowly. Right. Right tone. Good.

“No?” She continues to rub my shoulder. “Why don’t you tell me what’s going on then? Why are you upset about the puzzle?”

I just shake my head again.

“Oh honey,” Second pet name use. “Come on, now. Did it upset you that he sent it? That he’s… gone? Today’s a big day. It’s very final.”

Today isn’t happening. He’s not in that box. He’s alive. He’s got to be alive.

I just nod. “I’m alone.” I add.

Line.

“Oh, sweetie,” Third pet name, “You’re not alone. You’ve got wonderful people who love and care for you. Like-“

“My father?” I ask quietly.

“Like your father.” She agrees. “He cares about you very much.”

Now... I need to cry. It would be easier if I could use my own powers on myself to inflict the feeling. Instead, I just think of Johnny. Alone. In space. Probably in pain or being tortured or-

“Daken,” She soothes. “Don’t cry. What’s wrong?”

“I miss him.”

She nods. “Johnny- “

“Not just Johnny.” I interrupt.

Her eyes are a little big. “Your father? You miss your father?”

I nod.

This story I’m selling makes me sick to my stomach.

There’s a small cough behind us. “Daken.”

I almost freeze when I hear Morris.

“Doctor.” I say hoarsely through my fake upset.

“’Doctor’?” She repeats. “Very formal of you.”

Linda turns to her. “Doctor Morris, I think he needs to call his father.”

Morris nods, putting her hands on her hips. “I’m sure he does.”

‘This isn’t how you act when you’re upset.” She says in my head.

“But he’s not being honest as to why he wants to call his father.”

I shrug off Linda and turn to face the doctor- “Look- “

“You can’t manipulate my staff Daken.” She seethes.

“I need to call my father.” I say clearly. “I have information for him about Johnny’s mission.”

“Oh?” She raises an eyebrow. “And where did you get this information?”

“He sent it to me.” I growl.

Linda looks confused. “Doctor- I had no idea he was-“

Morris turns to her. “It’s alright Linda. Let me handle this from here.” Linda quickly walks into the living room, giving us space.

“He’s alive. I need to alert someone so they can go get him.” I say as seriously as I can muster.

“I see.” She says in a tone I can’t decipher.

“Please-“

“What have I told you about begging?” She questions in a severe tone.

“Morris- Listen to me. “

“You’re deluded.” She informs me.

“No!” I say quickly, showing her the paper. “He sent me a jumble of words and numbers days after his last message- the last message was on the day that he died!” I pass the paper to her. “Look! I decoded the words using a keyboard.” I point to the sentence. “He’s trying to say something.”

Morris looks at the paper for a minute. “And you got this out of your receptor?”

“Yes.” I exhale. She’s on my side. She’s got to be on my side.

“Can I see it?” She questions.

Ah. .”Well… it died after I wrote this down.”

“Ah. I see.” She folds the paper up and puts it in her pocket. “Very convenient that it dies right after you found this.” She says skeptically.

“I only read the messages because it was beeping.” I inform, voice low. I reach for the paper, but she backs away.

“No touching.” She chides. “Daken… I think maybe you’re a little too….”

“I’m fine.” I interrupt. “I need to talk to my father.”

“You don’t have the privileges yet.” She says gently. “We’re not breaking any more rules.”

“Please.” My voice sounds desperate. “This is an emergency.”

Morris shakes her head. “I’d be more inclined to believe you if you hadn’t spent your time here tricking the staff and myself.”

“...What? No- this isn’t a trick! I’m not lying- please-”My voice cracks.

“Shh, Shh.” She interrupts. “Now Daken, I will call your father in the morning and see what he thinks of this…. And we’ll go from there.”

In the....” In the morning??? If they leave now they can have a ship there by tomorrow night! They need to know immediately!”

“In the morning.” She says with a nod. “I don’t want you to think I’m not taking this seriously, Daken. But you are prone to lies and delusions. I will not make one of your ‘tricks’ a priority.”

“It’s not a trick!” The world is spinning like it does before shit happens. Like major shit. “Please- every minute we waste is one he’s closer to dying... You have to listen to me!”

“Johnny is dead, Daken.” She says firmly. “They tested the DNA. The body parts are his. Johnny is dead.”

“NO… no, he’s not.” I reach for the paper again, but she backs away even further.

“Stop that.” She says seriously. “You’ll not touch me.”

“I’m not trying to touch you! I’m trying to get the paper back!” I yell.

“I’m going to give it to your father.” She assures. “I’ll call him up in the morning and ask if he’d come for a visit.” She takes me in. “And stop yelling. Everything is fine.”

But…

“I need to talk to Logan.” I plead. “Please. I need to talk to him.”

“Johnny is dead, Daken.” She presses. “I need you to tell me that. Tell me that you understand that he’s dead.”

“He’s not dead.” I shake my head. “He’s not- I have messages from him- he’s not dead.”

“His body is in pieces.” She says firmly. “Daken- he’s dead. Mourn him. But do not get deluded into some wild goose chase. Those numbers you have? Those aren’t coordinates or anything of the sort. Just random numbers. Numbers you probably picked up walking around the hospital today. Things your mind is doing to trick you.”

“My mind is not trying to trick me!”

“Calm down.” She says gently. “Just calm down.”

“Johnny is alive! And on some distant planet with no way to get home! I will not let you stand between me and his safety!”

My voice raises and my body starts trembling. She’s going to make it happen. I’m going to meltdown in front of her. In a major way. The ones that get me on some kind of IV drip.

“Johnny is dead.” She repeats. “They checked the DNA of the body. Johnny is dead.”

“No-“

“Repeat it Daken. Repeat me. Johnny is dead.”

“NO. NO.” My world is falling apart again.

“Johnny is dead.” She says again. “They tested the DNA of the body parts- It is his. It’s several limbs and a head- Daken. They have a head.”

They have a…

My knees are weak.

A head. No one told me they had a head.

“But- “

“Johnny is dead.” She repeats.

I'm crushed. 

I feel the floor getting close to me. I kneel, trying to think while holding off the crushing feeling of dread. 

“Say it Daken.” She says. “Put this business to rest.”

“I need to talk to Logan.” I say numbly.

She nods from over me. “Of course. We have an appointment set up for the two of you for Thursday. We’ll call him tomorrow and you’ll see him Thursday.”

“Thursday?”

She pauses. “DO you know what day it is?”

No. “No.”

“Do you know the date?”

I shake my head.

“…Do you know the year?”

I have to shake my head again.

“Do you know the month?”

NO.... why don’t... why don’t I know these things?

“You live in your own little world.” She says gently. “A lot of people with mental illnesses do. You’ve completely detached yourself from things outside of your realm.”

That’s not true.

“That’s not true!” I argue. “And this has nothing to do with Johnny!”

“No, it doesn’t. It has something to do with Daken. You don’t like to talk abut things that have to do with Daken.”

I feel so…. disconnected.

“The only thing you’ve kept track of is you, your illness, and the people involved with your circle.”

“Wait... no. No. That’s not true.” I shake my head.

She bends down. “Daken- what’s the name of your father’s school?”

That… “What?”

“Your father’s school. You’ve stayed there. What’s the name?”

“I... don’t know.”

“No, you don’t. Because it wasn’t part of your story.”

“Why are you doing this?” Is all I can ask.

“We’re going to break your little world.” She says gently. “The one you’ve built that mainly consists around Johnny. You’re not going to like it… but for you to get better- you’ve got to get to where you can face the hand you’ve been dealt like a grown up.”

“What are you even talking about??” I demand.

“Look at me.” She instructs.

“I don’t want to.” I don’t like how she’s talking.

She takes my face in her hands and makes me look her in the eyes. “Johnny is dead.” She says firmly. “And I’m going to go into your mind and break whatever little reality you’ve slowly been concocting.”

“I don’t do that!” I try to reason. “Please- check the files. That’s not one of my symptoms!”

“No- not yet it’s not. But it’s becoming one.” She says. “We’re going to stop it before it happens.”

“Please-“

“It will only take a minute.” She assures. “Why don’t you sit up. It will be over quickly.”

She’s quiet for a second before frowning.

My head feels like it’s full of liquid. My memories... my reality….

The victims I have.

The victim I am.

The people who hurt me.

The people who tried to save me.

The useless waste of space….

Master lessons and Shifter’s games.

Johnny’s embraces….

My reality.

My full reality.

This fucked up thing I’ve been fighting.

When it starts to solidify someone is crying.

I look up and notice it’s not Morris.

“There.” She says gently. “There, there.” She moves away from me. “Tim?”

The man joins her.

“Take him to his room- alright?” She squeezes my shoulder. “A few more of those and you’ll be ready to start really working on your illness.” She promises. “For today, rest.”

Tim tries to put a hand under my arm, but I quickly punch him in the nose.

“Why did you do that?” I demand with a growl,  face still wet.

“Daken-“

“You think I don’t know my reality?” I demand. “You think I don’t know what happened?”

“Listen,” Morris backs up a little. “I know it hurts a little- but I’m trying to help you.”

“Why would you make me face that?? My ‘world’ is filled with these nightmarish things! Why would you make them stronger??”

“Tim, take him to bed.” She orders.

“No!” I thunder. “I will not be put to bed like some child! You will answer me! Why aren’t you helping me?? Why won’t you let me talk to my father?? Why do you refuse to believe me!?”

“They have your boyfriend’s head.” She says calmly. “There is no possible way he’s sending you messages.”

“I don’t believe that.” I mutter. “I don’t believe that. This is a cover up. This is all-”I stop suddenly. “You’re in on it!” My mind is moving so quickly. I can’t really keep track. “You’re part of it! What are you!?”

“A mutant.” She says gently. “Tim- take him to bed. Get him a nice sedative- alright?”

“I will not take a sedative.” I growl, pushing up from the floor. "You're with them. You're part of it!" 

Tim grabs me before I can get too close to Morris. “Easy now.” He says gently. "Just calm down." 

“What are you!?” I demand to the monster in front of me. 

This is an infiltration. They knew I'd come after Johnny. They knew it- and they kept me here. They're making people believe I'm crazy.   
  
I'm not crazy. 

I'm the only one who can save him.   
  
I'm... no. She's one of them. 

“A human.” She says firmly. "From Earth." 

“Liar!”

“Oh my god.” Linda is back in the room.

“You’re all liars! All of you! This is some sort of conspiracy!”

I take a step forward only to have Tim hold me back. 

“Easy there bud.” Tim starts to move us towards my room.

“No! No!” I struggle with the man until breathing is hard. "Let me go!" I demand. "Let me," I kick him as hard as I can, "GO!" 

The world around me is spinning.

This isn't ... right. Something's not right. 

She's... 

She... 

IS she...

“Doctor? We’re going to need the restraints.” Tim grunts. 

Restraints.

“NO!” I kick at him the best I can, landing a few good contacts. “Let me go!”

This... doesn’t make sense.

"Daken," Morris says carefully, "Look at me. I am human. We are all human. We smell, sound, and look like humans. You know that. If we were something else you could smell it." 

"You won't let me go to him. Why won't you let me go to him??" 

“Hold him to the bed.” Morris says lowly, looking at me with guarded eyes.

"No!" I scream at her. "What are you??" 

"Human." She assures. "Just a run of the mill Homosapien." 

"Sorta." Tim adds through labored breathing. 

Morris nods. "Sorta." 

"Let me go!" I struggle as hard as I can. 

Tim is lifting me up before pushing my back to the bed. "Come on." He says in my ear. "Settle down." 

As soon as the sheets meet my back, I start fighting them with as much strength as I can put into it. So much so that I lift myself off of the bed.

"What the hell are you?" I demand. "Where is Johnny?" 

This is so wrong. 

"I am human." Morris is beside the bed, "And Johnny is dead." 

Tim pushes me back down as Morris grabs my wrists.

She's.... human. 

She's... then.. that means...   
  
Johnny's... 

Oh no. 

No, no, no. 

I’ve fucked up. I’ve fucked up.

I was stupid.   
  
Oh, fuck. They... no. They couldn't have seen that. Why did I let them see that? 

“I’m sorry!” I start to plead. “I’m sorry! Please- please let me go. You're not an alien. I know-” She's restraining my right wrist. "No! Please- I'm sorry." I plead. "I'm sorry!" 

"Now, Daken-" Morris moves to my left wrist. "I know this is a very trying time for you right now-"   
  
"I'm so sorry." I beg. "I didn't mean it! Please-"   
  
"This is damn near heartbreaking." Tim whispers to her, holding me down by the shoulders. I kick at him uselessly. 

“Get his feet.” Morris makes sure the wrist restraints are tight. "Keep going." 

Tim restricting my ankles just makes it worse.

“Please.” Tears again. "I'm sorry." 

“Easy.” Morris meets me by the headboard. “Easy now.”

“Please- I’m sorry.” The room is too bright. “I’m sorry.” I choke on my words.

“I know you are.” Morris says. “And you’re not feeling well. We’re going to give you something to help you sleep. After a nap, if you’re feeling better, we’ll let you up.”

“Johnny-”I gasp. “Please-“

“Johnny is dead.” She says for the millionth time. “He’s dead Daken.”

"Please... no." I beg. "Stop.. stop saying that." 

"Johnny is dead." She repeats. "And we are humans. You are very deluded." 

There are footsteps and the smell of flowers.

“Here we go, sweetie.” Linda rubs an alcohol wipe down my arm. “Little sting.” She warns.

"NO.NO. Stay the fuck away from me!" 

"Daken, try not to tense up." Morris instructs. 

Things are already blurry. I see their concerned faces and want to scream. “Please.” I beg. “Don’t sedate me. Please. I have to talk to someone.”

The needle is injected into my arm despite my protests.

"I'm so sorry, Daken." Linda says gently. "You'll feel better when you wake up- okay? You'll feel so, so much better." 

“Where’s his blanket?” Morris asks.

“Please...” My voice is weak. “You can’t do this.”

“We’re not hurting you.” She says softly. “Here’s your blanket.” She covers up my trembling body. “Have a good rest.”

“Johnny…”

“Is dead.” She says gently. “Johnny’s dead.”

This blurriness is growing… but I have to fight it off.

“NO-“

“Yes.” She says lowly. “Johnny is dead.”

He’s. dead.

Alone.

And dead.

The blackness that overwhelms me is almost comforting.


	20. Our

The feeling of being ‘pet’ is something I like to wake up to.

Johnny brought this about. My nightmares and episodes usually scared him enough into watching me while I slept. When I started to react verbally, he’d start trying to soothe me without waking me up.

I always woke up just enough to know what he was doing- but the motion and the feeling always put me back to sleep.

I’ve been riddled with nightmares these last few hours. Over and over and over.  
I need him to wake me.

I know this will get better when he wakes me.

Which is why I’m relieved to feel his usual physical comforts.

I can feel myself getting a little more aware of the situation- but not quite. Just enough to not be dreaming anymore.

I can almost smell him. I can almost hear his voice.

He’s just out of reach.

Just beyond my hand…. He never lays against me when I’m like this. He gives me most of the bed in fact.

I go to move my hand to reach out for him- but it’s stuck.

I try my other and it’s also stuck.

My legs are immobile…

This is a nightmare.

This is-

“Easy.”

No. Not his voice. Not his touch.

“Easy there.”

NO. No.

I struggle uselessly, each moment bringing a larger panic to my mind.

“Someone’s awake.” Someone says quietly.

“And unhappy.” Another voice replies.

“Daken,” Definitely not his voice. “You’ve slept through the night. It’s time to wake up.”

But… no. No, I didn’t. Why would I sleep that long?

I can’t move. I can’t... I can’t move. They’re holding me down. They’re… I can’t move. I’m stuck. I can’t defend myself! Why... can’t ... I ... move??

“Daken, relax.” The voice orders.

Relax?

I’m... restrained. Right. I was restrained when I went to sleep… the hospital. That’s right. I’m in the hospital.

“I know you’re probably a little sore from the restraints.” This has to be Morris. My eyes finally adjust to the light of the room and land on her face. “Do you remember why you’re still in restraints?”

“No.” My voice is hoarse.

“You had a little bit of an episode yesterday.” She informs, eyes soft and sincere. “Do you remember that?”

Yes, I do remember that. That doesn’t explain why I’m still in restraints. That was around lunch time yesterday. Surely they didn’t dose me with enough sedatives to knock me out for the rest of the day….

“Yes, I remember.”

She nods, shifting a little from her spot on the bed. “Do you remember waking up after that?”

Waking up?

“No,” I say in a guarded tone, looking around the room again. She’s got a new person with her. Someone bigger than all the other guards.

She’s got back up.

What did I do?

“Well, you did.” She says, intently studying my face. “You woke up and we let you out of the restraints… and you had a larger episode. You said we were trying to kill you, that we were responsible for Johnny’s death, you claimed that several of the personnel were one of your attackers in disguise, and you attacked several people.”

That would definitely explain the restraints…. And the nightmares I’ve been having.

Flashes of reality woven into my delusions.

I groan and look up at the ceiling.

“You knocked me out again?”

“You broke down three times.” She informs gently. “We tried to wake you up again.”

“Ah.”

She nods. “It’s time for you to eat…. But we don’t really trust you. So we’re going to let my friend Sam sit in here with us while I unstrap you.”

I nod towards the mountain of the man. “Sam?”

She nods. “He’s from A block.”

Ah. The dreaded “A” block.

“Am I being transferred?” I try to guess as to why he’s here.

“No.” She says quietly. “No. The other wards won’t take you.”

“Won’t take me?”

She nods. “You’ve broken down our systems Daken. No one knows how to treat you.”

Ah…

“So we’re going to get you somewhat stable, increase your medications, and send you home.” She informs. “We… can’t help you.”

They…

This is good news. I get to leave. This is good news.

…So why am I so sad?

“I’m sorry if that upsets you.” She says gently. “Your father is already here. We had to consult him before coming to this conclusion. He agrees that the best place for you in light of these things is with him.”

“With him?”

“With other mutants who can handle you.” She clarifies. “My staff was wholly unprepared.”

I’m… too crazy for a hospital?

I’m… this doesn’t make sense.

“I’m going to unstrap your hands so you can eat.” She says just as calmly and gently as this entire conversation has been. “Please don’t make any sudden moves.”

She’s covered in bruises. And… bite marks? Did I bite her?

“You were clearly out of your mind.” She says when she notices me staring. “I hold no ill will.”

Obviously enough to not let me stay here.

“Sam, if you’d bring that tray over here, I’d be very grateful.” Morris continues to watch my face as Sam places the tray on my lap. “No sudden movements.” She says again. “If you try to go for the ankle restraints I will render you unconscious.”

“I got it.” I sigh. “I’m not going to attack you.”

“You don’t remember any of your attacks?” She asks after a moment.

“I remember having nightmares.”

The food is cold. They’ve waited to bring it to me.

“Please eat.”

It’s the most awkward silence I’ve ever been in.

The food is eggs again. Which I’m not overly fond of. It’s one of those things that I’ll eat- but I don’t really like to. I was trained to eat things I don’t like, though. Growing up they didn’t exactly make food for children. I was treated like an adult in all aspects. It’s made me less picky than others.

“At least you’re eating well.” She comments.

I don’t know how to respond when people insist on praising me on such little things.

Outside in the hall, I can hear people moving, but they’re being quiet. Far quieter than they have been the last few… days.

Fuck. I’ve only been here a few days.

My behavior has been that deplorable.

“There we go.” Morris praises again. “That’s the first time you’ve eaten everything we’ve given you.”

That’s not saying much. It was a very small portion.

“Do you have to restrain me again?” I ask, trying to keep the panic out of my voice.

She nods. “For a bit. Logan’s probably going to want to go ahead and take you with him today. The choice is of course up to him, so we’re on standby until he and Dr. Yolks make an educated decision.”

“Is he...” That’s childish. No. Don’t ask that.

“Is he what?” She presses, removing the tray from my lap and pinning my right hand to the mattress.

“Never mind.” I actively avoid looking at her as she straps down my left hand.

“Is he going to come see you?” She asks gently. “Is that what you’re trying to ask?”

All I can do is a slight nod. I can’t voice those words.

“Yes.” She says. “Shortly at that. He told me to tell him as soon as you woke up…. But I put it off so you could eat…. Your father,” She pauses. “Well…. I don’t know how he’s going to act when he sees you.” She informs. “He’s particularly hard to read.”

“Is he mad?” I sound like a child again.

Morris shakes her head. “No Daken, he’s not mad.”

I bet he’s fuming. Saving it up for when he comes to see me. They’re going to have to pull him out.

“I’ll go alert Dr. Yolks and your father that you’re awake.” She stands up with the tray and walks towards the door. “Sam will stay with you…. you’re not allowed to be unsupervised. I’m sure you understand.”

I do understand… unfortunately.

Sam and I sit in silence.

I’m wondering what comes next.

Logan takes me back… Logan sends me somewhere worse?

Like one of the asylums for the criminally insane? Would he do that?

God. He would do that.

He would…

And he’s probably going to.

He’ll not listen to a word I say.

I won’t even have time to explain myself…

Fuck.

I’ll rot. Again. And he’ll say it’s ‘for the best’ and let it happen.

How can they punish me when I don’t even remember what I’ve done? That’s not fair. That’s not even remotely fair.

Is this the last day I’ll actually see sunlight?

But then... looking out the window, I see it’s raining. No sunlight to be seen.

This is going to be horrible.  
He won’t listen to me.

Worse- he’ll think I did it on purpose.

He’ll be ‘disappointed’.

God. I never wanted to impress him… I didn’t. But I feel like I’ve somehow dishonored him in a way I don’t understand. It’s not that I want to protect his honor... and it’s not that he’s an honorable man to begin with.

But…

“Sam.” Yolks voice. “Lovely to see you.”

Sam, who hasn’t said a word, says in an almost comically deep voice, “Doctor.”

He steps out of the way.

Yolks walks in briskly wearing a white lab coat. “Daken.” He greets. “I hope you’re feeling better.” He has a black eye and a swollen nose. “You didn’t seem to remember me when last we spoke. Are you in a better head space now?”

I nod.

“I’m sorry, but you have to verbalize. You went very quiet when you attacked me last time.”

I…

What?

Do I apologize? Should I apologize?

Am I even sorry that I hit him?

Should I be sorry that I hit him?

Johnny… would make me apologize. He’d say it would make me a better person.

And I suppose, for what it’s worth- I am sorry.

“I’m sorry.” It’s like pulling teeth.

“Ah.” The man smiles… he’s cracked one of his front teeth. “That’s quite alright Daken. I understand that yesterday was handled poorly on all sides.” He walks further into the room. “Has Doctor Morris explained to you how we plan to proceed?”

“Yes,” I say quietly.

“How are you feeling about that?”

I don’t want to answer.

I won’t answer.

“Sad? Anxious? Angry?” He presses.

I stay quiet.

“Ah.” He walks to the foot of the bed. “I see.”

I look intently out of the window. Rain is pelting down in sheets- like a hurricane. I’ve seen many hurricanes in my life. I feel like I’m trapped in one. The weather just reflects that.

“Your father is here; I’m sure Doctor Morris has told you that as well.”

I barely nod.

He’s going to hate me.

He already hates me.

Why the fuck do I care if Logan hates me?

He’s already killed me once.

He’s already left me.

He’s already….

So why the fuck do I care?

Why do I feel like breaking down right now at the very thought of facing him?

“He’s made his decision already,” William informs. “But he’d still like to come talk it over with you.”

“If he’s made his decision, what’s the point?” I ask quietly.

“He wants to see how you’re handling the news before he moves you. He doesn’t want you to be too upset.”

That ship has sailed.

“Can I have a few minutes?” I ask even more quietly than before. 

Yolks shakes his head slowly. “I’m afraid not. This is a hospital. We need to discharge you as soon as possible so other people can be admitted.

Right. Turnover rate.

“Oh.”

Yolks nods. “I’ll go and get him... you two can talk it out for a bit.”

I feel sick.

Majorly sick.

William leaves the room and Sam steps back into place.

“I’m going to be sick.” I say in what I hope is a sincere voice.

Sam turns to me, his eyes taking me in. “I’ll get you a trash can- but I can’t unstrap you.”

I just nod. The room starts to spin and there’s this enormous pressure in my gut. Bubbling up and up. He’s not going to make it in time with that trash can. I jerk to the side as much as the restraints allow- it’s enough for the vomit to hit the floor instead of the bed.

“Oh, my.” Yolks. Which means my father… and that makes me sick again. “I’ll go get you a washcloth.” Yolks walks into the bathroom and runs the sink for a few seconds. I’ve yet to look at the door.

Yolks is back at the bed. “Come back this way.” He instructs. I shake my head. “You’re going to hurt your wrist.” He says gently. “Come on, lean back.” He puts the washcloth over my mouth and lower face and pulls me back into my original position. I instantly look down. “There we go.”

He removes the cloth and sets it on the side table.

The room is densely silent.

“I’ll give you two the room.” He actually smiles, like he can’t feel the awkwardness.

His footsteps get further away.

My heart is racing.

“I’m not angry at you.” Logan says before I can say anything. “Calm down.” His gruff voice fills the room, demanding that I listen. He uses this tone a lot. I don’t think he even realizes that it’s his default way of speaking.

Looking down at the floor, all I can see are his boots.

“You feeling okay?” He presses. “You don’t usually puke when it involves me.”

I can’t think of something to say.

I can’t be mean. I can’t be nice. I can’t… react. Nothing makes sense.

“Are you not going to talk to me?” He’s by the bed now.

I can’t respond.

“Are you not going to look at me?” He questions.

I continue to look down.

“Alright then.” He puts a hand under my chin and forces my head up. He doesn’t look angry... but he’s definitely not happy. Stern. That look is stern. “Need to see your eyes.” He explains. “I can’t tell what’s going on if I don’t see your eyes.”

Good to know.

“So,” He drawls. “They can’t keep you here. You’ve tried to escape several times, tried to kill yourself at least twice from what they’ve said, and they saw one of your major episodes last night. They don’t think they can handle you.”

He pauses.

“What do you think we should do?”

I might be sick again.

“Come on Daken, what do you think we should do?”

Definitely going to be sick again.

“You can’t be here… and you can’t be on your own. So we’ve come up with a better solution. We’ll keep you at the school and hire someone to watch you during the days. Like assisted living. Someone to keep you in line while we’re busy.”

I shake my head.

“You don’t want that?”

No. I don’t.

“Then you’re going to have to speak to me. What do you want to do?”

I want to go home. That’s what I want to do.

“I want to go home.” There that wasn’t hard to voice.

“That’s not your home anymore.” Logan says in what could pass for a gentle tone. “Your stuff is at the school…his stuff is at the Baxter Building. I couldn’t justify the cost of keeping the house when no one was going to live in it.”

I…can’t be angry. I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut.

“Where do I live?” I ask numbly

“With me.” Logan says gently. “With me and Laura.”

“Laura?”

He nods. “She decided to move in and help out.”

“With me?” Logan gets his happy family after all. Regardless if one the members ends up wearing a straight jacket to all family functions.

He looks down. “With a lot of things.”

Probably X-force things. Is Logan still running that?

We’re quiet.

“You’re upset.” He says quietly. “About the house?”

I nod.

“But you’re not screaming at me.”

I look down at my lap.

“You’ve been put through the ringer.” He says quietly again. “Sending you here was a bad idea. You need rest in an environment that will keep you safe.”

“You sold it.” I say numbly.

“You can’t live on your own Daken. It’s just not going to happen.”

“But Johnny-“

“Is dead.” Logan says. “I got your message. I’ll charge the receptor and take a look... but they have a head, son. He’s not like us. He won’t recover from that.” He puts a hand on my shoulder. “And I don’t honestly think you’ll recover from losing him. Not for a while. It was too big of a hit.”

To that, I just nod.

“Right.” He agrees with my agreement? Odd. “And you need to come home.”

“You sold-“

“To your new home.” Logan says. “It’s a nice place.”

“It’s a tomb.”

“Hey,” Logan says gently, “It is not a tomb. You are not dying.”

He’s sold it. The only place in the world where I was safe… the only place in the world where I was allowed to be whatever the fuck I wanted to be. Despite training, and rules, and conditioning… there were no walls.

“Can I be alone for a minute?” I ask in what I hope is a strong voice.

“I can’t do that son.” He informs. “You can’t be alone.”

“Please leave.”I beg.

Because I need to have one hell of a moment and you don’t need to be in here.

“Why?”

“I need the room!” My voice cracks.

“Akihiro,” He says gently. “I’m sorry this is upsetting you so badly… but in a few years, you’ll see that it was the best call.”

And Logan’s good at making the best calls- right? Always doing the hard jobs. Always…

“I’m going to get your things.” He says. “And when we leave you’re not going to run.”

“I have nowhere else to go.” I’m in shock.

“You have nowhere else to go.” He agrees.

I close my eyes while he packs my things into a bag.

There's noise outside the door. "Logan." 

He turns around, looking at the visitor.   
  
"Hey, Sue." He greets. "How are you feeling?" 

She leans heavily in the door. 

"Where are you taking him?" 

Logan turns his attention back to me. "Back to the school." He says. 

"And the house?" 

Logan stops, eyes down. "Selling it." 

"And... his things?" 

Sue sounds so tired. 

"Back at the Baxter Building," Logan says gently. "We put all the furniture there too." 

But... 

"What about the bed?" 

Logan turns to me. "The bed?" 

I nod. "And the blankets..." 

"You want them?" 

"And his clothes." I add. 

"Daken, You don't need his clothes-" 

"I need his hoodies." I continue. "And the blankets. And.... and-" 

"You can have them." Sue says. "Logan," She turns to him. "Make sure he has them." 

I look down, at my lap.   
  
"Okay." He turns to me. "You should say goodbye." 

I can't. 

I can't. 

I..   
  
"Say goodbye son. You won't see her for a while." 

Her treatment is going to last longer. 

"Bye." I mutter. 

Sue stares at me through drug-hazy eyes. "Bye." She says weakly. 

"Susan," Linda walks into the room. "Let's give Daken some room- hmm?" 

Sue nods and walks away. 

Linda is soft spoken today. "Got something for the road." She nods to Logan. "Like you and Doctor Morris discussed. 

"Do I have to be drugged?" I ask weakly. 

"Yea." Logan says as he sets the now full bag at the foot of the bed, barely brushing my feet. "Can't take the restraints off until you're contained." 

Linda rubs the alcohol pad down my arm, right across the top portion of the tattoo. She avoids the broad lines, setting the injection site within the swirls very carefully. When she notices me looking she smiles. "Don't want to mess it up." She explains. "Looks like it took time." 

The injection is painful. I don't know what she's injecting me with. 

"Should dull some of the power build up when you take the collar off." She's explaining. I feel drowsy immediately. "He's going to be exhausted, though." She sounds sincere when she says, "Make sure he get's plenty of rest. Feed him at twelve. He's been eating fruit." 

Logan nods. "Okay. Fruit. Gotcha." 

She looks at me carefully. "I really hope you feel better." She says gently. "It's been fun to have you around." 

My head slumps forward and my vision swims. 

"Don't go to sleep just yet." She says. "Let your father get you to the car." 

They remove the restraints, letting me stumble to my feet. "Easy." Logan catches me. "Easy." He repeats, close to my ear. "I gotcha." 

"I wouldn't take the time to change his clothes." Linda instructs. "Just take him as is." 

It’s all happening too fast.

The world is a blur.   
  
I'm going home. 

To my new home.   
To the home where I sleep in a bed that is not my bed. A bed that he never slept in. In a room that was not intended for me. 

In a house that I did not pick. 

A house with none of my things.   
  
The Tv is not mine. The furniture is not mine.   
  
Where none of his car magazines are laying around. 

Where I can't smell the kitchen from my bed.   
  
To a home that is not my home. 

"Easy." I hear Logan again. "It's okay. It's all okay." 

I'm guessing he can tell I'm upset.

The world blurs some more. 

Like I'm moving in hyper speed.

We’re standing at the door to the hospital… and I don’t even remember leaving the ward.

“Worked him over good.” Tim says by the door. “Wouldn’t surprise me if he passes out as soon as he’s in the car.”

Logan puts a guiding hand on my shoulder. "He'll be okay." 

I don't see Tim but I hear him say quietly, "Feel better man. I don't think I'll get half as much of a workout as I did while you were here." 

Yolks and Morris are nowhere to be seen.

Not only am I not their problem anymore- I’m seen as their failure.

Like I was with Master.

Like I was on my own.

The rain has stopped momentarily. Logan walks us to a parking lot off to the side of the lawn.

We go to the black SUV and stop.

“You want front seat or back?” He asks. 

It doesn’t matter.

Nothing matters.

"I want to go home." I say quietly.   
  
"We are." Logan says.   
  
But it's not my home.   
  
I can't make him understand this. 

"Front seat or back seat?" He asks again. 

I stay quiet.

“Front seat it is.” He says to himself quietly.

He ushers me into the seat and then stands there. “Fasten your seat belt.”

My hand is too stiff and numb.

The... gloves are still on.

I offer my hand to him, and he just stares at it. “Fasten your seat belt.” He repeats.

I show him the gloves again.

He sighs and steps into the doorway of the car, leaning over me and buckling the belt. “Gloves are staying on for a few days.” He informs. “You hurt a lot of people last night.” He glances at me. “Keep your hands inside, I’m closing the door.”

The door closes with a sound of finality.

When his opens up he settles in quietly, locking the doors. I notice that there is no ‘unlock’ button or switch on my side.

He sees me looking and clears his throat. “Things have been updated a little…. To keep you safe.”

Keep me contained.

Whatever Linda gave me makes my eyes heavy. I curl up as comfortably as I can in the seatbelt and close my eyes.

Logan turns on the radio. It’s quiet, but with our hearing we hear it none the less.

Some classic rock station. Nothing I haven’t heard before having lived through all the eras that are considered ‘classic’ for rock music. It’s a nice soundtrack to fall asleep to.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Passed out not five minutes out of the gates.” I wake groggily, trying to discern who he’s talking to.

No one responds for a second until small disembodied voice goes, “Poor thing. Where are you now? I’m sure he’d like to get settled in between classes…. We’re going to hold them over for you so you can get him in the school with no fuss.” Storm. That’s Storm. She’s on his phone.

“Thanks, darlin’. We’re about thirty minutes out. Ask Rachel to be ready to meet us. He’s... not acting right this morning.”

I’m not ‘acting right’? I didn’t know there was a correct way for me to act.

“Get here safely.” She says. “I’ll tell you about today’s incident when you arrive.”

“Incident?” He groans. “I’m done with incidents. I’ve been up since four-thirty in the fucking morning working on ‘incidents’.”

“This one is rather small.” She says with a chuckle. “You’ll find that it’s mostly already handled.”

“Good to hear.” He snorts. “Oh- you seen X this morning?”

Storm hums. “Yes, I believe I did. She was with Hank requesting medical training.”

“Medical training?” He questions.

Laura should be efficient in medical training by now. We all are. Why would she need more?

“Another incident you and she should talk about.” Storm says knowingly. “I think you’ll find the outcome of this one more in your favor.”

“Things usually are with her.” He says wistfully. “We usually end up seeing eye to eye.”

“I’ll refrain from any obvious clone jokes as she’s not overly fond of them.” Storm says with another chuckle. “I’ve got to go, dear. I have a class to teach and little time left to prepare.”

“Thanks ‘ro.”

“Of course.”

They don’t say “I love you”. They just hang up. I wonder if he did that because I was in the car.

“You okay?” He questions into the silence.

“I’m groggy.” I admit.

“You’re very calm.” He notices. “Thanks for that.”

“I don’t have a choice.”

Logan laughs. “You always have a choice.”

“Why does X want medical training?” I question instead of answering that.

“I have a few ideas.” Logan says somewhat more seriously. “All of which I’ve told her to wait on.”

“Like…”

“We’ll fill you in on a need to know basis.” He says. “It’s not important right now.”

Right. Right.

Back to knowing nothing.

Back to being someone’s helpless child.  
I try to sleep for the rest of the ride, but my mind is too heavy.

My skin feels like it’s trying to crawl off of me.

When we pull past the gates of the school, I almost feel relieved. In the very least I can get out of the car. Small wins today. I’m going to take any small comfort or victory I can get. Then at least it won’t feel like I’m completely powerless.

Logan pulls into the garage and cuts the car off. He’s out before me and over on my side, opening the door for me.

“I can do that for myself.” I try to grouse but it falls flat.

“I know you can.” He says. “Just… let me take care of you- okay? Just for today. You can go back to being as independent as you want- just let me make sure you’re okay today.”

Today? No. It’s going to set a trend. Then it will be every day.

I go to respond, but I’m cut off by Rachel walking into the garage. “Boys,” She greets.

“Rachel.” Logan nods. “Give him a quick scan. Make sure we’re going to be semi-okay walking in.”

Rachel walks over to us and puts a finger on my temple. “Don’t show me anything I don’t want to see.” She orders.

I’ve done that to her a handful of times. I can’t muster up the energy to do it today.

"No response?" She says in a far more gentle way. 

I just shake my head. 

“He’s good.” She says after a second. “Very sad and very anxious, but good. Let’s keep the noise level down and watch the amount of stress we put him in. Other than that- we’re going to have a good day.” She smiles. "Welcome home." 

There's a pit in my stomach. 

“Great.” Logan puts a hand on my shoulder and starts to push me into the building. “Don’t get stiff.” He says when I resist. “I’m just helping you into the house.”

I would say I don’t need the help... but I’m too busy thinking of Rachel’s diagnosis. Low sounds and stress. That’s what they need to keep away from me.

It’s a school…. Full of mutants. It’s loud.

And the crowds of people are stressful….

Do they intend to lock me somewhere where none of this can effect me? Oh, fuck. They’re going to put me back in observation. That’s something I don’t want.

When we’re walking in Rachel is talking to Logan. It seems to be a hushed conversation, but I zone into the last bit.

“She’s taken matters into her own hands… because you weren’t here to consult.”

“And what ‘matters' are we talking about?” he growls.

“You’ll see.” Rachel says quietly. “Just remember- low sounds and low stress. If you’re going to throw down with her, do it away from him.”

“Am I going to need to throw down with her?” Logan asks with some humor in his tone. 

Rachel shrugs. “She’s being particularly ‘Logan-ish’ today…. So maybe.”

They must be talking about X…

Logan turns to me and then frowns. “I forgot the bag in the car.”

“I’ll get it.” Rachel offers. “Take him to his room so we can get the classes changed.”

Logan nods and we start to walk through the halls. 

“I’m not going to the med wing?” I ask in somewhat shock.

“Do you think you need to go to the med wing?” He questions. “You spent last night in restraints. I thought you’d like to go to an actual bedroom.”

“No... the bedroom is fine.” I say quickly.

He nods. "We'll move some your stuff into your room tomorrow. Ben's helping me go through what is yours and what is- " He stops.   
  
"His." 

He nods. "You had a lot of electronics. We don't know what's on what... as far as computers and stuff. Maybe when you're settled a little we can bring some of it to you." 

I don't want it. 

All of those devices have pictures on them. 

Johnny loved pictures. 

He always has. 

He has backgrounds and desktop photos of us. 

I can't take looking at them. 

"Thought we could move the bed out... replace it with yours?" Logan says gently. "We've already got all your books." 

My books. 

Probably not in their shelves.   
  
Probably out the order I deliberately set them in.   
  
It will take hours to reorganize. 

As we're walking, there a few students in the hall. 

 A few who've stood up from their classrooms and linger in the doorways. 

I can hear the teachers trying to regain their attention.   
  
Remy seems to be the loudest of them.   
  
I wonder what he's even trying to teach.   
  
What he's qualified to teach.   
  
Most of the children stare quietly. 

I catch a quick glance of Evan looking around a corner.   
  
Logan nods to him. "Back to class." His tone is gentle. 

A bamf runs through the hallway, around our feet like a sulfuric house cat, making me trip.  

 "Hey," He says softly, "Here-" He puts a hand on my shoulders again. "Easy." 

The collar beeps. The gloves are stiff against my skin.   
  
I am the only mutant in this building who is defenseless. 

"What's wrong with him?" More students. 

"Did he really get kicked out of a hospital?" Whisper, whisper, whisper. 

"I don't want him near me." Someone says quietly. "Not with his powers." 

my powers. 

"Drive us all insane." 

"Not safe." 

"Unstable." 

"What is Logan thinking??" 

"Easy." Logan watches me intently. "Just kids." He says. "They don't know any better." 

I feel mildly upset. 

Not enough to let the onlookers know it. 

"Next person who says anything- anything at all- will be in detention for a month." Logan says to the children. "You're all supposed to be in class." 

The rest of the walk to my room is in silence. We head up the stairs.

Logan's heartbeat is steady, but he smells mildly distraught. 

Almost afraid.   
  
I wonder what's going through his head. 

"Can you take the collar off?" I ask as we walk to my door. 

He looks at me. "In a bit." 

We stand quietly, him studying the door. "We uh... might have to take the door." 

Take the.. "Take the door?" 

He nods. "So you can't close it." 

"...why?" 

"So we can watch you." 

If he takes my door and leaves his open, he'll be able to hear everything I do and say at night. 

"You don't sleep well on your own." He tries to explain. "You have really bad nightmares and with your powers..." 

Unstable. 

With my powers. 

Drive them all insane. 

"It's just so the others can get some sleep." he says. "When you've been here a little while, we'll give it back." 

There's an awkward silence....

That is until he opens the door.

“What the fuck?” He curses.

“Hello.” X- from the sound of it -says from the room.

I can’t see inside with Logan blocking the door. “Laura, get out of there.”

“No.” She says firmly. “You asked for my help and I have decided to grant it.”

“Like hell you are.” He whispers hoarsely. “I told you that we’re hiring someone.”

“Why waste the money?” She says, not bothering to whisper. “I am more than capable.”

“Laura- we don’t want this to be personal.” Logan hisses. “SO we hire someone.”

“Insufficient reasoning.”She dismisses.

I have no fucking clue what they’re talking about. And I don’t like it.

“What’s going on?” I demand.

“He’s not supposed to be stressed today.” Logan says pointedly to Laura. “This is going to stress him.”

“No more so than announcing that you want a stranger to do it.” She counters.

“Have a stranger do what?” I demand.

“Laura…” Logan growls.

“Logan.” She says calmly.

I push past Logan and see that Laura has set up some kind of cot at the edge of the bed. “What is this?”

Logan groans. “It’s nothing son. Laura just misunderstood our conversation from earlier.”

“I did not. I heard your side of the argument and made my mind up without your consent. This is my idea and I plan to fulfill it.”

“What idea?” I demand. 

“Logan was going to hire someone to help you out during the days… to keep you company and keep you out of trouble.”

“Logan…” I groan.

He avoids my eye contact.

He already planned it out.

“I have decided to do that for him.” X says, actually smiling. “Because we are family, I can share the same room as you, because I am a regenerator you cannot hurt me, and because I live here there will be no lapse in care.”

"Laura I already have someone." Logan says. "We held interviews- remember? You were there? You agreed on the person?" 

"Daken will eat that man alive." Laura says with a  raised eyebrow. "I can take care of him much better than a stranger would." 

I’m stunned. Don't I get a say in this?  “don’t... you have missions?”

“Taking time off for personal reasons.” She informs. “I live here. And I have found something to do with my time.”

“This isn’t going to work.” Logan growls. “Get this cot out of here.”

“You don’t like the idea because it’s not yours.” She says pointedly. “I think it’s a perfectly good idea.”

“Daken is supposed to be stress-free.” Logan says, voice rising.

“And who in this room is trying to start arguments and raise the tone of the conversation?” She asks almost pleasantly.

Logan looks confused.

“X- “

“You won’t have to pay me.” She says. “And you said you wanted me to find something to do so I wasn’t in bed all day.”

“This isn’t what I meant.” He says in that same sharp tone as before.

X… as a babysitter? How the fuck would that work?

I mean it’s her… or a stranger.

A stranger that I would have to tell all my secrets to… who would work solely for Logan. Who would, to be honest, probably be frightened by Logan. And therefore do everything he said.

X… is not afraid of Logan. Never has been. Never will be. She’s just a proficient as he is and she’s been through one of my lowest, most frightening moments with me.

I feel safe around her- that’s for sure. For a while, she had to see me almost every day.

Back at the house she still made frequent visits.  
“Laura- please. We need and actual nurse to do this. With training.”

“A nurse will not understand his situation,” Laura says quickly. “I was there. I do.”

The two of them are silent.

I walk further into the room and sit on the edge of the bed.

“Let her do it.” I say quietly. “It’s better than a stranger.”

Logan turns to me, “Now Daken-“

“Let her do it. She’s involved. I hate retelling my story. She already knows the details and how to respond.” I watch him process. “Let her do it.”

Logan pinches the bridge of his nose. As if we are giving him a head ache. “Fine. For a trial period, Laura can be your….”

“Nurse?” She questions.

“Assistant.” I growl. “Not nurse. Nurses are for children and old people.”

Which is true. When I was young a nurse could be a lot like a nanny. And I had several of those who tried to kill me. I will not have a ‘nurse’ again.

She nods. “I like that one better.”

“Fine. Laura- assist him.” Logan says. “But you’re going to have to follow the same rules me and his doctor set up for the person we were going to hire.”

“Of course.” She says crisply. “I’ll be nothing but efficient.”

“Three meals a day. He’s to be removed from public space when he’s having an episode, episodes are to be monitored, he’s not to be left alone, he’s to shower daily- in the morning, to wear actual clothing, his medication is to be taken on time every single time, no sharp objects, no pills, he’s to be put to bed at the same time every night…”

“Wait what?” I growl. “I’m not going to do-“

“You are.” Logan says sternly. “Those are the new rules.”

“I don’t accept that.”

Logan stares at me. “It’s not your job to accept it. It’s her job to enforce it.”  
Great. Just great.

And he was going to let a stranger do this?

How the hell did he think that was a good idea?

“I accept my responsibilities.” Laura says before smiling. “And he will be fine.”

Logan nods, looking between us. “Look… both of you- just… take care of each other- alright? Help each other out.”

Reluctantly I nod.

I will help X. I like her. I’ve always kind of liked her.

In the very least I will try to behave.

“Alright.” He puts a hand on my shoulder. “Lunch is soon.” He lets go. “I expect to see you down there.”

Right. Like that will happen.

“He will be.” X says confidently.

‘now this,’ Shifter drawls in my head, ‘this will be fun.’


	21. The Sky

1 year ago

“Beautiful.” He says lowly.

“Johnny- “

“You said you’d let me say it.” He counters, kissing my cheek. “You’re beautiful.”

I feel lightheaded and hot at the same time. “You said it.” I mummer. “Don’t say it again.”

“Amazing?” He tries, wrapping his arms around me tightly.

“Please…”

“Amazing.” He repeats, taking his hand and cupping mine in it, pulling it back to his lips. He pauses for a minute. “Can you go any further?”

“Can we keep the pants on?” I ask apprehensively.

I see Johnny nod in the mirror across from the bed.

“So we can take the shirt off?”

I wait for a second and then nod.

“Awesome.” He chirps, putting his hands under the black cotton and pulling it up slowly.

“Faster.” I grouse. “That feels weird.”

“I’m taking you in.” He counters.

“Take me in faster.” I continue to complain.

Johnny snorts. “That’s what-“

“If you make a ‘that’s what she said joke’ we’re not doing this anymore.” I get a little testy when we do this.

“Okay, baby.” He says in my ear. “Relax.”

“Please- don’t call me baby.”

“Honey- “

“Johnny- “

He exhales slowly. “Love?”

I shake my head again. “Definitely not that one.”

“Akihiro.” He says.

“Just Daken.” I sigh. “That’s it.”

“I can’t call you anything but ‘mongrel’,” Johnny says in a hushed tone. “while I try to tell you how beautiful you are.”

“…Yes.”

“Darling.”

I shake my head again.

“Baby-“

“We’ve already done that one.”

“Shit.” He curses. “What did he do- sit around and make up ways to call you all these things??”

My heart stops.

Yes. He did.

It was part of his deal.

“Can I just have one, Daken? Please. Let me have one. I can’t always call you “Daken”. It’s too formal. Give me one.”

“One?”

“Just one.” He says with a nod.

I have to think about it. Of course he wants to give me a pet name. He really loves using them- I know this. And he slips up and does it every now and then anyway. I mean I don’t always correct him. So what if I give him the green light on one particular one so he knows it’s always safe? That’s a good thing to do. That’s a reasonable thing to do.

There’s no harm in it- right?  
“Not baby, darling, or love, lovey, or lover.” I sigh.

“He liked those- huh?”

I just nod. Johnny’s hands are high up on my waist as he drums his fingers against my skin.

“I like ‘honey’. It sounds cute.” He says thoughtfully. “And you never seem to cringe at that one.”

I can give him that. It’s just a word. A term of endearment. Something that says ‘you are important to me’. I can do that. I’m worth being important to someone- right? I mean that’s what the exercise we’re doing right now is all about.

“Fine.”

He smiles ear to ear. “Wonderful. I get to use it as often as I want.”

“Ah-“

“In front of whoever I want.”

I just stare at the comforter in front of me.

Imagine him calling me a pet name in front of someone else…. Imagine anyone else getting to see that side of me.

“So, honey,” He almost whispers in my ear, “We’ve removed your shirt.”

“So we have.” I keep staring at the comforter.

“Can you look at me?” I turn my head only to see him shaking his. “In the mirror.” He corrects. “Look at us in the mirror.”

I let my eyes slowly drift up from the black comforter. “Happy?”

He shakes his head. “You’re looking to the side.” He points out. “Look into the mirror- okay? Just look for a second.”

“Why are we doing this?” I fuss.

“Your doctor said it would help.” He says gently. “Come on honey, just look at your reflection.”

This is the first mirror I’ve allowed back in the house… and it’s only because the doctor told Logan to insist that it stay.

When they said I had to have one, I thought they’d put it in a bathroom. When he installed it in my bedroom…. We got into a bit of a fight. This is actually the second mirror in the bedroom I suppose. I smashed Logan’s head through the first.

“I’m looking.” I say finally.

Johnny puts a hand on my shoulder- rubbing it gently. “Not so hard.” He says gently. “See? You’re beautiful.”

‘so, so, so beautiful.’ Shifter coos. ‘my beautiful little victim.’

“Johnny please.” I beg.

‘sweet, sweet body…. and blood. and organs.’

“Just another minute.” He soothes. “Look- your face, your body- beautiful. You’re perfect. You're worth- “

‘lips… and mouth... and teeth- i love your mouth. i love it when you scream so i can see all those pretty teeth.’

Where Johnny’s hand is in the reflection, there is now a second hand. A dark, almost shadow-like hand. It runs over his and up my side, leaving behind a trail of slime.

“Stop!” I yelp. “Stop. Let me go! Let me go!” He backs off immediately. I move towards the bathroom, one hand pressed over my ear. “Cover it up.” I say with my other hand over my mouth.

“We can’t cover it up.” He reminds me. “Doctors orders. The mirror stays uncovered.”

“Please,” I beg. “Put a sheet over it.”

‘give me a scream’. It comes out of the fucking mirror.

“Put a sheet over it.” I demand, voice shaking.

“You’re white as a sheet.” He says gently. “Daken, come here.”

“Where’s my shirt?”

“Uh,” Johnny fumbles around on the floor. “Here honey, here it is.” He passes it to me.

“I want a jacket too.” I pull the cloth over my head in one harsh movement.

“Daken- it’s hot in here.” He tries to reason. “You don’t need- “

“I want a jacket.” I repeat, heatedly.

Johnny goes to the closet and pulls out one of his ‘promotional’ hoodies. A blue one with the traditional white ‘4’ on the chest.

“Hoodie.” He gives it to me. “I’ll go turn the air up.”

“Not real,” I repeat under my breath as he leaves. “You’re not real. You’re not real.” I shove my arms into the hoodie and zip it up.

‘real as i want to be.’ It’s coming from the room. He’s in the fucking room.

‘turn around lovey.’

“You’re not real.” I repeat.

‘turn around and see.’

“You can’t be real.”

‘turn around honey.’ He hisses.

“Johnny!” I’m almost screaming.

‘come on now. take it like a big boy. turn around and talk to me.’

“Johnny!!” That, however, was a scream.

“What!?” Johnny comes racing into the room. “What? What’s wrong?”

“He’s on the bed.”

Johnny looks behind me. “Oh, Daken.” He says gently. “Oh... come here.”

“He’s on the fucking bed! Blast him!” I say in an ever-wavering tone.

“Honey- I’m not setting something else on fire.”

“Please… he’s on the bed!”

“Turn around.” Johnny says gently.

“I can’t!” I feel tears starting to form in my eyes.

“Daken-“

“Please blast him,” I beg. “He’s there! I know he’s there.”

Johnny looks at me for a few seconds before nodding. “Tiny fireball.” He bargains.

“Big flame thrower.” I counter.

“Wooden floors,” Johnny says, shaking his head. “Fireball.”

I watch his hand ignite, smelling the flame and seeing the light. He forms a ball of flame, letting it hover in his palm. “We’ve got a backup comforter downstairs.” He says gently before pulling his arm back and throwing the fireball as hard as he can onto the bed.

There are smoke and ash almost immediately.

Johnny extinguishes his hand and gives me a small smile. “The entire bed is on fire.” He informs. “No one is sitting there.” He puts a hand on my shoulder. “Turn around honey.” He says gently. “Turn around and look.”

I finally turn around and face the bed.

The entire thing is on fire… I think the impact may have been bigger than he’d thought.

“See anyone?” He asks gently.

I shake my head.

“Good.” Johnny holds his hand and absorbs the heat and fire back into him, leaving behind ash and charred mattress. “No one on the bed. No one in the mirror….” He turns to me. “And it’s definitely too hot to be wearing that hoodie now.”

I nod.

“So let me take that,” He unzips the fleece and starts to wiggle it off of my shoulder, “Off of you.” He finishes. “And we’ll go downstairs,” He takes my other arm out, “And pull out the fold out mattress in the couch,” he continues, finally removing the jacket and tossing it to the side, “Order some takeout and watch some TV.” He finishes. “How’s that sound?”

I look around the room and my eyes land on the burnt bed. “This is the fifth one.” I mutter.

Johnny shrugs. “We’ll get Reed to make us a comfy flame proof one… I’ve got one back at the Baxter Building.”

I just nod.

“So… movies and take out?” He questions.

I nod.  
“Great.” He smiles. “Come on honey.” He offers me a hand. “Let’s get you out of here.”

Yes. Out. Away from my demons.

Away from my monsters.

My savior to the rescue again.

I have the vainest hope that it will always be like this. That I’ll always have him at my back, keeping me sane and protecting me for all eternity.

Maybe that’s one of my delusions… but it works out well for me. It’s one I think I’ll keep.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

‘Wake up.’

What?

An order from a disembodied voice is never a good thing.

I open my eyes immediately.

‘Honey, wake up.’

I glance around the room... I’ve fallen asleep watching TV. X is dutifully draped in an armchair on the other side of the room, resting. I’m sure if I were to move she’d be awake in a flash.

‘I don’t have a lot of time.’

Time? Who’s… even saying this?

It’s not shifter…. It’s not master... It sounds like… Johnny.

‘I wish there was another way I could do this.’

This is… not good. I can’t have picked up another voice. Not his. Please god, not his. I’ll scoop my brain out myself if I have to hear his voice.

‘I know this is going to be hard on you.’

What is happening?

‘Where are you? Still at the school? Still safe?’

Ah… yes. School, safe- yes.

Should I be answering?

‘You’re not talking out loud… is someone watching you?’

…. Yes.

‘Honey, I need you listen very carefully. You need to get them to come back. Soon. I can’t explain any of this- but they have to believe you. Do everything you can. Please; try.’

He’s not dead…

That message….

But wait- how is he talking to me?

‘I can’t tell you.’ He whispers. ‘And I don’t have long…. The kid- the kids in it bad. They need to come get him before there’s nothing left to get.’

The kid?

‘Warren.’ He whispers. ‘Angel.’

Angel.

Laura’s Angel.

But… they didn’t believe me about the messages.

‘Make them.’

But they won’t.

‘You can do this. They’ve got to believe you.’

How do I know I’m not still sleeping?

…. Silence.

Hello?

More silence.

It was a dream. A hallucination.

There’s no way Johnny could be talking to me….

But I thought that before- didn’t I? When he rescued me from the hole.

I sit up on the couch I’m on, watching in fascination as X springs into alertness and watches me.

“You’re awake.” She notes. “I’m glad. The TV show was very boring and I didn’t want to wake you by changing it.”

“I need to see Logan.” I say instead of conversing on another pointless topic with her. “Now.”

“Alright.” She stands to her feet. “It’s about Four. I think it should be easy enough to find him.”

‘are we going to go bug daddy about a voice in our head now mongrel? like a little baby? maybe you just need to be changed… go find daddy. daddy will take care of his little sniveling infant.’

I hate him. I hate him so much.

We walk out into the hallway. A simple sniff gives me Logan’s scent. He’s nearby.

I follow the scent at a run.

X makes a noise of disapproval and trails behind me.

I find Logan in the hallway by the stairs talking to a group of students.

“Logan!” I interrupt. “I have something-“

He turns around with a frown. “Settle down there.” He orders. “No running in the halls.”

What? Please.

“Whatever.” I dismiss. “Look- it’s about Johnny,”

“I was about to come talk to you about Johnny.” He says thoughtfully.

“I got another message from him!” I say hurriedly. “He says they need help. And that the angel kid is not doing well.”

Laura takes a slightly louder inhale than usual.

“Warren is with him?” She asks lowly.

“No, he’s not,” Logan says gently. “Because they’re dead. Remember?”

“No- they’re not,” I growl. “I want a team to go back. I want to be on it. And I want to go now.”

Logan crosses his arms. “What you’re getting is your evening meds, supper, and bed.”

What? “Logan I got another message,” I say urgently. “We can’t waste any more time on this.”

“And where is it?” He asks.

“Uh…. He sent it…” This is going to be so poorly received.

“Where’s the message Daken?” Logan presses.

‘tell him. oh please tell him.’ Shifter snickers. ‘come on mongrel. grow a pair.’

“He sent it telepathically.” I say, looking down at my shoes. I wish I was dressed better. I fell more confident when I’m nicely dressed. Lately, I’ve been slumming it.

“Oh, he did.” Logan says gently. “I didn’t know Johnny was a telepath.”

“He… can’t explain it.” I try. “But he said it’s important.”

“I’m sure it is.” Logan offers a small smile. “You’re just missing him. Your heads made up another voice- okay? We’ll get you used to this one just like all the others.”

But… “It’s not a hallucination!” I try. “He said that you had to believe me… I have the coordinates!”

Logan stops. “Those numbers you had?”

I nod.

He seems to be in thought. “Daken, they’re the same numbers from the book you were reading on the Kree… you know that right? That’s not new information. You read it in a book.”

A book…

The book. On the Kree. On their government and inner workings and… planet.

I need that book.

And… a ship.

Logan is not going to help me.

I see that. He doesn’t believe me.

Johnny… is counting on me.

He contacted me. He needs me to save him.  
“Logan- “

“Let’s go get your pills.” He says gently. “You’ll feel better once you take them.”

“Logan- maybe this is worth looking into.” X says gently. “This makes two messages.”

Logan turns to her. “Laura, you’re in the same boat as him. The two of you lost people important to you- and I’m not trying to belittle that. But you can’t go to space on the whims of one of Daken’s imaginary friends.”

“It’s not an ‘imaginary friend”!” I yell. “Johnny is trouble!”

“Easy.” He starts.

“Oh no.” I back away from him. “No, no, no. We’re not playing that game.”

“What game?” Logan looks around the hallway, motioning for some children to walk out of the space with his hand.

“The one where you talk down the crazy man.”

“Sometimes the ‘crazy man’,” He makes quotations with his fingers, “Needs to be talked down. Let’s go take your pills.”

“Logan- listen to him,"” Laura says pointedly. “What could it possibly hurt to humor him?”

Logan won’t help me.

He refuses to even hear me out.

“It’s hurting him,” Logan says lowly. “And it’s hurting you.” He looks at her with those gentle eyes. “The two of you need to accept what’s happened. Trust me.” He sounds so sincere. “I know. You have to put this behind you. Accept it so you can move on. This isn’t the first time you’re going to lose someone. It’s best to learn how to deal with it.”

Deal with it?

He’s not even trying to help us!

He sent me away so he wouldn’t have to help me deal with it!

“Logan you’re not listening!” I try to plead. “Please- just send a team and-“

“It’s time for your pills.” He says gently. “Did you have a good nap? How do you know this whole thing wasn’t a dream? See you’re getting upset over nothing.”

He’s not going to help.

“Logan listen to him!” X joins me.

I’m grateful for her help- I am. But both of us on this isn’t going to work him over like she thinks it is.

“X- maybe you need some rest too.” He says thoughtfully. “You can’t watch him if you’re going to buy into his stories.”

“Stories??? I’m not telling stories!!” I growl. “Don’t talk about this like I’m some lying child!”

Logan sighs. “It's time for pills, Daken. Let’s go take your pills. You’ll feel better afterward, you always do.”

I need a plan.

I… have a plan.

It’s the simplest plan I can think of.

I have to do it myself.

Logan will not raise a team.

I will go.

I will fight for him.

And I will bring him home.

I will turn the tables and save him for once. Like all those times he’s saved me.

I’ll save him… and then we’ll be together again.

I’ll go to the ends of the earth for him…. just like he did with me.

‘surely you’re not thinking what i think you are.’ Master sneers.

At this point... it’s best not to think.

I know what I have to do... I just have to do it.

“Come on, Daken.” Logan actually takes a hold of my arm. “Nice and easy.” He starts to move us up the stairs.

“Logan you’re being unreasonable.” Laura says behind us.

“X, I’ve just got him to stop. Don’t start him up again.”

I find myself outside of Logan’s bedroom- he keeps my pills on his dresser. “Come on in.”

My legs are stiff. Logan walks over to the heavy wooden dresser and starts to mess with the pill bottles. “Three.” He shakes them out. “Here.” He passes me a glass of water that’s sitting by a pitcher on his dresser. I take the pills like I’m told, staring at him after I swallow. He looks at me expectantly.

Sighing, I open my mouth and let him see that the pills are actually swallowed.

He nods his approval and I close it.

“Supper is in thirty minutes.” He says. “You and X go find something to do in the meantime.”

I need to lose X…

Yes, she was on my side… but there’s no way she’s going to let me go through with this.

Logan ushers us out of his room.

“Keep him out of there.” He says to her. “I’m afraid he’s gonna try to mess with his pills.”

It’s a very valid fear.

“I will do just that.” She says stiffly.

Logan sighs. “Laura- please. Just try to see things from my perspective- alright? Think about this logically.” He looks between us. “You too, Daken. I know it’s a little harder for you. Just… take it easy- okay? I’m not doing this to be cruel or controlling or anything you probably think I am. I’m just doing what’s best for you.” He pauses. “And that means making some calls you’re not going to like.”

I know.

And doing what’s best for me means I’ve got to make some calls he won’t like either.

I just nod.

Logan looks me over again. “I’ll see you in the cafeteria. I want the two of you to be on time- alright?”

On time.

Right.

“We will be.” Laura says a little more warmly than before.

Logan seems to take the tone change as a good sign and nods. “Okay then.”

When he’s gone, I turn to Laura. “I want to go to my room.” I say a little stiffly. I doubt she’ll notice, though.

“Alright.” She says, leading the way to the room. She sits down on her cot and watches me for a second. “What do you plan on doing?” She says gently.

“What?”

“You’re planning something.” She looks me over. “Logan is being foolish to ignore this. You have to be planning something.”

“I- “

Think on this.

She was on your side.

If she finds out you’re planning something- does she tell him or let it happen.

…or god forbid- help?

“You think you’ve received two messages… one of which involves Warren. What do you plan to do?”

“I…”

“Have you ever flown in space?” She questions. “You’ve obviously considered stealing a craft… it’s the only way to get up there.

“Ah- no.”

She actually smirks. “I have.”

She’s… wait what? What is she saying here?

“What are you trying to say?” I ask cautiously.

X looks down at the floor. “I am desperate, Daken. I cared for Warren very much and I have not received proper ‘closure’. I’m saying that you think you’ve received messages. No one is taking this seriously because of your condition…. But I think it’s worth looking into. I am not ruling out the fact that this might be true just because the information is coming from you.”

“You think we should leave.” I surmise.

She nods. “Immediately.”

“You think the both of us... should go to space.”

She nods again.

“Alone.” Each statement brings another pang of anticipation in me.

“You were planning to go alone anyway.” She finally looks at me. “The only thing stopping you- is you.”

“And Logan.” I gripe.

“Logan thinks you’re safe with me.” She says pointedly. “If I go with you, he’ll have no clue until it’s too late.”

I walk over to my side table and grab the book Logan and I were talking about.

“We need to leave soon.” I muse. “If we’re really doing it.”

“Classes are still in session for twenty minutes.”

“We don’t have uniforms.” I try to think practically. Not that I don’t want to do this... just that space is cold. We have to go get my uniform.

“Logan does.” She smirks. “And I have my own.” She reaches under the cot and pulls out her new white and tan outfit. “I’ve already worn it to space.” She says happily.

“You want me to go to space… as Wolverine.”

Now she’s full on grinning. “Yes. The spandex with stretch for you. It will not be the best fit... but it will fit. Them thinking you are Logan will give you an edge… a simple smoke and mirror move that may buy some time. They’ll be checkpoints to get through. They just don’t let you leave earth- you know. If they did, everyone would be doing it.”

She wants to go to space disguised as X-men.

She…

This could work.

‘of course it can.’ Master sneers. ‘do it. do it so wonderfully that it all falls around your useless little head.’

X stands up from her cot. “We go, we see if they’re there, and we come back.”

I nod.

“And I will be with you.” She says gently. “We will be doing what Logan told us to do.”

She’s got a point.

I just can’t.... believe this is happening.

She walks to the door. “His uniforms are in his room.”

I look down at my hands… “I’m still gloved.”

She walks over to presses the necessary release for the gloves. Logan did the collar earlier today, so that’s a nonissue.

“Guard the door.” She whispers as she walks into the hall.

I follow her and stand by Logan’s door, watching the empty hall while scenting for his fellow x-men.

X comes out of the room with a bag and a smirk.

“He had several in various colors.”

“Wonderful.” I say lowly.

“Yes. I was quite fond of his x-force one… but I thought the original would work best.”

Right. That garish yellow and blue number. Ah, it hurts my eyes.

That being said, you can bet when I was rescued I was looking for it. The moment I saw it, I felt a sense of… safety.

Logan is safe.

Logan will keep me safe.

Logan…

Is going to be so fucking mad when he realizes we are gone.

That brings a smirk to my face.

It’s a force of habit to want to make Logan upset. I try to fight that habit most days… but today just seems too good to pass up.

“Uniforms… book... all we need is a ride.” She smiles. “Follow me.”

We make our way to the hanger surprisingly unchallenged.

For a school with children, it really shouldn’t be this easy to gain access to a jet…. Just saying. Logan seriously needs to reevaluate his security.

X stops on the ramp. “Get in.” She hisses. “Quickly. And hide.” The jet is spacious, housing a variety of comfortable leather chairs in spacious rows. I duck behind the last row and listen.

X is talking to someone who seems to be talking back in gibber-

Doop.

“I left something in the jet. I was going to retrieve it.” She says almost pleasantly.

There’s more gibberish.

“Actually- no. I haven’t seen him. IF you could help me find him before Logan notices that he’s slipped through my grasp- I’d be grateful.”

Doop makes an almost friendly noise.

“Thank you, Doop.”

She waits a few moments before boarding.

“What’d he want?” I ask, standing to my feet.

“He’s looking for you.” She says, looking to be in thought. “He didn’t say why.”  
She closes the ramp by pressing button and motions for me to follow her into the cockpit.

“Input your coordinates.” She orders.

I follow her direction with slightly shaking fingers, having memorized the numbers he gave me by heart.

X starts flipping switches. Turning the engine on, preparing some kind of inter-dimensional stabilizer, and opening the hatch. The hatch reveals the late afternoon sky… it’s almost pretty.

“Logan knows we’re leaving by now.” She warns. “He may have some friends try to follow us.”

I smirk. “Let him try.”

X smiles. “Take the co-pilot seat and buckle in. We’ll be breaching the atmosphere in under ten minutes.”

The jet starts to move and there’s this sense of excitement in the air. It’s been forever since I’ve been on a mission. It’s been forever since I’ve seen Johnny…

And Johnny is alive. I know he’s alive. Alive and in danger. And I will save him.

There’s a small amount of turbulence has we get airborne. Nothing major, just a few shakes and shudders.

“Hmm… we’ll need to leave the atmosphere sooner.” She says quietly.

I try to look out the windshield to see if there’s any particular reason, but all I see are clouds.

“Why?”

“We’ve alerted the air force.” She says thoughtfully. “I’m not wearing the headset, but I’m sure they’re trying to flag us down.”

“Ah.” I’ve lost many of person piloting a jet before. “If you want me to lose them…”

“Not necessary. We’ll just get into space a little rockier than originally planned.” She takes the steering wheel and jerks it until we’re going vertical in the air. UP into nothing. UP into space.

The air is a little hard to breathe.

She pushes a button on the dash and that particular problem fixes itself.

“You forgot to turn on the oxygen- didn’t you?” I ask loudly over the popping in my ears.

She just nods. “Momentarily.”

“Any other things we should do that you may have forgotten?”

X shakes her head. “Hold on!”

We speed up- feeling like the worst roller coaster you could imagine. There’s a flash of light, brighter than anything I’ve ever seen... .and then there’s darkness.

‘you didn’t survive.’ Shifter whispers.

“Open your eyes, Daken.” X says gently. “Look.”

I hesitantly crack one eye open, looking out the window. Earth floats below us. All of it…

And in this moment I feel so unbelievably small.

“Wow.”

She nods. “It’s beautiful isn’t it?”

I just nod.

She smiles. “You can unstrap now. Go change into your uniform. We’ve got to go through some kind of checkpoint before we’re completely spaceborne.”

“Checkpoint?”

That doesn’t feel right. That feels like an obstacle.

X raises an eyebrow. “It’s why I got Logan’s original costume. They see that and they won’t question us…” She looks me over. “You might have to slouch. You’re a little taller than he is.”

A wise woman I once knew described me as a ‘panther’ compared to my father (an attack dog).

Agent Kiel and I were almost an item… but I was so confused after my sudden departure from Romulus… that was the same year that I started to be involved with Johnny.

I remember stealing a kiss from him on one of my visits to the tower. Ben was in the other room. Johnny blushed and it was the kind of blush that reaches all the way to the ears. I pecked his lips, but he parted them- deepening the kiss. It was far more obscene that I’d originally planned.

I unstrap myself and walk to the back of the ship. There’s a small bathroom that looks like it would be uncomfortable to change in, so I settle for aligning myself out of X’s line of sight and changing in the open.

Logan’s costume is clean- thank god, but still has his lingering scent on it. X even thought to grab a pair of his boots... which will be uncomfortable to squeeze into… but really it’s a ‘beggars can’t be choosers’ kind of situation at this point.

I join her back at the controls, mask off so I can see better.

“Space station is in a few hours.” She says. “You can get some sleep if you’d like.”

“I’m not tired.”

She just nods. “It’s on autopilot. So... I’m going to go rest. It goes without saying that you’re not to touch the controls. “

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“You wouldn’t… but some of your ‘friends’ might tell you to.” She looks at me cautiously.

“I’ll be fine,” I assure. “As long as I take the pills-” I stop. “X… did we grab the pills?”

Laura looks like a deer in the headlights. It’s a look you rarely get to see on her. “No.” She says finally. “No, we did not.”

No.

No pills.

Alright, alright. Think logically. It’s just a few days- right? Just a few measly days. What’s the worse that could happen?

“I’m sure I’ll be fine.” I say instead of voicing this internal feeling of dread.

“I’ll keep a close eye on you.” She promises. “We’ll only be gone for a few days. I promise you that it won’t be that bad.”

Right… right.

Not ‘that’ bad. So it’s going to be ‘bad’ then.

I think back to the days when I was unmedicated and shudder.

This could go horribly.

But for Johnny… I have to push forward for Johnny.

“We’re moving at speeds that are technically illegal,” Laura informs. “So get me if you see a passing ship…. I plan to get us to Hala.”

“Doesn’t their empire spread over dozens of planets?”

X nods. “But they’re on Hala. That’s the coordinates Johnny gave you… similar ones that were used for the mission. I’d wager that they’re still in the same quadrant as we left in them.” She puts a hand on my shoulder.“Watch out for other ships.” She reminds. “I’m going to go lay down.”

I nod.  
I’m in space. In space. An hour ago I was on earth under Logan’s thumb… now I’m millions of trillions of miles away… in space. Doing what needs to be done.

It feels good.

It feels productive.

‘but what about the pills… you know- the things that keep you sane?’

I’ll... push through it.

‘right.’ Shifter drawls. ‘then i guess i’ll be seeing you tonight.’

Part of me wants to object… but I guess he will.

Hopefully, we’ll have made through the checkpoint by then.

Hopefully.

‘we’ll see how that pans out, now won’t we mongrel?’ Shifter hisses.

I guess we will.


	22. Sinkin'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I cannot begin to explain why this story went from updating everyday to going quiet for about a little over a month. Shit happened in a major way.  
> However- I happy to report that we are back on schedule (mostly) and I hope y'all enjoy!

2 years ago ( 3 weeks into Johnny’s care)

 

It’s been more than 72 hours since they brought me here. No sleep, no darkness. The blankets are wet from my sweat- it’s sticking to me. The cloth is being absorbed into my skin…

Please…

Stop…

Stop…

I feel so sick. My stomach jolts every time they reinsert the needle.

The room is white and tan. Over the stench of my sweat and fear, it smells like hospital and soap. A combination that I’ve come to despise.

The room is also small and circular- like the inside of a fish bowl. On one side of the wall there are windows for observation. I’m purposefully turned away from those windows so I cannot watch the observers. 

Oh what they must be writing for their little journals.

I wonder how they’re painting me….

Psychotic? Weepy? Pathetic?

All of the above?

Oh… it’s so hot. I feel so sweat slick under these flimsy blankets.

The last set of nurses didn’t listen when I told them about the fever. They acknowledged it was there days ago- but didn’t give me anything to stop it.

They said this was to break me of a psychotic episode. I tried to tell them that the episode would break much faster if we weren’t doing this.

As is- I’m not sure it’s broken.

I just know that I’m sick, scared, and tired.

At this point, I will tell them whatever they want to hear to get myself out of here.

The medical team is so painfully optimistic. So cheerful when they bustle in here. They’ve been like that since the beginning.

It was more annoying when I was screaming.

I screamed and screamed and they just calmly went about their business. Joking with each other… laughing.

I wish I could laugh.

I wish I could act normal and be out of this situation.

But they haven’t given me anything to help me act normal. No TV. No comforts. I don’t even have a window. All I have is a wall. A plain white wall.

They didn’t ask what I wanted when they drug me here.

I’m here because I attacked a man…. Not on purpose. He had a camera… he was taking pictures…

Shifter took pictures. So many pictures.

They have them.

Oh god, they have them.

The way they’ve got me restrained all I can see is a blank wall.

All I can think about are the pictures.

The door clicks open, letting in my fourth nurse of the day.

A brief interlude into these upsetting thoughts that landed me here in the first place.

“And how are we feeling?” The light skinned man with the shaved head- he’s been here before. He wears blue. Scrubs- I think they’re scrubs… all the nurses wear them.

I have to clear my throat. “I don’t… like this medication.” It scares me. I feel so terribly sick on it.

He nods, walking over to me and checking the IV port. “Yes, we’ve already talked about that.”

“I don’t feel well.” I try again.

His fingers push on the needle- it’s still sore. The reinsertions for the IV are every hour. So every hour for the past … let’s say at least 72 hours puts it at 72 consecutive IVs. “We’ve noted your side effects.” He says quietly, still prodding at my arm.

“Please-“

“Oh no, no.” He shushes. “We don’t do that with me- remember? None of that.” His fingers move to my pulse. “Breaks my heart to hear you beg.” He says quietly.

“Can I please go to sleep?” I try again.

“Of course.” The man says gently. “Of course you can. Feel free at any time to go to sleep. That’s what we’ve been telling you. You just have to keep the light on. That’s it.” He pauses and then exhales a hiss through his teeth. “Actually at the moment it’s better if you don’t sleep. I’m sorry- I hadn’t really thought about what I was here to do.”

They haven’t outright told me not to sleep before. This is more alarming than them just refusing to turn off the lights... “How long do I have to stay here?” I can’t ‘beg’ with him. I might as well just ask. I’m sure I’ve asked several other people- but no one answers. I track the hours by the IV insertions and the time of day by the staff changes. No one has told me how long I’ve been here.

He smiles, moving his hand from my face, turning it towards him while bringing a flashlight out of his pocket. “It’s almost over.” He says cheerfully, shining a light in my eyes. “Your ride is pulling up as we speak.” He turns the flashlight off and smiles. “That fever isn’t coming down yet- is it?” He muses. “We’ll have to tell your caretaker to give you a bit of aspirin.”

“My... ride?”

Logan’s come to get me. Finally, I know he was here…. I heard him here. But he didn’t come in.

Why didn’t he come in?

“Uh huh.” He nods. “He’s got everything set up for you at home. You’ll be able to go home and take a nice long nap. You’ll feel better in a few hours.”

I…

It doesn’t matter.

Logan’s come to take me home.  
I’m going home.  
There is a room outside of this one. A room with mine and Johnny’s things in it- with my smells and belongings... and Johnny’s heat…

A home.

My home.

Away from here.

I lean back into the pillows, fighting another wave of nausea.

“Any chance you’ve used the bedpan?” He questions, starting to pull up the blankets.

“No,” I say quickly. “Please Stop.”

He nods. “Can I-“

“No,” I interject, straining against the restraints.

“I’m not going to peek.” He tries to defend. “I just need to move the bed pan.”

“Please-“

He sighs. “Don’t beg, Mr. Akihiro. I’m not here to hurt you.”

‘Mr. Akihiro’.

They’re trying to keep in good graces with my father. I’ve been treated with the utmost respect since coming here.

All for a few seconds of panic. I didn’t mean to hurt that man. I didn’t.

He was interviewing me… and god damn. So many people remind me of that … monster. That beast. The fucker who did this to me.

I believe that people are either A) Shifter or B) working for Master. There was no person Romulus couldn’t reach. There’s no telling who was working for him.

“Leave me be!” I can move my feet a fraction more easily than I can my hands. I try to buck enough to make him move his hand.

“I won’t look.” He promises. “I just need-“

“Don’t!”

“Mr. - “

The door clicks open again. In the soundproof room, it’s the only noise from the outside. As soon as that door is cracked I can hear life on the other side. They don’t know how much I’ve depended on listening for it in the brief sliver of time it takes for them to close the door behind them “What’s going on?”

His voice… my heart skips a beat.

Not Logan. Logan hasn’t come to get me.

This is better.

“Ah. Mr. Storm.” My nurse says slightly less cheerfully than before. “I thought you were outside.”

Johnny looks past him to me. “I figured we’d need help getting him to the car.” He says in a pleasant enough manner. It’s his body language that’s off here. His right hand is flexing. If you watch Johnny when he’s manipulating his powers- if it’s not him igniting his entire body- the flames come from his right hand.

“Johnny.” I exhale.

Johnny walks over to the bed. “Hey,” He smiles brightly but there’s some tension in him. “Hey, Daken. You… look,” He stops, visibly thinking it over. “Hot.” He pushes some sweat-soaked hair from my forehead. “You’re drenched.”

“He has a shower in his bathroom.” The nurse says in a ‘helpful’ tone. “I’ll just take the bed pan and we can let him up.”

“Johnny please,” I don’t know what to say.

Johnny looks me over. “You don’t want him to move the bed pan?”

I shake my head.

“There’s no need to be embarrassed honey. You’ve been in that bed for a few days. If you had to go- “

“It’s empty.” I interrupt. “I just can’t let him take it.”

“Mr. Akihiro I assure you it will be over quickly. If there’s anything you don’t want me to see, I won’t see it.”

I just shake my head.

Johnny looks at me carefully. “Is he…” he stops, clearing his throat. “Is he wearing anything under the blankets?”

Awkward.

This part is always awkward.

It will always be awkward. I’ll never be comfortable naked again. Ever.

Johnny zones in on my unease.

“A gown-”

I shake my head.

“Oh.” The man looks at me with a raised eyebrow. “Did they take the gown off?”

“I got sick.” I explain to the wall because looking at the two of them in my moment of weakness is not something I’m capable of.

“Ah. I’m sure they meant to redress him.” He says to Johnny. “We had three more patients come in in the last two hours….”

I turn my head back to them.

The nurse’s heartbeat just sped up.

“How long ago did you get sick Daken?” Johnny asks, crossing his arms over his chest. Aggressive. Johnny’s getting angry.

“Three hours.”

The man’s eyes are wide when I look at him. “Mr. Storm- ah there aren’t any clocks in here. He couldn’t possibly know how long it’s actually been. Like I said, we got very busy. I’m a hundred percent sure that they meant to come back and dress him.”

Johnny turns on him quickly. “You restrained him to a bed with no clothing?”

The man pales. “Well not me personally, no. “ He takes a step back.

“You restrained a sexual assault victim to a bed -naked.” He says heatedly.

“A gross oversight-“

“Who is in charge here?” Johnny demands.

“Mr. Storm-“

“Who is in charge here!?” Johnny demands, lips drawn into a thin line.

“Dr. Holmes.” The man says quickly. “I can go get –“

“Go get him.” Johnny agrees. He strokes my head as the man leaves. “It’s okay.” He says gently. I look away from him. “Daken,” He snaps his fingers near my face. “It’s okay. It’s okay to be afraid. This is a shitty situation. They shouldn’t have put you in it.”

“It’s not that.” I continue to look at the wall.

“It’s not?”

Johnny’s dressed for summer... Even though it was snowing when they brought me here. A tee shirt that I’m sure he just threw on without much thought hangs almost magazine style perfect on him. He’s attractive even when he’s distracted.

I wish I could say that. I probably look like shit.

I have no clue what happened to all of my nice clothes… I’ve been so out of it that I know I’ve bound to have fallen out of fashion at this point.

Johnny offers to take me shopping… but it’s too overwhelming. If people recognize him then they put two and two together and they recognize me. And then the pity starts…. And I can’t stand it.

“I’m…” I don’t know how to put it.

“Embarrassed?” He questions knowingly.  ''Daken, you don’t have to be embarrassed. It’s okay to feel uncomfortable- okay? Don’t be ashamed because you’re scared.”

“I’m sweaty.” I say instead of answering him.

“Yea?” Johnny walks to the bathroom and opens the door. “Shitty shower.” He comments. “Probably shitty water pressure and heat.”

“I want to use a tub.” I roll my head in his direction as much as I can.

“Yea?” He walks back over to me. “I could set you up in your tub at the house if you’d like. You think you can hold off on showering until you get home?”

I nod- just barely.

“You’re stiff.” Johnny leans down and kisses my forehead. “Hang in there honey. I’m getting you out of here.”

I close my eyes. “Promise?” It’s barely a whisper.

“Promise.” He responds. “We’re going home.”

Home.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Present

 

Home.

I want-

“Daken.” X gently shakes my shoulders, waking me. “Please-” she sniffs. “I’m sorry- but you must control your powers.”

“My-” I blink sleep out of my eyes.

X has tears on her face. She points to her wet cheek. “Your powers.” She says with a nod.

Ah.

Home makes me sad.

“Sorry.”

X nods, standing back to her feet and walking back to the steering wheel. “You slept through the space station.”

I… slept through it?

“How long have I been asleep?”

She smiles. “Two days.”

“Two days??”

“Space can have that effect on people. Think of it as extreme jet lag.”

So I’ve had space jet lag for two days. What a wonderful astronaut I make.

She jerks her thumb over her shoulder, “I bought us supplies.” I follow her gesture to see several wooden boxes piled in the back. She sniffles a few more times.

“They take earth currency?” That’s a lot of supplies. It must have cost-

“No.” She looks out the windshield. “I won it off some aliens gambling.”

She... “You gamble with aliens now?”

Laura turns around and flashes me a smile, wiping the tears of her face. “Logan taught me.”

Ah. Well…. Great. Great for her.

I don’t respond.

“He cheats. He taught me how to as well.”

“Wonderful.” I grouse.

“The trick is to look intoxicated.”

I don’t care.

I look around the dark space we’re confined in. Of all the times she could pick to swoon over our creator- she picks now. The one time I can’t get away from her.

“He could teach you-“

“I don’t care Laura!” I snap, looking back to the boxes.

“You’re angry.” She says after a few seconds.

“I’m fine.” I hiss.  
I shouldn’t have yelled. I should have been calmer…

It’s the pills. I’m already missing them.

She hums a little. “No – you got angry when I said Logan had taught me something.”

“It’s nothing.” I exhale. “I’m sorry. I’m a little on edge.”

Laura snorts. “Oh really?”

That takes me back. “What?”

She looks over her shoulder with a raised eyebrow. “Nothing.”

“No- what?”

Laura chuckles. “You’re just… not good at hiding things like that anymore.”

I’m... not?

“You would never be able to gamble with aliens.”

“Argh!” I growl. “I don’t want to gamble with fucking aliens anyway! So fine! That’s great! You and Logan can go to space and gamble with all the little space pirates and giant bugs and big blue people- “

“So this is a thing related to Logan.” She assesses.

What? What? “What? How did you get that from what I said? Are you even listening?” She’s worse than one of the damn doctors.

“Have you tried to spend time with him?” She presses.

That’s it.

“I’m walking away from you now.” I growl, standing up.

“Wherever you go I know you’ll still be able to hear me.” She says cheerfully. “So I’ll just keep talking to you.”

My teeth are clenched so hard that it hurts. “Laura- why are you doing this?”

“I’m not doing anything!” She actually laughs. She laughs! Of all the things she could do- she laughs. “I’m asking you a simple question and you’re overreacting.

“That was not a ‘simple question’.” I snarl, turning around and walking down the aisle to the back of the jet.

“You and he have a lot to work out.” She says from the front.

“We can start with him not selling my fucking house.” I growl.

“No one’s bought it yet.” Laura says a lot more gently than before. “We’ll get Johnny and Warren, come back, and you’ll have a place to go back to.”

It’s…. “It’s not that simple.”

“How so?”

The floor back here is filthy. Sticky almost.

I’d bet money an x-brat has spilled something and not cleaned it up. Filthy.

“It’s…” I have to exhale slowly. “It’s nothing. You’re right. I’m over reacting.”

I am. I feel like I’m attached to a live wire. Everything is so…. much.

She’s gone quiet. For her, I’m sure it’s a peaceful silence. For me- I think it’s tense. I think everything is tense. I can hear the blood pumping through my own veins.

I’m too proud to go back up to the front so I sit on one of the wooden crates.

Time passes by slowly.

“Daken?”

I hate to admit that I jumped when she called my name.

“...Yes?”

“Would you like to see?”

I stand to my feet. “See what?” I’m already walking in that direction.

“The planet.” She points out the window to the large mass we’re approaching.

“Are we here already?”

Laura nods, smiling a little. “I told you I could get us here faster.”

“…..”

She grabs my hand and pulls me into the co-pilot's seat. “We’re landing.” She clarifies when she sees my face.

Landing is… interesting.

There’s a lot of turbulence and looking out any of the windows gives me extreme motion sickness.

Touching down is unreal.

Too… strange.

A million things hit me at once.

The one of utmost importance being- “Laura- can we breathe here?”

She raises an eyebrow. “One way to find out.” With that, she lowers the ramp and walks out into the sun.

“It’s hot.” She says from outside. “And we’re in a swamp.”

Following her out- I realize she’s telling the truth.

We’re in an alien-like swamp. No trees to be seen and tons of high grass and weeds.

Weeds, grass… and water. Water everywhere.

The sky is a dull gray as if it was getting ready to rain.

Ha. “alien-like”. It’s not "alien-like" – it’s alien. This is an alien planet.

I still can’t wrap my head around it.

“These are the coordinates?” I question.

She nods. “I don’t believe you put them in right...”

 

"I know the coordinates were different- but this seems a little too different. We're very far from where I was."

Ah…. but… why would Johnny send me here?

“I don’t understand- this is exactly where he sent me.”

There’s nothing here. At all.

We’re surrounded by swamp. In the distance, there’s some kind of birds calling… if you could call it that. It sounds strangely predatory.

“This was the site of the original capital.” She says gently. “Something you would have read in…”

“No. No.” I say quickly.  

 I did not just read this and make it up. I got messages. I got confirmation- I heard Johnny… in my head.

“Daken…. I’m starting to think that maybe-“

“Don’t say it.” I snap. “We just got here. I’m sure he sent me here for a reason.”

Laura sighs. “Daken… I’m sorry but there isn’t anything here.”

“You’re…. what? We JUST got here.”

“I thought-” She stops and looks down. “I thought this could lead to something.”

“Why are you talking like that?”

God, it’s hot here. Scorching even.

“This is a ruin.” She points to some sort of dilapidated building in the distance. “From your book. Johnny didn’t send you those coordinates…. You made them up.”

What? WHAT?

“We JUST got here.” I growl. “You don’t even know what’s here yet! He sent us here for a reason.” I walk away from her finding my exit strategy flawed almost immediately.

Case and point- we’re on an island. About ten feet wider the jet and fourteen feet longer.

“Where are you going?” Laura asks.

I step into the water, shivering right away. It feels like slime. Almost solid.

“Johnny wanted me to find something here.” I restate. “I’m going to find it.”

Laura crosses her arms. “Daken-“

“You can stay with the jet.” I say passively. “In fact, I encourage you to. Stay here in case anyone tries to come after me.”

Laura sighs into her hands and watches me wade out further. “You’re in the middle of a swamp with no land on either side of you.” She calls. “Where do you think you’re going?”

No land? That can’t be. The swamp isn’t too terribly deep. At worst it should come up to my chin. Not bad at all.

I wade deeper.

Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Everything’s fine.

What do I smell? Think on that.

Look for clues.

So… smells.

This is… odd. None of these smells are things I’ve smelled before. Even the water is different.

“You’re leaving without supplies!” She calls. When I don’t answer she huffs, “Even if you do make to land- you’ll starve!”

I'm good with no food. She should know that. 

“Daken!” She calls. “Don’t go any further!”

Don’t go any further my ass.

“How do you even know you’re going the right way??”

“I’m following my gut!” I call back.

My gut has lead into a particularly deep hole that’s got me treading water.

The only problem with this is that the water is almost solid. It’s hard to swim in.

My head dips under, sending the solid mass into my mouth.

When I resurface, it’s almost impossible to spit out.

I slip under again trying to move backwards.

The surface gets further away.

“Daken!” it’s a scream.

I slip under again.

And it's almost poetic justice. Dying on the planet he died on.

But please- not by drowning. It’s my worst fear.

My lungs burn.

I can’t help but scream.  
I fight to the surface…

Oh fuck.… please. Not like this. Not like this. Not again. 

My vision is getting spotted.

“Gotcha!” Is growled near my ear. I’m yanked backwards and dragged to the surface.

I sputter and cough, chest aching from the foreign liquid.

“Out of all the reckless things you could have done.”

X.

Berating me.

“I’m shorter than you are- you know.” She admonishes. “I could have drowned trying to save you and then where would we be?”

Sputter… cough.

“Here.” She pushes me down to the ground by the jet. “That water was disgusting. I wouldn’t be surprised if you became ill.” She plops down beside me.

I have the urge to curl into a ball on my side. I feel so… awful.

 There’s a tremor that I know isn’t from the cold.

“Alright now.” Laura says gently. “You didn’t drown. You’re fine.”

I spit more of the ‘water’ onto the sand.

“You’re safe.” She repeats. “And hopefully you’ve realized that there’s nothing out here but swamp.”

Have I?

I’m where he sent me.

I’m exactly where he sent me.

But… he’s not here.

No one is here.

Could it have been a hallucination? The whole thing? Did my mind make it up?

X sniffs beside me.

“I’m sorry you’re sad.” She says quietly. “Please control your powers.”

I roll onto my side, resting my head on my arm.

“We should head back.” She says gently. “Logan will be very angry with us.”

What Laura means to say is ‘Logan will be very angry with me’.

“Thank you, Laura.”

She jerkily pats my shoulder. “It’s what sister’s do.”

That draws a laugh from me.

Sisters steal jets and travel to other planets. Right.

I…

Wait.

I didn’t correct her. She’s not my sister… not… I mean…

We share blood.

But… she’s not?

“Logan was my guardian.” She says gently. “Even if you’re unsure of the genetics of the situation, I am technically your sister.” She sighs. “Please control your powers.”

Right….

“Sorry.” I mumble. She’s getting a show. I concentrate harder on keeping my emotions to myself. She’s had to tell me three times today. I have no clue why it’s getting so bad.

“He’ll come looking for us.”

Read as ‘He’ll come looking for you’.

“We should head back.”

Back?  
No.  
Even if there’s nothing out here- I’m not going.  
I’ll stay here- to be close to him. If he is dead and this is all some crazy scheme my brain has cooked up for me- all of it. The message. The telepathic message. All things that no one else has been able to hear or see….If it’s all fake and he is dead…. then I will at least have the honor of dying on the same planet as him.

Like a Shakespeare tragedy. I came all this way to save him only to die myself.

Laura will leave… and I’ll just wade out into the water. It will be painful… but less so than dying of starvation. I’ll convince her that I’m going to find him... and hell I may even still try… but that’s not end game anymore.

I will play the star-crossed lover.

I will be the Ophelia of this one. More so in the ways of losing my love, losing my mind, and (ironically tying this plan into it) drowning. Hamlet was never my favorite play… to be honest I’m not fond of it at all.

But when it comes to grieving- something I have very little experience with- I find that I am just not capable of it.

I will not leave with Laura. I will hold my head up and end this. Away from prying eyes.

I sigh. “I’m not going back.”

X is quiet for a moment. “You’re not?”

I shake my head. “I’m staying. He wanted me to find something. I’m going to find it.”

“Daken, “She grabs my shoulder lightly and turns me onto my back, “You almost died…. not five minutes ago.”

“I know.” Try not to sound disappointed. My time will come.

“You expect me to leave you here?”

I nod. “My place is with him.”

“Your place is on earth.” She corrects. “With Logan and I.”

“There’s nothing for me if he’s not there.” I argue.

X sighs. “Daken…. I’m sorry. This was a bad idea. I will take you home, we will suffer the consequences of Logan’s rage, and we will move on with our lives.”

“I’m not going with you.” I repeat, staring at the sky. It’s clouded over now. The clouds get darker by the second.

She follows my eyes. “It’s going to storm.” She notes. “We need to get in the jet.”

“So you can take me home?” I snort. “I don’t think so.”

“Daken- please. Look at the sky. You need to take shelter.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“The swamp will flood.” She growls. “Get in the jet.”

“I’ll be fine.” I repeat. A flood would be perfect. She’ll have to take shelter… and I’ll be left to my own devices.

“Daken,” She says lowly. “Get in the jet or I will make you.”

I stand to my feet shakily. “I’m not going with you.” I repeat. “You can’t force me.”

X stands to her feet as well. “Are you going to fight me?” She questions.

I nod. “If I have to.”

“And where will you go if you win?”

I swallow a lump in my throat. “I’m not telling you.”

X rolls her eyes. “I need to know where I can find your lifeless body if you stupidly go off and drown yourself again.”

“I won’t drown this time.” I growl.

X extends the claws of her right hand.

I do the same with both hands.

“In the jet Daken.” She says authoritatively. “If we make good time, you’ll only have missed five days of medication.”

I shake my head, keeping my eyes locked on her. “I can’t go with you, Laura. I can’t.”

“I’m sorry. You have no other options. Please board the jet. Seeing as you’ve drawn your claws, I’ll have to restrain you in some fashion for the ride home.”

“I’m staying here.” I repeat.

She extends her second set of claws and walks forward.

I easily slide into a fighting position, eyes still locked with hers.

Her first lunge is not unexpected. I block as best I can, and send her backwards into the dirt.

She easily catches herself and spins around on her heel, going for a high kick.

I watch for her third set of claws but they don’t come. She could have easily got my chest and face with that move.

I grab her extended leg and push her backwards, using the momentum, I lunge and pin her to the ground, claws drawn at her throat. “Let me go.” I order.

Raindrops start to fall.

“It will flood.” She says from the ground.

“I don’t care.”

“You’ll drown.”

Her eyes show nothing but determination.

“I don’t want you hurt Daken.” She says lowly. “Obviously- I didn’t go in for the kill.”

“Laura- please. Try to understand.” I keep my claws at her throat and shift my body to where my right knee is pinning her to the ground. “I need to find him.”

“YOU need to understand,” She says lowly before suddenly bucking her body upwards, sending me to the dirt in the process. “I cannot leave you here to die.”

‘it’s what you want- isn’t it?’ Shifter hisses.

‘more than anything i’d wager.’ Master adds in. ‘suicide is such a grand gesture.’

‘what a dramatic little mongrel you are.’ Shifter continues. ‘let’s go back to the water puppy. take a nice long bath…. we can go see johnny boy. wouldn’t you like that?’

I would…. More than anything.

“Please.” I say quietly. “I need to be with him.”

“He didn’t die here- Daken.”

The rain picks up with a ferocity I wasn’t expecting. Over the water, you can see things start to move. Creatures surfacing.  
Something that looks like a crocodile slides near the bank of our island.

X notes me looking at it. “They’re all over the swamp.” She says. “Their bite is poisonous.”

I watch it swim out to about where I was, and dive further under. A few seconds later one shows up a small distance off from the first.

“You’re lucky you weren’t bitten.” She informs. “Going through this swamp on your own is certain death.”

That’s…

“Which I’m starting to think is your point here.”

I watch her stand in the rain, water drenching her long hair, making it tangle. “I did not bring you here to die Daken.” She says lowly. “I did not risk Logan’s wrath just to have you commit suicide on some foolish mission.”

X… please.

“Laura-“

“Maybe it is time for both of us to face the facts…. You are ill. I put too much faith in you.”

“No- Laura-“

“You should be home. Under supervision-“

“Please- let me-“

“You obviously need to be on some sort of suicide watch.”

No, I don’t.

“I don’t-“

“You waded out into the water with no clear destination. You ask to stay here on your own- admit it. You want to die.”

“Laura-“

It’s true. It’s so, so, so true.

“You’re missing your medication.” She says lowly. “This was a flawed idea from the start.”

Why am I not moving?

She looks at me softer. “Control your powers.” She restates from before. “I can feel how you are feeling. I understand that you are upset.” She bends down to me, offering a hand. “Come back to the jet.”

I was drenched before- but now it’s even colder.

When she leans in further, I draw back and punch her in the face.

Not as hard as I could have- but hard enough to knock her off balance.

She stumbles backwards and I roll onto my side, getting up and heading for the water in the opposite direction of where the beasts were.

“Daken!” She howls.

I’m splashing through the water by the time she’s up.

The thickness slows me down, though. I hear her wading in after me far faster than I would like.

“Stay back!” I call behind me.

Next to me the water is rippling. I’ve disturbed on of the water creatures and I couldn’t care as to what it’s reaction will be.

I’m chest-deep and I can’t seem to move any faster.  
The rain continues to pelt down, making it hard to see.

Sudden pressure comes about my midsection as Laura grabs me from behind. “COME BACK HERE.” She snarls.

“NO!”

One of her hands ends up near my mouth, I think she was trying to get some kind of hold on my upper torso and missed. I bite the hand as hard as I can.

She howls in pain but holds tighter.

To my dismay, we’re moving backwards. Back towards the jet.

Over the rain, there’s a new noise. One that’s hard to place. It sounds like… a motor.

X freezes suddenly. I try to take the opportunity to wrench myself from her grasp, but her hands are like steel.

“Be quiet.” She orders.

“Fuck you!” I snarl.

The hand near my mouth flattens itself over my face, muffling my voice.

In the distance there’s shouting.

X sinks down into the water and starts to move us to a more obstructed view.

The motor comes closer.

There are people in the swamp.

Correction- there are aliens in the swamp.

“Look at this!” Someone shouts.

There’s a loud laugh. “Looks like we have some visitors!”

“Something the boss would like?”

The motor is as close as it can be without us directly seeing the boat.

“Pull your mask up.” X orders. “Now.”  
She lets me go and I hesitantly do as she says.

The mask is up just in time for a motor boat to come into view. On it are two men. One with blue skin and one with white. Both are bald and rather large. The white one in an obese way and the blue in a more athletic, muscular one.

The boat they're in is made of some kind of black metal. Though it makes a noise like it should have a motor on the back (Like the ones you would see in some bayous back on earth) there is no visible motor. It seems to be built into the boat itself.

They have an unnerving air around them… and I wish I’d listened to X and gotten in the jet.

“Look here.” The blue one says lowly. “Costumes.”

“We come in peace.” X says over the rain.

The blue man chuckles. “I bet you do.”

“We’ve crashed here.” She continues, backing up closer to the shore.

“Odd place to crash. Where are you from?”

“Earth.” I try to help but X hisses.

“Earth?” The man with the lighter skin smiles, showing far too many teeth. “Earth?”

“In costumes.” The blue man says.

“And would you look at that ship.”

The two men smile.

“We have ourselves a pair of superheroes. Right here in our humble little swamp.”

X glares at me.

“The Boss would most definitely be interested in that.”

Before we can get a word in edgewise, the blue man pulls a rifle like weapon and shuts two darts into our necks.

X slumps into the water first, and I follow.

I have the smallest hope that they don’t retrieve our bodies fast enough and we drown… but I know I’m not that lucky.


	23. Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKay so there's about to be a spam of chapters due to unforeseen circumstances I have a lottt of will power and time to write. So hopefully this will be finished up very shortly. 
> 
> The next few chapters are a little rough so I'll be tagging the individual chapters up here in the notes so as not to upset anyone. 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! I hope y'all enjoy.

Apparently, something I didn’t know about space is that you never tell aliens you’re from earth.

I guess humans are seen as the weaker species by pretty much everyone.

It’s good to know now that we’ve been taken captive by aliens. Really feels like something Laura should have told me before we got here. I mean she honestly couldn’t have expected that we wouldn’t run into anyone. When we got here she thought we were going to where she had gone. Furthermore, she’s been here before. She knows the planet better than me.

She tries to look uninterested in our surroundings but her heart beat gives away some of her unease.

She’s worried.

With her knowing more about this planet than I- I think I should be worried too.

I should… but I’ve got more pressing things on my mind.

Case and point- the missing medication.

Withdrawals haven’t been that bad. The fact that the pills are all supped up to match my healing factor considered- they could be much worse.

A headache and a little nausea is a very easy price to pay.

It’s the symptoms. My symptoms are getting worse.

There are shadows were no one is standing. Whispers when no one is talking. Master and Shifter are buzzing around my head like insects while my other auditory pals sit back and comment.

My head is fit to burst.

X notices when I’m seeing something- I’m sure of it. Her eyes linger on me a little too long.

I have to hold it together. Who knows what will happen if I ‘lose it’ with these potential (and very likely) enemies?

The only thing that holds my interest about this swamp ride (because we woke up chained up on the boat- very much still moving) is that there are now buildings. We’re in some sort of canal and streets and buildings line the way.

The buildings themselves are shabby. Not what you’d expect from an alien civilization. It's not that that’s interesting, though- no. The buildings look like they’ve suffered massive damage.

Fire damage.

A lot of it.

Burnt in ways that like just a tad too intentional.

My heart soared when I first saw it.

He was here.

He was here and he put up a hell of a fight.

I’m so... proud?

Yes. I’m proud that he fought.

I’m proud that he gave these bastards a hard time.

I even wish I could have seen it with my own eyes. From the look of the damaged property, it was worth seeing.

“That one…” Our blue captor points at me again, “That one’s famous.”

Well… no. But Laura is.

The white one raises an eyebrow. “Oh yeah?” He leans in closer to me.

“Boss looked from him at the summit.” The man continues before jerking his thumb to Laura. “All they could scope was that one.”

"He knew about her?" 

The man nods. "Why do you think I knew to chain her feet up?" 

"I dunno." The man says dismissively. "You have a thing for feet if I'm remembering correctly." 

Laura looks at them with feigned disinterest. 

"She's got claws in her feet." The blue man growls. 

"Like... toe claws?" 

".... I dunno." The man looks at her. 

"So the boss wants her because she has claws in her feet." The man says in obvious doubt. "And he wants him because he's famous? For... let me guess. Foot claws." 

"No, no, no. He wants them because they're fighters."   
  
"So no foot claws?" 

The blue man groans. "You." He jabs a finger at me. "Do you have claws in your feet?" 

I shake my head hesitantly. 

The man seems satisfied. "That's why only his hands are cuffed."  He leans over and lifts my bound hands. I’m cuffed in a thick ring of metal, as is Laura. I know I’ve tried and can’t get my claws through it. I’m not sure about her, though.

The pale man chuckles.

‘fighters?’ Shifter hisses. ‘can you still fight mongrel?’

‘they think you to be your father. pity.’ Master adds.  
‘false advertising at it’s finest.’ One of the nameless one’s coos.

I wish I had a free hand to cover my ears.

“The little one doesn’t look like much.”

"She can hold her own." 

"If not..." 

"Good breeding stock." The man says to his companion. The blue man looks her over lewdly. "Might want to put a bid in to get her 'warmed up'." 

"She's pretty, I'll give you that." The white man says. "Not too sure about the foot claws, though." 

"Chains can take care of that." The man dismisses. "She's too pretty to pass up." 

A testament to Laura’s strength is that her heartbeat stayed even when he said that.

"Yea? How's Mrs. Boss gonna take that?" 

"Like hell." The blue man snorts. "She'll be upset." 

"So... don't give her to the boss." The white man says in thought. "Chain her up outside and we'll take her to the camp." 

"Someone in Company A did something like that." The blue man says. "He ended up in the pits." 

"Ah." 

Laura's face is still steady. Not even her heart beat changed. 

I can't say I wouldn't have reacted if they threatened me like this. 

"So she goes to the boss." The blue man says. "He'll find a use for her." 

“Are you trying to win his favor after your last little… ‘present’?” The pale man smirks.

The blue man looks around at the damaged buildings. “Couldn’t hurt.”

… is he implying that he’s the one who captured…

“Good luck with that. Your little fire bug did more damage to the pits than anywhere.” The man shakes his head. "I had to rig three energy shields. THREE of them. He overloaded the last one." 

The blue man looks to the rubble. "We caught him, though." 

So he got out? 

The men laugh. “Spirted. I think the boss will come around to liking him.”

“Liking who?” It leaves my mouth without a second thought.

The men turn to me with guarded looks. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” The blue man sneers.

“I would, actually.” I growl.

Laura rolls her eyes skyward in a show of emotion that I can’t really place.

“Well listen to this one.” The blue man mocks. “Such a bold tongue.”

"Who got away from you? Who did all this damage?" 

"Questions get you thrown overboard." The blue man informs. "You don't want to be thrown overboard- do you?" 

Not really. But.... 

"Who got away from you?" 

"Aren't you a brave little idiot?" The white man says. 

"I'm not an idiot." I growl. 

“You said you know him?” The pale man asks, eyeing me over.

“I would think so….” His companion drawls. “But something’s different. He’s not... acting right.”

Like they know how Logan would act. Please.

“Oh really? And you’re an expert in how I should and shouldn’t act?”

“See,” The blue man points, “Right there. He’s far more articulate than I imagined.”

“AH-“

“And we caught him so easily.”  
There’s no way they can figure this out.

“Is he not supposed to be easily caught?”

The blue man looks me over suspiciously. “No. He’s supposed to be a force of nature. A beast.”

The white man snorts. “Some beast.”

Laura looks down, saying nothing. 

“Eh- we should check him. I don’t think we got the right guy.”

That gives me an idea. I look between the two men. “I’m the guy.” I try to sound rough. “I’ll show you.”

The two are quiet. “How?” The blue man says finally.

“My claws.”

X very subtly shakes her head. Bad idea. My claws are different.

“To do that we’d need to unchain you.”

I look around the ruined town surrounding us. “I don’t swim well.” I lie. “Where would I go?”

X raises an eyebrow. “He is a terrible swimmer.” She motions to the canal around us. “The storm has raised the water level it appears. He would drown.”

The man puts a finger to his lips. “Or… or- I can do the smart thing and take the mask off.”

There’s no way they can know what Logan looks like. No way. They just know his costume. They wouldn’t know one way or the other.

“You can do that.” I agree.

The man leans forward, fingers under the mask and starts to peel it backward.

He stops suddenly, Looking behind us. “Hey!” He growls to his companion. “The docks right there- you’re going to hit it.”

The man sighs. “I’ve got plenty of room.”

The blue man lets go of the mask and leans back, looking at the upcoming dock.

“You’re going to damage the boat!” He cries. 

The men proceed to bicker, excluding me and Laura.

We watch in silence as we come up to a large cement building topped with a golden dome.  
In front of the building are large cement steps leading up to an entrance lined with pillars.

In front of that is the large cement docking area.

The entire place is dark. Fire damage and ash litter the area.   
  
He's here! 

He has to be here!

“You’re going to hit it!”

“I can stop in time!” The man growls.

A second goes by before the boat rams into the cement walls that makes up the docking bay, causing us all to jolt forward.

“Did I not say that you would hit the dock?” The blue man seethes.

The two men are silent.

“Did I?” The blue man repeats.

“Alright, alright! You were right. I’ll pay for the damages with the money we get for these two.” He jerks his thumb towards us.

The blue man nods sullenly. “Grab them.”

The roughly take me by the chains attaching the cuffs, pulling me unsteadily to my feet.

‘watch it now mongrel.’ Shifter hisses. ‘one little slip and it’s lights out.’

The water is a little … high.

The boat rocks, making me exhale a hiss though my teeth.

“Big talk.” The blue man holding the chains says lowly. “You look terrified.”

The boat continues to rock as he has one foot on the cement and one in the boat.

He pulls on the chain and I pull back.

“Scared?” The man hisses. “You’re not who you’re pretending to be- boy. And I wager the boss is going to make you regret your folly.” He pulls again.

“No.” I Pull back.

“No?” The man laughs. He nods his head to the man behind him. “Give him a push.”

Strong hands are on my shoulders. “Move it.” The man growls.

“No- no. I can’t.” I try to remain stationary. “Please- I can’t.”

I stay still, leaning down lower to be more steady.

“He’s afraid of falling.” The man on the dock chuckles. “Water. He’s afraid of the water.”

I wouldn’t say afraid of ‘water’. More so of falling in with my hands cuffed.

“Can you not swim?” The man rocks the boat again, on purpose this time.

“Leave him alone.” X growls. “I will get him off the boat for you. Don’t torment him.”

“You,” The blue man points at her, “Will say nothing.” He sneers at him. “You’re a nice pair of tits and a pretty smile- Not a conversationalist. Sit still and look pretty.”

Wow….

That’s so sexist even I felt offended.

“I can get him off of the boat.” She hisses. “I handle him all of the time.”

“‘Handle’ him?” The blue man sneers. “You have handlers? Like some little royal fuck?” He turns to his companion. “Royals pay double- don’t they?”

“I’m not royal.” I growl. “I just don’t want to get off of this boat.”

“He has issues.” X says quickly. “It makes him noncompliant.”

X… stop. I don’t like this angle.

“Issues.” The man yanks on the chain hard enough to pull me forward. “His issue is that he’s not moving.”

“Stop!” I gasp as the boat rocks again.

“Move it!” The man orders.

‘mongrel, mongrel, mongrel.’ It sounds so close. I look over my shoulder to see Shifter standing there, full on monster form.

“Not you.” I hiss, moving towards the man on the dock.

“There we go.” He sounds relieved. “Just had to shout at him a bit. Must be a little jumpy.”

‘don’t trip.’ Shifter moves past X- seeming to note the worried look on her face. ‘are you going to stop them if they try to rape her? would you trade places with her? would you willingly lie down for her?’

Would I? Would I?

Would she for me?

“Please… stay away.” My voice is low.

“What’s he talking about?” The blue man’s companion asks.

“What’s he looking at?” The blue man asks Laura.

“He see’s spirits.” She lies. “Ghosts and demons. It’s his power.”

“I don’t believe you.” The blue man hisses. “What’s he looking at? Who’s he talking to?”

“Spirits.” She says in an even tone.

The pale man looks frightened… the blue one unconvinced.

“Spirits- is it?”

“Spirits.” She nods

As I’m looking at Shifter, the man uses my distraction to pull me onto the dock, catching my knee so harshly on the edge that it dislocates.

“Come on you.” The blue man hisses. “Bring your demon friends with you. The boss likes a good laugh.”

Laura is hauled up a little more gently. The pale man saying something along the lines of ‘don’t bruise the merchandise’.

"I can't move with my feet cuffed." Laura points out. 

"Hmm. What part of her feet does the claw come out of?" 

The blue man looks to be in thought. "Surely not the toes. That's impractical." 

"When have humans ever been practical?"  

"True." The man frowns. "It's either over the toes or under them."  

"She needs a boot." The blue man says. "The one's for the speeders might work..."

We stand in silence. "Well?" The blue man asks his companion.

"Well, what?" The man raises an eyebrow.

"'Well' go get the boots!" he shouts.  

The man hurries off to the building.  

I glance at X who looks like she wants to sink into the floor.  

She planned on using the claws. Not many people know about them until they see them.  

It was her secret weapon.  

Now...  

The man arrives with something that looks to have come out of a medieval dungeon. Almost like an iron maiden- complete with spikes.  

X visibly steadies herself.  

"Uncuff her."  

When the man bends over to reach the cuffs, I slam my shoulder into him, making him stumble away.  

X is shaking her head jerkily.  

"Oh, you're going to regret that." He stands up and grabs my cuffs, pulling me over to the water.

"Wait!" X says quickly.  
  
I barely hear her over my racing heart.  

"He's irrational when he sees me hurt!" She says quickly. "I'll tell him to stop. He won't be any more trouble."  

The blue man glares at me. "You better not be." He growls, pulling me back from the edge.  

They strap X into the 'boots', making her hiss.   
  
I want them dead. 

"We can move now?" The pale man asks. 

The blue man looks us over. "Yea. We can move now." 

Shifter stays three steps back, occasionally sticking his head over the man’s shoulder to look at me.

‘have you come to a decision?’ he hisses. ‘will you take miss bitch’s place?’

I can’t decide. I can’t…

‘will you lay back and think of me?’ He leans through the man who’s holding my chains.

“He’s looking behind him.” The pale man says. “He’s brought something unnatural into this place.”

“He can control them.” X says lowly, obviously in pain.

“Can he?” The blue man says in a bored tone.

“He’ll call them down on you if you don’t let us go.”

The man snorts. “I have a wife to feed. I need the money I’ll get from you.”

“A fat wife.” His companion snickers. “I wager he’ll need my share as well.”

The man glares at him. “Watch it.”

The pale man chuckles again.

“He can control the spirits.” X tries again. “He can grant you wealth.” Her voice is uneven.

Oh, that’s just lovely X.

‘wealth? you?’ Shifter snickers, running his hand up my spine. ‘you’re worthless.’

“Can you do that?” The blue man asks in guarded tone.

“Ah-“

“If you can- you’d best speak up. I’d wager 50 units a piece for you. I want double that.”

 “He can.” X nudges my calf with her boot in a quick motion that doesn’t disrupt our trek. “Can’t you Daken?” She says pointedly after exhaling. 

The two men stiffen and we slowly stop moving.

Something is wrong…. I can hear Laura hiss through her teeth.

“What’d you call him?” The pale man asks into the terribly tense silence we’ve fallen into.

“It’s a nickname.” She says quickly. “Not his real name- of course. You know how many nicknames a hero like him will have- “

“Oh, we know what it is.” The blue man smiles wickedly, moving in front of me and taking the mask off in one jerking motion. “The infamous Daken.”

“Isn’t he something to look at.” The pale man says mockingly. “Definitely fits the description…. Look at those eyes, though. Not really ‘steel’ gray. More… stormy. Don’t you think?”

Why on earth would these people know enough about me to know my eye color??

Unless…

Johnny. They’ve heard Johnny.

Apparently, they’ve heard Johnny talk about me.

"They are pretty." The blue man says. "For a man." 

"He's definitely handsome, I'll give him that. The firebug didn't lie." 

"Of course he didn't lie." The blue man chuckles. "Those chemicals wouldn't let him." 

The pale man lets go of X- trusting her to be in too much pain to move

He moves in front of me. "Explains why he was giving us such a hard time." He says thoughtfully. "And why we found heroes in the swamp." He looks at me carefully. "How many of you are there?" 

I remain quiet.   
  
"How many?" He asks with a lilt to his voice. "Come on buddy. You can tell me." 

I lean over and spit at his feet. 

The blue man lets out a loud laugh. “Now... this- this the boss will like.” The blue man has a few missing teeth and a few are misshapen. I see all them.

“How do you know me?” My voice cracks.

Why would he give them information on me?

Was he tortured?

Is he hurt? Is he bleeding?

I’ll carve their hearts out if they touched him!

‘mongrel…. they seem to like you. smile pretty for them. show them those pretty teeth.’

“How do we know you?” The men laugh. “Why… we’ve heard all your stories.”

The blue man walks a circle around me. “We know everything there is to know.”

“Leave him alone.” X says in a deathly quiet tone.

“And you must be his little helper.” The blue man chuckles darkly. “Spirits and demons- huh? No- no. This one’s insane. We heard it. “

“We ought to help him.” The pale man says gently. “Since he’s seeing ‘spirits’ already.”

The blue man smiles. “You know what- I was thinking the same thing. Let’s take him to the boss and see how we can better help him. He’s famous after all.”

I pull back on the chains before remembering that shifter is back there. “If you know who I am then you know how dangerous I am.” I try to sound frightening. “And you’ll let me and my friend go.”

“Dangerous?” The pale man snorts. “Oh yes. You’re quite scary.”

We move along the hallway until we come to a large door.

The blue man lets go of me briefly to put his hand on a scanner.

Inside the room is a large table with a map on it. The room itself is circular are surrounded by pillars.

In the middle sits a short, pale man. His hands are steepled in front of his face as he looks up at us.

“What’s this?” His voice is cold.

“We found them in the swamp.” The blue man nudges us forward. “This one was at the summit.” He directions the man’s attention to Laura. “She got away.”

The ‘boss’ stands from his chair and walks over to us.

“And that one?” He motions to me.

“This one goes by “Daken”. He’s attached to that one,” He nudges Laura with his thumb, “Who’s attached to Wolverine… who in a round about way attaches him to-“

“Say no more.” The man’s voice takes a slightly warmer tone. “Daken.” He holds his hands out in an almost welcoming gesture. “My, my. We’ve heard so much about you.”

“Let me go.” I demand.

The man smiles. “Of course we could do that….” He holds a hand out and rocks it back and forth in an unsteady motion, “but I have a feeling you’d want to see him first.” He smirks. “You do want to see him- don’t you? That’s why you were in the swamp.”

My heart stops.

“Clever man.” The man in front of me says. “Learning how to use his psy link we use on them against us. Bringing someone here….” He shakes his head before looking at the ceiling. “He’s such a clever boy.”

“Where is he?” My heart is pounding.

“I wonder though if he really expected his beloved to man the rescue mission himself. Surely he would have landed you somewhere safer.”

I try to straighten my posture, trying not to give into my unease. “Where is Johnny?” I demand.

The man smiles. “Around, my good man. You’ll see him in time.” He moves past me to Laura. “And this one… my. “

“If you touch me I will wound you.” She hisses.

He cups her face in his palm, thumbing her cheek. “You will try, that I’m certain of.” He winks at her. “Gentlemen, You’ll both receive 500 units a piece. Go tell the dock master. He’ll settle the tab with you.” He says to our captors. “You’ve done very well.”

The two men nod.

As the blue man releases his hold on me he whispers. “Looks like you control wealth after all.”

The door locks behind them when they close it.

“Come, come.” The man ushers to Laura. “Stand beside your friend here.”

She joins me with small, almost hesitant, steps.

"Ah, my dear." He looks at her feet. "The damage they must be doing to your lovely legs." 

She doesn't respond. 

"Once you're settled I give you my word they will be removed." 

"And what good is your word?" She spits. 

"Why, my word is the law!" He laughs, waving away her comments with his hand. “Now, let me get a look at the two of you.” He takes one hand to her face and one to mine. “Excellent bone structure. Eyes… my. Green and Gray. Your sires were… blue if memory serves. Am I correct?”

Sire?

Like we’re live stock.

I refuse to be treated like some kind of animal.

“We don’t have a sire.” I growl.

“You're being a human kept in mind , I would have to disagree. You do in fact have a sire.”

“We’re not live stock. We don’t have ‘sires’.” X picks up my tension and joins me.

“Come now don’t split hairs.” He tsks. “Am I correct? Your sire had blue eyes?”

‘blue. say ‘blue’ mongrel. the man wants to breed you. he has to know.’

“Well?”

He smiles between us.

“I’m going to say ‘yes’.” He says cheerfully, tone warm now that the men are gone... “So.” He claps his hands. “We have a male,” He motions to me, “and a female” he motions to her, “with extraordinary powers and uncharted attractiveness…. It makes sense to put them to breed.”

Something must show on one of our faces because the man throws his head back and laughs. “Not together- of course!” He says. “Oh my- you should have seen your face.” He points at me. “You looked disgusted.”

X makes a point of looking away from me. “No. We’ll have to mix you with what we’ve collected already.” He inspects Laura closer. “I’ve a boy about your age. Human, of course.” Then he turns to me. “But no one for you….” He says thoughtfully.

“Where is Johnny?” I stop this mad man’s rambling by repeating myself. “Don’t make me ask again.”

‘you don’t want to breed? that could have been fun!’

“My little fire bug is elsewhere.” He says dismissively.

“You said I could see him.” I growl.

“Ah,” The man holds a finger up. “I actually meant something more along the lines of ‘he could see you’.” He points to me. “See… he’s got something I very much want…. And he just won’t cooperate.” The man smiles. “But you- you, the love of his life… you just walked right into our keep. He’d do anything for you. He’s told me himself.” I feel sick to my stomach. “With the right stressors on you- and you’ll have to forgive me for that my dear- Johnny boy will have no choice but to comply.”

“He won’t do whatever it is you want him to.” I growl, defending his honor. “He’s too good for that.”

Oh god. I let myself be captured.

He sent me to rescue him... and now I can’t. I can’t even begin to figure this out. These cuffs are too hard to break through. The way they’re chained together makes throwing punches impossible.

I failed him.

I tried to do what he asked of me…

‘and you failed.’ Master would be sneering if I could see him. ‘something you’ve gotten used to doing- daken.’ His voice is cold. It’s never particularly warm- but it’s colder. ‘pathetic.’ He snarls. ‘not worth the space. play nicely with the good man weakling. perhaps he’ll find a better use for you.’

“Even if I torture you in front of him?” He asks darkly. “If I were to beat you. Rape you. Cut your pretty little head off? How do you think Johnny would behave with your head on the line?” He turns to her. "He's a hero. I know if I were to threaten the lady, he'd be devastated. So, if not you, I can rape, beat, and maim her. How's that sound?" 

I’m going to puke.

“Johnny,” He says in a softer tone, “Has told us through means of truth serum,” He stops and reads my face, “Oh don’t worry dear, he fought very hard,” He clears his throat, “That the infamous Daken is ill. Johnny said he needed to go to him. You look healthy to me.” He circles me again. “How are you ill?”

‘how are you ill…. Hmm?’

He gets very close to me. “Tell me, boy. What ails you?”

“Get away from him.” X growls.

He smiles very near my face. “It’s a rhetorical question, of course. I’ve heard all a bout the mystery illness that no human can figure out. We have something like it. Very rare. Very chronic.” He smiles at me. “Very untreatable. I’ve told Johnny of methods we use to treat this illness here… he was not amused.” His eyes gleam. “Would you like to hear them?”

“Don’t listen to him Daken.” Laura says in a guarded tone.

He turns his head to Laura. “This one would sell very nicely.” He grins. “And you’re with her…. so I’m guessing she’s someone of value to you.”

“Daken,” She hisses, “Look-“

“No, no.” The man interrupts. “No, let me talk. Daken,” He points at me, “You will behave or I will sell our pretty little friend into the nearest brothel to spend out the entirety of her days being fucked into a pulp by my cruelest of soldiers.”

I have to puke. I can’t… I can’t… this is too much. Why did I leave home? Why did I think I could do this?

“And Johnny will behave or I’ll beat the ever loving shit out of you in front of him.” He raises an eyebrow. “I hit harder than it looks like I would my dear. And I assure you – when I set my mind to a task I do it quite thoroughly.”

I want to go home.

But… no.

No. Johnny is here. I was right. Johnny is here and I have to remain vigilant to find him.  
“Are we all clear on our plan?”

All I can do is nod.

“Are you going to be ill?” He questions.

I can barely keep it down.

Come on, come on. I haven’t eaten in a few days. There shouldn't be anything to get sick on!

“My god you are.” He smiles. “Did I upset you that badly?? This is priceless.”

I have to puke... but I can’t turn away from him. I don’t trust him... I can’t trust him. He’s told me I can’t trust him. Yet... I’m about to be very vulnerable…

The acid climbing up my throat gives me no choice. I fight it off as long as I can before bending over and messily puking onto the stone floor.

He laughs. And laughs. And laughs.

“Poor thing.” He coos. “My- I’ve seen that reaction before of course... but never in a man. Specifically, a man of your age. It’s very... childish of you really.”

Shifter… he brought that around. It’s a fear-based response that…

I can’t tell him any of that.

I can’t explain what an enemy of mine did to another enemy. That’s ridiculous.

I’ll take his mocking.

“You’ll do wonderfully.” He sighs. “This is more wonderful than I could have dreamed.” He looks me over. “However- If this is going to work long term…. you’re going to have to tell me what stressors to use. The being violently ill is wonderful of course, I just need to know how to get you that way. If not, we’ll just have to spend hours of me pushing you to the very limit of every torment I can think of to try and elect the response again.” He pauses. “Of course I could dope Johnny up and make him tell me himself… I’m sure he’d love that.”

Johnny…

“But is poor ‘hero’ mentality can take another hit. I’m afraid if I push much harder I’ll break him.”

“If you hurt him-“

He puts his hand back on my face. “Oh but I have. And I will. And then,” He pauses, looking at me with a glint in his eyes, “I’ll hurt you. And then- I’ll hurt her. And when you’re all bruised and banged up and defenseless I’ll hurt you all again. And again. And again. And then- then when you’re all tired and worn out- I let you go. I send you back to your pathetic little planet to live out your pathetic little lives-“

I’d kill us all before I let that happen.

“We’ll die before then.” I threaten.

“No, no, no.” He tuts. “None of you will die. That’s my gift to all of you.” He grips my face tighter, holding me immobile. “You’ll not need it of course… but my friends who stay with me, all my guests of honor, receive a gift. A very special gift.”

A gift. God. I don’t even want to know.

“Immortality.” He whispers. “It’s my gift to them.”

“Why?” Laura asks quietly. “Why would you grant the people you plan to hurt immortality?”

He grins. “So I can hurt them in the most personal ways possible. I can't kill them... but I can ensure that they see everyone they've ever loved die. How wonderful is that?” He lets me go. “Now, my dears,” He smiles between us. “You’re soaked from the swamp. You’ll have to be washed and changed before we can move any further.”

I can’t even breathe properly. He wants something from Johnny. Johnny hasn’t given it to him… it must be bad. I can’t help him hurt Johnny.

But… no.

If it came to doing the right thing and me… Johnny would choose the right thing. That’s what makes Johnny… Johnny.

I’d want him to pick what makes him him. I’d want him to pick the right thing over me. I’ll heal. He can’t hurt me more than I’ve already been hurt.

But Johnny… I can be tortured. I can. I can’t take seeing him tortured, though. And I doubt he’ll be able to stand much of me…

But then- then- when I was with Fury and his lackeys- they sent him tapes.

Johnny watched those tapes. He’s seen me be tortured before. I’m placing a lot of good faith that he didn’t watch them happily- but he did watch them. He saw the pictures Shifter took as well. He’s seen me in distress and been helpless to stop it. In a sense- he’ll be better at this than I will. I’ll… be the weak link.

Once again.

I’ll fail him.

Once again.

I can’t do this. I can’t. I can’t save him. I can’t save Laura.

I’m not a hero.

Fuck I’m not even a villain anymore. I’m a victim. And I’m always going to be the victim.

I should have never left home.

I shouldn’t have thought I could do this.

Johnny isn’t any safer with me here. He’s nowhere near coming home.

And no one is going to come for us. Even if they tracked the jet they wouldn’t find us here. Even Logan can’t track a scent that’s as old as ours is going to be if he does eventually get up here.

The man… the ‘boss’. He hasn’t even told us his name. Once again I find myself frightened by a man who hasn’t even had the decency to give me his name.

He grabs us by the chains of the cuffs and starts to lead us towards the back of the room.

“Celese?” He calls when we enter another room through a small circular door. The next room is larger than the first. The pillars are taller and ring around a large pool.

A blue skinned woman meets us by the door.

She’s dressed in a tight fitting gray uniform. Something that screams ‘military’. Her hair is done in a buzz cut- further helping the connection along.

“Yes, sir?” She sounds stern.

“Bathe these two.” He hands the chains to her. “Keep them cuffed.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Call me when you’re done.” He instructs before turning to us. “Your orders are simple. Follow everything this woman says to the T. When you’re presentable, we’ll go and see our little friend.” He smiles. “Now, behave.”

He goes back through the door we came in, leaving us with the woman.

“The cuffs will stay on but will be unlinked. The second you try to attack me I call The Boss back in here and he’ll dole out punishment as he sees fit.” She pauses. “Understood?”

X glares are her but says nothing.

I study the floor.

“Are we understood?” She demands.

The silence is dense in the room until Laura barely whispers, “Yes.”

The woman looks Laura over. 

"I can't get my uniform off with these boots." X says after a moment. 

"I'll take the boots off but cuff your ankles." The woman says. "Do not attack me. Are we understood?" 

Laura nods. 

“Good.” The woman quickly unchains our hands and motions towards the pool. “Get undressed. You’ll be provided with soap in a few moments.”

The woman turns her back to us and walks to the other side of the room, rummaging through some shelves that protrude from the walls.

X looks at me carefully. “I am not comfortable being naked in front of you.”

That actually brings a nervous laugh from me. “Ditto.”

“Turn around then.” She motions with her hand. “You go on that side; I’ll go on the other.”

I do as she says, keeping an ear out for the other woman.

I’m almost happy to get out of my father’s uniform. While spandex stretches- it doesn’t stretch well. My skin welcomes the chance to breathe.

The water is freezing when I slide in.

I try to keep the hiss internal, listening as Laura does the same.

“Hmm.” The woman is standing over me. “You humans and your habit of destroying your own bodies.” She hisses. “Disgusting.”

I can’t hide my confusion. “What?”

She points to my chest. “Marking yourselves with whatever you deem fit. Did you earn those marks boy? Are you some great warrior?”

… Oh. The tattoo.

“It’s not the mark of a ‘warrior’.“ I growl.

“Then it’s the mark of a liar.” She sneers. “Take this.” She almost throws a glass bottle at me. “Wash yourself.”

Not surprisingly, I’ve bathed in front of countless people since my descent into madness. Nurses, my father, Johnny, Sue, Reed, Several doctors, my housekeeper…. It’s not a new situation.

This time- this time feels odd.

The soap smells strange. Almost like Laundry Detergent.

“Such pretty hair.” This is not directed at me. “So long. The boss likes Long hair on a woman.”

“You do not intimidate me.” X says coldly.

“Good. It’s not me you have to be intimidated by.” The woman counters. “Wash.”

There’s a splash behind me. X probably dipping her head under the water.

Me- I’m not putting that much thought into it.

I have to devote all spare thoughts to Johnny. Getting to him. Making sure he’s safe… finding a way to hold him. To be with him.

The thoughts from today are building up. Up and up.

Drowning out my rationality.

‘that’s right baby.’ Shifter hisses. ‘you get nice and confused.’ He slides his hands around my waist. I feel their solidness.

“You’re not real.” I gulp.

‘yea? can you feel me?’ His hand moves to my chest, stroking the tattoo. ‘can you?’

No. No. This isn’t real.

“You’re not real.” I repeat.

The room... I can’t hear the room anymore. It’s like everything has faded away.

“No?” A new voice says gently. “But I am.”

The ‘boss’ is crouched down by the pool.

“Tell me now- do you think it would be more effective to have you stable or a little unhinged when we got to see Johnny? I want to show him that I haven't hurt you… but I still want to impress on him how much you need him.” He smiles.

Shifter is still solid behind me.

‘new person here.’ He whispers in my ear. One hand is his monstrous form, the other is human. I’d hate to see what he looks like behind me. ‘and you’re kind of vulnerable.’

“Come now dear. Tell me.”

Shifter’s hand stills on my stomach, lazily running his fingers on my abs.

“Seeing something behind you?” He puts a finger under my chin, lifting it towards him. “Oh yes. This will do nicely I think. Get dressed.” He smiles cruelly. “You and Mr. Storm have a date.”


	24. Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings: psychological torture (sorta), brief thing with vomit, hallucinatory things with bugs ( i know this isn't a usual tag, but as someone who's been around that stuff I thought it best to tag it anyway) 
> 
> Enjoy! Thanks for reading!

The room is pitch black. I can smell blood,sweat, and filth. The stench echoes off of almost twenty living bodies. The smell varies- however. Some of the bodies are further back than others. I’m guessing logically that some are worse off than others as well- emitting a larger stench. The ones closest to us don’t smell too terribly rotten I suppose .

From the breathing and scents, I’m guessing here’s a small group in front of us. Probably no more than three.

The stench takes me back. Almost like I don’t want to push through it. This is the smell of pain and hurt.

Delayed death.

People who apparently aren’t dying like they should... but they aren’t healing either.

‘johnny rotting in a cell. good thing you’re nice and clean.’

“You’re not real.” I mumble.

‘johnny, johnny, johnny. oh, what has the lovable idiot gotten himself into this time.’

“Shut up.” It’s barely a whisper. I doubt anyone took notice of it.

“Who’s there?” That’s not Johnny. It sounds too young to be Johnny.

“Shh shh, now my good man.” He Shushes him. “Save your strength...” The Boss stops moving, letting Laura and I take one more step in the direction of the bodies. “Mr. Storm you’ve taken out the light again.” The boss calls into the dark...

“We can’t sleep with them on.” He counters, voice sounding hard to decipher.

“Ah. Well, you don’t seem to be sleeping now. Why don’t you be a dear and light the torches? I’ve brought a present for you.”

There’s silence before a raspy, “Shove it up your ass.”

Johnny.

I can’t help but move forward, towards his voice.

He sounds like he’s in pain.

My voice is caught in my throat. I try to call out to him, but it’s barely a whisper.

This can’t be happening.

Johnny. My Johnny.

Alive.  
But for how long?

This smell- this horrible smell. He’s contributing to it.

“Now, now dear.” The boss says to me. “Don’t get jumpy. I said you could see him- not touch him.”

There’s moaning from somewhere in the back of the room.

“Warren is here.” X says quietly. “And he is bleeding.”

“…. Ah yes.” The man affirms. “The angel. Yes. He’s here.” He clears his throat. “And it would be much easier to see him if someone would light the torches.” He calls loudly.

“Laura?” Johnny sounds shocked.

“Johnny? Are you okay?” She calls back.

“Forget that. Tell me you brought a team.” He sounds so hopeful. Underneath that hopeful tone his voice cracks. Johnny’s tired. Johnny’s hurt. He needs out of this place. He needs out immediately.

If I could see, I bet the room would spin. I feel something crawling up my legs… like some sort of insect. I’m aware that this may very well be a hallucination- seeing as no one else is reacting. I’m not ruling it out as real until the lights are on, however.

Laura’s heart beat picks up when she hears Johnny’s tone. “I’m afraid not. I was captured.”  
Johnny… oh, Johnny.

That smell… that smell is coming from the direction his voice is! He’s bleeding!

He needs help. He needs... me. I need to go to him.

I have to get free of this man.

As if he was reading my mind, he moves his hand from my chains to my shoulder- letting Laura’s chains go entirely.

“But he got you my message?” He asks quickly. “He told Logan?”

“Logan didn’t believe him…. “X says gently. “No one did.”

“No, no. I’ll try again. I can reach him-“

“You’ll find that easy to do.” The boss chuckles.

“X,” He sounds so broken. “Is he okay? Please tell me he’s okay. They got information about him. I tried not to say anything important. I swear.” His voice cracks again. “Please tell me he’s okay.”

“You could ask him yourself.” The boss interrupts. “If you would light the torches.”

“Ask…” He stops. I can smell the stench of fear on him. “No. No. You wouldn’t. There’s no way he could be here-“

“Attractive man, mid-twenties. Gray eyes. Shocking black hair. Alternative hair style.” He rambles off. “Looks off to the side as if seeing something…. When stressed he get’s this most vacant look in his eyes… and when upset he looks like he’s going to be ill.” I can imagine the man smile. “In fact he get’s ill. You’re going to clean that up – by the way.” He directs to me. “We’ll have to work something out with the chains.”

“What are you talking about?” Johnny demands.

“What do you think Johnny?” The boss asks. “Take the wildest guess you possibly can.”

We’re all silent.

Oh Johnny.

The pressure on my legs spreads to my arms. Something is pulling me to the floor.

My stomach churns and there’s acid in my throat.

“I’m waiting.” The man behind me says cockily.

“…Daken?” Johnny asks weakly into the dark.

I’ve failed him. I… “I-” I can’t find my voice. I have to... try. “I’m sorry.” Is all I can manage. The acid in my stomach almost burns. “I’m sorry.” I’ve failed him.

‘you were his only hope.’ Master says quietly. ‘you’ve failed. once again. will you ever manage to do anything other than fuck up- daken? or will this be the pattern for the rest of your life?’

“I’m so sorry.”

‘you are sorry. a sorry excuse for a human being.’

“No, no, no.” Johnny says gently. “Don’t be sorry.”

“Of course not.” The man says, leaning into my ear. “Johnny should be sorry. He brought you here after all.”

“No.” Johnny says, sounding heartbroken. “No… let him go. He’s not a part of this.”

“Oh, but he is.” The man says gleefully. “And he’s going to be until you, Mr. Storm, come to an arrangement with me.”

 “If you hurt him I will burn this entire city to the ground.” Johnny growls.

“Oh really?” The man slides an arm around my waist. “Come here, dear. Move closer.” He walks us further into the room. “A light my little fire bug?”

Lights flood the room, a circle of flame rising all at once.

In the center of the room are three men- Johnny, Warren, and some purple skinned man. They’re bloody and tattered. Each of them wearing a thick metal collar chained with large links to the floor.

Around them are a ring of metal brackets. Each Holding a rather large candle.

Johnny is standing in the middle of the circle. He looks a little thin. The blood is what get’s me. It looks like he’s got several open wounds in his torso. His uniform has been changed into one like I’m wearing- a paper like material that’s a hideous gray color. It’s cut unusually tight on him, hugging as much as his sculpted body as humanly possible.

“Johnny.” It sounds wrecked. “You’re hurt.”

“A little bit.” He says quietly. “I’ll be okay.”

I pull at the chains harshly, gaining a little distance from the boss.

“Uh uh uh.” The man pulls back, wrapping the chains around his hands and reeling me back to him. “Let’s look with our eyes- shall we?” He takes his free hand and pushes hair back from my eyes in a possessive motion. “He’s pretty- isn’t he Johnny? You picked yourself such a pretty man. I mean... your description didn’t do him justice.” He runs his hand through my hair, stopping to play with the longer strands. “I love his hair.” He continues. “How does he get it so soft?”

Johnny’s eyes are wide. There’s a cut on his right eyebrow that's dripped blood down the entire side of his face.

“You’re bleeding. “I try again, voice getting caught in my throat as he continues to touch and stroke me.

“He just took a bath, Johnny. “The man over exaggerates sniffing my neck, interrupting the conversation I’m trying to start with Johnny. “He smells amazing.”

“Laura?” Warren looks worse for wear. “It’s Laura.” He slurs. “Mr. Storm-“

“Johnny.” Johnny corrects, glancing back to him briefly before flicking his eyes forward. “It’s Johnny, man.”

“Laura.” Warren points. “It’s…”

Why is Laura saying nothing? How can she possibly say nothing?

“Just painting a picture for you.” The boss says, still holding me very intimately. “In case you can’t smell him over your own stench.”

“Let him go or I swear I will incinerate you.” Johnny growls.

“You can’t mean that.” The boss tuts. “You’ve told me how much that upsets you.”

Incineration upsets him.

I know this.

He sometimes cries in his sleep. He hated what he did to Shifter.

He admits to being very conflicted- conflicted. That’s how he puts it. He wanted to keep me safe... and he wanted the man to pay… but he didn’t like the after effects. He didn’t like that he killed.

“Speaking of upsets,” The boss moves us closer to Johnny. “He was having some issues in the bathing room….” He chuckles... “I’m sure this is very, very upsetting for him. In such a strange place among such strange people.” He kisses my cheek. “If I were his lover I’d do everything in my power to make him feel at ease.” There’s silence. “Don’t you want Johnny to help you? You can’t possibly be comfortable with me- a stranger- touching you like this.”

“Stop touching him.” Johnny growls.

His fingers trace my lips... I’m frozen. I can’t move. I feel pressure as his forefinger slides into my mouth.

I fight against the intrusion, but his other hand grabs the back of my head, holding me in place.  
“What do you think Johnny boy? Do you want to come to terms with me?”

“Get your fucking hands off of him!” Johnny demands.

“Make me.” The man withdraws his finger and reinserts it, adding another. “Where should we go next- hmm? Do you think he’ll spread himself for me? Or will I have to make him?”

“Let him go or I will gut you with my bare hands.” Johnny threatens lowly.

“Nice and slick now.” he removes his fingers from my mouth. “What do you say, Johnny? Should I give him a more thorough ‘inspection’?” He makes finger quotations around ‘inspection’.

It makes my skin crawl.

But… I can’t move.

Johnny is here... and seeing him like this has put me in some state of shock. Laura’s life is on the line too. Johnny’s life is on the line. What choice do I have? If he wants to finger fuck me- he’s going to do it. There’s no stopping him.

“What do we say?” He mocks.

He can't use this against me. I've had worse. 

“Get off of him or I swear to god-“

“Are you a religious man- Jonathan?”

Johnny glares at him. “That’s not important.” He grits his teeth.

"It seems to be important if you’re going to swear to ‘god’. If you don’t believe in ‘god’ it’s not much of a threat now is it?” The boss slides his hand down to the front of the flimsy gray uniform they’ve given me. “Hmm…. he’s not enjoying himself.” He says thoughtfully. “I could make him- Johnny. I could force him to enjoy what I did to him- right in front of you. Would you like that?”

I can’t look at Johnny anymore.

This is my fault.

I blindly walked into this trap.

Johnny…

I just can’t get over failing him. This is the biggest failure I possibly could have made.

Laura takes this moment of silence to slam her shoulder into the boss, knocking him to his knees. “You’re okay.” She says to me. “He won’t touch you.”

I’m stunned. All I can do is stare at her.

“You’re okay.” She repeats. “I won’t let him hurt you.” She winces at the pain in her legs, looking a little faint. I bet if the boots were to be removed they'd be full of blood at this point. 

The man from the floor laughs. “We’ll be keeping this one cuffed- won’t we?” He stands to his feet.

“Laura.” Warren says again. “My…. Laura.”

“Ah.” The man looks between the two of them. “Look here. Yet another little couple. This is just so,” He looks between the four of us, “So, so, useful.” He walks in front of Laura, abandoning me and Johnny for the moment.

“What are you using Warren for?” She demands.

The man smiles. “Breeding. If the young gentlemen could muster up the balls to do so.”

“Breeding.” She repeats. “That’s disgusting.”

“I want an army of mutants.” The man smiles. “And who has better mutants than you earthlings?” He looks over at Johnny. “However- that one… I learned was not a mutant. His gifts are not hereditary. I had to find another use for him.”

“Warren doesn’t belong here.” X says firmly. “You can mess up a time line in a way we do not yet understand by keeping him.”

“Look at all the care I have for that statement.” He motions around the room. “A grand some of ‘none’.” He walks back towards Johnny. “You are useless for breeding. You won’t tell me about your sire or sibling. I don’t know what your family’s probability of producing a mutant is… and you’re not interested enough in females to make mating possible.” He sounds frustrated. “You have but one thing that I want, Mr. Storm. And I intend to get that before the day is out.”

I can’t hold myself back anymore. I start to move towards Johnny. I can’t take this. I need to be with him. To feel him. To feel him breathing.

“Oh no, no.” The man grabs the chain again. “No. You stay with me.” He starts to pull me backward.

“Daken,” Johnny says softly, “I’m so, so sorry. Honey- I’m... I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

“I’m sure he didn’t.” The man says with a pout. “Poor poor Johnny.”

Johnny looks to still have his spirit. He still-

“Has he hurt you?” I demand.

Johnny shakes his head. “No, honey. I’m fine.”

“No, he’s not.” The man says with a chuckle. “I’m bleeding him dry.”

Johnny glares at the man. “It’s nothing.”

“Stubborn boy.” the man hisses.

He grabs my arm and pulls me against him. “Come on Johnny. Let’s talk.”

Jonny ignites his hands and blasts the man- only to have it stopped by some sort of force field.

“Naughty.” The boss clucks his tongue. “I’ll tell you what- Daken can stay with me until you make up your mind.” He kisses me again. “What do you think?”

I think I can stab him if I can get him to release my claws.

“And for my safety,” He smiles wickedly. “I can press this little button right here on his cuffs and crush all the bones in his pretty little hands. Claws included.”

Johnny looks a little pale. I can’t tell if it’s from blood loss.

“What do you say, Johnny? Should we push the button?”

He lifts my cuffed hands up high.

“It’s over in almost an instant.” He lowers my hands “But… I know what you’re thinking. He’ll heal. Well wouldn’t you know it- we have something for that too. A little serum that would block our lovely friend's healing factor…”

“You’re lying.” I seethe. “You didn’t know I was coming here. There’s no way you could have prepared for me.”

How dare he try to use this against Johnny? How dare he treat me like some kind of…

Victim.

But…. I am.

I can’t get this straight in my head. It’s not worth the time or energy to really settle down and think about it. And honestly at the moment, I have neither the time nor the energy to spare.

The man grins. “We planned on kidnapping you, to be honest. It’s fortunate that you happened to come to us before we came to you.”

“Do it.” I growl. “Do your worst.”

“Oh, I have your permission now?” The man chuckles. “You heard him, Johnny. He told me it was okay.”

Johnny shakes his head. “Don’t touch him! We can make some kind of deal- I swear.” He says darkly. “Just let him go.”

“You’ll do what I want?” The man says. “You’ll have to specify.”

“I’ll-“

“Don’t do anything Johnny.” I demand. “I’ll be fine.”

“I doubt the good Laura thought to bring his medication, Johnny. I remember you telling me he was on a lot. He’ll get sicker and sicker and I’ll be right there. He’ll be terrible fun at parties- don’t you think? I had someone with an illness like his. I used her as a fool.” He pulls me closer. “He’d make a pretty fool wouldn’t he?”

God. No. no. This isn’t happening.

“Johnny?”

Johnny’s face is a battle field of emotions.

He looks at me helplessly. Hopelessly.

“Don’t worry about anything.” I say to him. “I’ll be fine.” I lie.

He knows it.

“Tick tock Johnny.”

“I don’t know what he wants you to do – but don’t.” Laura says lowly. “I’ll take care of Daken. I’ve done it before. We’ll be fine.”

“Fine? Fine, she says.” Boss laughs. God, I wish I knew his name. “Okay, Johnny. If you’re not going to play…” He pushes a button on my right cuff that introduces this insane amount of pressure at breakneck speeds. The bones in my wrist, forearm, and parts of my fingers are smashed instantly- the resulting crunch is sickening to the ears.

The sensation is ten times the pain of slamming a hand in a car door. Coupled maybe with the feeling of having it over run by the very same car.

I can’t help but scream.

“Oh, oh, oh. I’m sorry dear.” The man says mockingly. “Let me see your other hand.” He presses a similar button on the other cuff that causes the same reaction. He pushes a smaller button a few centimeters down and some it causes sort of prick in my already damaged hand. “And there’s the injection.” He walks over to Laura and unceremoniously does the same to her. She, to her credit, knew what was coming and made a lot less noise than I did.

“There. Declawed.”

That’s wrong. Laura’s claws are plated. That wouldn’t have broken them. He broke her hands- that's for sure- but not the claws. 

Mine… I’d hate to see what they look like.

“Would you like Johnny to kiss it and make it better?” The man teases.

Johnny’s eyes are full of rage. He stares daggers at the man.

“Come on now.” The man releases the cuff, revealing my broken and bruised arms. He lets the cuffs fall to the floor with a heavy ‘clunk’. The right arm has jagged bone coming through at the wrist. The pain is unimaginable. “Let’s have Johnny kiss it better.”

I try to extend my claws. The right one pushes through just barely. I push it harder, fighting through the enormous amount of pain… only to have it shatter and literally, fall to the floor. The shock has to be evident on my face because the boss laughs. “Now you have double the boo boo. Johnny can make it better… let’s go see hmm?”

He has to push me towards Johnny, my bare foot catching on the shattered fragment of my own claw. He moves us through the force field easily. It obviously wasn’t meant to keep people in. Just energy.

As we get closer to Johnny, my heart sinks. I don’t want to hurt him with this. I know he won’t want to see it.

“Take a look.” The Boss says cheerfully. “Look at what your stubbornness did.”

Johnny doesn’t look down. He stares at into my eyes- not acknowledging the other man. “It’s okay.” He says gently. “The serum will wear off.” His gaze is intense. “The claws will grow back in a few days. You know they will.”

I just shake my head.

“I love you.” he says gently. “I’m sorry you’re here… I will get you out.” He makes that sound like a promise.

“I was supposed to get you out.” I say weakly.

“You tried- honey.” He smiles just the tinniest of bits. “That’s what matters. You got all the way here.”

“And got yourself captured.” The Boss interrupts. “Here Johnny-Give him a kiss. He’s been hurt very badly.” The man lifts my broken limbs higher than they want to go. The pain is immediate.

Johnny keeps my gaze while lowering his head and brushing his lips over my right forearm. A few centimeters up from where the bone is protruding. “I’m sorry.” He says quietly. “He will pay for this.”

“Awh. Don’t you feel better?” The man pulls me back before I can touch Johnny. “I know that I’m touched.”

“Let me go!” I fight to stay near him, causing the other two men in the circle to take note. Warren says something quietly about Laura while the other man is silently observing.

“Yes.” The man teases. “Oh yes. We can’t stay here. No, no, no. You need special accommodations. A bed. Blankets. Something soft and easy to lay in.”

Johnny goes to grab me but ends up catching an arm, making me scream again.

“Now, Johnny- play nice.” The man admonishes.

X rushes the man from outside the circle and kicks him hard enough to knock him over and have me released from his hold. I stumble back towards Johnny. He takes me into his arms and I almost feel safe. I try to avoid getting my injured limbs caught in between us.

Johnny kisses me urgently, but gently at the same time.

“You’re okay.” He says when we part.

“Stop worrying about me.” I order. “I’m here to save you.”

This is a lie. I can’t. I know I can’t.

Johnny smiles gently. “I know you are.”

There’s a groan from the floor. “You’re really trying my patience here sweetheart.” The boss growls, throwing a kick from the floor that sweeps Laura’s feet out from under her. “You don’t want to see me angry.”

Laura's apparently lost too much blood. She slumps to the floor and does not get back up. 

Angel makes another slurred, “Laura?”

She looks in his direction, seeming to take him in for the first time.

The man rolls to his feet, taking a few short steps and grabbing my right arm, wrenching it from Johnny and pulling me backward... He takes his other hand and puts it on my face, steadying me in an unusual motion. “This is enough.” His hand starts to get unnaturally hot for a second.

“What are you doing?” I ask unevenly.

“I have tricks too.” He whispers in my ear. “I control pain…. I can induce pain, I can make pain worse, I can make it less, I can sink it into your very bones.”

A crippling pain jolts from the bottom of my spine to my neck. It echoes in all of my organs at once, making my entire body seize up. I feel it like electricity dancing through my ribs and chest.

The dull ache of my arms is nothing now.

“Ah—r—“

“Honey- breathe.” Johnny says gently. “Breathe.” He moves as close as he can with the chain keeping him slightly immobile.

“And here we go with the coaching.” The man hisses. “You’ve trained every person in this chamber how to work through this…. How to survive it. But what will you do when it's your love? Can you simply watch me hurt him and try to distantly tell him what to do?”

Johnny looks down. “Breathe Daken. It’s worse if you don’t breathe.” His eyes are watery.

“‘Breathe’ he says.” The man mocks. “He doesn’t love you at all.” He kisses my neck. “Not like he should. Is he happy to see his lover? No. I had to make him kiss you.”

“J..ohnny?” I can’t think over the pain.

“That’s not true.” Johnny growls. “Daken honey- don’t listen to him.” He strains against the chain. “Let him go!” He demands, hand igniting.

“Shoot me and I will break all of his little bones and leave him chained in the dungeon for the night.” The boss threatens.

“He’s not a part of this!” Johnny repeats. “Let him go!”

“Do you want the pain to stop, Daken?” He whispers in my ear. “Do you want it to end?”

I try to stay stationary. Not a single movement. But the pain is making me double over.

Before I can register it, I’m vomiting again. It’s bloody and disgusting.

“Internal bleeding, Johnny.” He says crisply. “You know what happens next. Help him out. If you love him -you’ll help him.”

The hand moves back to my head.

“All kinds of pain- Johnny.” He threatens. “Psychological pain is still pain. And I have an inkling of just what will happen if I mess with his.”

‘ah. yes. mental pain.’

No.

The world starts to spin. Slowly at first and then a little faster.

This insane panic sets into my bones.

Johnny... hurt. I can’t get to him.

He let him do this to me.

He’s letting him do this to me!

He doesn’t love me anymore… I’ve failed him. I’ve failed him too many times. I should have got Logan… I can’t do this. I can’t do this on my own.

I’m too confused to fight with this man.

I’m too worried for Laura.

They’re going to hurt her. To rape her.

She probably doesn’t know what that feels like yet. She thinks she’s strong enough to take it- she’s not.

No one is.

Johnny… is Johnny going to let him do this to me?

‘now, now, now.’ Shifter is… loud. Practically screaming. ‘you know the answer to all of those ponderings.’

‘unless he's forgotten them in his stupidity.’ Master is loud too.

 “No… no...”

“Honey-” Johnny starts. “Breathe. It’s okay. It’s all okay.”

‘it’s not. he’s going to leave you. he’s going to leave you to die. he’ll never do what they want him too. you’ll be a fool. don’t you think you’d look charming as a fool? do you know what they typically wear?’ Shifter snickers. ‘it will be like ‘tears of a clown’. A stupid, foolish, clown.’

None of this is real.

None of this is real.

‘maybe you’re back home.’ Shifter coos. ‘sleeping in your bed.’

Home? At home?

Is this real?

“Now darling, give me a scream.” That was real. That was a real sentence.

That’s… not Shifter’s voice.

The boss puts his hands on my hips- holding me in place.

Shifter’s hands overlap the boss’s, raking claws down my sides. I can… “Please,” I groan. “GO AWAY!” I think this was shouted. Shifter stands behind me, Master to the side. The shadows from the walls form an almost circle, bobbing up and down. All the voices scream at me. “Oh god.” I’ve all but forgotten the physical pain. I vomit again but it barely registers over everything. “Go away… go away. Don’t touch me!” I move away from Shifter, finding it hard to remember the damage in my hands.

“Oh look.” The boss sounds happy. “Look at him go.”

‘dance with me.’ Shifter says, leaning down to me.

I slip in vomit, falling backward and smacking the back of my head on the concrete.

“Get the fuck away from me.” I threaten.

I draw my claws... and they start to crumble painfully.

“What??” I’m so confused. My hand is bleeding more than it usually does when I draw my claws. I can’t.... bend it.

I reach a hand out to Johnny and it’s buzzing. Vibrating almost. I look at it’s bruised and broken surface… maggots slowly burrow through my flesh to the outside.

“No… no... what is this?” I watch the worms wiggle and sting. My arm is writhing with them. I try to fling them off, but they stick to me. “Get them off.” I gasp. “Get them off of me!”

“Insects?” The Boss guesses.

“Stop it.” Johnny growls.

I let out a cry of frustration... I don’t know what else to do! They’re burrowing into my skin and my hands won’t function to let me get them off.

‘ah. upset by a few buggies? it could always be worse… they could be on your face… would you like me to help you?’

‘he needs no help.’ Master says lowly. ‘let the boy suffer.’ He moves to the side, away from Shifter. I could swear he’s studying Johnny. ‘you should have killed him.’ He says with a great amount of disinterest. ‘he’s as good as dead now.’

Maggots are crawling in between my fingers- I can’t shake them.

I vomit again. Not just out of pain- but revulsion.

No one is helping me.

“Help me!” I don’t know who I’m asking.

“He can’t take it!” Johnny yells. “Stop!”

“Johnny???” I ask weakly, stumbling towards his voice.

Something tugs me back. Hard enough to make me fall into the floor- into the shadows. They cling to me like water… unshakable.

“Johnny!” I’m going to drown. I can’t… the panic is over taking me.

Johnny… dying. Dead. I died. This is hell. This is my hell.

Johnny….

“Johnny… Where the fuck are you?” I can’t help but sob.

There’s this sudden bout of depression... strong… undiluted.

I have to … die.

The only way this will end is if I die.

“Let him go!” Johnny screams.

I cry harder. I can’t help it.

The pain is circling in my body, my mind is screaming, the room is spinning, my body is being eaten by worms….

Worms.

Logan left me for the worms.

He buried me.

He killed me.

Oh god. It’s happening again.

I’m going to die. I’m going to be torn apart by worms.

God… no...

“Get off, get off! Get off of me!” I jerk to my side, painfully dragging my arms against the floor. “Get off of me!”

“Honey- it’s okay.” He tries to calm me. “Let him go,” He repeats to the man above me. “You’ve proved your point.”

“Perhaps I have.”

I’m chocking on bile and tears.

“That’s a lovely face.” He teases. “Look at me.”

His eyes are black. It takes a lot of will power to keep looking.

“Help me...” It seems like an appropriate thing to ask.

The voices start to subside slowly. The maggots disappear one by one and the shadows slink off the corners.

The boss kneels down beside me. “Now Daken,” He says almost patiently. “Ask Johnny to make a deal with me.” He puts a hand on my shoulder. “Ask him to give into my one tiny, minuscule request, and you can sleep with him tonight.”

My heart skips a beat.

“We don’t want to have a repeat of what just happened- do we?”

I’m sweating. My heart is racing… Everyone in the room that I can see is staring at me with pity written all over their faces. Towards the back of the room, I notice a line of cells in a dark hallway. The people inside are making a little more noise than they were when we entered. Enough noise for me to notice them at any rate.

“Do we want a repeat episode?” He asks.

I look at my hands. I want to pull myself into a seated position- but I know they won’t support my weight.

“Daken?”

“…No.”

“No ‘sir’.” He corrects.

“Don’t call him ‘sir’,” Johnny growls. “You don’t owe him that respect.”

“It’s ‘no sir’, Daken. If you don’t want to spend the rest of the night peeling the flesh from your own bones in the wake of your hallucinations.”

I swallow spit. My mouth is acidic. Too much vomiting tonight.

“So… Daken, do we want another episode like what we just had?”

He taps the tip of my nose with his finger.

“The answer is of course ‘No. No, we do not.’”

Johnny lets out something to sounds dangerously close to a sob.

“I’m sorry Johnny- did that upset you? Seeing him suffer like that? You take such good care of him… you’ve told me how hard his episodes are on you.”

Johnny shakes his head. “Are you okay?” He asks weakly.

Boss chuckles. “Now, Johnny- what do you think?” He turns back to me. “Now that we know Johnny is upset- you’re going to ask him one simple question.” He holds his fore finger up. “Just one.” He waits. “Can I get a nod? Nod if you understand that you have to ask him a question.”

“Games… I can’t watch.” Warren says form the circle.

X shushes him. “I know.” She says gently. “I know.”

“If you don’t ask him- you come with me.” He offers a smirk. “If he says ‘no’- you come with me. Do you understand?”

I nod, feeling water logged almost.

“Good. Now Ask him.”

“Johnny-” I don’t remember what he wants me to ask. “Uh- “

“I can’t.” He says before I can ask. “Honey, you don’t know what he’s asking me to do.”

“Ask him to give into my request.” The man prompts. “Ask him to do that and it can end for the night.”

“Please.” Is all that comes to mind.

“I can’t.” He cries, tears rolling down his face. It causes streaks through the dried blood. “Honey- I can’t.”

“Say, “Johnny,” He stops and prompts with his hands. “Repeat,”

“Johnny,”

“Good. Now say ‘grant the boss his request’.”

He shakes head. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

“Grant the-” I stop. “No.”

The man looks slightly impressed. “No?”

I weakly nod.

“I like you.” He says gently. “I have big plans for you. Would you like to hear them?”

I shake my head.

He smirks. “I’m going to take you to my room. We might do something- we might not. I might just play with your pretty little mind. Then, when you’ve had enough of that I’ll go to sleep- leaving you tied up to my bed post. In the morning, I’ll drag you down here to the dungeon and torture you in front of Johnny until he caves.”

Everyone is silent.

Laura’s crawled closer to Warren, who’s laying his head against her shoulder.

“Johnny,” The boss turns to Johnny, who’s sunk down to his knees. “Will you lend your services to me for a brief time and aid in the invasion of the capitol?”

Please... please say yes.

Wait- wait. Say no. That’s right. ‘No’ is the answer.

“Johnny…” it’s a whimper.

X tries to get to her feet several times, but can't. “Can I get him off the floor?” She asks quietly.

"You can't get yourself from the floor, dear." He says. "Those boots are a hell of a thing." 

The purple man in the group grimaces. I notice in slight fascination that he's also wearing a pair. 

"Let me help him from the floor." She continues. "He's filthy." 

The boss shakes his head. “No, no. Let him struggle. You’ll stay in here with your little birdie friend. Maybe prompt some of that mating.” He says lewdly. “Uniform should be tight enough to get some kind of response.”

“No… no... no.” Warren says repeatedly. “No- Laura- please. No. My Laura. My-“

He sounds like me.

The Boss turns his attention back to Johnny. “One simple word Johnny boy. One word. One word and he’s all yours.”

Johnny looks at the floor. “I can’t.” He whispers.

My heart sinks.

“Come again?” The Boss asks lowly.

“I can’t.” Johnny is crying. “I can’t.” Soft tears.

The man over me exhales slowly. “So be it.” He takes my face in his hand. “You’re probably tired.” He coos. “Why don’t you come to bed with me- huh? We’ll lay down for a little bit  while Johnny… reconsiders.”

“Johnny- please.” I groan. “Johnny-“

“Honey- I’m sorry.” He’s definitely crying. “I’m so sorry.”

The man drags me to my feet, pulling me up painfully by my arms.

“Why don’t you tell me what you saw with your lovely hallucinations- huh? Did you see anything fun?” He’s pulling me away. “Besides the buggies? My last fool saw bugs when I did that to her. I’m wondering if it’s a side effect of my powers or if everyone with this illness sees them.”

“Johnny!” I try to fight against him. “Please- “

“Don’t interrupt.” He pulls harder. “So yes- bugs? You saw bugs? This is for scientific research dear. Please be honest.”

“Let me go!” I growl. “Johnny!”

Laura is saying something to him. We’ve moved far enough away that I can’t quite make it out.

“Oh yes. Scream for him. Give him something to think on.” The boss says cheerfully. “You’ve such a lovely scream- do you know that? So powerful. Do you use it often?” He stops. “What am I saying?? Of course you do. Probably scream your little lunatic head off- don’t you? My fool did. She screamed and screamed. I had to gag her at a party once.”

His... fool.

This woman... with an illness like mine. Exploited. Used for entertainment. I can’t… what kind of man is this?

The world spins and spins… I’m useless to stop it.

He’s practically dragging me. It’s like the idea of fighting never came to mind.

“Johnny boy down in the pits,” The boss says in a melodic matter, “And lover boy by my side…” He turns to me, kissing the side of my head, “I’ll tell you in confidence that I thought today was going to be terrible.” He grins, stopping his pulling while he stands beside a large door. “I’m glad it’s turned out like it has.”

There’s a scanner on the side of the wall.

A stone wall with a small bit of technology. For some reason, that sticks out in my mind.

The door opens with a whoosh revealing a large room with high ceilings. Nearest the door that’s a small living room set up, complete with plush couches and chairs all padded with red a and gold material. On the far side of the room are a row of large windows. Rectangular at the bottom and curved at the top. Like you would see in church. The only remaining piece of furniture is a large four poster bed pushed against the wall. The blankets are the same color pattern as the furniture and look to be filled with some kind of featherish material.

“Look around my dear.” The boss says lightly. “Does the housing suit your needs?”

I don’t respond.

I’ve shown enough weakness in front of him. He won’t get the honor of me showing anymore.

“It’s a real shame about Johnny.” He says almost gently. “Honestly- my dear. A real shame. If my lover were put in this dire situation- I would do almost anything to free her.”

So he has a lover….

That’s good to know.

“Johnny… well doesn’t seem to care about you that much- does he?”

My heart sinks.

No. No. This isn't about me and Johnny. This is about doing the right thing. This man wants Johnny to burn an entire city… the capitol. Yes. That’s what he said. He wants to over throw an entire civilization. Of course, Johnny can’t do that. It would kill him.He went back to taking missions because being a Hero was something that was in his blood.He’s on this mission for that very fact. I can’t expect him to change his entire nature for me.

I wouldn’t want him to.

No matter how much my aching bones try to tell me otherwise.

“IF you’ll hold still for a moment.” The man walks further into the room and retrieves a small gray box. He blows some dust off of the metal lid.

“We were told about your other little powers….” He says quietly, Opening the box and retrieving a thick metal collar. “So excuse me for taking the precautions.” He snaps it around my neck before I can move away from him- making me question his super human abilities for the first time since the pain fiasco. “Mutation.” He says gently. “How wonderful. I wanted some powers of my own- you see. But… well…” he smirks. “I had to find them. I had to splice my own genetics…. I went to the summit looking for more powers. And try as I might… I just cannot seem to take Johnny boys. I can’t replicate it.” While he’s been talking I haven’t been paying attention. His hands have been messing with the collar in quick jerky motions. “I can’t replicate it… but I can harness it. IF I can harness it… well. A ‘human torch’ at my disposal. A sentient flame thrower… he won’t tell me the extent of his powers at the moment... but I have an idea for that as well.”

I spare a glance down to see a large, thick, metal chain now attached to the collar.

“Change of topic.” He catches my eyes with a lewd grin. “Be a good boy now and I may take you for walkies later. Would you like that? Huh?”

I feel sick to my stomach again.

He pulls on the chain until we’re on the bed, quickly attaching one end of the links to the metal post nearest the head board but looping it around and then putting a lock through two of the links- holding it together.

“There’s your bed.” He says cheerfully. “I’ll get you a pot to piss in.”

That sounds wonderful.

“Come on now, sit sit.” He pats the bed with a hand, taking a seat on the mattress.

I eye him warily.

“My dear I’m not going to hurt you.” He says in that same cheerful tone. “Not unless Johnny boy is watching. There’s no point in hurting you where he can’t see.” He smiles. “Physically- you’re fine. Mentally- well… I can hurt you anytime I want at this distance. Keeping away from your only seating does nothing but add to your discomfort.”

I warily sit down beside the pillows. There’s enough slack to the chain to not be painful or tight. Making me take note of this particular spot for sleeping possibilities later.

“Now… let me see. Tomorrow... before I torture you, I think you should eat something.” He says. “Lover boy seems to react stronger when you’re visibly ill. I think we should make that easier on you.”

I stay quiet- again not wanting to give him the satisfaction.

“You know… I could work it the other way.” He says lowly.

“If you torture him you won’t get him to help you at all.” I need to make sure he knows that’s not a possibility.

“True.” He runs a finger over my right arm. “We should set these arms.”

“They’re fine.” I dismiss.

“You’ve bled all over yourself.” He points to the right wrist bone and raises an eyebrow. “Let me set your arms... and wash you up again. Such a pretty face. I’d hate to see it dirty.”

“I’m not dirty.” I growl.

“You’re covered in vomit.” He says almost playfully. “Slipped in it while you were in your episode. At this point, I don’t trust you enough to throw you back in the tub. I’ll have to wash you.”

“I’ll stay dirty.” I try to stay emotionless.

 

“Got some fight left in you now? I like that. I like that a lot.” He lifts my chin with his finger. “Such lovely bone structure. Good breeding. I like a good breed.”

“Let go of me.” I snap.

“How lucky is it that I wanted you sire… and got you and your sibling instead?” He smiles. “Not exactly what I wanted mind you- but better than nothing- that’s for sure.”

My arms throb, reminding me that they have in fact been damaged.

“Would you like more kisses?” He says teasingly, following my eyes to my arms.

“You’ve kissed me enough for one day.” I growl.

“Of course, of course.” He smiles. “My lover is quite a jealous woman- anyway. I’ve told her about you of course… but she doesn’t necessarily like it. If it did come to me raping you- she’d be very cross with me.”

So ... he’s probably not going to do it.

I have to admit that some of the pressure is less now.

“I don’t have to at any rate.” He says. “That’s already been done for me. I just have to resubmit you to the pain…. that’s it. A little flex of my mind and you’re suffering. It’s a terribly useful power.”

“It must be. To have been invented.” I snarl.

“Yes,” He smirks. “I invented my powers. We can’t all win the genetic lottery.”

“How did you make them think you killed Johnny and Warren?” I demand. “Did that come from your lab too?”

He nods. “I abducted them from the rubble and hastily cloned them and dismembered the clones. Filled the originals with the finest healing materials I had at my disposal. It was touch and go for a while.”

The blood... was actually their blood. 

"So the blood at the summit..." 

"Johnny was caught under rubble." He recalls. "He was not shot. I think he was in the air when the ceiling collapsed. The blood on the wall was from his arm being torn apart when I tried to move him. Warren, now that one was hard to get. Those idiots shot him through the chest. Hit nearly every internal organ. There was barely enough left to clone, let alone heal." 

"Why them?" I demand. 

He smiles. "They were the only ones left after the hero's first sweep of the room." He adds cheerfully, "So I took them home, patched them up, and cloned them. Then, later that night, snuck back to the capital  and deposited the dismembered clones." 

Dismembered…. Clones.

Like, Laura.

Clones.

Knowing her like I do… I can’t feel heartless about them.

“Oh don’t look so cross. They were nothing like your little sister.” He smiles radiantly. “They were mindless.”

“Why would you go the through the trouble?”

He raises an eyebrow. “So they’d have bodies and not come looking.” He rolls his eyes. “Johnny, however, managed to use the psy-link I link my experiments to myself with against me. He got ahold of you. And apparently you were crazy enough to not have accepted his fate.”

We’re silent.

“You love him.” He says into the silence. “I respect that- honestly I do. I want you to know that upfront. Love is something special. It has no place in science or politics though. I will not be swayed by it... but I do respect it.”

“Let me go.” I try to sound as serious as I can.

He caresses my face. “Your voice tremored.” He smiles. “This must be very frightening for you… but do try to save some of that up for Johnny- won’t you? Being scared in front of me in redundant. Save it for when we’re with lover boy.”

My head is pounding now.

There’s a sadness that refuses to leave. It overpowers all other emotions.

Johnny… here in this very building.

And I can’t get to him.

“Well… since there’s got to be a cooling period for my powers,” The boss says, clapping his hands together, “And you’re not going anywhere, I suppose I’ll go spend some time with the missus.”

“You can do this to us... and then go see your wife?”

He smiles. “I separate work from home very easily.”

This… “This isn’t your room? “I don’t know why that strikes me as odd.

He shakes his head. “Well… yes and no. It’s one of hers. She very graciously offered you the room furthest away from our own room. To be honest I think she’s a little jealous of you.”

“She’s never met me.”

The boss sighs. “And let’s keep it that way- shall we?” He looks around. “Right. I’ve got to get you that pot…. try not to miss. I understand your anger and fear at your predicament… but this is a ladies’ room. Let’s show it some respect- yea?”

I don’t know why… but it seems to me that the wife is another victim in all of this.

So…. pissing on her floor seems like a bad idea.

I nod, feeling numb.

“Very good.” The man smiles. “I’ll be back when my powers have rested.” He turns around and stops. “So you don’t wrack your little brain as to when that is- it’ll be about two hours from now. Can you wait for me that long dear?”

To that I say nothing.

He just smirks. “Alright then. Two hours.”

Two hours.

‘in one hour you must speak’ comes to mind. Laura’s not here this time…. I’ve got to figure this out on my own.

But I’m not good on my own. I’ve already established this.

Johnny needs me to be good though. He needs me to fight through everything and be there for him… like he is for me.

I have to.

Looking around the room and thinking on our situation- I know I have no choice.

I have to do this. No one else will get us out…

There is no other option.

I will save him or I will die. Like he did for me.

I have to do this.


	25. Down

Johnny is a very brave man- very heroic. I’m not denying that.

There are some things, however, that he does not handle well.

Particularly certain types of pain.  
Even more particularly- needles.

He always admires my tattoo so naturally, I asked why he didn’t get one himself.  
He danced around the question for a bit in true Johnny style before admitting to me that he didn’t like needles.

So needles. Johnny doesn’t like needles.

He’s a baby when his stomach is upset. He hates puking. In fact- everyone around him hates when he pukes.

So poison. He’d not do well with poison.

He’s okay with water but naturally using a codename that has ‘torch’ in it… water and he are never quite on a completely ‘friendly’ basis.

Needles, poison, and water. Three things I can think of that could be used against him.

What if he’s stabbed? Poisoned? Drowned?

What If I can’t help him?

What if I have to watch from the sidelines?

How could this man claim to have ‘respect’ for our relationship and then turn around and use it against Johnny?

At this rate, I’m not in any real position to help him.

My head… it didn’t settle back right after The Boss’ interference.

I’ve devoted every spare thought to Johnny…. how to help him. How to save him.

… But it’s firmly settled on what could be used against him.

He was bleeding. He smelled like blood and death. There was no mistaking that.

What has been done to him?

How has he managed to stay this strong through all of this?

And the main question I have… how will I throw a wrench into his heroics?

I fucked up. There’s no denying that. I fucked up.

I always fuck up.

I will always fuck up.

It’s what I do apparently.

‘whine, whine, whine. bitch, bitch, bitch.’ Shifter sighs. ‘listen to you. ‘i’m a fuck up.’ you are. now you know you are. so end it. tell the boss that the only way to make johnny boy do what he wants is to kill you.’

Shifter wants me dead.

I want me dead.

Johnny probably wants me dead.

I wish I was.

‘then by all means pull the trigger.’ Master snarls. ‘the anticipation is just killing me.’

‘look at the useless infant.’ one of the nameless ones adds in.

‘he can’t even aid in his own destruction.’ Another.

‘are you enjoying your peanut gallery mongrel? is it enough to convince you that you’re not welcome on this plane?’ Shifter sounds almost cheerful.

‘or any other plane for that matter.’ The nameless one adds.

I can imagine them circling like me. Like I’m back into the dark my mind retreats to when it goes ‘catatonic’. The ultimate blackout. Weeks and weeks of entrapment in my own mind.

Johnny waited on me hand and foot when it happened in our old house in the city. I remember bits and pieces.

A doctor met with me daily- so I’m told- and Johnny fed, bathed, and clothed me. I don’t remember how long it lasted… but I’ll never forget his face when I ‘woke up’. Like the first time it happened back in the Baxter Building. So… soft. Guiding almost. Helping me back into reality one small step at a time.

He… waits.

Always waits.

He doesn’t even know if I’ll come back- but he waits.

Like he told me he would. In my whole time of knowing him, our friendship before hand, our relationship- Johnny has never broken a promise. He never lies. He’s honest. He’s good. He cares so deeply for me that I am speechless at times.

And I care for him. More so than I can ever put into words. Telling him ‘I love you’ isn’t adequate. I almost never say it. Because what I’m feeling- it’s too strong for ‘love’. It’s a level above it. Like my world doesn’t spin in the same rotation without him. Everyone else moves… and I just go still.

He’s the first person I see in the morning.

In all his ‘glory’.

He goes to bed with wet hair routinely. So when he wakes up in the morning it’s really something to see.

He’s grown it out recently.

I don’t know how to describe it. It’s a little ‘edgy’. More playboy meets grown up than ‘good boy’.

He was young when he got his powers. He’s told me that. He’s been in the media for a while.  
But he never forces that on me. He’s kindly asked the press not to bother me. And he enforces that.

Occasionally he takes me out. Because Johnny likes to go on dates. And I like Johnny to be happy. He calls ahead and makes sure that a) we have a spot and b) stresses that no press should be informed of his intentions.

There’s always the people that recognize him of course, but he politely shoos them away.

I love him with such a passion…

I can’t hurt him.

I can’t stand the idea of him being hurt.

Thinking of him down in that dungeon is nerve wrecking.

This entire train of thought is heartbreaking.

I don’t know whether to be mad… or frightened… or sad. Nothing makes sense- my emotions are all mixed up.

They jumble up and tangle and mix until all I can do is tremble and vomit.

In my internal confusion, I’ve lost track of time.

I’m sure it’s been more than two hours… but the boss hasn’t turned back up. Maybe he doesn’t intend to at all.

Rolling onto my side, I examine the chain. Against my better judgment, I extend my claws again.

There’s a bright flash of pain as another piece tumbles onto the bed.

Right. The serum. They’re not healing.

The large door makes a small whirring sound a second before it opens up.

The “Boss” the man who’s about my father’s height now that I look at him- walks into the room dressed in a red robe. His feet are bare and the lights catch off his balding Head. This is the first time I’ve really looked at him.

To be accurate he looks very much like some sort of rat man. Pale… somewhat beady dark eyes.

Rat man.

“So sorry to keep you waiting.” The says in a pleasant manner. “The missus and I had a little argument.”

I’m not sorry for that. I’m not sorry at all.

“About you- actually.” He says, walking further into the room.

“How shocking.” I’m surprised that my voice sounds steady.

“She’s just so jealous.” He puts a hand over his mouth. “I’m sorry- I really am. I’m afraid this will affect you very negatively.”

Fine. That’s fine. As long as Johnny’s fine…  
“She wants you out of her room.” He continues, stopping a few feet from the bed. “I’m thinking we can reach a compromise.”

“… I’ll stay in the dungeons then?" I offer. In chains still… but I’ll be closer to him.

“That’s not much of a compromise.” He says with a chuckle. “See… you can’t be anywhere near Johnny. I need his little imagination to run wild.”

“Oh.”

He nods. “But… we have different cells. I could accomplish what I wanted if I were to work your mind into a certain state and then stick you in there.”

“Try it.” I hiss.

He smiles. “Be brave all you want. We both know what my last little intrusion did.”

“No, we don’t.” I sneer.

“Yes,” He chuckles, stepping closer to the bed and pointing to the bottom left corner of the high post. “We do.”

Hanging in the corner of the four posts that make up the bed is a small device. I’m not sure exactly what it does- but I do know that it has a lens.

“It’s a camera.” He clarifies. “I couldn't very well just leave you alone now could I?”

“Wonderful.” I grouse.

He just stares at me. “I have to do as the wife commands.” He says. “And she isn’t happy with you.”

“What did I do to her?” I'm confused. Unless she was the woman in the bathing room- I've yet to see a woman in my time here. 

What on earth could this woman want with me?

I literally just got here.

“I kissed you.” He says gently. “My dear- I've kissed you several times. And like I mentioned before- my wife is a jealous woman.”

“So what- you’re going to torture me?”

He taps a finger to his temple. “Just mentally. Physically you’re not to be touched tonight.”

Thanks for that. It’s not my physical body that I’m worried about.

Sure the arms and the claws hurt. That’s all fine and well.

This pain is somewhat minor over what I’ve felt before at the hands of men a lot larger than him.

He knows, though. He knows that my mentality is a major soft spot in my being. A wound that I can’t close no matter how hard I try.

He walks to me finally and puts a hand on my face. “For the record, the brain bit was Thea’s idea. Not mine.” He sighs as his hand starts to get hot. “The things I do for that woman.”

Instead of pain or spinning- everything goes black.

There’s a distinct, “That’s odd.” Before everything fades away.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

I’ve been screaming for hours and I can’t remember why.

Why?

Why?

Where am I?

Why… why can’t I move?

My arms won’t cooperate… the dirt wall inches from my face cannot be clawed out. I back up from it only to run into one behind me.

I’m surrounded by dirt walls on all sides. The hole could fit maybe two of me- at maximum.

Above me is a small ring of light.

If my arms would work, I might be able to scale the wall.

As is- I scream.

Right.

I’m being buried. That’s why I’m screaming!

There are so many people down here! I’m so pressed for air.

How are they all here?

How can I even see them in the darkness?

 I’m suffocating… I’m suffocating. The walls are pressing in.

Dying! They’re going to suffocate me underground!  
‘scream baby. one more time.’ The man beside me whispers.

Shifter. That’s shifter.

In… the flesh.

‘lemme hear those pretty words.’

He’s too close.

I can’t breathe!

I frantically back away from him, only to run into the wall.

No… no...  
This can’t be happening.

Buried. I’m buried.

Another scream… wordless. Pointless.

Shifter likes them, though.

‘that’s right.’ He says, hands on my shoulders.

I back into a blur of black. Shapeless. In the center are a pair of floating teeth.

‘what are you looking at?’ It demands. It’s a voice I haven’t heard before.

Moving away from it puts me back by Shifter.

The light above me begins to fade… away… away... gone.

I’m left in this swarm of intangible people.

This… can’t be happening.

This isn’t real.

Where am I?

Where…. am I?

Who are these people?

How far underground….

No, no no…. I can’t breathe. I can’t… I can’t breathe!

I can’t move my arms… I can’t release my claws.

NO!

I can’t... I’m dying.

No... no!

Johnny is here! I will not die without seeing him!

‘you’ve already seen him.’ Another new voice. ‘pretty boy’.

I try moving in the dark, but run into one of the walls.

I’m pushed back from that one and stumble backwards into the one behind me.

NO…

NO...

My scream gets caught.

NO… this isn’t happening.

This isn’t…

Please... help.

But who’s going to help me?

Who would ever want to?

Logan spent years helping me. I shot him down at every attempt.

When I was upset about the shock therapy, I didn’t even want him in the room.

It’s strange that I’m thinking about all of this now.

At the end.

I can’t do this.

I’m going to die.

I can’t even be brave in the face of death.

I want to cry. I want to scream.

I feel so unbelievably sick to my stomach.

Terror overtakes me as the floor starts to move. Something runs over my bare feet… something with claws.

What’s down here???

I can’t… I’m going to black out.

I can’t breathe.

I can’t…

Breathe…  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“All your doing.”

More voices.

I’ve heard so many over the last … how long have I been here?

God… It’s so dark.

I see these horrible images in my head of what’s down here with me. Even in the dark, I see them.

“Let me see him.” This voice is frantic.

“Wasn’t hearing him enough for you? Didn’t you feel so connected last night?”

I curl tighter into myself.

"I mean through those vents... you heard everything." 

Vents? 

"Let me see him." The voice demands. 

"Did you like the gagging bit or the crying bit? I think the gasping for air was my favorite." 

I have to stay small. 

If I’m less mass, there’s a lower chance of any of these creatures touching me. I’m putting all my faith into the fact that they probably can’t see in the dark. Therefore, If I’m small and silent- they won’t see me.

“Let me see him.” The second voice begs again, none the less frantic.

The dark is pierced by a ring of a light. It’s About twelve feet above my head. I’m curled on the floor, though. I’m sure if I were to stand up it would be closer.

Two silhouettes are standing in the glow.

“There.” One of them points. I doubt they see me.

Be small.Be small. Be invisible.

Nothing can hurt me if I’m invisible.

“Oh god.” It gasps. “How long has he… Daken? Are you okay? Honey- “

“He had a lovely time.” The boss interrupts. “Didn’t you?”

I can’t respond.

“Come now- tell me you’ve had a great time.”

“I can’t...move.” I settle for.

“He can’t…. why can’t he move? What did you do?”

The first voice chuckles. “There’s not enough space for him to move around much. See? Nice and cramped down there.”

“Get him out.” This is breathless. “Oh god.”

“Look who’s making demands.” I’m guessing that’s the boss. “No with the nature of my powers- the closer I get to him- the worse it gets. For Daken- that hole is the best place for him to be. “

“Let me get him out.” Johnny pleads. “Please. Let me get him out.”

“Mmmm…. No.” The boss says.

“What??” Johnny sounds heartbroken. “No- you can’t leave him in there.”

I wish I could see them.

 “Let’s talk about our deal.”

“No.” Johnny sounds weak. “No. I can’t. Please- I can’t.”

The Boss chuckles. “And how are you Daken? What do you think? Tell Johnny your opinions on whether or not he should make this deal.”

“D..eal?”

Deal?

‘think dumb ass.’ A relatively new voice hisses.

“Johnny’s deal with me, darling. The one that would let you all go home?”

Home… oh, home.

“Home?” That sounds so nice.

“Save your energy, honey,” Johnny says. “You don’t have to answer any of his questions.”

“One-word answers.” The boss says cheerfully. “I pushed him very hard Johnny.”

“Johnny?” I feel like he needs to know I’m down here...

Wait…

I run my fingers in the dirt underneath me.

Try to remember.

Try to think past the panic.

But… Johnny.

He’s here.

He’s right there.

My arms refuse to work right. I work through the pain and get my right one to the dirt wall. My fingers search for a hold, but all they come up with is loose dirt.

“That hole isn’t that big Johnny. Men have gone mad in spaces that small… and he’s already mad. Think of what it’s doing to him.” The boss says. “Do both of you a favor and make the deal.”

No.

Johnny can’t.

I know he can’t.

“Don’t.” I hope he hears. “No deal.” Try again. Wall. Fingers.

Dig in, and climb up.

You have to.

You have to.

Dig in and climb up.

My other arm won’t move well either- it’s fingers pull more dirt.

I stand to my feet and look up.

If I were to jump I still wouldn’t reach the hole.

How does he intend to get me out of here??

The Boss exhales in a huff. “Really? Really? All of that screaming and you can still tell me ‘no’?”

I’m… stronger than I think I am. That’s what Johnny said.

“Then you’ll stay in there until you and Johnny can come to my way of thinking.” He turns his head in my direction. “And I’ll hit you with a little more juice.”

The black masses start to crowd the hole again.

God... no.

I should have said ‘yes’. Johnny needs to say ‘yes’.

“And you,” The man turns his head back. “I will bring you back here twice a day every day until you agree to my terms.”

I don’t mean for it too, but a groan escapes my lips. I cup my head again. I can’t stand to see that light go out again.

“Daken-” Johnny gasps. “NO! Wait!” The light stops disappearing. “Wait.” He sounds broken again.

“For what – Mr. Storm? What am I waiting for?”

“Please- don’t.”

“That’s not how this works. “the man chides. “This is a bargain. I have things you want- you have things I want. Let’s trade.”

“I really can’t.” It’s a whisper. “All those innocent people-“

“You wouldn’t see the aftermath.” The boss says lowly. “You’d be back home with your lovely little lunatic. Curled up somewhere nice and cozy.”

“I can’t do that to an entire civilization.” He says.

“Who says the civilization is where it needs to be in the hands of the government anyway? Who says my militia wouldn’t rule it better?”

“Men like you do not rule.” Johnny actually spits on him. “They oppress.”

“Five dollar words there Storm.” The boss taunts. “Fine. You keep your pride. Keep your honor.” He turns back in my direction. “I keep lover boy. Mine to do with as I see fit… and ya know? I think you’ve helped him come a long way in his ‘recovery’. My people know a lot about his illness. I can put him back and square one. By the time you come to terms with me it’ll be too late.” The man grabs Johnny by something attached to his neck. “My bargain is this- Storm. Allow me to use you for one tiny little siege and I will let you take your broken toy home. Coddle him, fuck him, spin him around leave him in a ditch- whatever. You can have him. I’ll let you sleep on it. I,” He points to himself, “However am going to be working on Loverboy. By the end of three days- he won’t even know who you are.”

No… No, He can’t.

I would never forget Johnny! No amount of pain would make me forget… none. I’d hold on to him more dearly than any other person I possibly could in my entire life.

“Three days.” The man growls. “I’ll not play your little game anymore.”

The circle of light disappears.

‘three days’. Shifter hisses. ‘three days’.

Three days.

I lean over and puke in front of me. I’ve got remember that it’s all over in that general direction.

The darkness presses in with waves of fear.

This is the furthest thing from helpful.

I am so far off of the ‘helpful scale’ that I may as well not have even come at all.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Hello, my dear.”

The light shining on my face is terribly bright.

The insects I see on my body don’t seem deterred by it.

“I figured we could use my little visits to help you gain information. Facts- if you will. Let me give you your facts for this visit.” Boss says from overhead. “One- and this one’s important- you cannot escape this hole. The door is locked up here you see- so even if you did manage to climb up- you still couldn’t get out. Do you understand?”

Bugs.

All over me.

All over the floor.

In my skin. In my hair.

Burrowing into my face.

“Respond.”

Everywhere.

The shadow person next to me runs a hand over my ankle. This one is from the dark place. The place my mind goes when I’m catatonic.

“Daken- respond.” The voice holds an edge of annoyance to it.

If I open my mouth surely one of these insects will get in. So no. No, I can’t respond to him.

The man moves away from the door, coming back a second later.

There’s a soft ‘whoosh’. About three seconds later a scolding hot liquid drenches me.

“Respond.” He says authoritatively. “Do you understand?”

“Yes!” My skin isn't healing and whatever the liquid on me is sticking to me- constantly burning.

“Wonderful.” He drawls, putting his bucket down. “Moving on. Your second fact is that your little ‘misfires’ in your head will continue to worsen by the hour. Do you understand?”

“Yes.” I’m burnt. I’m confused. I don’t know what else to say.

“You’re a fast learner.” The boss claps his hands. “Excellent. Your third fact that is of the utmost importance is that your ‘Lover’ who really cares nothing about you, has sent you here. He could end it at any moment- and he doesn’t. Your fourth fact is that Johnny actually enjoys seeing you suffer. He laughs at you behind your back. Your fifth fact is that you’re an inconvenience to everyone around you. Johnny wants nothing more than to see you dead.”

No... No. I know that’s not true.

“Agree with me or I’ll burn you again.” He warns.

But I don’t agree. Those are awful lies he’s saying about Johnny.

“You’re a liar.” I say, hoping he won’t hear me.

“I’m a lair with unlimited supplies of acidic liquid.” That’s why it clings to me when it burns. “Agree with me or you will continue to suffer.”

We sit in tense silence.

“Fine.” He huffs, tossing another bucket.

The delay of the pain makes this worse.

“Will you accept my facts now?”

We’re silent again.

My skin bubbles and peels. The burns are easily past second-degree now- if not third.

“I have something to neutralize the acid up here.” He taunts. “Agree with me.”

I can’t. I can’t betray Johnny. I can’t let this man fuck up his good name.

“NO.” I grit my teeth. “NO.”

“So be it.” The man above me hisses. “I’ll be back in an hour. Think on those facts I gave you. I’ll have you recite them for me before the day is out.”

24 hours in a day. The torment worsens by the hour. Three-day time limit.

That’s 72 different levels of torment.

Can I last 72 hours?

The liquid clings to me like gel… goo. Something unpleasant.

The bugs burrow through it- not burnt. Not stopping.

The duel sensations are enough to drive anyone mad.

I rake my burnt fingers through the liquid- scooping it off as best I can, burning myself to the bone in the process.

I can’t see any more. All I can do is listen to the various noises in my head and burn- alone in the dark.

Johnny can’t do what he says.

He can’t.

I have to... wait it out.

Yes. Wait it out.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
‘useless little mongrel. what are we doing today?’

Today? We are sleeping.

Trying to sleep.

The voices in my head are blaring.

Ordering me to kill myself.

My claws are back. Full grown.

I rake them down my skin.

In the cramped space, I impale my organs. Shred my muscles.

There is no relief.

The floor of the pit is now decorated with my blood.

‘try again now.’ Master instructs. "you’re not doing it right.’

I inhale deeply and shove my claws through my stomach.

The boss saw this when he last bothered me.

I couldn’t take it anymore.

I don’t want to be here.

I don’t want to be at home.

I don’t want to be anywhere.

I just want to die. That’s it. I’m trying to die down here.

The door over the hole rattles fiercely.

“Daken?” Johnny’s voice is muffled. “Hold on alright? I’m going to get you out of there!”

The door rattles some more.

“Johnny?”

There’s a small noise- a whoosh, and the smell of intense heat. The door glows for a second. The heat creeps down into the hole unnaturally quick.

I start sweating within moments.

“Johnny!”

He can’t hear me over his own flames.

“Johnny Please!”

The heat increases.

He’s going to roast me.

“Johnny!!!!”

The flames stop.

“Daken?”

My eyes uselessly fly open to the dark.

“You’re going to burn me!”

“Burn... oh god- I’m so sorry.” His voice presses closer to the door. “Are you okay?”

I look to where his voice is coming from. “I don’t know.” I answer honestly.

“How far down are you?” He questions.

I look hopelessly around. “I can’t see.”

“Fuck. Just relax- okay? Try to relax. I’ll figure something out. I’ll- “

“Now, now Mr. Storm.” The Boss interjects. “When I let you out of the dungeon you were supposed to go to the war room. Not the pit.”

“Let him out,” Johnny growls. “Or I will roast you.”

“’Roast me’ and you’ll never see him again.” The man counters. There’s a sudden knock on the door. “Did you try blasting this?” He questions. “It’s still hot- so obviously you did.” He makes a humming noise. “We ought to cool this down- don’t you think?”

“What are you doing?” This is muffled. He’s pushed Johnny away from the door.

“The pit is hot. We need to open the door and cool it down.” They open the door, blasting me with light. The Boss chuckles. “Why- you’re all bloody.” He says in mock awe. “However did that happen?”

“Bloody? What did you do to him!?” Johnny demands.

“He did that to himself.” The man cocks his head. “He could stand a washing, though.”

Washing? That means he’d have to take me out of the hole. That means I could use my claws to stab him. That means I can be helpful again.

“Would you like a bath dear?” he calls down.

“What trick is this?” Johnny growls.

“No trick. I’m sure he smells awful.” The man disappears a second before returning with a large hose.

“What are you doing?” I call up.

“You’ll see.” He does something and the hose starts gushing.

The very second it does, water starts to seep up from the floor as well.

“What is this??” The hole is filling up quickly.

“Stop it.” Johnny says quickly. “Stop!”

Buried and drowning.

This is just a string of nightmares.

“Johnny!”

“Make the deal Storm.” The Boss growls.

The water is up to my knees.

“Let him out!” Johnny counters.

“The deal?” The water starts to rise faster.

Thighs. Stomach.

It’s at my chest in a matter of seconds.

Everyone is quiet.

I’m locked in an intense panic.

“Johnny-” I whisper. “Oh god.” The water continues to rise. I’m about a minute away from having to tread water.

Suddenly there’s a splash beside me. and my face is pushed into the wall by an unknown mass.

Everyone is quiet.

My panic is overtaken by shock.

The Boss stammers -speechless. He’s now standing up at the door by himself.

My shoulder hurts from the mass of-

“Storm!” The Boss growls. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing??”

A triumphant, “Improvising!” Comes from very close to my ear.

I turn my head to look over my shoulder.

“So…” Johnny says gently, and I just know he’s smirking. “I panicked.”

A lot of things come to mind.

Like how the water is still rising… or how this hole was barely big enough for me… and now it’s got another grown man in it.

But all that comes out is a laugh. Small at first and then hysterical.

“Shh.” Johnny’s hand moves underneath me. He maneuvers us until we’re chest to chest. “It’s okay.”

“This is not ‘okay’ Johnny.” I snicker. “This is the opposite of ‘okay’.”

“I panicked.” He repeats.

The water suddenly stops rising.

It’s up to my chin.

Everyone is silent until Johnny exhales a little loudly. “This water is cold.” He says.

“Storm- get up here.” The Boss demands.

“I’m stuck.” Johnny replies. His hands grasp my lower back. he uses his body to help push me more out of the water. “Are you cold honey?”

“Storm- “

“You’re shivering.” Johnny continues to ignore him.

“Johnny!" The Boss snaps. “Come back up here you coward!”

“Let me heat it up a little.” Johnny says to me. He winks, head turned away from The Boss, mouthing, ‘I got this’.

I can’t help but smile.

“Argh!!” The Boss growls. “This is ridiculous.”

Johnny’s right hand is on my face. “It’s okay.” he says gently. “I’ve got this completely under control.”

“No, you don’t.” I can’t help but admit that it’s a laugh.

“You think this childish display of ….” The Boss stumbles for words. “Childishness- is going to sway me? You will come back up here and you will lay waste to the capital. Or so help me-“

“You’ve got blood on your cheek,” Johnny says. “Let me get that off for you.”

“You will listen to me Storm.” The Boss growls.

“I’m listening,” Johnny says after a few seconds of rubbing the blood off my face. “Much better.”

“Then come up here.” The man demands.

Johnny shakes his head. “Nah. I like it down here.”

“You…. “The Boss stammers. “You like it.” He shakes his head. “In the pit.”

“Yes.” Johnny nods. “I do. And you won’t be able to drown Daken anymore because you need me. So yes. I like it in the pit. No, I’m not coming up. And…” he winks at me again. “You can piss off anytime you’re ready.”

“Fine! You want to stay in the hole- stay in the hole.” The Boss growls. “But don’t count this as a win. I’ve got a dozen ways to make you comply.”

He starts to close the door-

Something must show on my face because Johnny leans forward and kisses me. “You don’t like the dark.” He assesses.

“Good.” The boss sneers. “Enjoy your time with him. He won’t be coherent for very long.”

The last thing I see is Johnny’s angry face. Angry at that comment. “Don’t listen to him.” He says. “You can fight through this. I know you can.”

The dark starts to close in around me. Again.

Having Johnny here is helpful… but it’s not stopping the sensation.

“It smells like dirt.” Johnny notes, breaking the quiet.

“It’s a grave.” I say as quietly as I can manage.

“He’s been locking you in-“

“A grave.” I press. “This is a grave."

“It’s not a grave.” Johnny tries. “You’re not being buried- okay?”

Poor Johnny. He doesn’t know what’s going to happen. I do. Of course, I do. I always do. “And now we’re going to drown.” I need to prepare him for this. He needs to know.

Johnny is the only person in the world that knows why this is a horrible thing in my mind.

“We’re not going to drown.” He promises. “Here,” Water displaces as limbs awkwardly knock into each other. Johnny picks me up a little more. “Put your back against the wall,” he instructs, “And I’ll hold you above water.”

“I’m drowning.” I start to push away from him, desperately grabbing the wall.

Water floods by mouth and nose. I sputter and cough, gasping for air.

“Honey!” Johnny grabs me and pushes me up the wall, away from the water. “Calm down.” He says once he’s got my attention. “You’re not going to drown.”

“But-“

“You are not going to drown.” Johnny repeats. “I am not going to drown. We’re going to be fine.”

“Johnny please you don’t-“

“We’re fine.” He says quieter. “I need to lower you now, okay? Keep your back to the wall and we’ll have a little more leverage to keep your mouth out of the water- okay? I’m a bit taller than you, it’s not affecting me as badly.”

Johnny puts his hand- I’m guessing- on my shoulder. Massaging it.

“I’m going to lower you.” He warns. “Don’t thrash.”

We’re silent for a second. Listening to each other breathe.

“Daken,” He says, “We’ve got to get a handle on your emotional state.”

‘We’ve’. Not ‘You’. ‘We’.

“I know you’re upset. I know this is horrible for you- trust me. I’d do anything to make it better… but it’s going to get worse. And we need to come up with a plan for when it does.”

“…. Like what?”

“When you’re upset, you believe horrible things,” Johnny says. “He’s going to use that. So let me tell you up front; Laura and Warren are fine, I love you, no one wants you dead, this is your reality, and everyone cares about you very deeply.” He pauses before adding, “You are not on your own. You have us. And we will all make it out of here alive- okay?”

“What happens next?” I question.

Johnny hums. “I haven’t thought about it yet.”

“You jumped into a pit-“

“You were going to drown. I panicked.” He says gently. “Whatever happens next- at least we’ll be together.”

Jumping blindly into a pit would be Johnny’s style.

‘now you can die together.’

That intense panic is back.

“You tensed up.” He comments. “Are you okay?”

“We’re going to die. Now you’re going to die. I’m going to have to watch you die.” My words are tripping over each other. I sound shell shocked.

“No, no, no.” He shushes. “I’m not going to die!”

He smells like blood.

I run my hand over his chest and he hisses.

“You’re bleeding.” It’s weak.

“They roughed me up pretty good.”

“Have your wounds been treated?”

He sighs. “Laura took a look at them. She says they’ll be fine.”

“We’re going to die here.” I feel like death already.

There’s too much water.

There’s too little space.

I can’t…

I can’t breathe.

I can’t –

 “Hey-” He says gently. “Hey- you’re okay now. I’m okay now. And in a sense, while we’re down here- we’re the safest we can be.”

My head spins a little and I rest it against his forehead. “I can’t breathe.” I gasp.

“You can breathe fine.” He assures. “Deep breath in.” he nudges my chest. “Come on- deep breath.”

Feeling ridiculous like I do every time we do this, I follow his command.

“Good. Hold it for ten seconds.”

Ten seconds.

In a room full of water, he wants me to hold my breath.

Ten seconds.

“Exhale.” He says happily. “did that help?”  
“.. Yes.” I lie.

I can feel his head move. “Liar.” He says gently. “When we get home you and I are going to go straight to bed. You know that? We’ll lay down for days. And I’m going to eat the greasiest, most disgusting thing I can think of.”

“Logan’s cafeteria food then?” I ask weakly.

“Ah ha. You’ve got jokes now.” He would be smiling.

My body starts to shake and it’s not from the water- which I’m sure he’s heating up.

“We’re never going home.” I say quietly.

“We are going home.” Johnny corrects. “We’re going home and we’re going to bed.” He fumbles around in the water until he’s retrieved my hand. He kisses the knuckles. “Did your claws grow back?” He questions.

“Yes.”

“Good.” He says. “Don’t be afraid to use them… I know last time we escape-” He stops “I know you’ll do fine.”

Last time we tried to escape somewhere I was helpless.

This time…

“You’re trembling again.” He comments.

“No meds…” I explain.

“And he’s fucking with you.” He says in almost a growl. “Just keep talking to me okay? I’ll talk you through everything.”

“I’m so tired.” I admit.

“You probably haven’t slept yet.” He responds. “I know it’s probably not possible- but I’ll hold you up so you can sleep- alright? I’ll watch over you and make sure you don’t drown.” He’s silent for a second before humming to himself. “It’s boring down here.”

“Not for me.” I sound very frustrated to my own ears. I didn’t mean to come across that way.

“What’s gotten worse?” He asks quietly. “Say it quiet- I don’t know if this place is bugged.”

“Hallucinations.”

“Right. And mood?”

Mood?

“Eh-“

“Not good.” He says gently. “You’ve been down here hurting yourself.”

“He told me to.” I explain.

“Yea?”

“Johnny there are more.” I’m glad it’s dark. He can’t see that there are tears in my eyes.

“More?”

“New ones.” I explain.

“Probably just a side effect of-“

“When people mess with my mind- I get new ones.”

Johnny’s quiet for a second. “Don’t worry honey. We’ll deal with that when the time comes. Just …”

“Calm down?” I laugh bitterly.

“Re-” he stops. “Take it easy.” He settles for.

We’re silent again.

“I can’t believe you jumped head first into a pit.” I sigh.

“For you babe?” He says weakly. “I’d jump head first into the abyss.”

I lean further into him. “You might have done just that.”

The water warms up a little. “Maybe.” He says gently. “But if that means holding you again- even if it’s for the last time,” He awkwardly kisses me in the dark. “It’s worth it.”


	26. Before my eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very upsetting material in this chapter. I can't say much without spoiling it- but be warned.  
> Thanks for reading!

“I’m thinking of a way out.” He whispers. “Just one single thought to get us out of this mess and home.” He’s rambling. “Just one little thought…” I sag against him, trying my best to listen. “And you’re just gonna relax right there,” He continues, all in my ear. “And we’re gonna think of a plot and get out of here.”

“Jo-“

“Already thinking on it.” He continues. “And… well… thinking.”

“It’s so loud.” I whimper.

He kisses my head. “We’re going to drown that out-” Johnny hisses, “Not drown. Not drown honey- definitely not drowning.”

My head is a mess. Johnny and  I haven’t been able to hold a complete conversation for hours. So he talks ‘us’ through things. Mainly talking to himself in a charming and ‘cute’ way so as not to let on to the fact that we’re both waterlogged and very much not in a safe position.

In the last thirty minutes or so the conversation seems to have gotten better. 

Johnny said it was me 'waking up'. He sounded happy about it. 

In reality, I just want to make sure he's still with me. I need to talk to him so he can confirm his liveliness to me. 

“Not drowning at all.” He says, voice chipper. He displaces some water in front of me.

“Ow!” His elbow makes contact with my head.

“Sorry honey.” He says quickly. “Trying to find the wall.”

“It’s dirt. It’s all dirt. God! We’re buried. We’re buried underground and we’re going to stay buried. We’re losing air- we’re-“

“We’re not losing air.” Johnny corrects. “See? We’ve been in here for like a day. That door hasn’t opened and we haven’t even been short of breath. We can breathe fine.”

I’m so tired.

“No, no, no.” He says quickly, hand on my chest. “Don’t lean forward- you’ll get a face full of water.”

‘drowning. like the stray little mongrel you are.’

“God.”

“Tune it out.” Johnny messes with the wall some more. “We’re going to tune it all out while I think of a plan.” He hums to himself again. “And you’re just going to lean back.” I can’t do this anymore. I can’t- we should be dead. I should be dead. This prolonged sense of doom is killing me.

“Johnny-“

“No, no, no.” He says again. “No, no. We’re not upset. No one is upset.” His hand fumbles until it finds my face. “Let’s not be upset.”

“That voice isn’t working.” I groan.

“Back to the wall.” He says ever so calmly. “Back to the wall and hand on my shoulder… and we’ll be fine.”

“We can’t spend another day down here.”

“And we won’t.” He says cheerfully. “My brilliant mind will have…” He stops, hand pushing on the wall. “… thought of something.”

He goes quiet.

With his constant chatter over the last day, the silence worries me. I lean heavier against him to make sure he’s there.

“Johnny?” My voice cracks.

“Still here.” He says quickly. “I just... thought of something.”

“Oh?” I ask nervously.

“The pit filled up with water from the bottom…. “

“And?”

“And,” he says in a tone that suggests he’s working through this himself as he’s saying it, “They use this pit for punishment… it’s got to be drained.”

“And?”

‘and? ‘and?’ no thoughts of your own mongrel? johnny can’t get you out. you’re both going to die here. and then you’re going to hell. would you like that?’

“Stop.” I breathe. “Please.”

“Work with me,” He says quickly. “The pit has to be drained. And they totally expected to remove you from here… knowing that you’d be… uh ...”

“Fucked up?”  
He coughs nervously. “Yes. They knew you’d be ‘messed’ up. Therefore, in some sense they knew they’d have to have another way to get you out.”

Ah…

“So… easy access to remove you…. easy –“

“The floors moved.” I say suddenly. “When I was in here the first day. The floors moved under my feet.”

“Okay... okay... honey but you’ve been so-“

“No, no- that was real. I know that it was real. “

Johnny is silent. “Okay. So the floor moved.” He fumbles in the dark, moving the water as he grabs my hand. “Turn around.” He says gently. “Face the wall.”

“I can’t.”

Panic over takes me.

I can’t… I don’t know where I’m going. There’s water everywhere… I can’t...

“I’ll guide you.” He says gently. “Turn… okay…”

“The room is already spinning.” I grouse.

“You just need to make one little circle.” He says, sounding excited. “One little circle. Give me your hand…” He follows my shoulder to my hand and grabs it, placing in on the wall. “You did great.” He praises. “Now... claw into the dirt. See if you can hit anything.”

I extend one claw, feeling the dirt resist and then give way.

We’re silent as it Slowly slides through hard packed dirt.

“I haven’t hit anything.” I say to him finally when it’s fully extended.

His arms push past my head. “I’m going to dig at where your claws are… try not to stab me- okay?”

I feel like an idiot.

“This is stupid.”

“Honey-“

“We’re not getting out.” I grouse. “God. We’re not getting out! We’re going to die.’

‘die. die. die. die you worthless little half-breed.’ I don’t know which one said that.

“It’s a puzzle.” He says in my ear. “Like the one’s Sue made us do- remember? When you were really sick? She made us do puzzles to help occupy you."

Sue's interference. She did that a lot. In retrospect, I see that she was trying to help me. 

  
“Yes, I remember.”

“And your favorite was the one where we had to figure our way out of the locked room- remember?”

“Yes.” I say quietly.

“And you were very good at it.” Johnny continues. “Remember?”

“Yes.” I feel so weak.

“We’re in a hole.” He says, grunting a little has dirt starts to move around my claws. “That has some sort of drain.”

I let him work in silence. I don't have a clue what he's doing. 

“Withdraw your claw,” he says. “I think I got something.”

I pull back, slowly. Trying my best not to hit him. Johnny presses his chest to my back, pressing us closer to the hole. “Here.” He takes my hand and pushes it into a deep hole he’s made in the wall. It’s deep enough to get most of my arm in. “Extend your claws again.”

I push through more dirt until something pushes back.

“Metal.” I say in a guarded tone. What does this mean?

“Metal?” he asks. “How far in?”

“I don’t know.”

“Okay- here,” His hand is back on my shoulder, turning me again. “I think there’s some sort of release thingy at the bottom of the pit.”

“When you’re making plans- don’t say ‘thingy’.” I try to joke. He’d like that. He’s happier when I speak in full sentences and joke with him.

Johnny chuckles. “I’m going to go down there and try to blast it.”

“What if it works like the door?” I question.

“The door?” He sounds confused.

“If it gets too hot and the floor doesn’t give the water will get hot and I’ll boil.”

He exhales. “Right. New Plan.”

“You could fly…” I manage weakly.

“No- igniting would burn the shit out of you. You’d heal… but you wouldn’t like it very much.” He kisses me gently. “We’ll save that one for if we don’t think of anything else. That’s the hail Mary.”

We’re silent.

‘you could just drown.’ Master says almost helpfully.

“We could drown.” I offer. “No more pain.”

“No,” He says firmly. “No honey. We’re not committing suicide. Stop bringing it up- okay? This is the fifth time in the last twenty-four hours. We’re going to get that looked at when we’re out of here.” He pats my arm. “Okay? Promise me you’ll go with me to talk to someone about it.”

“We’re not getting out of here.” I try again. “We should just-“

“Six.” He says. “That makes six.”

We’re quiet again.

He snaps his fingers together. “I got it. This one is gonna take a little more effort… I’m going to lift you up and then you’re going to scale the wall.” He says calmly. “When you’re at the top, start slashing it. Then come back down. Then you lift me up and I’ll blast it.”

“What if it’s still protected?” I ask.

“Why would they put a shield on both sides of the door?” He questions. “They only put the one on the outside so I couldn’t get to you. They never expected me to be down here with you. Why protect it with an energy shield when you don't have any energy based powers?" 

That makes a lot of sense... but I'm still skeptical . “And you’re going to blast it?”

“Right.” He says. He sounds like he'd be grinning. 

“The hole get’s hot really fast.“ I say. 

“Two blasts a turn.” He says quickly. “Only two. Then the door will cool down and you’ll slash it again.” He's excited about his plan. He usually is when he comes up with one. 

“….”

It’s.... not a bad plan.

“You can do this.” He says gently. “I know you can. Will you try? Please? For me.”

I sigh. “Okay.”

“Okay? Great. Now do exactly as I say. Lift your foot.” He orders.

“Left or right?”

There’s some splashing. “Right.”

I lift my right foot but can seem to find his hand. “Johnny?”

Trying and missing gets me a mouth full of water.

“This one.” He taps on my left leg.

“That’s my left foot!” I sputter

“Oh?” he pauses. “Then give me your left foot.”

When we finally work it out, he starts to lift me. Up... up ... up...

“Stop!” My voice shakes.

“You’re almost there.” He says gently. “The door is up there somewhere.”

“I can’t see!” The tightness of the space... the sound of the water below… “Johnny-“

“Breathe honey. Breathe.” He says gently, voice sounding strained as he holds me. “Put your feet on my shoulders.”

“I can’t see your shoulders!”

“Feel it out with your foot.” He continues to lift me.

Right. Calm down. Calm down.

I feel around with my foot until I reach something that might be a shoulder. My head rises another three inches. I run my hands along the wall until I feel wood.

Wood!

“I found it!” Keeping my balance is completely impossible. Johnny wraps his hands around my claves, pushing me forward.

“Great!” Johnny’s voice is even more strained. “Slash the fuck out of it!”  
I put my knuckles flat against the wood before extending both sets of claws and dragging upward.

To my surprise, the wood gives far more easily than expected.

Chips of the door fall backwards into the pit.

I keep going until I can see light.

A lot of light actually.

The door is falling apart around me.

Fire resistant.... but not impenetrable. That or whatever makes the door energy resistant is just on the outside of the door.

I slash until I can see clips of another room.

“Johnny- look!”

The light that’s shining through is blinding. It looks like some sort of storage unit. Boxes and crates litter the floor, all stacked neatly on top of one another.

The hole easily becomes big enough for me to slip through.

“Good job!” Johnny cheers. “Can you get through?”

I push more wood aside.

“Yea- I think I can.”

“Pull yourself up. Once you're clear I’ll fly up.”

 

I don’t know what’s on the other side of this door…

That scares me slightly.

“You can do it.” He encourages.

I grasp the edge of the hole and pull up.

It’s harder than it should be. With my body type I usually don’t have a problem lifting myself. But I feel so water logged right now. My muscles don’t want to comply. I push though it and pull forward. Once I’m up, I flatten myself on my stomach and slide underneath the hole I’ve made in the door.

I’m on the other side of the door for all of three seconds before it’s bursting into a wall of flames.

“Move away.” I step back from the door like he says, and he comes flying through it. Hovering a good three feet off of the storage room floor. “We are going to have to find me another uniform.” He says, smiling. His face is flames… everything… is flames.

He’s brilliant. Beautiful.

“What?” He asks face taking on a look of concern.

“You’re beautiful.” I blurt.

He smiles again. “You’ve been in that hole for too long. Get off the floor- okay? Let’s go find The Boss. I have a few words I want to say to him.” Johnny lowers himself until he’s standing, and offers an extinguished hand to me. “Lemme help you up.” He pulls me to my feet. “There we go. Didn’t I tell you I had a plan?”

Clapping fills the otherwise empty room. “A plan indeed.” The boss comes around a corner. “You think it’s by ‘accident’ that the power dampeners were taken off that door?”

Johnny burns brighter. His heat is more intense. 

“You’re out of the pit.” The boss says smugly

Johnny puts himself between the boss and I.

“And we’re staying out.” He growls.

“Of course, of course. I’m no match for your superior team work.” The Boss’ voice is making my skin crawl. “So am I to conclude that you will not take part of our deal?”

“Yes,” Johnny says confidently. “With no power dampeners on me or him,” He jerks his thumb in my direction, “You have no option but to step down and let us go.”

“You’re right. I can’t make you comply with my wishes. I can, however,” He takes a step forward, “Cut my loses.”

“How so?” Johnny backs up a little.

“Like this.” The boss quickly pulls a gun and fires it three times- he’s standing about 9 feet away  from us. And he fires a gun. A gun. From 9 feet away.

I flinch waiting for the pain… but it doesn’t come.

Instead... Johnny's fire goes out. He slumps to his knees- naked. 

He hates being naked in front of people... why doesn't he stay lit? 

He falls to the ground in slow motion.

There’s this intense buzzing in my ears.

A creeping sensation up my spine.  
The world is losing all color.

With numb hands I lean down to check on Johnny… his head’s bleeding. Why is it bleeding?

I put a hand to it- to stop the bleeding.

The back of his head is leaking something.

Detached – I know that’s the remains of his brain.

Attached I can’t seem to figure out why it’s coming out of Johnny.

Distance. Distance. I need distance. 

“Johnny… get up.” I prod him. "Please." 

The world is in slow motion. 

I look to the man in front of me for an explanation. 

"Johnny... get up." I repeat. 

Johnny doesn't listen. 

"Johnny-" 

The Boss bends down with a gleam of emotion that I can't place. “No honey. He’s not getting up. Why don't you come with me- hmm? You seem a little dazed. Surely you're not worth anything with Johnny gone." He grins wickedly. "You can't do this on your own- you know. It's too much for someone of your... kind."  

Why... something doesn't make sense.   
  
Why would I go with The Boss? 

Why isn't Johnny getting up? 

Why is there a buzzing in my skull? 

“…Why won't he get up?”

The Boss puts his hand on my face, cupping it almost gently. “You…. you don’t know why he’s not getting up?”

I scoop the liquid mass falling out of the back of his head back into the cavity.

His hairs matted with blood.

His eyes are open but unseeing.

“Why?”

The buzzing noise over takes all sound.

“I killed him.” The man says cheerfully. "You are completely out of it." He comments. "Oh what people would pay for such a lovely thing like you. Crazed and complacent." He smiles. 

“Johnny?” Johnny wouldn't like that comment. Why is he not saying anything?

“I shot him.” The Boss clarifies. “Right in front of you. Just now.”

‘dead. dead. dead. for real this time.’

“Johnny??” That makes sense. He's not getting up. 

“Three shots to the head.” The man continues. “Stop… stop scooping his brains back into his skull- it’s disgusting.”

I choke on something. Words? Stress? Emotion? All three. And... vomit. I spew vomit all over the floor and consequently Johnny.

“Well… we’ll have to,” His hand moves to my shoulder. I have to take that hand. It’s his right hand- his trigger hand. The hand that killed Johnny. 

I want it.

I want it more than anything I've ever wanted in my life. 

I unleash my claws and cut it from him, picking it up and holding it in my own hands. It's warm. It's solid.   
  
It's not his anymore.   
  
It can't hurt Johnny anymore. 

The Boss yowls and backs away, stump clasped to his chest, his other hand out in front of him.

“You killed him,” I state brokenly. “You killed him.”

“Yes- And-“

“No, no, no.” Tears fall from my eyes, joining the mess that is now Johnny on the floor.

My hand smells like gore.

It makes me sick to my stomach. 

“Uh- Just give me back my hand and I'll just-” He’s bleeding on the floor. “I’ll just let you… uh… deal with that. And-“

“You killed him.” I repeat. “You…”

“Yes… I did.” The man sounds pained. “And I’m starting to regret it more and more by the minute.”

He goes for the gun again- but I lunge and take his other hand. I throw them both on the floor away from him.

They make a bloody skid back towards the hole.

His scream does not reach me over the buzzing. 

“Guards!!” He screams. “Guards!!”

I'm too disconnected. 

He's calling for help.   
  
Logically I know that. 

Logically I know that I must get up and fight. 

I hear the people coming, but I can’t move.

Johnny is lying on the floor covered in blood, gore, and vomit.

I have to protect this room.

The Boss is slumping down the wall.

“Guards!” His voice is getting weak. “You fucking psycho.” He groans.

“J-ohnny?”

He's so messy.   
  
I shouldn't have vomited. He's going to be so grossed out. 

Buzz, buzz, buzz. The back of my skull is a beehive.

“He’s dead lunatic!” The man spits. “He’s dead! I shot him and he’s dead!”

The guards finally find the room.

Two men in military garb. Both with pale blue skin.

“Boss?” They draw their guns on me.

“Shoot you idiots!” The man demands.

I barely feel the pain. They can’t be in here with Johnny. I have… to protect him. I have to protect this room. I have… this room. This room is special. He can come back to life in this room.

‘of course he can.’ Shifter hisses. ‘this is a special room.’

This is… a special room.

“Get out.” I demand, body taking their bullets and spitting them out.

“Sir- he’s not going down!”

“I can see that!” The man growls. “Cover my escape!”

“Get out!” I yell.

The men stop shooting as The Boss passes them. They slowly lower their guns and start to exit, keeping their eyes on me.

Johnny is a mess.

His skin… so pale. He’s never really been able to tan- tan. But he’s so, so, pale.

I need to clean him up.

This room won’t work if he’s dirty.

‘that’s right. this room is special.’ a nameless one says. ‘keep him clean. clean it all up.’

I look around the boxes.

There’s a slight dripping noise in the corner- I walk that way and find a small sink.

He’s naked though. Johnny doesn’t like being naked outside of the bedroom. I have… to find a blanket.

I go through box after box.

There’s got to be something.

These are military supplies… there has to be a blanket in here somewhere.

In the very last box underneath a bunch of ammo is a scratchy purple blanket- just like I thought there would be. It won't be comfortable- but he'll be covered.

I throw the ammo on the floor and remove the blanket, stripping a small part off and taking it to the sink, wetting it for a wash cloth.

I walk back to Johnny and start to wash all the blood off his face.

His skin is cold.

His skin his never this cold.

I can’t clean the back of his head. Not... with the hole in it.

The hole.

Johnny jumped into the hole for me.

There was barely any room.

Johnny is a hero.

I look around the room frantically.

‘this room is magic.’ Shifter says- almost softly. ‘if you’re good enough- it will work.’

If I’m good enough.

But I’m not good.

I’m never good….

I’m not good enough for him.

No, no. This is my fault.

“Johnny.” I feel tears on my face again. “I’m... so sorry.” I push his hair out of his face. It’s oily in the places that aren’t blood soaked.

I sit beside him, pulling him carefully into my lap, and stroke his hair.

This will work.

This has to work.

Hours start to pass…. And nothings happening.

Nothing.

I stroke his hair. I wash his face. I keep him covered and warm….

He stays cold.

I almost don’t hear boots coming into the room.

Guard’s foot steps would be heavier….

No. Those aren’t guards.

I can’t see the faces. They’re too far out of my reach.

“There!” Someone cries. “There! He’s in there! Please- call a medic!”

I smell scents but they don’t make any sense to me. There’s no rhyme or reason for anything.

“Oh my god.” Someone gags. “Oh my god.”

“Warren?” A soft voice. “Go into the hallway. Keep an eye on The Boss.”

“Oh god.” He repeats.

“Warren- hallway.” The voice demands.

“He’s a fucking psycho!” A voice yells. “Look at him!”

“Take him to the hallway, Warren!” The voice is very persistent.

"You're all deranged!" The voice yells. "Get me to a fucking medic!" 

The Boss’ voice gets muffled with distance.

“Daken-” This voice starts

“This room is special.” I state numbly- cutting it off. I need to tell it my intentions. 

“What makes this room special?” The voice is sweet and soft.

“Shifter said it was.”

“Ah.” The voice comes closer to me. “Did Shifter say that in your head?”

“This room is special.” I repeat quietly.

“I’m sure it is.” The voice is female. “What’s the special room going to do?”

I look up into carefully guarded green eyes. I can’t make sense of who I’m seeing. Features are mashed together and everything’s blurry. All I see is Johnny. The puddle of blood that’s leaked onto my lap... his brains leaving his head in a slow drip. “It’ll bring him back to life. ..If I’m good and defend it.”

The owner of the voice leans down in front of me, crouching. “I see.”

I just nod, continuing to stroke his hair. His eyes are dull, staring at the ceiling.

“Daken- “

‘you’re not doing it right.’ Master chides.

“I’m trying.” I choke on tears

The voice is attached to a hand. The hand attached to the voice touches my shoulder. “You’re trying to do what?”

“To do it right.” My cheeks are wet.

“Daken,” The voice is soothing- calming. I like this voice. I feel safe. “Johnny is dead.”

“This room is special.” I say pointedly. "He won't be dead if I'm good and defend it." 

Should I be defending it from this voice? 

Everything in me says that this voice wants to help me. That it always helps me. That I can count on it. 

"Will you help me?" I ask. 

The voice sighs. "Daken- this room won't bring him back." 

She repeats my name. Over and over. Like she's reminding me of who I am. 

Of what I am. 

Mongrel. 

Worthless. 

Alone. 

"Please-" I have to plead with the voice. That's fine. It just doesn't see how serious this situation is. "Help me." 

“Shifter isn’t from here.” The woman says carefully. “He wouldn’t know if this room is special or not. He would lie to you to hurt you.”

“It’s going to bring him back.” I try to explain. 

“Warren and I contacted the x-men.”

That is a dull fact. "This room-" 

“Logan.” She says carefully, cutting me off. “He knows you’re here. He knows where the jet is. He’ll be here in a few days.”

Logan? 

No. Logan won't help. 

He'll be angry.   
  
He won't let me stay in this room. 

"Don't tell Logan!" I beg. "Please. I need time!" 

"I already told him." She says. "He's probably already on his way..." 

"He... he can't." I mumble. "He can't. Please- he won't understand!" 

"What won't he understand?" The voice asks calmly. Almost sweetly. 

“This room is special.” I try. "He won't understand that. He'll be angry and make me leave. Just because he's angry.. he'll... he can't see me like this. He doesn't like it when I'm confused. He'll send me away. He'll... he'll send me away from here and I'll never see Johnny again! You can't let him do that to me. Please- you can't." 

"Logan," The voice says gently, "Is coming to take you home. You don't belong on this planet. It's not your home. It's not my home. We can't stay here." 

"But Johnny-" 

The hands take mine, removing them from Johnny. “You need a bath.” It says gently. “And a bed. And food. There’s a man here who has something that could work in the stead of your medication.”

“No. No. This room is special. I can’t leave this room.”

“Johnny isn’t going to get better.” I try to pull my hand way, but her grip is like steel. “Let’s get you out of here and we can get his body- okay? You won’t have to look.”

“No- no- no.” My mind spins. “No! This room- this room-“

“Is just a storage room. You were tortured in this room- remember? He threw you in a pit- remember? Johnny made him mad… remember?”

“No… no... no...”

I glance back at the ruined door.

If I jump into the pit… Johnny will come save me. He’ll get up and he’ll come save me. I move him off of my lap, setting him gently on the floor.

I pull away, eyes on the pit.

The woman grabs my arm this time.

“What are you thinking?” She demands.

“I have to go back in the pit.”

“No, no, no.” She says in a stern tone. “No. You can’t go back in the pit.”

“I have to! He’ll save me- I know he will!”

“My good lady,” Different voice, “I am in your debt. My people are in your debt. Might I interlude? I have a power that may come in use here.”

“I have to go in the pit!” I cry, pulling.

Another set of hands is on me. They vibrate for a second before waves of chilled air spread upon my skin. Following my arm down. My muscles are jelly. I can’t hold myself up… and I really want to.

The new voice is crouched down with the old one. 

I collapse beside Johnny on the floor, staring at his unseeing eyes.

The green eyed woman arranges the blankets over him so that they cover his face.

“Please…” I can't see him.   
  
She's taken him away. 

They've taken him away. 

“Shh. It’s over now.” She says. “Sir, can you help me lift him?”

“NO! I have to stay in this room!” I can’t lift any part of my person. “Please- it only works if I’m in here!”

“I can.” The man says. “Is it wise to move him?”

There’s a sigh. “If we leave him- he will go into that pit. There will be no other option for him.”

“I see.”

“Cover his eyes. I don’t want him to see where he’s going.”

They craft a blind fold out of a small strip of cloth taken from Johnny’s blanket.

The woman has claws. Like me.

Like…

Logan.

Logan’s going to be so mad.

It brings tears to my eyes.

Johnny… Logan…. The boss…

His hands are lying a few feet form my face.

"Should we gather up the dismembered hands?" The male voice asks. "The Boss could probably be saved." 

"Leave them." The woman  spits. "The Boss can enjoy his new life... the one where he can't harm anyone." 

A purplish person bends down and lifts me. The woman with him covers my eyes with the cloth.

Noises make no sense.

Scents make no sense.

Without my eyes I have no way to get back to the special room.

My body shakes…… trembles even.

I’ve never felt like this in my entire life.

“Warren?” The woman questions. “Take the boss to the holding cells. Then round up any remaining soldiers.”

“R…giht.” The man stammers. “And... the… lady- His wife... weren't we going to get her?”

The woman sighs. “She stabbed herself when she realized we were staging a takeover. Apparently,it’s a common reaction.”

“God.”

"She died with honor." The Boss says through pained breathing. "Her blood is on your hands." 

The younger man sounds distressed when he says, "Laura-" 

"Don't listen to him." Laura interrupts. "You're a hero." She pauses. "Are you going to be okay?”

'Warren' smells worried. “It’s just… a lot to take in.”

“I’m sorry.” The woman says.

"It's.. been a rough ride." he continues. 

"I know it has." The woman says sadly. "You've done a wonderful job- though. The others will be proud of you." 

The others.   
  
There's more of her. 

There's more of him. 

But there's only one Johnny. 

"Is Mr. Storm-"   
  
"Yes." The woman cuts him off. "He's also hero. His family will also be proud." 

No. They won't. Because he'll not be dead. If I stay in the room- he won't die. I have to...

I can't struggle. 

I can't move. 

The only thing that works in my mouth. 

I... wait. My pheromones. 

If I could push anger.... or disgust- they'd drop me. 

"Oh my god." The man holding me sounds distraught. "What is this?" 

Alien pheromones are different. This man is not from earth. His physiology is different. 

I need to hit him strong. 

There's a soft sound of him sniffling. 

No- no. That's not right. 

"My lady- It's... It's..."   
  
"It's coming from him." The woman says.

The younger man is softly crying. This is too much for him.

"Daken," She soothes. "Stop please."

I try to shake my head and can't.

"Stop please." She repeats.

I can't.

I push harder.  
  
The young man is sobbing.

"This is too much." He cries. "I can't do this anymore. I can't. I can't." He repeats. "I can't."

The Boss is silent.

He's passed out.

"Warren," The woman says gently, "We're almost done. Can you do one last thing- please? Can you do it knowing that the further you get away from Daken the better you'll feel?"

He sniffs. "Laura-"  
  
"For me?" She asks gently. "I can't do this on my own."

There's silence.

I'm pushing these emotions... and missing. I'm tired.

I stop pushing altogether- letting them snap back to where they were.

"Better." The woman - I think- pats my arm. "Thank you, Daken."

The two men quiet their crying slowly.  

“Warren- take care of The Boss. I’ll meet back up with you when Daken is settled.” She says gently. "Sir," She addresses the man holding me, "Please continue lifting him for me. He's quite heavy." 

"Of course." 

"Laura-" The young man. "Look. I'm- I'm-"   
  
"We're going to take you to a doctor." The woman says gently. "They are physicians arriving with the authorities. They'll have someone take care of you." 

There's a soft sound.   
  
A.... 

Kiss.   
  
They kissed. 

They....   
  
Johnny. 

When's the last time I kissed him? 

Him calming me down doesn't count. 

Whens the last time  _I_ kissed _him_. 

He always kisses me. 

I love kissing him.... but I never initiate it. I just wait around hoping he'll do something. 

But these two... 

"I've got this." The young man says. "Go. Take care of Daken." 

Take care of me. 

I need help. 

I need... something. 

We part in silence after that.

The man jostles me as he holds me. If I were feeling better I might complain to him. 

As is... I can't say anything. 

We walk for a little while.

“Your friend is shaking.” The man comments into the silence. "That should not be possible." 

“He’s very upset.” The woman says quietly. “I need to watch him until our ride arrives.”

“The authorities will be here in a matter of moments.” He says. “You could enlist their help. They owe you a great deal.”

The woman makes a small humming noise. “I will help them repurpose the base… but I do not want them involved with my friend.”

“Of course.” The man says.

The blind fold makes everything dark.

It smells like him.

But not alive him.

Like dead him.

“Will your powers put him to sleep?”

“No.” The man answers. “They just immobilize him.”

“For how long?”

“Twenty-four hours at the maximum. Would you like for it to last that long?”

“No- please. I have to go back to the room.” I need to be able to move. "Don't you have at least a  little humanity in you?" 

"I am alien." The male voice directs to me. "So no." 

"Daken- relax." The female voice chides. "It will be okay." She directs to her male friend, "Your powers...could you do twelve hours at a time? I’d like for him to be able to move under my supervision.”

“The room.” I groan. “Please- it won’t work.”

“Of course.” They’re talking right over me. “… And the body?”

“We’ll move it when I’m sure Daken won’t be involved. Johnny’s family will want the remains.”

“You can’t move it!” I plead. “It needs to stay!”

“Have you given consideration to The Boss’ experiments?” He questions. “I survived an open wound for a week.”

“There’s no surviving this wound.” The woman says gravely. “I’ll talk to you about it further when Daken is taken care of.”

“Don’t move the body.” I try again, trying to sound serious. “Don’t- you can’t. You can’t. The room won’t work. It has to work. You have to leave the body-“

“He sounds to be in shock.”

“He needs medication. He’s missing his.”

“This would come as a shock to anyone. Someone of his… kind would be taking it rather poorly.”

“If you move that body I will stab each of you.” I threaten weakly.

The two of them go silent. “Now Daken, you’re not going to stab us.” The female says.

“If you move the body-“

“Do not make threats.” She presses. “Not in your current state. You are already upset. Don’t prove yourself to be dangerous as well.”

The arms that are holding me stop moving. We all stop moving.

“This is one of the soldier’s barracks.” The man says. “It’s the closest bed I could find and your friend is quite heavy. Are the arrangements to your liking?”

“Yes, thank you. This will do wonderfully.” These voices are so polite.

The man makes a small noise. “I’ll go help your friend with The Boss.”

He leaves us to silence.

The woman lets it sit for a few moments before removing the blind flood.

“You’re crying.” She says sadly. “I’m so sorry Daken. Really… I know this doesn’t seem fair to you-“

“The body has to stay in that room.”

“That’s a delusion.” She presses. “Daken, the room will not bring Johnny back.”

I shut my eyes... and see his. His beautiful blue eyes… dazed over. Staring at the ceiling.

“I’m going to get in touch with Logan and see if he can’t get his team here any faster.” She says gently. “He’ll take good care of you.”

There is… no other possibility.

I saw it with my own eyes.

I felt his lack of pulse.

He’s….

“Johnny…”

“I know.” She says gently. “I know.”

She moves her hands and brings a scratchy blanket up my body.

“I’m not tired. There’s no point in putting me in a bed.” I say numbly.

“You’re in shock.” She counters. “Try to relax.”

I….

“I can’t.” I answer numbly.

Ever again.

I feel myself slipping…. I don’t think there’s a coming back from this.

I’m not sure I want to come back anyway.


	27. Mattered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found this chapter really sad- so warning there.  
> Thanks for reading!

Everything is a blur. Everything.

Where is Johnny? He said he would be here.

Johnny…

It’s...

No.

It’s not.

Where… where is Johnny?

There are people here. People in masks.

They’re bossy and loud.

Where is Johnny?

I feel like I’m walking in circles.

Like there’s something important to do but I can’t remember what it is.

I walk until my feet hurt- all over this strange place.

There are so many masked people.

Earth people?

Earthlings?

What are they doing here?

When did they get here?

Where is here anymore?

Where is Johnny?

I have my favorite searching route. It starts at the room they house me in. I sit still while the people talk at me. I let them shine lights in my eyes and take my pulse. I ingest whatever they give me.

And then I go.

I start there and walk the lower levels. Past a kitchen set up is a secret stairwell. I climb it up, up, up, until I’m on the third floor. I skip the second floor momentarily to go through the living quarters. They smell perfumed and like the living.

So different from the military mess downstairs.

I take the elevator from the third floor. Only when I’m done looking at all the rooms and smelling the different smells. I take the elevator to the second floor. The second floor is where all the masked people are.

Most of them take no notice of me.

They’re too busy doing alien politics.

The Kree owe mere humans a debt. They have to figure that out.

They only stop me if it’s time to eat.

I can’t make my rounds during meal times.

They don’t like that. It raises too many questions.

I have questions.

I find it funny that I must answer all of theirs to satisfaction… yet no one helps me answer mine.

Where is Johnny?

Where… where… where?

I can’t find him.

I ask for him and am met with silence.

I can’t pick his scent up. …

I get the feeling that I’ve just missed him when I walk into a room. So I do my rounds. I stop at every room. Every single one. And I look.

I look for longer than I should.

Because things don’t appear like they used to.

Shadows move through the air. I can see the molecules of the things I’m looking at. Tiny dots all over my vision. Items jump around and move.

Certain rooms are empty of all things but furniture.

When I’m tired I lay in those rooms.

Never for long.

Someone comes along and makes me finish my rounds.

They say “Keep moving”. I take that as they know what I’m doing. That I’m looking for someone.

There were more people in the dungeons. Tons of misplaced aliens from all over… waiting for rides.

They clothed them and told them to take shelter in the base. They think me one of them.

A poor lost soul.

I ask them for Johnny related information… but a lot of them don’t speak English.

I don’t have my phone. I have no pictures of him.

One did something akin to reading my mind- to help me she said. A few moments of that and she said she couldn’t help me. She said she couldn’t help me and then ordered me never to come near her again.

… Her ship left this morning.

I had been trying to beg her to help me.

No one wants to help me.

Where is Johnny? Johnny would help me.

I’m confused. I’m confused and someone needs to explain something very important to me… but I can’t remember what they’re supposed to be explaining.

I weed through the aliens.

The same question. Over and over.

I weed through the heroes.

Earth Heroes should know more about one of their own – right?

I asked Ironman. He told me to find Laura and stop wandering.  
I asked Black Widow… she asked if I’d seen my father.  
I asked Vision. He took me to medical. Like I was sick.  
The Scarlet witch was somewhat helpful. She suggested I ask around elsewhere.

None of them knew my name. 

None of them remembered my face. 

I've seen them several times- and I'm no one. Faceless. 

They vaguely remember to attach me to Laura but other than that.... nothing. 

Scarlet Witch showed some recognition when she talked to me. When she suggested that I go ask someone else. 

I think she was hinting that someone else had information on him.

She was giving me a hint. 

Like he wants me to figure out where he is on my own.   
  
Maybe it's a test. 

Where is Johnny?

Is he angry?

The last thing I remember is getting out of the hole…. I lost time.

I got the Boss’ hands, though. They couldn’t even cuff him. Laura told me I did that. 

Is Johnny mad about that?

Did he think I used too much force?

Is he mad that I used my claws???

Master told me not to. 

He's been screaming at me over it. 

I tried to apologize. He appeared to me a few days ago. 

He didn't want to hear it. 

I shouldn't have done it. 

I shouldn't have done it. 

But then... Laura said he couldn't hurt me. 

She said I did the right thing by making sure The Boss couldn't hurt anyone else. 

I walk more.

And more.  
And more.

Where is Johnny?

It’s strange what clips of conversation I can pick up walking around like this.

My favorite is always the doctors. Talking about the ‘hole’. The hole wasn’t that interesting. I tried to tell them that- but they stopped talking when I entered and ignored my input. They started trying to talk about me.

And I’m fine.

This is fine.

I asked them if they’d seen Johnny and they said they hadn’t.

They asked if I’d hit my head recently…

I told them that I didn’t know.

Pain isn’t something that registers.

They said they couldn’t help me.

So I went back to walking.

So many people want to know about the hole.... but they never ask me. They talk around me.

They’re talking about it closing.

I couldn’t be happier for that.

They said they had earth Science and alien tech to fill it in.

There must have been something bad down there. Something that required serious attention.

Where is Johnny?

He’d probably be interested in what’s going on with the hole.

The earthlings all seem to want to stay in one place but he's not with them. 

A lot of them are staying here in the barracks- all the same one...

I know because the room I’m in houses several of them.

The barracks easily house fifty people or more.

I listen to them at night. Snoring. Talking in their sleep. Tossing and turning.

I tried walking the barracks and searching each bunk for Johnny. 

The others didn't like that. 

I was met with hostility. 

Laura collected me and apologized. She said I was off my meds. 

Like that had something to do with it. 

Someone called me crazy. 

She said it was just because they were tired. She told me I was tired too. 

I try to walk late into the night but Laura does the strangest things. She tracks me down- she always finds me- she takes my hand, and we walk back to the barracks. She makes me drink something- I’m not sure what- and then tells me to get into the bed.

The beds are all bunked, but she lays beside me. Pushing me to the wall and giving herself the outside.

I want to argue, but whatever she makes me drink makes me tired.

I try to insist on not drinking it, but Laura always presses the issue.

Everything within me says not to fight her.

Not to fight anyone in fact.

I can’t look for Johnny if they deem me ‘dangerous’.

So I do as they say.

And they do their best to leave me alone.

Where is Johnny?

The … kitchen?

Have I checked the kitchen?

There are food smells coming from it… but no people in the actual kitchen. Some to the side- but not directly in the kitchen.

No cooks at any rate.

The cooks usually shoo me out of the kitchen.

When they aren’t cooking is the only time I can look.

Johnny would sneak into the kitchens… he likes to snack. Especially if he didn’t like the food they were serving.

Johnny wouldn’t like the food they serve here.

I wonder if he’s eaten anything at all…

Sometimes he stays up so late… I take him food. In his garage.

It’s how he hides when he’s upset.

He sets me up on the couch and then goes to work on his cars…. I wait a few hours and then take a plate to him. I don’t say anything to him. Just leave it.

Maybe he wants me to feed him….

Maybe I should see what’s in the kitchen now. And see if it’s anything he’d like.

Maybe he’s in with the ships.

Working on the engines….

But the ships are housed in an airfield away from the base. 

They don’t let me wander too far outside the base.

I got out one day and got lost.

They had to send a rescue crew.

No one was happy.

They called me crazy again. 

Johnny was probably worried sick.

Unless he’s mad.

Where is he?

The floor in the kitchen is sticky. It’s a very odd sensation. I follow the trail of tacky substance all around the kitchen. To the door, out the door, back in another door… the trail seems important somehow.

I follow it, eyes down, trying not to step on it with my bare feet.

The trail stops at someone’s boots.

They issued me boots- the same as all the refugees.

I don’t wear them.

I don’t want to.

Occasionally they’ve stopped me and called Laura. She tries to tell me the importance of protecting my skin from unknown alien substances.

I ask her where Johnny is… and she looks down. Always. She says I’ll find him, pats my shoulder, and walks off.

She has other things to do. Things that don't involve me.

Warren is in the med wing.

They say he’s in some sort of shock.

He’s making great progress, though. The doctors think he’ll recover within the month.

I know this from my rounds.

Laura sits with him when she’s not with me.

She takes good care of me I suppose. I'm very forgetful of things. I get confused. 

It takes a lot not to become angry and take it out on everyone.

The boots the trail are under are blue. The first pair anyway.

The other’s are red, quite small, and a metallic… boot like thing.

None of which are standard issue.

“What are you doing there?” Male voice. Deep.

It belongs to a blonde man. Not blonde like Johnny.

Blue eyes. Deep voice. Star on his chest… Cap. Right. The Avenging Captain America.

“Food is already served.” He says sternly. “We’re on tight rations. If you’re hungry go to the mess hall and-“

He stops, eyes catching on the black circlet on my wrist.

I can’t get it off.

They say it’s for identification purposes.

It marks me as human. Bound for earth. Like the heroes.

I’ve asked why it’s black… the doctor was silent and then said it was because it was Laura’s favorite color. So it tied me back to her.

He was smiling, however. I don’t think he was being accurate.

A small part of me thought he was making fun of me.

I didn’t react properly.

They say I had a ‘minor’ break down. Three hours on some IV drip and I was back on my feet.

The doctor even apologized, bandaged hand and all.

They didn’t call my reaction ‘dangerous’. The authorities overseeing the matter said it was ‘understandable’ but if it happened again I would be confined to the barracks.

I can’t find Johnny in the barracks. So I agreed.

No claws.

“Black bracelet,” Cap says to his companions.

People are always interested in my bracelet. 

I admire it as well. It's black metal with my name and some three letters and two numbers. It's a code. No one will explain it to me. 

“Not the time-traveling boy….” Ironman wears boots like that… it’s his armor. Red and gold. Polished. He takes a lot of care of his appearance. His voice is robotic through its filter. The mask makes a small clicking sound as it opens up. “Only have two people with those.” He says thoughtfully.

He doesn't remember me. 

“Is that Logan’s boy?” Woman. Scarlet Witch I think. She has a strange scent that smells otherworldly. None of the other humans have it. The woman unnerves me slightly.

She doesn't remember me. 

“Think so.” Ironman- Tony. His name is Tony. Tony helped Johnny find me once upon a time. In a slight way anyway.

“I’m not stealing food.” I interrupt.

They don't remember me. 

I am nothing to them. 

I am something to Johnny. Johnny wouldn't forget me. 

Cap nods. “Are you lost?” He asks.

I continue to look at the trail.

There’s dirt stuck in it. I feel the grit with my bare foot. “There’s… a trail.” I say quietly, pointing.

“A trail?” Ironman takes a heavy step forward.

“You’re standing in it.” I inform.

“Is Logan here yet?” The woman asks. I don’t look up. I can’t read her expression from looking at the floor.

“No. He’s not.” Cap informs. “Who’s watching you?”

“Watching me?”

“Your bracelet.” He points. “It means you need-” he stops.

“Help.” Wanda interferes. “It means you require assistance.”

I do require assistance. “Actually- yes. I do require assistance.” How clever to put it on my bracelet.

“Who is supposed to be helping you?” Scarlet Witch asks with a warm smile. 

Uh… “I guess Laura is.” I ponder. “She’s with Warren right now though and- “

“That’d be Logan’s daughter- right?” Cap- Steve. His name is Steve. He interrupts me.

“Daughter?” Ironman asks.

“You know… the clone?” He says. 

He says 'clone' like it's something offensive. 

“I do require assistance.” I try again. “If you could- “

“ X- 23." Cap says with a nod, ignoring me.

"I didn't know she was Logan's daughter." Wanda says. 

"I'm pretty sure he's her guardian." Cap continues. 

"I do need help-" I try again. 

"How many kids does this guy take in?" Tony says in a kind of joking manner. 

"If you could-"   
  
"More than he should." Wanda says, motioning to me. "You think he'd take better care of his own first." 

"So is she watching him?" Tony asks. "She's doing a shit job. I've seen him walking around by himself." 

“Is Laura watching you?” Steve finally turns his attention back to me. "You probably shouldn't be on your own." 

“They let him roam the base during the day.” This is a slightly odd voice. Its owner isn’t completely human. “I’ve observed him. He makes about twenty laps around the house from the time he wakes up to the time Laura collects him.” The robot… android… what is the politically correct way to address The Vision? “He is harmless.” I didn’t see him. He’s just phased through the floor.

“I still feel like someone should be watching him.” Cap says quietly. “With all things considered.”

“I repeat- he is harmless.”

“But he’s all by himself.” Cap says somewhat pointedly.

I require assistance.  
This is a group of people. Laura is busy.

They could help.

“I do need help.” I try for the third time.

“Of course.” I can’t read Wanda’s tone. It’s so… soft. “How can we help you?”

“I’m looking for Johnny. Have any of you seen him? He’s not around and I don’t think he’d like the alien food much… I thought he might be in here looking for something else.”

You could hear a pin drop.

“Ah- Johnny?“Cap asks. 

"Johnny Storm." Wanda says carefully. 

"OH." Tony looks down. "Oh." 

“That’s why he’s searching the house.” Vision says in a tone I can’t quite understand. “But he is harmless.” Vision leaves his companions without saying another word.

“Have you?” I ask a little more quietly.

"Ah-" 

“No.” The Scarlet Witch says gently. “No one’s seen him.”

Then they’re of no help.

But they’re still standing in my way. I guess I could go around them….

I start to do just that, but a hand stops me. “Maybe you should go somewhere else.” Cap says in a somewhat guarded tone.

“Steve- he’s fine.” Ironman says. "Vision says he's fine. Let him go.

“There’s a lot of knives in this room….” Steve says pointedly. “And other sharp objects-“

“He’s got claws in his hands! If he wants to hurt himself-“

“Don’t you dare put that idea in his head!” The Scarlet Witch growls, crossing her arms.

“I’m just saying-“

“Well then stop saying it!”

While they bicker, Steve looks me over. “Ah… Hmm… I’m sorry- I don’t know your name.”

I offer him the bracelet.

He doesn't remember me. 

“Daken.” Cap says. “Right. Logan’s boy.”

Logan’s boy.

Like I belong to him.

“I need to follow this trail… I’m looking for Johnny.” I try to press.

“You miss him pretty badly- don’t you?” Steve questions.

The other two stop fighting and look at us.

“No one will tell me where he is….” I glance up. “I really need to find him.”

“Steve,” Tony says, “We’ve got a briefing to attend… you can’t bring him with you. And this really isn’t your place.”

They don’t even know my name.

I helped with The Boss… and they don’t even know my name.

I’m nameless to them.

Just ‘Logan’s boy’.

Where is Johnny?

I’m not nameless to Johnny.

“Alright.” Steve pats my shoulder. “Good luck finding him.”

They move and the trail is gone.

“Fuck.” I exhale.

I walk to the stairway, rolling up my sleeves as I do. The kitchen gets so hot and they’ve made me wear a military uniform instead of the lightweight prison ones. This material is thick and foreign to me.

“Daken.”

Where is Johnny?

“Daken.” Pressing voice.

Shifter?

Master?

One of the new ones…

The new ones. I told Johnny there would be new ones.

The last time I held him was in the pit….

I was so frightened.  
I find myself scared a lot.

Sometimes when I’m by myself and no one is talking.

Sometimes in a room full a people and everyone is talking.

It grips me.

Especially when it gets dark.

I’m halfway up the stairs when a hand catches my arm, turning me around. “Did you not hear me calling you?” It’s Laura. She’s mad.

“No.” I answer honestly. “I’m sorry.”

Her face goes from annoyed to sympathetic. “It’s lunch time.” She says gently. “I’ve already made you a spot at your table.”

My table.

Not ‘the’ table. ‘Your’ table.

I am nameless… but I need to be segregated from the rest.

Maybe the black bracelet means I’m marked for death? Maybe it means I’m marked for death and I’m contagious.

Maybe it means that I’m bad in some way.

Maybe they’re all mad at me for taking The Boss’ hands….

‘you shouldn’t have used your claws.’ Shifter is so quiet here recently. ‘everyone hates you now.’

Do they all hate me? 

No one really talks to me. 

Sometimes people who can remember me talk  _about_ me. But never  _to_ me. 

I don't know why they would hate me. 

I hope they don't. 

I tried to help everyone... with The Boss. 

I guess I did. 

They aren't giving me credit for it, though... Mainly that goes to Laura. 

She tries to correct them every now and then, but most of the time just lets it go. 

They hate me because I didn't help her? 

They hate me because I did? 

Does she secretly hate me? 

I look her over. She's patiently eyeing me. 

She wouldn't hate me- would she? 

I mean... I don't think she would.   
  
We've been through so much together.   
And she tries to take good care of me. 

Is that just an obligation? 

Something she has to do until Logan... 

Logan. 

Logan definitely hates me. 

Maybe he told them to put it on the bracelet..... 

Laura let’s go of my arm and watches me for a second. “Do you remember where the lunch hall is?”

Do I?

I…

No. That’s one of the doors that keeps moving.

She often quizzes me like this.

I feel like I never have the answers she’s looking for.

“No. It never stays in one place.” I explain. “It was somewhere different this morning…” Her eyes are soft.  Disappointed. I've failed. “Than it was last night.” I finish weakly.

‘you’ve failed.’ Master sneers.

The bracelet means I’m useless.

Hated and useless.

Two of them were given out.

Who is my other person?

Shouldn't we be lumped together?

I look at Laura’s wrist- she wears no bracelet.

She watches me for a second and sighs. “Yes, it does Daken. The lunch hall never moves.” She offers her hand and I just stare at it. Where is her bracelet? “Well?”

Where is Johnny?

“I want to follow you.” I try to explain. “Please don't hold my hand.”

They think I'm crazy. 

That's what they talk about when they talk about me. 

I'm not crazy. 

I just want to find Johnny. 

“I can’t guarantee that you won’t wander off like you did at breakfast this morning if I don't keep ahold of you.” She gives her hand a shake. “Take my hand.”

I hesitantly take it, allowing her to guide me off of the stairs. When we’re at the bottom level she let’s go of my hand and grabs my arm. “Is this better?” She questions.

I nod.

We move through the first floor. Past the front doors and to the very, very, back on the building. To a well-lit room with no door. The lighting comes from bulbs overhead. The windows in the room show how dark and rainy outside has been for the last few days.

I scan the room for Johnny.

He’s not here.

Where is he?

Laura moves us to the very back of the room. This table, unlike all the other tables that could easily fit six or seven people, only fits two. This is where I always sit.

My table.

A reject.

That’s what the bracelet means.

The other chair should be for Johnny.

Maybe he has the other bracelet.

Maybe he’s my missing partner.

Where is he?

Laura takes the seat across from me, wasting no time in picking up her spoon.  
The food is some kind of alien stew. With creatures and vegetables I’ve never seen before. It's not greasy- but it's got an odd sheen over the liquid of the stew. Oily almost. It looks like something I don't want to put in my mouth. 

We've had this every day I can remember being here. 

To be honest- I'm not actually sure how long that's been. 

My memory... 

There are doctors here. I know that much. And I vaguely remembering meeting with them. There was a massive dose of medication. 

Not my medication. 

The woman who gave it to me called it an 'emergency dose'. I don't remember what the emergency was, though. 

“Take a bite.” She says when she swallows. “It’s not bad.”

I do what she says. Like I always do. Like I always will do.

She watches me swallow.

“You didn’t spit.” She praises with a small smile. “Thank you for that. Doctor Mills will be very happy.”

Doctor Mills- isn't really a doctor. She's some kind of alien nutritionist.... Laura found her and told her about my 'state'.

 She has purple skin-Like Laura's friend from the dungeons. She says her planet also has something akin to my illness. Apparently- while untreatable- it is seen around other parts of the galaxy.

They should gather us all up. Make an interplanetary support group. 

Doctor Mills is in charge of the 'emergency doses' even though she's not a doctor. 

She encourages me to eat. 

She has 'snacks'. Things she got from the small market in the town outside the compound. 

The food is tasteless.

Everything’s been tasteless lately.

Johnny wouldn’t like this at all-It’s not greasy enough.

“Laura- have you seen Johnny?” I ask for what’s got to be the millionth time. I forget who I’ve asked… and often end up repeating myself.

Laura directs her attention out the window. “No, Daken. I haven’t.”

“No one has.” I stir the stew aimlessly. “I’m wondering if I’ve made him angry.”

Laura looks at me with a look I can't interpret. “He’s not mad at you Daken. He loves you very much.”

“Then you have seen him?” I ask hopefully.

“No.” She shakes her head. “But you can keep looking.”I start to get up but she grabs me. “After you eat- Daken. You can keep looking after you eat.”

I sit back down and eat a few more bites in silence. “I’m full.”

“Your bowl is also full.” She says gently. “You know how they’re rationing things here. Go on and eat some more. What you don’t eat I have to eat and I’m not very hungry myself.”

I manage to eat about three more spoonfuls before gagging.

“I can’t.” I feel like I’m going to puke.

I push the bowl to her and start to stand up. She grabs me again. “Let your food settle.” She orders.

“You said-“

“This is part of the meal.”  
“I need to find Johnny.” I press.

Where is he?

“You won’t find anyone if you end up in the bathroom vomiting.” She says. “Sit. Let your stomach settle.”

I cross my arms on the table and lay my head in them.

“You’re tired.” She notes. “How long have you been walking?”

“Three laps.” I stare out the window. It was Stormy, but it’s suddenly lightened up. Like magic. Like someone couldn’t stand the gloom anymore and flipped a switch.

“Any breaks?”

“No.” I look up at her. “I can’t find him. He doesn’t want to be found.”

“You’ll find him.” She says gently. “With time... and-” She stops, looking over my shoulder. “Patience.” She finishes.

There’s a group of people coming into the room. I see her taking interest in them.

Most of them are faces I can’t really place- a few young ones- but Beast- Beast is someone I place immediately.

Hank is here... he brought students with him. 

“Hank.” It’s a whisper. “Would he know- “

“Yes.” Laura nods. “And no.” She adds.

“That means-“

She nods. “Let’s go back to your bunk- okay? I need to meet with Logan before he comes to get you. There’s an important thing I need to tell him.”

“He can’t!” I whisper. “I haven’t found Johnny yet!”

“You can talk about that with him.” She says quietly. “Come on. I don’t want these x-men to see us before I talk to Logan.”

She leaves the bowls where they are and bustles me out the rear entrance.

She’s almost running back to the barracks.

“X- what are we doing??” I demand, voice shaking.

I’m breaking from my rounds.

I’ll never remember where I’ve been now!

I’ll have to start completely over.

This will be about an hour wasted.

I can’t even remember where I thought to look!

“Stay calm.” She says lowly as we’re rounding a corner. “I just need to talk to Log-“

She runs straight into said man. I have to catch her as she falls backward. It’s a solid thunk when they collide.

“I think you found him.” I point.

He looks us over very carefully.

Maybe he knows where Johnny is. 

“Logan have you seen- “

“Daken I don’t want to hear a single word come out of your mouth.” He growls. "You left the fucking planet." 

"Johnny-"   
  
"Oh, we're going to talk about Johnny alright." Logan seethes. His voice is deadly and quiet. His face red. Eyes narrowed. 

“Logan- look-” Laura tries. “I need to speak with you. It’s urgent.”

“You were supposed to watch him.” He growls, turning on her. “You were supposed to keep him safe. To keep you safe. You were supposed to stay at the school.” He grabs her by the shoulder. “What were you thinking??”

“If you’ll let me explain-“X puts her hands on his- trying to pry them off of her. 

“And you-“ He let's go of her and points at me. “Of all then childish, stupid, moronic-“

My heart sinks with every word. What did I do? I can’t…. remember.

He just got here!

How can he be mad at me too?

It’s the bracelet.

It’s telling him I’ve done something wrong.

It’s a mark.

It’s a stamp.

It’s….

Bad.

I’ve done something bad.

Logan’s about to tell me what I’ve done.

“Logan stop.” Laura says carefully. “I need to brief you on a situation I don’t think anyone has bothered to tell you.”

“I will not be ‘briefed’.” He growls. “Now both of you are getting on that jet and going home. And you’re lucky if I don’t lock you both in a sanitarium because you are both obviously insane!” He bellows the last.

“Logan!”

“Laura- I don’t want to hear another god damn word!” He continues. “Do you know what you did? Do you? This situation was being handled! You got someone killed! Do you realize that? You’re meddling actually got someone killed. Can you think of hard this is going to be to move on from? Can you? Did either of you think how this could negatively affect other people?”

Everything stops.

Where… is Johnny?

“Logan- please.” Laura sounds panicked. “Stop.”

Killed.

Someone….

Someone got killed.

Someone… no.

NO.

Oh god.

NO.

NO.

Where is he?

Not possible.

NO-

“Logan where is-“

“Don’t you start your bullshit with me.” he growls. “I have thirty people lined up back home to take care of you. You’ll never see the outside of that house without an escort again.

Bad.

Where is Johnny?

Where is Johnny?

Oh god.

Fear overtakes me.

Someone is dead.

Did the boss die?

Is Logan mad because I killed him?

“I’m sorry-“

“You’re sorry? You’re SORRY? Do you even comprehend what that word means- Daken? Do you understand what you’re saying??”

“Logan if you keep yelling at him something bad will happen.” X says lowly, her eyes narrowing and brows scrunching together. 

She'll only put up with so much of Logan berating her. 

"I'm looking for-"

Where is Johnny?

X can’t fend Logan off on her own.

“I will tell you bad.” His voice lowers dangerously again. “You could have started a war. An interplanetary war. Do you realize that? It could have been a lot worse than someone dying. You could have gotten yourselves killed! You got yourselves tortured! Do you know how long it’s going to take for us to calm Daken down after that? After this? DO you!?”

“Logan... stop yelling.” Laura says quietly. “If you’ll just step with me into this room I can explain things- “

“Explain why you thought it was your place to meddle!” Logan bellows. “Johnny would be alive if you hadn’t interfered!” Logan says harshly. “The two of you- his family is going to have to bury him- again. Again. You got him killed and- “

Johnny….

Killed…

Johnny?

I… killed Johnny.

Black bracelet. 

Death. 

Bad. 

The letters. The numbers. 

A kill. 

It's a ledger. 

It's.. a mark. 

I killed… I killed Johnny.

I did something bad.

I did the ultimate bad.

There’s a sound I can’t place. Or register.

But they’re looking at me. I guess… I’m making it.

I destroy everything I touch…

I deserve nothing.

I am nothing.

I am the lowest life form…

I killed Johnny…

I killed… I killed...

“No. No. No….  no. I’m looking for him. They said I’d find him. I didn’t… I didn’t kill him… I don’t use my claws. I wouldn’t… please tell me I didn't!” I back away from Logan. “I can’t… please… I didn’t mean to. I don’t remember what happened…”

“He’s dead- your meddling got him killed.” Logan seethes. “Don’t pull any bullshit Daken. Face it- “

“He’s mind went into shock, Logan.” Laura says bluntly, crossing her arms over her chest. “He didn’t know Johnny was dead.”

My fingers rake my skin… my face shredding- I don’t know what else to do with my hands.

Johnny is dead….

“He…” Logan stops. “They didn't tell him?" He crosses his arms a lot like  X. 

The two of them stare each other down. 

I'm bent at the waist. As if the weight of this news were really crushing me. 

“He’s been walking around for three days looking for him. Every hour he’s not sleeping.” Her words are knives in my mind. “He’s not stopped. He’s asked every person in this base. Repeatedly. What did you think your barging in here would do? Even in his previous state it would not have been well received.”

"He left the fucking planet." Logan tries to defend his actions. "I-"   
  
"He left because you didn't believe him." Laura says. "He left to save Johnny. He was trying to be a hero." 

"Look-" 

"I .. killed him?" My face is bleeding. My nerves are wrecked. "I killed him." I repeat. "I killed him. The bracelet... the bracelet... I ..  I killed him." 

"Look Daken," Logan says. "I'm sorry I barged in here like that. I was angry and-"   
  
"Over-exaggerated." X says pointedly. 

"I didn't over exaggerate." Logan growls at her. "Let's make this clear- the two of you have a hand in Johnny's death. No amount of tears or.." He looks me over. "Clawing is-" He stops. "Daken- son please." He takes my hands away from my face. "Stop." 

"We were trying to save Johnny." Laura says angrily. "He died because of a personal choice he made." 

"Oh no. If you hadn't come here, something would have worked out. He died because Daken was on the line. Because Daken came after him and-"   
  
"DO NOT BLAME THIS ON HIM." X says loudly. "Do you not hear yourself?" 

"Hold on-" Logan takes a step forward, holding up a hand as if to ward off a physical attack. "I'm not saying he did it on purpose-" 

He let go of my hands. 

I claw at my eyes. They won't see a world without him. 

I claw my cheeks. My ears. My head. A hand tangles in my hair- I need any and all pain I can get. 

'claw yourself.' Shifter insists. 

"Then what are you trying to say- Logan?" X turns her eyes from him to me. She points a finger at me, "Take his hands. He's hurting himself." 

Logan looks at me for a second. "Come here." He takes my hands again, holding them in his and turning halfway back to Laura. "I'm trying to say that his leaving earth may have made Johnny a bit more irrational," He says hotly. "That's it." 

"You're blaming him when you say that." She growls. 

"He  _chose_ to leave earth- Laura. He is responsible-" 

"He did what he thought wast the right thing to do!" She yells. 

"Well, it wasn't!" He yells back. 

It wasn't. 

I'm suddenly scared. 

Like I get. 

Johnny is dead.   
Johnny is never coming back. 

"X...." I gulp. "Can I go to bed?" 

Johnny.... 

"No, you can't go to bed." Logan says hotly. "I'm going to let you go- don't claw yourself." 

He hates me. 

Johnny's dead and Logan hates me. 

"Did I kill him?" I ask brokenly. My hands hang limply at my side. 

Look Logan. I'm trying to comply with you. 

Look. 

I'm trying to behave. 

My world is falling apart- but I'm trying. 

Won't you have just the slightest sliver of mercy?

"You may as well have." Logan is too preoccupied with Laura to look at me. "You- if you're going to cause this kind of trouble and make this bad of choice where he is involved- you should go back to Summers." 

What? 

"I will not leave him in your hands." She growls. 

"He's no safer in yours-"   
  
I'm crying. 

But I don't claw myself. 

I don't move. 

I'm not loud. 

"Look." She points again. "Logan- look." She exhales slowly. "Feel. Do you not feel what he's emoting?"

The man looks at me.

His anger starts to subside. I can see it visibly draining.

"Daken-"

"Tell him it wasn't his fault." Laura says. "Tell him."

I feel like puking.  

"I killed him?" I ask weakly. 

“Daken- I’m sorry,” Logan starts trying to soothe me. He wants me to forget what he's said. He wants me to forget my wrong doing. 

“Do you comprehend the meaning of that word Logan?” Laura snarls.

"I killed him." I repeat,

My nails find my skin again- my arms this time... I want to peel off my own skin. I want to shred muscle and bone until I'm not this evil, wicked, person I am. To have killed Johnny... 

  
My Johnny.   
My person.   
  
My.. .my Johnny. 

Sobs wrack my body.

"I killed him." I manage through them. 

Johnny’s dead.

Johnny’s dead and it’s my fault.

"Son- no scratching yourself." Logan says. 

"You're lucky if that's all he does." Laura says cryptically. 

“And uh… this is… what you were trying to tell me?" Logan looks back at her.

My sobs grow heavier. 

I can't bear the weight.

I collapse to the floor.

"I killed him." I restate. Nothing will ever set this right. 

"I tried to contact you two days ago." Laura says slightly quieter than before. "You refused my transmissions." 

"X-" 

“Before he ‘forgot’ I caught him trying to hang himself.” She continues. “His condition has worsened to the point where he is non-functional.”

“Daken-” Logan turns to me. I avoid his eyes. From my spot on the floor, I'm as small as I can be. I can do no damage and  I can sink into the floor with the weight of any damage being done to me. “Non-functional. Holy fuck.”

Nonfunctional. 

My bracelet. 

It means I need help.   
I need help to function . 

"He get's lost walking to rooms he's already been in." She continues. "He forgets meals. He forgets where he's been. He forgets people. On several occasions I found him sitting in a room hurting himself. We decided as a collective that we'd keep an eye on him by letting him roam the base."

I can’t… no. no.

I’ve been looking for him.

I’ve ... no...

This is…

"Letting him look for Johnny stopped the suicide attempts." Laura's words are not making sense to me. "And there were many." 

“Jesus Christ.” Someone hisses.

"How many?" Logan asks in a hushed tone, hand over this mouth. 

"Twelve." Laura says. 

Twelve? 

That's right. 

I was sad. 

I didn't want to live. 

“I was looking for him.” I whisper, feeling frantic. “He’s… he’s not here? Where is he… no... no... He was here. I was... he’s mad at me. He’s mad…” I have to clasp my head in my hands… I have to stop the whirlwind of thoughts. “He’s mad... I killed him... he’s mad because I killed him.” Logan takes a step forward. “But I can fix it!” stammer. “I put... his head… god. His head! I put it back together! In the room.” It’s flooding back to me. “I found him and I put him back together!”

It finally hits me. 

As if it hadn't been already. 

The case isn't that nobody knows where Johnny is... it's everyone knowing where he is but... me. 

I've been hunting down my own victim. 

“Logan… is he – “ This is a new voice. 

I look up as see boots similar to the ones in the kitchen earlier. 

“No… no... it’s not my fault… it’s- it's..” I grab Logan, being on the floor all I can reach are his legs. “I fixed him.” I plead. “God.. I fixed him!”

It’s my fault.

It’s my fault.

Oh god.

It’s my fault.

“Hey, Wanda. Tony.” Logan waves a little. “Uh…. Daken…. come here, son. You’re making a bit of a scene-“ We’ve gained attention.

He tries to lift me from the floor but I just collapse more into a ball, landing at his boots. 

“Daken-” He says in a tone that conveys his discomfort.

It’s my fault….

Logan said it was my fault.

I bang my forehead into the cement floor until there’s blood.

“He’s doing it again!” Laura says angrily. “It took an entire day for this to stop!”

Blood.

Brains…

Johnny….

The….

Brains…  
And…

Johnny…

Johnny…

Not missing. Not missing.

Where is he?

Dead.

He’s...

Dead.

My fault. My fault...

This is too much. This is…

My fault.

Blood… hole…

Gore…

My fault… oh god.

It’s…

No…

Please…

NO…

My fault.

It’s all my fault.

Hands grab my shoulder, forcibly holding me up from the floor.

"That's enough, son." He says in an altogether different voice than before. Logan is embarrassed. 

"I can't do this without him." I sob. 

Through tears, I see my father’s distraught face. “He’s fine.” He says to his teammates. “He’s… you’re okay... “He sounds stressed. “We’ve got this. We’re just having a moment.”

“What happened?” Someone asks.

He scrambles when his grip on me slips and my head finds it’s way back to the floor. “He’s fine… this is just… a little upset.”

“A ‘little’ upset? What did you do to him?” this voice presses. 

“I didn’t know none of you assholes hadn’t told him Johnny was dead.”

“He told Daken that Johnny’s death was his fault.” Laura says in clipped words. “So now not only does he know he’s dead- but he thinks he was the cause.”

“Holy fuck Logan.” Someone hisses. “Wanda told me he put his arm down a garbage disposal and one of the soldiers say they saw him eat an entire three week supply of painkillers. You know he's suicidal- don't you?”

He does remember me.   
Well, my actions. 

“Yea- well now I do.” Logan sounds confused. “Come here son… Akihiro…” He resorts to my name. In rare cases, it works. But not for him. Never for him. “Akihiro… shh… Come here. Come-” My head meets the concrete again.

More hands grab me, pulling me off the floor. Logan’s crouched down on the floor a few feet from me. “Come here.” He says softly. “Jesus.. come on. Come here.” I lash out with my hands.

“Akihiro-“

“NO! NO! NO!” More sobs. “No one gets to call me that!”

“Akihiro- please-“

“That’s not my name!” I sob. “I’m not that person! I’m not a person! I’m not... a person.” I weakly slap at him, my hand makes contact with his chest. I pound weakly on the solidness of his unmoving form. “I’m not a person!”

“Yes, you are-“

“Christ Logan.”

"Will you get out of here!" Logan growls at the person. “You can be that person.” He tries, turning back to me...

“My fault… it’s my fault… the pit… and hole…” I stop. “The hole… oh god. His head… his head… I fixed it! I didn’t do it. I.. no.. I didn’t do it.“

“Does he… can we get him any pills?”

“Pills? Try a sedative.” Logan says before turning back to me. “Shh-“

“His head.” I gasp. “His head… hole.. there’s a hole.. and –“

“Shh, shh. Come here.” This isn’t Logan. “Come here, Daken.” Smaller arms wrap around me. “Come here.” Laura says in my ear. “It’s not your fault… this is not your fault.” She nods her head to Logan. “He didn’t know. Let him help- okay?”

“Logan- you were with him for like… not even a minute. Your parenting really sucks.”Male voice. 

Logan doesn't parent. 

He endures. 

He.. hates me. 

“Stark- when you have kids- come talk to me.” Logan growls before reaching a hand out to me. “Come here.” He says gently. “Let's do this somewhere else. Okay? Let’s do it somewhere else….” He looks past me. “Laura- are there any beds?”

“Yes.” She nods. “We were heading to the barracks.”

“Okay.” He takes my shoulders in his hands. “Can you walk?”

There’s a crowd around us.

I’ve embarrassed him.

I’ve dishonored him.

This is my fault…

Everything is my fault….

It brings on another wave of sobs.

“No, no, no.” Logan hushes quickly. “Come on Daken….”

“It’s my fault…” I sob. “It’s all my fault.”  
“No, it’s not I-“

“YOU SAID IT WAS!”

“I was mad.” Logan says gently. “I wasn’t thinking… come here,” he pulls me into his chest. I hate myself for letting him do it. “We’re going to have to do this here- aren’t we?”

Laura sighs. “Yes.”

Logan smells musty.

I smell like weakness.

Everything… is just so….

Much.

“There… we can calm down.” Logan says quietly. “You can calm down. You can talk to me.”

“No, no, no…. his.. head… his head…”

“What happened when he… ya know.” This is not directed at me.

“Daken tried to put Johnny’s head back in place.” Laura says crisply. “He scooped his brains back into his skull for hours-“

"And after that?" 

Laura crosses her arms and says over my sobbing, "The suicide attempts... they all happened in the same day." 

"Oh my god." Someone gasps. "Why is he bleeding?" 

"He scratches himself when he's upset." Logan says. 

"Can we get you anything?" A woman asks. "Uh... Daken- was it?"   
  
They don't know me. 

Now they will. 

I sob harder. 

They're trying to help me. Like I'm a person.   
  
Without Johnny I am nothing. 

"How about a tissue?" The woman offers. 

"He's fine." Logan says gruffly. "Thanks." 

_“NO… no… that room- that room- it’s special—the body-“_

“I can’t understand a word he’s saying.” Logan says. "What is he speaking in?" 

I speak every language I know. I cry in every tongue I've ever learned

I pray to every god I can think of.

If they could hear me...

If they care....

But then- who would care for an orphaned mongrel? I'm not a person. These heroes save people. I'm not a person. I'm.. not a person.

"Gibberish." Someone says. "He's talking in gibberish." 

No.. I'm not. 

I'm... no. 

"Is that something he does?" People are in a circle around us. 

I can't look them in the eyes. I rake my fingers down my face again. 

I am weak. 

All these people are seeing it. 

"No- not usually." Laura muses. "This is.. new." 

"So ... no one knows what he's saying?" 

I pray. I pray like I'm the most pious man alive. 

"He's not speaking gibberish.” New voice. “He’s speaking in a mix of about five languages- all vastly different from each other .”

Speaking like Master.

My second tongue.

"He's praying." The voice says. "To everyone."

Logan runs a hand over my shoulder. He doesn't know what to do with them.  “Okay… what do I do?”

"Get him home." The voice says. "Take him home and keep him safe. He's had enough adventure for the time being." 

"Take him home?" 

There's murmuring around the crowd. 

"Take him home, Logan. Say nothing more about  ' you know who' or how it happened.' 

There's a pause. 

Everyone is silent. Everyone can hear my pleas and sobs. 

Only one person  can even understand me. 

“ _You’re okay. You’re going to be okay. We’ll take you home_.” This is in Japanese. “ _Do you want to go home Akihiro_?”My father. 

“I don’t have a home.” I sob. “I’m not a person.”

“Stop crying.” He says gently. “Stop crying and talk to me.”

“He can’t stop crying.” That voice interludes. “Don’t try to make him.”

That aftershave… even in space, I’d recognize it.

Reed puts a hand on my neck, turning me towards him. “Daken….” he says gently, “It’s not your fault. It would have played out the same way… and things aren’t what you think they are-“

“The hole… he… god.”

“I know what you’re thinking.” Reed says gently, “But it’s okay. It’s not what you think it is.”

God.

The hole

The liquid

The blood

Mush.

Johnny’s brains were mush.

“Johnny- “

“We all miss Johnny terribly.” Reed says. “But things are not what you think they are.”

I try to bang my head against something, but Logan’s holding me too securely.

“Logan…. He’s ….” Wanda stops. “Is there anything we can do?”

Logan sighs. “Just give us the hall.”

“Alright…”

I’ve embarrassed him.

I sob again.

“No, no, no.”

“Logan- don’t suppress him.” Reed chides. “Comfort.”

“Comfort?”

“Let him feel how he feels. You’re going to make it worse.”

Johnny.

Dead.

But…

“Things aren’t what they seem.” Reed says gently. “I can’t tell you much more than that.”

Logan brings a hand up- stroking it through my hair.

“When’s the last time you showered?” He asks quietly. Like the question was just for me.

“In the… hole… oh-”

He hisses.

“The hole… Johnny… Johnny’s head.. hole… his .. his… brains. Hole… My fault… Logan said it was my fault… the hole… in his head… Johnny- Johnny!”

“Yea… why’s he doing that?” Logan asks lowly.

“He can’t process it.” Laura answers. “I tried to make him face it originally. Letting him look for Johnny turned out to be the best course of action.”

“Johnny… Johnny. I can’t find him… I can’t find him. Missing. Johnny’s missing-“

“No-“

“Dead... no not missing… dead.. Johnny… the hole… oh god.”

“He’s going in circles.” Logan notes.

“He’s upset, Logan.” Reed says pointedly. “You handle him very poorly when he’s like this.”

“It just seems… I mean I understand he’s been off his meds…. But this seems like a major step backward.”  
“His time in captivity had something to do with that. “

“No… no..”

“It happened son. Okay? It happened. Just… calm down. You’ll process it better if stay-“

“NO! please…. no.”

“You need a shower.” Logan says gently. “And food? Did you eat?”

“He ate.” Laura interrupts.

“A shower sounds lovely.” Reed agrees. “Or a bath. There’s a bathing room in one of the rooms on this floor… it’s rather large.”

“Can you find your way there?” Logan asks me.

I feel sick.

His head.

His head.

And his brains.

The smell… I remember the smell.

Mush. My hands were covered in mush.

They put me to bed like that.

Every time I moved the sheets were covered in filth.

“Logan… he needs supervision.” Laura says lowly. “And he doesn’t like for me to see him naked.”

“Right…. I'll stand outside the door and-”

“You’re not understanding me.” Laura says. “He NEEDS supervision. If you leave him alone he will die.”

"I'm not bathing him, Laura." Logan says in obvious distress. 

He doesn't want to help me.

Heroes help people. 

I'm not a person. 

My sobs are quiet now.

Not gone- but quiet.

"If you don't bathe him, he won't bathe." She says. "If you don't feed him, he won't eat. If you don't put him to bed, he won't sleep. If you don't watch him, he won't live." 

“He’s dead! I kill—killed him.”

"Complete and total breakdown." Laura continues. "That's what I was trying to tell you. We were going to break the news to him slowly on earth. Where we knew we could keep him safe." 

They didn't know me. 

No one knew me. 

Now they know me. 

The crazed lunatic who killed the only man he ever loved. 

“Let’s get up.” He starts to push me to my feet.

I feel so sick. I push back weakly, slumping to the floor.

He stands beside me. “No Akihiro. You have to stand”

I curl into a ball on the floor.

“I’m nothing.”My voice is small . 

“No, son. You are a person.” Logan says gently. “You are a person who needs to get off of the floor.”

“His head… was..”

Three days worth of meals lands on my father’s boots. I stare at it through tears.

I’m sick.

“I need a doctor.”I blink in confusion.

“No- you’re just upset.”

“I need a doctor for Johnny.” I try again. "If I'm sick- he's probably sick too." 

"Uh..." Logan looks around. "Daken- you... do you remember-" 

"Johnny needs a doctor." 

And I need to find Johnny. 

NO, wait.   
That's wrong. 

“Johnny has doctors.” Reed bends down to my level. “You are going to be okay.”

I throw up again.

Logan groans.  
“Ah… okay… son.” He sounds a little annoyed. “Feeling better?”

I puke again as if prompted.

He moves out of the way this time.

“Logan… perhaps it’s best just to let him lay there.”

“For how long?” Logan asks impatiently.

“Leave him with Laura.” Reed instructs. “You need a crash course on management.”

“And you’re going to give it to me?” He growls.

Reed motions to me. “You were with him for less than five minutes. Look at the damage you’ve done.”

Logan sighs. “Akihiro,” He bends down to me. “Akihiro- can you hear me?”

“Not my name.” I gulp down more tears.

“That is your name.” Logan presses. “That’s your person name.”

Person name.

I am nothing.

I am nothing.

I do not deserve the space I inhabit.

“Stay with Laura.” He says gently. “I’m gonna go figure something out- okay? When I come back I’m going to take great care of you. We’ll get you clean and get you ready to go home.”

“I don’t have a home.”

“You’ll always have a home with me.” He says just as gently. “I gotta go talk to Reed. Stay with Laura.”

“Did I fix him?”

That's why it's wrong. 

Johnny doesn't need a doctor. Johnny's dead. 

“No.. no Akihiro. You didn’t fix him.”

“I fixed him.” I counter.. .. “Please. I fixed him.”

“No son. You didn’t.”

"Logan. " Reed says pointedly. "Now is not the time to argue with him." 

“Please.” It’s all I can do. “Please.”

“Stay with Laura.” Logan says. “I’ll be back.”

“Please.”

“He’s going to say that for a while.” Laura says. “Go with Reed. You need briefed to a degree I am not able to handle.”

He pauses. “I’m sorry X.”

She sighs. “Go, Logan. Please. Just go.”

“Please.” I beg weakly.

Where is Johnny?

Please… Someone..

Where is Johnny?


	28. Broken Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Self Injury in this chapter. 
> 
> And this is going to be one of the last ones. So, I'll say it in the last chapter, and here i guess- thank you so much for reading. This one's been very, very, long and if you're still with me and still reading then I can't tell you how happy that makes me. 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading and letting me know what you think. I'll try to have this wrapped up and over in the next few days.

“Help.”

I need assistance. 

I don't know where I am and I can't find where I've been. 

I went to sleep and woke up somewhere new. 

No one would tell me where I was. They shushed me. Talked over me. Walked around me. 

I panicked.   
The panic grew. 

My mind settled into a haze deeper than ever before. 

Now I don't know where I am. 

“Shh, shh.” Sweet voice.

A gentle breeze blows across my face.

The sheets rustle underneath me.

“Hel-“

“It’s all okay.” The voice repeats. Sweet accent. “Shh… relax. It’s all okay.”

“‘Ro. Ship leaves in four hours.” A gruff voice joins the first one.

“We’ll be there.” The sweet voice answers. “He just needs to cool down.”

Cool down.

No.

I’m not hot.

I’ll never be hot again.

…. The breeze feels nice, though.

“Doc says they’re going to meet us at runway upstate.” Gruff voice says. “They’re on standby.”

“I’m sure everything will be fine.” The voice soothes again. “How is Laura?”

“She’s fine.” 

Everything is dark.

“Did you talk it out with her?” The voice asks quietly.

The breeze stops.

“I did what I could.” The second voice responds. “She seems to be okay.”

They're both quiet for a moment.

I can feel tension.

“You can ask, Logan.” The voice says, almost sweetly. “Ask.”

The man clears his throat. “How is he?”

I jerk a little and the breeze picks back up.

“No sentences.” She says. “Tiny clipped phrases…. He can’t pass any awareness evaluation.”

“Oh.” The voice is quiet. “Any good news?”

“We’ve made him comfortable?” The woman says hesitantly.

“How do you know he’s comfortable if he isn’t aware of anything?”

“We’ve figured out things he likes.” The woman says gently. “And moved from there.”

“What he likes?”

“He likes this room. He likes when there's cold air on his face…. And he likes when we talk to him. I’ve been writing them down in case they came in handy later.”

Who is the ‘he’ they’re talking about?

Is he me?

Are they talking about me?

“How’s he going to react when he’s not in this room anymore?”

The voice sighs. “We’ll just recreate the lighting. That’s what he’s looking at.”

“So he wants to sit in the dark with a fan on him?” This voice doesn't like me. 

“Yes.” The woman replies. “I’m sure an open window would work… but seeing as we have neither fans nor open windows on the space station- I will sit with him until we are unloading him.”

“I appreciate it.” The man says. “He doesn’t react to me.”

“He doesn’t react to anyone.” The woman corrects. “I just calm him down and keep him cool.”

“Please.” I don’t know where I am. “Please.” My mantra. My prayer. I don't know where I am. I plead with these people for information. For help. For something to break me out of this fog. 

“Yes, yes.” The woman says. “It’s all okay.” There is pressure on my forehead. “What do you need?”

I don’t know.

I’m…

“Should he be under for the last leg of the ride?”

“…. I’m not sure.” The man sounds closer.

Johnny…

Where is Johnny?

He’s…

No. NO.

Oh god.

“Oh no.” The woman says. “No, no, darling. Don’t cry.”

“What did I do?” The man sounds upset.

“He just cries sometimes, Logan. It’s nothing you did.” More pressure on my face. Something wet rubbed across it. “We can’t get him to drink.” The woman says quietly. “I’m impressed that he still has tears at this point.”

What's going on?

Why…?

Why?

What?

What am I doing?

Where am I?

Home?

They said home.

Am I home?

Back at my house.

Where is Johnny?

I can’t… move.

“No, no.” The woman chides. “We had to restrain you. Don’t pull- okay? Don’t pull. You’ll hurt your wrists.”

“‘Ro… maybe you should just leave him alone…”Gruff voice. If they leave me alone I'll have no ties to this reality. 

“He wails when he’s alone.” The woman says pointedly. " I think it scares him." 

“Maybe that’s just how it has to be…. I'm sure if we left him alone long enough- he wouldn't be scared anymore.”

The woman sighs. “Logan… I am aware that you are uncomfortable with the turn his illness has taken. But please- support him. He needs you. Being alone truly does frighten him.”

"He's not aware enough to be frightened." The man says softly. "I think you and the others just want to push that off on him and-"   
  
"Why would we want that?" 

"So you have someone to take care of?" The man doesn't like me. 

"Logan- is it really that hard to support him right now? Can you really not let go of your anger? He took your toy. He left without your permission. Logan- he is hurting. Please- support him." 

“I am supporting him.” The man hisses. “I just…. Does he really need to be coddled like this?”

“Coddled?” The woman sounds angry.

“Coddled.” The man presses. “Let’s just… leave him alone for a few hours and see how he does. If he’s not okay by the time we put him back on the ship- we’ll go back to doing it your way.”

"He is scared when he is alone!" She says. "He hurts himself- look," Something touches my wrists. "He was cutting himself- Logan. We had to restrain him.... it took them an hour to clean the bathroom down the hall. It looked like a scene from a horror movie." 

"He'll get better if we leave him alone." The man insists. 

Please don't leave me alone. 

Please.   
  
Don't. 

"He will not." The woman says. "He needs-"   
  
"We're going to leave him alone 'Ro." The man snaps. "He's my son. I'm his guardian, I say we're going to leave him alone." 

There’s silence before the woman sighs. “You are right- he’s your child. I will follow your wishes.”

There’s movement on my arms and legs. “You’re unrestrained.” The gruff voice says quietly. “Spend some time doing what you need to do to feel better. Stay in here, leave here, do what you want.”

“Try to relax.” The woman says in parting. She sounds sad. 

They leave me in the dark.

I can move… but I can’t.

Johnny can’t move.

Or he wasn’t.

He wasn’t moving.

Why wasn’t he…

He’s dead.

The dead don't move.

Dead.

Three shots.

Bam. Dead.

No claw marks.

I didn’t do it.

Someone said I did it…

But I didn’t.

I pull my knees up to my chest.

I can’t suffer anymore.

I can’t.

This is all…

These years have been too much.

I can’t handle this pain.

No one is around. I’m in the dark.

I'm alone. 

The darkness scares me more than anything. 

There's no telling what world I'm in. 

I rest my right hand over my left wrist and slowly extend my claws. The claws catch and shred the skin of my wrist. Warm liquid is deposited into the mess of sheets covering me.

He said to do what I needed to.

I wait for the wound to close and withdraw the claw, opening up another wound.

That one closes just in time for me to extend the claw again.

More blood.

It doesn’t calm me down.

But the mechanical process of extending and retracting over and over again makes me feel useful.

I like feeling useful.

Over and over.

In and out.

Over and over.

The bed is wet now.

Over and over.

I can’t bring myself to wail.

No wailing.

The voices won’t like that.

Quiet now.

Over and over.

In and out.

Over and over.

I extend until everything is wet.

My face.

The bed.

The sheets.

Things are getting hazy.

Blood loss.

This should be it.

I could go see him.

I could-

“I forgot something in the barracks!” New voice.

“Storm said-“

“Logan said it was fine.” Two voices.

Lights flash on.

Over and over.

In and out.

“Can you at least not turn the light on like that?” The second voice hisses.

“Logan said to treat him like everything was normal.” These voices are young.

Hello, young voices.

Poor young people.

They have no clue.

I have a clue.

‘keep going.’ Shifter praises. 'you’re almost there.’ He’s been so nice to me today.

Shifter is nice if you do everything he says.

“I don’t think you should be in here Quentin.”

“Shut up.” The voice snaps. “Logan said to treat him like normal. He shouldn’t be sleeping in this room like this. He’s kept everyone out- and,” The voice stops. “I’m… what am I looking at?”

“Oh my god.” The other voice gasps. “That’s blood.” It swallows. “A lot of blood." the owner of the voice gulps.“How…”

“No, no.” The first voice says. “Logan said to treat him like normal.”

“This isn’t normal.”

There’s a presence near me. It casts a shadow over the small bunk. “Hey.” It says hotly. “You bled all over the floor. You have to clean this up.”

“Quentin- “

“Clean it up.” The voice presses.

In and out.

Over and over.

“Did you hear me?? Stop-” There’s a pressure on my hand, well below the claws. “Stop it. You have to clean this mess up.”

“Have you seen Johnny?” It’s a good time to ask. I don’t think I’ve seen these people before.

“Your dead boyfriend?”

“Quentin!” The other voice snaps.

"What?" The boy says to his companion. "It's true- isn't it?" 

“I can’t find him.”

There. I can talk in sentences.

I'm aware. 

You can stay with me, young people.   
Then I wouldn't be alone. 

“Because he’s dead.” The voice says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“Oh.”

“Oh?” The voice repeats.

“Am I dead yet?” I ask quietly.

The hand on mine pulls my arms apart. Holding the one with the claws in the air.

“No. But you should be.”

“I should.” I agree. “I should be dead.”

“Quentin!” The second voice gasps again. “Why would you say that??”

“I meant because of the blood he’s lost!” The other voice says defensively. “It’s everywhere!”

Everyone is quiet.

“I’m lost.” I say as quietly as possible. “The rooms have moved. Where is the storage room? Not in the mess hall. I lost the mess hall.”

“I don’t know where any of those places are.” The voice clears its throat. “I came in here for my phone. If you bled on it, I will skin you.”

He moves from my bunk to the one attached to it.

"Of all the people they could have put next to me." He grumbles. 

"Daken- are you okay?" The second voice sounds sweet. Caring. Young. I don't deserve this voice. 

"I'm fine." I reply, somewhat weakly. 

I'm waiting for the angry voice's reaction. If I bled on his phone or not. 

“This is gross.” He complains. “He’s bled all over the floor.” There’s more quiet. “Fuck! I stepped in it!”

“Are you going to skin me?” I ask quietly. 

“What?” The voice is very preoccupied.

“Skin me?” I don't know if I'm excited by that or not. I want to be in pain. 

“No.” It snaps. “I’m not going to touch your crazy ass.”

Crazy? 

Am I crazy? 

"I'm not crazy." I try to defend. "I just... I had to bleed. I was alone and I... I had to. That doesn't make me crazy."  

"Fuck yeah it does." The first voice scoffs. "Do you see anyone else on this station tearing open their veins when they're left alone??"  

OH. "I guess not."  

"You 'guess not'." He snaps. "Look at this mess you've made."  

Why does everyone hate me? I haven't done anything to him. He came into the room hating me.  

“We should tell Logan…”

“No. Logan is at his school. He doesn’t care.” I supply. “I’m not a person- you see. People don’t care about mongrels.”

“That’s not-“

“Evan,” The first voice snaps. “He’s obviously having a moment. Don’t get more involved than you are.”

“He’s… bleeding.”

“Yes. And he’s going to clean it up.” The voice growls. “Like a normal person. But we don’t need to be here for that.”

We’re quiet again.

“Have you seen Johnny?”

There’s a groan. “I don’t know what part of ‘dead’ you’re not getting.”

“Dead? Oh.”

Crumble crumble crumble. Down down down.

“Okay…” The voice says. “Is he coming back on the ship with us? I don’t want to spend another minute near him. Crazy like this is contagious.”

“Not contagious.” I admonish. “They took the contagious part away.”

My powers. I haven’t used them in days.

No one wants to feel this.

I try to sway people… but the only emotion I can get them to feel is disgust.

I tried on one of the nurses… she handled me very roughly after that.

I tried on soldiers and got a gun pulled on me.

So I stopped trying.

I don’t need more people to hate me.

Logan is making them hate me. Because Logan hates me.

He’s mad I’m not normal.  
He wants them to treat me like normal.

Normal people are people. I’m not a person.

I’m not his son.

I’m his creature.

I embarrass him.

These voices are disgusted with me.

I am disgusting.

“Jesus Christ.” One of the voices hisses. “Just.. take it easy man. Your head is a mess… we’ll leave you alone- alright? Just please… stay away from me. I don’t want to hear any more of your thoughts.”

Even my head is disgusting.

The first presence leaves but the second stays. “Um… Daken? I’m sorry if you don’t like this and you can totally be angry with me if you want… but I’m going to tell Logan about this… alright? I think… he needs to know.”

"Please don't." I try to get my head on straight. "He told me to do what I had to do.... he gave me permission." 

Logan…

No.

Not…

"I don't think he meant that you should cut yourself." The boy says gently. "I can tell him how upset you are- if you think that will help. I think he really needs to know how ... sad you are?" 

“I can clean it up.” I offer.

“That doesn’t erase the fact that you did it in the first place.”

"I'll clean it up." I say firmly. "I didn't bleed on your friend's phone. You don't have to get Logan. I can clean it up and it will be like it never happened." 

I am not a person. Why would Logan care?

I am his problem.

His disaster.

He looks at me with disgust.

"I'm still going to talk to him." The boy leans over and lightly taps my shoulder. "Please stay here until he arrives." 

I should leave. 

He told me to go somewhere else. 

I can stumble around in the hallways for a few hours. 

Last time he got very angry with me for doing that. He said if I was going to get lost every three minutes that I should stay in the housing wing. 

This particular room houses ten bunk beds. Five lined up on one side, five on the other.  There's a large walkway in the middle. 

My crying ran the people off. I tried to be queit.. but it wasn't working. 

The voice is gone now. I don’t hear any breathing.

I slowly roll to my feet and strip the bed before lowering myself to the floor and starting to clean up the blood.

He was right- it’s everywhere.

I try to soak it up but the sheet won’t hold anymore.

It makes ugly rust colored smears on the tiles of the floor. I can’t grab another sheet…. The next bed over his that voice’s.. that boys.

I shouldn’t touch his things.

For some reason, the fact that the blood is not coming up really upsets me.

It’s all over me and it’s still on the floor. I strip the pillow case off the pillow on the bed and try to use that as well.

It’s not working.

None of this is working.  
My hands are shaking and I can barely see through tear blurred eyes.

The blood won’t come up.

It won’t…

I’ve failed

I’ve failed again.

Where are you? they ask.

And I fail.

What time of day is it?

And I fail.

Where is Johnny?

And I fail.

I can’t take any more failure.

My arms are shaking now.

I’m so scared of what happens after this last failure.

This will be the last time. They’ll get rid of me.

Thirty people are waiting to take care of me.

And he didn’t even know how many questions I couldn’t answer. Or how I couldn’t get the blood off the floor.

I’m a problem.

I have always been a problem. I will always be a problem.  
I should have stayed dead.

Logan was right to drown me.

Shifter was right to try and kill me.

I deserve it.

I killed Johnny.

Johnny was the only good thing I had in this world.. and I killed him.

I scrub harder at the floor.. it’s not...

It’s not coming up.

It’s not coming up.

WHY WON’T IT COME UP???

“no, no, no, no.” I try to reason with it. “you have to come off the floor.” I whisper. “please. you don’t understand what’s going to happen.”

There are footsteps by the door.

Coming in the room.

Coming down in between the bunks.

“please, please, please come up.” I beg.

I can’t look.

"please." 

The footsteps stop in front of me. The person they belong to crouches down and puts their hands over my blood stained ones, stopping me from moving.

I try to pull away but they press down, pinning my hands and the blood-stained cloth to the floor. Not hard enough to hurt. Just hard enough for them to hold me still.

“You hurt yourself?”

I can’t place the voice.

A sudden fear grips me.

"I want to clean this up." I whisper.  

One of the hands moves from mine to my chin, lifting my face until I’m looking at them. My eyes don’t make sense of their face.

“You’re covered in blood.” The voice continues.

“I’m sorry.” I whisper. “It won’t come up.”

“How did it get there?”

I shake my head. “I don’t want to say.”

“I think you need to say.” The voice says. “How did the blood get there?”

I yank my head away from the person and start scrubbing again.

They let me do so for about two minutes before taking my face again. “Akihiro.” They say gently. “That’s enough.”

“I’m sorry.” I repeat. “I’m sorry.”

“Did you hurt yourself?” The person asks.

I nod jerkily. I still can’t place this person.

“A lot?”

I nod again.

“And this is all your blood?”

I look down and retrieve the sheet that’s hidden behind me. The one that’s soaked all the way through.

“I see.”

More footsteps.

“Call in sanitation for me.” The voice says behind it. It doesn’t sound mad. “And get me Storm- would you?”

“Yes, professor.” The footsteps leave.

“They weren’t coddling you- were they?” The voice muses. “No. You really need that kind of treatment.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry? For being sick?”

…. “It won’t come up.”

“The blood?” The voice questions. “We have people for that. They’ll clean it up.” The hand goes to my shoulder. “Akihiro.” The voice says gently. “Where are you?”

“I’ll fail.” I choke.

“Fail at what?”

“I’ll fail.” I repeat, trying to choke back more tears. “I can’t fail anymore.”

"What can't you fail at?" 

"I can't fail. Please don't make me." 

There's a pause. 

“What time of day is it?” It continues

“I don’t know.” I shake my head. "I don't know." 

“Where are you? Are you in the base? The ship? The Space Station? Earth?”

“Out of time.” I answer. “I’m out of time.”

“Where are you?” It repeats.

“Earth?” I ask weakly.

“No.” It responds. “You’re not on earth.”

“In my house.”

“You’re not on earth.” It repeats. “Where are you?”

“In the hospital.”

“You’re not on earth.” The voice says for the third time. “Akihiro- where are you?”

“I don’t know.” I hang my head. “I don’t know.”

It’s silent before asking, “Where is Johnny?”

“Sleeping.”

“Where is Johnny?” It repeats.

“At my house.”

“No. Where is Johnny?”

“In a room.”

“Okay, that’s not bad. Where is the room?”

“In my house.”

“No- “

“We’re going to my house.” I say weakly. "His mission is over. We're going to my house." 

“No- you’re not. You’re not on earth- remember?”

“I’m going to my house.” I repeat weakly. "My things are there." 

“No son. You’re not.”

“Johnny is at my house.. with my things. We're all going home.”

“No. He’s not.”

“I’m going home.”

The voice pauses. “You are going home.” It agrees. “And you’re going to rest. I think you need the rest.”

“I’m not tired.” My voice is shaky.

“You’re very tired.” It corrects. “And you’ll have people to help you.”

I require assistance.

My bracelet.

My mark.

I need help.

“Where is Johnny?” I ask the voice.

“Dead. Johnny died.”

“No…”

“Yes.” It interrupts. “Johnny sent you a message. You tried to relay the message but no one would listen to you. So you and Laura stole a jet and went to the coordinates Johnny sent you. The coordinates were off. You ended up in a swamp. You were picked up by a couple of scavengers who worked for a man who everyone called ‘The boss’. The boss was running a militia that was trying to take over the government. He also experimented on and tortured his captives. Johnny was one of his captives. You found Johnny. Johnny tried to help you. You tried to help him. The boss got angry at Johnny and shot him in the head.”

“The room-” I interject.

“There was no magic room. There was no ‘fixing’. You couldn’t put his head back together.”

“We’re going home.” I state numbly.

“You tried to put Johnny back together… but you couldn’t handle it. You got very sick. More so than you’d been in a very long time. You tried to kill yourself. They stopped you. Your brain got very confused and you forgot that Johnny was dead. You went looking for him. You looked for three days until I came to get you. We had a fight. I upset you and you got even sicker. I tried to face this by pretending it wasn’t happening… you showed me that that wasn’t an option.”

“We’re going home.” I repeat.

The person is undoubtedly my father. I can’t see him through blurred vision.

“We’re going home.” He says gently. “And there’s going to be an ambulance at the base we’re landing at. They're going to take you back to the hospital… you remember?”

“Home….”

“Not right away.” He presses on. “You’re going to go to the hospital and get rested up. When you can be a little more functional on your own, you’ll come back home to my school.”

“Where will Johnny stay?”

“Johnny is dead.” Logan says gently. “They’ll bury him. You can go to this funeral- alright? We’ll make sure you can go.”

There’s a tense silence.

“Where are you?” He asks again.

“Not home.”

“Not home. I’ll take that. Where is Johnny?”

“Not home.”

“Not home.” He repeats. “What’s his state?”

“New York.”

“No,” Logan chuckles wryly. “No. His physical state.”

“Not home.” I repeat weakly. “Not home.”

“Okay.” Logan agrees. “Okay. That’s good for now.”

"Are you mad?" 

"Mad?" 

I motion to the blood in front of me. "I'm sorry." 

He's quiet, staring. 

I take the opportunity to go back to scrubbing. 

"That's not going to soak any more up." He says, holding my hands up in the air. "You're making a bigger mess now." 

Footsteps again.

Logan doesn’t move from his spot in front of me as the person approaches.

“What happened here?” The woman from before.

“That’s the sound of you being right darlin’,” Logan says. “I tested him again… he doesn’t have a clue.”

“Were the answers consistent with previous tests?” Storm also bends down.

“Spot on.” Logan affirms.

“Poor thing.”

Thing.

Not person.

Thing.

"Ororo is going to help us." He announces to me. "I know you're not keeping track of people very well. Thought you'd like to know." 

Ororo is sweet. Kind. Strong. 

I can see... 

I can't see. 

I.. don't know.   
  
I don't know anything. 

I failed. 

I failed again. 

The blood is here, the questions have been said, and their minds have been made. 

I'm not to be kept. I'm too much hassle. I'm too big of a mess. Too much of an embarrassment. Too much of a ... mistake. 

"I can clean this up." I try to assure them. I can fix this mistake. I can fix it and then they won't send me away.  

Both of them are quiet. 

I shake loose my hands and pick up the sheet at Logan's feet.   
  
"Oh my god." Storm says quietly. "There was more blood?" 

"Yea... they're gonna have to toss the matress." 

"I can pay for that." I offer weakly, starting to scrub again. 

"Daken-"   
  
I shake my head.   
  
"Son-"   
  
My knuckles are turning white from how hard I'm gripping the cloth. 

"I can clean this up." I'm embarrassed to hear the tremor in my voice. 

"He thinks that's what I'm upset about." Logan informs her. "I'm not, for the record. We've got sanitation coming in." 

"He's coated in blood." 

"Yea- it's on the floor, obviously." Logan gestures. "Watch where you step."

"I tried," I say weakly. "I failed. Please don't get rid of me."

"Get rid of you?" Storm asks sweetly.  

I nod. "I have to go back to the hospital." This brings actual tears to my eyes.   

"I think you'd do best at the hospital." She says. "Don't you?"  

I shake my head. "He didn't say which one."  

"Which... one?"  

I nod, trying to scrub again.  

"No, no." He holds my hands tightly. "Daken, I'm not sending you back tot he asylum. Is that what you think?"  

I nod quickly.  

"No, no. I wouldn't do that. What makes you think I would do that?"  

"You hate me." 

Storm glances at Logan. 

"Daken- son- I don't hate you." 

"You've hated me since they rescued me." I feel myself crying again. 

"Akihiro," He takes my hands again. "Akihiro, no." He says gently. "No, I don't hate you." 

I slump forward, unable to fight any of this anymore. 

Logan takes me in his arms, holding me for a second before arranging himself to better lift me. "He needs a bath." He tells Storm. 

I close my eyes. 

"I see that." 

“Let’s take him to the showers and get him washed before we leave.” Logan says. “I don’t think he’ll do well in the actual showers…. Maybe we could put him over a drain and make a little rain for him?“

“Say no more.” Storm says gently.

"Make sure there are no kids in the hallway before I bring him out." 

"Okay." 

"And call Hank. Tell him to tell the doctors to meet us with some of his meds." 

"I understand." 

Storm parts and Logan stands there for a minute. "Relax." He says gently. "I'm going to take care of everything. I promise. Everything is gonna be alright." 

I feel myself shaking and I don't know why. 

"It's okay Akihiro." He says. "Everything's going to be okay." 

 


	29. Something True

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings in this chapter.  
> Just some much needed relief from the depressing shit.  
> Thanks for reading!

Everything is a blur.

Everything is always a blur.

The last thing I remember that was entirely clear was Logan. Very close to my face. Very real. “I can see you on Mondays and Thursdays.” He had said. “Can you remember that?”

I didn’t understand.

He can see me every day.

I’m at my house.

I’m down the road from him.

He can …

“Where are you?”

Where is Johnny?

“Daken- where are you today? You don’t seem to be here.” A woman’s voice.

Not Logan’s.

Logan… Logan was just here.

I swear- he was…Mondays and Thursdays.

What was he talking about?

“H.. home.” I stammer. “I’m home.”

“No dear, you’re confused again. Why don’t you come away from the window? I’ll help set everything right.” 

This… isn’t my window.

There are bars… bars on the window.

“Why are there bars on my window?” I ask the woman behind me. “Why are you in my house?”

“Because you’re not where you think you are.” A female voice is very close behind me now. Hands take my shoulders and turn me away from the window. The window that’s not my window. To the room that is not my room. To the building that is not my house.

I have to admit that it’s a shock.

“Now. Where are you?” She asks, voice warm and calm. 

Where am I?

Not space.

Not the alien planet.

Not the alien base.

Not the pit.

Not the dungeon.

Not Shifter’s hole.

Not the asylum.

Not the Baxter Building.

“…. New York?” I venture.

“Yes!” The woman cheers. “Very good.”

Very good.  
Knowing where I am is good.

The woman is dressed in purple pants and a light purple top- looking like a.. nurse. A nurse? Why is there a nurse in my house?

“It’s Monday.” The woman says. “It’s almost time for visiting hours.”

Visiting hours?

Mondays and Thursdays.

“Do you remember where to go for visitation?”

Where… am I?

“N..no.” No. “This isn’t my house.”

This… isn’t the school.

This isn’t Logan’s house.

This isn’t Johnny’s old house.

“No, it’s not.” The woman says cheerfully, actually clapping her hands. “That’s very good that you noticed that, Daken. Doctor Morris will be very happy.”

Happy?

Morris will be happy that I know this is not my house.

The question now is- where is this place?

“Where am I?” I hate to ask. I hate to show this weakness… but I know this probably isn’t the first time I’ve asked her this question. And I know, as much as I hate to admit it, it probably won’t be the last. 

“Clearwater.” She continues to guide me. “And we’re very happy to have you.” She pauses. “Sweetie- do you not remember anything?”

Clearwater? 

“Hospital.” I exhale. “I’m in a hospital.”

“Right.” She says.

 Am I happy to be here?

“Where is Johnny?”

“That’s a topic you have to discuss with Doctor Morris.” She smiles. “Right now, let’s get ready for visitation.”

Where are we going?

This place is so big.

The floors are cold underfoot... I feel them through my thin socks. Where are my shoes? 

We pass a desk that has a man with his hair pulled into a bun reading a small book. The hairstyle irks me.  

"Daken." He greets, not looking up. 

I stare at him in confusion. 

He smiles. "It'll come back to you." 

What is he talking about? 

"Mark.” The woman says in a tone I can’t place. 

He nods to the woman. "Who's the actress that played in 'Legally Blonde'?" He looks up from his book, pausing with a pen held in in his right hand.

He’s doing a crossword out of what looks like one of those puzzle books you would buy in a grocery store.  

"Reese Witherspoon." The woman says with a chuckle. "I can't believe how bad you are at those things.” 

The man smiles. "I'm getting better." 

The woman continues to push on my shoulder. "Do you happen to have another hair band on you?" She asks the man as we move. 

"Mmhmm." He doesn't look up. 

"Can I borrow it?" 

"Sure." 

She nods. "I've got to get Daken changed. I'll come back for it." 

We stop at the door to a bedroom. It's large and dark in the evening light. The bars on this window are a little more prominent than the other bars. 

I vaguely recall doing something to them once upon a time. Why do I remember that? When was that? 

I don’t know who’s room it is.

I shouldn’t go in.

“Go on Daken.” The woman gestures for me to enter. “That’s your room. Go sit on your bed and we’ll pick out an outfit.”

It doesn’t smell like me.

But then I smell so weird here.

They bathe me very thoroughly in soap that smells far too much like disinfectant.

I ask them to stop and they say they can’t. They say I have to stay clean.

“Won’t you wash?” They ask.

I can’t. I never can.

The woman does it. I know that much. She sings in the shower. Apparently, even when it’s not her taking the shower.

Her voice has a slight high pitched tone to it.

Like a Disney princess.

The blonde woman who visits me... Sue. That woman is Sue. Sue brings her kids when she can’t find anyone to watch them. Sue visits me. The kids watch Disney movies on the TV while Sue and I talk.

They all sing.

All of them.

The woman sings like a Disney princess. She sings songs from the 80’s. Pop songs. Power ballads. All sung in that Disney perfect voice.

I… like it.It’s calming.

“Go sit on your bed.” She urges me with one hand while brushing back her hair from her face with another.   
  
She smells like hair dye. Her brown hair is a bit too much for a woman her age. Not being mean, just saying.

“What are you looking at dear?” 

I realize that I’ve frozen. 

“Daken?” 

I shake my head to clear it. “Your hair,” I admit. “I’m looking at your hair.” 

“I told you I was going to dye it.” She says with a smile. “Yesterday, I think.” 

“It looks good.” I think that’s the right thing to say. 

“Thank you.” She grins. “Now go sit on your bed.”  

I do as instructed, feeling awkward and out of place. 

“You don’t have time for a shower….” She says, turning on the light and walking to the side of the room with a wardrobe on it. It’s nice. She opens the door and finds it empty. “That’s my fault dear, Mark and I were arguing over a television show. We’ll get one tomorrow morning.” She turns her attention to a black bag sticking out from underneath the bed. “Hmmm. Packed up again- huh?” She says to herself. 

I look around the room. 

  “Now.” She claps her hands again. "On to the matter at hand. What would you like to wear?”

“Socks.” I don’t hesitate. I feel that if I want my requests to be taken seriously here, I need to be as direct and straightforward as possible. 

“Socks?” She chuckles. “You just want socks so you don’t have to wear shoes.”

I nod.

“You don’t have to wear shoes.. but you can’t just wear socks. Your guests are quite used to seeing you in various states of undress… but it looks bad on my part if I willingly let you set around naked.”

I don’t like being naked outside of the shower.

I have to grudgingly agree with her. Clothing is needed.

“What else would you like to wear?”

I don’t change my clothing.I mean- physically I do. But I don’t pick out new clothing.

I want to wear the same thing all day, every day.

I theorize that if I keep everything the same as the day before I’ll start to break through the blur. I’ll remember more. I won't get confused as often.

This woman makes me change. It’s not just me, though- she changes the bedding.She changes the order of the schedule. She changes the decorations around the ward. She even moves some of the furniture around.

She changes everything.

It gets me so upset sometimes that I have to scream at her.

She...... doesn’t take that well.

“How about your jeans and- “

My eyes drift to my gray sheets.

Gray.

“Like your eyes.” She said some time ago. “That’s why I picked them.”

She brings in things from the outside world. Clothing for me. Bedding. Things to put in the ward.

Some of them distantly smell like something I remember. Some place I recently forgot.

In front of me, I see a bug crawling up the bed. One I’ve never seen before.

Things are changing again.

The woman stops mid-sentence and looks at me. “What are you looking at?”

I bend over to get a better look.

It’s some kind of caterpillar.

A caterpillar that’s imprinted with a face.

A tiny little face.... almost human like.

“The caterpillar.”

The woman joins me. “Sweetie- there’s no caterpillar on the bed.”

“It has a human face.” I mumble

“There’s definitely no caterpillar on your bed.” She restates. “Sit back up.”

“But there is.” I point it out to her. “And it has a face.”

We sit in silence for a second before she goes, “Daken- do caterpillars have human faces?”

“…No. But this one-“

“So if they don’t have human faces and you see one that I can’t see with a human face- do you think that’s real?”

“…… Johnny would like the caterpillar.” I don’t know why I feel like that settles this.

“Johnny probably would like the caterpillar.” she restates. “But I don’t.”

I dream of Johnny.

Johnny hooked up to a bunch of tubes.

Johnny in a wheelchair.

Johnny wrapped up like a mummy.

“He liked caterpillars.”

“I’m sure he did.” The woman agrees. “But this caterpillar isn’t real- is it?”

Johnny…

Fuck. I'm remembering again.   
  
That's what the man meant by "It'll come back to you." 

Johnny. Dead. In space. Me at the hospital. The fog. The people. The... faces. I can't recognize anyone. That's got to be the hardest turn my illness has taken. Something's fucked my brain up past the point of... function. 

Johnny would have had such a hard time dealing with me. Part of me is glad he never had to see me like this.  

They never came and got me for the funeral.

Logan told me they would.. but I haven’t seen him.

Not in all the time I’ve been here.

But then… I don’t know how long that is exactly.

“How long have I been here?” That should settle it. She’ll know. She knows everything.

The woman is digging through my clothes with her back to me. “What’s that dear?”

“This is not my house. How long have I been here?”

“You don’t know?” She looks over her shoulder.

I shake my head.

The woman puts down a pair of jeans and walks over to me. “Six months.” She says. “Would you like to see your admittance date in your file?”

“Four months…” I mumble.

“No sweetie, six months.” She smiles. “Can you tell me my name- Daken?”

“.. No.”

“No?”

“Have you told me before?”

“Yes, Daken, I have. We work together all day every day. Every day for the past six months.”

“Did I know you before?”

“Yes.”

“My mind is… gone.” I try to explain. “Everything is a blur.”

The woman takes my hands in hers “Not gone.” She says gently. “Just tired. Your brain is tired. You’re here for a rest.”

“I don’t feel rested.” I complain, looking as the caterpillar is joined by another. Another one with a different face.

The both pull faces of disgust.

“The caterpillars are angry with me.” I mutter.

“Caterpillars? As in plural? I thought there was only one.” She lets go of my hands.

“There’s another.”

What’s her name?

“Let’s focus less on the caterpillars and more on what you’re going to wear tonight.”

“Fine.” I sulk in my spot, crossing my arms. 

She sighs. “Don’t sound so sullen, dear. You know I’m not allowed to feed your hallucinations. If it’s not there I can’t pretend that is to make you feel better.”

“I know that?” Do I? 

“I say that every day.” She says quietly. “You’re supposed to working harder on remembering… like this morning? You remembered our rules on eating on your own.”

No… I was just hungry.

I let her think what she wants as I look around the room.

It’s a nice room.It looks expensive.

“Who is paying for this?” I question.

“Paying for what?” She goes back to digging in my things. Well, presumably my things. This is my room… my room that isn’t in my house. My room that isn’t in Logan’s house. The room by the nurse’s desk. That’s right. My room is by the nurse’s desk. If I lay on my side I can see the desk from my bed.

That’s how the night man watches me.

The man who’s at the desk now. 

Mark. She said his name was Mark. 

If I’m not sleeping, he talks to me while he does a crossword.

I know a lot of things.

I know a lot of things about a lot of things.

My master was very thorough with my education.

“This room.”

“Oh.” She chuckles. “Your father, dear.”

“My father?”

“Yes.”

“He still pays even though he doesn’t visit.” I muse.

She sighs. “Your father visits you twice a week. He brings you things… like your phone. Remember? So you could have pictures to remember things? Do you remember that?”

“My phone?” He brought me my phone?

“Yes. At the nurse’s desk. Did you forget?” She sighs. “Of course you did. You haven’t asked for it in days.”

“I thought I lost it.”

“Nope. It’s right where you left it.” She continues to dig. “Now, I just did your laundry.” She fusses. “Daken why did you ball all of your clothing up in your bag… why haven’t you put it away?”

“I’m leaving.” I inform. “Tomorrow.”

“Oh? And who’s order is that?”

“My Master is coming for me.” I don’t know why- but this is so vivid in my mind.

“Master again- huh? Your Master,” She huffs, lifting the bag from the ground to the bed behind me, “Is dead. He’s a voice in your head now.”

“He won’t let me stay here.” I warn. 

“He doesn’t get a say in your stay here.” She offers me an over the shoulder smile. “You’re completely safe from him.”

I don’t know why- but that makes everything feel so much lighter.

“Unpack your clothing.” She says gently. “You’re not going anywhere.”

We’re quiet for a moment.

“I’m not?” I ask finally. 

She shakes her head. “Not for a while.” 

“How long is a while?” 

The woman looks at me carefully. “A while.” She repeats. 

“I’m sick?” I infer. 

“Yes, dear. You’re sick.” 

“Can’t you just give me my meds?” I look at her concerned face. 

“If it were that easy, you’d have been home the first week.” She says. “Why don’t you talk about this with Doctor Morris- okay? She’ll have better answers.” 

I nod. 

The woman digs to the bottom of the bag and lets out an “A ha!” She turns to me. “You should wear this, Daken.” She holds up some white cloth. A shirt. “With your dark jeans.”

The shirt has buttons.

I used to like shirts with buttons.

“And a gray undershirt.” She pulls that out as well. “Look. This outfit is perfect!’

I look down at what I’m currently wearing.

“I like my shorts.”

“You’ve worn those shorts for three days.” The woman says. “That’s the limit. They need to be washed.”

“How long will it take to wash them?”

The woman sighs. “I’m doing a load of laundry this evening. But it’s not time to do your laundry. Put it in the dirty clothes and wait until the end of the week- “

“I like my shorts.”

“You’ve got your special visitor tonight.” The woman says. “You should look nice. Won’t you let me help you look nice?”

“My shorts are nice.” I look down at the blue material. These are my favorites. They’re sport shorts- something you’d wear to play basketball I think. I don’t want to give them up. 

“No honey. You’ve worn those shorts out. Change clothes and give them to me.” She passes the jeans to me.

Honey.

Honey is my favorite pet name.

This woman learned what my name means. She was horrified. She tries to use pet names often- but I’m not always comfortable with it. She mixes them in throughout the day to make herself feel better about calling me ‘mongrel’.

“I’m going to go. Get changed and I’ll be back in a few minutes.” She stops by the door. “I mean it Daken.” She says sternly. “Get changed- okay? No funny business. No tricks.” 

No tricks? 

“No tricks.” I agree. 

She nods. “Thank you.” 

There are no other people here.

Just me and my.. people.

The woman.

The doctors.

The men who guard the doors at night.

But Doctor Morris will be happy to hear that I know this is not my house.

Doctor Morris is a giant. She can also sing.

Or maybe I made the last part up?

No. I’m sure she sings.

I remember music.

I remember music from Johnny.

Johnny used to sing.  
He wasn’t that great at it. Often off key…. But it is calming.

I change clothing with numb fingers.

First, the shorts come off. I hold them in my hands for a minute, feeling the soft material.

The jeans that replace them are stiff against my legs.They feel loose.

…. They used to hug me tighter.

The undershirt feels fine enough.

I look at my body... Johnny liked my body.

It’s still the same as it was.

Even with the weight loss, my muscle mass stays the same.

Even with the lack of working out, my body stays the same.

Shifter liked my body too.

That thought makes me feel like there’s a pit in my stomach.

Maybe it’s best not to think about him.

I finish pulling on the over shirt- the one with the buttons. I don’t bother buttoning any of them.

That should be enough for my ‘special’ guest.

‘Special guest’. I see four people. I recognize none of them.

I miss my home terribly.

I miss my own people.

Johnny and Laura… even Logan.

The school kids.

The school noise.

My balcony.

But especially Johnny.

Six months in a long time.

I’m a lot better than I was.

I can move around now.

When I got here the blur was worse and I couldn’t move. They weren’t restraining me or anything- I just couldn’t will myself to do anything.

I sat in my room and stared out the window that is not mine.

All the windows are not mine.

There’s a knock on the wall outside of the room. “Changed?” She asks.

My room doesn’t have a door. Interesting. 

“Yes.”

“Good.” She smiles. The woman walks into the room and holds out her hand. “Give me the shorts.”

I’m hesitant to comply.

“Daken.” She says in a ‘warning’ tone. “No tricks.” 

I sigh and hand her the balled up shorts. “No tricks.” 

I feel like that’s something the two of us say a lot.

“Thank you.” She puts them in the used linens bin outside in the hallway. I follow her to the door, watching. She closes the heavy yellow lid that covers a large canvas bin on wheels. “Do not take them out of here.” She says firmly. 

I nod sullenly. 

 “Now… look at you. You look amazing.” She offers me a smile. “See?” She guides me to the bathroom of my room. There’s a full-length mirror on one side of the wall. “See how good you look?” 

“The pants are loose.” I say instead of taking her compliment. 

“If you’d eat those wonderful snacks that Mrs. Richards sends you you’d be fine.” The woman chastises. “They’re simply delicious. And exotic. She brought back something from space for you- you know. I had a piece. It was divine.”

“You eat it then.” I say pointedly. “I don’t need to.”

The woman sighs. “I did.” She locks eyes with me. “And you should.”

“Thank you.” I feel like we do this a lot- the woman and me.

I don’t recognize much... but I know I’m with her every day- like she said. She gets me in the morning and she puts me in my room at night.

“Stay put.” She says at night. “Don’t give Mark a hard time.”

Mark… is the man from the desk. Yes, I remember now. The night man. 

He seems to think I’m hilarious now. I’m sure if we met before- he wouldn’t.

But now that I live in the blur- I’m hilarious.

He’s not rude about it… but he corrects my delusions with a small smirk.

His most famous saying being “Go to sleep. Your questions will wait until morning.”

Our conversations are me asking questions and him doing his crossword.

Every fifteen minutes comes a soft, “I know you’re not asleep.” Even when I roll away from him.

The woman puts a hand on her hip. “Change your socks.”

I don’t want to wear socks anymore. “They’re hot.”

“Then go without if you must.” The woman sighs. “Just take the dirty ones off.”

Changing clothes used to be something I did.

Having nice clothes used to be something I did.

These clothes are decent. They feel expensive.

I’m locked away in a place that is not my home where I’m surrounded by practically no one all day long. Why would I need nice clothing?

I take the socks off one by one and hand them to her.

She gives me a once over. “You're presentable.” She smiles, walking the short distance back to the door and out to the used linens bag. “Your guests should be here shortly.”

My guests.

Sometimes I’m someone else’s guest.

They never explain it. They take me off the ward. I go to a medical building full of advanced medicine. And I’m allowed to look through the glass.

But no one ever tells me what I’m seeing. They don’t tell me what I’m looking for and I always come back so sad.

Sometimes I cry for hours- and I don’t know why. Morris comes in and sits with me. She tries to talk to me about what I saw. She tries to ask her questions. I have no answers. I beg to go back. She says “in time”. All of our talks end with the saying “In time”.

Six months is ‘time”. It’s a decent chunk of time. Something should have come to me by now.

“Want to come into the visitation room now?” The woman asks. “It’s supper time as well. I thought you’d enjoy eating with your guests.”

There’s another caterpillar on the bed.

I bend down to see if it has a face as well.

It snarls at me.

I snarl back.

“Leave…” The woman sighs. “Daken, leave the caterpillar alone. I’ll have housekeeping flip your bedding while you’re with your guests if you want… but that’s it. No more nonsense about the caterpillars.” She watches me for a second. “Take my hand. I’ll take you to the visitation room.”

I follow her, hand in hers as we walk the short distance from my room to the visitation room.

This room is filled with circular tables and chairs. Seats everywhere. Couches.

Very posh looking.

She sits me at the table I usually sit at.

“I’ll go check with the front desk to see if your people are here yet.”

My people.

The sad people.

One person- a man- is particularly sad.

He’s not allowed to touch me... but he wants to.

Not in a sexual way… but his voice has this yearning to it.

He’s in a wheelchair. I ask him about his legs but he says it’s a story for another time. A time when I’m feeling better.

I ask him who he is and he says he’s a very close friend.

I wonder if he was someone I met through Johnny…..

I know a lot of the Fantastic Four still see me. Sue visits on a weekly basis and Reed is in charge of when I visit the other hospital. I only know this because they tell me who they are. Again and again.

"Do you remember me Daken?" They ask.

Of course I do.

I mean.. somewhat.

Sometimes, in the right mood with the right mixture of medication and at the exact right time, I see an over haze of a familiar face. It’s very rare, though. I’ve done it with the doctor a handful of times.

I think I may have almost done it to my father- I think. That may have happened. I'm not entirely sure. There have been a lot of 'false starts' where that part of my illness is concerned. 

There’s a caterpillar on the table. I follow after it with my index finger, tracing out its trail.

I hear people entering the ward. My people.

They sound chipper.

The caterpillar stops at the edge of the table and doubles back, avoiding my finger altogether.

Someone is laughing when they enter but stops when they see me.

“What’s he doing?” It’s a commanding voice. Male. It demands to know my business from the start. It demands- but it doesn’t ask me directly. No. Never directly.

The damn bug won’t let me touch it. It rears up, curls into a ball, and rolls out of the way.

I don’t think caterpillars do that in nature.

No, that’s a different bug.

‘Rollie pollies’. We were on vacation one time down in the more southern parts of the US and I saw the Richards’ children play with a few of these. The poor things must have been terrified. It was almost unnerving to watch.

Sue somehow sensed my unease and had the kids go elsewhere.

We didn’t play with any more bugs after that.

“He’s chasing caterpillars.” The woman from before says. “With human faces.”

“How odd.” A woman says. She’s short. Green eyes.

They don’t tell me names. I’m supposed to recognize people by now. It’s a test.

The only person I get right is Doctor Morris.

It's the red hair.

She.. looks like someone else.

I’ve always had respect for women with red hair.

I can’t put my finger on why, though.

“Everyone good with the usual menu for supper?”

The group affirms their contentedness with the menu, leaving the woman to come over to me. “And for your meal, Daken?”

“Meat.” I answer, chasing the caterpillar as it marches back and forth.

“Any particular kind?”

I think. “What did I have yesterday?”

She bends down. “Yesterday was your fifth day of not eating. They had to force feed you.”

Ah. I think I vaguely recall that.

“Please tell you don’t want that again.” She says jokingly.

“No… chicken would be nice.”

“Wonder-“

“And salad for the caterpillars.” I interrupt. “They’re very angry.”

There’s an uneasy laugh from one of the men. “Really sold on the caterpillars tonight- ain't he?”

The woman chuckles and puts her hand on my shoulder. “If you feed them- they’ll stay. Let’s not- okay?”

She looks at me expectantly, so I nod... To make her leave.

There are four people tonight.

They all take chairs at the table, talking amongst themselves.

“He’s doing very well tonight.” The woman says when she’s taken my order and gone to the door. “There no off-limit topics that haven’t already been discussed.”

The people sound happy about that.

I’m doing very well.

I know this is not my home.  
The woman leaves the doors open as she exits.

“Linda said you had a good session today.” A man. The sad man breaks the silence. “That’s good to hear.” Time for questions.

“Who?”

“Your nurse.” He clarifies.

“Oh.” That’s her name.

Linda. Linda. Remember. From before. Linda.

“Did your doctor say anything about coming home?”

“… Home?”

The man nods. “Home.”

“Linda said I wasn’t going home.”

“Oh. That’s okay.” The man says quickly. “I didn’t think you’d be out anytime soon.”

“I want to go home.” I press. “I’ve been here forever.”

“Six months is a long time.” The man says gently. “I know you’re very ready to go home.”

“I haven’t seen my friend.” I look up from the caterpillar.

“Your friend?” A woman asks.

“In the other hospital.” I clarify. “I’ve made him angry.” I look back to the caterpillars. “Like the caterpillars.”

“You didn’t make him angry." To that, the woman smiles. “Your friend got better.”

“Better?”

“Better.” She nods.

“Oh.”

“Aren’t you happy?” The sad man questions playfully.

“I am,” I say. “But I will miss seeing him. We only met once.”

“I have it on good authority that he’ll start coming to see you.” The sad man says with a smile.

I stare at him thoughtfully. “You’re still in your wheelchair.”

“Daken.” Someone hisses.

The man smiles. “Yea. But I won’t be forever. You remembered that I’m not supposed to be in a wheelchair?”

I glance him over. “Yes. You told me. You told me you wanted to drive a car… but you couldn’t. And that you would be able to soon.”

“Ah.” The man is less cheerful. “That’s still a great memory. I think I said that two weeks ago.”

“Two weeks is a long time to still be in a wheelchair.”

The other three are pretty silent.

The sad man is insanely attractive. His voice is soft. He’s funny. He feels so familiar it hurts inside.

“Six months is a long time to be in a hospital.” He counters.

“Touché.” I look at him again, quickly, and then back to the table.

There are two caterpillars now.

This one’s blue.

The blue and the black one are together.

Their faces are happier.

They’re a couple. I feel it.

Sometimes when these hallucinations happen I look at them and I just know things about them.

The caterpillars are sad because they were separated. But these two have found each other.

 I look back up at the group. The sad man’s hair looks like it’s growing out after having been shaved. The other man looks like his is a little unkempt. The shorter woman has long hair that shines under the lights, and the other woman has pure white hair. White hair that is not the consistency of the elderly. No- the woman is young.

They cut my hair every two weeks.

Well, as much as I’ll let them.

The sides are shaved nicely, though. They do a very good job about that.

I trace the caterpillar again.

Johnny would like this caterpillar. He’d like that it was happy now.

“What’s the caterpillar look like?” The sad man questions.

“Uh… let’s not feed that-” The other man cuts in. “Caterpillars not real. That’s what’s important.”

“It’s black, green, and yellow. With a little gray human face.” I don’t care that the other man doesn’t want me to talk about them. They’re mine. I can talk about them if I want. “The other one is blue. They’re together now. They must be happy.”

“Very, very, interesting.”

“Caterpillars aren’t real.” The other man says again.  
“They’re real to him.” The sad man says pointedly.

“Let’s change the subject.” The woman with the dark skin and the white hair claps her hands together.

The smaller of the two women reaches out and takes my hand. “We have news for you.”

“News?”

“Wonderful news.” The other woman adds.

“What is it?”

The woman fishes into her pocket and pulls out a phone. Unlocking and tapping through it, she turns it around and shows me a picture.

“Where is that?” She questions.

“On your phone?”

“Yes.”

“A house.”

Everyone laughs. “Yes… but where?”

“I detest these questions.” I answer sullenly.

“It’s your house.” The small woman supplies.

“That’s my house?”

She nods.

“It’s been renovated.” The other woman says. “It looks amazing.”

“Renovated?”

“For when you leave here.” The man who is not sad says. His voice is gruff. “The house is done up for when you’re ready to go home.”

I can’t process much at one time as of late... but I offer a small smile that I’m sure they’re looking for.

“Are you not happy?” The sad man asks. His voice is so soft.

“My house is empty.”

“Your house will be filled by the end of the month.” The not sad man says. “For when you’re ready to come home.” He keeps saying that. 'For when you're ready to come home'. Like it means something. Does he know something I don't? 

“But… but-“

Johnny.

How can it be full without Johnny?

“You’ll be excited by the end of the month.” The sad man says. “Tell me more about your day.”

He’s the best listener.

He makes me miss Johnny so badly.

When I’m finished with the dull tale of my sessions and upsets and theories for the day, the sad man smiles.

“That sounds like a busy day.”

I feel like I should ask about his.

“I was installing better Wi-Fi at your house today. I remember you saying it was too slow.”

My Wi-Fi is extremely slow considering Reed making sure that all the appliances in some fashion had Wi-Fi capabilities.

But…

“When did I tell you about my Wi-Fi?”

The sad man grins. “It came up a few weeks ago.”

“Oh.”

He nods.

His hair is cut short- but it’s the most beautiful shade of blonde.

They all chit chat amongst themselves until the woman (Linda.. her name is Linda) brings in a cart holding trays of food.

Mostly it’s steaks and hamburgers.

The sad man get’s some sort of fried chicken. I can smell the grease. He seems to be happy about it, though. The chicken came with a miserable looking salad. Probably because of the grease... This is a hospital after all.

In front of me, she puts down chicken that’s been pre-cut in thick chunks.

No knives.

My claws ache inside my arms.

They’re still contained by the gloves. 

It's been six months since I've used them. 

They tell me the last time was when I hurt myself. 

Before I came here. 

When the fog was it's most dense. 

They didn't get all of the blood off of me before I came here.... they had to wash me in the showers. 

I remember screaming. Screaming and pleading- and hands. Lots of hands. Holding me in place. Shushing me. Cutting my nails to clean the blood from underneath them better. 

The main doctor was over that. 

The dark skinned man in the sweater. 

I'm sure I could remember him if I really tried.... I'm sure of it. 

I think he visits the ward every... two days. I think it's two days. Our sessions are long... I think. 

He asks questions. Like they all do. 

He talks about my leaving the ward. 

"Answer this for me." He'll say. "Do you know where you are?" 

I counter by asking about the gloves. 

I beg for some time out of the gloves…. Out of the collar. Time to use my powers…. But he says ‘no’.

‘No’ every single time.

I don’t want to control anyone… but just to release a small stream of pheromones to get some of this build up out of my head…..

The older doctor asks me about my friends... in my head. 

How many there are. What they tell me to do. 

Then they give me these horrible pills that make them shut up. I can't hear any of my voices about 94 % of the time. The 6% I do hear are horrific. 

I wake up at night screaming... I know that for sure. 

Even in the fog, Shifter is master. Master is master. The new voices I acquired at the hands of The Boss are there. New shadows. New figments. 

Mark- the night man- comes into my room and makes me be quiet. If he can't calm me- he sedates me.   
  
I hate being sedated. I hate their soft voices when they do it.   
  
My mind... it's not my own. I'd like to keep it as long as I can. Them making me sleep makes it worse. 

It's topped only be restraints. I hate restraints more than anything. I do everything I can to keep out of them- but it doesn't always work. Sometimes my behavior is too extreme. Like when I yell at the staff. Or try to run away. Or misbehave when I'm off the ward. 

I tried to go out the front door once.... The main doctor did not like that. 

I ran away when I was outside too... but I couldn't remember how to get out. I don't know the way in- you see. So I can't possibly find the way out. 

“Enjoy.” The nurse says happily as she leaves, pushing out the cart.

"Are you okay?" The sad man asks. 

I glance down. "I'm thinking about restraints." I say honestly. 

"Oh." 

The gruff man eyes me for a second. "Did they restrain you again?" 

They call him when they do. He's the one who comes in if it lasts more than six hours. 

He knows my name. He... I think I know he is. ... but then I don't. He's so ... much. I don't like him involved more than he has to be. I feel embarrassed around him most of the time. Like I'm supposed to be feeling better.... like he wants. 

"No." 

"Then maybe it's best to not think about it." He says simply. 

I give a small nod and go back to looking at my plate. Grilled chicken. I eat healthy here. No caffeine. Limited sugar. Things that will keep me calm and compliant. I demand different food. I refuse to eat what I'm given.... but then they run tubing through my nose and make me drink this liquid. 

Everyone is silent for a minute as they chew.

The sad man takes some of his salad off of his plate and sets it on the table. “For your caterpillars.” He explains. “If you want it.”

The other man makes a sound of annoyance while the two women chuckle.

“Shouldn’t be feeding this kid.” The gruff man says in between bites of steak. “He’ll never get out if you encourage it.”

“He’ll get out just fine.” The sad man has shining blue eyes.

Blue eyes.

Like…

I move the lettuce to where the caterpillars are. There are four now. Another couple.

They ignore the lettuce.

I feel slightly annoyed that they refuse to accept my help.

Maybe they think I’m meddling.

I’d hate for them to think I’m meddling.

“You smell like motor oil.” I say to the men. “Both of you.”

“We were in a garage.” The gruff man says.

“You work on cars?”

He nods. “And bikes.”

Bikes.

Bikes?

Like… motorcycles.

I never had one.

“And-“ I point to the sad man.

“Sports cars mainly.” He smiles. “It’s hard to do from a wheel chair…. I had Be-” He stops. “A friend of mine was helping me. I had to tell him what to do.. but his hands were too big. It was very funny.”

“Who is your friend?” Why do I feel jealous? Surely I’m not his only friend… but I have so few friends. I want them all to like me. I want them to like me and keep coming to see me. Not like my hospital friend.

“His name is Ben.” The sad man says. “He’s a very close friend of mine.”

An uneasy look passes between all of them.

“Does he work on cars?” The caterpillars continue to ignore the lettuce.

“No… but he used to be a pilot.”

Interesting.

I feel like I know someone similar.

I must be frowning because the man asks, “Daken- did I upset you?”

I shake my head. “It’s the caterpillars. They’re not eating.”

The man smiles “Neither are you… maybe you should eat some and see if they follow your lead.”

It’s stupid.

That’s a stupid idea.

But I can’t tell him that.

Instead, I pick up the plastic fork and take a few bites of one of the smaller slices of meat.

It tastes well enough.

They knew not to fry it at least.

Not like the sad man.

His food is so greasy. So, so, greasy.

The conversation slips away from me.

They start to talk about other people's missions to go back to the military base on the Kree planet.

It must be in the news.

How else would they know about it?

I.. told them. I remember.

I told them about my route. In detail. My route to find Johnny.

“You’re talking about the military base? In space?”

They stop.

“Yes.” The woman with the white hair answers. “We’ve been trying to wrap up a mission there for a while.”

“A mission?”

She nods.

“You are soldiers?”

“Something like that.” She smiles.

“The doctors- at the base.” I recall “They were trying to cover up the hole. The hole was giving them a lot of trouble.”

You can hear a pin drop.

“Did they?” Is this an off limit topic? Do I usually get upset when I talk about the hole? 

The woman smiles. There’s something secret hidden in that smile. A meaning meant just for me. “Yes. They closed the hole. It took a lot of combined effort from a lot of people.”

“It must have been a big hole.”

“It was.” The sad man says with raised eyebrows. “It really was.”

“That’s the last time I saw Johnny.”

They go quiet again.

“We can’t talk to you about Johnny.” The sad man says. “You have to talk to your doctor.”

I sigh. “I know. I know.”

“You’ll see her in the morning.” He continues. “Can you remember until then?”

I nod. “I always remember.”

He smiles, but it’s so sadder than before. “I know you do.”

“What will you do when you can walk?” I ask to smooth over whatever I've done to upset him. 

You shouldn't upset your friends.   
  
You should keep them happy. 

They come so infrequently as it is. 

“Eat another bite and I’ll tell you.” He raises an eyebrow before taking a bite of some.. fries. He got fried chicken and French fries? He’s eating like a child…

I wish I’d thought of that.

I have rice.

I like rice.

I eat a lot of rice.

I grew up eating a lot of rice.

In Japan. As a child. Speaking my native tongue.

Morris can talk to me in Japanese.

Sometimes English is too much to manage.

Sometimes I just slip up.

She talks to me for hours until I start to speak English again.

The sad man’s hands tremble from time to time. Like he’s having problems with motor control. He notices me watching and holds his right one up. “Like I’m attached to a live wire.” He says playfully. “They’re saying that won’t last for long.”

I look down at my plate. “What will you do when you can walk?” I ask again.

“Take a shower.” He smiles. “Standing up. I have to have help taking baths. It's very embarrassing.”

I have to laugh.

“My sister has to help me.” He continues. “I feel like one of the kids.”

Kids?

The thought of miniature blonde people comes to mind.

I let them go back to talking while I return to chasing caterpillars.

The four have moved under the lettuce, taking small bites.

They eat, but the lettuce never shows any damage.

As the conversation progresses, the sad man will ask what they look like or what they’re up to every so often. The others try to insist that he stop and assure me the caterpillars aren’t there.

He always takes my side.

Always.

The door to the ward opens.. meaning it’s time for them to go. “Good evening.” Morris calls from the doorway. “Visitation is now over everyone. So if you’ll all follow me this way,” She motions with her hand for them to follow.

The people say goodbye with the usual ‘feel better’ and ‘see you soon’. The sad man hesitates. “Try to get some sleep.” He says instead. “You look tired. Have they got you on your sleeping pills?”

I nod.

He smiles a little. “Tell them you work better at the 200 dose- alright? Tell them I said that.”

I am tired.

How would he know that, though? My face won’t show it because of the healing factor.

“I-” he stops, and swallows. “I’ll see you soon.” He says. Very much not what he intended to say. “Remember- get some sleep.”

“Actually- stay behind.” Morris says gently. “There’s a conversation the two of you need to have.”

The other people stop. “Tonight?” The other man asks. “Doc- tonight?”

She nods. “It’s time. He can handle it.”

“Last time we tried-“

“This isn’t like last time.” She assures. “Logan, He’ll be fine.”

She said a name.

She told me someone’s name.

“If you say so…”

“I do.” She smiles. “Don’t worry.” She turns back to the table. “I’m going to go see these people out. In the meantime, Daken, listen to your friend over here. He’s got a lot of very important things to say.”

I watch him carefully- reading his features.

So, so, so familiar.

Behind me, Morris takes the others to the door and off the ward. I’m jealous for a brief minute or two.

“What do we need to talk about?” I ask the man after my small silence.

He smiles awkwardly. “Let’s… hmm… I… I don’t know. I’ve got a lot to say to you… but last time we tried this you got very upset.”

“I got upset?”

“Two months ago.” He says.

“I don’t remember…”

“Exactly.” He smiles. “Why don’t we start with… things we have in common.”

“Things we have in common?”

“Like a game.” He smiles. “Yea- a game. I’ll go first. We’re both hot.”

I have to smirk. “You think I’m hot.” I state.

“I know you’re hot.” He waits for a second before saying, “Your turn.”

“We’re… both in the same room?” I feel like that’s a weak answer.

“Yea – okay. But I was thinking something like… our eyes are both in some way a small variation of blue.”

“My eyes are gray.”

“But they look bluish sometimes depending on what color you’re wearing.”

“… Okay. I’ll give you that.” I think. “We both ate chicken tonight.” I try again.

He smiles. “We both like the band “The Foo Fighters”.”

I stop. “How did you know that?”

He shakes his head. “That’s not a part of the game.” He looks at me through guarded eyes. “Your turn.”

“We… both… have been to space?” I try again.

“Good.” He praises. “We both have been to the same part of space.”

“We both…… know the same people?”

“We both know your father. And Laura. And Sue. And Reed.”

“How….?”

This is… odd.

This is too odd.

This is.. I don’t know. Not what I expected.

“You okay?” He questions.

“I don’t want to play anymore.” I cross my arms, holding myself.

“Can I give you one more?” He asks gently. So, so, gently.

“… Yes?” I mean maybe. I feel.... weird. 

He smiles. “Okay. ready?”

I nod, unsure of what he’s about to say.

He looks at me, eyes locked on mine. “Neither of us can die.”


	30. Came Around

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be one final chapter after this. Originally it was part of this chapter but this chapter is LOOONNNG and it would have made it longer. 
> 
> So, thanks for reading, commenting, and leaving Kudos! Hope you enjoy the final pieces of this extremely long journey!

He must think me stupid.

He delivers his blow.. and I can’t really focus on it.

“Is the game over?” I ask quietly.

The man nods. “The game is over.” He looks like he’s trying to read me. “Are you okay?”

“Did I win?” I’m confused as to the how to proceed. With that confusion in mind… I think I’d really like to win the game. I think winning would make me feel less confused.

“Win?”

“The game.” I clarify. “Did I win?”

“Did you want to win?” He asks.

“… I think so.” I admit.

“Then you won!” He says cheerfully. “Now.. let’s..”

“What exactly did I win?”

He stares at me for a long, long time. “You won… “He’s thinking. “Another game!” He says just as cheerfully as before. No- even more. Enthusiastically is a better word. “Yea. Another game!”

“But I already won that game.” I point out.

“This is a new game.” He says carefully. He puts his elbow on his knee and leans down so his chin is resting on his hand. “It’s like 20 questions. I’m going to give you facts though- and you react to them.”

This man has a way of telling me things.

Games.

The only games I actually like.

“Okay.” I nod. “I like this one.”

Shifter had games… games I didn’t like.

This man never tries to play those games- however. I can tell because his games don’t involve nudity.

All of Shifter’s games involved nudity.

“I know you do.” He smiles. “Let’s see. Fact one. I have been to space.”

“You are a soldier,” I say.

I really do like this game.

I like to try to figure out what they’re telling me before we get to the end.

I’ve done it with several things.

Like them telling me new information on my ‘condition’.

They say I won’t take news properly anymore.

Which is… true. My reactions are a bit ‘odd’. Even to me.

The worst part is that I know I’m not reacting properly…. But I can’t seem to pull up the proper way to act.

For instance, when he told me he couldn’t die.

I think that was important.

But I’m not registering it as important.

I just wanted to win the game.

“Fact two. I am not a soldier.”

“Interplanetary police?” I muse.

“Fact three,” He smiles brilliantly. “There’s no such thing as interplanetary police.”

“Well, that seems like an oversight.” I reply.

I sit on the floor, legs pulled underneath me, looking up at him.

“Maybe.” He chuckles. “Fact Four. We have been in space at the same time.”

“Then you’re a hero.” I mimic his head in hand position. “Interesting.”

“Are you comfy?” He asks with a raised eyebrow.

I smirk. “Yes.” I wave my hand in front of me. “Continue.”

“If his highness so wishes.” The man smiles brightly. Warmly. He is such a.. warm person. So bright. Even though he’s sad. It shines through. Like he can’t turn it off.

“Fact Five. Laura and You had several conversations with me in space.”

“I think I would have remembered….”

“Fact six. You are suffering from, on top of your incurable disorder, large amounts of trauma. Your ability to function has been damaged. You get confused and forgetful.” He stops. “No, no. let’s not say ‘damaged’. It’s not damaged. It’s… altered. You function in your own world… and someone has to help you function in this one.”

“… I know that part.” I wave it away with my free hand.

My own world. That’s what they call the haze.

My world is one of smoke.

Where I am alone in crowds of people. Where the scenery changes on a day to day basis.

There’s another caterpillar on the floor.

This one’s blood red.

I don’t care for it.

“Fact seven. Your altered ability to function may prove permanent. There’s a chance that part of you will always be in your own world.”

I sigh. “So they say.”

Repeatedly.

I think…

It could be a dream…

No- no. I remember.

Like this morning.

My nurse got me up early- which I remember her doing every morning- and pulled me into the visitation room. For breakfast.

She supervises. She always supervises.

I don’t eat unless someone makes me.

I can’t bring myself to do it.

My brain tells me I don’t need it. It’s frivolous. If it’s frivolous and I could be doing something else- why bother with it?

So she… talks to me. And orders me to do it. Cheerfully encouraging me the whole time.

I suppose this is a hint at my disability.

Disability.

Disability?

No.

No.

That’s not…

“Easy.” He says gently. “Easy.”

“I’m fine.” I’m not. “You can continue.”

“Fact eight.” His voice is softer, “You went to space to find Johnny.”

“I’m not supposed to talk about Johnny.” I interject. That’s the rule. No one talks about Johnny but Doctor Morris. Doctor Morris says to try my best to remember my questions and hold them until the next possible meeting.

He smiles. “Morris said it was okay.”

“Did she?”

He nods.

“I’m not sure that’s accurate…” I look down at the caterpillar. Its face is different from the others. Not exactly human. Not exactly animal either. But definitely not human.

“Fact nine. Doctor Morris said it was okay to talk about Johnny.” The man is laughing.

I smile. Well if it’s a fact… “Proceed.”

“Fact ten. Johnny has held captive by someone called ‘The Boss’.”

I nod.

“Fact eleven. The Boss told you he experimented on his captives.”

I nod again.

“Fact twelve. He said he gave them immortality.”

“Yes.” I feel uneasy.

The room…

Johnny. In the hole. Johnny smelled like death long before he died. He had wounds. Serious wounds. He said he had Laura look at them…. But I could smell him when we were in the hole. Johnny should have been far more injured than he was acting.

“Fact thirteen, you never saw Johnny’s body after he died.”

“I looked for days….” I recall. “I couldn’t find the body… I searched…” I stop. “Please don’t talk about this anymore.”

“The entire thing or the body?” He asks gently.

“The body.” I look down. “Don’t talk about me not finding the body.”

I found it originally. Shouldn’t that count for something?

“Fact fourteen. You came to this hospital. A month into your stay they started taking you to see your friend at the other hospital.”

“Right…”

“Two months ago your friend got better.”

“Was that a fact?” I look down again.

“Statement.” He says.

“I don’t track time well.” I admit. “I’ve been here for six months.” Six months.

“That’s alright.” He smiles. “Fact Fifteen. On your last visit to your friend, he gave you something.”

I nod.

“Do you remember what it was?”

“A secret.” I whisper.

“Do you remember?” He presses with a whisper.

I nod again.

“Can you tell me?” Another whisper.

I look down at the caterpillar, taking my finger and touching it. I feel it’s fuzziness. “He kissed me.” I inform. “He kissed me and he told me he loved me.”

The sad man nods. “Very good. He kissed you. He thanked you for coming to see him… and promised to come see you.”

“And he told me he loved me.”

“Yes.” The man smiles. “Yes, He did.”

My friend made a move on me. “Is that why I stopped seeing him? Because he kissed me?”

“No- no.” The man says gently. “But you did get upset when he kissed you.. because of Johnny.”

“Fact?”

“Fact…. Sixteen.” He nods.

“Yes. I got upset.” I affirm. “He made a move on me.”

“Fact seventeen. The man told you that he was Johnny. You got very upset.”

I nod.

“Fact eighteen. When you stopped visiting your friend, I started coming to see you.”

“What are you trying to tell me…? I don’t like this game anymore.”

“Fact nineteen you sleep on your side, with the window open, in a pair of basketball shorts even though you have never bought a pair for yourself.”

That seems random.

“Fact twenty. Johnny gave you something before he left for space. Something he packed for you that no one else knows about.”

The blanket.

The…

“It’s in your room.”

I nod.

“How did it get there?”

“… I don’t know.”

I don’t…

I recognized it.

They didn’t know what I was talking about.

When they brought me and I was crying...

Crying and crying. All day. Every day.

I couldn’t recognize anyone. I was alone. I was hurting.

I couldn’t lash out.

I couldn’t push the emotion off onto anyone….

So I cried. Locked in my own world.

Someone would come in every day.

I remember.

‘Shh.’ The voice would call. ‘It won’t be like this forever. Give it time. Things will heal in time.’

‘In Time’.

I hate that saying.

While I was crying I remembered the blanket and tried asking for it… but they didn’t know what I was talking about.

The voice said that Logan could buy me new blankets. So many blankets that I’d never be cold again.

Blankets can’t stop the chills that ail me.

No one could grasp why I was so upset.

I didn’t get the blanket until many months after I asked for it.

“When did it get there?” The man asks. “Can you remember?”

“When.. you showed up.” I recall.

“That’s right.” He smiles. “I brought for you from Logan’s school. It smells like Johnny.”

“I can’t place his scent.” I dismiss.

He smiles. “No, you can’t. But you know it smells familiar. I know you sleep with it by your head… so you can smell it. His scent was fresh on it when I gave it to you.”

“I…”

“Your clothing... your comfy clothes- it’s mostly Johnny’s clothes. Things you didn’t have when your bags were originally packed. You wear his shorts.” He smiles. “Which I’m almost certain he would want back eventually.”

The shorts.

The shorts I was wearing today.

My…

The ones I didn’t want to give my nurse.

“If you go in your room right now there’s another pair of shorts and a hoodie. One you used to cover up in when you wanted to hide your skin. When you were hallucinating.”

I’m quiet.

I don’t know what to say.

“You have three comforters for your bed here.” He continues. “One Linda bought you, one the hospital gave you, and one that I brought from your bed and your house.”

“…How do you know this?”

He smiles. “Daken… how could I know all of this?”

“Telepathy?”

He laughs. “I’m not smart enough to be a telepath.”

“Doctor Morris?”

He shakes his head. “She’s hasn't told me a thing.”

“…. I don’t know.” I trace the caterpillar again. The black one has joined the red one. They’re circling each other. “I don’t…”

They’re going so fast.

How… how are they moving like this?

“Slow down.” I whisper.

“Me or whatever you’re following with your finger?” He asks.

“Both.” It sounds broken. I sound broken. “All of you.. just-“

Morris clears her throat from the door. “Well? How did it go?”

The man looks over at her. “I’m not sure…”

“We’re not screaming I see.” Morris walks into the room and stands behind the sad man, hands on the handles of his wheelchair. “That’s good.” She pauses. “You’re very warm.” She says. “Are you alright?”

He sighs. “Yea. I should be.”

“The sad man… he gives me Johnny’s things.” I look up at her. “Why?” I have to interrupt them. This won’t be something that they push aside. This will be answered. Not ‘in time’ either. Right now. Why does the sad man have Johnny’s things?

“Does he?” She smiles. “I hadn’t noticed.”

“They smell like Johnny.” I press. She’s playing with me.

“You recognize his scent now?” She sounds hopeful.

“Well.. no.” That stops me.

“Have you tried to scent the things he gives you?” She asks patiently.

“..No.”

“Then you don’t know what they smell like- do you?” She smiles.

“How does he have Johnny’s things?” I press with a growl. “You’re not answering my question.”

“How do you think that works- Daken?”

I don’t know.

I don’t know.

I look at the man. I look at him hard.

“Did you give him Johnny’s things??” I demand. I’ve been tricked! “Why would you do that??? Am I not bad enough for you? You want me to be worse? You want me to be your constant patient from now until the end of time because-“

“I DIDN’T GIVE THEM TO HIM.” She says loudly, cutting over everything I’m saying. “And we’re going to talk about all that you just said tomorrow.”

“Then… Then.. Laura must have- “

“No.” She says much more gently. “No one gave him Johnny’s things.”

“How does he have them then??” I sound wrecked. This isn’t fair.

“How does he have them- Daken? That’s the question I pose to you. How does your friend have Johnny’s things?”

“I don’t know!”

“You do know.” She says gently. “Who is this man? This man that can’t die… and knows so much about you. The man who has access to Johnny’s things and a full catalog of your likes and dislikes. This man who can tell us just how to react to you… hmm? We started making a lot more progress with you when he started getting involved- you know that? We started getting you to sleep in a reasonable amount of time. We started getting you to move around more… we were able to start taking you to other parts of the hospital…. All because of information your friend gave us. We have him on speed-dial at the main desk. Did you notice that? That your treatment started working because it was stuff that someone else had done before? That we now know all the right buttons to press at the exact right times? Now,” She stops. “how does your friend have all of this information? Who could know you so well?”

Who could?

Laura…

But wait.

This man is not Laura.

But he says he knows her.

He’s in close contact with her.

“The sad man is… “

This isn’t right.

“That sad man is…?” She prompts.

“The sad man is…” I look between the two of them.

The man leans forward. “Who am I, Daken? Come on honey- who am I?”

The world starts to spin.

Faster and faster and faster.

I have no control over it.

I have no control over myself.

I have no control over my surroundings.

This news…

Is this news?

Is this real?

When do I wake up?

Where….

Where is Johnny?

Where is Johnny?

Missing… no.

Dead…. No?

Not dead.

No funeral.

Logan promised to take me to the funeral.

He promised.

“Akihiro,” The sad man says gently. “Who am I?”

The world is unsteady.

“How do you know that name?”

His eyes are so sad. “How do I know that name?” He presses.

I feel myself tearing apart at the seams. The very fragile fabric that holds me to this reality is torn by each soft word this man says to me.

“What if I’m wrong?” It’s barely a whisper.

This could undo me.

I’ve already been here for six months. If I’m wrong.. if I think he is but he’s not…. how much longer will it add to my stay?

“Wrong? You can’t be wrong in this.” The man says. His voice as this ring of hope in it… and it breaks me. He’s wanting me to figure this out. He wants me to figure it out so badly…

And....

‘you’ll fail.’

‘your failures have led you here boy.’ Master’s voice is cold. It curls through my mind like smoke. ‘what comes after here i wonder?”

"There's nothing to be upset by." He says gently. "You're shaking."

My.. answer.

‘don’t answer.’ Shifter hisses. ‘stay ignorant. stay safe in your cozy little cocoon. fuck them and their questions. you don’t deserve answers.’

“My answer.” I say numbly. “What if I’m wrong. Like all the other times?”

“You’re not wrong honey…. I know it. Who am I? One name. One name and everything gets a whole hell of a lot easier.”

“You’ve got this Daken.” Morris says enthusiastically. “Go on. Remember what we talked about for when you can’t remember or you get confused? That trusting your intuition might be a good idea? What’s your gut telling you?”

What’s my gut telling me?

… I feel my stomach churning.

Maybe listening to my gut is a bad idea….

“What’s your gut saying? She presses.

“That I’m going to be sick.” I groan.

“Akihiro,” The man leans down and puts a hand on my chin, “Who am I?” 

His eyes..... his eyes. So..... gentle. Like I'm important to him.

Who is he?

He’s the sad man.

No.

No.

The sad man has a name.

“Fact.” I say shakily. “You’re sad because I can’t remember you.”

He nods.

“And I can’t remember you because losing Johnny made me sick.”

He nods again.

And The Boss….

“And in the hole… with the water… The Boss said I would get so sick that I would forget.”

The man actually smiles. “And I told you that you wouldn’t.”

A lot makes sense…

But a lot doesn’t.

“But I did forget.”

“And that’s not your fault in the slightest.” The man soothes. “Not at all. You went through a lot- all on your own. You went to space and you found Johnny. Just you and Laura. And you weren’t even with her the whole time! You took down The Boss and you helped end a problem that put an entire alien race into humanities debt. That was all you.”

But…

I didn’t think I could do it.

I doubted…

I struggled.

 “But I had such a hard time and-“

 “You think being a hero is easy?” The man smirks. “It’s not. You go through a lot.”

“Like…” Morris says gently, “Dying.”

“Having a hole in the back of your head.” The man says with a nod. “Feeling it slowly close over the span of a few months.”

“Dealing with temporary brain damage.” The woman adds. “That’s why he’s in the wheelchair Daken.” She says with a smile. “He’s almost ready to walk, though- aren’t you?”

The man nods. “Probably in another month.”

Another month of having to have Sue help him….

Wait. Sue.

Sue said she helped the sad man.

Sue… would help the sad man…

Because the sad man said he was getting help from his sister.

And Sue is someone’s sister.

Sue is Johnny’s sister.

Sue would help the sad man because she was his sister.

His sister is Sue.

Sue’s brother is Johnny.

Johnny is….

Morris taps her nose with her finger. “On the nose.” She says. “All you have to do is say it.”

“…..I’m going to be sick.” My stomach is a living creature right now.

“Shh. Don’t be sick.” The man’s eyes are shining with unshed tears. “Who am I- Daken? Tell me who I am… please. I need to hear you say my name.”

I need to say his name.

I need to say it.

He needs me to say it.

I can’t.

“What’s his name?” Morris says gently. “Come on dear. Tell him his name.”

“Please.” He pleads. “Akihiro- please. Recognize me.”

He.. does so much for me. He does more than I could ever ask for. More than I deserve. He tries so hard. He pushes so hard- especially for someone in his condition. He needs me to say something. Even if it’s wrong. If it’s wrong- what? They keep me here longer? I’m already staying. They’re not letting me go anytime soon. I’m not anywhere near ready to go home. He needs me to tell him a name. Hopefully his name.

This man who knows me.

This man who makes my heart ache.  
This man who fills me with a sense of familiarity so strong that it shakes me to my core.

This man who can show such emotion towards me.

He’s someone.

He might be my someone.

I can’t let this opportunity slide. If it’s him- if there’s the slightest chance that’s it him- I have to take the chance.

“…Johnny.” I whisper. “Your name is Johnny.”

His smile is so bright. “Right!” He says. “Right honey. You got it. I knew you would. I knew all along!”

“Johnny. “I repeat, looking at him. “You’re Johnny.”

“Right here.” He says, a tear actually making it down his face. “Right here. I've been here the whole time.” He holds a hand out to me. “Here… I’ll show you. I have proof.”

I take his hand with shaking fingers. He guides my hand to the back of his recently shaved head.

There are… bumps on his scalp. A smooth patch of skin that stretches the entire span of the back of his head.

“A scar.” He clarifies. “A massive scar. Luckily my hair is going to cover it up… they took the last of the stitches out last week… so they should allow me to grow it out again.”

A scar.

Where…

I scooped his head back together.

My fingers push on the flesh that was once a gaping hole.

“Ah.” He winces. “Still tender.”

“There’s no mark on your forehead.” I say numbly.

“There’s a slight mark.” He corrects. “It faded really well. Reed thinks it will be gone altogether in a few weeks.”

“…How?” I breathe it. I can’t manage anything louder.

“What?”

I just shake my head. This can’t be happening. This isn’t happing.

Good things don’t happen to me.

I am alone.

I deserve to be alone.

I-

“He said ‘how’,” Morris says. “Very, very quietly….” She steps to the side. “Still going to be sick Daken? Do I need to get you a trash can?”

I shake my head again. “How? How is this possible?”

“The Boss’ experiments… kinda made me hard to kill.” He says gently. “Like... Impossible to kill. I heal from anything. Just.. not as fast as you.” He smiles, pulling my hand away and kissing it. “I’m going to be around for a long time.”

“A… you promise?” I ask weakly. I’m glad I’m on the floor. My legs would give out otherwise.

“With all my heart.” He says earnestly. “Every day until the end of days.”

I feel a million things at once.  
And maybe that’s the reason why I feel so tearful.

Johnny….

Johnny!

My …

Here.

With a scar...  
With proof…

Proof that’s been here all along.

Proof that… oh no.

Oh no, no, no.

I’m going to forget this.

He’ll leave and I’ll forget him again…

Because he’s not him! I can’t recognize him!

Even though I KNOW it’s him. Even though I BELIEVE it’s him.

I just can’t recognize him.

“Honey,” he sounds so comforting. “You’re crying.”

I collapse into his lap, leaning forward to do so.

“Akihiro-” His hands fall to my shoulders. “...if I upset you…”

“Daken,” Morris chimes in, “We’ll slow it down- okay? This is a lot to take in. You’re doing great.”

I shake my head, trying to clear it.

The sad man- no Johnny. Johnny.

Johnny’s hands are warm.

Johnny’s hands are supposed to be warm.

He smells…

Like liquid heat.

Like living fire.

Like… life. He smells alive.

How could I ever have forgotten this smell?? 

He stunk.. . his head… his brains… his gore… it smelled. I smelled it for days. I wake up smelling it.

“Did I upset you?” Johnny says gently. “Honey-“

“I’ll forget you.” I whisper. “You said I wouldn’t and I did. I’ll lose you again.”

Johnny looks at me helplessly. He can’t hold me anymore than he is.

“We’ll find ways to help you remember.” Morris says quickly, bending down to put an arm around me. “I promise you that you won’t forget about him this time.”

I feel so…

I just want to hold him.

To be with him.

Even if he doesn’t make sense to me.

Even if none of this makes sense.

If it’s just a fever dream.

Or a hallucination.

I need him.

I’ve always needed him.

He’s the best thing to ever happen to me.

Even with all the shit that came along with our meeting…. I feel like it was fate. Like we were just drawn together.

“Shh now.” Morris backs off and walks to the tables, giving us the room I think.

Johnny’s hands smooth along my shoulders. Up to my head, fingers through my hair. He strokes me for a good five minutes as we sit in silence.

His hands tremble oh so slightly. His fingers brush my scalp.

I glance up at him and he looks content. Peaceful even.

“Hey.” He says quietly when he sees me looking. “You okay? It was a lot to take in….”

“I’m sorry I forgot.” I whisper. "I'm sorry I don't recognize you."

"Daken..."He soothes.

"I'm sorry my head is fucked."

“Don’t be sorry honey.” He says just as quietly. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry you went through so much on your own…. I’m sorry that fucker got so far into your head. That I left you alone at your dad’s school. That I took the mission in the first place knowing how rocky you had been.” He pauses. “I’m sorry you’ve been here so long.”

“I missed you.”I press myself more firmly in his lap.

“I know.” He says gently. “I missed you more than I could put into words. Seeing you these months and not being able to hold you or help you recognize anyone around you… I love you so much. You've come such a long way. I don't even think you realize it yet.”

"I can't even bathe myself..."

"Then I'll do it."He says gently.

I shake my head. "I can't recognize anyone other than Doctor Morris." 

"I'll help you." He promises. "Honey, I promise. You don't have to suffer on your own ever again." 

"Johnny," I wrap my arm around his waist, "I...." I glance back to Morris. 

"It's okay." She says. "Go on." 

"I-" 

"You love me?" He says gently. 

I nod. 

"I love you too." He bends at the waist and holds me tighter. 

“Those people… the one’s you’re with… “

“Tonight?” He smiles. “Your dad, Laura, and Ororo.”

“My…”

“He sees you twice a week.” He says with a nod. “Laura once, twice if she can make it.”

“And.. you?”

“Every time the hospital will let me since I got out of the hospital.” He smiles. “Every single time.”

“You… waited.” I mumble into his jeans. “Again."

"You waited for me." He counters. "They told you I was dead... but you waited. You went looking for me. They tell me you searched the alien base for three whole days." 

I nod. 

"And then you fell into your-" He struggles for a word. 

"Haze." I supply. 

"Haze." He nods. "And you got lost. All by yourself, alone, scared." He stops. "I tried to come see you at night.... but they had you locked in isolation everytime I tried." 

Isolation... when I'm too out of hand. It's like a ... time out. It's the modern equivalent of a padded room.... for when restraining me was too detrimental. 

"And you waited." I repeat. "Again. You always end up waiting on me." 

“I told you I would.” He smiles. “And I meant it then, I mean it now, and I’ll mean it years from now.”

“Years… Johnny, you’re-“

“Yea.” He says. “Yea. I know. The ‘immortal’ gig is serious business… Reed is trying to think of something that will boost my healing speed… so if something like that happens again I won’t be buried alive.”

“Buried..”

“They were planning my funeral…. and I opened my eyes.” He says gently. “I couldn’t move or talk... and it hurt so fucking bad. Like… searing pain. It’s all I could think of. The only thing I could do was scream- and because of the damage, I could barely do that. They didn't hear or see me for about thirty minutes after I 'woke'." 

“That’s horrible. When was this?”

“Three days after I was shot.”

Three…

“I was there?”

“They couldn’t tell you anything… I died three more times after that. Reed didn’t want to upset you.”

They knew.

Reed…

In space…

He told me things weren’t what I thought they were.

he… he was telling me.

“Don’t be mad at Reed- okay?” He says gently. “I owe him a lot.”

Johnny goes back to stroking my hair. "I missed you so much. All I could think about was you. Everyday. I couldn't ask any questions. I couldn't move. And no one thought to tell me how you were." 

"It hurts... losing you." I mumble. "Twice." 

Johnny nods. "I know honey. I know. It's awful. But that's okay. It's over now. Neither of us has to worry about space, or dungeons, or pits, or holes-" 

"Johnny." Morris says calmly. "You're getting a little worked up." 

"Let him be worked up." I snap. 

Morris looks at me with that look. That 'I'll take none of you shit today' look. I hate it. 

"With his powers in mind, it's best if he stays level headed." Morris says. 

I scent him again, taking him all in. 

"They couldn't find your blanket because Sue brought it to me." He says gently. "That's why it smells like me. It reminded me of you... and it had the smell of your body wash on it- I think some spilled when they were moving your things or something. Anyway," He continues. "It smelled like you. I had to have it." 

"You had-"   
  
He nods. "I had your computer too... and your phone for a little while." 

I can't help but smile. "You had my things." 

"What- you think you're the only one who does that?" He grins. "I occasionally also like to wear my boyfriend's clothes and stuff." 

We're quiet again. 

I look up at him, and he's glancing at my back. "You're gonna cramp up if you stay like that." 

I disregard that bit of advice and instead lay my cheek against his thigh. 

The position gives me a nice view of his-

"Oh my god." I start to snicker. 

“What?” He sounds happy. “What’s so funny?”

I catch his eyes and smirk. “Does everything still work?” I glance towards his crotch. 

“What do you mean?”

“Downstairs?”

He laughs abruptly. “Yes. If you must know. Everything still works.”

“Good.”

This is relaxing.. but uncomfortable. I won’t be able to hold this position for long.

“I could be persuaded -if Johnny wouldn’t mind,” Morris walks back over to us, “To let you two curl up in your bed. I know you want to touch him.. and you can’t do much in that wheelchair.”

That brings a well of.. something.

Hope.

Happiness?

Happiness.

Because Johnny is here.

Because I get to lay down with him.

Johnny is grinning. “I would love that.”

“Of course with the recent discussion in mind, I must strongly warn you that Daken is in no shape or form steady enough for anything sexual.”

I have to wince.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Johnny says gently. “It’s taking advantage of him. The thought makes me sick to my stomach.”

She nods. “I know.” She believes him. A lot of people don’t. They don’t understand how he can work around my moods. How he doesn’t just talk me into it when I’m confused or upset. But she believes him.

She knows he’s telling the truth.

Johnny wouldn’t lie. Not about this.

“Daken?” She helps me sit up. “Would you lead him to your bedroom?”

My bedroom…  
I stand there shakily for a second.

My bedroom.

My … Fuck. Now I have to find it again.

He’s behind me as I stand in the hall, searching.

"You okay?" he questions. 

"Uh-" 

“It's the room closest to the Nurse’s station.” Morris whispers from behind me. “Right over there.”

"Thanks." I mumble. 

She nods with a grin. 

I walk to the room and turn on the lights.

My shelves by the armchair are full. Someone brought me books. 

Technically they're supposed to read through any reading material to decide if it's appropriate or not. That being kept in mind, I ended up with the classics, some Shakespeare, and a few of my denser philosophy books. 

Johnny sees me looking and chuckles. "I tried to bring you a Game of Thrones book. Which, to my surprise, is not called by that title. The lady at the bookstore was almost snobby about it." 

That makes me laugh. 

"Of course that was inappropriate." He rolls his eyes to Morris. 

"If you dealt with some of his more devastating moods here lately," She drawls. "You wouldn't allow violent or sexual material either." 

Morris pushes Johnny into the room all the way. “Lay on the bed.” She says happily.

I suddenly feel awkward.

“I know it’s weird-” She hushes. “But you’ll like the result. Go lay down.”

On the bed folded neatly are a pair of shorts and a hoodie. Like he said there would be.

I lay down on my side, watching them.

The pillow is fluffed and clean. Linda must have been serious when she said they’d turn my bedding while I was busy.

“Good.” Morris offers Johnny her hand. With a lot of lifting and supporting, he ends up on his side in the bed, facing me.

He smiles and mouths ‘Awkward’.

I have to smile back.

He’s him.

I can’t recognize his face… but he’s him.

My him.

The only him that makes sense to me.

Johnny lifts his arm, an invitation for me to slide closer.

I hesitate before taking it.

I move around until we’re positioned chest to chest.

He drops his arm around my waist.

“This…” he sighs. “This is perfect.”

“..Have we done this before?” I curl into him. He’s so warm. So… so warm.

“Recently?” He laughs. “No.”

“So.. this is the first time…”

“Since I died.” He says gently. “Yes. This is the first time since I died that I’ve held you.” His smile fades a little around the edges. “The first time since the pit.”

The pit.

He calls it the pit.

Probably because the ‘hole’ reminds him too much of his injury.

"When the doctors were talking about closing up the hole..."   
  
"They were talking about me." Johnny says with a nod. "I must have seen at least two hundred in the first two weeks." 

"Why didn't anyone tell me?" I ask quietly.   
  
"Honey, they did." He says gently. "Several times. Your mind was too.... wrecked. Have they told you what happened?" 

"What do you mean?" Now I'm curious. 

"Have they told you what happened after they brought you here? Why your haze got worse?" 

I shake my head. 

"On the space station, you had an incident." He starts. 

"With the blood." I recall. 

"With the blood." He says with a nod. "And then after that, there was....another incident." 

"Another..." 

"You know how the procedures had that delayed after effect?" 

Where I went catatonic long after they happened. 

"Yes...." 

"The Boss' powers did the same thing... they say it's trauma but Morris doesn't think it is. Reed doesn't either. We think it's... an after effect." 

I bury my head into his shoulder. "I don't care." I decide. And I don't. I refuse to be upset right now. 

"I just wanted to tell you." He says gently. He goes to pet me but hesitates. "We're in a bed." He says. He strokes my hair with a trembling hand. “Is it okay if I touch you like this?” He asks.

“Don’t stop.” I exhale. “Please… don’t let me go.”

“I’m not.” He whispers. “Never again.”

“Even when I forget?”

He smiles. “Honey, don’t feel bad about this. You’re just really sick and-“

“I should be taking care of you!” I cut him off. “You’ve got brain damage and-“

“Minor brain damage at this point.” He shushes. “It’ll be healed in a month.”

“Brain damage is brain damage.” I grouse. “Let me- help." I sit up and glance him over. He looks well enough. “What do you need help wise?”

“You want to help?” He props himself up on his elbow. “Give me a kiss.” He says gently. “Give me a kiss, lay back down, and let me hold you. Let me hold you until the doctors kick me out for the night… and then- then- let me come back tomorrow and do it again. And the next day. And the next day. And then every day after that until you’re home-“

I smile “I can do that.”

“I’ll work something out with Morris.” He says gently. “You remember her because she sees you every day.”

“I didn’t remember my nurse, though." I interrupt.

“Doesn’t matter.” He dismisses. “I’ll come see you every day until you can remember.”

I just nod.

“Now…” He ushers me to him with his hands. “Let me give the conquering hero a kiss.”

His words remind me of what he used to say when he came home from missions.

This time…

I’m the hero.

But I’m not.

But I’m…

“Come here.” He says gently.

I bend down and brush my lips against his. There’s almost a jolt of electricity that runs through me.

The collar around my neck beeps a few times.

He pulls back and smiles. “Too much emotion.” He comments, finger running over the collar.

“Yes.”

He kisses me again. Gently.

We lay still for about thirty minutes.

Words aren’t needed.

I’m close to his chest. I hear his heartbeat. I hear him breathe.

I feel his skin, what’s showing, grow hot. Unnaturally hot.

He’s…

That’s not right.

He feels like he’s trying to ignite.

He frowns. “Sorry.” He closes his eyes and inhales deeply. “My powers… they’re a little ‘shaky’. Sometimes I go hot without meaning to.” He starts to pull away.

“I’ll heal!” I blurt. “Don’t go!”

Morris is back in the doorway. “Mr. Storm… I’m so sorry to break this up, but your ride is here.”

He looks down at me with an expression I can’t read. “Akihiro-“

“No.” Panic grips me. “No.. he can’t go. I’m sorry… I can take the heat. I’m sorry-“

“No, no. Honey- no. You’re not being punished.” He says gently. “Shh. It’s just time for me to go.”

“You can’t… please.” I grab him, ignoring the heat. “Don’t go. Please.”

“He has to leave Daken.” Morris says. “Let him go.”

“No!”

I wrap my arm around him tighter.

“Last time I let him go, he didn’t come back!”

“That’s not true.” He soothes. “I’m back now.”

“You’ll leave me… You’ll leave me to stay here… no,” This can’t happen.

But his skin. His skin is so hot.

“You’re going to get burnt honey.” He says quietly, taking his hand and pulling away from me.

“No! I can handle it!”

The door to the ward opens up. “That’s your ride.” She says. “I’ll bring him in here so he can help you…. We don’t want anyone to get burnt.”

Johnny nods. “Thank you.”

Morris starts to leave.

“You can’t take him!” I call at her. “You can’t do this to me!”

“Johnny has to go now, Daken.” She says. “And you have to let him go. I know it hurts, but it’s going to hurt a lot more if you hold on to him like this.”

Johnny breaks from my grasp. The smell of heat is everywhere.

“You can’t.” I try to plead with him. “You can’t go. Why would you want to go?”

“Honey-” He soothes, but he doesn’t touch me.

Why won’t he touch me?

I try to get closer but he backs as far away from me as possible.

“What did I do wrong?” I have to know.

“Nothing.” He says. “Nothing at all. My powers are acting up and I haven’t slept well. I need to go rest.”

There are heavy footsteps.

Heavy- heavy- footsteps.

The creature that follows Morris should be recognizable by anyone. Anyone but me- apparently.

It stares at me with blue eyes unblinking before asking, “You got a problem punk?”

“P-problem?” I look at my hospital bracelet. I need assistance. “I need help.” Maybe this creature will help me.

“Your doctor will help you.”

“Please don’t take Johnny.” I beg.

The creature stops, eyes wary suddenly. That’s sympathy. Real sympathy. I didn’t induce it.

“Please.” I beg. "Please. Don't." 

“I’m losing control, Ben.” Johnny says softly.

“I’ll give you anything.” I try. “I won’t get hurt- Please... don't take this from me. Not again." 

“It’s okay kid.” The creature says softly in his rocky, grating, deep voice. “I’ll bring him back. I promise. Okay? I promise to bring him back.”  
He moves closer to us. “Gettin’ a little hot matchstick?”

Johnny nods. “I’m about to burn him.” He says sadly.

“Yea? Well, save it til we’re outside. You already scorched their fancy lobby.”

The monster scoops Johnny up into his giant rocky arms. Like he weighs nothing. It carefully puts him back in the chair.

“Good thing Reed made this fire resistant.” The man muses.

“But he couldn’t make it electric.” Johnny grouses.

“Heh.” The monster chuckles.

Johnny wheels over to my side of the bed. “You alright honey?”

“You’re leaving.” I’m in shock again.

“I’m leaving.” He agrees. “But I’m going to come back.”

Come back?

Right.

Johnny’s coming back.

In..

“Three weeks?” I offer.

“What?”

“You’ll come back in three weeks?”

“Try twenty-four?”

“Weeks??”

“Hours.” He smiles. “Can you wait twenty-four hours?”

“…No.”

“Sure you can.” He smiles. But he doesn’t touch me.

“Johnny…” The world spins. “Where… where-“

“Right here.” He says. "Right here, honey. It's okay. It's all going to be okay." 

“You should go.” Morris is at the door.

“NO… NO.. the.. and.. No.”

“You broke him.” The monster says. “Poor guy.”

“You’ll be back tomorrow.” Morris says. “You can settle this then.”

“Daken-” He reaches out, “I’m right here- you don’t have to worry.”

“You’re hot Johnny.” The monster reminds him. “You’ll burn him.”

I get out of bed, going for his hand, but Morris grabs me. “You’ll get burnt.” She says. “He has to go now.”

The orange ‘man’ starts to wheel him away.

“No! No- You can’t!”

Johnny sounds tearful when he says, “Can you get me a collar or something? Something to turn my powers off and-“

“The collars won’t work on you.” Morris holds me firmly. “Shh, now.” She soothes in my ear. “Tell him ‘goodbye’ Daken. Like a grown up.”

“Johnny…” It’s wrecked. My face is wet. “Don’t go.”

“Can we at least try the collar??” Johnny begs.

“If you burn him the damage could be irreparable.” Morris pushes me to the bed. “Now, now. Johnny has to go. Let him go.”

“I’m sorry.” I beg. “I’m sorry I fucked up. Please- I can do better!”

“Can we try the fucking collar??” Johnny snaps through tears.

“He’s upset- Johnny.” Morris puts a hand on my chest. “Mark?” She calls out. “Could you come in and help calm him down?”

NO!

“No! I don’t…” The man pushes past Johnny and his friend. “Stay the fuck away from me.” My voice couldn’t be more shocked.

“What are you doing?” Johnny demands.

“It’s alright Mr. Storm.” Mark says politely. “Daken and I are good friends- aren’t we?”

“Don’t touch me! “I back away from him. “Stay the fuck away from me!"

They’re taking him away.

I’ve done something wrong and they’re punishing me.

“Now, Daken.” Mark says softly, grabbing my shoulder and pushing it to the bed. “Let’s stay calm and everything will be fine.”

“What are you doing to him?” Johnny demands.

“Take Johnny home, Ben. Loved ones aren’t supposed to be present when patients are restrained…. It makes it horrifying for them.” Morris says. “I’ll work with them on saying ‘goodbye’ tomorrow.”

“Wait- restrained?" Johnny sounds horrified.

“Go Ben.”

“Daken-"

His voice is moving away.

“Get off of me!” I struggle against Mark, but the man is unmoving. “Johnny!”

“Get off of him!” Johnny growls.

“Goodnight Johnny.” Morris calls.

Morris is heartless. 

I hear Johnny begging them to bring him back.

Mark holds me in the bed.

When he presses harder, I go limp.

“We’re going to have a good night.” He says cheerfully. “You got to see Johnny and now we’re going to have a good night.”

The door to the ward closes.

I stay motionless.

Johnny is gone again.

"Easy now." Morris walks over to the bed. "There we go. Easy. You can handle this. You're doing great." 

“I’m going to let you up.” Mark says. “Behave rationally.”

He lets go of me, allowing me to curl onto my side.

Mark's hair is in his face, about chin neck length. It brushes my arm when he leans over to inspect me. "Easy." He soothes. "It's okay, bud." 

I'm not his 'bud'. I'm not his 'pal'. Right now I don't even feel like much of his friend. I glare at him. 

“Change clothes.” Morris instructs. “Get out of your jeans. Then brush your hair. Have you had a shower today?”

I feel tears on my face.

"Did you have a shower?" She repeats. 

I shake my head. 

"Linda's gone to bed for the evening... but I could accompany you." 

"I don't want a shower."  More tears. 

“Shh.” Morris says. “Tonight went well. It went really well. You did wonderfully.”

“Where is Johnny?” I ask. 

“Hopefully very quickly exiting the building.” She says. “He set the lobby on fire a week ago… he put it out of course- the damage was purely cosmetic…”

“Where is he?” I can’t help but feel lost.

“Going back to the Baxter Building where he can get plenty of sleep in a nice comfy bed and-” She stops. “Oh, Daken,” She sits on the edge of my bed. “It’s not ‘goodbye’ forever. Just for the night.”

“Please- I’m begging you-“

“You could use a little help- hmm? How about something for your nerves?”

Pills?

For my nerves?

“Mark?” She doesn’t wait for my answer. “Give Daken a little something to help him calm down.”

She pats my back.

We wait in silence for about three minutes until Mark comes back into the room.

“Is that his normal dose?”

“Little extra for preventative measures.” Mark answers.

“Good call.” Morris takes two pills and presses them into my hand and Mark holds out a white plastic cup. Looking at their expectant faces I know there’s really no other option. I take the pills compliantly and sit in silence. “How do you feel about tonight?”

“He’s been here.” I say quietly. “All along.”

She nods. “Yes.”

“And... I didn’t know it was him.”

“That’s right.”

“How… how?” More tears. “How?”

She taps a forefinger to my forehead. “You suffer from something akin to brain damage. Your psyche’s been damaged. Your mind- for a better sense of the word. Johnny was hurt physically- you were hurt mentally. You might recognize him- you might not. He doesn’t change. You’ve made him very happy tonight.”

I made him happy?

“I did?”

She nods. “You made me very happy as well.”

I can’t respond properly, so I don’t.

“He’ll be back in the morning and-“

There’s a sound in the hallway. Something very familiar. “Oh.” She stops. “Mark put your phone on silent please.” She calls into the hallway.

“It's uh… his phone.” Mark calls back. “FaceTime Call.”

MY phone?

“Let me go handle that.” She leaves the room and goes to the nurse’s station.

“Why hello stranger.” She says as the ringing stops.

The voice answers at normal volume. “This is okay, right? Now that he knows who I am?”

…Johnny?

“I don’t see why not.” She says happily. “We’ve just given him some pills… so don’t take it personally if he seems a little more dazed than usual.”

“I take that as a challenge actually.”

Morris walks towards me.

It’s a video call.

“Daken, Johnny called for you.” She shows me the phone. “Do you want to take it?”

Do I?

I… yes. Yes.

Of course.

Why wouldn’t I?

I take the phone.

Most of the screen is taken up by his face, but I can see mine in a small square at the top left-hand side.

“Hey.” He sounds happy again. “Just.. eh.. thought I could maybe talk to you some more…” He says. “Ya know- until you got tired?”

I nod. “I’d... like that.”

“Yea? Well good.” He chuckles. “Because now that we’ve had that talk, I can call you as often as I want. We can really drive the nurse’s up the wall with it.”

I smile.

“I love you.”

I mean it. I don’t recognize him.. but I know it’s him.

And I mean it with every fiber of my being.

“I love you too.” He says warmly. “So, so, so much.”

“I missed you.” I continue.

“I missed you to honey.”

There’s a slight pause.

“You look so sleepy.” He comments.

I nod. I feel a yawn coming on, but I fight it off.

“Lay down.” He orders. “Lay down and I’ll talk you to sleep.” He smiles. “I’ll read you the car manual or something.”

I lay down on the mattress, propping my elbow on the pillow and holding the phone up.

“I have a better idea.” He says gently. “Why don’t I tell you a story?”

“What kind of story?”

He smiles sheepishly. “Our story?”

“We have a story?”

“We have the BEST story.” He smiles. “And it all started when I met you at that bar.”

For Fury.

Back before I got sick.

“The bar.” I repeat.

“And I asked you-“

I know the story.

But I listen.

He gets up to our kiss… when I recognized him after I’d been captured and they had me at the Baxter Building.

I forgot him before.

And I recovered him.

There’s hope for me yet.

We get to the part about Shifter and he stops.

“That’s enough for tonight.” His voice is soothing. “You’re falling asleep on me.”

He’s not wrong.

He smiles.

I see it through sleep blurred eyes. I see it and…

Holy fuck.

I recognize him.

“Johnny!” I gasp.

“What- what?”

“I can see you.” It comes out sleepy.

“Yea?” He smiles brightly. “When you’re exhausted you can see me.” he muses. “Turn off your lights honey.”

“What?”

“You’re going to bed.” He says gently. “Turn off your light and change your clothes.”

Johnny.. it’s Johnny. I want to look at the screen.

“We’re home Matchstick.” That’s.. that’s Ben.

I.. recognize his voice.

“I’ll call you when I’m ready to get out.” Johnny says quietly. “I gotta put him to bed.”

There’s a laugh. “Sure thing kid.”

“Put the phone on the bed.” Johnny says. “I’ll wait while you change.”

Change. Shirt and pants. Because I can’t lay around shirtless… the ward gets too cold.

I’m so tired.

I’m glad I didn’t button this shirt.

He hums a tune while he waits. One I swear I recognize.

I pull the jeans off and change into the shorts he left on the bed for me.

“Changed?” He asks when I pick up the phone.

I nod.

“Good.” His voice is so happy. “Now lay on the bed.”

Outside Mark is at his post. He looks into the room with an interested look.

“Got any pills to take?” He questions.

I’m so tired.

I lay down on the pillow.

“Oh! You forgot your light.”

“Daken,” Mark is at the door. “It’s time for bed and-” He stops. “Oh. You’re already in bed.”

He scoops my clothing from the floor.

“And changed.”

“Does he take any night time pills?”

Mark looks around for a second before locating the phone. “Uh.. yes. I was going to give them to him now actually.”

Johnny smiles. His face is surrounded by darkness now. He reaches over his head and turns on the light. For the first time, I notice that he’s in a jet like… the car they fantastic four use. “The Fantisicar” or some shit like that.

Something that sounds like children named it.

“Take your pills.” Johnny says. “I love you. I’ve got to go now- okay?”

A pang of hurt twinges in my chest.

“Okay?” He repeats.

“Okay.” I sigh. “Okay.”

“Good.” He smiles, but it’s sad. “Now hang up.”

“What?”

“Hang the phone up.” Johnny smirks. “I want you to hang up so you don’t get upset if I do.”

“I…”

“I’ll help you.” Mark says, taking the phone. “Tell him goodnight.”

I look at the man holding the phone. He’s smiling.

“Say ‘goodnight’ Daken. It’s time for lights out.”

“Goodnight.”

Goodnight.

A few short hours after finally saying ‘hello’.

Things are changing I can feel it.

Hopefully, this is for the best.


	31. Something Better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this wraps it up dear readers.  
> I solemnly swear that I will not write anymore of this universe.  
> Thanks so much for reading!  
> Now that this is out of my head maybe I can focus on happier stuff!

Johnny.

MY…

His face sticks out through the blur.

Everything else is secondary.

We have our own little world.

Every time I falter- he’s there.

Every time I stumble- he catches me.

Every time….

every single time…

And I do the same for him.

Johnny didn’t tell anyone… but he was sad.

Crushed.

The process of healing really depressed him.

He had to come to terms with his new take on life…. A life where he can’t die. Where he won’t age.

Where he won’t age … but everyone else will.

He’s joined the ranks of people like Logan, Laura, and I.

It made him sad. But I tried to help.

I tried really hard.

I think it worked.

He smiles more now.

Not fake smiles.

Real, warm, Johnny smiles.

He got out of the wheel chair, got his powers in check, fixed his motor control…. So, so much.

I stayed in the hospital. My not home.

Today.. this morning actually, I got to go home.

They woke me up early and went through discharge paper work for a long amount of time, discussed all my medications in great detail, and said my ride would be there right after breakfast.

And now…

I’m home.

Johnny came for me like he said he would.

And we went home. Finally. We went home. Almost a year since we left it. I spent…eleven months? That’s right. I spent eleven months in the hospital.

Six months without Johnny… five months with him.

Last month they stopped reminding me of who he was. I remembered on my own. I recognized him on my own.

Reed and Morris figured out that my ‘condition’ was affected less by trauma and more by whatever shit the “Boss” did to my head. The ‘pain’ he inflicted.

Apparently he didn’t die. He’s enjoying his newly acquired handicap in jail.

He’s a prisoner of both earth and the Kree empire. We had a chance to question him. He says the damage he inflicted is permanent.

I’m glad I took his hands.

I wanted to go back and take other parts. …. Johnny said I wasn’t to go back to space though. Ever.

But that doesn’t mean anything.

My ‘ability to function’ has improved over the last few months. I need less supervision now.

I impressed my keepers by not doing anything rash when they removed the collar and the gloves.

I have used my claws at every available opening however.

I hate that they were taken from me for so long- I never want that to happen again.

My powers flow through me with a little too much ease.

Johnny had to remind me to reign it in several times today.

Logan wants me to teach combat training with him at his school. He says he wants me to ‘assist’. He offers to pay me… but he’s already paying for everything- it would be pointless.  
He says it will help me function.

It will allow me to ‘use my skills’.

I’ll stay sharp.

Johnny thought it was a good idea to accept his offer.

I start in two weeks.

Two weeks.

It’s a job where I can easily be supervised and easily taken care of if something were to go wrong.

It’s ‘safe’.

It’s also a way for Logan to check in with me on a daily basis…. One of the reasons I got to come back to the house and not his school.

“I finished unpacking.” Johnny says, walking into the bed room with an empty bag. “All your things are back where they go.”

That was important to me.

“Thank you.”

He nods. “Can I join you?”

My turn to nod.

He lays down behind me, arm sliding around my waist like it always does. “You’re quiet.” He notes.

“I… can’t sleep.” I mutter. “I tried and-“

“It’s the change of environment.” Johnny says gently. “The doctor said this could happen.”

“I can’t sleep in my own home.” I grouse.

“It’s not a problem. You just have to get used to it and-“

“I’m worthless again.”

“You’re not worthless.” He shushes. “In two weeks you start working and-“

“I’m-“

“Going to be okay.” He says gently. “You’re okay.”

‘okay?’ Shifter sneers. ‘no you’re not.’

I feel so tearful so suddenly.

“Just close your eyes.” He soothes behind me, “And relax.”

His heat behind me is helping.

Johnny’s dressed for bed. Which means he’s sans shirt. Which means there’s more skin to skin contact. More heat.

“There we go.” He leans over me and pulls the blanket up before grabbing his phone off of the night stand and using the app that turns off the lights. “Much better.”

The balcony doors are open.

Summer smells accompany a slight breeze.

Breeze.

“Will Ororo be here tomorrow?” I’m sure he’s answered this many times at this point.

“Uh hmm.” He affirms in my ear. “She’ll get here at noon.”

“And Laura?”

“She’s sleeping downstairs as we speak.” Johnny says, he kisses the back of my head. “Remember?”

Remember?

Laura and Warren are staying with us.

Remember?

Why…?

Because we need the extra hands.

Remember?

Right.

Right.

“Are you going through your process?” He asks quietly. “Ask yourself questions…”

Prompting.

Do I remember?

Laura.

Downstairs.

Warren.

Party.

Hands.

“Yes. I remember.” I say aloud. “Warren is here too.”

Johnny chuckles. “Good!” he says happily. “Very good.”

“We need the extra help.” I continue.

“And they needed a place to stay.” Johnny finishes. “Very good honey.” He kisses my head again. “Very, very good.”

I remember.

I have a process.

I talk myself through what is real and what is not. Reality and delusion.

Laura is here because she doesn’t want to be anywhere else.

Not just because of me.

I have to tell myself this even though I’m not sure it’s true. She’s not here because of me. I wouldn’t want her to uproot herself like that.

Laura doesn’t want to be with the other x-men at the moment.

She didn’t say why.

She wanted to stay with me and she didn’t want to stay at Logan’s school.

Probably for the same reasons I don’t want to stay at Logan’s school…. We don’t want to be under his thumb.

She won’t find much relief from him here though.

“Logan is coming tomorrow?” I ask- pretty much already knowing the answer.

Johnny nods. “And probably the next day.”

Sliding back into the routine.

Everyone is trying to make this as smooth as possible.

I can’t sleep.

There’s not point of lying in pitch black.

I lean forward and fumble with the lamp beside the bed.

“What’re you doing?” Johnny asks.

I turn the knob for the lamp and he makes a small, “a ha.”

“Come back over here.” He orders playfully.

“Bossy.” I admonish.

He plays with the phone over my head for a few seconds.

“Look at me?” he asks, stretching his arm in front of my face with his phone out held and-

“No pictures.” I grouse. “Please Johnny- no pictures tonight.”

“It’s your first night back home.” He says cheerfully. “Come on honey. Let me take your picture. One of us together- hmm? Please?”

I exhale slowly. Count to ten.

“No picture-“

He snaps one anyway. “Now I have one of you fussing at me.” He smiles.

“Johnny!”

He snaps another. “And that’s your “Johnny’s Pissing me off” face.”

I roll my eyes.

“Oh that was was the loveliest of all.” Johnny giggles. Like a child. “Give me a kiss.” He says. “I want to take one of us kissing.”

“Why?”

He smiles. “MY followers-“

Followers.

His fan club is more like it.

When he was recovering Johnny couldn’t go anywhere. He got really big into social media.

Now he has vines and vids and pics and gifs and all that shit. Most of them involving me.  
He made a ‘snap chat’ of us driving home from the hospital today.

About five of them actually.

Five of them for a drive that’s not that long.

His ‘fans’ are for the most part supportive. The same strangers who saw our first videos so long ago and called for action.

Johnny’s fans get about four videos a day.

He does things to annoy me.

or shares his day with them.

He uses the resources to talk about all kinds of mental health issues. You could call him a champion for the cause. In some cases, professional care givers have sought out his advice for certain subjects.

Of course Johnny never posts anything I don’t agree too.

I don’t care if he takes my video.

I’m not going to help him- but I don’t mind.

“A goodnight picture.” He presses. “To let everyone know you’re home safe.”

Home safe.

“And who’s everyone?”

“Our fans.”

‘our’ fans.

We have fans.

I don’t have social media of any kind. Johnny relays messages to me.

We have a fair share of people who are ‘disgusted’ with our relationship.

They think two men have no business being together.

Other people are very enamored with our relationship. They think it’s an epic love story.

At the end of the day I find that I care less and less about what these people think.

As long as I have him.  
He only shares half of his footage.

The other half he takes for me. For me to remember.

Like his birthday. We did that in the hospital.

I remembered it a few days out… but forgot on the day of.

I felt terrible.

The day after I was convinced I’d forgotten all together.

But Johnny- being the hero he is – recorded it for me.

He played it for me a few times until I settled down.

Today he had to repeat my discharge information three times before I accepted it.

Logan wasn’t happy with that now that I’m recalling it.

He called for Morris to keep me longer.

I remember her expression. So soft.

She told him I’d be fine for the night at least… and that she’d…

NO.

“Johnny-” A sudden fear grips me.

He’s messing with his phone. “Yea?”

“Johnny-” I grab his shoulder. “What if I have to go back?”

“Go back where?” He pries my hand form his person and takes it in his, bringing my knuckles to his lips and kissing them.

“To the hospital.”

“Tonight?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Ah.” He smiles. “You won’t honey. You’re doing great.”

“But Logan-“

“Will see that you’re doing fine.” Johnny says. “Doctor Morris said you’d do fine. She only said the ‘trial period’ shit because Logan was freaking out.”

Logan was ‘freaking out’.

Half my treatment is Logan ‘freaking out’.

So many questions.

‘Why’s he doing that? What’s the reason for -insert random behavior here-? Look at him- he’s seeing something we aint. He’s listening to something- he’s-blah, blah, blah.’

“Right.” I exhale. Right. Logan freaks out. Morris had to tell him something.

I’ll miss the structure of the hospital.

All those ‘extra hands’.

Going back into Johnny’s care will be amazing- don’t get me wrong. I’m looking forward to things getting back to normal….

But I’m wondering if they ever really will.

Johnny’s got battle scars now.

A story that involves torture and death.

Torture.

He had nights where he was allowed to sleep at the hospital with me. Sleep overs. 

As long as we didn't have sex- that was the rule. 

We'd go to my bed and Mark would leave the nurse's stand to give us some privacy. 

He wakes up sweating sometimes.

He says he’s fine… so I act upset and demand he take a bath with me. For ‘me’. Really it’s to help him calm down. Pressed against him I can feel his heart beat slow. I can feel his muscles relax. We’ve fallen asleep in the tub many times. The head nurse had to run us out.

It was actually quite funny. Me being naked- fine. She saw that. Johnny being naked? Very, very uncomfortable. 

“So that picture?” Johnny asks.

That picture.

“Fine.” I groan. I turn my head to kiss him. He meets me halfway and presses his lips to mine while tapping on the glass screen of the phone.

When we pull apart he checks the screen and nods. “Very nice.”

He’s quiet for a bit before saying, “Annnnd done.”

The phone will buzz for hours with notifications now.

“Put the phone on silent.” I remind him.

“Right.” He laughs.

We’re quiet for a few moments. I can sense that he’s starting to wind down. He had to pick me up super early this morning, we went to lunch with Sue, he had to drop me off at Logan’s school for an hour so he could watch the kids for Sue, pick me back up, run to the pharmacy, go to the grocery store, unpack my things, cook supper, continue unpacking, take three taxing phone calls from Logan, and plan whatever party we’re having tomorrow. He’s exhausted.

I can’t sleep.

I should be exhausted as well.

Any time spent with my father is extremely taxing. He’s on my back constantly.  
I’m surprised he doesn’t have one of his telepaths in my head all day everyday.

I’m sure he could find someone up for the job…

I’ve got to say though, out of all of his x-brats… I like the apocalypse boy. I like that’s he’s fighting who he was programed to be. He fights hard.

I have full faith that he can win.

He seems to find a way of seeking me out when I’m there.

I know he probably intends to get more information out of me about why we hurt him so badly.

I have no more that I can give him.  
I was a bad person.

Whether I am or not still is a moot point.

I’m barely a person at all.

No- wait. That’s not true. I am a person.

I might even be on my way to being a half way decent person.

Right. I am a person.

I am.

Johnny is not dead.

I did not kill him.

Everyone I set out to protect is safe. Johnny is beside me, Laura is downstairs, Sue is in the Baxter Building with her own protection, and the x-brat is safe behind the walls of his own school.

Sue and the x- kid were added to my ‘list’ as a courtesy. I owe them each something. I suppose protecting them is a good way to pay my debt.

Of course I never tell anyone other than the therapist who’s on the list.

Part of me thinks I should maybe add my father… but a bigger part knows he’s more than capable of taking care of himself.

“I can almost hear your thoughts racing.” Johnny teases. “What’s going on honey? What can I do to help?”

I have to sigh. “It’s nothing. I just can’t sleep.”

“Then laying in bed will do you no good.” Johnny muses. “We could go downstairs and watch movies…. I set up the TV and couches like you like them.”

Like I like them.

He arranged things depending on how I liked my environment.

he’s…

“You’re too good.” I smile at him.

“Am I?” He smirks. “Because that will cost you a few more pictures.”

I sigh.

Fine.

“For personal use?”

he nods. “Some in the bank for you.“ He smiles.

In the ‘bank’. The storage we have for when I freak out.

For when we’re separated and he thinks I’ll freak out.

He sent me the video of us leaving the hospital while I was at Logan’s school today. To remind me that I was in fact going home.

One time this afternoon I got locked up on the bed. Like.. panic ridden. Unable to move from my spot. I had no clue where I was.

He called my phone even though he was just downstairs and proceeded to talk like we were still separated by an hour and a half.

He’s … charming. That’s what gets me about Johnny. He’s so fucking likable.

I’m happy to have him.

I’m happy that at the end of the day this person lays down next to me.

Or- in the case of tonight, prolongs his sleep schedule to stay up with me.

“I get to pick the movies.” He warns, rolling out of bed and offering me a hand. “No documentaries.”

“You wound me.” I chuckle.

“I’m sure.” He raises an eyebrow.

And we’re off. Off to spend our first night back together by-

“Isn’t Laura on the couch?”

“You remembered!” He cheers.

“well?”

“Yep. She’s on the couch.”

I stop moving. “Won’t she mind if we crash –“

“I’ll let her pick the movie.” Johnny chuckles. “She’ll be fine.”

Knowing Laura and how much she appreciates sleep- I doubt that’s accurate.

“Laura!” Johnny calls loudly as we’re going down the stairs. “Get your boy toy! We’re gonna watch Netflix all night!”

He’s so loud.

It makes me laugh.

He plops on the couch, making Laura move her feet. She had been stretched out with a blanket over her. Probably half asleep.

“What are you doing?” She hisses.

“Netflix.” Johnny repeats, offering me a hand and pulling me to the couch when I take it. “Daken can’t sleep.” He says, turning on the TV.

Laura sighs, pulling her knees to up and turning to face the cushion of the couch. “Has Daken TRIED sleeping yet?”

“Yep.” Johnny answers for me. “And he couldn’t. So now we’re going to watch TV until he’s sleepy.”

Laura groans. “Fine.”

“Good.” Johnny looks over at me with a grin. “So… what are we in the mood for?”

In the mood for?

A million more nights like this.

Is that too much to ask for?

Do I deserve that much happiness?

“I’m thinking….. cartoons.” Johnny drawls.

Laura exchanges a bewildered look with me.

“Yes.” Johnny says with a nod. “Cartoons.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I’m walking around my home.

My home.

Not space. Not the Baxter building or the hospital… my home.

I hear Johnny in the kitchen talking to the others.

I hear clips and phrases.

“And if that happens-“ Logan says lowly, “take-“

“Three red pills, crush them up, and mix them with water.” Johnny says in monotone. “Come on Logan. I got this.”

“The rules have changed.” Logan snaps. “You don’t ‘got this’.”

Logan doesn’t want me home- home yet. He wanted to do outpatient.

Johnny and Morris came to the conclusion that I would do better at home.

This is a trial period.

Johnny assures me that it will stick.

Remember?

Right.

This is all from last night.

Last night in bed.

Right.

“They wrote all of it down Logan.” Johnny laughs. “Look,” There’s rustling.

I’m stopped on the stairs – listening. Johnny, Logan, and some other people are in the kitchen.

Logan sighs. “I know they did- Look…”

I freaked out on Logan. About a month ago.

It scared him very badly.

That’s why he wants me to come work with him.

Right. I remember that.

“Daken and I are going to be fine.” Johnny says gently. “We’ve got a long time to perfect this.”

A long time.

An eternity of him by my side.

The thought makes me smile.

I will never have to go through this alone.

He will never have to go through this alone.

Someone else walks into the kitchen. It smells like Laura. “He’s on the stairs listening to you.” She says. “Please pass me the chicken.”

We’re eating.

Why are we eating?

Johnny steps out of the kitchen, smiling. “Hey honey.” He extends his hand. “Come here. We’ve been waiting on you.”

I walk the short distance to his out stretched hand.

“Why are you waiting on me?”

“Because,” he drawls, putting an arm around my waist and guiding me through the kitchen, “we’re having a party.” He smiles. “And you’re supposed to be there.”

Right.

Party.

“Right.”

In the kitchen Logan, Reed, and Sue are all standing on separate sides. The two men are by the stove while Sue is on the far counter chopping lettuce.

“Daken.” Reed greats. “You look well.”

Reed is messing with the stove – I shudder to think of what ‘improvements’ he might be making.

I nod. I don’t know what to say.

“Did you sleep okay?” Sue questions without really looking at me. “The doctor said the new environment might make it hard on you to sleep.”

Johnny stayed up with me.

I felt so pathetic.

Not being able to sleep in my own bed.

“No.”

“He didn’t fall asleep til about four this morning.” Johnny says, still cheerfully. “And he ended up on the couch so it was the comfiest of places.”

“Try to sleep in your bed, Daken.” Logan says. “It’s there for a reason.”

Try not to be angry.

Try really hard.

“I know.”

My father is holding what I’m guessing to be his second beer of the day.

He said Ororo got held up at the school. She’s running late. I think its made him surly.

He nods. “Everything else okay? You take your meds this morning?”

“Yes.”

“And the ‘haze’? How’s that?”

“Not bad.” I answer honestly. Logan likes honest answers. “I recognize all of you.”

“That’s great.” Sue says happily. “I’m so glad you’re feeling better.”

“We’re heading outside…” Johnny says, still guiding me. “To see the pool.”

We have a pool?

“We have a pool?”

“Yep.” Johnny says, opening the door for me. “I put it in a few months back.”

The back yard looks far better than I remember it looking.

There’s a large circle of chairs surrounding what looks like a fire pit in the dead center of the yard. From that there’s a stone path way to a large in ground pool. It looks nice. Very nice.

“You did this?” I ask Johnny.

He grins. “I was very bored.”

It must have been hard for him with his own recovery in mind.

“All by yourself?”

He nods again. “Do you like it?”

“It’s nice.” I smile. “Looks comfortable.”

“Good.”

Good.

Comfortable is good.

Johnny is good.

I’m… getting there.

These people are good.

I’m warm again.

I’m warm and surrounded by people who keep me that way.

My lover.  
My family.

The people who you’re supposed to be fond of.

No matter what conditioning says- you’re supposed to like these people.  
It’s okay for me to like these people.

It’s okay for me to be warm.

It’s…

“You’re okay.” Johnny says in my ear. “I’m right here.”

He holds my hand in his.

“Deep breath.” He instructs.

I do as he says.

“Exhale.” He smiles. “There you go honey. Much better.”

It is much better.

There’s a hint of unfamiliarity mixed in with all of this. Like the places and people aren’t really there. ..

But then he’s holding me. I feel the pressure on my arm. I feel the weight of his gaze. I feel the warmth of his skin. The warmth of the sun. The cut grass under my feet…

It’s perfect.

This is more than I could have asked for.

More than I deserve.

And … it’s perfect.

It’s warm.

I’m back in the sun.

His hand moves to the small of my back. “I love you.” He says in my ear again. “Welcome home.”

He kisses me deeply and I don’t want it to end.

The world cuts out for a moment.

It’s just us again.  
In my own little world.

His hand is on the back of my head, mine locked around his neck. He holds me tightly.

He’s here.

He’s finally here.

And here is wonderful.

It looks so… amazing.

This is a dream.

And every time I feel like the dream is going to end- it doesn’t. I pinch myself and it’s still there.

A reality so much better than anything I’ve ever experienced.

It’s almost too much to take in.

I’m almost upset by how happy I am.

Johnny pulls back for a second before pecking my lips again.

“That’s enough of that.” Logan says, coming out of the house behind us.

Johnny pulls back with a smile. “Right on time Logan.”

“Yea, yea.” My father says gruffly. “Keep your tongue in your own mouth.”

I can’t help but laugh.

Logan pushes through us, right through the middle of our embrace, separating us entirely.

“Thanks for that.” Johnny says with a sigh. “Really.”

Logan raises the beer bottle in his hand. “Any time Torch.” He’s laughing as he walks to the circle of chairs.

“Is it everything you wanted?” Johnny says, taking me back into his arms.

“Yes. It’s perfect.”

“Perfect enough to stay here for…” He hums to himself. “About fifty years?”

“Only fifty?” I tease.

“I was thinking we could go somewhere more exotic next.” He smiles. “I’ll be pushing eighty you know.”

“Ah.” I grin. “Eighty does call for something more tropical.”

“Indeed.” He laughs. “So.. fifty years?”

“And more.” I kiss him again.

“I’m good with more.” He says when we break apart.


End file.
